At this point in the week, maybe you have stopped having panic dreams about Michelle Obama dougie-ing into your kitchen to kidnap your pecan pie. She has certainly moved on from our National Day of Obesity and Forgotten Genocide, and is now embracing the holidays to come with her fashion protégés/children and fancy dog. Our FLOTUS is so lovely, which is why many people wish they could live her life, with her beautiful children and fancy dog and absolute control over all the Wal Marts. “People” includes Michele Bachmann, who is actually very offended that she is not recognized as basically the same person as Michelle Obama.
Michele Bachmann, being a nationally televised clown herself, recently decided to visit famous (intentional) comedian Jimmy Fallon, to learn some secrets of the trade, or something, who knows. But Michele Bachmann was crazy-eyed angry after someone told her that she walked across the stage to the song “Lyin’ Ass Bitch.” Har har, jokes.
Republican candidate Michele Bachmann addressed the controversy surrounding her appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon this week, saying if what happened to her had happened to the First Lady, heads would have rolled.
Fallon has since apologized, and while Bachmann said she accepts the comedian’s apology, she thinks NBC should apologize as well.
“If that had been Michelle Obama, who’d come out on the stage, and if that song had been played for Michelle Obama, I have no doubt that NBC would have apologized to her and likely they would have fired the drummer, or at least suspended him,” she told Fox News.
SUSPEND THE DRUMMER, that is the solution to this “controversy.” Perhaps once Michele Bachmann realizes she is not running for First Lady, we will be rid of her. Until then, there are plenty of wonderful songs to describe our FLOTUS, so let us listen to them, to drown out the Crazy. [Fox News]
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"The Itsy Bitsy Spider"
Of course NBC would have apologized to FLOTUS. It's a protocol thing, read up on it. She is FLOTUS, you are congresscunt. Now piss off.
It's only slander if it's not true.
It's true that Michele-One-Ell is a congresscunt. Is THAT what you mean?
Lyin' Ass Bitch Congresscunt, yes.
But really, I don't know why she got so upset. The song was about Marcus.
There's a Willie Nelson song they could have played instead…
I was thinking an Elton John song… but then it would have to be at least her second time on the show.
Crocodile Rock?
Try again.
Yellow Brick Road?
Whiskey River?
Crazy for trying,
And crazy for lying,
And crazy for running, too.
"On the Road Again?"
There's a Willie Nelson song for her husband as well.
"Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other…"
It's HARD to be a politician when you're so sensitive.
The next time Ol' Crazy Eyes walks onstage, how about just playing crickets? Or perhaps the bridge of Raymond Scott's "Powerhouse?" Or "Mwahaha?" Or "Sad Trombone?" I think we've got an idea for a new Facebook page!
"They're Coming to Take Me Away Ha-Ha" (can't figure out how to link).
OMG, this.
I don't think his house band has the sound, but Yakity Sax sounds about right.
Howzabout this: NBC apologizes to Bachmann right after Fox News apologizes to the nation for laying on the partisan bullshit (D) with a trowel for the last 15 years.
I'd like to see a specific and detailed Fox News apology related to their stoking of the birther fires.
A Fux apology would be the classic "We're sorry if you're offended by our shilling for the right wing and shamelessly distributing their propaganda under the guise of being a "news" outlet. Oh, and sorry if you're upset about us fucking your country up as well"
Muckrack libel!
Fallon's band should have played Rick James "Superfreak" as her entry music.
I thought Santorum was the one you won't take home to mother.
She's a very special girl….
I bet Michelle Obama is a pretty good drummer.
Depends on what she's playing.
What did the DRUMMER do? Why should he be suspended or fired? Did he get up in front of the audience and say a bunch of lies and crazy shit? Heaven forfend!
it's always the drummer's fault. if it wasn't then why is the drummer hiding behind those drums in the back of the room?
Yeah, why the DRUMMER?
(What color is the sky in her world?)
As my father-in-law used to say, "She would complain about being hung with an old rope".
She should be grateful the band didn't play something worse, like the Eagles "Lyin' Eyes".
Or Patsy Cline's "Crazy"
How about "Twisted" by Annie Ross?
Or anything sung by Twisted Sister?
or anything else by The Eagles.
Maybe if she was tall, gorgeous, black, super-stylish and married to a handsome, fit, smart bi-racial man, then she could compare herself to FLOTUS, as it is she is none of these, so STFU you petite, crazy-eyed, dimwitted, addle-brained, judgmental freak and try and fuck your bloated, gay husband.
you petite, crazy-eyed, dimwitted, addle-brained, judgmental freak and try and fuck your bloated, gay husband
Woot! Tall order for a chilly morning. Is the kettle on? (I could use some caffeine, will have snark warmed up shortly)
2L:
Next time, don't hold back. Tell us what you really think!
There's an L of a difference, for sure.
Ok, YES.
Beautiful… nice British accent for Lizzie.
Thanks, DaRooster.
There's an L of a difference, for sure.
I see and like what you did there…
Years of living in England have taught me that NO ONE can spew the insults like the British. NO ONE!
You go Lizzie!
(Speaking of handsome, fit, smart bi-racial men, now I'm thinking of Derek Jeter and his dreamy green eyes.)
I have to say I usually prefer a darker -skinned man,Paul Robeson I'm looking at you, if I am jumping out of my ethnic pool, but I do heart Hopey.
Well, that voice would lure ANYONE out of their ethnic pool and into his. It's like chocolate syrup. The kind you want to pour ALL OVER your hotcha before you s*l*o*w*l*y lick it off … BRB.
Who loves ya, baby?
Limiez, you're teh best.
Have I told you lately that I love you?
You know, like, within the last 24 hours or so. (Smooches Limeylizzie all over her face — we'll see about permission for anything south of the neck later)
C-list politician makes it to B-list teevee show, and gets D-level pranked.
Must be a slow news day.
"American Idiot"?
The thing is, Michelle Obama is NOT a lyin' ass bitch.
Michelle (2 L's)
Ma Belle
These are words that go together well
My Michelle.
I would legally change my name to "Michelle" (with two L's) if Paul McCartney would sing that song to moi. [= le deep sigh =]
Next time, Shelley, try NASCAR…
Hey, if the guy is no longer hanging around the musicians, is he still a drummer?
did he keep pillows and blankets in his kick drum so he'll have a place to sleep tonight?
Do all us drummers know those jokes?
On the plus side, those don't work with them ethnic drum thingies — you ever try sleeping in a tabla?
so is the occasional second kick drum like a guest bedroom?
If you can afford a second kick drum, hell to the yeah!
What if he falls in the woods?
She started by saying she'd personally kiss Obama back in 2008, it's only natural for 'Chele's sexual fantasy to evolve into something more complex, like somehow disguising herself as Michelle (perhaps by wearing her skin).
She just wants the hose again.
She's had it FIVE lousy times in her 30+ years of marriage, can you blame her?
She's just hoping Barry will be the one to slip it to her this time.
In Michele B's private reality she is both president and first lady and "Bette Davis Eyes" plays whenever she comes on stage. Leave Michele alone!
Shoulda played a Randy Travis Tritt song…
Jesus that lyin' ass bitch is thin skinned. Psstt..Shels, you make shit up out of whole cloth, (doctors, 7 feet tall calling the IRS for approval of a procedure), you're a Conservative, therefore, an ass(hole) and all that hatred and bigotry wrapped in Jesus-y shit, well, that's the "bitch" part.
Ya know why she wants to fire the drummer-
What has 3 legs and an asshole?
A drum stool
What do you call a guy that hangs out with musicians?
A drummer
That's why…
Which is why I asked if he's still a drummer if he can't hang out with musicians, but did anybody get the joke? Noooooo….
Sorry I missed it. I need more coffee…
:rimshot:
One of us (a recovering percussionist, in fact) got it.
Also:
Q. How can you tell if the bandstand is level?
A. The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
Here's a classical music one (from another recovering percussionist):
Q. Why are intermissions so short?
A. So they don't have to re-train the percussionists.
Hey, I got it, but as a drummer I was putting down a black mark in my little book right next to your name, yaknow?
Years ago I heard a singer/songwriter perform a song she wrote based on her romantic entanglements with drummers. Thanks for reminding me of Amy Rigby!
Also, too:
"How do you get a drummer off your front porch?"
"Pay him for the pizza."
Now now… that's a guitarist.
Also is-
How do you get a guitarist to quit playing?
Put some sheet music in front of him…
What is a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ko2VXpW7_g&fe...
Too good for her.
hmmm. Maybe this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzgRYR73K04
I said baby
You know when you bend over i see every bit of christmas
And when you bend back i'm looking right into the new year
She said honey you know i gave up cigarettes for my new year's resolution
But i didn't give up smoking
I said woman you going to walk a mile for a camel
Or are you going to make like mr chesterfield and satisfy?
She said that all depends on what your packing
Regular or kingsize
Then she pulled out my jim beam and to her surprise
It was every bit as hard as my canadian club
I said what now you got to say baby?
She said umm…
Woo! Now that woman could shake a li'l tailfeather!
Not our Chele — she needs some uptight skank-ass ho song. Lucille Bogan too good for her.
I think what Sheley is trying to get across to us is that her essential ladyness entitles her to be treated like a queen, even if if she is gutter-brawler on the hustings. And Marcus also would like to be treated like a queen.
Well at least he acts like one.
Yakkety Sax. That is all.
Should be mandatory intro for all GOP debates.
She and Brownback can get together (any way they choose) and compare notes on how they thought being a politician would win them nothing but worship and adulation.
The only thing she shares with Michelle Obama is bilateral symmetry.
Well, both are non-sessile as well. Be fair.
Do you think one L has a baleen?
Fishbone Libel!
Sarah Palin's song should be "How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?"
Isn't there something with a more suitable title? Something like, I dunno, "Die, Bitch, Die!" comes to mind.
Our Michelle? She's a Brick…..House.
(She's mighty mighty, is what I'm saying)
You know she's got everything that a woman needs, to get a man.
I wish I could see her let it all hang out…
(Damn… I'll be back…)
Off to monitor twitter?
It doesn't *usually* twitter …
There's really no need for a drumhead court-martial.
Oh Shelley, just shut up and embrace your new campaign theme song.
Questlove is no mere 'drummer' you stupid twat.
Game respects game, which is why you got no respect from The Roots
She's jealous of Flotus's 2, yes count em' 2 L's.
(With apologies to Ogden Nash)
The two-L Michelle,
she has class.
The one-L Michele,
she's an ass.
And I would bet an ounce of pot
her husband Marcus #blowsalot.
Ogden Nash would THOROUGHLY approve! HAHAHAA!
You know what they call wiseacres that hang around
musicianspoliticians?Drummers.
Disssed by Jimmy Fallon's band. Harsh.
Suspending the drummer doesn't sound like all that big a deal if you have Catherine the Great aspirations. Context, people!
Fortunately for Michele (and regrettably, for Marcus) that story about Catharine the Great and the horse seems to have been a posthumous invention by Catharine's enemies.
Michele heard it was a posthumous invention, but she doesn't think it's funny at all. Suspend the drummer! Suspend them all!
I call a new rule (this is Calvinball we are playing, right?): noone is allowed to be offended by any insult that had to be explained to them.
Sorry, you're standing in the double rebound zone, so we all have to get offended by what you just said.
Go to hel.
You kids! Always in a hurry nowadays…
Win, for brevity and wit.
Next time they should play "Little Spanish Flea," because I'd like to see her face as she tries to figure out how everyone else in the room is able to hear her brain's thinkin' music too.
It's always unsettling to realize there is some respect in which I can understand the point of view of the female Norman Bates, but I see what she's getting at. I too am always irritated to realize that people would do things differently if I were Michelle Obama.
For example, just last week I ordered a pastrami Reuben sandwich at the deli close to my office, and they brought me one with corned beef. And Russian dressing on the sandwich instead of on the side, as I had asked. And really, I thought – If I were Michelle Obama, they would not have screwed up this order. And last Friday, I wanted to renew a library book over the phone, and the person on the line said "Sorry, once it's overdue, you have to bring it in. No renewing over the phone." And so I had to cart the book down to the library (it was raining) and trudge back. I just know that they would have renewed that book over the phone if I had been Michelle Obama. Last week I was shopping at Macy's and the sales clerk was very discourteous. Afterward I thought over and over again about the respectful treatment that Michelle Obama would have received. Stuff like that happens to me all the time.
But today I had a basic insight that I will share with Crazy Eyes: "You're not Michelle Obama. Live with it."
Pete? Pete Hoekstra? Is that YOU?
FLOTUS isn't out of the question for Michele. I saw Herman checking her out…
Suspend the drummer. Hang the DJ.
Hey, if the 'Crazy Ass Bitch' shoe fits you just have to wear it.
Michelle O'Bama wants your pecan pie.
She needs your pecan pie.
YOU PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE TEH TROOTH!!!
Does Michele with 1L realize that this wouldn't have happened with Michelle with 2LLs because 2LLs isn't and will never be the song title?
No, Michele doesn't realize that, because nothing — NOTHING! — that happens to Michele is ever Michele's fault — it's always someone ELSE's fault, and sometimes that someone just happens to have the correct (suitable, fitting, accepted) number of ELLZ!
Crazy, lyin' assed bitch thinks people shouldn't call her a crazy lyin' assed bitch just for being a crazy, lyin' assed BITCH. They should only call her that if she happens to be CULLUD.
I think Fallon and the Roots were absolutely wrong for playing "Lying Ass Bitch."
They should have played "Smack my Bitch Up" (NSFW).
Well, to be fair, they really should have saved "Lyin' Ass Bitch" for Marcus's appearance.
I got this from The Obama Diary website. The Prez is rubbing the heck out of Michelle's arm and shoulder. It is so endearing. 1L Michele needs some genuine man attention is my guess. The arm rubbing begins at the 2 minute mark, and doesn't stop for like 5 minutes. Adorable, keeping the FLOTUS warm, (and getting me hot!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USsaZso1HrQ&fe...
That is sexy and so cute, I just love these two human beings, I cannot help myself.
He is sooo romantic. And the one where the baby stops crying when he picks it up, that was great too.
I'd be happy to take either or both of them home any time.
I don't understand why the RWNJs have so much personal and heartfelt hate for this man. I can understand not being happy with his policies — some of them make me downright furious — but on a personal level the guy is a walking, talking advertisement for all that is best about this country. Brilliant, articulate, outspoken, lucid, charming, a romantic to his wife but apparently impervious to the charms of others, a loving father and husband, fit, handsome, and the most telegenic person EVER to hold that post. He makes Jack Kennedy look like a schlub, and I'm a lifelong Jack Kennedy devotee.
When Marcus is First Lady, if the band plays "It's Raining Men", she can get all pissy. Until then, shut up, honey.
She's not gonna get beyond "First Lady of Teh Bachmann Farm," so I guess that would be "never."
The fact that she brings attention to it on her own is exactly like the outrage from Rick Santorum's first Google result, and that's worse since it's permanent and easily accessible to anybody online.
Sure, punish a band member, everybody knows they play whatever comes into their heads in these situations. They should have played "The Impossible Dream".
Heh, heh, perfect visuals too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVof0qj7SOw&fe...
Bachmann said, "Imagine if I was Michelle Obama and I went on Fox and Friends, and they played 'Movin' On Up,' and I said 'Kiss my black ass, you honkeys,' and bitch slapped Steve Doocy, and when I got back to the White House, my husband would say, 'C'mon, baby, let's listen to some Barry White records and make slow love,' and I would gaze deeply into his eyes and say, 'You may be a Kenyan socialist, but you're my man.'"
At this point, Bachmann seemed to lose her train of thought and became visibly flustered.
Back in the day, Barack Hussein Obama showed himself into a campaign event to the background music of "I got 99 problems and one of them ain't the bitch!"
He was running against his current Secretary of State.
Jesus, something must have gone on in the meantime.
Not quite.
Ooooh, ooooh! *raises hand frantically* I know this one!
Give the gentleman or lady a cigar (made of candy).
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