Supreme Court Obamacare Hearing To Enrich Lobbyists, Ruin Our Lives

In finally deciding to consider the constitutional merits of Obamacare, our black-robed Supreme Court overlords have gone and turned a deaf ear to our collective entreaties to PLEASE DON'T! as though we were some kind of publicly defended death-row inmate or something. Now the Divine Nine will get to run their stubby fingers through the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act's supple entrails over five-and-a-half hours of oral arguments this March. Well, la-di-da for Law School over there! Meanwhile, the rest of us can look forward to MONTHS of Obama, Newt Romney, and associated jerkholes screeching on the teevee about who can bend the cost curve over the kitchen table harder, as the insipid and vacillating   Harry and Louise watch in mealy-mouthed horror, forever and ever, until the sun explodes and it's Election Day, 2012.

 The Hill reports on the retrofitted T-shirt cannons that will be spewing cash and prizes in the general direction of all lobbyists and political profiteers:

Next year's Supreme Court decision on the healthcare reform law could be the most heavily lobbied ever.

Corporations, unions, trade groups and advocates are expected to spend millions of dollars over the next few months trying to shape the court's thinking on whether the law's individual mandate is constitutional. Their efforts will include ideological appeals, popularity contests and recusal campaigns - none of which are likely to have much effect on the outcome of the case.

This useless spending spree is, in part, meant to convince liberals that Ginni Thomas isn’t just going to pass out Trapper Keepers to all the Justices with their opinions already typed up on Lisa Frank brand stationery. But the Liberty Central PAC is part of our economy that needs recovery, too!

The language both sides will rely on to make their case is already well-honed, whether it’s through public statements, op-eds or friend of the court briefs. For Democrats, it’s all about the law’s benefits.

[...]

“On the Republican side,” said [Michael Wissot, a senior strategist with Republican messaging guru Frank Luntz's firm] said, “the hope is to appeal to the [Antonin] Scalias and the [John] Roberts of the world when it comes to constantly referring to this as a 'government-run mandate,' using words like … 'overstepping its bounds’ … and 'invading' the lives of the private citizen.”

Yeah, who is this “government,” anyway, except for probably a Waffle House plot by Michelle Obama and Keith Olbermann? Who are they to be approving things, without all of us calling or texting a 1-800 number to keep our favorite subsection of H.R. XYZ from being voted off the island dance floor? Enough of this government-run tyranny! We demand both our hobo beans and our cut-rate neurosurgeon’s hands unwashed. It’s called freedom , and it isn't free. [ The Hill ]