republican family values

Lady Claims Whirlwind 13-Year Romance Affair With Herman Cain

How can he lose?A pretty lady claims she had a 13-year-long sexytime affair with Herman Cain, the chain restaurant executive who is apparently still running for president. Coincidentally, the lady claims Herman quit wanting to get sexytime with her just eight months ago, just before he launched his presidential campaign in May. Cain denies the sexytime, but says he knows the lady and was “just trying to help her financially,” which is a very kind thing to do! Who would not appreciate some financial help from a wealthy businessman like Herman Cain? And who among us would turn down maybe 13 years of getting busy with Herman Cain, for romantic reasons?

We just want to STOP RIGHT NOW and say that if Herman Cain quits the GOP race just because he had an affair for a long time with a lady, and was also married the whole time and also always sexually harassing his employee women, then Newt Gingrich better quit the GOP race TWO TIMES, minimum, because that’s how many times Newt Gingrich has divorced his previous wives to marry his current mistresses. And also Newt Gingrich is a CROOK, which nobody has yet accused Herman Cain of being, we don’t think?


The woman, Ginger White, made the disclosure in an interview with Fox 5 News in Atlanta, becoming the fifth person to accuse Mr. Cain of improper behavior. Ms. White is not, however, claiming that harassment took place. Rather, she described what amounted, in her words, to a romance.

“It was pretty simple,” Ms. White said. “It wasn’t complicated. I was aware that he was married. And I was also aware I was involved in a very inappropriate situation, relationship.”

This is some kind of election season, Jesus christ …. [NYT]

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    1. iburl

      The only good news for Santorum would be if the Koch Brothers both purchased Google and also invented and deployed an orbital mind control laser that erases the part of the brain that remembers what Santorum means.

      1. tessiee

        But if you want margarine, he will bring you the finest margarine the world has ever known.
        There will also be peas.

  1. flamingpdog

    Mr. Cain went on CNN on Monday afternoon to pre-emptively address Ms. White’s claims, saying, “I want to give you a heads-up and everyone a heads-up.”

    "Then I want all the womens to do a heads-down" into my crotch!

    1. MzNicky

      The most revolting mental image ever created (or at least of the current campaign season) is of a woman's head being shoved toward Herman Cain's crotch. Actually, just of Herman Cain's crotch. Actually, just of Herman Cain. Thanks a lot, sexual-harrassee No. 4, or whoever you are! Now I'm nauseated again.

      1. MzNicky

        A wingtard last night actually wrote that "The family values stuff is out of fashion. Try to keep up." Who knew!

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      hey I had NOTHING to do with this, ol Uncle Herman did this one on his OWN so he can blame his SELF!

  2. the_problem_child

    His campaign staff would never have vetted/ put up with such crap themselves, so he must be fairly insulated from the reality of the hawt sexytime he was otherwise engaging in completely consensually but without his wife watching/ seeing/ being all over sextyfucking for 13 years? Hell, that's longer than my marriage. She never wanted to be VP or FL so it's cool.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      Campaign staff? I think all Herman Cain ever meant to do was an extended book tour. It's not his fault that all the other GOP contenders are such weenies that the dumbass pizza guy looked good by comparison.

    2. PuckStopsHere

      Herm's campaign staff was out enjoying a dart (Canadian slang for "cigarette") during the 13 years this was ongoing. OMG! This is the 1,000th comment of my Wonket career!

  3. DahBoner

    It's Herman Cain's own version of Affirmative Action for his "friends",

    Who Just Happen to Be Pretty Unemployed White Women

    1. mayor_quimby

      I've been trying to figure out if Ms. Ginger White is, in fact, white. Several friends and I are unsure, but Ginger is a pretty white name, even for light-skinned Negresses from ATL.

      1. DahBoner

        Every African-American has European genes, only recently by choice.

        She's got the caucasian phenotype.

        Cain, obviously, has an Endophenotype, which is associated with mental illness…


    Am I the first one to notice there is a new way to comment? What is this? I’ll have to fill in this form each time won’t I?

          1. Chichikovovich

            But sadly for Herman, there is only one golden ring in the song, and it's the one Mrs. Cain is going to be throwing in Herman's face on the way to visit Jackal, Jackal, Shark and Cobra esq. divorce attorneys and proctologists.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      In the third person, no less: "Herman Cain thought that was wonderful. Anybody who says Herman Cain can't bring a woman to orgasm doesn't know Herman Cain. The thing about pleasing a woman is, that I know Herman Cain had a good time, and if Herman Cain had a good time, then the woman with Herman Cain had a good time. It's that simple."

    2. Tundra Grifter


      I'm betting he's more of a do'er than a talker. After a hard day at the office, giving speeches for tens of thousands of dollars each, I suspect he just got right to work.

      One of the problems with these out of town affair thingies is the happy couple really can't go out – no quiet dinners, movies or the theatre.

      The outside party is pretty much stuck in the hotel room. Bet she watched a lot of tv.

      Since the GNoP seems to have forgiven Ole Newt for his many sins – after all, no matter what he's done in the past, he's still not Mitt – the path to (and from) Redemption Island seems clear for Mr. Cain. It will only take a dozen years or so…

  5. NYNYNYjr

    He's making CEOs, Politicians, Southerners, Blacks, Republicans and men named Herman all look bad. It's time to bring out the bastard baby and be done with this, as Bieber might say.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    Cain! as Biz Markie
    You, you got dirt on meeee but I say she’s just a friend
    And I say she’s just a friend, oh Wolfieeee
    You, you got dirt on meeee but I say she’s just a friend
    And I say she’s just a friend, oh Wolfieeee
    You, you got dirt on meeee but I say she’s just a friend
    And I say she’s just a friend, oh Wolfieeee

  7. Moonbatting Average

    Ok, ladies, coming out with allegations against Herman Cain is so 2 weeks ago. We require dirt on Gingrich at the moment. Or Romney, that would be outstanding.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      There was a piece today on HuffPo that flirted with the idea that Mitt's temper would be his weak point. It brought up his putting his hand on Rick Perry's arm during that debate, and apparently he once cursed out a young man who was holding up traffic to his Salt Lake City Olympics, which he'll remind you that he singlehandedly saved in case you haven't memorized that part of the catechism yet. Anyway it was soooo lamely speculative that I won't even trouble you with the link. But just because he's a robot doesn't mean he doesn't suck.

      1. Negropolis

        Didn't he almost get decked on a plane by one of the bastards from LMFAO, last year, after they exchanged words? I always thought it was strange how both parties tried to play it down; it always seemed to me that there was a lot more t the story than was being told.

    2. friendlyskies

      Most men are smart enough to pay off their mistresses and assault victims before the Festival of STDs that is the GOP primary. But not our Herman the Herp Sore.

    3. Tundra Grifter


      Ole Newt has more dirt than a redneck front yard. The GNoP conservative "base" (it would be the fringe except that would require actually being teathered at one end) requires someone who isn't Mitt, and no matter how you spin it, even if they were separated at birth we've seen both of them in the same room at the same time.

      If we are so lucky as to get Newt as the Republican nominee, I think it will be a replay of Goldwater in '64. Good Times!

    4. chicken_thief

      Good point! And where's all the stories of sexitime Rick doing the deed with everyone in the state of Texas? Is he doing so poorly in the ratings that the offer of cash for evidence was pulled?

  8. OkieDokieDog

    It's really not any of are (thanx and hat tip to Skott Wawker) business what Herman did in his youth. All men sow their wild oats.

    Oh, recently as 8 months ago, ya say sexytime lady? This is so our business.

    1. MzNicky

      Yes. Remember, Henry Hyde admitted to his own "youthful indiscretions," I believe he called them, that occurred when he was in his 40s.

  9. Callyson

    When his new book, CEO of SELF, came out in 2001, she says Cain once again autographed it for her writing, "'Friends are forever! Everything else is a bonus.'"
    I take it "friends with bonuses" is the CEO equivalent of "friends with benefits" then?

  10. dailyworldwatch

    Story goes like this. Single, white female…black pizza man comes, sympathises and tries to help…affair and hump…plot is VERY, VERY familiar.

    It is the 80s all over again, baby! :)

    1. tessiee

      It's even worse than you think. In all of that eternally long 13 years, he never once, not even by accident, found a clitoris.

  11. Callyson

    Late this afternoon, Cain’s attorney, Lin Wood, sent FOX 5 the following statement:
    "Mr. Cain has been informed today that your television station plans to broadcast a story this evening in which a female will make an accusation that she engaged in a 13-year long physical relationship with Mr. Cain. This is not an accusation of harassment in the workplace – this is not an accusation of an assault – which are subject matters of legitimate inquiry to a political candidate.
    Rather, this appears to be an accusation of private, alleged consensual conduct between adults – a subject matter which is not a proper subject of inquiry by the media or the public. No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life. The public's right to know and the media's right to report has boundaries and most certainly those boundaries end outside of one's bedroom door."
    OK then…where was this guy in the 90's, when the Reeps were digging into Clinton's pants? Oh, right, he was busy digging into some pants as well…

    1. Mumbly_Occupado

      Or, for that matter, much more recently, when John Edwards or Anthony Weiner were drummed out of politics for completely consensual, and legal, behavior? Which in the latter case didn't even actually involve any bedrooms or actual sexytime?

      Oh wait, iokiyar. I keep on forgetting.

    2. MzNicky

      "alleged consensual conduct between adults"? You mean she raped poor Herman Cain? For 13 years? That bitch!

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Alright, I got to break character for a minute…

      I thought the joke was that the implied answer had to be somehow related to Hitler or some other historic foreign dictator, as per Glenn Beck's habit of comparing people to Nazis all the time.

      Unless you're saying the Nazis were white, and you're calling me a ginger.

      1. Chichikovovich

        I absolutely agree. For example, if we relax the Hitler standards for the "you know who else?" threads, it will have the same destructive effect on Traditional Marriage as the existence of gay marriage in a handful of states has had. Which is, I'm assured, a helluva lot.

        \nosnark{But come on now people: a "you know who else?" question must admit "Hitler" as an obvious (preferably the most obvious) answer.}

        1. BelleSC

          "\nosnark{But come on now people: a "you know who else?" question must admit "Hitler" as an obvious (preferably the most obvious) answer.}"

          And Palin. Also. Too.

          1. RadiosTyrone

            OhMyZeus you guys, a semiotic discussion of the "you know who else" meme. Actually, it's kind of funny.
            But if you're in need of a gingery nazi, Ernst Roehm would work.

        2. Chet Kincaid

          Not always. Other people have asked non- Hitler ones that are perfectly witty. You can always answer "Hitler", or "all of them, Katie", if you're not as sick to death of that as most people.

          1. BarackMyWorld

            I never noticed any before.

            Limiting it to connections with Hitler/Nazis/some other historic foreign dictator preserves original intent of "Obama/liberals as fascists" logic that inspired the meme. The fun part is trying to come up with some way the topic is loosely related to Hitler/Nazis/dictators that sounds just as far-fetched as Glenn Beck, Jonah Goldberg, Laura Ingraham, etc.

          2. Chet Kincaid

            The meme did not originate with wingnut Obama fantasies, it's a verbal expression of Godwin's Law and Reductio ad Hitlerum, both of which existed long before 2008.

            If we're going to make rules about this specific meme though: in my view, if the intended correct answer is a figure who is reviled or despised for some reason, it's on-meme.

            At any rate, we are not the boss of Wonkette, so we can wave our Roberts Rules Of Order all day and it won't stop the pee shower.

          3. RadiosTyrone

            Haha, you fascist mongers:
            A few observations on the "ykwe?" meme:
            1. The first rule of "ykwe?" is that there are no rules.
            2. The answers are usually better than the question, and accordingly, typically receive more upfists.
            3. It's in bad taste to answer the question yourself, Owls has lost a few feathers over that faux pas.
            4. I forget what 4 was for.

  12. memzilla

    New SAT Question:

    Herman Cain:Fidelity as George W. Bush: _____________

    a, Intelligence
    b. Perspicacity
    c. Farsightedness
    d. Restraint
    e. All of them, Katie
    f. None of them, Katie
    g. Gloria Allred on Line 1, Katie

  13. ThundercatHo

    Who could resist some of that sweet, thick, hot chocolate sauce that is Hermie slowly poured over a double scoop of black walnut ice cream?

      1. ThundercatHo

        This sounds much more enjoyable than running every morning for a week to work off those extra holiday calories. Hey, new Herman Cain wt loss plan: watch the video and lose 9lbs9oz in 9 minutes!

      1. MzNicky

        "Libya … Libya … labia … no wait, Herman Cain has all these things twirling around in Herman Cain's head …"

    1. MzNicky

      It was an escape from her usual hum-drum existence, she says. Herman Cain must feel so soiled and used.

    2. tessiee

      Beer goggles, my ass; she must have come tapping into the room with a white cane.
      Hey! I made a pun!

  14. Dok-cupy Everything

    In a related story, retiring Congressman Barney Frank wondered why straight people can't seem to sustain stable, monogamous relationships like he has.

  15. memzilla

    Psst: Herman? Silvio "Bunga Bunga" Berlusconi might not be the best political role model for you to follow.

  16. RadiosTyrone

    Now, doesn't Mitts just seem like the all-American guy? Simply needs to get past the last lure rabbit in the race, the "just a country professor," "I've already been vetted" amphibian!

    1. JustPixelz

      The party of family values will choose Newt with his affairs, three marriages, religious conversion, and career as a money-hungry lobbyist over Obama's single, faithful marriage* and uncorrupt career because Newt is:
      – a fat pasty old white guy
      – willing to send children into coal mines
      – married to a robot
      – also fat

  17. SayItWithWookies

    Clearly Herman Cain needs to be our next president. Anybody who can run for office now, knowing the shit's only going to get deeper and thicker, and that he's not going to have any idea why he disagreed with Barack Obama because he just can't be bothered to watch the news for the last six months, and whose tax concept came from Sim City, definitely has the character that Dubya only wished he had when that sissy handed off Iraq, Afghanistan and the economy to our current prez. Man's a fuckin' ten foot brick shithouse of lies, and that's what the GOP is built on.

  18. user-of-owls

    Rather, she described what amounted, in her words, to a romance.</>

    So that's what they're calling Stockholm Syndrome these days. Huh.

  19. Geminisunmars

    And he thought she was a friend. Now why would a friend do him that way after 13 years of friendship? I guess last May he said to her essentially the same thing Romney said to his Gardner "Geesh, I can't have you (and/or illegal browns) around. I'm running for President after all."

    1. chicken_thief

      I think we know the answer to this question: a thrusted hand up the skirt as he forces the head down to his crotch. Accompanied by words women love to hear. Like "you want a job, doncha?"

  20. Negropolis

    One can have a "whirlwind" romance that lasts for 13-effing-years? Really? Hell, that's practically a common law, sister-wife. Yet, he speaks of this woman as if she's some stray cat he found on the side of the road.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Perhaps "whirlwind" refers to the sexytime – not the 13 years.

      Would give a new spin to "Boom Boom Out Go the Lights."

  21. Negropolis

    Speaking on Gingrich, you know what other Republican primary candidate divorced his wife after she began to age?

      1. comrad_darkness

        It was probably less the age than the crippling in the car accident. But it could have been both.

  22. Antispandex

    OK, just so I understand this, she admitted it? That she had sex with Hermie? And she is a human woman, right? I have lived long enough.

  23. Mumbletypeg

    Every time I think I'm over the pic (shown, above) of Herm covered in projectile pizza, and the pic goes away for a while but then comes back, I reverse my decision. A reliable source of giggles, that one.

  24. datateday

    "Herman quit wanting to get sexytime with her just eight months ago, just before he launched his presidential campaign in May."

    Herman Cain knows EXACTLY when to turn the brick oven off…

    1. Negropolis

      That high school girl is a total boss. After having been demanded an apology, he ends up being the one to apologize. The force is strong with this human they call "Emma Sullivan."

  25. donner_froh

    He actually said that “just trying to help her financially"? Meaning he was "just paying for it."

    This goes way beyond dumb and into extreme weirdness.

      1. Chichikovovich

        And to get money for the life-saving heart operation her young special needs child must have soon.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Institution? Prostration? Prohibition? Prestidigitation? Prostate examination? Restitution? …. No, not those…. But it's on the tip of my tongue….

  26. bflrtsplk

    Let's see. Thirteen years pounding this woman plus all those other women so far and his wife, all at the same time? How many of them things he got between his legs, anyway? I mean, hoooowwweeee!

    1. BlackDashboard

      A man can only do so much. I'm guessing it was a strap-on made from pepperoni he lifted from work.

  27. Biel_ze_Bubba

    This will not matter to Herman's backers. They really don't give a shit — and that's pretty much all you need to know about the state of the GOP today.

  28. freddymcmurray

    Didn't the GOP try to win a race in KY or TN by advertising that the black Democrat candidate was coming to take everyone's white women?

  29. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    He was just helping her out financially. You Socialist wouldn't understand, but as a good Capitalist, Herman Cain just made sure she earned every penny.

  30. __kth__

    At last a lady with whom Cain was successful, instead of one he merely propositioned or groped. Woo hoo Herman!

  31. Harry_S_Truman

    Spermin' Herman strikes again. Did this dolt think he could keep all this out of the press? Is he really that fucking stupid?

    This is just a carnival now.

  32. BlackDashboard

    "I was also aware I was involved in a very inappropriate situation, relationship. Of course, I was sad when Herman called it off, but on the bright side, I never have to listen to Herman's Barry White imitation again”

    1. tessiee

      "but on the bright side, I never have to listen to Herman's Barry White imitation again”

      Who knew it was possible to simultaneously laugh and puke?

  33. Chichikovovich

    What Newt did is different. He respected the Sanctity of Traditional Marriage by occasionally dumping the old wife for one of the serial philanderings and marrying the new model. Which is not only A-OK to the Party of Family Values, it's the new normal for Republican presidential candidates (see: McCain, John).

  34. Bluestatelibel

    This is getting too easy, when are we going to start picking on Willard? I've got a ton of haptic-feedback jokes that are just sitting here doing nothing.

    1. lulzmonger

      To each his own. I'm looking forward to all the "For years I made a fortune by shitcanning thousands of workers for my psychopath overlords at Bain, & now I act like my doing that was more awesome than D-Day" jokes, myself.

  35. Mumbly_Occupado

    I'm actually willing to believe Herman Cain's side of things here, that he was just offering to assist her financially. Why, I'm sure he even offered to help her get a job.

  36. outragedcitizen

    It is obvious that the GOP thinks the American people are so uninformed, (Faux News), and stupid, (fans of Limpballs and O'Really) that they don't even bother to vet their candidates anymore.

    1. Tundra Grifter


      We saw the same thing in Illinois, when Mr. Obama was running for the US Senate. His Republican opponent dropped out after news leaked that he'd forced his wife to attend sex parties.

      So, the cynical GNoP'eers imported Alan Keyes to run against him. "Hey – you got a Black guy? We'll get a Black guy."

      It is now obvious that's Herman Cain's appeal. Period. EOS.

      This is a fascinating twist from those who consistently state they are oposed to Affirmative Action (unless it's legacy applicants getting into colleges and universities, of course – AA for white folks).

      The reactionaries propped up Mr. Cain as a candidate beause he's Black. That was enough for them. Happily, it doesn't appear to be enough for anybody else.

  37. Terry

    The best part about this sort of thing is listening to conservatives who pilloried Bill Clinton try to justify how when Cain cheats on his wife or sexually harasses someone that it's totally different and none of our business.

  38. Terry

    You know he's not going to leave the race until the GOP puts dynomite and a crowbar under him. He's making too much money sellilng books. All the while, his wife is waiting for him to drop out so that she can file divorce papers a discreet few months later.

  39. ThundercatHo

    So, when Mann Coulter said that "their" blacks were better than ours maybe she really meant hornier.

  40. Nothingisamiss

    The bestest was when this Ginger lady said to the Atlanta media: "Herman …well, he loves Herman ."

  41. BaldarTFlagass

    Listen, and understand. That Herminator is out there. He can't be educated. He can't be informed. He doesn't feel scorn, or remorse, or shame. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until your wallet's bled and your girl's legs are spread.

  42. DahBoner

    Meanwhile, Mary Ann is quietly living in Kansas, saving her 10 cent off coupons to use on Double Coupon day at the Piggley Wiggley.

    Not jealous at all..

  43. MzNicky

    I think he's already screwed that pooch, so to speak, by trotting out the Mrs. back in the sexual-harassment days for a tee-vee tour about how she knew Herman Cain so well and Herman Cain would never do such things behind Mrs. Herman Cain's back.

    How much of an ego-bag IS this guy? ick.

  44. neiltheblaze

    How dare this strumpet get her vagina in the way of Herman Cain's penis! Repeatedly for 13 years!

  45. Tundra Grifter

    Is it just me, or does Duh Gov'Nuh appear to be remarkably silent about these events?

    And everything else, for that matter.

    Not that I'm complaining. But can it really be that her fifteen minutes are finally up?

    With her shoved off-stage and Ole Newt the Republican front runner, 2012 is shaping up rather nicely.

    1. Chichikovovich

      It is odd. Silence is quite uncharacteristic of her, to put it mildly. There must be some explanation for the sudden low profile…

      Do you think that maybe she and Herman are playing "Michigan point guard and local sportscaster" on the sly?

  46. chascates

    Cain claims the 60 +messages were just his efforts to help her find a job, like his explanation about his first accuser. With the high unemployment in this country he's going to be the godfather of sexy-time!

  47. Polythene_Pam

    Does the long-time romance mistress get to stand beside him, too, during the 'forgive me' speech, to show that she, also, has forgiven him for fooling around on her with the ladies at work?

  48. chascates

    Just from HuffPo:
    Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain told his staff Tuesday morning that he is reassessing his candidacy and will make the decision whether to remain in the race in "the next several days."

  49. lulzmonger

    Newt Gingrich is a CROOK, which nobody has yet accused Herman Cain of being, we don’t think?

    Actually, I had heard that Cain WAS likely to wind up being investigated for being a crook vis-a-vis shady anonymous seed-capital that started up his campaign. Generic bogus rumor, or another victim of the lickspittle media lapdogs' Memory Hole?

  50. Jukesgrrl

    Or he could take Newt's shortcut and get baptized Catholic. The soul is immediately cleansed. Those old sins? Never happened. You can just never get a divorce (as if he could afford another one).

  51. Hagar7

    Dude, he was helping her out. It's just that when Herman Cain helps women out, somehow his junk accidentally ends up inside them (in this case, repeatedly, and for 13 years), but, hey, the guy just loves to help out! Why are you vilifying this Good Samaritan for something he has no control over?! Helping! With his penis!

  52. tessiee

    "and that's where the Republicans will draw the line."

    They'll put up with an awful lot from someone who goes after the girlies, thereby leaving the rentboys available.

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