MACARONI & CHEESE  2:35 pm November 23, 2011

Pat Robertson Mystified By Strange African-American Thanksgiving Ritual

by Ken Layne

The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview “her kind” (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin’ crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre food dishes and claiming it’s part of American Thanksgiving. Pat Robertson is aghast.

There is a reason we “like” Pat Robertson: He makes us stay “open minded” about the concept of a supernatural underworld where the Evil & Wretched are tortured for eternity. Because if Pat Robertson exists, doesn’t that leave open the possibility that his Final Resting Place also exists, in the form of Hell? And isn’t it nice to think about his sweetheart Jerry Falwell already in such a place, his vile throat constantly pounded by the razor-wire thousand-headed six-foot-long nuclear phallus of the Devil?

Anyway, these blacks, what are they saying “Sister!” to each other about? There is apparently a welfare dish known as “macaroni and cheese,” and oh my the blacks simply love this concoction, whatever it is. But only once a year, at Thanksgiving, or perhaps also at Christmas. In this way, they worship their ancestral Voodoo goddess, the macaroni. Pat Robertson cannot believe the way these blacks are fucking up his holiday. For Thanksgiving, he sticks to a strict diet of orally extracted goat semen. [YouTube]

 

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{ 327 comments }

nounverb911 November 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Robertson's old, he'll die soon anyway. Hopefully.

Dr_Zoidberg November 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm

See, I've been saying that for years, and it hasn't happened yet.

MrsBiggTime November 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Proves there is no god. Or if there is one, he loves fucking with us.,

horsedreamer_1 November 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm

God needs to get back on His Lithium pills.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:24 pm

About Robertson, or who? Uh, whom?

Fare la Volpe November 23, 2011 at 8:33 pm

"The good die young, but pricks live forever."

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm

He's alive? I thought Pat was a vampire.

LetUsBray November 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

No, that's Cheney.

NellCote71 November 23, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I keep thinking that about Cheney, too, and a heck of a lot of good it has done me.

Terry November 23, 2011 at 5:20 pm

And then, he'll burn in Hell with a clear view of gays, people of color, feminists, liberals, every kind of people he hates, being welcomed into Heaven with open arms.

Jerri November 24, 2011 at 9:16 am

I hope he lives forever. It'll drive him insane. (Uh, more so, I mean.)

Walkinwiddaking November 24, 2011 at 4:53 pm

God willing.

WhatTheHolyHeck November 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Once you go mac, you never go back.

Trannysurprise November 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I've got your blackup, sistagurl.

Crowe2011 November 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Wait… I ate macaroni and cheese yesterday. Am I black now? Does that mean accusations that Silvio Berlusconi (he of the macaroni) sexually harassed every woman in Italy are 'a high tech lynch mob'?

LetUsBray November 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I've had mac and cheese as prepared by an African-American co-worker. It's a fucking kick-ass DELICIOUS thing. Maybe the secret is lots and lots of butter, but if it had killed me I'd have died happy.

SmutBoffin November 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Fuck yeah and BAKE that shit too.

UnholyMoses November 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Not only the buttah, but also real cheese, not that powdered shit in the instant stuff.

I am starting to wonder, however, if The Mrs is part black — she makes an amazing homemade m&c.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

I'm surprised ALL white folks in this country don't get up EVUH morning wondering about that. Y'all are the blackest white folks.

Jukesgrrl November 23, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I ate macaroni (not to mention potatoes) made like that my whole life — baked with real cheese (my mother used colby), butter, and milk — and I'm whiter than Mitt Romney. When I was growing up dairy products were cheaper than meat. It's just a poor family's main dish. Or a Catholic family's Friday dish. I don't know why African-Americans get credit for mac and cheese, except that they're smart enough to serve it at holidays, too.

DemmeFatale November 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I'd rather go without than have crap mac & cheese and potatoes, but I'm a good cook. It mystifies me that cheap and nutritious ingredients are passed over for that pain-in-the-ass fakey orange cheese stuff in the blue box.

(My girls actually LOST the "freshman fifteen" in college.)

An_Outhouse November 23, 2011 at 6:24 pm

It was my Catholic family's Christmas eve dish! But only with oysters in it. It didn't count unless it had oysters. ( I have no idea why, the family was French and came from Canada via Wisconsin. I'm not seeing oysters in any of those places. Maybe it was just a joke they played on the young-ins but I recall the adults eating it too).

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Yeah, what's the big deal? We ate it growing up assuming it was All-American.

Terry November 23, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Lots of butter, some milk, then lots of cubed up Velveeta. Melt all that together, mix in the cooked macaroni, then put bread crumbs on the top if you are fancy. Bake and enjoy.

DocChaos November 24, 2011 at 12:18 am

Don't forget the secret ingredient – nutmeg.

Dr_Zoidberg November 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Oh, those silly colored folks. What next, their own version of Christmas?

a_pink_poodle November 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Keep those darned coloreds out of my White Christmas and my laundry because I'm tired of pink socks!

SmutBoffin November 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Mac 'n' cheese at Thanksgiving is strictly for the Urbans? The White Devils in WI would beg to differ…

An_Outhouse November 23, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Do the White Devils in WI put oysters in their Mac & Cheese? I'm doing some family historical research to figure out where the oysters came into this tradition we have.

ShaveTheWhales November 26, 2011 at 1:54 am

You're talking about Wisconsin, hence what they mostly put in their MacNCheese is MOAR CHEESE. Also, maybe some sausage bits. The only oysters I'd expect would be Rocky Mountain ones.

SexySmurf November 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Pat Robertson would never serve macaroni and cheese on Thanksgiving. Instead, he sticks with the traditional fried chicken, malt liquor and watermelon.

savethispatient November 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Yet he probably thinks putting marshmallows on top of yams and then baking them is a perfectly acceptable dish, though. The weirdo. IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT, DAMNIT!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I'm sure that whole marshmallow-on-yam pie thingy was invented by CorporateAmerica to KILL anyone who tries eating it.

anniegetyerfun November 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm

My teeth hurt just thinking about it. All the diabetics in my family love it, though.

jzgplj November 23, 2011 at 6:44 pm

That's why I prefer Kahlua yams at Thanksgiving, you get the sweet, with out the marshmallow stickyness :)

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm

What is this "stereotyping"? Is that a neocon Xtian fundie thing?

Pragmatist2 November 23, 2011 at 4:45 pm

It's when you classify people according to what kind of stereo they own. For instance the Negroes would own a "Boom Box" or "Ghetto Blaster." The Best people would own a Bang & Olufsen or the like. It makes it very easy to decide who you want your daughter to marry.

mereoblivion November 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I've eaten black-eyed peas 'n' sausage but never heard of blackaroni 'n' cheese. What next, cullud greens?

Graham Cracker November 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I'd feel PC guilt if I up-fisted this comment…

…but I did anyway

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 12:22 am

"cullud greens and blackaroni 'n' cheese."

Oh, that was good; that was real gud.

DrunkIrishman November 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm

oooh, she got sassy! I thought for sure she was gonna snap her fingers, shake her head and give Pat a little "nuh-uh, you ain't goin' there white boy…"

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

She's not going to be around long then. About 20 years ago Pat had this woman with a marked Scots accent, who really showed a flash of intelligence in her eyes and her questions whenever she was given interviews to handle herself. When it was the two of them together, she stuck to the script, and kept to the party line for the most part, but whenever Pat would say something particularly moronic or inflammatory, you would see a kind of twinkle and she'd gently say something mildly demurring like "Now, now….", or similar, with a little chuckle. Beautiful singing voice too. But apparently this was too much insubordination for Robertson, so she got disappeared and replaced by a blonde 100% American airhead who never showed a hint of independent thought, or indeed thought of any kind. Sassy black woman will have a similar fate, I've no doubt, unless she desassifies fast.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Are you carrying a torch or something? This sounds like a "Missed Connections" ad in the local alt-weekly.

Hey, I find Mika's disapproval kinda sexy on Morning Jackhole, so I can't judge.

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 11:14 pm

She had a kind of sharp intelligence and independence of mind that I always find hot, I'm not going to lie to you. And she was pretty in a kind of older woman Mrs. Robinson way. But anyone who worked for that Robertson's operation would have to have burrowed pretty deep in the batshit cave. I tried going out with a fundamentalist Christian that I was attracted to once, and even though I learned a lot in the process, overall the experience indicated that I must have done something very, very bad in a previous life. I figured that going through that fantasyland mind-grinder once per lifetime was plenty, thanks, and so no, no torch.

OkieDokieDog November 23, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Yes it is, Pat, and you can't have any.

Gotta love the RW's fake/stupid outrage at anything/everything.

Baconzgood November 23, 2011 at 2:46 pm

"What is with this 'B-Ball'? is that a black thing?"

-Pat Robertson-

SayItWithWookies November 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

My Italian-American relatives always start our traditional Thanksgiving dinner with a bowl of stuffed shells in marinara. I was completely shocked when, as a youngster, I discovered that this wasn't a universal first course. But Pat has no excuse — every potluck dinner I've ever been to has mac & cheese — but maybe that's all gone by the time he's done taking advantage of the altar boy.

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Wait, are you saying that Macaroni and Cheese is not a traditional Italian dish??? (I seriously get asked this question all the time).

DrunkIrishman November 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Yeah, well, my Irish-American relatives always started our traditional Thanksgiving dinner by polishing off a bottle of whiskey.

anniegetyerfun November 23, 2011 at 4:46 pm

My mixed-bag of a family starts our traditional every single morning off this way.

ShaveTheWhales November 26, 2011 at 1:57 am

Raviolis in homemade gravy. It's gotten me to show up for twenty years of holiday dinners.

jodyleek November 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Kraft Dinner – the bastard son of macaroni and cheese.

starfanglednut November 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Hey! I grew up on that stuff, and I turned out fine!

Oh wait…

Baconzgood November 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm

No one on Wonkett is "fine". This is the bastion for the warped and twisted.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

AKA "home," homeboy. And don't you fergit it.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Yo' mama would like a word wif you.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 12:26 am

'Tis true. Kraft is not macaroni, not how I know it, anyway.

LetUsBray November 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm

And that's with those weirdos who get their cranberry sauce from those little berries, instead of perfectly cylindrical out of a can?

Jukesgrrl November 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm

That must be what's wrong with Ken. Not cylindrical enough.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Gezus, the first time someone upended a can of that shit in front of me, I like to about died. WTF? Cranberries you can slice in large rounds?

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

It's better when you watch someone carrying it out to the Thanksgiving table on a plate.
If it's standing on end, it looks like a purplish hulu dancer.

anniegetyerfun November 23, 2011 at 4:47 pm

The first time I saw someone do that, I laughed out loud because I thought that they were trying to be funny. But it was not only serious, but meant as a beautiful presentation.

I wasn't invited back the next year, obviously.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Love your new av, annie!

PS: Yu R SO kruwell.

Angry_Marmot November 23, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Oh geez you ought to know better than to tell someone with a vivid imagination stuff like that. Now I'm never gonna be able to keep a straight face when I see one of those things again.

Millennial Malaise November 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Why do white people make it so easy to hate on them?

We're not the only ones who eat fried chicken. EVERYONE LOVES THAT SHIT.
We're not the only ones who eat cornbread. It's cake made out of cornmeal. SHIT IS DELICIOUS
And we're not the only ones who eat macaroni and cheese. It's just that white people only eat the kind that comes with a packet of neon orange cheeze substitute. Yum! Pat, I hope you die never tasting the cheesy goodness of my "urban culture."

SexySmurf November 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm

You are, on the other hand, the only people who eat chitlins.

Baconzgood November 23, 2011 at 3:00 pm

When I was a teen I worked as a gate attendent at an amusement park. On a particularly sweltering day, a lady in my line, dropped 2 pyrex pans of chitlins in front of me and they proceeded to bask in the 103 degree July sun for 10 hours. I guaranteed NONE of my black co-workers ever ate chitlins again.

Millennial Malaise November 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

*gag* Thankfully, my branch of the family doesn't eat pork.

Boom! Breaking down stereotypes, one holiday at a time.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm

You … MUST … be … a … Sekrit … MUSLIN!!!

Y'all are the only people in the world who don't revel in the juicy goodness of pigflesh.

emmelemm November 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Well, and the Jews.

Limeylizzie November 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Actually, we Brits enjoy all kinds of organ meat and other delicacies. I grew up teething on pig's trotters.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Sweetbreads. Steak and kidney. Liver and onions.

English food is truly horrible, Lizzie, my darling.

WhatTheHeck November 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

This is what made them go conquer the world – for some good foreign food, especially the curry. Brits love curry. And Chinese food.

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I love liver and onions. And what's better? Take two slices of bread, slather on the butter, slap on a leftover piece of liver, and eat a liver sammich!

Limeylizzie November 23, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Liver and onions is one of my all-time favourite meals and I used to request it as my birthday meal, as a child.

DocChaos November 24, 2011 at 12:33 am

Jellied eels. Tripe. Spotted Dick. Marmite. Brawn. Christmas Pudding. Haggis. Kippers. Trifle. Black pudding. The list goes on.

hilbillyheroine November 23, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Here in Oklihomie we call 'em "mountain oysters".

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Menudo.

horsedreamer_1 November 23, 2011 at 7:06 pm

La tripa es deliciosa.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:53 am

I have some major reservations about eating animal intestines, and was horrified that I polished off an entire bowl of a good friend's menudo with gusto (srsly) before I found out what it was.

Jukesgrrl November 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I'd suggest somebody point out to Pat that potatoes and cheese is quite French but he'd probably stop eating it and live even longer.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Oh, no, we don't want that. Him living longer, I mean. 900 years is quite enough.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I dunno, but I said the same to a friend I lunched with just yesterday (he's Haitian-Jewish-FrenchCreole outa Louisiana-NativeAmerican-NativeHawai'ian and his wife is Korean) and he told me off and chewed my ass up one side and down the other about how there's plenty hateable folks of every colour.

Still, I just wish they'd give it up with this Pat Robertson and food shit. It's SO FUCKING OLD.

JustPixelz November 23, 2011 at 4:30 pm

If you're wrong, I'm black. 'Cause you just named three of my four food groups: chicken, cornbread, mac&cheese (counts as one group) not from a box. The fourth group is peanut butter.

freddymcmurray November 23, 2011 at 4:58 pm

But you won't find many whiteys eating sweet potato pie.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 5:02 pm

It is the great Sweet Potato Pie/Pumpkin Pie Divide. Professing a preference for pumpkin pie is like bringing a white girl to Thanksgiving Dinner! (Take it from me, I've done both.)

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:16 am

For me, pumpkin is NOT for pie, it's something you cook with dried red chillies and dried or fresh prawns and coconut milk and spices.

There, that should keep you amused for another day.

freddymcmurray November 24, 2011 at 9:04 am

It is true that a lot of white folks don't know anything about popular dishes for black Americans. Hence Pat's inquisitiveness and off-color remark (no pun intended). I loathe Robertson with a white hot passion (again, no pun intended), but to me this is one of the least worst things he's ever said. But given his track record, it's not hard to interpret this statement negatively. And I do. If it were the only irksome or stupid thing he had ever said, I might even congratulate him for trying to educate himself.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:04 pm

I love sweet potato pie.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Of course you do! It's just down to figuring out where on the Indiana Jones-style map you come from, since you won't just out and say it.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:56 am

Aw, c'mon, Chet, I haven't had this much fun in ages!

finallyhappy November 23, 2011 at 10:55 pm

I resemble that remark. I love sweet potato pie but maybe I learned that from black people in south philly(I also ate bean pies frmo North Philly while at Temple u) . while you think I am white- I am Jewish- so I am sort of white. We think white people are the ones who eat white bread and mayo with meat -also they are Christians- always

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 8:03 pm

As I always say to my Jewish friends, when they get done loading up alla my people, they're coming for YOUR people.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 12:31 am

I get looked at with three heads when I tell my family I like pumpkin, and their all like "you can't really tell the difference, anyway, so why not like the sweet potato?"

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Throw another head in. I am looking at you so funny right now.

Fare la Volpe November 23, 2011 at 8:26 pm

And here I always thought black people never touched M&C because it was such a stereotypical white people thing. We are so differents, but we are so similarity!

Also, this thread is giving me new inspiration to go full vegetarian *blork*

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Yeah, I kinda went overboard with the blood there, din't I?

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Yes Pat, whenever two black people talk about something that YOU have never heard of, it's a "black thing". That's why Mac'n'cheese is featured on the Thanksgiving side dish page of the The Al Qaeda Kwanzaa Nairobi Food Network Nation Of Islam:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/thanksgiving-sides/pac

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

I'm about to click on that link…please tell me I won't have to see Rachel Ray's stupid phony face, Chet!

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

All clear!

themcwow November 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

It links to all their phony faces.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm

You're not afraid of being 'Deen-rolled', are you, Chillwaver?
~

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 3:28 pm

That was strangely arousing.

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Rumor has it that Chris Christie tried Jenny Craig before switching to the Paula Deen Diet.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I fell asleep, wut happened?

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Bobby Flay could sure use a punch in the face.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I heard that, mate. He really does have a sublimely punchable puss.

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Or two. And the host from Iron Chef needs to jump into one of those giant fryers.

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Something's wrong here. I don't see any mention of Giada's Cooking With Cleavage.

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Is Cleavage considered milchik?

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:04 pm

What are you now, glatt kosher?

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I wasn't thinking about the lungs.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:10 pm

"Giada"

Is she the petite woman with the terrifyingly huge man hands?

coolhandnuke November 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Robertson has been on my Dead Pool roster for the past 15 years. I'm sensing 2012 is our lucky year.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez

Fare la Volpe November 23, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:58 am

He's gone? Already? Hallelujah!

Damn, that was quick.

lowaltflier November 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Mac and cheese is a black thing?

Well then I was a hip little boy back in the day.

Mumbletypeg November 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Someone should've taken this withered muppet reject and park his tired ass in the Regent University Co-Op Charity Closet long ago. Where's the noble offspring ready to take the helm, isn't there a Marion Robertson Jr. that can play the successor's role with an nth less mediocrity than this deflated harlequin?

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm

He does have a kid who has some talking head duties on Pat's news shows, but he is even dumber than Pat. But dumb in a non-charismatic way – watching Pat can be quite compelling, like watching a staggering drunk guy juggle chainsaws. You know that something catastrophic and horrifying could occur at any second. But Pat Mark II is simply stupid as a stone, nothing more. Also unattractive – broadly the same features as Pat, but fatter faced and thicker. As if Pat was lying face up when his head was run over by a tank.

Not an improvement, is what I'm trying to say here.

Baconzgood November 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Haitians were originally under the heel of the Baked Beans. You know, Bush's the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us Mac & Cheeze from Kraft. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.

ManchuCandidate November 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Pat would shit himself in rage if he found out about weirdo Thanksgiving rituals in my family. We don't even eat turkey (no one likes turkey leftovers so it was an annual fight over who got to have the leftovers.) Last year it was Prime Rib and this year it was Duck. And we don't eat none of that candied yam shit.

Oh and we Canada City dwellers celebrate it in October.

flamingpdog November 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Better not be sayin' that in the Sailor household.

"I yam what I yam!" – Popeye T. Sailor

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Us neither. Can't be fucked with all that family shit. Usually I make Chilli Crab (which is utterly delicious) but since the crab fisherdoods are fighting with our local markets this year, we're having roast DUCK!! Yay! With potatoes and sweet potatoes cooked on the stovetop with nuggets of prosciutto, brandied red cherries, caramelized red onions, a little white wine to deglaze, and a smidge of duck stock and duck fat. Oh, and brussels sprouts stir-fried with more caramelized red onions and prosciutto. And then we'll play Scrabble by a roaring fire.

Screw that turkey and yam crap.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 4:37 pm

FOODGASM

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Truly. Just thinking about it has me seeing Rich Lowry STARBURSTS!

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Wow! Scrabble!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Sad but true. Every year for deity only knows how many, come winter, it's Scrabble time! Since I usually win 90% of the time, we've devised a new, co-operative form of Scrabble where we try for the highest combined scores. Otherwise it just gets boring, yaknow?

not that Dewey November 24, 2011 at 9:55 am

That sounds like "Flow Tennis", which I discovered a couple years ago. The point is to keep the ball in play for as long as possible. Good flow tennis players can keep it going for a couple hours. A friend that I hadn't seen in 20 years turned me onto it and we wrote an entire Non-Competitive Tennis Manifesto while we got some fun exercise in the sun with no risk of injury.

Non-competitive Scrabble. I like it!

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm

If I'm ever back in Canada for the October Thanksgiving I'll come to your house. I detest turkey to begin with, and my mother would invariably overcook it to just one grade below charcoal. Leading to the same pleading every year from me. (Me: Why don't we have something else, that we all like? Like prime rib? Mom: It's tradition! Me: Toronto not winning the Stanley Cup is traditional too but I don't hear you wanting that to continue. And it's an American tradition! Why not at least make tourtière? [Mom was an indifferent cook, but she had a repertoire of about 5 dishes she could make really well. Tourtière was one. I think take-out pizza was another.] Her: Nobody eats tourtière on Thanksgiving. Me: Well, why don't we at least celebrate something Canadian [This was usually a winning appeal with proud northern Mom, but the Thanksgiving propaganda had dug too deep.] I dunno – maybe a fondue, to commemorate the death of Père Brébeuf…. )

But none of that university learned arguing skill got me a step closer to something edible on that dreaded day.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:30 pm

OMG, I wish I had thought of making tourtiere for Thanksgiving this year! But I've never made it and it could turn out horrible. Perhaps I'll bully my Canadian best bud into bringing me some after they turf me out of the horsespital.

What a horrible thought, having to eat near-charred turkey for mercy's sake! I hope you're doing something decent for thanksgiving this year, like PRIME RIB!

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I brined some turkey breasts and slow-grilled them this summer; that was the best turkey I've ever had.

This tourtiere sounds awful though! Both tortoise and hare in the same pie?! Trop de gaminess!

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I'm guessing that "gaminess" is Franglais, deriving from the english "gamey", and not the French "gamin", slang for "little boy". Might be a bit edgy even for Wonkette.

['Course, since I secured an additionally severe level of hell in the above post, joking about a priest being tortured with boiling water, I'm not one to talk.]

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 5:05 pm

If only I had bothered to look up how to do html italics, I could have indicated by formatting that I don't know the French word for "gaminess"!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Since I grew up in Teh Coloniez, I grew up eating meat pie (which I actually liked a fair bit, Cornish pasties, Shepherd's Pie, that sort of thing). And the French can actually cook, so tourtiere has GOT to be better than the meat pies of my yoof.

I hope. (It's got spices!)

miss_grundy November 24, 2011 at 12:41 am

Have you ever had empanadas. The Cuban ones are yummy.

Chichikovovich November 24, 2011 at 9:15 am

Canadians speak French, but remember French Canadian culture was severed from and had little interaction with French French culture after the British conquest of Québec in 1760 (and Acadia fell 50 years earlier than that). At the time of the conquest, New France was a rural farming and fur trading society – not a place where you would find haute cuisine. And it wasn't a place where the spices featured in French cooking would be easily available. So traditional French Canadian food is like the food of any other peasant/working class tradition – it can be very good if made well, but it's fundamentally stolid and simple. (In complete contrast with the situation in Cambodia and – I would assume – Puducherry, where French styles interacted with local styles to produce something distinctive with a recognizable French influence.) Probably not all that far from what you grew up eating.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:26 pm

"This tourtiere sounds awful though! Both tortoise and hare in the same pie?! "

Yeah, but the problem is that when you cook them separately, they're never finished at the same time.

Chillwaver November 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"Keep Turkey in Turkey Day!"

AutomaticPilot November 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

This constitutes a War on Thanksgiving!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I'm in.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Hellz yeah. That Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving picture probably put a hundred therapists' kids through Harvard.

Guppy November 23, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Pat's bringing the "jive turkey."

Arken November 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I guess Pat is a PC & Cheese.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:44 pm

More like a Yak 'n Cheez.

DerrickWildcat November 23, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I have heard about this Macaroni and Cheese thing. That fat gay guy on Bizarre Foods was in some weird country and the native peoples gave him some to try and he totally puked it up.

bagofmice November 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Italian-African Franco-American libel!

owhatever November 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

No, Pat, it's not a black thing. It's that yellow stuff in the bowl. The black thing is your heart.

Nostrildamus November 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Bravo!

Nothingisamiss November 23, 2011 at 3:00 pm

OT: I am spending my pre Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving with coworker yahoos who believe that Herman Cain did "really well" in last night's debate, that all women accussers of him have been secretly planted by the demorats, and that ….Damn! That Herman will be a GREAT President! On the off chance that he is not the nominee, "Newt is a very smart guy." I hate this. These people have college degrees.

Happy Thanksgiving.

ManchuCandidate November 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm

My sympathies.

Baconzgood November 23, 2011 at 3:11 pm

You don't work on floor 42 do you?

emmelemm November 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

You're harshing my mellow.

PS That's awful; my sympathies.

Jukesgrrl November 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

You poor baby! I'll be dining with a bunch of social workers so we'll send you some "good vibes" (they believe in that shit).

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I usually smile at people like that and say, "You know, politics, death, and taxes are unacceptable subjects of discussion." If they persist, I start talking about death. Autopsies, forensic investigations, bizarre death rituals. I'm well-informed on the topic. They usually shut up around the time I launch into one of the grislier anecdotes.

My deepest sympathies, though. I would so adore to choke the living shit out of your cow-orkers.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving despite them. It's the best revenge.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:29 pm

"I would so adore to choke the living shit out of your cow-orkers."

Isn't that "cow-*irkers*"?

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:27 am

I guess that depends on whether they irk you or make you want to 'ork.

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Did Herb Cain invent the Mac & Cheese Pizza?

emmelemm November 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Wait, I've re-read: You have to spend Thanksgiving with your co-workers? Working, or "celebrating"?

Either way, awful. I raise a cranberry vodka in sympathy.

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 4:58 pm

That's pretty awful sounding, but at least they are coworkers, and not your own family. Yikes. We have a group of 12 composed of very left carnivores, leftist vegans, right wing Palinistas and Paulettes, and an astrologer. Fortunately no one is especially religious. A few semi-pagans. So we all bond over hating g-d.

BaldarTFlagass November 23, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Is that your family or your co-workers? Either way, yikes!

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Family. At least with co-workers you (usually) don't have to spend holidays with them. On the other hand, you often only see relatives at holidays. Like you said – either way is yikes.

An_Outhouse November 23, 2011 at 6:34 pm

"These people have college degrees"
no. They don't. Get a clue, they're frauds.

finallyhappy November 23, 2011 at 10:57 pm

well, maybe "degrees" from Liberty ,Regent or Grove City

miss_grundy November 24, 2011 at 12:35 am

Just because someone has a college degree doesn't mean s/he actually learned something while there. After all, there are so many frat and sorority house parties to attend, besides football, basketball and all other sports games………..

not that Dewey November 24, 2011 at 9:59 am

Let us know if any of them shows up in a hobo costume with $400 wine in a brown paper bag. We'll need pictures, obviously.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Oh Pat, if it weren't for black people and Injuns, southern crackers like you would have no food traditions at all.

OneDollarJuana November 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Chet, what about Coca Cola cake?

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm

OK, I'll give you that one, and that horrifying "Frito Pie" thing they do in Texas, also.

chascates November 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm

That may actually be a meskin developed dish.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Hunt them down and make them PAY!

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm
littlebigdaddy November 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm

And Cajuns.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Yep, can't leave out the Islandy, New Orleansy contributions of the French and Spanish (aka the Caribes and "West Indians")

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:48 pm

If it weren't for all them cullud folks with their herbs and spices, ol' Pat would still be tearing chunks of flamed bloody meat off bones with his yellowing teeth.

Joshua Norton November 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm

He makes us stay “open minded” about the concept of a supernatural underworld

Too bad on everything else he doesn't have the cursory knowledge of someone skimming the "National Enquirer".

flamingpdog November 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I think Pat's idea of a "black thing" for Thanksgiving is crack 'n fleas.

Limeylizzie November 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

When I first moved to this country I lived in Houston and my boyfriend, at the time , was a black pilot from Alabama, we drove to his family in Monroeville for Thanksgiving and I was astounded as the food was almost identical to English working-class food, I never felt at home with those crazy Houstonians, but I was right at home with the black folks.

June_Cleaver2.0 November 23, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Southern food's foundation is English working class food.

RadiosTyrone November 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

'Ol Pat is thinking of stuffing some turkey alright. Some dark meat turkey. Then he tells the story about Tom Jeff and Sally Hemmings. And then he's like, Yo' Condi Candy, I never fucked a war criminal before.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I wish SOMEone, anyone, would tell Condi Rice that "con di" means "prostitute" in VietNamese.

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 4:05 pm

And "Rice" means "Brinkley" in Ed Young-ese.

DerrickWildcat November 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Thanksgiving would be the perfect day to attack Iran, because they wouldn't even be looking. They're all like getting all the food ready and stuff and would be too busy to look out the window to see us sneaking up on them.

Chichikovovich November 24, 2011 at 10:02 am

That would have worked, except the US supermarkets bought up all the halal turkeys so Iran had to cancel their Thanksgiving.

starfanglednut November 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

He's barely restraining himself from asking if it's made with welfare cheese.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Just barely.

unclejeems November 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Aghast? I thought Robertson was a ghost. Ain't that miserable old cracker dead yet?

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:24 pm

I was shocked to discover that Billy Graham was still alive.

sbj1964 November 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I love real Homemade Mac&cheese Baked in the oven until it's golden brown around the edges.

Woyzerit November 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I must confess I do not eat Mac & Cheese for thanksgiving. Does that make me white?

BaldarTFlagass November 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

It is a black thing. Why, every night during the month of February I come home, whip up a pot of mac'n'cheese, and slap some P-Funk, Edwin Starr, Sly Stone, and Rick James on the turntable and jam out in honor of Black HIstory Month. In May I do the same thing for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, except with ramen/cup o'noodles, Wang Chung, Don Ho, Yo-yo Ma, James Iha, and the 5.6.7.8's.

Oblios_Cap November 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Mac-n-Cheese
What is it good for?
Just about everything!

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:37 pm

"I come home, whip up a pot of mac'n'cheese, and slap some P-Funk, Edwin Starr, Sly Stone, and Rick James on the turntable and jam out"

WAR!
HUH!!
Good God, y'all!
What is it good for?
Absolutely NOTHING!!
(Say it again)

*dances around living room*

johnnyzhivago November 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

I'd like to serve Pat a heaping dish of mac and cheese topped with some pepper spray in his fat ugly face.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm

That's a vegetable, you know.

chascates November 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Divorcing wife over Alzheimers? Yes.
Eating mac & cheese? What?

DerrickWildcat November 23, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I bet he hasn't had the fancy Macaroni and Cheese that's shaped like little Bunnies or Spongebob.

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I thought the Spongebob Mac and Cheese was pretty disappointing, because the Squidward ones didn't really look like Squidward.

not that Dewey November 24, 2011 at 10:01 am

Although they did TASTE like Squidward.

SenileAgitation November 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Just made a swell mac n cheese last week (recipe is right there on the dago pasta box) and damned if I didn't feel all finger snappy and "respect yourself" every time I had a helping. But we're wasps and forbidden by ancient taboo from desecrating Thanksgiving with such fare. This from a people who think creamed onions are somehow fit for a feast.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:32 am

I know I'm going to regret this, but — what are creamed onions, please?

Dudleydidwrong November 24, 2011 at 11:26 am

We all have our weaknesses. I grew up with creamed onions as part of every holiday feast (even when, during the Depression and War #2 we dined once a week on bread and ketchup as the main course) and I still consider creamed onions an essential ingredient of all Great Feasts.

Palinz, creamed onions: use the small "pearl" onions cooked in a roux of butter, flour, milk, sherry, parsley, paprika.

chascates November 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Also Pat: chitterlings are pronounced 'chit-lins' and in various countries across the world, such food is prepared and eaten either as part of a daily diet, or at special events, holidays or religious festivities, or as punishment for misbehavior.

VespulaMaculata November 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

30 years late for being set on an ice floe.

Nostrildamus November 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

.. Jerry Falwell already in such a place, his vile throat constantly pounded by the razor-wire thousand-headed six-foot-long nuclear phallus of the Devil?

And a very happy Thanksgiving to everyone at Wonkette!

Blueb4sunrise November 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

But do you enjoy your mac-n-cheese as much as Kortney?

Oblios_Cap November 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Doesn't that jackass have some 2000-lb leg presses that he should be doing?

chascates November 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

And for a porky take on mac & cheese I humbly submit 'Crack and Cheese':
http://www.amazingribs.com/recipes/other_side_dis

Goonemeritus November 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm

My Italian immigrant mother learned to make Mac and Cheese in home economics. She came home and promptly made it for her mother who acted as if she was being handed a chocolate dipped kitten head on a stick.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:37 am

I can imagine.

Antispandex November 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I'm confused …again. If I have it , and an African-American was not involved in the preparation, is it still anti-American? I hope not, because I love that shit. I am so tired of trying to figure this stuff out. I wish there was a handy book or web thingy I could consult.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:44 pm

"I am so tired of trying to figure this stuff out. I wish there was a handy book or web thingy I could consult."

It's in the bible, right after the part that says nobody's allowed to wear a mullet.

kissawookiee November 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Of course it's a black thing. Didn't he see Sandra Lee use it as frosting on this year's version of the Kwanzaa Cake?

north_of_moscow November 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm

White people do starch like this, but the black folks, they do starch like this….

anteater November 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm

"these blacks" have been fucking up his holidays for lo these many years.

dinkybossetti November 23, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Just yesterday, in time for Thanksgiving, a monument to mac & cheese was erected in Philadelphia.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Hmmm, looks like The Blax might have more reach and Klout than Pat thought, eh?

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Obviously, it's time for Pennsylvania to secede from Philadelphia.

Redhead November 23, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Hey Robertson. We have mac n cheese at EVERY Christmas and many Thanksgivings. And I'm paleity pale pale as pale can be.

*sits back, watches mind explode.*

Crowe2011 November 23, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Mac and Cheese is Condoleezza Rice's favourite dish. She eats it once a year. Nice to know she hates herself as much as she does everyone else in the world.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:45 pm

"Nice to know she hates herself as much as she does everyone else in the world."

But nowhere near as much as everyone else in the world hates her.

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 10:31 am

Now that her Number One Fan is dead, who has possession of the legendary Condi Rice Scrapbook? Xe must declare a new Crusade to liberate this sacred relic!

DahBoner November 23, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Yeah, I like my Mac N. Cheese with smoked salmon, cranberries, seaweed and toasted walnuts.

It's uh White Boy Who Knows Too Much thang…

WhatTheHeck November 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Green Jello is salad to Pat, yet he thinks Mac+cheese is odd?
Too much turkey tryptophan Pat. Makes one senile. And mean.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Pat was that way LONG before turkey.

Ancient_Hacker November 23, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Pat, a hint:

Black people eat, among other things, ribs, chitlins, and mac and cheese– all things the white folks couldn't stand to eat.

So it's a bit hard for you to complain that they're eating the only things they could get or afford. Perhaps you'd rather they all starved?

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Well, yes, actually. He would. How did you know?

GOPCrusher November 23, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Speak for yourself. This white boy loves ribs.

DailyGrumbles November 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is recruiting black people…one bite at a time

comrad_darkness November 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

If Alton Brown has a recipe for it, it's part of heaven.

PawPawNegroBlowtorch November 23, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Mr. Robertson is right to be cautious, flummoxed and perhaps a little frightened. After all, it seems like only yesterday when that Invisible Nonexistent Giant Negro sliced up the angelic face of McCain campaign volunteer Ashley Todd. (How soon they forget!!) Who knows what horrors get cooked up in the itsy bitsy minds of those inscrutable coloreds.

archikvetch November 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

When he hears about the tamales at Xmasidad, watch out!

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:39 am

Cris? Is that you?

June_Cleaver2.0 November 23, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Our family always had baked macaroni and cheese for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We never had mashed potatoes or rice, because we thought those were too every day. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Don't play black Thursday!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Happy Thanksgiving, Mrs. Cleaver. Yay for the mac 'n cheez, and fuck Pat Robertson also too.

poorgradstudent November 23, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I love the reporter's response. It sounded like she was trying to congratulate him for not phrasing it as "colored thing."

whatupirondog November 23, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Pat's perfect combination of out-of-touch wealthiness and casual bigotry has made him a beacon unto the republican electorate for years and yet he still surprises. Well done, you ignorant Christfucker!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 23, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Pat is probably just horrified that if you have to sit down for Thanks Giving with black people, they are constantly yelling "Where's my M-Fer Mac and Cheese! What the F am I going to have with my M-Fer ice tea!?!"

Neoyorquino November 23, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Southern thing, southern thing, southern thing.

While originally Nor'easters, we've had it for Thanksgiving for many years, introduced to it by our (white) southern-fried friends at the time. And it is amazing . . .

user-of-owls November 23, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Hey, macaroni.

–Los del Rio

horsedreamer_1 November 23, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Thank you.

anniegetyerfun November 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm

We have a Canadian tradition for Thanksgiving (which we only usually eat at Canadian Thanksgiving) called Green Slime. It's like an ambrosia salad, but better. It involves pistachio pudding, cottage cheese, marshmallows, unsweetened whipped cream, crushed pineapple, and unsweetened coconut flakes. It's not nearly as sweet as you would think, and it looks AWFUL, which makes it all the more awesome. Big hit with kids.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 12:42 am

Is it really called Green Slime, or are you just making that up? lol

CrunchyKnee November 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

I just bought a box of "New Black Panther Party Mac & Cheese." Deee-lish.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 4:56 pm

The deal actually is, Pat can no longer remember or fathom what poor or middle class people of any color eat.

And as I look at the wiki, I see that he's always been a rich son-of-a-Senator, so wiping his own ass probably mystifies him.

dadanarchist November 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm

An earthquake will straighten them out.

cotugirl November 23, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Dumb ass lives in VA Beach, he should know mac and cheese is Southern. It's not just a black thing. It's standard at all holiday dinners. Idiot.

Bonghits4Jesus November 23, 2011 at 5:47 pm

The 700 Club in a nutshell, "a supernatural underworld where the Evil & Wretched are tortured for eternity".

thefrontpage November 23, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Dickwad nimrod moron ignoramous Pat Robertson should be taken late at night to a public housing project in Newark, New Jersey, bound in ropes and chains, and left there, in the middle of one of the lawns in front of one of those huge, towering public housing apartment buildings. Then we shall see God's hand at work, Robertson! Then you'll understand the true meaning of justice!

Indiepalin November 23, 2011 at 7:47 pm

I'll have me some fried chicken, some watermelon, and some kool-aid….

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Franco Harris and Giancarlo Esposito are so torn when mac'n'cheese is placed before them.

Ms_Anthrope November 23, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Pat doesn't speak africanese. Obvs, this "makkenchiz" is some sort of tribal delicacy brought over from the dark continent.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:39 pm

"Jerry Falwell already in such a place, his vile throat constantly pounded by the razor-wire thousand-headed six-foot-long nuclear phallus of the Devil?"

Well, to be strictly accurate, the Devil ass rapes Falwell first, *then* pulls out and immediately mouth rapes him.

datateday November 23, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Herman Cain is so angry he can't speak upon reading this. 'Macaroni are supposed to keep the cheese from being eaten – this pact isn't rescinded on the day of Thanksgiving!!!'

smashaduck November 23, 2011 at 11:43 pm

If mac and cheese were a black thing I'd have so much more street cred.

KeepFnThatChicken November 24, 2011 at 12:13 am

I'd say, Pat, the reason you don't understand blackness is because you're not black.

Or poor. Suffice it to say that this spells out how little he has reached out in his ministry to poverty-stricken folk, else this goddamn moneymonger would have fucking noticed that Thanksgiving dinner may occasionally consist ONLY of macaroni and cheese.

I HATE HIM SO MUCHES.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 12:15 am

There is apparently a welfare dish known as “macaroni and cheese,” and oh my the blacks simply love this concoction, whatever it is.

I'm laughing so hard. The woman is so earnestly trying to make this easy for Pat, and he keeps on making it worse, bless his heart.

But, seriously, white people don't have macaroni on Thanksgiving? I haz a confused. I also haz another confused. Pat's from Virginia, right? That place is full of black folks, black folks that historically cooked for his family. Down South, there isn't "black" and "white" food; they just call it "food" down there, or so I thought until I heard this ancient open up his crusted mouth.

miss_grundy November 24, 2011 at 12:25 am

Actually at the Neely's restaurant in NYC, they make Mac N Cheese for Thanksgiving during a segment of Inside Edition. I'm sure there will be a white family tomorrow that will have some version of Mac N Cheese at the table. Will that make them African-American?

At my house when I was a child, we had turkey, Cuban black beans with white rice, yuca with mojo sauce. Oooops, I guess that makes me un-Amurrican.

Viejo comemierda, porque no te mueres ya!

crybabyboehner November 24, 2011 at 10:13 am

Needs moar William Burroughs

sbj1964 November 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I Liked Obama during the last campaign when he grabbed his chest after winning his first primary,like Fred Sanford and said " I'm coming to meet you Weezee! That's when I knew, I as a white man was blacker than Obama. Weezee was George Jefferson wife.

ttommyunger November 24, 2011 at 8:21 pm

You had me at: "Pat Robertson Mystified."

sbj1964 November 25, 2011 at 12:43 am

Pat Robertson, is like that old Racist white man that can get away with saying stupid crap,and black people won't even call him on it. We all know a guy just like him."Is that a black thing"? She should have around the world finger snapped him, thrown up her palm,and said Don't go there girl !

dopper0189 November 25, 2011 at 3:17 am

It's not like he had an opportunity to meet any African Americans he lives in Virginia, I mean it's not like it has one of the highest percentages of black people or anything. It's too bad he didn't grow up in Vermont there are plenty more black people there than in Virginia!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Sis?

Srsly, I've always posited that the motherfuckers didn't go abroad to colonialize, they went abroad because the food at home was so horrible. Then they just stayed, and stayed, and stayed until we had to send them home with recipes.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Shh, don't tell the fundiecons, they think they got 'em a foolproof Muslin-test. Wait till they find out that at least half the Muslims here on student visas only applied because they were sick and tired of not having any BACON!!! (and ham, but I digress.)

horsedreamer_1 November 23, 2011 at 7:05 pm

That's the new question for any black candidate who may be less than American: Cassius or Sammy? (Black Jew, prolly loyal; black Muslin, traitor.)

emmelemm November 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Will no one think of the Seventh Day Adventists??

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:15 pm

No. Not really. I mean, it's not as if even Seventh Day Adventists really think of eavch other that much themselves, y'know.

Millennial Malaise November 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Nice catch! I was raised seventh day adventist until I learned that even reasonable-ish Christians are still too weird for my taste. Now i eat bacon with impunity.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Liver curry. In fact, Goanese sorpatel, which is liver and pork curry and hot enough to burn your ass off at fifty paces.

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I liked tongue. A good tongue and mustard sammich on jewish rye. Yum. I was stunned when I grew up that no one else seeemed to have ever tried it, much less liked it.

Chet Kincaid November 23, 2011 at 4:42 pm

As a kid, Liver Day would throw me into a pouty funk. I ate it anyway, goddamnit.

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Me too. Maybe I had an iron deficiency or something but I couldn't get enough fried liver and onions when I was a kid an in my teens. Now the very thought of it turns my stomach. Very strange how tastes can pivot like that.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm

One of these days, my precious, I shall whip up a startingly delicious liver curry for you, and accept a kiss in payment.

user-of-owls November 23, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Actually, they were trying to discover El Dientado, aka The Kingdom of the Dentists.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

What does a ginger-haired Irisher know about Los Dientados, dood?

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I have never et it but always tell myself I should. So, with mustard on rye, izzit? It goes on the list. There's a kosher deli in town I haven't been too for donkey's years. Maybe I'll nip in there and give it a try.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:03 pm

The whole family has some bizarre iron deficiency thingy, which leads us all to love on high-iron foods something frightening. You never saw such a liver-and-spinach-eating household.

user-of-owls November 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Ha! I'm a mick with perfect teeth. Must have gotten 'em from my polack side.

Also, you call me a ginger again and I'll up and bite you with my perfect teeth.

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I applaud your adventourous spirit. Please report back.

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I knew a guy who had been a top flight long-distance nordic skiier in Finland. Where, as you no doubt know, they take their nordic skiing with deadly seriousness. His only weakness, he told me, was his hemoglobin levels – not iron deficient or anything, but high-level nordic skiiers need to have oxygen-carrying capacity that stands to normal as Shaq stands to normal height. So he would go to the butcher every day and purchase a bag of livestock blood. (Used to make blood pudding, etc.) And he would drink the whole thing.

I'm sure you're all glad I told you this.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Right. Ok.

Lovely weather we're having!

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Oh god I'm not gonna regret this, am I, my darling Gem? Please say no.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Zing.

I crawl away, defeated.

PalinzADummy November 23, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I'm sure everyone *else* is totally grossed, but I come from a culture where you pretty much try to eat everything before it eats you first. And you, being Canadian and all, undoubtedly grew up with blood pudding? Butchers make blood cakes that people cook with and I tend to pour blood into my cooking pots, if there's any (that isn't mine, of course).

Although I wonder how he actually drank it, given that blood IS an emetic — ingest enough and you'll barf it out like a rainbow spray. Maybe he mixed it into his soup, or something.

tessiee November 23, 2011 at 9:08 pm

"he would go to the butcher every day and purchase a bag of livestock blood. (Used to make blood pudding, etc.) And he would drink the whole thing."

Also, he really hated garlic, didn't cast a reflection, and was afraid of crosses — but those are all common among skiiers, right?

paris biltong November 24, 2011 at 9:19 am

As a member of the Finnish diaspora, I can confirm that we ate blood pancakes (veriohukaiset) and sausage (mustamakkara) when I was growing up there, although my mainly Swedish-speaking family referred to them respectively as "blodplättar" and "boudin noir" (because we were highly sophisticated). I still buy an occasional boudin from the local West Indians at my local outdoor market.

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Oh, Bubbelah, come here and let me make it better.

Geminisunmars November 23, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Your only regret will be on your deathbed if you don't try it.

user-of-owls November 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm

*CHOMP!*

Oops, sorry. My bad.

Chichikovovich November 23, 2011 at 6:11 pm

He didn't give me the details, but when I reacted to his story with predictable horror, he assured me that he didn't try to drink it straight, or all at once.

But blood pudding wasn't something people did up around where I was.

anniegetyerfun November 23, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Thank you! It's in my blood.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:48 am

Awww! (snuggles in)

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:49 am

Dood! The other turkey!

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:51 am

You're horrified too? I guess I'm weirder than even I thought I was.

Turns out it's human blood that acts as an emetic; apparently, we lack the enzymes required to break down our own blood. Interesting. I did not know this. Not that I'm planning to use it any time soon, or anything. I mean, you're perfectly safe around me.

Have I said too much?

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 2:56 am

Now I want to add you to the duck stock simmering on my stove.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:13 am

OK. I'm always getting myself into things I'll regret, not that it stops me from doing them. I ate sushi on a dare, the first time, and now I can't pass a month without a slab or two and those little eggy icky things and the bizarre but delightfully flavoured sea urchin gonads (if I'd known that's what it was, I would NEVER have developed a taste for it! ) and the fried crispy shrimp heads, and stuff.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:23 am

Angle brackets lowercase i slash lowercase i.

There's a pretty good HTML ref online that I keep bookmarked just because I can't remember all the codes. Enjoy: http://www.ascii.cl/htmlcodes.htm

Chichikovovich November 24, 2011 at 9:57 am

Ah, and since I'm in the neighborhood (not that I expect you're dying to learn this or anything but hey, knowledge is better than its opposite) there are a couple of possibilities for a French analogue for "gaminess" – since in English "gamey" has two meanings – both "having a pronounced taste of game (wild pheasant, venison, etc.)" and "pungent, tending to rotten, smell and taste". Which choice you make depends on whether you want to preserve this ambiguity. If you are just going for the first meaning:

The more common (at least in my experience) French for "(small) game" is "(le) gibier", so to invent an adjective for "gamy" from that you might go for "gibieux", and for "gaminess", maybe "gibieturre" or "gibieté" [apart from "gibier" these aren't words you'd find in a dictionary or hear in actual conversation - they have the status of (say) "shortstopishness" if I was inventing a word for the property of having the skills of a good shortstop].

If you want both the sense of "taste and smell of wild game" and the "pungent – getting rotten" sense you'd use ["real" word:] "faisandé" (derivative from (le) faisan = "(the) pheasant ") for "gamey", since it also can be used to mean rotten, and invent something like "faisanditure" or "faisandité" for "gaminess". (If you want something really strong for "rotten/rottenness" you'd use "pourri/pourriture", but that doesn't have any alternative sense pertaining to wild game.)

So there you go. Not the most exciting or life-changing information in the world, but it's 100% real knowledge right there. You're now one small step farther away from being a Republican.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 3:25 am

I don't think so. I shall look for some immediately.

(It's sad but true — like my compatriots, I'll eat anything that doesn't try to eat me first, and sometimes even some of those.)

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 9:59 am

Thank you!

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 10:10 am

Tease!

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 10:42 am

Do you solve crimes as well? This sounds like the kind of dialog going on in Robert Downey Jr.'s head before he busts a pugilist's eardrums to discombobulate him.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Which kind of makes me wonder from whence we derived "potpourri," not that anyone's asking.

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 10:54 am

The whole New World cavalcade of tumbled and recombined cultural influences is fascinating, when it's not tragic. I've always found it amusing that Cajuns are exiled French Canadians. And as a traditional/world music enthusiast, I find the Yoruba diaspora in the New World intriguing. In Cuba and Brazil, the songs associated with Santeria and Candomble preserve melodies and language from Nigerian Yoruba culture in the 1600s. The melodies are wonderful, and they are recognizable and ubiquitous in both traditional and Afro-Cuban popular music contexts, so it's sort of like standard hymns in Church.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 7:48 pm

The best fusion food comes from Asian chefs adopting some of the culinary touches of the West, but your point is taken. A lot of what is "fashionable" in the culinary world today is "poor-people-food." Like lox, for example, which used to mostly be salmon belly trimmings left over after rich people ate the good, "steak" part, and bagels, which are just boiled dough for those who couldn't afford ovens or fat for the proper cooking of bread and cake; or bouillabaise, which used to be what fisherfolk made from leftover catch they couldn't sell. Oysters were once only eaten by the poor, but are now a luxury of the wealthy, much like lobsters and mudbugs. But I do note that the recipes for tourtiere include ground spices, and that people of my partners' parents' generation think that pepper is all the spice a meal needs (usually, it's pepper that's been sitting outside so long, it smells more like sawdust and pine needles, too).

Of course, when they start making poutine with duck fat, that's just going too far.

Chichikovovich November 24, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I've never tried to do crime solving, but if I did I think it would be less Sherlock Holmes and more Deputy Dawg. DD actually had a very rich inner life. And he wasn't from Mississippi – he was actually a black policeman from Jamaica. They put him in a cowboy hat with the starred badge for the cartoons, dyed his fur white and dubbed in the southern accent so as to avoid alienating southern viewers. He was always bitter about how the cartoons portrayed him. That's probably what led to the infamous drunken dressing room fight with Quick-draw Mcgraw.

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

They pursued Speedy Gonzales all the way from the streets of Laredo to the Dakota territory, where DD died in a gun battle with the Beagle Boys. In his grief, Quickdraw dragged the body behind himself all the way to Buena Vista, California, where his passing was mourned by his two great loves, Hanna and Barbera.

Chichikovovich November 24, 2011 at 12:57 pm

In Canadian French you see a lot of Scottish influence, in part because Scots soldiers made up a large part of the early occupying force after the fall of Québec, and in part because subsequently there was a significant Scottish (and Irish) immigration. Which led to amusing things like that one of the most hard-core separatists in the first PQ Québec was a totally French Canadian guy named Robert Burns. (PQ (Parti Québecois) is the separatist party – though also the social democratic party at the provincial level, so not all their supporters are separatists.) You hear this in French Canadian traditional folk music, which has fiddle sounds more characteristic of Scottish reels than French French folk music.

The differences in French and Canadian French reflect a lot of differences in the societies. (Canadian French is often wrongly called "Québecois" but that's a bit misleading, since Acadian is a distinct Canadian French dialect and Franco-Ontarian, though closer to Québecois, is also recognizably different in its accent and some of its vocabulary. French Canadians outside Québec can sometimes get
a little touchy about the common equation of "Québecois" and "French Canadian".) Canadian French retains a lot of archaic language from the seventeenth century that has vanished in France itself. Also the base for Canadian French was never high society French but rather provincial language of coastal fishermen and farmers. (There is a story – I don't know for sure if it is true, but it is plausible – that after D-Day, the townspeople in Normandy were astonished at how much the French-speaking soldiers of the Régiment de la Chaudière sounded like rural Normans rather than city French people.)

You can see a sign of the nautical influence, and the importance of the St. Lawrence to transportation in the early days in the words for getting in and getting out of cars. In French French, you use "monter/démonter", which are also the words you would use for getting on and getting off of a horse. In Canadian French, you use "embarquer/débarquer", which are the words you would use for getting in and off of a boat. There are some Native Canadian influences on words – for example – "mosquito" ("moustique" in France, "maringouin" in Canada, though "moustique" is also used) and "moose" ("orignal" – a word that is now used in France as well.) As you learned earlier, the curse words are almost all related in some way to the Catholic Church in Canada, reflecting a conservative religious society (until the 1950s when things really changed) for which the events of the French Revolution might as well have been on a different planet. And of course a lot of Anglo influence – not just nouns ("mon chum" being one I use all the time) but even verbs ("watcher = to watch", and "switcher-on" are two of the most striking). And of course there are class differences that show themselves even in the degree of anglicisation. One example: working class kids and adults play hockey with "le puck"; schoolteachers and TV announcers speak more properly of "la rondelle".

In short – yes, it is very complicated indeed.

Tabarnak the Lions game is already on. Faut y aller

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Now you have me wondering if you ever read Agotime or Wole Soyinka on the Yoruba roots of Haitian religion and music.

hunnybee November 28, 2011 at 11:14 am

this is why i look for your posts Chet Kincaid. i take a little wisdom and knowledge from you and the gang and make it my own, thank you.

Millennial Malaise November 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I know I stopped thinking about them until emmelemm brought it up.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Yes! Flow tennis sounds like a much more civilized way to play tennis.

I lost last night's game by 20 points because I was playing with a competitive little worm who can't stand to not close up the board. We'll see if he gets a Thanksgiving dinner invite NEXT year.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Always pleased to be of service!

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Fascinating. Especially about the Scots fiddle in the music of yon northern lands.

You wouldn't happen to be a fan of Incredible String Band, by any chance, would you? Or Amazing Blondel?

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm

(Smooths back hair, picks imaginary fluff off vest) My middle name, darlz. My middle name.

Chet Kincaid November 24, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I haven't, but I've read "Flash Of The Spirit" by Robert Farris Thompson, and have enough stuff in my African, Carribean and Brazilian CD drawers to have the Yoruba diaspora covered, including Haiti.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 10:23 pm

I know very little about African history although I have always loved the music (from early childhood — my parents had eclectic tastes). I shall put this book on my list (which is now at 293 books, so I think I'll be reading till they lower me into my grave, which is fine by me).

I only beg that you will share with me the titles of the contents of your CD drawers, so that I too can enjoy this music which I am currently envying with a burning heart.

PalinzADummy November 24, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Music and religion: Do you like Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan? Or qawwali music, in any way shape et cetera?

not that Dewey November 25, 2011 at 12:07 am

Alright, you got me. I'm totally sold on Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.

Considered one of the greatest singers ever recorded, he possessed a six-octave vocal range and could perform at a high level of intensity for several hours.

And now that you've got me addicted (I had never heard of this before), don't miss the Brooklyn Qawwali Party, a 13-piece ensemble that does jazz versions of Nusrat songs.

Chet Kincaid November 25, 2011 at 10:20 am

Oh yes!! I've got a bunch of his CDs, and saw him once, maybe twice, in the '90s. Incredible melodies, and I love that fat-bottomed, funky Pakistani approach to the tablas.

PalinzADummy November 25, 2011 at 3:50 am

If you can't dance when that fat man sings, you got no dance in your soul. That's some spiritual music.

Chet Kincaid November 25, 2011 at 10:55 am

It's a deal! When I have a chance, I'll gather up some CD titles and post them OT in a thread that's not 1,000 comments long.

PalinzADummy November 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

What a happy marriage of classical Hindustani, Punjabi village/folk style melodies, and jazz! Last time I saw him live, I took a girlfriend who's from the deep South (but living in LA these past decades) and a huge gospel music fan, and damn if she didn't jump up and start shaking her ass right along with all the crazed Pakistanis in the audience!

PalinzADummy November 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

(Hugs Teh Chet fervently)

You ARE a pal! I shall look forward to a whole new glorious explosion of African music!

My swine of a Ugandan friend (who is currently in Kenya, teaching) brags to me all the time about how he spends his evenings DJing, now that his daughters are grown (SIX daughters! SIX!) but when I ask him to help me get my hands on some of that sweet hot music, he's The Invisible Man.

I shall be forever in your debt. This is what I call a SCORE!

snarkycomments November 25, 2011 at 3:12 pm

I eat it with fried eggs.

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