liveblogging the turkeys

Liveblogging the GOP Dingbats Debating This Mysterious World

We're so thankful this thing will be over in an hour or so.It’s time for the least-informed people in America to debate the whole world, or something! Welcome, happy thanksgiving! We finally have the CNN livefeed working, and now it’s time to painstakingly document the Brutal Idiocy we are about to be subjected to, for America.

8:10 PM — Did they really waste 12 minutes of this debate with intros and commercials and candidate statements? Well done, CNN! We have already been spared a full 12 minutes of dingbat nonsense.
8:11 PM — Mitt Romney wants us to know that Mitt Romney is “also my first name.” Noted.
8:14 PM — Michele Bachmann gasps/farts when Ron Paul says he’s against the Patriot Act. Doesn’t Ron Paul know that Michele Bachmann’s parents were in the Navy or whatever?
8:16 PM — One of these debates, they’re just going to pepper spray Ron Paul for all his talk of “liberty” and “Bill of Rights.”
8:17 PM — Newt Gingrich is going to use the Patriot Act on Timothy McVeigh. That will show Ron Paul! (Are they doing the alternate history game again?)
8:17 PM — Who will applaud wife beating and child abuse in the home? Ron Paul just confused the hell out of these people … a few clap, confused.
8:18 PM — Michele Bachmann, do you agree with the opposing views of Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul? “I agree with the American people. Technology is totally different.”
8:19 PM — Also, uhh … Barack Obama has given the CIA to the ACLU? “We don’t read them their rights.”
8:19 PM — Now Jon Huntsman is going to be all “sane” and “I lived overseas.” Whatever, Barack Obama Jr.!
8:20 PM — “I see Tom Ridge here, a great former secretary of Homeland Security.” HAHAHAHAH.
8:21 PM — Huntsman notes that “America has a brand name around the world.” Sure does! In Egypt right now, they’re using it to validate the vicious police and army action against tens of thousands of peaceful protesters.
8:21 PM — Mitt’s serious, empty voice immediately makes all people sleep. He says word, such as “crime,” and “war,” and “terror,” and “war,” and “tools,” and “war,” and “property.” Mostly “property.” Then he reads some laws, out loud, as bedtime stories for Earth.
8:22 PM — Mitt Romney just took a full minute to say … nothing?
8:22 PM — Rick Perry knows what to do about terrorism: “I would privatize the TSA and get rid of those unions.”
8:23 PM — It’s going to be fun to watch all these motherfuckers hanged.
8:24 PM — Who will Rick Santorum personally torture? “I think Muslims will be someone we’ll look at.”
8:25 PM — Ron Paul: “What if they look like Timothy McVeigh?” Tim McVeigh is cool again!
8:26 PM — Oh boy, now Doktor Paul is talking about how the U.S. is now assassinating American citizens around the world. Quick, Wolf-face, toss it to Herman Cain so we can get some weird nonsense to change the subject.
8:26 PM — Herman Cain will privatize the Patriot Act. But do not throw out the baby with the bathwater! The terrorists, who don’t exist, are going to KILL ALL OF US. Herman Cain will KILL THEM FIRST … or identify them.
8:27 PM — Oh my, “No Blitz …” then he talks a while, and says, “Sorry Blitz, Wolf.” Good god this is like having Homestar Runner at a presidential debate.
8:28 PM — The witch scarecrow cackles, Wolf makes a funny. (He did not.)
8:29 PM — “It’s a haven for bad behavior.” Jon Huntsman, apparently talking about Afghanistan.
8:30 PM — Nothing is quite as funny/terrifying as hearing Wolf “Blitz” say, “Congressman Bachmann, you are a member of the foreign intelligence committee.”
8:31 PM — Bachmann catches herself jabbering about some totally different subject, and replies to her other personality, “No, this is a dual answer.” She just interrupted herself to tell herself that she was giving a “dual answer” by talking about a different country.
8:32 PM — The split screen of Perry and Bachmann is horrifying. She looks like she is watching, in her mind, zombies crawl out of the corpse of a zebra who just ate Jesus.
8:33 PM — Haha, Michele is calling Rick Perry “naive.” This is like toddlers arguing over a clump of mud.
8:34 PM — Rick Perry thinks he can solve the Pakistan-Afghanistan septic tank with a “trade zone.”
8:35 PM — Asked about America spending TWO BILLION DOLLARS A WEEK on the failed occupation of Afghanistan, Mitt Romney …. snore, sorry, we fell asleep again. Now we’re back? Mitt Romney is talking about “Indonesia.” Does he mean Vietnam?
8:36 PM — Jon Huntsman is trying to be “honest” and have a “smart conversation” and wants to be rational, etc. Wrong party, Jon!
8:37 PM — Mitt Romney trying to channel … Reagan? Somebody he saw on CSI? … starts barking like the assistant principal at Huntsman. Huntsman’s all, “Did you hear what I said?”
8:38 PM — Mitt Romney’s reasons to stay in Afghanistan is that we’ve been there for a long time, and spent a lot of money there. Excellent reasoning, Mittens.
8:39 PM — Huntsman reminds Romney that the president is the commander in chief, not some general somewhere (many of which have been fired, in Afghanistan, by the commander in chief). Romney is such an empty suit, he redefines that entire cliche.
8:39 PM — Oh dear Allah, did Romney really say “cut and run”? He did, he did.
8:40 PM — Whining feedbag baby Newt Gingrich is whining about how nobody will let him talk, now he’s whining about people not debating what Newtie wants to debate, and now he’s bitching and whining about whether or not his answer is 30 seconds or not. He is a petulant little bitch.
8:43 PM — Fetus-fetishist Rick Santorum wants us to know the terrorist-Muslims in his mind will NEVER GIVE UP, and they will never die, for they are Immortal, like Jesusween, and that’s why we can never have “timelines” or “end wars” because the Immortals will be Waiting, Waiting, forever, forever, to … blow some shit up in Iraq and Afghanistan, like they do all the time. COMMERCIAL BREAK NOW WE ARE OPENING A BOTTLE OF WINE DAMMIT WE WERE NOT GOING TO DRINK TONIGHT/THIS WEEK BUT GAH!
8:48 PM — Nobody in this audience wants to ask anyone a question. Nobody. Intolerable silence, dead air.
8:48 PM — Finally, a Heritage Foundation clown — Heritage is hosting this debate — gets his important question which is the only foreign policy question ever asked by the Heritage Foundation: “When Israel attacks Iran ….”
8:49 PM — Herman Cain is not sure if he would support it, because there are mountains in Iran.
8:49 PM — Ron Paul isn’t going to do it, and not just because he wants Israel’s military to go fuck itself. He is against it because MOSSAD told him they aren’t going to do such a thing, because they think it is dumb. Ron Paul doesn’t want any part of it, let them bomb what they want, let them “suffer the consequences.” Ron Paul says it’s none of his business, Israel has 200 or 300 nuclear missiles, don’t send our kids to Israel!” (What about our Young Jews who like to visit Israel, Ron?)
8:51 PM — Big cheers from the Paultards, wearing their V masks.
8:51 PM — Herman Cain would like to re-state that he has learned there are mountains somewhere in Iran.
8:54 PM — Rick Perry pronounces it “shanctions.” That’s his “squirmish.”
8:55 PM — Michele Bachmann suddenly is for “energy independence,” even though she (and the whole GOP) has done very little lately but bitch about renewable-energy companies getting the usual Washington corporate welfare.
8:56 PM — Why hasn’t Barack Obama nuked Iran? “He changed the course of history.” Uhm.
8:57 PM — Paul Wolfowitz! #OWS should march in right now and duct-tape this motherfucker to a post, take it outside and douse him with pepper spray. (And then do the same to everyone else in this auditorium, on stage and in the audience.)
8:59 PM — Wolf Blitzer is now slowly repeating the questions to Herman Cain, because Herman Cain never has any fucking clue what the question is. This is like having your senile Grandpa at the Thanksgiving Table keep answering any conversational topic with a story about when he visited the 1902 World’s Fair.
9:00 PM — Mitt Romney, finally getting a chance to talk about the military budget, brings up his own invention, “Obamacare.”
9:01 PM — Haha, Ron Paul: “Well, they’re not cutting anything out of anything, believe me. There’s nothing cut from the military. The people on the Hill are hysterical because the budget isn’t going up as fast as they expect it to.” Cheers from the Paultards. Mittens recites some numbers from his robot chip, says “the list goes on,” immediate silence as everyone falls asleep again.
9:03 PM — Mitt has lost everyone, and finally realizes it, so he throws out the old, “And when I’m president, I’m going straight to Israel.” It’s the wingnut version of “I’m going to Disneyland.”
9:06 PM — Oh boy, here comes Professor Huntsman with his “facts” and “trust” and “figures” and all that. Jon, you have been reasonable enough that the #OWS ReLOVEution maybe won’t hang you by your feet, naked, and douse you with pepper spray for fifty weeks. (This will be the fate of everyone else here.)
9:08 PM — “Blitz” kindly lets Doofus Perry have a go at some utterly confusing budget point. Perry: “I don’t think it is any surprise that a super committee failed. It was a super failure.” GOD, FUCK YOU, YOU ARE SO DUMB YOU MAKE REPUBLICANS LOOK SEMI-SMART.
9:10 PM — Uhm, why is Rick Perry talking about Leon Panetta?
9:11 PM — Haha, when Wolf “Blitz” was covering Reagan, your editor was editing Wolf Blitzer’s poorly typed dispatches which he self-syndicated to various Jewish papers, including the San Diego Jewish Times, where your current editor was once the copy editor. True!
9:12 PM — Rick Santorum “compromised on some child care,” which would seem to be a pretty big sin to Rick Santorum. “Blitz” cuts him off, says “Let’s stay on the question.”
9:13 PM — Nothing makes your Editor happier than knowing this whole corrupt nation is going to be broken down, taken apart, and handed back to the people who live here.
9:14 PM — What’s up, fat whining candy baby piglet? Newt is America’s worst public figure, and that is saying A LOT.
9:15 PM — Michele is going to “draw a line in the sand,” and she wants us to “consider the context,” and now she is reciting debt figures, and adding other potential debt figures, and … could we please get a Thank You to George W. Bush for all this? Have you people all forgotten George W. Bush, America’s favorite most-recent Republican two-term president? Michele, you used to lust for Bush Junior. Your loins ached for him. Look:

Stick that thing all the way in.

'Oh Mister President, I got some Death Fangs all for you now.'

9:19 PM — Wolf Blitzer notes that Egypt is having a Second Revolution, although he leaves out the part about how the MILITARY is smashing skulls because they think it’s “all right” because that’s what American Cops are doing to the peaceful American protesters. More wine, Please?
9:23 PM — Everyone, please twat some reasonable-sounding/totally insane question for the candidates by using this Twitter “hash tag,” #CNNPostgame
9:24 PM — Rick Perry is going to stop drugs by … uh, Hugo Chavez, Hezbollah, Iran, Mexico, Paramount, etc. Dipshit.
9:25 PM — Rick Perry is going to make sure the Texas-Mexico border is “shut down” when he is president. Isn’t he governor of Texas right now?
9:26 PM — YES, Ron Paul says we can have our marijuana that grows like a weed all over America. PRESCRIPTION DRUGS kill so many people, BOOZE is a health-wrecking demon, oh dear god Ron Paul is completely, totally right.
9:27 PM — Herman Cain will now jabber some random nonsense about … eh, who knows.
9:28 PM — “Let’s solve the whole problem,” says Herman Cain. Hard to argue ….
9:29 PM — Some AEI dork is going to ask a fancy question, about letting people with “the education” come to America so we can build a Better Facebook, to kill everyone’s soul.
9:33 PM — Michele Bachmann is now invoking Steve Jobs. Does she know he was a SECRET ARAB?
9:35 PM — Bachmann’s second handful of pills is kicking in now … Newt will let anyone do ANYTHING as long as they’re part of the church he recently joined, with his third mistress.
9:35 PM — It’s way past Mittens’ bedtime, but he’s ready to staple green cards to report cards, if that’s the hard work he has to do. “This is a party,” he says. “This is a party.” No-one knows what he means. Mitt has never partied.
9:37 PM — Mitt is ready to bring all the people to America, if they have the educations, so we can “compete globally.” Newt, however, will deport you if you are not part of his Whore Church (Tiffany).
9:40 PM — Elderly crowd now fully asleep, livebloggers near death, not even Wine & Marijuana & Irish Breakfast Tea can save us now.
9:45 PM — Some neocon with a shitty beard is talking about Syria. Wolf Blitzer immediately says, “Herman Cain, you may not know this …..”
9:47 PM — Haha, now the “Arab Spring” is a bad thing, according to Republican Primary Voters, because oh boy, people are trying to take their lives back from the military-corporate state, and now even Jon Huntsman, the closest thing to a non-idiot in this auditorium, is rattling off nonsense about the Ottoman Empire, Israel, whatever, shut up.
9:49 PM — Wooden power-suit Conservative Think Tank Youth Gal with her hair pulled back so hard it makes her eyes into giant pools of fearmongering foolishness, she has a question. It is about … Israel, Al Qaeda, something. She has never enjoyed a true orgasm.
9:51 PM — Uncle Ron Paul getting tired, weird. “Why don’t we mind our own business?” Agreed, fine, whatever.
9:52 PM — Mitt Romney does NOT believe that “we have people around the world with common interests.” IN fact, Romney believes Jesus lived here in America, with the Indians. And then the Europeans killed all the Indians.
9:52 PM — Blitz: “Just to be clear, what the fuck are you talking about you tube of Brylcreem?”
9:53 PM — Mitt knows that tanks are not aircraft.
9:53 PM — Rick Perry is not sure if tanks are aircraft, but we should be “serious about saving Israel, right now.”
9:54 PM — Last Question, from some AEI factotum: What secret unmentioned thing is going to DESTROY YOU ALL? They don’t take the bait. They don’t know. They can’t see. It’s coming. It is coming for them. They are Yesterday’s Meat.
9:56 PM — Rick Perry thinks China is communist. God he is so dumb, his children must shit in his shoes each day just to watch him not know he’s sticking his feet into shit again.
9:57 PM — Herman Cain wants to talk about computer games.
9:57 PM — Sad sack candy-pants diaper adulterer Newt Gingrich has an Eeyore list of computer things he is not worried about, based on the DEAD TONE OF HIS VOICE.
9:58 PM — Michele Bachmann is … eh, a fucking idiot. PUT HER IN THE LANDFILL, let’s stop listening to these jabbering fools and dangerous kleptocrats. PUT THEM IN THE FOREVER DUNGEON, take back your lives, stop following politics, let us MAKE politics, okay, good night, time for your editor on the West Coast to finish dinner for his Hungry Children, fuck the GOP, death to America, may America rise up and become a Land of the Free, the end.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SarahsBush

    I'm already sick of Wolf Blitzer.

    • GhostBuggy

      "The goverrrrnerrrrr of Texxxxassss, Rrrrrrick Perrrry!" What the fuck was up with that?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        They shoulda got that "Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuummmmmmmmble" guy.

        • Dok-cupy Everything

          The box is locked, the lights are on, it's robot fightin' time!

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      Dullest motherfucker in the room (after Mittens, of course).

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And Pawlenty. What, he's out of it? Who knew?

        • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

          Who? (though he apparently made a comeback in the Blingee above)

    • OccupytheDashboard

      The minute I heard the name "Wolf Blitzer" I thought it was a joke. The next minute I was tired of him.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Who here remembers the term "Scud Stud"?

        • OccupytheDashboard

          1. First hearing – "Is this a joke?"
          2. Second hearing – "I am so done with the fool"
          3. Third hearing – "Scud stud"? I just threw up in my mouth.

          • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

            Yes, and I knew the guy's name without having to even use the Google machine.

        • undeterredbyreality

          Yup. Wasn't that Iraq War I? Before (or at the inception of) 24 hour "news" coverage (when there was actually news being covered)?

        • Nothingisamiss

          Wolfie wasn't the scud stud, though. (Don't remember who was. Will not google.)

          • Callyson

            I made the mistake of Googling that one. Not so hot–America must have been desperate back then.

        • Geminisunmars

          Ah, dreamy Arthur Kent. Wouldn't you know he is Canadian. And not afraid to take on the big boys (having sued NBC and some others). I was so disappointed when Iraq War II wasn't hosted by him.

          • Pat_Pending

            I'd prefer Arthur Dent.

      • Pat_Pending

        ya know who I really miss? Flip Spiceland.

    • Biff

      I wish I knew what office he was running for so I could vote against him.

    • Callyson

      His vocal inflections when introducing the clowns are awful. Did not think it was possible, but he is getting even worse than usual…

    • Callyson

      Also–ten minutes in and he is *still* doing all the talking? Shut up, Wolfie!

    • DaRooster

      I was sick of him in 91.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Jesus, I was sick of that manicured beard-hanger the first time I heard his wispy voice issue from a mouthhole lost in a sea of gray facefuzz.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Newt: The Patriot Act was a good start, but brown people are still entirely too free to move around the country.

  • valgal2342

    Frick the Rep whack-a-doodle-debate…..college basketball is on!
    Turkey Blingee is great though….

    • Master Janitor V572

      + One for the fine, fine Blingee.

      The more he talks, the less likable Huntsville becomes.

  • riffin1

    Willard started by not knowing his first name.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    DRINK!

    And FUCK the SPYING ON AMERICANS WITH NO WARRANT Act.
    ~

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Bloody hell, another debate? My husband's head is ready to explode 3 minutes into this charade

  • nounverb911

    Hi I'm Rick Santorum, I can't follow simple instructions and I'm a real frothy dude.

  • comrad_darkness

    Are they twice as stupid this election round or is my tolerance half?

    • teatarded2012

      your tolerance is definitely half but they are indeed twice as stupid also, too.

      • not that Dewey

        Thus making it 4x as annoying.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is my first liveblog Repub debate. I don't know if I want to do this.

    • Master Janitor V572

      We'll go easy on you, Baldar.

    • Limeylizzie

      We'll be here for you, baby.

    • Barb

      Run Forrest! RUN!

    • user-of-owls

      You always remember your first.

      You poor bastard.

    • Pragmatist2

      Here's a hint — you don't.

    • rickmaci

      I'm pretty sure you will want to shower in scalding water for about an hour when this is over.

      • flamingpdog

        I'm pretty sure you will want to shower in scalding pepper spray for an hour when this is over. I t could only be an improvement.

    • ThundercatHo

      Have some wine coolers.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Too slow. Straight to the 151.

    • orygoon

      It's the only way to do this.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm here with the lube! What, did I miss it?

      Goddamn.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I don"t think I can bare to watch this tonight. That Don Young video already filled my stupid quota for the day.

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Libunatic

    Needz moar Tiffany revolving charge accountz.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Timothy McVeigh came from my hometown. I guess I must be a suspect.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Went to my junior high too

      • OneDollarJuana

        You're posting to Wonkette, that makes makes you a terrrist threat.

      • flamingpdog

        DId they rename your junior high after him?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What the fuck? They are all dissing the Patriot Act?

    • Franknflower

      It's Obama's Patriot Act, thank you very much.

  • nounverb911

    Show of hands, how many of you want to bomb the shit out of Iran the first chance you get?

    • user-of-owls

      Wait! I called that last thread! Stop! Thief!

    • flamingpdog

      I'm working on getting the shit bombed out of myself right now. Bottoms up! *looking around to make sure Marcus isn't nearby*

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Can't we compromise and just bomb the shit out of the midwest? And Texas?

  • BruceMcBruce

    But Mitt's first name is Willard!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    One-L:
    CIA can't interrogate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Master Janitor V572

      "Outsourced to ACLU." Big win! Untrue, but who gives a fuck!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Bachmann hurled herself into my consciousness on the strength of her unshakeable belief in nonsense, sitting on my TV insisting there were death panels in the big Obama binder she had never read. Her little mind is a discotheque for hobgoblins.

        • James Michael Curley

          Oh! There's a penguin on the Telly!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            A penguin believes in more things that are true than she does.

          • James Michael Curley

            My penguin was a little greasy this year. How was yours?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Unmagnified, your avatar could be a polar bear…do you like Coke in the bottle?

  • RadiosTyrone

    LET THE TURKEY FEST BEGIN!!1!

    • emmelemm

      Gobble gobble!

    • Nostrildamus

      Stick a fork in 'em.
      Then maybe a turkey baster.
      And then bring out the electric knife.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    No rights for you! I think you might be a terrorist!!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Huntsman cites Tom Ridge.

    • Callyson

      "We have a name brand in this world."
      I know, that wasn't Ridge, but all I can think of now is how Huntsman will protect our nation's trademark, I mean name…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Has Herman Cain announced his 999 foreign policy plan? Each company either gets $9 million in foreign aid, $9 million in sanctions, or will be bombed 9 times in the first year of his administration.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Bad people do not have rights.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Just guess who they are!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Oh Jon Huntsman, Please just say you agree with Ron Paul so it doesn't seem crazy

  • FrenchTwist40

    I don't know how long I can bear this. I already want to take heroin and cut myself just to make the hurting stop.

  • SarahsBush

    Wolf: "I'm gonna give everyone a chance to respond, but first, let me ask an unrelated question."

    • flamingpdog

      Damn, I glad it wasn't just me seeing that. I finally gave up on watching the debate after about the sixth time Volfie did that. Will someone please pull the Wolfman mask off and expose zombie Reagan?

      • SarahsBush

        Seriously! He even just said, "I have a lot more to ask, but first, let's take a break." And then we get back from commercial and he goes straight to a question from the audience.

        • DaRooster

          I guess there is Contact Stupid too…

  • undeterredbyreality

    Is that Pocahontas leaving a steaming pile for them in the Blingee there?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mitt looks extra slimey toight

    • Blueb4sunrise

      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Limeylizzie

      And Ricky looks extra frothy and fecally.

    • flamingpdog

      How are we going to low the price of gasoline if he takes all the tar sand oil and slathers it in his hair?

    • Callyson

      I want to know what products he uses on his hair…so I never make the mistake of trying them.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Mitt – hair looking extra greasy.

  • DrunkIrishman

    I'll sum it up:

    Romney: We find out he's really made of cardboard after a gust of wind knocks him over.

    Perry: He actually forgot to show up.

    Cain: Was sidetracked by some hot white ass in the audience.

    Gingrich: Someone mistook him for Barbara Bush.

    Paul: Starts calling the moderator his precious.

    Bachmann: She keeps referring to Libya as labia.

    Santorum: He does a magic show where he pulls a fetus out of his ass.

    Huntsman: Huntsman storms off the stage when the moderators keep calling him Mitt.

  • coolhandnuke

    I polished off 15 deviled eggs one Thanksgiving when I was eight. I projectile vomitted on my creepy uncle Dale. Watching this vomitfest makes me want to eat 50 eggs.
    And nobody can eat 50 eggs.

    • DrunkIrishman

      Let me guess, this was your uncle Dave…
      http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ebE2K-jyyhg/SWDeCke4aLI

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      OMG. I did something along those lines, but I think it was Easter and my Uncle's name shall be withheld to protect me from crazy family

    • BaldarTFlagass

      What a weird coincidence, that story and your boardname.

    • flamingpdog

      I didn't need even one egg to decorate my lap when Paul Wolfowitz showed up as a questioner. When the hell are the war crimes trials going to start?

  • AnAmericanInTO

    Why is it that every GOP debate is opposite the X Factor? Probably because it is its own series at this point. Hell, it's lasted longer than The Playboy Club.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dumbass, the TSA is not unionized.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh no. they put Perry and Mittens next to each other. Fist fight!

    • Callyson

      Love the catty look Mittens gave The Rickster at 0:22.

  • Nothingisamiss

    "There's a different body of law that relates to war…" Which should've cleared the khmer rouge when THEY waterboarded, but for some reason, no.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Perry: Yes, You may have heard. I AM a dumbass.
    ~

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    I think Mitt just promised martial law in U.S. because we're at perpetual war.

  • Master Janitor V572

    No, just Ron Pee.

  • Nothingisamiss

    I do enjoy the anti union talk. Please tell me that even the worst racist shithead union worker understands they can't vote repug.

    • gvvt

      sorry….

    • yyyaz

      I would, but I'd be lying.

    • Negropolis

      That was kind of amazing. It didn't have anything to do with anything they were talking about. It was such a gratuitous pander it's something they'd do on SNL. Yeah, the TSA is evil 'cause unions. Perry smash!

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Rick Perry is complaining about lack of intelligence. I don't think he's being ironic.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Dear TSA,

    Stop touching my boobs.

    Also, Ricky? TSA duties were privatized prior to (/11

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dog sex Profiling! Go Santo Claus!!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Private-sector security screeners at Logan did SO WELL on the morning of September 11…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Little Ricky: Santorum is coming all the way back!
    ~

  • OurHoboSenator

    Ugh, fuck you, Santorum.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ricky: Profile those most likely to commit crimes.
    Paul : Tim MCVeigh

  • SarahsBush

    Santorum's talking. Time to comment on Wonkette instead of listening.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Shouldn't someone point out to Santorum that there were no civil rights during the Civil War?

    • Master Janitor V572

      Lincoln suspended habeas corpus. It's allowed in the Constitimitution.

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        I totally stand corrected M. Janitor.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If we're at war, why do you still want to lower taxes?

    • gvvt

      so we can continue to do our patriotic shopping

    • bauserdotcom

      Because the terrorists hate us for our high taxes!

    • yyyaz

      To make the leetist libruls cry?

  • Master Janitor V572

    That's two sensible comments for Ron Paul. Need to drink moar.

    • Callyson

      After this debate, I'll bet Ron wants to join you for one or ten toasts…

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    They keep talking about the things we can and should do because we're "at war". I would agree if Congress would declare war. And of course, if we're at war we'll need to bring back the draft. Go ahead Congress — if you have the balls.

    • DustBowlBlues

      The very thing that made Newt so entertaining when he named a relative who had served. The Newster got married, then got his wife pregnant everytime selective service raised the number of children you had to have to avoid the draft.

      That's the real reason he divorced her, because he was aged out of the draft.

      BOMB IRAN!!!

  • Nothingisamiss

    It's hard to watch…Ron Paul is so right on the 20% he's right on….if only he wasn't crazy.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    HERM accuses Furry of oversimplifying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    "No Blitz" obleege

    (Nice comeback, Bitz)

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Cain says we should use every means at our disposal to kill as many terrorists as possible. Nuke 'em from space. It's the only way to be sure.

  • Nothingisamiss

    "No, Blitz" Then I'm gonna try to not answer this question…..oh, yeah, I'll ask "professionals."

  • Master Janitor V572

    Here comes neocon brown-bomber Fred Kagan w/the who-to-bomb-next question.

    WTF is up w/these celebrity questioners?

    • flamingpdog

      Jus' the po' man's version of Newt, one-L, and Hermie – every TeeVee appearance raises their speaker's fees.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Go easy, Blitz

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Is that Torture Freak Marc Thiessen next to Kagan?

    That greasy face looks disgustingly familiar.
    ~

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Drones? They can't possibly manage to kill all Pakistanis, so I don't think they're enough.

    • Master Janitor V572

      Nukes are the only way to get a low per-dead-Brown unit price.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Answer the question, HMan, would you increase the use of drones in Pakistan or not?

    • flamingpdog

      He's gotta ask the generals first – General Electric, General Dynamic …

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Random citizen Kagan. WTF?!?!?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    "Miche1e, you're a member of the Intelligence Committee…"

    8 of the scariest words in the English language.
    ~

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Is it petty to say that these podiums look better then the last ones?

    • Master Janitor V572

      If you like art Deco radiators, yes. And I do!

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        Yeah, but the last ones looked like metal tubing with a slab of lucite. creepy 1980s

  • Blueb4sunrise

    One-L : A nation that lies……..which?

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Michele is on the Intelligence Committee.

    And she chairs the Oxymoron Caucus.

    • Nothingisamiss

      ++++++

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Too.. many… stupid… people… at… one… time. It's making my inner ear all fucked up and I'm nauseous. I think I'm gonna pretend this a West Coast ballgame, turn off the TV and check the box score in the morning.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      I can't imagine how you score something like this.

      STUPID – ∞
      AMERICA – 0

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I am drinking Golden Gris from Alexis Bailly Vineyard in Hastings, Minnesota

    • littlebigdaddy

      Doesn't sound that good, but better than watching this shit unaided.

    • HempDogbane

      Shouldn't that be Baily, with one-L? I hate it when the liquor store is all out of the better South Dakota wines.

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        Which South Dakota wine do you prefer? My favorite is Prairie Berry… and Alexis Bailly is definitely two LLs. These wines rock

        • HempDogbane

          Shade', from Volga. That was a failed Michele joke, Maman.

          • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

            Dang. I missed that one on my last trip west. I wanted to go there and Desmet due to being a total Laura Ingalls nerd. What is your favorite wine there? Going to Oregon this summer and will have another chance to drive by…

          • HempDogbane

            It's been a couple years, can't remember names. Friends work there. This is definitely Laura territory.

          • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

            If you get a chance to ask them, let me know! Always prefer personal recommendations.

          • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

            Sorry, regional American wine nerd. Can't help myself.

          • flamingpdog

            On your way to Oregon, check out the wineries in Western Colorado. These days they're growing some fine grapes around Grand Junction where they used to grow peach and apple trees.

            But they're still growing plenty of apple and peach trees in those parts because it's easier to hide the marijuana patch in among the trees.

          • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

            Thanks! will do

  • Indiepalin

    Homestar Runner. Good one.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Perry says fuck the starving Africans. Does he realize Israel is the biggest recipient? Which is why, of course, they have all those new, shiny weapon systems.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Let them eat depleted uranium.

  • Mumbly_Occupado

    Oh God, there's another one of these?

  • user-of-owls

    Is Bachmann trying to swallow her own tongue?

    • HempDogbane

      According to that picture with W, she can swallow any tongue she damn well pleases !

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, gawd. Can you imagine what an idiot like Perry could do to Pakistan/India relations. What are the odds he's never heard of Partition?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      He is in favor of Partition, but only when it's in a pear tree.

      • DustBowlBlues

        Holiday themed snark. Well played, sir.

    • LiveToServeYa

      They still have Post-Partition Depression.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Heritage Foundation?!?!?

    Good job CNN.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Good Lord, Did one-L just sound non retard and school Ricky? Is it me or my meds?

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Maybe it's her meds.

  • http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

    And I'm reminded that I haven't watched a Homestar Runner video in years, so I'm off to more edifying pursuits.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Michele calls Perry's views naive.

    And Alanis Morissette just said, Oh, yeah–that's a real example, isn't it?

    • Callyson

      Isn't it ironic?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    HOT MORMON ON MORMON ACTION!
    ~

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      As opposed to the rest of the time, when it is hot moron on moron action.

    • Callyson

      This was one of the best catfights of the season!

  • fuflans

    i must confess i am more interested in the cepacol ad i just clicked on by accident.

  • Master Janitor V572

    Huntsy always sounds a bit desperate, as well he should since this is his last shot — Daddy's outa $$$!

    • flamingpdog

      Barry could always send him back to China, although I vote for bringing back Ambassador Duke for a second shot at the Chinese.

  • user-of-owls

    Indo-fucking-nesia in the 1960s as a fucking ROLE MODEL?!?!?

    Romney you stupid fucking cunt! In 1965-66, the fucking Sukarno regime slaughtered between 500,000 to 1 million civilians because they might have been 'commies.' Oh, and here's the best bit:

    The American Embassy in Jakarta supplied the Indonesian military with lists of up to 5,000 suspected Communists.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Thanks for that.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hey, he's Republican. He knows.

    • DustBowlBlues

      How could he be so wrong about this? All you have to do is watch that movie, back in the days when Mel Gibson was gorgeous and didn't talk, except in the movies.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        Linda Hunt makes a great midget activist.

      • SorosBot

        They're not wrong; they think that slaughtering that many people is a good thing, as long as they're the "wrong kind" of people (Muslim/"commie"/"uppity" black/"uppity" women/"illegals"/etc.).

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      These are the people who have to defend killing a million people in Iraq for no good reason so….

      Fucking psychopaths.

    • flamingpdog

      That one made me sit up in my chair out of a snooze. So much for any thoughts I might have had that Mittens isn't a freaking sociopath.

      • user-of-owls

        No shit. Even more infuriating is the fact that, as far as I can tell, no one is following up on this lapse of sanity on the news sites or even the blogs.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Now that I've turned off the television, I feel much better. Those people frighten me.

    • flamingpdog

      That's the central plank of the Republican Party platform.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh my God, Huntsman is so normal that maybe he'll be the next not-Romney.

    Wait, these are republicans.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh, God, The dripping contempt from Newt is sooooooooo precious.

    I sooooo wish I had him as a professor in college.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Has anyone had the Newter as a Prof

    • Master Janitor V572

      Would you've put a thumb tack on his chair?

      • flamingpdog

        No, but I'd cram an apple and a bunch of flowers up his fat ass.

    • user-of-owls

      I soooo wish I had him as a student in college. Would've given the prick an F for Fucking Smarmy Moron.

      • Chichikovovich

        Sometime I just want to visit the Tulane campus. Then I can go down to the library, and find one of the bound copies Newt's PhD. I'll look up who his committee was – ie the people who passed it. Then I'll track the chowderheads down and pepper-spray them for bringing shame on all universities everywhere.

        • user-of-owls

          My understanding is that they all were 'sent down' after that.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Gingrich is just blathering for applause.
    ~

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ricky Is Lam!!!!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Newt's about due for an attack on the media round about now….

  • DustBowlBlues

    Mittney is lying about leaving Iraq–Bush signed it to keep the Dems from leaving too fast. Blitz just lets this shit go,

    BTW–There isn't anyone currently participating in this ilve blog who doesn't know more about foreign affairs and world history than anyone on that stage, with the exception of Huntsman, who should be ashamed of himself for associating with these dumbfucks. Why doesn't the dumb bastard switch parties on the condition Obama gives him cool ambassadorships? Like Bermuda?

    To repeat–we of the wonkeratti know a hell of a lot more about the world than these clowns.

    • Chichikovovich

      World affairs? Sure, but why stop there? We also know more about Marcus Bachmann's sexuality than Michele does.

    • Geminisunmars

      I'm pretty sure we know more about any randomly named topic than any of these sterling examples of leadership (maybe excepting Huntsperson). Perhaps we don't know as much about the inner workings of the C Street – I couldn't get past the 2nd chapter of Jeff Sharlet's "Family" (it made me ill – just like this line up of debasers, I mean debaters).

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Everything they know is wrong!"

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    John Huntsman: Muslim-hugger.

  • SarahsBush

    A commercial! Now it might get interesting!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    WTF, Blitz? Is this Jeopardy?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Yes.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        I'll take Potent Potables for $1000, Alex

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Michele: I'd like "Bible" for a hundred.

          • flamingpdog

            It would have been a lot more enjoyable if it had had more Don Pardo.

  • SarahsBush

    Oh, I guess they don't show the commercials on the Intertubes. And it's still way more interesting!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    If we are guessing on number one threat, Hubs chooses syphilis. I say global warming

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Blow Up Iran Time!

    Everybody DRINK!
    ~

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Even too dumb to ask a question.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh, no….No one will stand up with Israel on this stage. Is this question neccessary?

    Wait, Herman is going to ask more experts about what to do.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Gotta eat something or vodka poisoning will ensue.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Let's team up with our Jewish pals and put on a show in the old Gulf!

  • Master Janitor V572

    Ron Paul: STOP MAKING SENSE! Declarations of war are soooo old fashioned.

  • Indiepalin

    Herb Cain wants to build an electrified fence between Afghanistan and North Korea.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    End the Fed's control of Israel!!

  • SarahsBush

    Haha! Cain's really sticking with the "bombs don't work on mountains" strategy.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, god, he really said that? I thought Ken was joking.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Is everyone there from the American Enterprise Institute?

  • user-of-owls

    Hey Blitz, stop with the fiction that, "now a question from our audience" and just say, "here's another war shill from AEI."

    • Master Janitor V572

      Wolfie even! No shame! It's Neocons on Parade tonight! Kagan!

      Maybe they can find Tommy Franks, too.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh, good, another Rick Perry retard moment.

  • sati_demise

    Ken is so brave he deserves a drink to treat shock.

    not watching. even if you paid me, so thanks, Ken

  • hockeymom

    This appears to be the perfect day to rejoin the Wonkette fold.
    Carry on.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Welcome back!

    • flamingpdog

      Where ya been?

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    We have no real financial influence over Iran. It's time to impose tougher sanctions on Europe.

    • flamingpdog

      Can we impose tougher economic sanctions on U.S. Congresspersons?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oops. Left a second to practice some paper art (with some dried grass) and missed Iran. Who was the first guy who said Bomb Iran?

    • anniegetyerfun

      All of them, Katie.

      Sorry.

    • flamingpdog

      HENNGGGHH!!!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    There's plenty of Heritage Foundation types, too.

    P.S. Of all these assholes, I think I despise Gingrich the most.

    He's Mr. blathering, condescending sound-bite man.
    ~

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Newt's a good choice, but I just can't get over that empty headed evil prick, little Ricky Santorum.

      • flamingpdog

        The contest between those two is which one got beat up the most in junior high school.

    • Negropolis

      Maybe it's only because I agreed with him, but I did like the part of the debate where he said he'd take the heat for treating Mexicans something slightly more than subhuman, and enough people in the audience clapped to give me an inkling of hope. lol

    • Callyson

      Of all these assholes, I think I despise Gingrich the most.
      The classic line applies again…
      All of 'em, Katie…

  • SarahsBush

    According to CNN's crowd shots, Newt is the only one who's married. Or maybe they're just trying to see if she has cancer yet.

    • flamingpdog

      Her hair and her nose are part of the stage lighting.

    • Callyson

      Or the other spouses duck every time the camera spans in their direction. I know I would.

    • Negropolis

      When they put the lights on Callista, I swear I saw her recoil, as if the light was burning her. You know, melting her human skin to reveal her true lizard scales.

  • rickmaci

    OH JEEBUS Newtie just declared war on Iran.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Newt's writing! Hide the children!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Yeah, Newt "Frankly" we could replace the Iranian regime in approx a year. Yeah.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Probably be a cake walk.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It was so easy last time!

    • yyyaz

      Not to mention it will pay for itself and yield an incalculable peace dividend for future generations. Frick. And also, Frack.

    • Geminisunmars

      They will greet us with flowers and kisses.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Why haven't we seized the tar sands from our enemy to the north?

    • Master Janitor V572

      Kind of time-consuming and messy to dig 'em up, bring 'em back, etc. But KBR and Haliburton could do it for the right price.

    • flamingpdog

      We have a quota of only one seized wasteland per decade, and we seized two last decade.

  • Master Janitor V572

    Fucking Wolfie's there? Jesus, call in a Predator/HELLFIRE strike right here, right now!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    And too dumb to answer one.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Africa was a country on the brink? Did I hear that correctly

    • anniegetyerfun

      I heard the clip on the BBC, and yes. Yes. Africa is a country, and this should come as no surprise from these assclowns.

    • flamingpdog

      Sarah Palin's in the race?

  • Nothingisamiss

    Paul Fucking Wolfowitz??!!! WTF!!!!!! Are they TRYING to see how much the wonketteers can take?! Holy fucking shit!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Africans do not need money to fight AIDS. They need to reject Satan and his Muslim allies.

  • Indiepalin

    Santorum: "Africa was a country on the brink" before he stepped in.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Now it's a frothy mix of many countries.

    • flamingpdog

      "The Sarah is strong in you."

      • Negropolis

        WIN! ROTFLMAO!

  • HateMachine

    THIS JUST IN: Slightly delaying a decision on a filthy oil tube that won't just demolish the environment but also make all the wrong people fabulously wealthy constitutes "Unilateral disarmament." Source: Michelle Bachmann

    Oh, and also, buying a fuckton of oil from Canada reduces our reliance on "foreign oil."

    • Biff

      Makes sense to me, does it ta ewe?

    • flamingpdog

      America? America, Jr.? Whuz the difference?

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Holy shit–Rick Santorum just said something intelligent about the consequences of slashing foreign aid….

  • JackObin

    This is just like the Lincoln/Douglas debates, minus Lincoln, Douglas and a relevant nation.

  • Limeylizzie

    Paul Wolfowitz and his holey socks and dirty hair…shudder.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Ron Paul doesn't like sending foreign aid overseas. We must keep foreign aid at home.

    • flamingpdog

      And send all the foreigners overseas.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Look at Romney mugging for the camera!

    That lizard inside is itching to get out.
    ~

  • DustBowlBlues

    Anyone read "Fiasco?" A retired army officer (who didn't want to be named) blamed Wolfowitz for being #1 cause of Iraq. The officer described his as: "dangerously ideological and crack-smoking stupid."

    Come to think of it, that pretty much describes most Republitards, esp. for the"DIACSS" (See Wolfy, above) crowd in that room right now.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Again, I learn something new from a well read DBB.

      "dangerously ideological and crack-smoking stupid." Description win.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I was under the impression that Wolfowitz and his ilk suffered from a huge amount of guilt from the LAST time they instigated an overthrow of Saddam, only to simply let their Shiite buddies be slaughtered by the regime once we had chased Iraq out of Kuwait. I don't excuse anything that Wolfie or any of his fellow neocons have done, but I had read accounts that he was so haunted by the first Gulf War… that he decided to kill millions in a second?

      • flamingpdog

        Oh, it all balances out in the end. Hopefully in his end. With a flaming pool cue.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Reboot the Mittster!

    REBOOT!
    ~

  • Nothingisamiss

    Yeah, Mitt, we can't indict for not upholding the Geneva convention since we don't.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Ken, this is a fine live blog debate moment for you. I'm loving your comments. It's a shame it's on this piece of shit, change nothing debate.

  • rickmaci

    Newtie wants to collapse the Oil Industry?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I can't wait to see how he explains this one.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Ron Paul wears his heart on his sleeve.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      He's just trying to point out that he's the only one up there that actually has one.

    • Negropolis

      Apparently, he doesn't have heart of international AIDs victims, or any kind of heart for humantarian, in general. His consistency is both madly admirable and madly annoying.

  • SarahsBush

    Huntsmen: "I could see Afghanistan from my embassy!"

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Isn't this the perfect opportunity to kidnap Wolfowitz and drag his ass to the Hague?

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Can't we just feed him to Newt?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Anyone read "Fiasco?" A retired army officer (who didn't want to be named) blamed Wolfowitz for being #1 cause of Iraq. The officer described his as: "dangerously ideological and crack-smoking stupid."

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Obama is to blame for the supercommittee…. OK, sounds good.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    GOODHAIR iz a Commander in Chief, y'all!
    ~

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Holy Fuck! Got foodz and saw that Wolfie was there. Fucker ruined my joke asking if Bolton had been an audience question!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Rick! Get your finger out of your nose! Blitz just noticed him, standing down there.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Funny, Leon Panetta did resign once…in 1969, when Nixon was undercutting him at the Civil Rights division of HEW….

  • memzilla

    Please, NO MORE CLOSEUPS OF CRAZY EYES.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    God damn that Kenyan Muslim Atheist communist Nazi socialist America-hating Obama for being so divisive. He has poisoned the tone of American politics.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Just turned the sound back on, and somehow cutting Social Security is the topic.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Everyone who asks a question for the American Enterprise Institute has some nervous looking woman within 3 seats staring desperately at them. Did they all bring their moms?

    • lulzmonger

      Minders from the RNC Politburo, who are nervous because they've been tasked with activating the AEI's mandatory intravenous cyanide-pumps the moment anyone goes rogue.

  • SarahsBush

    Uh, Michele, popping pills doesn't qualify you as "involved" in the debt discussion.

  • proudgrampa

    I am so glad I decided to watch NCIS.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Gingrich is leering at One L.
    ~

  • cheetojeebus

    why does Newt always looks to me like he just shat his pants and believes no one will notice?

    • RadiosTyrone

      Because he's been shitting on us for 30 years. In fact, he is just a spontaneously reproducing pile of shit.

    • MzNicky

      This is my new favorite description of the Newster. Perfect.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    I seem to recall a fellow who actually did balance the budget…let's see…in 1999…think he had a "D" after his name….

    • RadiosTyrone

      Haha Dok, the latest talking point is that it was the Repub congress that did that. When a few months ago I heard them saying it was never balanced, it was an accounting trick.

      • Nothingisamiss

        It is hard to keep up on the talking points, is it not?

        • RadiosTyrone

          Good point. Lies on top of misrepresentations, packed with inanity, layered with deceit.

          • yyyaz

            Then drizzled with santorum.

  • rickmaci

    When we return, the favorite past time of the TeaTardpublican Party, BEANER BASHING!! (crowd claps, fade live camera to commercial)

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Al Qaida en Acapulco!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • rickmaci

        !!!!!!!Jihad in Jalisco!!!!!!!!

        • anniegetyerfun

          ¡Sharia in Sinaloa!

          • Negropolis

            ¡Mohammedans in Mexicali!

          • anniegetyerfun

            Saracens in Sonora!

          • Negropolis

            Shit in Shinola!

            Er…um…

            Caliphate in Cancun and Sufis in Saltillo!

          • user-of-owls

            Zawahari en Zacatecas!

          • anniegetyerfun

            Hijab in Honduras?

  • memzilla

    Everyone count with me, when they pan the studio audience, how many not-white people do you see?

    HAH, trick question, you don't need to watch this dreck to get the correct answer.

    • Chichikovovich

      I'm not watching. (I recommend it – just read and let the snark infuse your spirit.) So I can make a guess: There are more African Americans on the podium than in the audience. Amirite people?

      • flamingpdog

        During the 45 minutes I watched, there was a minority questioner (forget what kind, but not A-A), followed by a Hispanic questioner, followed by a female questioner from the audience. Maybe if I'd had the stomach to watch any more, I could answer your question.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    And now, I start drinking.

    Yes, I know I'm playing catch-up…

    (Mmm, Sierra Nevada "Celebration Ale")

    • flamingpdog

      Good choice. I was drinking Big Sky Brewing Moose Drool brown ale. Seemed most appropriate for the occasion. Except the "brown" part.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    Ken Layne was a copy editor of the Elders of Zion.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Hah! I 'LOL'-ed

  • LiveToServeYa

    Fuck all these cocksuckers and the cocks they sucked in on. Whatevers.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    As a believer in truth in advertizing I think this National Security Debate should be renamed Fear and Dread in America.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Finally a question from the Left Wing Heritage Foundation!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  • user-of-owls

    Fucking Monroe Doctrine?!?!? Oh the fucking humanity.

  • shrillharpy

    Just got here. Did I miss anything? Oh, wait. Never mind.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    To stop the drug cartels, we must kick out all the messicans that are here. And I heard something about the Monroe Doctrine, so I'll mention that. Hamas is smuggling drugs, also, too.

  • user-of-owls

    "What can we do for the Mexican government to stop the drug war?"

    Um, stop buying drugs?

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Never!

    • flamingpdog

      We need to bring illegal drug manufacturing back home with tax breaks*, government incentives and public-private partnerships.

      * I meant to say "tax breaks for the rich" – who am I kidding here?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    "Ron Paul, do you agree with that crazy dumbass Goodhair?"

    "No, Blitzer, you fucking retard."
    ~

  • e_z

    W D 42?

    Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Ron Paul sounds like a college freshman trying to cram everything into an essay exam in the last five minutes of the period.

  • ThundercatHo

    Ron Paul wants to cancel the drug war! That's great since if one of these assholes wins we will need to be stoned everyday. Legalize marijuana!

  • user-of-owls

    Why is stupid Herman worried about how many Mexicans were "keeled" last year?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      What do you do with a drunken sailor, ear-lye in the morning?

      • flamingpdog

        I dunno if Hermie was ever a drunken sailor, but that clown definitely has had some lye in his ear in the morning – multiple times.

      • user-of-owls

        Careful. The Republicans might hear you!

    • Callyson

      "40% of Mexicans believe their country is a failed state"
      I'd *love* to know the % of *Americans* who would say the same about today's USA…

  • ProgressiveInga

    HaHaHaHaHa…..
    I'm watching Big instead of those GOP/Losers.

    Penny Marshall/Tom Hanks 2012!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    States need to have the right to deport people.

  • shrillharpy

    Gawd damn, Cain. Just cuz you make something illegal doesn't make it immoral. Fucker.

  • http://www.facebook.com/groups/227406670645311 Fred_Wertham_Jr

    Oh, 8 o'clock Eastern. Thank God I can get a fair and accurate account at Wonkette. It's like a fucking transcript.

    • Callyson

      I'm watching the re – run, and I can assure you that Wonkette's summary is spot – on…

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    To acquire more Einsteins, we should encourage more foreign governments to oppress their best and brightest.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Newtie is stuck on WWII.

    Let's start a Manhattan Project on the mexicans!
    ~

  • user-of-owls

    Oh christ, the only thing scarier than watching the wretches on the stage is when they pan the audience. It looks exactly like the depictions of Hell by juiced up religious fanatics in the Middle Ages.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Is that guy with the shaving cream from THG there?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    30,000 engineers!!!!!!!!!
    Bullshit!

  • Limeylizzie

    OT but MrLimeylizzie just called me to tell me that my beloved cat, Neville, has gone missing in LA. I am weeping like a 3 year old.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Oh, hell and spit! So sorry to hear that!

      • Limeylizzie

        He's the best cat,really dumb and really loving. He has done this once before and came back, so I am sort of hopeful, it is just awful because i am in NYC until next Thursday amd MrLimeylizzie feels so guilty.

        • Dok-cupy Everything

          So….the cat came back? The very next day? Thought he was a goner but he wouldn't stay away?

        • MzNicky

          Please let us know when the li'l fella is back. My kitty Ethel Mertz II went missing one time for two weeks. Kids and I went around stapling notices to telephone poles, checked the shelter twice a day, etc. One morning here she comes strolling up the driveway, all "oh hello, yes you may feed me now." Keep hope alive Limeylizzie!

          • Limeylizzie

            He came back!!!! MrLimeylizzie called at about 3am NY time, he was painting and had kept the screen door open and heard a little meow and there was Neville, none the worse for wear. He is an indoor cat, except for on the deck, but was feral when we adopted him, so he sometimes heeds the call of the wild.

          • ProgressiveInga

            Yay! So glad to hear the good news. My 24-year old daughter keeps coming back, too, even though I've moved twice. Cats and kids will not be denied……

            Happy Thanksgiving, LL.

          • Dok-cupy Everything

            Huzzah for the big ginger doofus! Mitt Romney will now release a campaign ad accusing Obama of insufficient action on Operation Neville.

          • Limeylizzie

            It wouldn't surprise me, but Neville is a Progressive.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Oh thank goodness! One of our two cats is formerly-feral as well, and after a few attempts to reason with him, we cannot let him go outside anymore. The last time he snuck out, he made a bee-line for the doghouse of a neighbor's pitbull, and if we hadn't raised a ruckus before the old mutt spotted him in there, he'd have been a goner.

          • Limeylizzie

            Our house in LA is in the hills and we have coyotes just meandering along the street on a regular basis, so I am always freaked out if Neville escapes.

          • user-of-owls

            Hallelujah!! See? There is a secret Help-A-Cat-Home neural network! And it works!!

          • Limeylizzie

            Must be, although it would need to be a really strong one for our Neville, somewhat remedial of a feline, so your, obviously, intelligent cat must have been in charge.

          • user-of-owls

            You're an actress, old thing. You more so than anyone should recognize that Neville only plays dumb. He gets much more lovin' that way.

          • Limeylizzie
          • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

            Yay!
            (bad link?)

          • Limeylizzie
          • Nothingisamiss

            Limey, I'm so glad. I had to dig through this thread to make sure.

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh thanks, yes he came home, not a whisker out of place, I made MrLimeylizzie check him all over for wounds, bites etc, but all he wanted to do was curl up with his Fiona.

    • Biff

      Oh, crap. Hope he comes home soon…

    • Nothingisamiss

      Oh, Limeyl, I feel your pain. So awful! Here's all good thoughts towards you and Neville.

    • user-of-owls

      Oh no! Tell MrLimeylizzie to rig up a projector, find a large outdoor wall and broadcast an #OccupyYourKittyBedNeville cat sign!

      I'll give Nabi, our bloated girl, a bunch of extra rubs and tell her to activate the Help-A-Cat-Home neural network they have.

      • flamingpdog

        BUILD THE WALL!!!1!

        I hopez your kitty getz back safe and sound too, Lizzie

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Oh I am so sorry. Keep your eyes open and then give that cat a bath when he gets home. I think it is part of a negative reinforcement

    • shrillharpy

      I'm relatively new to the board but hope yer cat comes home safely.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Limey, yours is the only real problem we've discussed tonight that means anything.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      I have had cats around most of my life and I know how you feel. The little bastards can tug at your heart while puking in your shoes. Cats are survivors Ms. Lizzie. I hope and bet he returns in sound shape.

    • Extemporanus

      My black & white Bengal's bags are packed, and she's poised to hop the first flight to LA to aid in the search. Please ensure that a driver, one large moth, and a half-pound of raw hamburger is waiting for her upon arrival.

      I've little doubt that Neville's long bottom will be back home in no time, Lizzie!

      • user-of-owls

        Peace of mind in our time.

    • Callyson

      Oh, I am so sorry to hear that…try posting photos to Craigslist and the like, and around the neighborhood. Good luck.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    We need engineers. But let's remember: Science is evil.

  • rickmaci

    OneL's lipstick color make her lips look like she has Joker lips.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I don't want to scare you, but it's not the lipstick.

    • flamingpdog

      She's the pompatus of love.

    • ThundercatHo

      I was thinking the same plus I'm pretty sure she borrowed Marcus' false eyelashes.

      • rickmaci

        Only his panty hose.

  • rickmaci

    "…as somebody who believes strongly in family." ROFLMAO. Come on guy, you're killing me.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    If they keep praising higher education like this, they're gonna alienate the base…

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Magnets??, Oooh please, tell me how they work.

  • rickmaci

    This is a party that loves immigration so we can have people to cut our lawns, clean our toilets, raise our kids….

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Now for the Newt – Mittens smug-off.
    ~

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Newtie lurves teh illegals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  • Joshua Norton

    I had to watch a very important "Ned & Stacey" rerun. Has anyone cheered for killing puppies yet?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    FUCKING MAGNETS!!!
    ~

    • Callyson

      We want those brains!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Newt said "compassion." He's dead meat now.

    • MzNicky

      Perhaps his handlers have advised him to try to act like a human every now and then?

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        If so, they should know better. The Base wants a Terminator, not a human.

    • Negropolis

      No shit. Remember when Perry chastised the audience for not having a heart if they didn't agree with him?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Arab Spring muthafuckaaaaaaaaas!!

  • rickmaci

    After the commercial, from Drone Bombing Messcans, we move on to carpet bombing muslims, but first a word from new and improved Asswipes…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    9:40 PM — Elderly crowd now fully asleep, livebloggers near death, not even Wine & Marijuana & Irish Breakfast Tea can save us now.

    Party at Ken's place!
    ~

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Jesus h-fucking Christ! How many debates are they going to have? Seriously, this has been enough time to hear every thought everyone of them has ever had. Twice.

  • shrillharpy

    Syria…. hmmm. lemme think about that for… uh, what? Did you say Syria? Huh, my mind's twirling…

    • rickmaci

      Syree, syree, syree, syria, bo nan a nana bo bana, syria.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Heritage Foundation.
    Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Herman Cain does not know where the fuck Syria is. 9-9-9!

    • MzNicky

      It's over there somewhere near the country of Africa, right?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Cain: We established a no-fly zone at Godfather's using pest strips.
    ~

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Diversity!!!! Woman from AEI !!!!!!!!!

    • anniegetyerfun

      The Arab Emirates Islamistics?

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Ron Paul going to get booed in 3…2…1…

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Ottoman Empire, … that is the sound of a million FOX viewers scratching their heads.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I done built a fort outta couch cushions before, but a whole empire outta a footstool?

    • flamingpdog

      Hermie's got visions of Dick Van Vader twirling 'round in his haid.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Heritage Foundation._Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

    • user-of-owls

      That's two. One more and you get a complimentary broach depicting a brainwashed lower-middle class Fox viewer clutching the Republican asp to his breast.

      • flamingpdog

        That's two times I've seen repeats on this page. Somebody needs to waterboard Intense Debate.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    the answer is we need to develop more mountains.

    is this thing on?

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      They develop new mountains of horse-shit with each one of these debates.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh dear god Ron is quoting Wolfowitz like he's a source of knowledge.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Right? See, when he's right, he sounds so good. Then he starts a sentence with something like "Paul Wolfowitz says……"

      • Millennial Malaise

        i felt the same thing with John Huntsman. I was really digging his Trust Deficit angle, even if it was kind of clunky.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Romney SMASH!
    ~

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    I would venture the bold idea that a no-fly zone over Syria is unnecessary because Assad isn't using his air force against the people of Syria.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    No one would ever dare attack us if a guy named Mittens is our President.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Give Mitt credit for dissing both Ron Paul and Barack in one answer.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    good evening, I'm here for the Heritage Foundation Elephant Walk.

    • RadiosTyrone

      We're here to help clean up the elephant shit trail.

    • flamingpdog

      Neesz moar John Wayne.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    American Enterprise Institute
    Boooooooooooooooooooo!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Frothy, you aren't going anywhere.

    Just sit down and shut up.
    ~

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      He can go to hell.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Gah!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Socialism! The Comintern must be stopped!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Kind of funny hearing Goodhair talk about the ash heaps of history.
    ~

  • rickmaci

    OMG. Al Qaeda in Venezuela.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Koran in Caracas!

      • anniegetyerfun

        I was going to go with Qur'an in Quito, but you beat me to it, by a good hour.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Sharia in Santiago? Mullahs in Montevideo?

          • anniegetyerfun

            Arabs in Aruba*!*Republicans do not realize that Aruba is not in Latin America.

          • Pat_Pending

            Party in Your Pants! Everybody's Comin'! (Oh, Herman…)

    • gvvt

      The Taliban everywhere!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    They better get a move on and wrap this up. "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?", starts in 4 minutes on Lifetime.

    • littlebigdaddy

      No Trailer Park Boys on TVO?

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Yeah. Get ready for another coup, President Chavez.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    the fire that turns China to ashes will be lit by a bill with Ben Franklin's picture on it.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    We need a no-fly zone over pregnant Chinese women.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    You know, sometimes Ron Paul sounds reasonable and sane then after a few seconds, wacko babble.

  • rickmaci

    OMG pulse attack. Darth Vader vs. America

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    We WON in Iraq! That is so totally awesome.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    My guess is that these people are the biggest threat to America faces…uh, did huntsman just say godlessness?

  • flamingpdog

    ♫ Don't you love farce?
    My fault I fear.
    I thought that you'd want what I want.
    Sorry, my dear.
    But where are the clowns?
    Quick, send in the clowns.
    Don't bother, they've been here for the last two mind-bending hours.♫

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Thank the FSM it's over.

    Everybody drink.

    And fuck A.E.I. and the Heritage Foundation.
    ~

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yay!
      Getya for President!
      Drink!

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Cheers to that. Thanks to everybody for hanging out and making this TOLERABLE. xxoo, goodnight.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I raise a glass of…..I don't even know what I'm drinking ……….
      anyway….here's to ya.

    • Mumbly_Occupado

      Personally, I just can't wait until the #OWS/Center for American Progress debate that's obviously upcoming.

      Wait, what's that? That thing doesn't exist and never will in any form for any primary season, ever?

      Oh right, I forgot. "Liberal media", etc.

  • Barrelhse

    Damn. The debate is only just now starting on my computer. I wish I had better broadband.

    • flamingpdog

      Broader bedpan might be more useful for watching.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I gotta say I don't like this new reality show one bit. I'm sticking to You're Excused.

  • flamingpdog

    Can I go to bed now, mommy and daddy?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, no. Just got back from ironing my third napkin, getting cornbread out of the oven, cleaned the crap the old man left splattered inside the microwave, got 6 homemade pie shells out of the freezer, and was about to seed 3 poms for salads. Oh, and getting high.

    I also had to hit "mute" to make the old man happy until I got rid of him.

    So, did I miss much? Or is the only way to get anything out of this snooze-fest to read the wonkers' thoughts on the matter at hand.

    • finallyhappy

      I seeded a pom too!(but then we ate the seeds) Are you making coconut macaroon pies? These are important things! I didn't watch the debate either- just read the comments

  • hebmskebm

    Guys, do you realize there are THIRTEEN more Republican debates scheduled? This has already been dragged on so long and hit so many cities it's beginning to resemble an early 90's Guns 'N' Roses tour. Except all the crazy on that stage combined isn't nearly as crazy as Axl.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Are you serious? 26 more hours of this shit?

      • hebmskebm

        Sadly, yes. At least there are only three more of them before the Iowa primaries.

        • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

          Gawd. How mind numbing.

          Though it would be totally awesome to tie up Grover Norquist, shoot him up with crystal meth, and make him watch all 40 hours or whatever of these all in a row.

    • Mumbly_Occupado

      As I said elsewhere, they seem dead-set on disproving the adage, and demonstrating that there is, in fact, such a thing as bad publicity.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Another thirteen of these blasted things? It's like some form of deathmatch of stupidity.

      Does, could, anyone watch this shit and make a decision based on the candidates' policy positions? It's just reheated pablum at best and dangerously dull-witted incoherent nonsense at worst.

      It's absolutely stunning that anyone could watch these gormless dullards and think "oh, yes, (s)he seems a rather top notch candidate. (S)He shall receive my primary vote."

  • datateday

    Miss the main debate thread when it was fresh – chug the entire keg!

  • SorosBot

    Well, it took seven or eight tries while I just kept getting killed, but Willow the Breton mage (yeah not good with original names) just finally slaughtered the vampire clan that had planned to enslave the people of Morthal village as their blood-cows, burning them all with my and my summoned Atronach's flames while my companion smacked them with her giant Orcish warhammer. The rewards and selling the loot finally gave me enough to buy a house too.

    …wait, another debate? Sorry I missed it.

    • Mumbly_Occupado

      Ha, Skyrim is kinda great. My character's currently enrolled both in clown college, and in bard college.

      (incidentally, the secret to slaughtering the vampires is obviously to turn into a Werewolf. Okay, maybe not actually*, but it's satisfying in a very ninja vs. pirate sort of way.)

      *actually actually, it is, since vampires are asshole mages that run around and slow you down with magic; extra speed, plus a knockdown, plus a shout that sends the thralls running away is a recipe for win.

      • SorosBot

        I'm working on the bard college now, after joining the mage college early on – it's pleasantly surprising to find that the Draugr who were nearly impossible when there were more than, like, two of them in the initial mage quests (and I had to actually turn down the difficulty for the two high-level ones) are now mostly jokes. Haven't gotten anywhere near becoming a werewolf yet, as the fighter's guild/"Companions" don't seem appropriate or easy for a pure mage character as mine is so far (best skill is alchemy, followed by destruction magic).

    • SudsMcKenzie

      I was stuck in Ansvilund, looking for a sword, I missed almost all of this – thank god!11

      p.s get the house in Markarth, totally worth the 8k.

    • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Skyrim? Jesus, I need to look up from CoH.

  • Mumbly_Occupado

    I do have to say, it's pretty great seeing a reunion of Paul Wolfowitz and also Dick Cheney's entire staff from his time as Vice President, in the audience at this debate. Basically, everyone who lied us into a war of aggression and then set up a secret torture regime under US jurisdiction, getting together, it was just like old times!

    Honestly, the only thing that could have made this reunion party any better is if it actually had taken place at The Hague.

    • rickmaci

      Did look the largest gathering of known criminals since the Appalachin Meeting in '57.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Mob Lore reference for the win. At least La Cosa Nostra were upfront about their foreign policy motives. "Fuck that spic Castro with a croupier stick!! He stole my Tropicana!!"

    • RadiosTyrone

      Neo-NeoCons.

      • LiveToServeYa

        Could glitter bomb them in bright yellow to make them the Neon-Neocons.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Or in the cross-hairs (oops! surveyor's mark, sorry) of a drone strike.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Now that the clown show is over, time to switch to PBS–Frontline has a pretty good one tonight.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Me. too. The Republics should have skipped that silly debate and watched this instead.

  • flamingpdog

    At work this afternoon, I watched a two and a half-minute video of cars getting stacked up at a train crossing, and then the train going past, and then the cars taking off again. I'd rather watch that 50 times than watch two hours of this roadkill again.

  • snackypants

    This is priceless: "8:32 PM — The split screen of Perry and Bachmann is horrifying. She looks like she is watching, in her mind, zombies crawl out of the corpse of a zebra who just ate Jesus."

    Also, reading the debate transcript gave me vertigo.

  • Mumbly_Occupado

    My favorite part was the part where everyone pretended that Paul Wolfowitz ever said things that weren't either the complete opposite of correct or deliberate lies, constantly.

  • flamingpdog

    O mighty overlord Ken, could we have Ms Benincasa do the live blog sometime, or is she persona au gratin here at teh Wonkette? It might make taking the shit thrown at us up on stage a little easier to take if we were getting monkey poop flung at us by sweet Sara at the same time.

  • snackypants

    Okay, this line made my head spin in a good way:

    "9:49 PM — Wooden power-suit Conservative Think Tank Youth Gal with her hair pulled back so hard it makes her eyes into giant pools of fearmongering foolishness, she has a question. It is about … Israel, Al Qaeda, something. She has never enjoyed a true orgasm."

    I love you, Ken Layne.

  • ttommyunger

    Somehow, Wolf Blitzer seems unsettlingly at home with this crowd.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Though Wolf seems to lack the pure evil of the candidates, he does fit in by virtue of his also being a vacuous idiot.

      • ttommyunger

        He can read out-loud, though.

        • not that Dewey

          Sort of.

          • ttommyunger

            In a fourth-grader kind of way.

    • Negropolis

      Wolf Blitzer is at home with any crowd so long as a goddamned camera is rolling. The consummate Washington courtier this ass is.

      • ttommyunger

        He must have an asshole the size of a fucking horse-collar by now.

    • lulzmonger

      Dude has perfected the ancient martial-art of Lapdog Fu.

      Wolf knows every wrinkle in every taint on that stage by heart.

    • friendlyskies

      He knows that these are the only people in the world he could potentially beat on Jeopardy!

      • ttommyunger

        Wolf: the living example of the Peter Principle at its worst.

  • sbj1964

    How many times did they blame everything on the President ? I think they would try to blame him for killing Jesus,or the latest Twilight Movie. 8 years of GW Bush ,and the republican War-machine/Tax cuts for the rich/ Corrupt Banks,and lack of accountability in Congress is how we got here in the first place .These are the same people that broke the system telling us how they are qualified to fix it?

  • http://wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Sweet Jesus Ken I don't know how you do it's I can't take these sad sack lick spittle mouthbreathers face to monitor anymore I'm glad you're here to do it for me. When you need a liver transplant I'll be happy to go halfsies with you if the handfuls of Xanax/moonshine havent wrecked mine too.

    Thanks or takin this one for the team buddy.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    8:21 PM — Huntsman notes that “America has a brand name around the world.”

    We certainly do. In fact, 30% of Egyptians believe that "USA" is a brand of tear gas.

    • sati_demise

      KenLayIsAlive is on fire tonight.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    8:38 PM — Mitt Romney’s reasons to stay in Afghanistan is that we’ve been there for a long time, and spent a lot of money there. Excellent reasoning, Mittens.

    Hey, that's what I tried to say, but they still kicked me out of the bar at 4am.

    • fuflans

      i for one am glad ken lay is still alive.

      thanks for all your posting.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Hi, everyone! I didn't watch TV tonight, or read these comments, and I've been drinking for hours. So! How's everyone doing? Should I feel irresponsible for tuning this shit out?

    • littlebigdaddy

      You are right in my comfort zone, bra.

    • flamingpdog

      Blame it on the Black Man in the White House. That seemed to be the theme for the night.

    • Callyson

      Should I feel irresponsible for tuning this shit out?
      Only if you are personally responsible for whether the local liquor store stays in business or not. Otherwise, no worries.

  • fuflans

    Rick Perry is going to stop drugs by … uh, Hugo Chavez, Hezbollah, Iran, Mexico, Paramount, etc.

    rick darling, if you want a death match in hollywood, you choose disney.

  • Negropolis

    My computer was acting up, so I'm just now getting here. All and all, I was kind of surprised by Newt, Michele and Santorum. Every once in awhile they'd come into focus and would say something lucid before they descended back into madness.

    Perry was incoherent and stupid as usual. Mean as a snake, and self-aware as a sloth.

    Romney's "I'm going to out-conservative the conservatives" is really starting to wear on me, as is his growing smugness. I'm not sure who is giving him advice on how to act in these things, but he better fire 'em.

    After not being able to stand Huntsman, I'm starting to warm to the guy. I particularly liked when he kind of just totally dissed Romney with the "didn't you hear what I just said?" line or whatever he actually said.

    Cain is totally through. Over. His stuck on stupid about concerning his insistence that the topography of Iran matters in anything is really kind of confusing.

    Blah. BTW, why are they entertaining Paul Wolfowitz as if he's some kind of serious person, or entertaining him as anything other than a depraved criminal? That was the most surprising point of the debate. He comes up there as if he's some lowly head of some local organization.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      "self-aware as a sloth"
      You are insulting sloths. What did they ever do to you to deserve this?

      • littlebigdaddy

        Sloth libel!

  • Negropolis

    Oh, and BTW, for the millionth time, America, Africa is a fucking continent made up of multiple and very different countries and nations. Gawd.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Forgot about this! Did I miss anything?

    • flamingpdog

      Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. Other than that, no.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I must admit that I watched college hoops. It sounds like I did not miss anything. One-L did not turn out to be an expert on western Asia, for example.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      One-L does not know that Asia has a western part.

    • flamingpdog

      They're all experts on East Asia. They love to panda to their audiences.

      Sorry, folks, not enough to drink tonight. So shoot me. (But eat first, and then leave.)

      • Negropolis

        Of course, they'd all be experts on East Asia, because we've always been at war with East Asia…

  • littlebigdaddy

    That is a reverse-limbo bar though.

  • valgal2342

    Why is that turkey disappearing into Ron Paul's pants?

  • El Pinche

    A bottle of Jameson & Finding Bigfoot marathon. That's tonight. Fuck these jive ass turkeys.

  • Suck My Balls

    I missed it. Did we bomb anyone?

  • Sassomatic

    "It’s going to be fun to watch all these motherfuckers hanged."

    Taken out of context. this could be misunderstood.

  • coolhandnuke

    Breaking news: The Center for Disease Control has just released the results of Newt Gingrich's DNA. Newt's molecular structure is comprised of–a 30 gallon drum of cream of mushroom soup, a broken and battered rock-em-sockem robot, a more effete Barbara Bush, the gray teletubbie, a logic pretzel and every pompous "history" professor you wanted to kidney punch.

  • littlebigdaddy

    The biggest retard fest since the Texas Association of Fat Racist Retards' (TAFRR) annual convention in Laredo, TX.

  • wallygeorge

    We made a new political ad for Romney http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDxmiyX8XmI

  • Callyson

    Watching the re – run since I could not see it live: WTF with this intro? Is this a debate or an action flick?
    CNN sucks…

    • Negropolis

      The only thing missing was a listing of height and weight. I swear they were hawking some MMA event.

  • Suck My Balls

    Nice pics of Bachmann and W! Is that Marcus in the purple pant suit?

  • Negropolis

    OT: The county health department did a surprise inspection on my city's local Occupy, yesterday, and shut down the Occupy kitchen. She didn't want any of the brave protestors to get a tummy ache, is pretty much the gist of what she said. She just cares so much about them, bless her heart. Coincidentially (not), the fire department shows up a few hours later and makes them takes their heaters away as a "fire hazard." I don't think they could be any clearer with their "Hippies go home" message.

    • Chichikovovich

      But this is absolutely not politically motivated. You know those huge wild gatherings of rowdy campers from all over the Midwest and even farther afield that spring up in Ann Arbor and East Lansing many Saturdays every fall? RVs and tents everywhere, clearly insufficient number of port-a-potties for a crowd that size, hundreds of space heaters around on cold days, all sorts of meats of uncertain origin cooking on dodgy looking hitachi's, rampant consumption of alcohol and open public intoxication, even occasional fistfights between members of rival gangs sporting their gang "colors" and furniture set on fire (well, that last one only happens in East Lansing)? They'll be shuttin' em down. With armored, helmeted, facemasked riot police dispensing pepper spray and other food products (mustard gas?) if necessary. Because the state, county and city authorities care about health, fire safety and public order, and nothing but. Incorruptible, they are.

  • Limeylizzie

    OT. MrLimeylizzie just called from LA, it is 2.30 am EST, Neville has returned after an 11 hour absence! I am now weeping with joy, thanks to all Wonketteers who send messages of solidarity!

    • emmelemm

      Is that your kitty cat?

      ETA: I was reading the comments from new to old… duh…

      Glad he's back!

      • Limeylizzie

        Yes, my big orange darling.

    • Callyson

      Awwww!!! I am so happy to hear your good news. Sleep well!

    • DahBoner

      The cat came back.

      The very next day.

      You thought he was a goner, but…

    • finallyhappy

      yeah!. Good new!. We get listserve notices about cats and dogs in our neighborhood who have strayed and then generally turn up in a favored neighbor's yard- one who keeps food out for their own pet.

    • MzNicky

      Yay! Thanks for the update.

    • ThundercatHo

      Glad to hear that Neville has returned unscathed. He is probably just resentful of your absence. BTW, we've made a donation to the Afghan animal assistance org. you recommended, it sounds as if they do wonderful work. Also, too I have an idea for a movie: a "Twilight" sequel in which you get to play the nanny for the baby girl vampire and swat Taylor Laughtner on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper and then, of course, teach him what doggie-style really means.

      • Limeylizzie

        Oh how lovely , they do amazing work, one of the soldiers and his dog will be on Jon Stewart soon, Jon paid for the cost of getting the dog home. I love the idea of swatting Taylor on the nose, I would also be ok with kicking him in the balls.

    • flamingpdog

      Yay, it's always good mews news when the wandering animals come home! Did your hubbie check to see if Neville had any new hickies?

  • Pat_Pending

    It's times like this that make me glad I canceled cable, so I can just watch back-to-back episodes of Breaking Bad all night…

  • Callyson

    JFC, I'm going to have to do AA by the time this primary is over…

  • bflrtsplk

    Uh, Ken, to these shit stains on the underwear of humanity, Israel is Disneyland.

  • DahBoner

    The reason why Ron Paul hates the Patriot Act is because it would have stopped a White, Christian, Conservative Terrorist from having "fun" blowing up a bunch of babies in Oklahoma City…

  • freakishlywrong

    Weird, the President gave a fiery, populist speech yesterday, calling out Teapublicans and all that's on my teevee this a.m. are assholes "debating" and pundits "analyzing. Nary a peep on the speech. Hmm..

  • Limeylizzie

    OT For those Wonketteers who were concerned about my Neville, here is is, the orange one.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/6388873

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Man, I missed the whole evolution. Glad to hear your cat came back, Liz. Maybe we can all have a Wonk-fest some day and everyone can pet your kitty.

      • Limeylizzie

        Um, that would be nice?

    • vulpes82

      I like Fiona.

      • Limeylizzie

        She is unbelievable! Found on the El tracks in Chicago at 4 weeks old, has a very strong sense of self and adores my husband with a passion.

        • vulpes82

          She just looks like she's a scrapper and brooks no nonsense.

          • Limeylizzie

            She rules the roost, no doubt, she weighs about 9 lbs and Neville weighs 18 lbs and is not fat , just enormous and she terrifies him.

    • MzNicky

      So glad. Dang li'l varmints! Why oh why do we love them so?

      • Limeylizzie

        Because they do not judge us. Actually Fiona does judge me and I come up wanting .

      • Limeylizzie

        I love your Jack Russell.

        • MzNicky

          Oh — that's no Jack Russell, that's my pit bull/hound dog mongrel, straight from the local shelter! She'll be flattered by your compliment, though.

          • Limeylizzie

            She is beautiful, I love those rescue animals, they are always just so happy to have some love.

          • MzNicky

            Thanks lizzie! She's a big spoiled baby, just like the rest of my critters. I agree, I think shelter-adoptees somehow understand that you've saved their lives and they worship you like a goddess. Well, the dogs do anyway. The cats, eh, they know they've done you a favor.

  • MzNicky

    Nice Blingee, by the way. Who's the turkey-head? Oh I know I know, all of 'em Katie!

  • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Hurricane Ali

    The Blingee is mesmerizing. That is all.

  • Crowe2011

    A vote for Rick Santorum is a vote for preventing Bolivian socialists and Egyptian Salafists from teaming up? Good news – they're not going to. Saved yourself a vote there.

  • BornInATrailer

    It so depressing that I want Ron Paul to win out of this pack of shitheads. Gonna be time to register Republican for 20min and vote for Dr. Feelgood (again).

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    "How is it that we've sunk so low as a political culture that this kind of venomous lie can be heard without being shouted down?"

    I don't know how we got here either. It's like waking up in jail after a blackout. I'm guessing.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Wait a second…I thought Santorum was a frothy mixture of lube and feces? Can he also be the stupidest man in the senate? I mean, after all, Rand Paul everyone!

  • Geminisunmars

    That is how I view the repubs. But I have to say that watching the clip this evening of Obama actually listening and responding to a "Mic Check" in NH gave me the old tingly winglies. I can't give that man up. Yah, we wanted more and better from him, but at least he is sane.

  • MzNicky

    "this kind of venomous lie can be heard without being shouted down"

    Well, no one applauded it at least, did they? So! Lower we can go.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I'll say it again, Huntsman is doing this for 2016, after the Republican Party has imploded from terminal idiocy.

  • flamingpdog

    Rick passed on the Crown of Cretin to Randy Paul after the Pennsylvanians gave Rick the heave-ho.