notice of intent to commit liveblogging

Yes, We Are Liveblogging Tonight’s GOP Horror-Clown Show

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

8 p.m. Eastern Time, friends! And what will the jabbering idiots be discussing tonight, besides “whatever fever-porn nightmares emerge uninvited from their gaping mouths”? Foreign Policy! Oh this will be a delight, won’t it? BE HERE, BRING WEAPONS of LOVE & BARRELS of MARIJUANA.

While you wait, enjoy (?) this collection of Rick Perry’s ultimate fuckups at previous debates, hosted by Grandpa Munster from the pop band KISS:

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    I have a note from my mom, excusing me from class tonight.
    Wait, I just saw there will be marijuana. What the hell does my mom know?

    • Ohforcripessake

      She knows "that ain't no way to have fun, son"

  • nounverb911

    What's your address? I'll send you a bottle of Jack Daniels.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      I have a bottle of Islay malt on my left, and Orkney malt on the right. This could be ugly…..

      • Chichikovovich

        And on the TV you have clowns to the left of you and jokers to the right.

        • poncho_pilot

          here i am. stuck in the right of center "middle" with you.

          • Ducksworthy

            Here I am. Stuck in reality with you.

  • nounverb911

    Who will be the first to say "Bomb Iran now"?

    • RadiosTyrone

      But, first, a little bungi-bungi on Obama.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Joe Lieberman?

      Edit: Ooops.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    LOOK OUT, LIVER!

    P.S. From professional WaPoop person Chris Cillizza:

    Huntsman’s moment: At some point, the former Utah governor has to win a debate — or come somewhere close to it. To date, his debate approach seems more geared to winning over campaign hacks and the press — making a serious of VERY insidery jokes/references — than to actually persuading voters in New Hampshire (and elsewhere) about why he is the most plausible Romney alternative.

    Yeah, CUNTSman, when you gonna stop pandering to sentient life forms and show us that you want it?

    I think Chris wants him to pull out an Obama poster, drop trou, and take a dump on it live. That'll get those GOP poles moving!
    ~

  • SorosBot

    Another one? Hm; what's a better use of time, watching these idiots yammer on and alternate between laughing and raging at them, or Skyrim?

    • Barb

      I'm dry aging a prime rib for Thanksgiving. I would rather be watching that process.

      • SorosBot

        Prime rib instead of Turkey? I thought that was heretical.

        I'm just glad my dad does all the cooking; as is the rest of the family, considering what horrible cooks me and my mom are (my brother's OK though).

        • Barb

          I can't lift a turkey at this time. I have one though.
          The prime rib will be seared on Grillzilla at 700 degrees quickly and then it will roast for 10 hours at 200 degrees, as per the instructions I found in Cooks Illustrated magazine.
          I may just make two heaping bowls of Quisp cereal and watch the dog show all day.

          • Chichikovovich

            Quisp? The alien with the propeller beanie? They still make that?

          • Barb

            Wanna come over for some Quake too?

          • Chichikovovich

            Is it new, thinner, improved Quake? Containing a Quakemobile with rocket-firing catapult?
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E70QI7m5uqI

          • Barb

            That was a refreshing blast from the past, my friend. Thanks for the smile!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I was always a Quisp guy, fuck that Quake. I really miss Clackers and Kaboom.

          • Chichikovovich

            Glad to be of service. I found it a couple of months ago because I had three seconds of it rolling around in my head. "You'll never make it! Sure I will, Quisp!". That's all I could remember. Driving me crazy, it was. I had to remind myself of the whole commercial for context. Thank heavens for the youtubes.

    • Nesnora

      Skyrim, even though it's bullshit I can't marry a khajiit…

      • SorosBot

        But you can marry an Argonian; since there can be man-(or-woman)-on-lizard-person marriage, but not man-on-cat-person marriage, someone wanted to rile the Furries.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I'm all in! I'll take part in liveblog when I'm not preparing for Thanksgiving. The problem is that, between making crumbs from my homemade bread for one dressing and cornbread for the other, and ironing some vintage linen napkins I found yesterday at an "antique mall" and already having decorated the church with a couple of other friends and other shit, I won't be able to actually pay any attention to the debate. So I'll just have to read wonkers' comments to keep up with what's going on.

    Sounds like a big win for me and the family.

    • Barb

      Martha Stewart is curled up in the fetal position, whimpering your name and cursing. Excellent job!

    • Mahousu

      … decorated the church with a couple of other friends and other shit …

      Isn't the correct term "desecrated"?

    • Words

      If I might offer a distinction, if you use bread crumbs for this dish, it's stuffing, which is totally different in looks and taste from dressing, which is ALWAYS made primarily from cornbread and all-around truly better than the lowly stuffing (which for safety's sake, shouldn't be put in the bird while cooking.

      There have been Civil War skirmishes at my home over this business, and we have to have stuffing (from bread crumbs) for our Yankee in-laws, which true Southerners won't touch, saving all for the sacred cornbread dressing. I've been fixing most of the sides that accompany the illustrous bird, the Turkey, since I was a teenager, nigh on 30 years, and I think I know whereof I speak.

      I haven't watched the debates, considering them a waste of my time and the networks, altho John Stewart has been making more sense translating these farcical events than the real-time commenters and the contestants themselves…. For contestants they are, n'est pas? (Oh, Johnny, show mr mittens what he's won today!!

  • finallyhappy

    Today at the museum ,an obvious moron(wearing a ROMNEY hat), told me the exhibit is creating class warfare. I told him that the exhibt was fact based(duh- why did I say that- I don't work at the Creationism museum) .. He didn't dispute the facts- but it seems that presenting facts about the history of this country promotes class warfare. I stopped speaking to him and moved on(busy day) but he continued to stand there, shaking his head and talking somewhat loudly about how we were promoting class warfare. I could not tell if his white haired mother/aunt was agreeing or was mortally embarrassed by his assholedness. He left but later, the white haired lady with a younger woman came back to actually read that whole section of the exhibit instead of just looking at the illustration(which doesn't mean much if you don't read the captions) I am sorry if presenting facts about the economics of the Us over the past 75 years promotes class warfare. Occupy History!

    • SorosBot

      What museum/exhibit was this that riled the crazy man so much?

      • finallyhappy

        Race- are we so different. NMNH-but I will deny who I am if you come to see me(Wonk- what??). It was the section on the relative wealth of different groups in the US- and in this case, uses housing/mortgages/the GI bill/real estate sales practices to explain(since houses are the largest source of family/personal wealth for most people)

    • Nothingisamiss

      I wonder what led him out of his fox news cubby hole and into a real, live communist museum. Ignorant man should stick with what he knows.

    • GhostBuggy

      Holy shit, you work in a museum? In America? Talk about a thankless task. Hats off to you.

    • memzilla

      Did his head a**-splode when he got to the dinosaurs and didn't see a single Holy Jeebus Saddle™ on display?

  • Callyson

    Dammit, I've got class tonight…maybe I'll check in when I get home. The comments here will be more accurate than anything these clowns say anyway. Enjoy the freak show!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    This shall be an intense debate!

    • RavenRant

      More like a Master Debate. They're all Master Debaters.

    • Beowoof

      Intensely obtuse.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Free walrus penis bones for everybody, courtesy of Don Young!

  • Nesnora

    Isn't breaking bread and eating casseroles with marshmallows in them with my conservative relatives this Thanksgiving enough for one week?!

    But…

    As long as there is some Colorado Cocktail—fuck it—bring on the wartime-foreplay-fantasy talk. At least then I'll forget for a few hours.

    If only they would condense everything down to a list of countries and ask them fuck/marry/kill, this would go so much faster…

    • ThundercatHo

      I have my Xanax (anxiety and/or suppressed rage), Propanolol (blood pressure) and Maxalt (migraine) medicines all laid out in anticipation of hosting my relatives for our day of thanx and stealing this country from it's native inhabitants. Please note I am not a regular, Michele Bachman style pill-gobbler but I do have my "mother's little helper" collection set aside for special occasions.

      • emmelemm

        Nice. It's good to be prepared, think ahead, etc.

    • Nothingisamiss

      If it was fuck/marry/kill, I can tell you Romney'd want to marry more countries than he would fuck, Perry'd want to kill more than he would marry and Newt has been quoted that he would fuck/marry AND kill most of them. Herman has a lot of things twirling around in his head and does not know what you mean by marry or kill.

  • RadiosTyrone

    Whose bringing the vegetable mist?

    • nounverb911

      All of them, Megyn.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I can't wait to hear from Mitt Romney how his life in Paris as a Mormon Missionary during the Viet Nam war prepared him to handle evil foreign powers, as did his need to deal with Vermont while Governor of Massachusetts.

    • nounverb911

      Mitt, were you drunk when you ran your Citroen off the French country road and killed your bosses wife?

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        True story: He was passed out in the back, and Laura Bush was behind the wheel.

        But, wouldn't you love to see the reaction of your normal 'bagger/Conservative crowd if Mittens ever let the words "When I was a Mormon Missionary" out of his mouth. I'm pretty sure some people in the crowd would burst into flames.

        • yyyaz

          I'll supply the marshmallows and sticks.

    • RadiosTyrone

      Kind of like Ho Chi Minh spending time in Paris during the First World War.

      • tcaalaw

        Where he met young Indiana Jones!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Sweet zombie Jesus, another debate?!! I'm pretty sure there were less debates about the Normandy invasion.

    Every time the GOP debates, God kills a kitten.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It should be a fun showdown, what with the Republican beliefs that Iran is a tiny, powerless nation that could be easily invaded and subdued yet is the biggest threat to the world; that President Obama's heavy-handed intervention in Libya was too slow, failed completely and should've been more like Dubya's liberation of Iraq; that energy independence is a national security issue and we should find every possible alternative fuel as long as it's oil, coal or natural gas; that universal healthcare will kill the old and the weak, and the only alternative to it is to actually kill the old and the weak, and that Ronald Reagan was the reincarnation of Jesus. Oh — spoiler alert.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Couldn't make it halfway through the Perry comedy-of-terrors clip. It's effectively putting a stomp on my buzz and I haven't even gotten my buzz on yet.

  • PuglyDoRight

    I want Herman Cain to spell Uzbekistan in Cuban.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    An aging, drunken Gene Simmons impersonator should be the last person making fun of Perry…just sayin'.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Will Herman Can be allowed to bring his advisors with him?

  • Joshua Norton

    Who will be the latest "We hate you less than Mitt Romney" candidate of the week. 'Round and round she goes……

    • Gleem_McShineys

      I am hoping for Santorum.
      I just want to see a headline about "Santorum coming from behind" that is literal, for a change, and not about an (R) and his rentboy.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    STUNT LIVER : ACTIVATE!

  • http://www.facebook.com/groups/227406670645311 Fred_Wertham_Jr

    For those of us who don't (better not) drink, the usual drinking games that go along with these things can make one feel excluded. But BARRELS OF MARIJUANA? That I can do. Thank you, Ken.

    • Millennial Malaise

      I'll take just one of the marijuana barrels AND keep the drinking game. Two birds, one stone(d).

  • DahBoner

    Hasn't even started yet, and these clowns are already bringing me down.

    YOU BEG. YOU STEAL. YOU BORROW…

    • emmelemm

      And now you have to learn?

  • sbj1964

    I love these debates . They are like watching a monkey shit fight at the Zoo !

    • Steverino247

      This IS the monkey shit fight at the zoo.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Will there be fudge packing? And santorum? Sounds messy!

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Sweet Zombie Jeebus it's another episode of US America's Biggest Fuckup?

    Oh well, it's still better than Whitney.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Since this debate is hosted by the Heritage Foundation, every so often will there be a screen crawl telling us how much money they have paid each candidate over the years?

    • Nothingisamiss

      OMFG, Tundra, that would be awesome.

      • Tundra Grifter

        NIA:

        Or maybe a little photo like a mugshot with the dollars right under their faces.

  • Master Janitor V572

    Where's the debate tonight? What's the theme? Who's cablecasting it, and can they top CNN's "Magnificent Seven"/ Marlboro Flavor Country/ model-railroad-scenery intro to The Western Debate?

    Oh goodie, I see it is indeed CNN. Bring on the flying Chyrons of National Defense!

  • Gleem_McShineys

    This is the best one, where Cain talks about pushing China's face into his diplomatic area!

  • Limeylizzie

    I will be taking my dentist-approved Valium at about 7.30pm EST.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Thanks, Limey. I just remembered I haven't taken any of my baby pain killer–it's actually adult, but weak (tramadol, or something) in anticipation of my whirlwind evening. Got slowed down paying fucking bills and dealing with bank statement.

      Since I don't drink, I have to pass by the debate periodically as I walk a few feet from computer to kitchen and back again and I have to watch the idiots while I'm sober. At least there are drugs. Even if they are weak ones.

      • Limeylizzie

        I am also a non-drinker, but I had such fear today as I had to have a molar extracted, so my dentist gave me a dozen valium!

    • user-of-owls

      I can see why you would hide the Valium he gave you for the root canal so you could take it later during a much more angst-producing situation.

      • Limeylizzie

        I took some before the extraction and now I have plenty left, so I can parcel it out for Republican debates.

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh and joy oh bliss, it's on CNN with Wolfie Blitzer, that charismatic devil.

    • mrpuma2u

      We're still away from first quarter of the moon, so we needn't worry that Mr. Blitzer's lycanthropy will flare up and he will help cull the herd of numbskulls. Now THAT would be entertaining.

  • Beowoof

    It is the low rated sitcom of the new season, Shit Republicans Say.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Isn't this one being done on CNN with a group of white supremests? Seems like it was some group right of the Teabaggers, anyway.

  • GhostBuggy

    Ah, damn it, I finished the rum last night. Don't tell me I'll be sitting through this thing with nothing but good old Five O'Clock Vodka.

  • user-of-owls

    Snark aside, you know what the worst thing about their collective caterwauling will be? Each and every one of these cunts will try to out-do the others when it comes to promoting war with Iran. Every last one. Why does this matter? Look back at the fucking Iraq debacle and you'll see that the shrivel-dick brigade started beating the war drum a decade or more before they were actually able to start the slaughter. You keep saying it and saying it and saying it and eventually people begin to think, "Well, we've been talking about attacking Iran for a long time now, maybe it's about time we actually did." One easily manufactured 'crisis' later and *shazaam!*, we annihilate another generation of ours and theirs.

    And that's the worst thing about their collective caterwauling tonight. Well, that and the fact that I can't drink anymore.

    • Ducksworthy

      Who will be the Iranian Curveball? Oh right. They could just use the same guy. That would save billions.

  • io9k9s

    Oh for christ sakes, the fucking mics – why do the jabber heads have to run arount playing Old Navy Sales clerk?

  • HempDogbane

    "the pop band KISS" Hahaha
    "Heritage Foundation" Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha !

  • CapnFatback

    Look, Daddy! Teacher says, "Every time Rick Perry misspeaks, Grampa Kisster sucks his gut in."

  • BarackMyWorld

    Sponsored by the American Enterprise Institute and the Heritage Foundation….because apparently the John Birch Society has too much dignity to be associated with this mess.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      apparently the John Birch Society has too much dignity to be associated with this mess

      Jeebus falls to his knees and wails.

      • yyyaz

        He ought to, what with the influence he has had in these asshats' odious politics.

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh my fucking eyes, Ari Fleischer is on the panel at CNN.

  • Limeylizzie

    Jesus, they are trying to make them sound impressive.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Urk… why don't I learn? WHY DON'T I LEARN!!!????!!

    i.e., yeah, I'm watching.

  • datateday

    No quote from Rick Santorum? Fetuses want to go to war too you know…

  • Limeylizzie

    Look at all the white people applauding.The lack of melanin is blinding.

  • DustBowlBlues

    My night is already shit. How can these dickheads make it worse? I have floaters in the other eye now, and those light arcs in both eyes so darkness is like a scifi show.

    About that opening–what is this, WWII? Oh, Ronnie Rayguns winning the cold war with that speech.

  • Limeylizzie

    One-L is wearing white tights with black shoes, faux-pas indeed.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, look at the Newt stroll. I hope he gets it, to seen the look on Mittens' face. Ugh . . . both Mitts' faces.

  • Limeylizzie

    Another crazy high collar from Rick Perry.

  • Limeylizzie

    A lone, homo-spanic is singing.

  • sbj1964

    National security? The greatest threat to our country is if one of these clowns gets elected.Crystal-ball says they will have a write in candidate my guess Tobey Keith?

  • DustBowlBlues

    If at least one of them doesn't tear up during the anthem, they can all STFU.

  • Limeylizzie

    Look at Santorum with his head all angled up toward heaven.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Nationa Anthem…Pledge of Allegiance…and now, the ritual sacrifice of a poor black child to our Lord and Savior, Grover Norquist.

    • mayor_quimby

      Did I miss the ceremonial clubbing of a baby seal?

  • ThundercatHo

    Mitt's programming apparently instructs him to lip-synch the nat'l anthem.

  • Millennial Malaise

    Has Michele ever addressed her obsession with wearing white? Does she thinks it makes her look young or angelic? News flash, you're an eyesore!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh, Lord, why do I do this to myself.

    Wonkette and alcohol. The only way to get through.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I like how in the open they talked about War, with all kinds of different scenes of fucking shit up with machines of death, and Peace, with one clip of a couple guys shaking hands.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I'll see your wife, Rick, and raise you a slew of grandkids."

  • Limeylizzie

    How cool would it be if Herman showed his cock to One-L?

  • Millennial Malaise

    NATIONAL SECURITY IS NOT THE PRESIDENTS NUMBER ONE RESPONSIBILITY. Defending the constitution is. Ugh, most annoying Rethug zombie myths.

  • mayor_quimby

    Are they all saying how long they have been married to stick it to Newtie?

  • Nothingisamiss

    I, too, want to send my very special happy thanksgiving day…….WTF?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    CNN has already made me drink just getting to their dumbazz feed to work.

    FVCKERS!

    And no I don't want to Octagonize my pc.
    ~

  • Nothingisamiss

    Again, I understand that a single, childless adult is not an American to these people.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Huntsman: And my daughters are smokin' hot. Top that with your Amish-looking kids, Santorum.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    You can stick the SPY ON AMERICANS ACT up your ass, CNN.
    ~

  • Nothingisamiss

    The "Honorable Ed Meese?" Fucking kidding me, right?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt plays the fear card.
    Mushroom clouds!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Newt is talking about the plot of a 24 episode, right?

  • Nothingisamiss

    Wow, Newtie's had a little botox.

  • mayor_quimby

    Please, join the witty banter ova heeah – http://wonkette.chatango.com/
    Was that New Hampshire speak?

  • Nothingisamiss

    Gawd, how I hate Michele. She would lock us all up.

    • datateday

      We'd all get sent to Wonkatraz :-(

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And into your cell would come Marcus, with leather and whips.

  • ThundercatHo

    Newt: Torture terror suspects
    Ron P: Don't throw out the baby with the amniotic fluid
    One L: We have cell phones now
    Jon Jon: Blah blah blah
    Mitzy: That hair is fucking facinating
    Ricky: Non-union thugs should molest you at the airport
    Frothy: Molest brown people cuz Lincoln did it
    Hermie: Kill or identify muslins, Blitz

  • datateday

    You're not getting one pinny, Pakistan. Not a single pin.

  • sbj1964

    Republicans claim that the President can't lead ? The current congress is like herding cats. How can you lead a nation when these Bozo's in congress do nothing but obstruct,and purposely try to destroy our nation to win political points.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Is this clusterfuck at least going have a happy ending?

    • datateday

      It's going to end with a Bachmann/Huntsman blowdryer battle!

  • datateday

    Ron Paul shot a hoop there!

  • datateday

    Of course Cain is an expert at cyber-communications — how else could he have communications with Chef Boyardee?!?

  • ttommyunger

    That one ad: the one with the hairy knees, the wrinkled hands groping them…I am at once repulsed, yet strangely aroused; I can't take my eyes off of them….What will happen next? Stay tuned.