MEDICAL MYSTERIES  3:54 pm November 22, 2011

Alaska Rep. Suffers Brain Aneurysm (?) When Treehugger Speaks To Him

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Woaaaah, hey there! Here is a chilling video of Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska) giving himself an actual lobotomy in front of a C-SPAN camera, or maybe just suffering from severe constipation, or having an aneurysm, but in any case something pretty awful is going on with him because his eyes are so bulged out of his head they are about to knock his spectacles off and he is screaming, a lot. The cause, however, is less mysterious: a Rice University wildlife preservation historian spoke up to correct Young’s misstatement of his name during a House Natural Resources Committee hearing. HOW DARE HEEEEEE.

*Gurgle pop.*

Young “informs” (spews words along with flecks of his own tongue at) this historian, Dr. Douglas Brinkley, that “I can call you anything I want if you sit in that chair,” because Young dreams at night that he is a powerful tyrant.

The context for this mysterious bout of apoplexy is that Republicans are again holding hearings to investigate opening the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling, because in Young’s words, “the Arctic plain is really nothing” and it sucks and would be much more attractive if it looked like a giant piece of Swiss cheese stained with poop-colored streaks.

MinnPost reporter Don Shelby asked Brinkley, an award-winning author of many books on conservation, if he was at all surprised by Young’s insane behavior:

Brinkley told me he knew that Congressman Young, at another hearing, had waved a walrus penis bone at Mollie Beattie, the incoming chief of the Fish and Wildlife Service. Brinkley may have read the Rolling Stone article about Young that quotes the congressman as saying, “Environmentalists are a self-centered bunch of waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots.” The quote continues, “[They] are not Americans, never have been Americans and never will be Americans.”

Ha ha and our second-favorite moment in the video is at 1:03, when Young wiggles his flabby head like an earthworm being electrocuted in its anus. [YouTube/MinnPost]

 
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{ 256 comments }

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 3:56 pm

It's spelled "Luxury Yacht," Congressman, but it's pronounced "Throat Warbler Mangrove"!

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

You're a very silly man and I'm not going to testify for you Congressman.

Lascauxcaveman November 22, 2011 at 5:03 pm

But I am a good friend of Mr. & Mrs Sniveling Little Ratfaced Git!

starfanglednut November 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

I want to be on television!

Pat_Pending November 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Well, you can't!

Nopantsmcgee November 22, 2011 at 4:20 pm

You're anti-Semitic!

Generation[redacted] November 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm

ANWR isn't real, it's made of polystyrene!

nounverb911 November 22, 2011 at 3:56 pm

"Young wiggles his flabby head like an earthworm being electrocuted in its anus"
David Vitter is jealous.

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Behold, America: your national legislature at work, seeking facts upon which to base their wise decisions.

It's hard for we lower-48'ers to imagine the contempt with which most Alaskans view any expression of concern for the environment, but this helps!

An Alaskan hierarchy of Important Things:

(1) Guns
(2) Hunting and fishing
(3) Jeebus & allied entities
(4) Handguns
(5) Ammunition
(6) Federal jobs
(7) Permanent Fund handouts

nounverb911 November 22, 2011 at 4:01 pm

(8) Meth.

Geminisunmars November 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

This should be much higher up on your list.

teebob2000 November 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm

(9) Walrus penis bones

MaxNeanderthal November 22, 2011 at 4:19 pm

10) Moose fucking

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Do you mean "moose fucking by some perverted guy" or "moose fucking as seen on TLC and the Discovery Channel"?

MaxNeanderthal November 22, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Both the former and the "humanely euthanased by helicopter riding fatfux equipped with large calibre surrogate cocks" fucked…

GhostBuggy November 22, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Leave Bristol out of this!

snoopyfan2010 November 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Thanks for the long explanation, but that only proves that they are narrow minded and lack the ability to think logically through an issue. If they love their way of life so much, they should be able to put two and two together and figure out that it wouldn't last unless they protect it. They are as stupid as people who move out the the latest suburban master planned community because it is in the country and far from the city. But those same people don't realize that by moving out there they encourage the same urbanization that they say they want to get away from. If these people were living on an indian reservation following the same lifestyle as those who lived there centuries before, I would buy that argument. But these people don't care as much for the land as they do the idea of calling the land their own. Those are two different things. One is self less and the other is selfish. Sorry for the long post.

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Not defending, just essplaining.

snoopyfan2010 November 22, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I know but I always assume all redheads are argumentative. It's a stereotype I like to hold on to.

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Brinkley told me he knew that Congressman Young, at another hearing, had waved a walrus penis bone at Mollie Beattie, the incoming chief of the Fish and Wildlife Service.

Herman Cain's running mate!

Callyson November 22, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Nah, Pizza Man won't welcome the competition.

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Pepper spray him

Biel_ze_Bubba November 22, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Pepper spray is a vegetable.

tihond November 22, 2011 at 3:58 pm

What's happening to the lady behind Young at :44?

Fare la Volpe November 22, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Diarrhea by proxy.

weejee November 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm

She had a fecal aneurism over Dr. Rice Brinkley essentially telling her boss to FOAD.

GunToting[Redacted] November 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I'd like to hope that it's cunnilingus, but she's probably just shocked at this dipshit's behavior.

Steverino247 November 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I think her boyfriend just hit the wrong hole.

flamingpdog November 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm

She realized she still had the walrus penis bone up her hoo-hoo.

valgal2342 November 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

It dawned on her that she's interning for a total asshole.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Hey, Butthead! What happened to the blonde chick – she got all big eye'd n' stuff?

Um, Uh, I think the guy behind her just got a surprise boner. huhuhuhuhuhuh…

Yeah, yeah, he got a woodrow! Boooiiiing! Huhuhuhuhuhuh….

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Good to see that Alaska has a suitable replacement in the halls of congress for that egregious asshole, dead Ted Stevens.

Jukesgrrl November 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Please keep this one away from the Tubez.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Here's another blast from the past:
http://wonkette.com/403925/don-young-predicts-ted

“I can remember Richard Nixon, you know, his years of service, what he’s done, and everybody [was] ridiculing him, and he ended up being the greatest president in the history of our century. … The Senator will be re-elected. He will appeal it. When he does go, he will win it because there’s no way this is a jury of his peers.”

Maman November 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Remind Rep. Young that Nixon created the EPA.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Damn Tree-Hugger!

northernbassist November 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I prefer to remind him that he was beaten by a DEAD GUY in his first congressional race. Nick Begich, who was our congressman, went missing after a plane crash in October of 1972. The election results from November of that year showed Begich with 56.2% of the vote–Young got 43.8%.

BerkeleyBear November 22, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Mark Begich's dad? Or relative of some kind?

emmelemm November 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

What's interesting about that article is that it predicts Rep. Young will be ousted. Clearly, we can see that he was not. Sad…

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm

At least Stevens was ousted, though; before his plane decided to permanently oust him.

flamingpdog November 22, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Will Rogers LIBEL!!

undeterredbyreality November 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Dr. Rice should ask his sister, Condoleeza, to come down hard on this guy.

fletc3her November 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I love it when Congresspeople get all pissy about being respected. Well, Rep. Young, I'm laughing out loud here at your embarrassing performance in this hearing. You, sir, are an idiot.

MaxUdargo November 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

You listen to me! I'll call you Professor Rice if I want to! I'll say you COULD work in the private sector even though you've just said you DO work in the private sector! Don't say I wasn't here when I was in the other room! And I'll reach back and grab this young lady on her inner thigh anytime I like! What do you think I hired her for? Fuck this. Come on honey, let's go find some booze and some privacy!

Tommy1733 November 23, 2011 at 4:36 pm

YES!

NorthStarSpanx November 23, 2011 at 10:33 pm

It's not like Dr. Rice yelled out "You Lie," during the Congressman's opening statement. . .

ManchuCandidate November 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Dear Corrupt Congress Blubbering sack of Walrus Shit Young.

Why do you act like a man with a small dick?

Gleem_McShineys November 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm

He is a professional method actor. Look at the way he shriveled his penis up to perform that role authentically!

Maman November 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

He is what he is…

Biel_ze_Bubba November 22, 2011 at 8:33 pm

You go into a Congressional hearing with the dick you have…

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

i've known many conservationist types and not a damn one of them has ever stomp a waffle.

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Not even Mitt down at Der Waffle Haus?

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

well, he is a RINO with his Romneycare and Mormon Grain Silo/Space Rocket. maybe he's a conservationist, too? at least when he needs to be to get votes?

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Well, I mean, he does conserve companies that pollute the env–

OK, I confess. I misread the post.

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm

i thought maybe. it's ok.

conservatives on the other hand? they're always stomping waffles.

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:06 pm

the asshole misuses the term, "waffle-stompers" is an old term for hiking boots, with their fancy newfangled 'soles" made of "rubber" or "vibram," and which leave footprints that look like waffles. I think its a term of derision used by the huntin' boot and workboot crowd, against the high-tech prissy faggy intellectual idiot hikers with their eye-talian hiking boots.

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

oh! so like that scene in Falling Down? thanks! i feel like Young would know less about boots than hikers, though, seeing as he couldn't poor piss out of one and has an incredible amount of disdain for those who can.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm

So wait, it's some outdated old-timey slang that almost no one is going to understand? Don Young must be smoking Dutch cleanser.

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm

"Old" like the 70s, I think.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Old old then; I was alive for part of the 70s, and I'm old now.

Lascauxcaveman November 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm

In any regards, you'd think Young would think twice about dissing any kind of rugged outdoor footwear. He's supposedly from Alaska, right? People from Alaska are generally regarded to be comfortable in the rugged, great outdoors? "Outdoorsmen," so to speak. Pride themselves on it. Aren't "waffle stompers" an ingrained and permanent icon of Alaska's image?

WHY DOES DON YOUNG HATE ALASKA?

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Because he live in DC.

theotherjimmyolson November 22, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Thanx for the update. I vas vundering aboud dat.

Fare la Volpe November 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

You dadgum kids git off my lawn! You're blocking the oil drill!

*hock, pting*

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

How dare people listen to a bunch of Harvard-graduating intellectuals! We should only listening to the advice of drooling uninquisitive morons.

Fare la Volpe November 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

drooling uninquisitive morons

The correct term is "constituents."

emmelemm November 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I believe the term is "Congresscritters."

nounverb911 November 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

W?

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm

No one ever accused W – or any legacy admissions or B-schoolers really – of being an intellectual.

flamingpdog November 22, 2011 at 5:26 pm

T?

Oh, sorry, wrong Wonkette post.

CommieLibunatic November 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Fuckin' intellectuals, whadda THEY know!?

Jukesgrrl November 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I think that should be "welfare-gobbling drooling uninquisitive morans." Otherwise, well-said.

Maman November 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I thought that "drooling uninquisitive morons " are what America great?

outragedcitizen November 23, 2011 at 8:11 am

Ah, you mean like the drooling uninquisitive morans that work for Faux Nudes – Limberger, O'Really, etc.

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Don't sweat it…rice is an organic food product.

privatejoker77 November 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Should have tried harder to get Douchebag-(R)'s brain to pop.

ManchuCandidate November 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

What brain?

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:07 pm

serious. notice the dead eyes? i think Young just has a Speak & Spell programmed with Right Wing jibber jabber wired to his voice box.

tihond November 22, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Would America be willing to give Alaska back to Russia if it meant never hearing from Lou Sarah, Joe Miller, and Rep. Young again?

Geminisunmars November 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm

But would Russia take it if they were part of the package?

freddymcmurray November 23, 2011 at 12:06 am

THEN who would be the commie pinko? Sarah, that's who!

gurukalehuru November 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Yes.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Oh, and Rep. Young; speaking as both an environmentalist and an intellectual, yes I fucking am an American, have always been an American, and will be an American. Fuck you and your anti-American fascistic bullshit calling people who disagree with you not American.

flamingpdog November 22, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Why does Rep. Young hate waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual Idiotistan America?

kateinmt November 22, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Please send your comments as a letter to Rep. Young, Soros, and sign my name to it, too.

snoopyfan2010 November 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

You know who else didn't think that certain people were really American?

yyyaz November 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Leif Ericson?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 22, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Andrew Jackson?

freddymcmurray November 23, 2011 at 12:07 am

white people?

TanzbodenKoenig November 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Well said

Oblios_Cap November 23, 2011 at 8:02 am

I saw a bumper sticker warning "beware liberals posing as Americans". I had not realized that citizens were allowed to perform only Right-thinking, but I'm not terribly surprised.

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Needz moar spittle.

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm

that's what Marcus said.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Don't we all…

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

"Intellectual idiots." Yeah, being smart is so dumb, so fuck all ya'll fucking stupid smarty-pants eeeee-leeeet intellectual morons.

theotherjimmyolson November 22, 2011 at 8:33 pm

It's difficult to wrap your mind around what rep. Young is saying, but then I am used to dealing with people who are, you know, sane.

Dumbedup November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

What collective fit of spite motivates citizens to elect such a buffoon? And he's clearly not alone in that building, there are dozens and dozens of oafish morons making the nations policy. WTF!!!!!!!

Geminisunmars November 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Huh?

Gratuitous World November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

smells like burnt beard hair.

__kth__ November 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm

The accounts of this awesome exchange keep referring to Douglas Brinkley as something like "this guy". But he's on TV a lot, generally in the PBS fora you might see Michael Beschloss or Doris Kearns Goodwin (am I the only Wonket who watches that stuff? probably).

You will only hear fairly anodyne national greatness history on those shows, which of course means that Brinkley is a communist in the eyes of an illiterate like Rep. Young.

SayItWithWookies November 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Wonkette is a veritable hotbed of PBS viewers, if you weren't aware. Why Saturday night I was all set to turn in when my local public TV station aired a rebroadcast of a guy who raised sixteen wild turkeys for a year — and it was riveting.

Geminisunmars November 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

There you go, being one of them PBS swilling suito intelektuals.

Dudleydidwrong November 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Doug Brinkley has done a great deal to make history relevant, enjoyable, and analytic. Read his "The Magic Bus" some time. I'm sure that Don Young, (R) Alaska has read it and understands what makes history relevant.

"What? Young can't read? Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to pick on someone who is obviously, well, you know, that R……. word." (How did that fucking dork get elected?)

CrunchyKnee November 22, 2011 at 4:04 pm

HEEENNNNGGGHHHH!!!!!

Douchetard is douchie, even for Alaskan standards.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm

They can have my walrus penis bone when they pry it from my cold dead hands.

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Walruses have actual bones in their penises? Awesome–better than Cialis!

GunToting[Redacted] November 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I had a biology professor in college who had a pair of earrings made from (I believe) otter penis bones. I think the scientific term is "baculum."

Fare la Volpe November 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Actually, humans are one of the few mammals for whom the term "boner" is not anatomically correct.

YasserArraFeck November 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Contrary to popular biblical convention, when God made Woman, he didn't use Adam's rib bone…but the writers of Genesis were uncomfortable using the word "dick".

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

i'd say something about penile implants but we don't need to discuss the process by which someone becomes an elected official.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Or a Congressional Intern.

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Have you seen the walrus auto-fellatio video? I never tire of it, laughs galore.

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

If you take away our walrus' penises then only the walruses will have them.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I am the walrus penis bone; goo goo ga-joob.

jqheywood November 22, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Eewwh…goo EVERYwhere..

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

L[r]Esq.:

Too bad the walrus penis bone wasn't still attached to the walrus.

Now, that would have been quite entertaining!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 22, 2011 at 4:06 pm

You know, if the Republicans are really set on destroying the Arctic, they should propose turning it into strip clubs, liquor stores and Taco Bells. Who would oppose them then?

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Add in meth labs, and you are talking Wasilla.

Joshua Norton November 22, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Historians have monopolized history for TOO LONG!!

GunToting[Redacted] November 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Why the fuck would someone stomp on a waffle?

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:14 pm

i think that's how you make pancakes.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Joe Walsh knows…

(not the one that hates his kids)

MaxUdargo November 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Seriously. What the fuck does that even mean? I mean, it makes a kind of sense I guess, because I suppose that waffles do look stomped upon, but I didn't know it had anything to do with hippies.

elviouslyqueer November 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

"You don't know me, but I pay your salary." ZING.

Also, way to show Congressional decorum by stomping out of the chamber, Rep. Young (R-Petulant Pouty Douchebag).

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Intellectual idiot? That's an oxymoran isn't it?

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

QUICK SOMEONE PUT A WALLET IN HIS MOUTH SO HE DOESN'T BITE HIS TOUNG OFF.

Jukesgrrl November 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

He would prefer a big wad of Exxon dollars.

widestanceshakedown November 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

That walrus penis bone would have come in handy.

LesBontemps November 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Why would you want to deprive us of that pleasant sight?

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

This guy might be suffering from a nutritional deficiency that has his moods all in disarray. Maybe a balanced diet would help him calm down, he needs more vegetables, is what I am guessing. The right thing to do would be to treat him to a nice vegetable spray, I think, that should address his inappropriate rage problem.

RadiosTyrone November 22, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Sorry Prommie you beat me by a red pubic hair.

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

The finest measurement known to man.

Beanball November 22, 2011 at 11:19 pm

"Vegetable spray"

I see what you did there, Prommie

RadiosTyrone November 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Maybe he got a "vegetable misting."

nounverb911 November 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Someone threw a pizza at him?

Urban_Achiever November 22, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Why should we be surprised? This is a man whose wife tortures interns

Chillwaver November 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I love the way Rep. Douchenozzle quickly takes off at the end of the video, prolly on his way to club a few dozen baby seals…

philpjfry November 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm

What a fucking bully. He is the best example of what is wrong with congress. Jackass cocksucker. I wish I lived in Alaska so I could vote for his opponent. No I don't I never want to live in Alasaka. Jerkoff

bikerlaureate November 22, 2011 at 5:04 pm

What would be inappropriate, really, about putting this buffoon's performance in a competitor's TV ad ?

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Maybe someone can quote him (Barry) and then Romney can use it.

bikerlaureate November 22, 2011 at 5:33 pm

This made no sense until I read the day's other stories here. Wonkette is relentlessly sequential.

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

philpifry:

Just because we don't live in Alaska doesn't mean we all can't kick in a couple of bucks to the warchest of whoever runs against him.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 22, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Heck … incorporate, and as a "person too" you can contribute all you want, endlessly and anonymously.

Gleem_McShineys November 22, 2011 at 4:19 pm

What's the matter, Anger Bear? Do the facts continue to stay put, regardless of how much shout juice you spray on them?

(Is that a walrus penisbone in your pocket or are you just apoplectic to see me?)

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Rep. Young: "Apoplectic?! Now you are just making up words."

Gleem_McShineys November 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm

It is a real word, Mr. Young. If you hadn't clogged up all your tubes that Ted Stevens left you with all that "walrus penis" stuff, you could look it up.

e_z November 22, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Just another day for the humble public servent from Alaska. The best part is when he took his ball and left the commttee room.

What an absolute turd ball of flesh and facial fuzz.

orygoon November 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Welfare queen 'ho.

dadanarchist November 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm

If you are an historian and want to be respected by Congress, you must make at least $1.8 million per year.

gingerland62 November 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Or pay me that amount.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm

“Environmentalists are a self-centered bunch of waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots.” The quote continues, “[They] are not Americans, never have been Americans and never will be Americans.”

Well, hating the fact that God gave us this beautiful planet to live in HARMONY with and to PARTAKE in… not to toxify beyond all recognition… and, if America is a product of Christianity (as so many of you seem to think) then they are ABSOLUTELY better Americans than you!

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Shut up! And were is your flag pin. MOOOOSLUM TERRORIST!

Nesnora November 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I believe he's more of the line "God gave us dominion over the earth and it's creatures to fuck the everloving-shit-out-of until we can force "Jesus Part 2: The Apocalypse" to happen in my specific lifetime so all my shitty religion-based-viewpoints are magically validated before I perish with nothing but a walrus penis-joke as my contribution towards humanity."

SayItWithWookies November 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

“[They] are not Americans, never have been Americans and never will be Americans.”

And if your ex-governor and her hubby had their way, you wouldn't be an American either, asshole.

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

You guys got fished in. This is like when Kaufman went on Letterman with Jerry "The King" Lawler. It's a piece of performance art. So uncultured.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I still await the comeback of Andy… the ultimate joke… it's gonna be good.

Nesnora November 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

I'm sorry, but all I could see is some bored blonde deciding to eye-(hate)fuck the shit out of me…

GunToting[Redacted] November 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Yeah, I'd hit that.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Don Shelby was a very popular anchor man on the TeeVee here in Minnesota. He just retired recently. Good to see he's pointing out the political BS. I always had the feeling he was holding back on the boob tube.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Let's give Alaska back to the Eskimos.

paris biltong November 22, 2011 at 5:49 pm

It was known as Russian America before the 1867 Purchase. Let's give it back to THEM.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Dude is concentric, i.e. a perfect asshole. I guess it makes sense that the biggest state would give birth to the biggest assholes.

Wilcoxyz November 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

They should have resolved this with pepper spray at 10 paces.

Generation[redacted] November 22, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Is it lunchtime already?

memzilla November 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

As emailed:

Prof. Brinkley:

It was a *pleasure* watching you stand up to Rep. Don Young (R-Exxon) on C-SPAN.

[http://wonkette.com/456947/alaska-gop-rep-suffers-brain-aneurysm-when-treehugger-speaks-to-him#idc-cover]

I thoroughly enjoyed watching him drive off in an eight-cylinder huff after you confronted him with the self evident.

Thanks from many citizens.

MaxNeanderthal November 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm

The smell of fear rises wetly from this dribbling, wrinkled, old, shitsack- fear that his entire value system and world view is as erroneous and ignorant as belief in a flat earth, UFO abductions and religions…

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

“I can call you anything I want if you sit in that chair…"

You can call me anything you want… until I get out of this fucking chair… then you had better call an ambulance.

emmelemm November 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

OK, I didn't watch the video with sound, because I'm at work, but I wanted to see the guy's head explode a la Videodrome.

What I do notice, however, is that Mr. Brinkley is sitting there with A GIANT FUCKING NAMEPLATE right in front of him. Presumably to aid the fucking Congresscritters in remembering who they're speaking to.

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm
emmelemm November 22, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Mea maxima culpa, and now I can't edit my post. :)

I blame the brain aneurysm I suffered after Rep. Young's behavior.

Gleem_McShineys November 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

You were mostly right, because Representative Young does figuratively stick a walrus peen bone into himself, very much like that scene in Videodrome.

poncho_pilot November 23, 2011 at 1:59 am

for what it's worth, as a big of a Cronenberg fan as i am, i assumed you were correct and i had forgotten an exploding head scene in Videodrome. i just posted the one from Scanners because it really is great. well, i always lol but i'm a bit morbid.

Geminisunmars November 22, 2011 at 4:47 pm

What, you want him to read as well as legislate?

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm

He's like Hermicain… He don't like to read.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Please. Videodrome was the Cronenborg movie where the James Woods character shoots himself in the head (and that's probably the least weird moment in the whole movie). Scanners is the Cronenborg movie where the Michael Ironside character uses his mind-control powers to make the Louis del Grande character's head explode.

If Wonketteers don't keep their splattering-brain movies straight, who will? We have a responsibility to the world, people!

emmelemm November 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm

I know! I already maxima culpa'd. It's important to keep the splattering-brain movies straight.

poncho_pilot November 23, 2011 at 2:02 am

don't forget Total Recall:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PxNVGnibok&fe

a lovely movie featuring the poor man's Jack Nicholson, Michael Ironside.

Thurman Munster IV November 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Ah, yes, I remember the Cuntley and Brinkley Report.

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

maybe Young needs to try trepanation. they could drill, baby, drill a hole in his skull and let off some pressure.

Chillwaver November 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Next time they'll bring a real "Historian," like Newt, for example.

sbj1964 November 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

That congressman makes South Parks Erik Cartman look reasonable."Screw you guys I'm going home."

MaxNeanderthal November 22, 2011 at 4:52 pm

A certain resemblance to;… http://youtu.be/kHiDhERvJ4I

bikerlaureate November 22, 2011 at 5:07 pm

The less time that troll spends in a committee chamber, the better off we'll all be…

franco_pinyon November 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Like a dick with eyeballs.

anniegetyerfun November 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Aaaand now I will revert to watching only lesbian porn.

Wait, how is that different from five minutes ago?

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm

If he was my 7 year old I smack him and say "shut the hell up! The grown ups are talking"

gingerland62 November 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

This is a perfect clip for 6th grade Civics Class, Democracy in action.

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Some time ago I researched this issue. Based on Federal government figures (and not taking the best or worst case projections) producing oil in ANWR could, in twenty or so years, reduce the price of a gallon of gasoline about twenty-five cents.

IF domestic US oil production doesn't result in the Middle East oil countries simply reduce what they put on the world market. In which case, it could actually cause the price of oil to go up, as those nations seek to keep the same revenue steam while selling less oil.

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

What the fuck is fucking wrong with this fucking fuck?

Jukesgrrl November 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm

What Brinkley's vitae says, what Don Young read:

PhD from Georgetown University (Jesuit radical)
Former professor at Hofstra (Jewish radical)
Former professor at Princeton (elitist radical)
Professor at Rice (radical radical)
Member of the Council on Foreign Relations (Communist radical)
Consultant to CBS (left-wing media radical)
Contributing editor to Vanity Fair (Hollywood radical)
Author of six New York Time Notable Books (New York radical)
Resident of Austin, Texas (hippie radical)
Executor of Hunter Thompson's literary estate (drug-addicted radical)
Editor of the best-selling Ronald Reagan Diaries (HUH??!??!)

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Editor of the best-selling Ronald Reagan Diaries (Alzheimer's sufferer)

Millennial Malaise November 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Oh my gawd, did anyone pick up the other zinger hidden in the crosstalk?

From Brinkley: "It's Dr Brinkley. Rice is the university. I know you went to Yuba College and couldn't graduate." It seems harsh, but hard to tell what else that line could be. Either way, I fully support our intellectual class shining a light on all pea-brained congresscritters.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Yep, that's what he said. Though I was a bit surprised that Brinkley reacted so strongly. Just because before he had heard Brinkley utter one word, the Congresstooge called what Brinkley was about to say "garbage", confused Brinkley's name and his university, and called Brinkley's upcoming testimony "a waste of time". Those Texas academics are so touchy!

theairroom November 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I was delighted to see how Rep. Young treated this commoner, because if I saw it, then so did a lot of other people, and a lot of people need to see what kind of men and women they elect, and how these people behave when they think nobody much is watching. I can understand, though, how it would make you really testy, carrying the weight of knowing that your every action is to stab in the back those who voted for you, and is to benefit the richest and most powerful. That would be very hard for a normal person, with any character, to live with.

FlownOver November 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Re: Brinkley (with thanks to Levon Helm)

I can't take the way he writes, but I love to hear him talk.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm

And Young makes my gag reflex throb to the bottom of my feet.

Indiepalin November 22, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Brinkley's lucky he only crossed Don Young. Cap'n Phil would've had him keelhauled.

DerrickWildcat November 22, 2011 at 5:06 pm

On Saturday my Mom gave me a couple of dollars to go to the store and get a bag of rice. So I'm thinking, I get the cheapest bag there is and I'll have enough leftover to buy a candy bar and then I say the lady didn't give me a receipt or I lose the receipt.
Wow, did you know that there were so many kinds of rice! I did not know this. There were about a million different kinds.
So if this guy is a teacher at a school that only teaches stuff about rice, I'd say he would have to be one of the smartest guys in the world. I would believe whatever he was talking about.

seppdecker November 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Too bad Young wasn't on that plane with Stevens.

Rotundo_ November 22, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Hey, We're talking Alaska here, sooner or later he'll either die of alcoholism or a plane crash. Just so it's sooner rather than later…

Callyson November 22, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I love how the blonde woman sitting behind Don Young is quietly freaking out…
"Should I call someone? Should I run and hide?"
All of 'em, Katie…

Beanball November 22, 2011 at 11:28 pm

She was definitely looking for an exit; either that, or hoping none of her college friends see her up there behind that shitstain of a "public servent."

Pres.Libunatic November 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Brinkley is an old friend of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and his literary executor. Young is one of those career politicians that the good Dr. made a career out of mocking and cursing. Somewhere, in some dimension of space/time, Dr. Gonzo is laughing his ass off at Young. Cazart!

rickmaci November 22, 2011 at 5:20 pm

These elected asshats are so used to being treated as the self anointed royalty that they haven't the faintest idea how to relate to the citizens they supposedly represent.

bflrtsplk November 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm

If you stomp a waffle, you get it all over the soles of your shoes, then you track it on the carpet of the living room, then mom yells at you and … you know the rest.

SaintRond November 22, 2011 at 5:31 pm

I called this woman a cunt once and while she was looking for a response her nose started bleeding.

Peace… God bless…

Sassomatic November 22, 2011 at 5:32 pm

"The quote continues, '[They] are not Americans, never have been Americans and never will be Americans.'"

I guess at a certain IQ cutoff level, you are officially disqualified from American Citizenship forever. Makes sense.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Well, he don't like Nacho Cheese and don't own no Hover-Round… so he ain't no 'Merican.

DahBoner November 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Yeah, the last time I tried to enjoy a stack at my local IHOP, some waffle-stomping punks came in and tore up the joint…

trubador1 November 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

The GOPers seem to think that anger trumps intellect always and forever, but the days when people were put off by their outbursts are over. What a pleasure to see an academic–and an ecologist, no less–give it back in spades.

valgal2342 November 22, 2011 at 5:45 pm

You can take an ANWR survey on Don Young's web site but if you do you have to submit to receiving update emails from him. Guess I'll write an old fashioned letter instead with some bogus return address.

owhatever November 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Don Young: Six generations of a blubber diet.

imissopus November 22, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Today we are all walrus penis bones.

Seriously, I'm having trouble with the audio (as in it's not working,) but Douglas Brinkley? The Pulitzer Prize winner who has written on topics as diverse as Hurricane Katrina, Rosa Parks, and Teddy Roosevelt? One of the most respected historians in the country? The poor guy had to actually sit there and be lectured by the likes of Don Young? I so cherish our democracy.

Limeylizzie November 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Jesus Christ, what is wrong with that man? David Brinkley is awesome, I would have punched that cunt.

BklynIlluminati November 22, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Somebody call an exorcist!

Generation[redacted] November 22, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Teddy Roosevelt never was an American, and never will be!

glamourdammerung November 22, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Representative Young could not possibly be as arrogant as Nobama though. Look at his skin.

snoopyfan2010 November 22, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Yes, we do pay his salary. And I want to fire him too.

OccupytheDashboard November 22, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Walrus penises have a bone in them? Fuck…the dudes are insatiable!

valgal2342 November 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Brian Williams must read Wonkette.

Antispandex November 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

This is so unfair! When the man said, "boring and flat", he was talking about the women in his district, not the landscape.

user-of-owls November 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Ahem. I'll have you know that Dr. Owls is a proud graduate of Rice University.

And yes, you may bow down before me as it is only fitting.

p.s. Our athletic teams are known as the Fightin' Brinkleys.

Dok-cupy Everything November 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

I also like that Young assumed that Brinkley is a public employee–he appears to be unaware that there are "private sector" universities at all, let alone that Rice is one.

Goooooooooooo BRINKLEYS!!

user-of-owls November 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Better still?

1) They bleed money;
2) Lots of that money came from….oil;
3) They are renowned for charging ludicrously low tuition (lower than in-state at UTexas!) and they only charge that for the relatively smallish number of 1%-ers they take in!

You only think that cunt had an aneurysm before…wait til he tries to cut all 'government funding' of Rice U! Gimme a B, gimme an R, gimme an I…

northernbassist November 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm

I believe the medical standard for 'brain aneurysm' requires a brain being involved. Clearly not the case with Young, or as we like to call him, "The Congressman For All Alaska, except anybody who didn't vote for him."

BarackMyWorld November 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Brinkley is a very accomplished historian with an acclaimed international reputation so of course the dumbass didn't know who he was.

NYNYNYjr November 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Ha ha. I forgot about that guy. Alaska is sure good at finding the whiniest bags of shit possible to elect, huh?

Fox News Poll:
O The Arctic Refuge is Real / Belongs to the American People
O The Arctic Refuge was an Acid Dream / Belongs to Citibank
O Not Sure

starfanglednut November 22, 2011 at 7:19 pm

No.

starfanglednut November 22, 2011 at 7:23 pm

"“Environmentalists…are not Americans, never have been Americans and never will be Americans.”

Yeah, cause it's so un American to love the land and want to preserve it. Idiots.

Beowoof November 22, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Typical, when you can't baffle a smart guy with your bullshit, just scream at him.

starfanglednut November 22, 2011 at 7:27 pm

1. Blather on and on about rights for the unborn.

2. Destroy planet on which said unborn would live.

3. Profit!

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I’ve spent some time in Alaska and known some people there, and they love that spectacular environment in a deep way. They’ve more or less chosen to give up comfortable office jobs and mild winters to live in what they see as the last place on earth where you can live “the way God intended you to.” They like the hunting and fishing, sure, and they know their way around in the wild better than most people do. They see gun control and environmental regulations as bigger threats to their way of life—which has no traffic jams and vast open spaces and traditionally friendly frontier people who mostly know each other—than degradation of game species from oil spills or rural sprawl or indiscriminate logging or overfishing. They’re wrong, but it’s the confluence of livelihood and cultural inclination that makes them so angry when they feel it’s threatened.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 22, 2011 at 8:30 pm

When they feel it's being threatened?
The thing that's being threatened here is the checks that come in the mail, not the environment, or the fishing, or the hunting. Quite the opposite, in fact.

northernbassist November 22, 2011 at 7:41 pm

And let's not forget this nugget from Yon Dung's past–this from the Anchorage Daily News, 4/23/95:

"U.S. Rep. Don Young said he was just trying to educate high school students when he used an obscenity to refer to anal sex while denouncing government funding of the arts.

Young, Alaska's lone congressman for 22 years and a former teacher, told the auditorium full of 15- through 18-year-olds that the federal government has funded "photographs of things that are absolutely ridiculous" and "photographs of people doing offensive things."

When students asked which pictures he was talking about, Young said, "butt f——…. You think that's art?"

At West Valley High School, his words Friday had the roughly 150 students laughing or grumbling."

Stay classy, Congressman!!!

Steverino247 November 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm

It's art when I do it, motherfucker!

Dok-cupy Everything November 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Forget it, Congressman. Simply mentioning assfucking is not enough to make Wonkette like you.

Steverino247 November 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Not to mention a recipient of the Medal of Honor whose oldest son went on to be awarded it for his work on D-Day.

hockeymom November 22, 2011 at 8:18 pm

OT, it's bizarre to see Don Shelby referred to as a "MinnPost reporter."

ttommyunger November 22, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Some days I'm really embarrassed to be an American. Watching this clown makes this one of those days.

Beanball November 22, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Dr Brinkley was mentored by historian Stephen Ambrose, for fuck's sake! He taught at the US Naval Academy! He was the director of the Eisenhower Center at the University of New Orleans!

Horee shit, this congressidiot is beyond appalling, he really really needs to be horsewhipped.

And in defense of the roughly 52% of Alaskans who didn't vote for him and the rest of America who are wondering how in Sweet Baby Jesu's name he got on the Natural Resource Committee, it's because he BOUGHT his membership. http://maplight.org/content/72498

LetUsBray November 23, 2011 at 12:20 am

What has to happen before the denizens of these hick districts are embarrassed to be represented by such dickheaded morons?

Besides the emergence of an even more dickheaded moron to vote for instead, I mean.

Negropolis November 23, 2011 at 12:50 am

Fuck you, Don Young. Really, just fuck you. That's right; slink out of there on your belly, vile serpent.

I'm so fucking sick of Congress. Who the hell do they think they are? Who are they to tell anyone to be quiet with a fucking 9% approval rating? They are lucky that Occupy Wall Street still seems stuck on the banks. Belive you me, if they had wanted to, there could be a coup, so they better straight the hell up.

Hey Don; given that this is Alaska, why don't you take a long fly off a short runway?

dennis1943 November 23, 2011 at 8:41 am

This is a lesson in "states rights"……..to embarass themselves…….

Crowe2011 November 23, 2011 at 10:06 am

Ted Stevens, Mike Gravel, Sarah Palin, Don Young…. are all Alaskan politicians crazy? What are they putting in the water up there? You say there's oil under ANWR? I say there's oil in the skull of every Alaskan politician. Or devils or something. My point is – drill baby, drill!

gurukalehuru November 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Now, hold on there just a goll derned second, Mr. (or Ms., of course) Crowe2011. Mike Gravel might be crazy, but he's OUR crazy.

Crowe2011 November 23, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Hey, if I were American there's a good chance I would have voted for him just for 'Rock'*. Or Kucinich or something. But despite deserved praise for reading The Pentagon Papers into the record there's no question that by the time he made it to the DNC debates he was howl-at-the-moon crazy.

*I'm deadly serious. I saw that video and was like "this guy gets it. This guy knows".

smitallica November 23, 2011 at 10:51 am

"It's your job to sit in that chair and answer questions, which I may or may not get to asking you any of after I've finished reading my prepared statement of insults, dismissals, and non-facts!!"

Quayle2012_KNOT November 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Don Young has been perpetually enraged since 1987 when, during Robert Bork's Supreme Court confirmation hearings, he realized Bork was much better at imitating Victor Buono as King Tut on the Batman series.

Slim_Pickins November 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Rep. Young is a compelling argument for term limits

June_Cleaver2.0 November 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I put Brinkley in the Elizabeth Warren category. Smart and understandable, obviously cares about the land. When will the American people get tired of the Republicans? They are obviously bad for the country's health.

102415 November 26, 2011 at 1:35 am

http://www.themudflats.net/2011/11/19/beanied-con
I know this is late in coming but it needs to be here. He needs to be put in a nursing home or hospital.

poncho_pilot November 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

or their joke about how "Highway 6 runs both ways" implying that if you're a liberal you should go live in Austin. Highway 6 doesn't actually go to Austin.

prommie November 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Merriam-Webster says first known use was 1972. Think Vasques.

northernbassist November 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Yes, BB, Mark is one of Nick's sons.

unclejeems November 22, 2011 at 9:42 pm

It goes to Waco, and that spoils the whole joke.

WunkRocker November 23, 2011 at 8:58 am

Dimsdale!
Also I'm pretty sure it was just a Depends change Don Young needed there. How can he battle those elitist scientificos with a load in his britches. Maybe David Vitter could advise? Still it is nice that in 2011 you can send Twatter messages to their accounts respectfully calling them pussies.

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