FAIL  12:03 pm November 22, 2011

Not Even FBI Cares About Bloomberg’s Phony Terror Suspect

by Wonkette Jr.

While #OWS protesters created a “weaponized drum circle” around Michael Bloomberg’s mansion over the weekend, the mayor’s attempt to get people to freak out about the terrorisms was a total failure. Not even the terror-happy federal government was convinced by New York’s lame-o made-up terror suspect. Reuters reports:

Federal authorities declined to join the local investigation of a suspected New York militant, saying he was not likely to carry out an attack, a law enforcement source familiar with the case said on Monday. Jose Pimentel, 27, a suspected follower of late Muslim cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, was arrested on Saturday in a New York apartment while assembling a pipe bomb, police said.

[...] The source said New York police investigators had asked the FBI to get involved in the case at least twice but it declined because Pimentel did not appear predisposed or capable of carrying out an attack.

Here’s Sam Seder calling Bloomberg’s terror scare a fake:

Here’s Keith Olbermann doing the same thing:

Great job getting #Occupy Wall Street out of the news, Bloomberg! [Reuters]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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nounverb911 November 22, 2011 at 12:05 pm

According to the NY Post its actually #Occupy Bomber (D).

slowhansolo November 22, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Quick, look over there!

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Many years ago, a friend of mine was just meeting the girl friend's family when he realized his zipper was down.

He distracted them by suggesting they look out the living room window while he took care of it.

Then he glaced out and saw, on their front lawn, two dogs fucking.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I hope the girlfriend at least took advantage of the resulting confusion to give him a quick handjob.

slowhansolo November 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Two stuck dogs as a stage prop? It's probably difficult to get them back on your empty hand after that.

freakishlywrong November 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm

But..but..Bloomberg is a centerist! Therefore, perfect within our lame punditocracy.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 12:35 pm

He's a "centrist" by media standards; really he's an authoritarian and economic conservative who just doesn't care about the religious right's social issues

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

His name is Pimentel? Isn't that the name of a food product? What's the problem?

jodyleek November 22, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Olive your Pimentel loaf are belong to us.

EatsBabyDingos November 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

His primary weapon appeared to be putting a Mentos in a Diet Coke bottle, and putting the lid back on "really fast."

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Have you seen the YouTube where the soda bottle flies around and slams the camera guy right in the kisser?

Quite amusing.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 12:18 pm

It wasn't a pipe bomb. He had out his pipe, and he was getting bombed. Not the same thing at all.

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm


Pretty much the difference between a lid of pot and a pot lid.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm

The NYPD learned that this guy was planning to construct a pipe bomb when he went down to his local cigar store and bought 15 pipes.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Bloomberg is taking all his moves right outta "Fascism 101a."

I think his professor was Rudy 911, "a small man in search of a balcony."

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm

A few months ago Harper's Magazine (yes, it is still being published – and still runs some excellent articles!) had a long piece about many of the much publisied arrests of "terrorists."

All too often they turned out to be set-ups of dupes, fools and the generally confused. Or, just flat-out entrapment.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

In America? Pshaw…

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Here it is:

That's some scary shit right there!

RadiosTyrone November 22, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Marinus van der Lubbe enjoyed that article.

Biff November 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I think the feds have created more terrorists out of thin air than exist in all of the Middle East.
Way off-topic, any of you elitist Wonketeers with Android phones have an app/solution to make comments here via said Android phone? I can't, as yet, and I also can't always get back to a real 'puter in time to garner the "P", if you know what I mean and I think that you do…

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I can report that it's hopeless on a Blackberry, even on the World's Fastest Slow Network, AT'n'T.

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I'm in the same boat. All I can see is the articles, not the comments, and I can't post. We need an app!

Biff November 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Actually, there is an app that mentions Wonkette by name, but it doesn't say what it does!

Neoyorquino November 23, 2011 at 2:10 am


(Assuming I copied correctly). I had the same problem, but now I can snark regardless of location – but signing in for the first time can take some work, especially with banana fingers like mine….sending this via Android, BTW.

Biff November 23, 2011 at 10:46 am

Thanks very much for that. I can see I'm on the right path, but so far it (“it” being intense debate) won't recognize my name or email address. Can't embiggen any buttons w/firefox browser while the keyboard is showing, etc. I'll get there!

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 12:27 pm

When is the next NY mayor's election anyway? It would be so nice to see this asshole booted from office.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 4:12 am

He's term limited. He was actually term limited his previous term when he got the city council to change the charter to allow him a third term, the authoritarian bastard.

SayItWithWookies November 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

The FBI wasn't worried about Mr. Pimentel because, though his name sounded foreign, it didn't sound too foreign. Now, had he been named Abdallah it would've been an entirely different matter.

Baconzgood November 22, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Hey Mike. Ever hear the story of the mayor that cried terrorisms?

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Olbermann is still "on" and still doing his terrible "Worst Person in the World" schtick? That's too bad.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 22, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Boy, if you can't even get the FBI interested in Muslims blowing stuff up, we really do have creeping Sharia law in everything.

BarackMyWorld November 22, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Raise the terror alert level to brown, the color of bullshit.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 4:19 am

The terror alert level is always set to brown…the color of the skin of the people they profile.

Lucidamente1 November 22, 2011 at 12:50 pm

"Jose Pimentel": "Jose Padilla" with a New York accent.

bflrtsplk November 22, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Pimentel is Spanish for pepper spray.

WhatTheHolyHeck November 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Bloomberg looks right at home in orange.

Just sayin'.

weejee November 22, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Matches his pepper spray.

PuglyDoRight November 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Yeah, perp orange.

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

A pipe bomb was going to bring down NYC? Was it stuffed with plutonium?

weejee November 22, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Bloomberg recruits the absolute terrorism experts, Moose & Squirrel, in 3, 2, 1….

DahBoner November 22, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Do they checkz yer 1040 before letting you walk down This Little Feller's street?

Biff November 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I dumped Verizon as soon as my contract was up. I was with Cellular 1, which got eated by Alltel, which in turn got eated by Verizon, who fucked it all to hell. Now I'm with those hilarious East Indian fellows over at MetroPCS for $30 less per month and no discernable loss of signal.

BlueStateLibel November 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Bloomberg's ORANGE-coded sweater was a good try, but still, yawn.

sbj1964 November 22, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Watch out, Bloomberg considers a shaken can of warm diet coke a pipe bomb.

fletc3her November 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

When circumcising yourself is outlawed only outlaws will circumcise themselves.

ttommyunger November 22, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Bloomberg and Olbermann in the same article? You trying to give me a fucking embolism?

user-of-owls November 22, 2011 at 11:40 pm

You could sort of tell this wasn't going to get much traction just be looking at what CNN actually ran instead of a lead-in the Bloomberg's "major announcement."

It was a piece on gerrymandering.

Rhyscurrency November 23, 2011 at 1:11 am

Same as Obama telling Wolf Blitzer he was more worried of the lone American than a foreign or domestic terrorist. Imagine these 2 True Blue Americans thinking that they are more worried an AMERICAN will do harm to this country over a foreign terrorist. Makes you wonder who we elect into office.

Lucifer999 November 23, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Everybody knows 911 was an inside job. Same as all the other 'terrorist'' attacks, all setups by the FBI/ATF themselves, just like the fast and furious debacle. Look there isnt even any HARD evidence jets were used on 911, all fabricated CGI bullshit. The footage is fake, the jets were fake. And Bloomberg knows it too.

fitley November 23, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Any hillbilly kid above the age of 10 knows how to make a pipe bomb. Actually it's quite common in those little towns full of inbred idgets. The part that Bloomy left out of his story was how the FBI laughed his silly ass out of their offices…. twice. Give it up Mayor Choad.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 4:05 am

Late to the show, but I called bullshit the moment I saw them do the shameless "re-enactment" of what could have happened. If he hadn't already jumped the shark, that did it. Well, I'd say that changing the law to give you another term was the official jumping of the shark, but this was pretty damned close to being a rejump.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 4:09 am

Anyone notice how the national media totally dropped this after Monday? Even on the news reports I saw, every single one of them mentioned how the FBI didn't think this was enough of a threat to keep on keepin' on with it. People are tired of the security theater.

Negropolis November 24, 2011 at 4:21 am

OMG. Bloomberg wore his sister's sweater to the announcement. This must mean that shit just got really real, or something.

littlebigdaddy November 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Yeah, next thing ya know the terrists will be driving down to Souf Carolinny to buy cherry bombs and M-5000s.

Biff November 23, 2011 at 11:24 am

Amargosa libel! We gotta grasp for fame where we can, ya know.

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