food products

Fox News Cop-Slobberers Say Pepper Spray Is ‘Food Product’

What are the jabbering fascist insects at Fox News saying about the school cops viciously attacking America’s college students? Oh, you know, pepper spray is just a “food product,” right? And college kids are often liberals, so … totally warranted! And harmless! So we guess Bill O’Reilly and his vapid hair product sidekick are saying is this: Get your “food product” and head on over to the Fox News studios and prove them right! Hell, it hardly hurts to be pepper sprayed in the face. Professionals actually like it.

Max Read at Gawker writes:

Tonight, Fox News hosts Bill O’Reilly and Megyn Kelly got to talking about a UC Davis police officer’s appalling use of pepper spray on nonviolent protesters over the weekend. Guess what direction the conversation took!

If you guessed “needlessly deferential to authority and dismissive to the suffering of protesters,” you guessed correctly!

You know what else is a “food product,” technically? Wet paper sacks of dog shit. Make sure to throw a couple at Bill O’Reilly for Thanksgiving! [Gawker]

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

190 comments

    1. UW8316154

      Can't be a food product or the Reagan administration would have long ago approved as a vegetable for school lunches.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    I really like the spicy Mexican food, but even with habaneros it's not enough, so I carry my handy pepper spray and give myself a blast in the face with every bite of those delicious cheese enchiladas.

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Pepper Spray is to pepper as the Sun is to a candle.

    Quite frankly I'm surprised Megyn (who but a self important bad speller has their fucking name spelled out like that) didn't go "Bam! Kick it up a notch!"

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Can you really die from cyanide poisoning just from eating almonds? I know I freaked my mom out when I was a baby by just inhaling the things, but I'm under the impression that it's the kind of thing you need to distill or something.

      1. mrpuma2u

        It's not the normal, selectively breed for millenia almonds that we eat, but there are still wild varieties in the near middle east in which the cyanide content is much higher, It's a fact in the Library of Congress. It could have been a fact in the OWS library but we'll never know now 'cuz the police THREW ALL THE BOOKS AWAY! Shitbirds.

  3. OneDollarJuana

    "It's a derivative of actual pepper"

    Well, ricin, one of the deadliest poisons known, is a derivative of castor beans. Just a food product, though.

  4. prommie

    Is she the one who said that waterboarding, stress positions, mock executions and such, are essentially just like "frat hazing?" Or is this kind of thinking just so common among them?

    1. Master Janitor V572

      As long as it's being done to people Roger Ailes doesn't like, which now includes Sarah Palin, so the next step is obvious.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        ehh, 1000x the scoville units of a jalepeno is a little extreme, even for most chili heads. That's like 20x scotch bonnets, which can mess your ass up for a good long time.

        Maybe, if you used one spritz in the whole batch, and used a buttermilk soak on the chicken to cut off the effect of the heat, it wouldn't scorch your throat too bad.

  5. DaRooster

    Walnuts… that's food right? Here Billy O. let me grab my wrist rocket.

    (Yes, I do have a wrist rocket)

      1. CommieLibunatic

        If we're gonna dabble in backyard ballistics, I'd like to try a trebuchet instead. You can launch all sorts of payloads from that thing, from boulders to Plague-infested corpses. You could even use Chris Christy if you build one big enough!

  6. freakishlywrong

    Asswipes. All of them. Remember Boss Hawg referring to the BP spill that destroyed the Gulf of Mexico as "food mousse"? What the fuck with these fuckers?

    1. memzilla

      I remember Rep. Joe Barton [R-Exxon] apologizing to BP. Looks like the Pepper Growers of America lobbyist paid a visit to Faux studios.

    1. Master Janitor V572

      Actually the fine Monsanto product marketed as "Roundup" is in fact a diluted version of Agent Orange, known to its few friends as 2,4D. So it's all good!

  7. HempDogbane

    To subdue Bill, you have to rub a liberal amount of falafel on him and then spray with a light coat of pepper juice. A Misto works great for this purpose.

  8. L188188

    From the same school of thought that produced "Carbon dioxide is actually made by trees! How can it be bad for the atmosphere?" Didn't any of these mouth-breathers ever accidentally dump too much Tetra-Min in their aquariums as a kid and see what too much of any "natural" thing does to life?

  9. freakishlywrong

    Has Sean Hannity offered to be sprayed yet to prove it's harmless food product? Like he didn't get waterboarded?

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        That'd be so good. Once he pops off the board after three seconds choking his fat face off, he instantly gets pepper sprayed. Repeatedly.

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      At least Christopher Hitchens volunteered for the water-boarding. Changed his tune in a hurry, didn't it?

  10. thefrontpage

    O'Reilly and Kelly and Ailes and all of the other jabbering facist insects at Faux News should be pepper sprayed while lying down on a board with water poured on their face, every day, for a couple of hours, until they wake up from their evil spell, denounce Faux News as the work of the devil, resign, effective immediately, and there is no more Faux News ever again.

  11. SorosBot

    So grabbing Bill O'Reilly's balls and twisting and crushing them as hard as possible would be giving him a handjob, something he'd like.

  12. Sparky_McGruff

    You'll have to forgive Megyn Kelly. She spends a lot of time with stuff splattering in her face. It's how she keeps her job.

  13. RadiosTyrone

    And those riot gear helmets are OSHA required. We've got to stop the regulatory madness and unleash the economy.

  14. BarackMyWorld

    I want to extend the same offer regarding pepper spray that was once made with the waterboarding they still insist isn't torture.

  15. SayItWithWookies

    Pepper spraying nonviolent protesters is just a bit of fun — but if Bill Clinton taps on Chris Wallace's clipboard during an interview, you better believe that's assault and battery. Really, the mentality of these Fox Criminal Enterprises talking heads is about where mine was when my brother and I used to draw a border down the back seat during long car trips and get indignant if we encroached on each other's territory.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      They'd be alright with that as long as it was good ole American yellow mustard (any brand but, you know, French's)!

  16. PhilippePetain

    Exactly how stupid can this get before people just stop and say "Well, golly, this is beyond all limits of stupidity that I'm willing to accept"?

  17. Ducksworthy

    Megyn. Please note that it also makes a refreshing douche. Maybe its the gyn in her name that brings this up.

  18. JustPixelz

    Bill is just sucking up to the pepper spray manufacturers so they'll advertise on his show.

    Announcer: Has this ever happened to you?
    shows harried housewife trying to shake pepper but cap falls off, then she sneezes, then falls and hits her head
    Announcer: Or this?
    same housewife trying to grind some pepper but wincing in pain as her elbow is strained, then falls and hits her head
    Announcer: Try SpraySpice instead!
    same house wife sprays down table full of dinner plates with red pepper spray. smiles as her family hugs her
    Announcer: Available in the sporting goods section of your grocery store. Buy some today!

  19. johnnyzhivago

    They gave these kids FREE pepper spray and they're complaining…. Who gets the bill for all this wasted food?

    There are protesters in Egypt who would love to be pepper-sprayed!

  20. Master Janitor V572

    Would all you liberal whiners* be satisfied if the Lt John Pike had just used one of those Brogdignagian peppermills from Costco on the demonstrators? No, then you'd be demanding they provide salt to go with it.
    _______
    "Wah, wah, wah, what about my constitutional rights?"

  21. kissawookiee

    LIke Billo said, if it was real pepper spray, they would've had more of a reaction. They were clearly just mooching the free condiments so thoughtfully provided by Lt. Pike, before heading off to steal ketchup packets and biodegradable sporks from the cafeteria.

  22. GregComlish

    Minute quantities of iron are also found in food so I guess there's no harm is grabbing a hammer and smashing somebody's face

  23. Mojopo

    Dear Smart People: I've noticed that there are more photos of women being pepper sprayed than men. Which might not mean anything and could be a photographic coincidence – maybe they use those photos more often for emotional impact. Or, there is a gender bias, or bias against spindly little students who weigh 100 lbs. soaking wet. How would I find out? Are pepper spray incidents on public record? Just curious.

    1. actor212

      Well, in NYC, they were taking to running the men over with scooters and pepper-spraying the chicks. Maybe it's a foreplay thing

  24. Eve8Apples

    When the lunchroom cafeteria cooks flavor the school children's french fries and pizza with pepper spray, the little angels receive three servings of vegetables.

  25. WhatTheHeck

    Unfortunately, Fox News was contaminated with naturally occurring stupidity from the very beginning.

    No known cure at this present time.

  26. zappadoo76

    Leave Megyn alone! At least she accused Chief Annette of making shit up. That's pretty astute for someone whose name means "ME WOMAN" in Greek.

  27. BlueStateLibel

    So which Faux News yammerer will volunteer to be pepper-sprayed in the face just to prove that pepper spray is a delicious food product?

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Having accidentally pepper-sprayed myself in the hand once (I was idly trying to see if the canister came out of its holder) I can attest that that stuff stings a lot. If Bill or Megyn got a blast in the face they'd be screaming like spanked children — right up until the waterboarding started.

      1. HarryButtle

        Yea, but how many will follow thru and actually allow themselves to be sprayed?

        None of 'em, Katie.

  28. Ducksworthy

    As a side note: Spraying your birdseed with pepper spray discourages the squirrels but not the birds. Well maybe the birds too. But the seed lasts longer in the feeder.

  29. El Pinche

    The sad thing is that Megyn''s chin has to endure being sprayed by BillO's "food product" and old balls.

  30. Larry McAwful

    This was an example of "reasonable force"? Well, if FoxNews is an example of "news", then why the hell not?

  31. LiveToServeYa

    Hah, just inhale the vapor made of a specialty hot sauce, say 'Screaming Sphincter', and you'll be convinced it's not a happy thing.

  32. freakishlywrong

    OT but Katrina Vanderhuvel is bitch slapping the regrettable "Democrat" Mort Zuckerman on MSNBC. It's delish…

  33. NowTheyTellMe

    I watched as much of that as I could. I felt like I was observing the defense team in the Rodney King case as they coolly deconstructed his savage beating. It is truly a sad day when Megyn Kelly is the "voice of reason," no matter that it's in comparison to Bill O'Heil-ey. I'll hand it to Fox – they know how to package outrageous misconduct to satisfy their smug, self-righteous audience.

  34. a_pink_poodle

    I'm sure a few people here would be more than happy to give Fox News an extra helping of pepper spray on their eggs!

  35. mavenmaven

    "The police chief was placed on adm leave for 'following orders', can you believe that?"
    I suppose they ought to watch Judgement at Nuremberg.

  36. Tundra Grifter

    I remember seeing Homer Simpson use pepper spray on his food.

    All this time, I thought that wasn't real life!

  37. dadanarchist

    God damnit, I know there's a Herman Cain/Godfather's Pizza joke in here somewhere, but I'm too sleep-addled/horrified to come up with it……

  38. HedonismBot

    Reminds me of that old Saturday Night Live TV commercial parody.

    Husband: "Pepper spray is a dessert topping!"

    Wife: "Pepper spray is a brutal weapon to quash liberal dissent!"

    Husband: "Dessert topping, you bitch!"

    Wife: ""Brutal weapon to quash dissent, you limp-wrist closet case! I'm tired of being your beard!"

    Announcer: "Calm down, folks! Pepper spray is both a dessert topping AND a brutal weapon to quash liberal dissent! Put it on your Sundae, or use it to hose down that smarty-pants vegan college kid down the street. It's both! And it's kosher, too."

    Husband and wife (in unison): "Ooooohhh! Aaaahh!"

  39. MrFizzy

    I always thought the most fun job in the world would be working as a "reporter" for the Enquirer, but now I'm thinking it would be coming up with stuff like pepper spray being food. Requires a deep understanding of the republican/conservative mind, i.e. what lie can we tell that your average Arby's patron is going to believe, or at least repeat.

  40. Dumbedup

    Well, with props to the departed Hunter S. Thompson, those idiots should be pepper sprayed, ram fed acid and viagra and locked in the showers of a super max prison. It will help them discover empathy.

  41. ibwilliamsi

    ANYTHING that grows and can be ingested is a food product, right? Just like heroin and weed. BTW, Megan, do you care to go for the "It doesn't really hurt. Let me demonstrate for you how easy it is" angle on this one. I'd gladly find the Faux News channel on my dial to watch that one.

  42. Generation[redacted]

    Bill-O: "Bull Conner really should have gotten more of a reaction out of those marchers."

  43. Barrelhse

    Megyn, pus is also a naturally occurring product. Have a nice tall glass with your scab sandwich, bitch.

  44. Steverino247

    Check this out:

    The US Army concluded in a 1993 Aberdeen Proving Ground study that pepper spray could cause "[m]utagenic effects, carcinogenic effects, sensitization, cardiovascular and pulmonary toxicity, neurotoxicity, as well as possible human fatalities. There is a risk in using this product on a large and varied population."

    You know when the Army doesn't want to spray something on you, it's GOT to be bad.

  45. chascates

    And on her Wikipedia page (probably for a short time only):

    Kelly also thinks that pepper spray is essentially a food product that could make your Thanksgiving turkey extra scrumptious.

  46. Chet Kincaid

    Bill O'Reilly is within his legal rights to pepper-spray an uncooperative bitch producer so that he can drag her into the shower, if she has previously been noncompliant with issues raised in her performance review (i.e. "sucking it"). Any reasonable person can see that!

  47. KennyCB

    "Oh, Bill! Just take two loofahs and call me in the morning, OK?";
    or, The Megyn Kelly Story

    What possibly gives greater thrills?
    Than faux blondes subsisting on pills?
    Mendacity rules
    With Fox lady tools —
    Her yap's open? — Head for the hills!

  48. glamourdammerung

    There is a woman in Seattle that had her unborn child murdered by "vegetable mist" and some cop beating. I someone doubt that is going to make it on Fox "news" despite their assertions that the fetus had more rights than the host/mother.

  49. fitley

    They should have thrown Megyn on to the protesters I'm sure they'd have run from that vile piece of filth.

  50. Gleem_McShineys

    What about being sprayed with weapons-grade horseshit? Please be careful when watching this video.

  51. ttommyunger

    "Fox News Cop-Slobberers Say Pepper Spray Is ‘Food Product’." Riiiight. And Pizza is a vegetable, and waterboarding is not torture.

Comments are closed.