SNOWBILLY'S FAILED REVENGE  11:00 am November 22, 2011

Imbecile Sarah Palin Thinks Roger Ailes Doesn’t Own Her (He Does)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

C'mon, even Bristol knows she must do a monkey dance on teevee for her monies.

Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet and look, here already is a giant plate of half-putrefied “leftovers” to add to the compost bin: mutant overgrown toad wart Roger Ailes nearly (OH GOD, WHY NEARLY) evicted yammering reject Sarah Palin from his evil teevee space beams in an enraged fit right after she “announced” she was quitting the presidential race she never joined, because she failed at her sole remaining paid task of delivering this breaking non-information on Fox News. Sarah Palin told some other outlet first for the same reason she does anything: out of raw, brainless spite.

From Daily Intel:

After [Palin's] announcement, [Ailes] called Fox’s executive vice-president Bill Shine into a meeting. Shine is the network’s principal point of contact with Palin. Ailes told him she had made a big mistake. “I paid her for two years to make this announcement on my network,” Ailes pointedly told Shine. Sources described the episode on condition of anonymity, given the sensitivity of the relationships.

Palin is said to have made her announcement on Levin’s show because she’s been upset that Fox News has given a platform to Karl Rove, one of her principal critics. “She isn’t happy with Karl,” one Palin adviser told me. “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.” Levin had become Palin’s biggest booster in the conservative commentariat, and Palin is known for rewarding loyalists, and punishing her detractors.

Hahaha, and then she was forced to “recognize her misstep” before her overlords like a regular commoner employee. “Gone rogue” that one, she is! Eh, not really, mostly just “gone,” because she is too stupid even to remember who signs her checks. [Daily Intel]

 
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{ 131 comments }

Barb November 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

He doesn't own her. He's just leaving the money on the dresser for her for now.

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 11:25 am

Psst, Sarah; guys don't just hire hookers for the sex, they hire you to go away afterwards. Take the hint.

Serolf_Divad November 22, 2011 at 11:58 am

And it's not prostitution either because he told her "Here, buy yourself something nice" when he did, meaning it was totally a gift and not payment

nounverb911 November 22, 2011 at 11:04 am

Palin should just go back to her roots and market "Bristol Meth" to the masses.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

It's like having a tenth-grader in the national spotlight.

hollywooddood November 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

Stop making fun of Trig.

Lascauxcaveman November 22, 2011 at 11:30 am

Heh. If only it were that funny.

Larry McAwful November 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Now you've got me wondering which I'd less rather see: a Sarah Palin event, or a Justin Bieber event.

Nothingisamiss November 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I was certainly as dramatic as Sarah in the 10th grade, but I was, even then, far, far smarter. For a fair equivalency you'd have to go back to early middle school.

DaSandman November 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

Ah nothing like watching two right wing sociopaths trying to butt fuck each other…

Pass the popcorn please :)

Serolf_Divad November 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I've got a question: when Roger Ailes' dick is up her ass, can Sarah Palin still speak?

ifthethunderdontgetya November 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

I get much schadenfreude from this one.

Yo, Roger Ailes!
~

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

“She isn’t happy with Karl,” one Palin adviser told me. “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.”

No one said Rove was stupid. Just evil.

HedonismBot November 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

All of 'em (the GOP candidates, moneymen and propagandists) are smart, even Sarah. She made a lot of money playing a stupid person on teevee. I'm not talking Einstein smart, but smart enough they know how to get what they want.
It takes cunning and clever minds to call such an awful tune and get the masses to dance to it. I only doubt the intelligence of GOP voters.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:25 am

Herman Cain must be the exception that proves your rule.

Geminisunmars November 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

Well, he was just doing Performance Art until they dragged his past actions into it.

HedonismBot November 22, 2011 at 11:44 am

He sold lots of books, and his failed candidacy will probably lead to some kind of pundit job (sound familiar?)
He'll make out probably better than could be expected, and with no less than what he probably wanted all along – some fame, notoriety, and a (bigger) fortune. He's smart enough to roll the rubes, and that's all Republicans have to do.

GOPCrusher November 22, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Kind of makes you wonder about the mindless rubes that Bible Spice grifted off of for the last three years, being led to believe that she was The Chosen One.

DonnyKerabotsos November 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

Thanksgiving is not even here yet, but Kirsten has already provided a turkey.

GunToting[Redacted] November 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

Cue video of Karl Rove head-down in a turkey beheading cone in 3… 2…

Biff November 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Or Herman Cain's crotch.

memzilla November 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

Best real-life example of the old story which ends with "you knew what I was when you picked me up."

LiveToServeYa November 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

Yes, when you nurse a viper in your bosom, you gotta expect to be tit-bit.

Negropolis November 23, 2011 at 1:52 am

Best real-life example of the old story which ends with "you knew what I was when you picked me up."

This post is so very full of WIN.

slithytoves November 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

The guy wasn't happy that no news wasn't broadcast on his network. Whatever.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 11:42 am

You don't know what a crisis it was behind the scenes at Fox when Sarah! did that. People will be talking about the near-miss for years. At one point they were within five minutes of having to broadcast something true.

GregComlish November 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

Getting angry at Sarah Palin for being a spiteful, unhinged Diva is like getting mad at water for being so wet.

Spurning Beer November 22, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Ursula in "The Little Mermaid": "That's what I do!"

x111e7thst November 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

In the next blockbuster movie about Sarah there can be a scene in which she hunts Rove and Ailes from a helicopter. I would almost pay to see that.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

But then Rove pulls the collapsible rifle from the briefcase he was issued by Q, wings Sarah in the arm just as she's about to drop a grenade on him, the grenade falls to the floor of the helicopter, and it's a happy ending!!!

Or was that another movie?

memzilla November 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

From Russia With Rove.

Joshua Norton November 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

yammering reject Sarah Palin

The fact that her voice is a ball-shriveling nasal whine that sounds like an aluminum storm door being forced through a document shredder should be reason enough to can her ass.

prommie November 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

Plus one.

dduke45 November 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Nah, sounds more like a semi jacknifing on a wet bridge. (and should still can her ass).

GunToting[Redacted] November 22, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Sounds like sawing through a screen door with a wet cat.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

I was thinking just yesterday that it's been quite some time since we've had a Palin thread. It's like I was thinking about a plate of shrimp, and boom! Kirsten says Plate of Shrimp. No point in looking for an explanation. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

weejee November 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

And Palin, like seafood, after 3 days….wus that smell?

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

"Where'd all these flies come from?"

prommie November 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Like the blind man who walks by the fish store every morning and says "Morning, ladies."

GOPCrusher November 22, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Smells like the shit house door on a tuna boat.

LiveToServeYa November 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T THINK OF …no, I won't write it. Uh, how about the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man, instead? Nah, that might summon Newt.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 11:30 am

Tide comes in tide goes out…

jonesasaurusrex November 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Too bad it isn't like Beetlejuice – then all we'd have to do to get rid of the dizzy tundra bitch is say her name 3 times.

Schmannnity November 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

"Sarah Palin told some other outlet first for the same reason she does anything: out of raw, brainless spite."

You forgot profit.

Spurning Beer November 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

1. Raw, brainless spite.

2. Profit!

mrpuma2u November 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

We all knew she was a media whore, and now we can add rogue, self-serving moronic media whore. She probably isn't happy with Rove cuz he told her the truth, which was she didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of winning much of anything, including her old job as Burgermeister of Wasilla. Rove is indeed evil, but he isn't dumb.

Chillwaver November 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

There will be no "Happy Ending" to the Fox/Palin relationship (not unless Bristol is involved, of course).

Dr_Zoidberg November 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

Oh, I bet Palin thinks she's still important. How cute.

LabRodent November 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

So Roger Ailes is like a Pimp and when one of his Hoes get out of line he gets Angry. Happens everyday downtown in front of the bus station.

HempDogbane November 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

You're not the boss of me ! (Stamps foot)

Millennial Malaise November 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

Grifters gonna grift.

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

Watch it!

Beetagger November 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

Wait until the Fox checks stop and the speaking fees dry up. You're gonna see a Mama Grizzly pole dancing for tips.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

"Come see Sarah at the Safeway opening this Saturday in Scottsdale!!"

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 11:31 am

…handing out samples of frozen pizza.

Biff November 22, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Can we put that one off until Jared Loughner can attend?

bebecca2298 November 22, 2011 at 1:10 pm

at least it's honest work.

Nothingisamiss November 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm

And so it won't be done.

widestanceshakedown November 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

I hope she still hasn't gotten the taste out of her mouth.

Do you think he applied the old bag of oranges to the back on her, too?

DemmeFatale November 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

Sometimes, Wonkette is such a bummer first thing in the morning. But this!
The schaden (once again) freuds itself!

paris biltong November 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

"Principal point of contact with Palin" somehow sounds dirty.

YasserArraFeck November 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

That gig should come with thick rubber gloves and a tyvek suit

freddymcmurray November 23, 2011 at 12:51 am

My guess: lips kissing an ass.

DaRooster November 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

Go away!

mavenmaven November 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

Sarah who?

SorosBot November 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

You know, I thought I heard the sounds of toddlers fighting.

mereoblivion November 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

What ailes the broad, anyhoo?

freakishlywrong November 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

I love vicious rightwing asshole on vicious rightwing asshole violence.

PeaceWithHonor November 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

Sarah Palin? What could be more common.

Millennial Malaise November 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

What's sad is that these three festering boils on the ass of humanity deserve no one but each other.

HedonismBot November 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Ailes knew all along that Sarah wasn't going to run for prez, but he paid her for two years to build up the drama and make the big announcement on his network. Sounds about right.
Need any more proof our whole presidential election process is an elaborate farce, designed to distract us from how badly we're being screwed and provide us with the illusion of democratic choice?

ManchuCandidate November 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Someday (a cold day in hell to be exact), Sarah Palin you will be a real girl.

LiveToServeYa November 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Is there no loyalty? I pine for the days when politicians stayed bought.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2011 at 11:24 am

Sound and Fury Signifying Nothing Redux.

Chichikovovich November 22, 2011 at 11:50 am

Tale told by an idiot, also. Too.

Lascauxcaveman November 22, 2011 at 11:25 am

“She isn’t happy with Karl,” one Palin adviser told me. “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.”

I'd say it's unfair to pick on a newborn baby like that, but since this is being said by a FOX/GOP operative, I guess he's actually referring to the moment when Karl's dad's evil, evil sperm joined Karl's mom's evil, evil egg.

Biff November 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Blastocysts are people, my friend.

Nothingisamiss November 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Blastocysts and corporations, the base of the republican party.

comrad_darkness November 22, 2011 at 8:30 pm

You forgot the godbotherers.

chascates November 22, 2011 at 11:25 am

It's like listening to the special ed kids on the bus.

slowhansolo November 22, 2011 at 11:25 am

Ailes shouldn't be blamed. Who could have predicted an amoral grifter would grift?

SayItWithWookies November 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

The fun part is now Palin's politically irrelevant, yet Ailes still has to pay her through 2013. How quickly he found out that if you want mindless teaparty blather, just about anybody can do that schtick — Michele Bachmann, Santorum, even Newt Gingrich have appropriated the rhetoric of oversimplified solutions to complex problems and extremist poseur bullshit. And they're actually running for something, not just trying to get heard yelling from the sidelines.

SudsMcKenzie November 22, 2011 at 11:59 am

She will be renditioned to Becki Becki Becki Stan Stan.

MzNicky November 22, 2011 at 11:27 am

When assholes collide! ha ha ha.

Also:

"Ailes was so mad, he considered pulling her off the air entirely until her $1 million annual contract expires in 2013. … Ailes was furious with Palin's move and she was at risk of being 'benched.' Fox still had to pay her, but they didn't have to give her airtime."

So, the Grifter will now get paid $2 million for doing nothing? Maybe she's smarter than we thought.

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

Right? Wish I could…hang on!

Hey Kirsten? I promise NOT to comment at Wonkette until 2013 for $1 million!

OK, then, how about $1,000? $100? $5? Aw, come on! Work with me here!

Lascauxcaveman November 22, 2011 at 11:46 am

I wouldn't say she's smarter than we thought, I think that grifting is a natural, inborn thing with her. The way most people breathe.

Being such a me-me-me attention whore, losing her FOX airtime is probably the second worst thing that could happen to her.

Biff November 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

It would please me greatly if Murdoch's evil empire would pay ALL these morons to just shut the fuck up already. I don't need to see others fail in order for me to feel successful.

MzNicky November 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Yeah, but see this way she doesn't even have to quit, and she still gets the $$$.

LetUsBray November 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Right, I was going to ask, If Quitty-Grifty Lady were getting paid millions to do nothing, would she still quit? I believe she would, if it meant no one was paying attention to her.

DahBoner November 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Look over here, Sarah. See this? This is shit.

Now this over here? Shinola…

GOPCrusher November 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Don't you really have to question the sanity of someone that would sign Bible Spice (R-Quitter) to a long term contract?

SudsMcKenzie November 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

Well she can scratch Roger Ailes off her annoy to all hell bucket list. There cant be many left.

actor212 November 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

Will she run for governor of the high school she's clearly attending?

Sue4466 November 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

Sarah who?

Tundra Grifter November 22, 2011 at 11:34 am

If Roger Ailes owned a dog, he'd name it "Peeve."
http://nymag.com/print/?/news/politics/conservati

Fred_Wertham_Jr November 22, 2011 at 11:35 am

This is as much fun as a couple scorpions in a jar.

Nostrildamus November 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Only without the jar.

donner_froh November 22, 2011 at 11:35 am

Roger Ailes and Mark Levin are the last two holdouts–people who are still interested in Sarah Palin.

hagajim November 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

Sarah who?

elviouslyqueer November 22, 2011 at 11:43 am

I love the pic on the linked article, and I have to say that it's lovely to see Pia Zadora and Divine working together again.

DahBoner November 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm

#WINNING

Nothingisamiss November 22, 2011 at 2:40 pm

OMG, elviouslyqueer, you…..you are ….yes!!

Master Janitor V572 November 22, 2011 at 11:48 am

A source who declined to be identified owing to the sensitivity of the information in question said that Roger Ailes wanted Sarah to "go anal" and when she refused, he was furious.

You know, "sources who describe events on the condition of anonymity" are an even better way to promulgate untruths and half-truths than, "I don't have the facts to back this up, but…" Watch and learn, Herman Cain.

El Pinche November 22, 2011 at 11:50 am

She can't even hold her FoxNews cuntributor job down. All you have to do is read Aisle's wingnut scrawl from a teleprompter and show your tits. Brian "The Smart One" Kilmeade does it EVERYDAY.

NOW BE GONE ICE WENCH!! BACK TO THE FROZEN METH TUNDRA !!

starfanglednut November 22, 2011 at 11:53 am

"People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined."

-Wikipedia

not that Dewey November 22, 2011 at 12:46 pm

How did the wikipedia entry on narcissistic personality disorder get its hands on Fox News proprietary business model? Expect to hear from their lawyers.

WhatTheHeck November 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Now why the hell didn’t he just hack into her brain to get the scoop before she even thought of it. Rupert would approve.

Biff November 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

With a melon baller? Please?

MistaEko November 22, 2011 at 12:12 pm

The real sign of her career being over is that this thread has been up for over an hour and it has less than 100 comments and just a hair over 1000 views.

DahBoner November 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm

THE WAR ON THANKS SNIVILING CONTINUES…

Eve8Apples November 22, 2011 at 12:18 pm

“I paid her for two years to make this announcement on my network,” Ailes pointedly told Shine.

You paid a lazy, chronic quitter, Ailes. Her only consistent quality is her attention deficit disorder.

Generation[redacted] November 22, 2011 at 12:32 pm

"[Karl Rove] hasn’t been very nice.”

She figured that out all by herself, did she?

GOPCrusher November 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Kind of like saying that Lee Atwater was an asshole.

DerrickWildcat November 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm

It's hard to pick a side to cheer for.

owhatever November 22, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I like the idea. A million bucks to do nothing. Sarah Win.

jus_wonderin November 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm

PWNED!

Redhead November 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

“From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.”

Welcome to politics, Sarah. Despite your best efforts, it's not much like a gradeschool popularity contest.

Puffperney November 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Someone with photoshop skills needs to a do a "Princess leia chained with Jabba the hut" with Palin and Ailes faces superimposed. Oh, please!

Wonderthing November 22, 2011 at 2:08 pm

A lap dog is always independent right up until the moment when it realizes it's on a leash when it's out in public.

lochnessmonster November 22, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Sounds a lot like high school drama!

rocktonsam November 22, 2011 at 9:04 pm

we still love you Triggy!!!!

ttommyunger November 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

"Imbecile Sarah Palin Thinks Roger Ailes Doesn’t Own Her (He Does)"….But he's not proud of it.

Negropolis November 23, 2011 at 1:49 am

“I paid her for two years to make this announcement on my network,”

I love, love, love the honesty. That is literally the only reason he paid her, because he absolutely knew she wasn't running. What a fucking whore, but then again, is there any other kind of whore?

Shorter Sarah: What did you expect? You saw that I was a scorpion.

antiprius November 23, 2011 at 8:57 pm

And conservatives are the mean spirited, nasty, evil ones? They have a long way to go to catch up to you folks. How do you sleep at night with such awful bile flowing through your heart.

Barb November 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

I'm sure many deposits have been left on and in Bristol, Mama's Chubby Bukakki Cub.

Beetagger November 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

J.Edgar Hoover?

prommie November 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

"Chubby Bukakki Cub," I like that, thats funny.

Barb November 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

Thanks Prommie!

bureaucrap November 22, 2011 at 11:27 am

can we declare them BOTH to be the losers? that would be sweet.

Biff November 22, 2011 at 12:30 pm

But the victor inherits teh stupid from the vanquished; who wins now?

Nostrildamus November 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Hand grenades at 5 paces.

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