C'mon, even Bristol knows she must do a monkey dance on teevee for her monies.

Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet and look, here already is a giant plate of half-putrefied “leftovers” to add to the compost bin: mutant overgrown toad wart Roger Ailes nearly (OH GOD, WHY NEARLY) evicted yammering reject Sarah Palin from his evil teevee space beams in an enraged fit right after she “announced” she was quitting the presidential race she never joined, because she failed at her sole remaining paid task of delivering this breaking non-information on Fox News. Sarah Palin told some other outlet first for the same reason she does anything: out of raw, brainless spite.

From Daily Intel:

After [Palin’s] announcement, [Ailes] called Fox’s executive vice-president Bill Shine into a meeting. Shine is the network’s principal point of contact with Palin. Ailes told him she had made a big mistake. “I paid her for two years to make this announcement on my network,” Ailes pointedly told Shine. Sources described the episode on condition of anonymity, given the sensitivity of the relationships.

Palin is said to have made her announcement on Levin’s show because she’s been upset that Fox News has given a platform to Karl Rove, one of her principal critics. “She isn’t happy with Karl,” one Palin adviser told me. “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.” Levin had become Palin’s biggest booster in the conservative commentariat, and Palin is known for rewarding loyalists, and punishing her detractors.

Hahaha, and then she was forced to “recognize her misstep” before her overlords like a regular commoner employee. “Gone rogue” that one, she is! Eh, not really, mostly just “gone,” because she is too stupid even to remember who signs her checks. [Daily Intel]

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  • Barb

    He doesn't own her. He's just leaving the money on the dresser for her for now.

    • SorosBot

      Psst, Sarah; guys don't just hire hookers for the sex, they hire you to go away afterwards. Take the hint.

    • Serolf_Divad

      And it's not prostitution either because he told her "Here, buy yourself something nice" when he did, meaning it was totally a gift and not payment

  • nounverb911

    Palin should just go back to her roots and market "Bristol Meth" to the masses.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's like having a tenth-grader in the national spotlight.

  • DaSandman

    Ah nothing like watching two right wing sociopaths trying to butt fuck each other…

    Pass the popcorn please :)

    • Serolf_Divad

      I've got a question: when Roger Ailes' dick is up her ass, can Sarah Palin still speak?

  • I get much schadenfreude from this one.

    Yo, Roger Ailes!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “She isn’t happy with Karl,” one Palin adviser told me. “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.”

    No one said Rove was stupid. Just evil.

    • HedonismBot

      All of 'em (the GOP candidates, moneymen and propagandists) are smart, even Sarah. She made a lot of money playing a stupid person on teevee. I'm not talking Einstein smart, but smart enough they know how to get what they want.
      It takes cunning and clever minds to call such an awful tune and get the masses to dance to it. I only doubt the intelligence of GOP voters.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Herman Cain must be the exception that proves your rule.

        • Geminisunmars

          Well, he was just doing Performance Art until they dragged his past actions into it.

        • HedonismBot

          He sold lots of books, and his failed candidacy will probably lead to some kind of pundit job (sound familiar?)
          He'll make out probably better than could be expected, and with no less than what he probably wanted all along – some fame, notoriety, and a (bigger) fortune. He's smart enough to roll the rubes, and that's all Republicans have to do.

      • GOPCrusher

        Kind of makes you wonder about the mindless rubes that Bible Spice grifted off of for the last three years, being led to believe that she was The Chosen One.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Thanksgiving is not even here yet, but Kirsten has already provided a turkey.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Cue video of Karl Rove head-down in a turkey beheading cone in 3… 2…

    • Biff

      Or Herman Cain's crotch.

  • memzilla

    Best real-life example of the old story which ends with "you knew what I was when you picked me up."

    • LiveToServeYa

      Yes, when you nurse a viper in your bosom, you gotta expect to be tit-bit.

    • Negropolis

      Best real-life example of the old story which ends with "you knew what I was when you picked me up."

      This post is so very full of WIN.

  • slithytoves

    The guy wasn't happy that no news wasn't broadcast on his network. Whatever.

    • Chichikovovich

      You don't know what a crisis it was behind the scenes at Fox when Sarah! did that. People will be talking about the near-miss for years. At one point they were within five minutes of having to broadcast something true.

  • GregComlish

    Getting angry at Sarah Palin for being a spiteful, unhinged Diva is like getting mad at water for being so wet.

    • Ursula in "The Little Mermaid": "That's what I do!"

  • x111e7thst

    In the next blockbuster movie about Sarah there can be a scene in which she hunts Rove and Ailes from a helicopter. I would almost pay to see that.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      But then Rove pulls the collapsible rifle from the briefcase he was issued by Q, wings Sarah in the arm just as she's about to drop a grenade on him, the grenade falls to the floor of the helicopter, and it's a happy ending!!!

      Or was that another movie?

      • memzilla

        From Russia With Rove.

  • Joshua Norton

    yammering reject Sarah Palin

    The fact that her voice is a ball-shriveling nasal whine that sounds like an aluminum storm door being forced through a document shredder should be reason enough to can her ass.

    • prommie

      Plus one.

    • dduke45

      Nah, sounds more like a semi jacknifing on a wet bridge. (and should still can her ass).

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Sounds like sawing through a screen door with a wet cat.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I was thinking just yesterday that it's been quite some time since we've had a Palin thread. It's like I was thinking about a plate of shrimp, and boom! Kirsten says Plate of Shrimp. No point in looking for an explanation. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

    • And Palin, like seafood, after 3 days….wus that smell?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "Where'd all these flies come from?"

        • prommie

          Like the blind man who walks by the fish store every morning and says "Morning, ladies."

      • GOPCrusher

        Smells like the shit house door on a tuna boat.

    • LiveToServeYa

      FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T THINK OF …no, I won't write it. Uh, how about the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man, instead? Nah, that might summon Newt.

    • DaRooster

      Tide comes in tide goes out…

    • jonesasaurusrex

      Too bad it isn't like Beetlejuice – then all we'd have to do to get rid of the dizzy tundra bitch is say her name 3 times.

  • Schmannnity

    "Sarah Palin told some other outlet first for the same reason she does anything: out of raw, brainless spite."

    You forgot profit.

  • mrpuma2u

    We all knew she was a media whore, and now we can add rogue, self-serving moronic media whore. She probably isn't happy with Rove cuz he told her the truth, which was she didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of winning much of anything, including her old job as Burgermeister of Wasilla. Rove is indeed evil, but he isn't dumb.

  • There will be no "Happy Ending" to the Fox/Palin relationship (not unless Bristol is involved, of course).

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Oh, I bet Palin thinks she's still important. How cute.

  • LabRodent

    So Roger Ailes is like a Pimp and when one of his Hoes get out of line he gets Angry. Happens everyday downtown in front of the bus station.

  • HempDogbane

    You're not the boss of me ! (Stamps foot)

  • Millennial Malaise

    Grifters gonna grift.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Watch it!

  • Beetagger

    Wait until the Fox checks stop and the speaking fees dry up. You're gonna see a Mama Grizzly pole dancing for tips.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Come see Sarah at the Safeway opening this Saturday in Scottsdale!!"

      • DaRooster

        …handing out samples of frozen pizza.

      • Biff

        Can we put that one off until Jared Loughner can attend?

    • bebecca2298

      at least it's honest work.

      • Nothingisamiss

        And so it won't be done.

  • widestanceshakedown

    I hope she still hasn't gotten the taste out of her mouth.

    Do you think he applied the old bag of oranges to the back on her, too?

  • Sometimes, Wonkette is such a bummer first thing in the morning. But this!
    The schaden (once again) freuds itself!

  • paris biltong

    "Principal point of contact with Palin" somehow sounds dirty.

    • YasserArraFeck

      That gig should come with thick rubber gloves and a tyvek suit

    • freddymcmurray

      My guess: lips kissing an ass.

  • DaRooster

    Go away!

  • mavenmaven

    Sarah who?

  • SorosBot

    You know, I thought I heard the sounds of toddlers fighting.

  • mereoblivion

    What ailes the broad, anyhoo?

  • freakishlywrong

    I love vicious rightwing asshole on vicious rightwing asshole violence.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Sarah Palin? What could be more common.

  • Millennial Malaise

    What's sad is that these three festering boils on the ass of humanity deserve no one but each other.

  • HedonismBot

    Ailes knew all along that Sarah wasn't going to run for prez, but he paid her for two years to build up the drama and make the big announcement on his network. Sounds about right.
    Need any more proof our whole presidential election process is an elaborate farce, designed to distract us from how badly we're being screwed and provide us with the illusion of democratic choice?

  • Someday (a cold day in hell to be exact), Sarah Palin you will be a real girl.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Is there no loyalty? I pine for the days when politicians stayed bought.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Sound and Fury Signifying Nothing Redux.

    • Chichikovovich

      Tale told by an idiot, also. Too.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “She isn’t happy with Karl,” one Palin adviser told me. “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.”

    I'd say it's unfair to pick on a newborn baby like that, but since this is being said by a FOX/GOP operative, I guess he's actually referring to the moment when Karl's dad's evil, evil sperm joined Karl's mom's evil, evil egg.

    • Biff

      Blastocysts are people, my friend.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Blastocysts and corporations, the base of the republican party.

        • comrad_darkness

          You forgot the godbotherers.

  • chascates

    It's like listening to the special ed kids on the bus.

  • Ailes shouldn't be blamed. Who could have predicted an amoral grifter would grift?

  • SayItWithWookies

    The fun part is now Palin's politically irrelevant, yet Ailes still has to pay her through 2013. How quickly he found out that if you want mindless teaparty blather, just about anybody can do that schtick — Michele Bachmann, Santorum, even Newt Gingrich have appropriated the rhetoric of oversimplified solutions to complex problems and extremist poseur bullshit. And they're actually running for something, not just trying to get heard yelling from the sidelines.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      She will be renditioned to Becki Becki Becki Stan Stan.

  • MzNicky

    When assholes collide! ha ha ha.


    "Ailes was so mad, he considered pulling her off the air entirely until her $1 million annual contract expires in 2013. … Ailes was furious with Palin's move and she was at risk of being 'benched.' Fox still had to pay her, but they didn't have to give her airtime."

    So, the Grifter will now get paid $2 million for doing nothing? Maybe she's smarter than we thought.

    • actor212

      Right? Wish I could…hang on!

      Hey Kirsten? I promise NOT to comment at Wonkette until 2013 for $1 million!

      OK, then, how about $1,000? $100? $5? Aw, come on! Work with me here!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I wouldn't say she's smarter than we thought, I think that grifting is a natural, inborn thing with her. The way most people breathe.

      Being such a me-me-me attention whore, losing her FOX airtime is probably the second worst thing that could happen to her.

      • Biff

        It would please me greatly if Murdoch's evil empire would pay ALL these morons to just shut the fuck up already. I don't need to see others fail in order for me to feel successful.

      • MzNicky

        Yeah, but see this way she doesn't even have to quit, and she still gets the $$$.

      • LetUsBray

        Right, I was going to ask, If Quitty-Grifty Lady were getting paid millions to do nothing, would she still quit? I believe she would, if it meant no one was paying attention to her.

    • DahBoner

      Look over here, Sarah. See this? This is shit.

      Now this over here? Shinola…

    • GOPCrusher

      Don't you really have to question the sanity of someone that would sign Bible Spice (R-Quitter) to a long term contract?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Well she can scratch Roger Ailes off her annoy to all hell bucket list. There cant be many left.

  • actor212

    Will she run for governor of the high school she's clearly attending?

  • Sue4466

    Sarah who?

  • Tundra Grifter

    If Roger Ailes owned a dog, he'd name it "Peeve."

  • This is as much fun as a couple scorpions in a jar.

    • Nostrildamus

      Only without the jar.

  • Roger Ailes and Mark Levin are the last two holdouts–people who are still interested in Sarah Palin.

  • hagajim

    Sarah who?

  • elviouslyqueer

    I love the pic on the linked article, and I have to say that it's lovely to see Pia Zadora and Divine working together again.

    • DahBoner


    • Nothingisamiss

      OMG, elviouslyqueer, you… are ….yes!!

  • Master Janitor V572

    A source who declined to be identified owing to the sensitivity of the information in question said that Roger Ailes wanted Sarah to "go anal" and when she refused, he was furious.

    You know, "sources who describe events on the condition of anonymity" are an even better way to promulgate untruths and half-truths than, "I don't have the facts to back this up, but…" Watch and learn, Herman Cain.

  • El Pinche

    She can't even hold her FoxNews cuntributor job down. All you have to do is read Aisle's wingnut scrawl from a teleprompter and show your tits. Brian "The Smart One" Kilmeade does it EVERYDAY.


  • "People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined."


    • not that Dewey

      How did the wikipedia entry on narcissistic personality disorder get its hands on Fox News proprietary business model? Expect to hear from their lawyers.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Now why the hell didn’t he just hack into her brain to get the scoop before she even thought of it. Rupert would approve.

    • Biff

      With a melon baller? Please?

  • MistaEko

    The real sign of her career being over is that this thread has been up for over an hour and it has less than 100 comments and just a hair over 1000 views.

  • DahBoner


  • Eve8Apples

    “I paid her for two years to make this announcement on my network,” Ailes pointedly told Shine.

    You paid a lazy, chronic quitter, Ailes. Her only consistent quality is her attention deficit disorder.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "[Karl Rove] hasn’t been very nice.”

    She figured that out all by herself, did she?

    • GOPCrusher

      Kind of like saying that Lee Atwater was an asshole.

  • It's hard to pick a side to cheer for.

  • owhatever

    I like the idea. A million bucks to do nothing. Sarah Win.

  • jus_wonderin


  • Redhead

    “From day one, he hasn’t been very nice.”

    Welcome to politics, Sarah. Despite your best efforts, it's not much like a gradeschool popularity contest.

  • Puffperney

    Someone with photoshop skills needs to a do a "Princess leia chained with Jabba the hut" with Palin and Ailes faces superimposed. Oh, please!

  • Wonderthing

    A lap dog is always independent right up until the moment when it realizes it's on a leash when it's out in public.

  • lochnessmonster

    Sounds a lot like high school drama!

  • rocktonsam

    we still love you Triggy!!!!

  • ttommyunger

    "Imbecile Sarah Palin Thinks Roger Ailes Doesn’t Own Her (He Does)"….But he's not proud of it.

  • Negropolis

    “I paid her for two years to make this announcement on my network,”

    I love, love, love the honesty. That is literally the only reason he paid her, because he absolutely knew she wasn't running. What a fucking whore, but then again, is there any other kind of whore?

    Shorter Sarah: What did you expect? You saw that I was a scorpion.

  • antiprius

    And conservatives are the mean spirited, nasty, evil ones? They have a long way to go to catch up to you folks. How do you sleep at night with such awful bile flowing through your heart.

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