amateur wizards

Mitt Romney Ad Magically Turns McCain Advisor’s Words Into Obama’s

The quantum of total emptiness sashaying about in a flesh suit and calling itself “Mitt Romney” just cannot catch a break, in the polls! Mitt wants this presidency thing so very badly, you can practically taste the flopsweat. (Look for low notes of malted milk and Brylcreem in this year’s vintage.) Here is Mittens’ latest campaign ad, where he plays the role of a humanoid who “believes in America,” unlike confirmed socialist Muslin Barack Obama, who in the beginning of the video just cold admits that “if we keep talking about the economy, we lose!” Boy, that dude would have to be EMPTY IN THE HEAD to say that! Just straight up flashing a big ROOM AVAILABLE sign across the noggin’, right?

Or maybe instead Mitt’s ad deceptively shows Obama quoting one of John McCain’s doomed flunkies circa 2008, who at the time wisely advised WALNUTS! to ix-nay on the “fundamentals are strong” nonsense, seeing as how the economy was then transitioning into hospice care. Now, you could turn your computer upside down to read the answer, or you could just use the good sense Mama gave you and assume that Mitt Romney fucked up, again, as always. What do you know, right again! This guy needs more Reagan in his life.
[ThinkProgress; TPM]

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  1. memzilla

    But the Rethuglicans don't care if they're lying and mis-quoting and taking things out of context. They don't care if they're caught at it.

    They do and say things knowing they'll have to issue a (wink-wink) retraction. And then their retraction is the "I'm sorry if you were offended" kind.

    This is the legacy of Lee Atwater and Karl Rove, and was first used in Nixon's "Southern Strategy" of 1968.

    "Myths which are believed in tend to become true." — George Orwell

    1. kissawookiee

      As my right-wing brother plaintively wailed after I refuted yet another idiotic WND-ish e-mail he forwarded to me, "Well, maybe that didn't really happen, but I could imagine it being true."

      GOP-Land: where dreams come true. Or imaginings could be true, so they are. As such.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Yeah, a great example of that was posted here a couple of weeks ago when one of the mini-O'Keefe's had "gone undercover" and kept trying to egg some OWS people on to break into a museum. They consistently told him that this was a stupid idea, so he broke in himself. Then he used the break-in as a reason to dump on OWS. His line of "thinking" seemed to be "A museum has been broken into, and since I'm obviously not the kind of person to break into museums [though I did, in fact, break into a museum], but you smelly moochers are obviously the kind of people who break into museums [though in fact you didn't break into any museums] so you are responsible for this outrage!"

          1. poncho_pilot

            republican Tinkerbell sprinkles cheeto dust on a fallen Peter Pan and tells the crowd to think angry thoughts.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      And besides, William McKinley probably said it before Herbert Hoover said it before Jimmy Carter said it before John McCain said it.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        I think he sits around grumbling that he's still alive in what would be more than halfway through his first term, where according to Sarah if they were so blessed to lead the country, would have balanced the budget by now.

  2. hollywooddood

    I remember when Barry bought up American companies and shipped the jobs overseas.

    Oh, wait! That was Willard! Crap!

  3. Dok-cupy Everything

    Nobody's going to check who said what, or in what context. As Obama always says, Americans are lazy.

      1. Crowe2011

        "If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape fellas" Stewart on Crossfire – As true then as it is now. We have to rely on a Comedian to do the job of journalists because half are bought-and-paid for subsidiaries of the Republican party and the other half are more likely to focus on what Romney had for breakfast than whether his OFFICIAL campaign ads are total bunkum.

    1. Crowe2011

      Nah. The Media isn't interested in whether candidates are lying. They're concerned with polls about how Americans 'feel' about the economy.

  4. tihond

    Remember when Obama told us not to get involved in a land war in Asia, and to never trust a Sicilian when death is on the line?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        And to never tie up with a woman who has more problems than you – which rules out both One-L Michele and Duh Gov'Nuh.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        McCain laughs twice and falls over, dead.

        "Which ad was the poison one?"

        "Both. I've been slowly building a resistance to campaign ads since 2008."

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Well, thinking people will always view any political ad with a bit of cynicism.

      The problem is the close-together-eyed ones that believe any republican ad is nothing but straight up Jesus quotes from the bible, which makes it their christianist* duty to stick their fingers in their ears and go "nananananana" when someone points out the deception. And then (somehow) they find their way to the voting booth.

      *christianist as opposed to actual feed the hungry, love one another, etc. Christians.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Make people think, and they will hate you. Make them say, "I knew I was right!" and they will vote for you.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    That reminds me of the time that Barack Obama strapped the family dog to the roof of the Country Squire (the one with the 390 4-barrel and the wood-grain contact paper down the sides) when he took the family on vacation. What a cruel bastard! But then, Muslims don't like dogs, so what do you expect?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Obama can't even remember 3 things without a teleprompter, and he couldn't decide if he was for or against helping the Libyan rebels.

    2. chicken_thief

      AND I DON'T LIKE MUSLINS AND WON'T HAVE NONE IN MY CABINET. Also, please buy my book and pizza. And you, the cute lady, come 'er and lemme stick my hand up your dress while you blow me.

      ~ Herman Cain

  6. Redhead

    Fox News headline: Romney ad quoted adviser to McCain (D – Arizona, socialist) as he gave advice to Obama because McCain wasn't socialist enough for him.

  7. Dok-cupy Everything

    This reminds me of the time that Obama said that Paul Revere went to warn the British, with the shooting, and the bells, and the pretty LAY-dees.

        1. Chichikovovich

          She would've had sex with Jeff Gordon too, but as any NASCAR fan will tell you, Jeff Gordon doesn't swing that way.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    Still not as bad as the time that Barack advised John Lennon that it was perfectly safe to walk the streets of New York City. Or the time he told JFK that an open car parade in Dallas would be a great PR stunt, since everyone in that fair city loved him.

  9. bureaucrap

    It seems to me that if you're going to distort the truth that much, you may as well double down and just lie outright. "I have proof that the president and first lady have been sodomizing defenseless kittens and puppies for years, on a bed shaped like a crucifix, and the only reason the mainstream media don't report it is because he has paid them all off with the proceeds of his crack cocaine business." That's red meat to the Republican base.

      1. Baconzgood

        No Reagan single handedly kung-fu kicked down the Berlin wall while break dancing to Achy Breaky Heart

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I played in a band with a Mormon. We practiced for 2 years without pay. The whole time the Mormon’s family was trying to convince him that he was sinning by playing music and he should quit. His girlfriend’s family (Mormon of course) and his family got together and made up a story that his girlfriend was pregnant so he went home to marry her but found out it was a lie. They also had the bank call him about some debts. He stuck with us. We finally landed a good 6 months of contracts and went out on the road. After he got his first paycheck he hopped on a plane back to Utah without a word that he was quitting. There we were, 6 months of contracts and no lead singer. I hate Mormons.

          1. Tundra Grifter


            It is a very sad story – I'm not laughing.

            There are only two reasons bands break up – failure and success.

    2. SorosBot

      Fun fact: in Mormonism, it's a sin to lie to other Mormons; lying to "gentiles" however is perfectly fine.

      1. Limeylizzie

        MrLimeylizzie grew up in Salt Lake City, he was Catholic, he loathed them except he did lose his virginity to a Mormon girl.

      2. GregComlish

        I think the rule is more general: God allows you to lie to anybody less Mormon than yourself. So Mormons can lie to us, but Mormon parents can lie to their children, and Mormon church leaders can basically bullshit everyone

    3. Master Janitor V572

      So J Willard Marriott and his tribe are devout Mormons, and the Mormon temple in suburban DC is on a Beltway site that would otherwise be a Marriott (or Courtyard or Springhill or one of their countless other brands) hotels, in any one of which you can buy all the booze you want. What's up with that? Does it mean that making money is more important than being observant? Or are they just hypocrites? Or both?

  10. Baconzgood

    Are you fucking serious? HE HAS NEVER mentioned Ray-gun? Man, if you mention Bonzo that gives you a 3 pt bump in the GOP. What the hell is this Morman's problem!

    1. JustPixelz

      Job creators* are unleashed?
      * jobs are created by demand and demand is created by people spending money, not rich people modernizing their factory in Indonesia. In my view, the job creators are the people in line at Wal-mart or getting a table at a restaurant or sending their child to college.

    2. Gleem_McShineys

      You get about 6 mutated freaks running for President, on the plank that even more of the same, this time, will work.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Yeah, since all three of those tax cuts by Bush for the job creators worked so well. . .Mitt desiring to progress those infallible commonsense time-tested truths will surely make America prosper again.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Those tax cuts would have worked perfectly fine, except that Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd forced Fannie Mae to give away free money to anyone with diamond-studded gold teeth and at least three tattoos to buy themselves a "crib". That provoked the entire crisis, even the commercial lending crisis. Which is a pretty impressive feat, given that Fannie Mae doesn't even make loans themselves. But if it weren't for that damned Barney Frank, we'd all have our pick of a smorgasbord of high-paying jobs.

  11. Mumbletypeg

    Mitt couldn't go wrong with just replaying that memorable footage of Obama serenading that audience full of cruise ship teatards; perhaps in the same blooper reel casually mentioning our president's tacky Gospel album with the exploding eagle on the cover.

  12. SorosBot

    Next Mittens will blame Obama for being a bad pilot who crashed way too many planes, and dumping his wife for a rich beer heiress.

  13. Tundra Grifter

    This is a natural extension of Boss BlunderRush, Off-the-Mark Levin and the rest of their ilk translating for the rubes what leaders (say, Mr. Obama) "really said."

  14. Sue4466

    According to the cynical shills wise pundits on MSNBC, this ad is fair because it's just "making a point."

    And this is why we can't have nice things. We're too stupid and corrupt.

  15. Tundra Grifter

    Great staff work! You'd think a sharp business person with, oh, six or seven YEARS to put together a Presidential campaign would have people on board who knew what they were doing.

    Mr. Obama started from scratch and won his first time out with – what? – just over two years to organize it. I still have the newspaper article mentioning that the obscure Senator from Illinois was thinking about running.

  16. Chichikovovich

    Mittens' people are saving the really dynamite stuff for closer to the election. Did you know that Obama was an active missionary for a religion that forbid blacks from attaining priesthood or full membership? Would allow black 12-year-olds to join their Boy Scout troops, but wouldn't allow them to be troop leaders? When Obama was seventeen, preparing to proselytize for that religion, one of their authorities (an "apostle") said:

    "The reason that one would lose his blessings by marrying a negro is due to the restriction placed upon them. 'No person having the least particle of negro blood can hold the priesthood' (Brigham Young). It does not matter if they are one-sixth negro or one-hundred and sixth, the curse of no Priesthood is the same. If an individual who is entitled to the priesthood marries a negro, the Lord has decreed that only spirits who are not eligible for the priesthood will come to that marriage as children. To intermarry with a negro is to forfeit a 'nation of priesthood holders'…"

    Obama's going to have a lot of explaining to do when they release this.

    1. Biff

      Oh, that is SO 1978. Honest, they've changed! Just like in 1890 when they decided 1 wife was enough, in public, so Utah could become a state, maybe?

      1. Chichikovovich

        In fact, I bet we're soon going to learn that there was just one thing and one thing alone that led Spencer Kimball and the other Elderberries (I may not have the lingo exactly right) to gather for the prayer that absolutely, no kidding, it really happened that way, led to God speaking directly to them in a revelation that changed their entire doctrine and had nothing whatsoever to do with the growing political embarrassment (and the fact that they were opening a monster huge temple in Saõ Paulo, where you'd be lucky if you could find a dozen people without at least some African ancestry somewhere along the family tree.)

        And that one thing and one thing only was the tireless agitation of the late-twenties aged Mitt Romney, who was so committed to erasing this stain on his church that he agitated tirelessly behind the scenes. He was so committed to erasing from his Church the stain of the idea that God had cursed black people and loved them less that he never even gave a hint of this opposition to anyone besides the closed group of apostles. Indeed, to all outward appearances, he seemed completely OK with the policy, and happy to proselytize in its support. Romney did it in complete secrecy solely in order to be more effective. We all owe him a great debt.

  17. Allmighty_Manos

    Remember when Obama said he couldn't remember how many houses he had … or 'read my lips, no new taxes," or "we're going to need to bigger boat?" Or how about "Today Germany, tommorow the world."

  18. Goonemeritus

    In fairness McCain and Obama are almost children separated at birth. Both are inspirational speakers who inspire our nation’s youth. Both have championed a level headed foreign policy that emprises restraint and negotiation even with our enemies. And lastly I believe both can play above the rim in a pickup game.

  19. gurukalehuru

    Now, I am no expert on how to do funny things with the moving pictures on the intertubes, but I watched Willard's 30 seconds of speechifying above, and what I got was "We need to get rid of….America."

  20. Bill_Mars

    Republicans don't want facts. They get everything they need from a picture bible, their 24 page Texas history textbook (white good, Reagan invented football, etc) and a laminated nude picture of Jesus.

  21. Redrighthand

    All politicians are crooked bastards who deserve to be drawn and quartered but I would take special pleasure in starting with mitt. I've been grinding that axe ever since he was beamed down from the mothership into the governors office here in Boston way back when.

  22. user-of-owls

    I'm gonna go out on a limb here and make a prediction: In about three weeks or so, Obama will be the new GOP front-runner.

    1. proudgrampa

      I would say that, with the centrification of Obama since 2008, he would make a pretty good traditional Republican candidate. But with the bunch of racist crackers running the GOP now? No way.

  23. user-of-owls

    This ad is a pretty foolish tactical mistake on Romney's part since it will only bolster President Obama's name recognition.

  24. mavenmaven

    Do you know who else thought a campaign should “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it”?

  25. Millennial Malaise

    "Remember when Obama started Death Panels to kill all those old people with a healthcare bill that I have no connection to whatsoever?"

  26. Gleem_McShineys

    And that's why I'm voting for Mitt Romney! He always tells the absolute unvarnished truth, in a straight-talking, no nonsense way. So refreshing to see a modern Republican politician do it, for a change.

    (Meanings of words not intended to be factual.)

  27. cyberbuff53

    this is one of the most underhanded, Bull Shit ads, I have ever seen…and the election is over a year away…I knew Romney was an asshole, but now we have to add Lying Scumbag to his repertoire as well…

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