Another Republican debate! Nobody really noticed this dumb “Jesus Thanksgiving” thing on Saturday, due to the Civil War currently brewing in America, but the six Jesus-loving Republicans did show up to sit with these Halloween pumpkins and jabber about how much they hate the Supreme Court. Mitt Romney obviously skipped out, because he worships the wrong make-believe God, but Rick Perry took the opportunity to remind everyone that he’s an imbecile. Herman Cain wept openly, into a napkin.
Amoral jewelry-debt piglet Newt Gingrich didn’t want to talk about his many marriages and divorces and how he “became Catholic” only after being kicked out of Congress in the 1990s and reading about alcoholics. Why alcoholics, when Newt is obviously more of a “eat a few bags of candy to chase that jumbo sack of potato chips” kind of guy? Oh who knows, maybe because he loves ‘hos like other fat babies love candy:
[The moderator] tried to press the candidates on more personal issues, asking them to talk about personal failings or struggles. Gingrich did not directly address his two divorces, but referred to a time in the 1990s when he consulted two Alcoholics Anonymous books, not because he was an alcoholic but because he was “hollow” and “empty.”
“That was really the beginning of turning my life around,” he said.
The candidates attacked liberals and President Obama repeatedly.
Sounds fun! We mean, “sounds like they all should have been pepper-sprayed in the mouth, for sitting.” [Washington Post]