Were you lucky enough to have a real, live astronaut visit your elementary school back when public schools still existed? Bet the kids were so so super excited!!! We definitely were, because, of course, even a low- to middle-tier astronaut is several orders of magnitude cooler than anyone who hasn’t been weightless in Outer Space. But did your classmates cry? Did they cry like the actual children they were? Hey, it’s okay! Crying was a developmentally appropriate response, according to science, probably! This, however, is not the case when the “child” is your Weeper of the House John Boehner.
Here’s how he embarrassed everyone this time:
His sniffles began during the speech, but it wasn’t until after House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) stepped down from the podium during a Wednesday ceremony at the Capitol that the bawling started.
Boehner was one of several Hill leaders who gave remarks at an event honoring astronauts John Glenn, Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin with the Congressional Gold Medal. Congress approved the medal in July 2009 to mark the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing.
In Boehner’s defense, perhaps these American cosmonauts brought back with them some sort of moon glitter that makes a salty discharge leak copiously from the eye holes of everyone in their proximity? And if so, just who are they working for? AND WHY WON’T THE MEDIA REPORT ON THESE MANCHURIAN SPACE DRIFTERS?
An attendee at the ceremony said Boehner’s strong emotional reaction was startling.
“It was certainly a moving event, but seeing him sob and gasp for air was sort of off-putting,” said this attendee.
This attendee probably won’t be too happy about Boehner’s plans to go catatonic at next year’s ceremony.
[Swampland via Rising Hegemon; HuffPo]
{ 188 comments }
Boehner really isn't anything other than a six year old girl.
I know six year old girls. Six year old girls are friends of mine. And, let me tell you, John Boehner is no six year old girl!
Wait, that didn't come out right….
I enjoy the company of six year old girls. Am I sexually attracted to them? Umm, phumpher, no, no, of course I am not.
As a former six-year-old girl, I take offense to this statement.
Give him a break. John Boehner is just so powerfully moved by how beautiful John Boehner is when he talks about how great America is. John Boehner is his hero.
He's got post partisan depression.
It must have been Thursday. He was wearing his orange face.
Buzz Aldrin should have just cold hauled-off and decked him, just for being a fucking pussy. No offense to any pussy-owners out there, but that Boehnor, he's a fucking pussy.
None taken (I own a number of house and barn pussies)
My pussies would eat John Boehner for breakfast. And they're just kittens.
I have turned to barn pussy when no other was available.
Win.
Win for filth.
The best kind of win of all! Its what we are all searching for, you know, us men, we are all seeking a sweet, wholesome, pure girl-next-door, who is also cheerfully vile and filthy in the vilest way, and who laughs proudly while at it.
As my friend used to say, "I have more pussy on my mantelpiece than most straight men will EVER see."
And then Buzz should have turned around and grabbed the youngest legal chick in the room and kissed her dip-style while holding the American flag in his free hand. Cause Buzz is a playa AND hater of the bad kind of pussies.
I have missed you and your brash bad-girl sense of humor! Of course you would appreciate the wonderfulness of Buzz Aldrin.
Buzz gives me great hope for my later years of debauchery – that there will be men who will still wanna-be-able to even play. Love love.
There's always the young ones, if your peers are getting "soft," so to speak.
I could picture Buzz loudly humming the Star-Spangled Banner while receiving a sloppy, enthusiastic blowjob. Hmm, that doesn't sound right, its not that I "picture" Buzz getting blown, damn, now I am trying hard not to picture that, but anyway, you know what I mean.
Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
He's more like a soft, shriveled, been-in-the-bath-too-long, balding Scrotum. Vulnerable, pasty and completely ridiculous looking when brought out in the sun.
That's almost enough to put me off fucking anyone who owns one a them. Almost.
"Boehner’s plans to go catatonic at next year’s ceremony."
He's been that way since he became speaker.
Drunk and passed out = catatonic?
How doth the little crocodile
Improve upon his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!
-Lewis Carrol, Alice In Wonderland
Gawker Commenter Of The Day, I salute you.
Nice, nice very nice.
Is he getting his period? I would stay away, maybe bring him some chocolate.
Check his panties for twists.
He's just leaking hate juice.
Great, no honors at all for Mr. Spock.
When will Vulcans have the respect they deserve in our Space Fleet?
All the sexual assaults from last year's Pon Farr should be enough to bar them from service altogether.
I'm sure the organizers were looking at each other and said "My god, we've made a huge mistake."
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo5cgqGLLn1qh2m…
Do you think his tears taste like gin?
Maybe. I do know that we can get Eric Cantor to tell us what his ass taste like.
"Minty."
Santorum?
Nope, pure jojoba oil.
Probably with a little menthol.
Judges would also have accepted "Lindsey Graham" or "Ham Biscuit"
How do you reconcile American humility with American exceptionalism?
Well, its hard to see humility down there when exceptionalism is always on top. If you know what I mean.
killing yourself in a car crash so your kid can get the insurance money?
In space, no one wants to hear you cry.
That's one small tear from a man, one giant torrent from — no wait, that's not a man.
Harry Reid should have punched him in the throat, that'll give him something to cry about.
Yeah! Throat punching time!
That would be dangerous, punching Boehnor in the throat, that could seriously injure Grover Norquist's cock.
I love you.
You are much too kind.
I love prommie more.
Sounds like a win-win situation, to me.
teh winz.
I question the existence of Grover Norquist's cock.
Many say Grover Norquist's cock is a diminutive right wing conspiracy.
There has to be some reason all the right winger listen to that idiot. Given their penchant for mano y mano action on the qt, he may the the Al Gore of the House.
Snatch!
Can't visit Gabby in the hospital… but you sure can turn on the water works when you think it benefits you. I'm glad people are calling you on it.
You are a completely heartless and soulless… snatch!
I thought we sold NASA to a real estate developer to build condos on?
Don't give them ideas!
Tears of a clown.
Tears for Fearmongers
For his liver it's always happy hour. His tear ducts, meh, not so much.
MANCHURIAN SPACE DRIFTERS? Who writes this stuff – brilliant!
Crying is what happens when you're so internally conflicted– when you know that all the bright young smiling faces are each inheriting like $33,000 in national debt, and you're the guy responsible for making that worse.
Are you implying that the man actually has a conscience?
He reminds me of my uncle, Al Cohaulik. Except my uncle wasn't an orange vomit clown.
What an impeccable description. Orange vomit clown. Yes, of course.
Congress approved the medal in July 2009 to mark the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing.
Christ on a pork rind! It took Congress over two years to give four dudes a medal. At this rate, we'll finally get a jobs bill sometime around 2086.
And a whopping 14 jobs it'll be…
At that point, we won't need them anymore. And our descendents will decide they much prefer living in a Mad Max-like hellhole to going back to the old two-party system.
Doesn't Boehner realize that John Glenn is a big old Democrat, a friend of Robert F. Kennedy, and thus probably a secret hippie socialist?
That's why Boehner was crying! Grief over all the money NASA stole from American millionaires to spread socialism into outer space!
He's just bipolar.
I'm really not interested in his orientation, just why he cries so bloody much
He has two penises?
Yes, he's a dickhead in addition to the regular apparatus.
Too bad we can't put him in a bipolar orbit.
It's not his fault. He watched "Old Yeller" and "Bambi" right before the ceremony.
That can't be it. As an NRA fearing rupug, he thinks "Old Yeller" had it coming.
I once paid a man to speak, just to watch him cry.
Heh. Throw in "It's a Wonderful Life" and "The Muppet Christmas Carol" and I'd be bawling right along with him.
Dumbo!
"My Dog Skip". I can repeat the last lines of that movie, in my head, and bawl immediately.
And "Shane".
In Boehner’s defense, he's drunky McDrinksalot.
Feexed!
~
Cry baby likes to cry like a baby crying.
An attendee at the ceremony said Boehner’s strong emotional reaction was startling.
Nah. Obviously they've never seen some drunk fool when they slip into "I luv you *hic* guysh" mode after their 10th beer. Usually followed by crying and then a bar room brawl.
"I luv you guysh" mode after their 10th beer.
Light weight.
Maybe he meant tequila shots and 10th beer CHASER?
I know just how he feels. I drank too much last night my own self. Also, he's from Norwood.
Shit if my job was herding House GOP members on a daily basis I'd be bawling every five minutes too.
Just the idea of dealing with Tea Tards and Eric Cantor waiting to plunge a knife in your back has me getting a little misty.
NASA to Boehner: What's the matter, orange you glad to see us?
I've never seen a crying carrot before. Thanks, Wonkette!
I'd far prefer a Flaming Carrot any day, thank you.
Ut!
"This attendee probably won’t be too happy about Boehner’s plans to go catatonic at next year’s ceremony."
Boehner going catatonic? What's not to like?
But how will we tell?
I'm sure Bill Frist can diagnose him as such based on some teevee news footage.
"even a low- to middle-tier astronaut is several orders of magnitude cooler than anyone who hasn’t been weightless in Outer Space"
What if it was the who drove cross-country in a diaper to attempt to murder her boyfriend's wife?
Thats not a low-tier astronaut, thats a totally bad-ass astronaut.
David Vitter was an astronaut? I can understand the diaper and boyfriend thing, but he was an astronaut?!?
Obviously she stared into the black oblivion of the unknowably vast universe and it made her do crazy things. Happens all the time.
Whoever she was, she's our best and brightest. And the crazy-sex was probably awesome.
She has seen crazy-sex such as we can only imagine; crippled ships burning off Orion's belt. . . .
Also, greetings, Kaia Mursi.
(Sounds muslin.)
That would be a plus.
They shoot Muslins, don't they?
And he's in a leadership position of the party that claims to be "Adults". They also claim to be the party of Personal Responsibility and Family Values. They need to rename the Republican Party the Bizarro Party.
Me John Boner. Me big Assmunch.
They also claim to be the party of National Security, when burning smoking holes were blasted into south Manhattan and the Pentagon on their watch.
From a group lead by a guy who, when Bill Clinton tried to bomb him a few years before, yelled "No blood for Monica!", and forced him to stop going after the group.
No wonder the teabagger faction of his party just walks all over him. Jesus, what a pushover.
I'd like to give him something to cry about.*
*Every other father at sometime.
pepper spray.
Very true. I've never said it in connection with my children, but I say it about Republicans all the time.
He needs HRT to counteract his weepiness. What is his problem
Or, I be satisfied with HRC punching him in the fart box.
I swear I see a faint bat signal on his forehead that says: Seagrams.
I think that's from the coaster where he slept last night.
Is it a drunk thing? Sometimes I get emotional when I drink heavily. I mean, more heavily than a normal day, which is already pretty heavy.
We're all different. I scream when I'm drunk. And it's not a happy scream, it's a more of a gutteral like I'm-getting-disemboweled-right-now type of scream. It's weird.
When I'm drunk, I speak honestly. Not the best policy.
When I get drunk, I turn orange and destroy what's left of our country.
It's strange that he weeps while speaking about how it's part of the American makeup to serve something greater than oneself — maybe it's because he's being mentally slapped with a wet noodle by Ayn Rand when he says this that makes him cry; maybe it's the idea that the thing he's serving is his own shallow self-interest and the collective greed of the robber barons who've fucked up all the rest of his constituents that gets to him; or maybe he's just such a schmaltz-loving, trite, shallower-than-a-Hallmark-card peabrain that he actually believes he's doing something momentous and a part of history that won't be repudiated for generations. Yeah, I'm going with that last one.
Or possibly just because of extremely painful hemorrhoids.
Humility! If you've got it, flaunt it!…
A woman who cried as much as this sniveling bitch would not only be disqualified from being Speaker of the House, she wouldn't be able to keep a job as hostess at the local Denny's.
That's putting it mildly. If Nancy Pelosi were caught on film with a single tear in the corner of her eye under any circumstances, the right would immediately stop referring to her by any label but "Princess Weepy" and the clip (closeup of the eyes magnified) would be put on constant rotation on Fox until the heat death of the universe.
John Boener would cry for anything.
He'd cry for Argentina.
He'd cry because it's Thursday.
He'd cry ordering lunch.
He'd cry for Argentina.
Isn't that Mark Sanford's gig? Oh, wait, I'm wrong. Sanford would hie for Argentina.
I wonder what he's like when he's sober?
No one knows. It never happens.
Funny you say that, because I wonder what he looks like when I'm sober.
Throw him in the longboat until then.
This happens so regularly it's becoming surreal. In comparison, it makes Deputy Andy on Twin Peaks look about as stiff-upper-lipped as Hill St.'s Capt. Furillo.
God god man. Boehner needs to bum some Zoloff from Bachmann or something.
“It was certainly a moving event, but seeing him sob and gasp for air was sort of off-putting,” said this attendee.
This person got to see him gasp for air, and they're complaining? FTW?
I'm hoping to start seeing these people turn up as victims of autoerotic asphyxiation with copies of Atlas Shrugged at their feet.
Fukking bedwetter.
Does the House speaker literally not have at least one image specialist on his team? Or does he just not listen to them? Any idiot can see that being chronically associated with weeping is a major liability. Crying *once* might be seen as a positive, especially for a Republican who are often perceived as cold. A few tears could be spared at the conference where you resign due to some Craigslist/Prostitute/Gay/Shemale/Congressional Page/Airport Bathroom scandal. But at this point it just seems like we have a man in a position of power who isn't able to control his emotions.
The astronaut incident was entirely predictable and avoidable. Nobody would have recommended Boehner for the job. Isn't the political machine supposed to prevent these sorts of train wrecks? Who broke the political machine?
Wait, I couldn't hear the audio well. Was he crying because he realized he could never be an astronaut?
Really?????
I'm sure Boehner can control his emotions – when he's sober. Which he never is.
If I had the approval rating this assclown and his fellow assholes had, I'd probably sob as well.
He's channeling Jimmy Swaggart.
I think Boehner celebrated Communion several times before the speech.
Those little wine glasses are really handy. You could hide a few in your coat pocket.
Dean Martin would whack that pussy in the knackers with a three iron.
Is this motherfucker ever sober? I think not. 'Course, if I had to deal with politicians all day every day I'd be a drunk too; or in prison for mass murder.
Oompa Loompa loompity doo, I've got another puzzle for you…
"John Boehner’s Drunken Crying Ruins NASA Ceremony"
Did he cry all the self-tanner off, until it was running down his face in orange streaks?
Pissant!
Apparently German Eyes are the exact opposite of Irish Eyes.
When the GOP loses the House and Senate, he's really going to be fun to watch.
EXCUSE ME!
Who brought me this bottle of vodka, which I did not get?
"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
Seriously, what is wrong with this fellow? Brain damage of some kind, probably alcohol related or the result of an undiagnosed stroke? He's probably a heavy smoker, and they have terrible circulatory issues late in life, sometimes. The thing that pisses me off is that his infirmity isn't physically painful to him. It's most devastating feature is that it tortures people who have to watch him speak the most.
Don't care much for now nearly-defunct "the space program," but must point out that my fellow graduate of the Agricultural Training Institute in West Lafayette, IN (whatever his challenges as a writer of words that would forever) never once used his immense fame to make money.
We all love Louis Armstrong.
Boehner. He's got the wrong stuff.
Would have voted "no" on NASA appropriations if he'd been in congress in early 1960's. 'Nuff sed.
To be fair, I cried watching the last Shuttle mission lift off, much like I cried watching the first one in 1981. But I'm a geek, not the Speaker of the House, and it was in the privacy of my own home.
Congressional Gold Medals. Lovely swag! Thank you for creating a couple of jobs in China you snivelling, drunken, douche chugging, impotent cry baby.
Ground Control to Speaker Boehner. Quit your fracking crying. Sheesh
John Boehner’s Drunken Crying Ruins
NASAevery Ceremony./fixed
I'd be embarrassed for him if he wasn't such an inept, hateful dick. So. I'm not.
Congress approved the medal in July 2009 to mark the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing.
It took them over 2 years to actually give them the medals? Did they order them from Goldline or something?
I can abide a dewy eyeball because astronauts are awesome, but I get gaggingly disgusted by this pussified bag of goo. He didn't go to the moon! In fact, his party has been cutting support to our space program. A smart person once told me that people who cry inappropriately and draw attention to themselves are immature people who are trying to acquire an association to an event (or person) that they don't deserve and did not earn.
If Ed Muskie had been a Republican, he'd have been fucking president.
I think he cries because secretly he realizes that people like him are the reason this country is unable to do anything hard like land on the moon ever again. If he had been Speaker when JFK had declared we would land on the moon within a decade, he would have given a rebuttal speech calling it too expensive and Socialist. I don't think Boehner is an evil ideologue like Cantor, but he is a schmuck.
What a pussy. Probably his "time of the month". Bring back Pelosi. We need a real woman in charge.
Everything about the man screams "Statesman". And then it cries and screams some more.
He was just upset that Tang makes a horrible mixer for Gin.
Wait, could that explain his coloration?
Scary. How many heartbeats away is he from the presidency?
Fucking asshole. If NASA proposed a new Apollo-style space project that employed the 400,000 people that Boner gets all choked up over at around 2:12, his TeaPublicans would scream about Soshalizm and stuff like that – and as a compromise we would end up with an unmanned probe to take photos of Phobos and Deimos or something shitty like that. So much for American Exceptionalism.
Ground Control to Major Whiner: Your eyes are red. There's something wrong?
Tearing up because somebody passed gas, that's all.
This is a non-story, as everyone knows that Boehner was just crying because he found out there was not an open bar at the function.
This oughta do it, John Boehner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GAKOLOnfV4
Now cry. Cry. CRY LIKE THE LITTLE BABY YOU ARE!!!!
I am such a fan of filth, plus English accent , I am fucking awesome!
As you are well aware, to us yanks, even the lowliest cockney is mistaken as something refined and sophisticated, but yes, yes indeed, there is nothing much sexier, to many amurrican men, than filth spoken with an English accent. My very first secretary, when I was a young lawyer, just hatched, was an English lady about twice my age, I loved when she would get angry and start cursing in her beautiful accent, "fucking bloody cocksuckers" and such. Yes, I am sure you are awesome, if you can do that.
If you went into the dominatrix trade you'd have half the Tories in Parliament lining up for your services. (Though some of them would ask you to wear a Margaret Thatcher mask, which might be a bit too much. Gotta have limits.)
Well of course. But I have come to find there is much to be said for the wisdom derived from experience.
I am also going to try and incorporate the word sloppy into my discourse as much as possible today. Just to keep you with me at all times.
You have so much enthusiasm!
You have no idea!
I'll try to imagine, at all times.
"and start cursing in her beautiful accent, 'fucking bloody cocksuckers…'"
you didn't get any video of that did you? that's a kind of porn i could get down with.
yeah – looks like a wingman for that drunken bastard when trying to pick up chicks.
Comments on this entry are closed.