tone deaf

On ‘Day of Action,’ White House Wants You To Buy Their Beer Koozies

Drink up, everyone! And then don't forget to stay home.Is there “some stuff” going on in the country today, maybe? Sure, a few things, like shopping day with Joe Biden! Here for example from some freshly-arrived Barack Obama re-election campaign spam promoting their online store is this convenient beer koozie with Joe’s goofy grinning mug on it. And what’s the “best part” of showing your support by using the Internet to purchase cheap crap, according to the email? “You won’t have to fight the crowds, or even leave home.” See, nice ‘n safe!

At least these emails aren’t even bothering to ask anyone to hand over their last few dollars as contributions in support of “hope” or “change” anymore. It’s just “buy our stuff, to give as gifts, so we can keep our jobs.” What a great gift for your fellow Americans!

Back in reality, the latest updates report that protesters at Zuccotti Park were barricaded in by police (after being evicted two days ago), and the scene is getting rough. Groups of folks are gathering in Union Square and on subways, as per the livestream that you can watch here:

One protester was photographed with blood all over his face after clashes in Zuccotti, and over a hundred have been arrested. [Obama For America email list/ Guardian]

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    1. OneDollarJuana

      Actually, the best koozies I've ever bought were made in the (sort of) USA, to wit, Texas. They hold up really well, fit my cans and bottles really well, especially Coors-a-Cola, and insulate really well. And they haven't even once seceded from my cooler. They are Kolder Holders, and if you want custom koozies, check 'em out. Even if they are from Texas and probably employ illegals from Vera Cruz, and execute anyone who doesn't meet quota.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Jeez, especially with the Screamin' Eagle on the hood. "Hey asshole! Gimme a can o' Skoal and a coupla 40's o' Old English!"

        1. Dok-cupy Everything

          I have long wanted to put one of those Screaming Eagle decals on the hood of, let's say, an AMC Pacer….

  1. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Matt Bertram, president of Fields Manufacturing, said in a statement. “This is again another example of our administration making quick decisions that will help small business.”

      1. HobbesEvilTwin

        (S) — the mind just reels:

        Sucking off?
        Stupider than?
        Seeking … their love?

        oh fuck it, I'd rather watch Barney Frank talk smack about Newt.

    1. DaRooster


      If the swagz iz for Obamer… as long as there ain't them cheap ass frizbeez… 147 grams or better or GTFO!

  2. weejee

    Biden alt clickie fail

    /edit: note kicking clicking Biden's koozie can still getz the dreaded PAGE NOT FOUND

    /edit²: clickie now chasing its own tail, but that works if it can give 'Murica jerbs by providing a self-activated endless do-loop. Pay from Wonette billionaire Ken Layne likely to be modest, but on to the click, click, click. Is this like day trading?

  3. prommie

    Joe Biden is my God. History will prove his divinity, you will all see. You should invest heavily in Biden-themed coozies and other memorobilia now, while you can, get in on the ground floor of this new religion.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Verily, I am not worthy to eat off his commemorative plate, but only say the word, and my beer shall be chilled.

    2. Rotundo_

      Getting in on the ground floor of a religion? Sounds like Amway to me. Then again, most organized religions, and a few disorganized ones sound like Amway to me. Lotsa crazy closeted types selling a product that would punish their own conduct.

    3. Negropolis

      And, lo, did Joe the Biden De La Warr loveth the world so much that he stepeth off the Amtrack in Union Station to save the world….

    4. OneDollarJuana

      Snark off. I want to see Joseph Biden run for President, and I want him unleashed in his campaign. Sure he's kinda funny-looking, sure he kinda lets slip his "inside voice", sure he seem to be toadying a bit to Obamer, but I can't remember even once that he let slip his apparently real opinion that he didn't prove to be 100% correct in his predictions, and unfailingly on the moral side. I'm positive he was selected to be VP for the same reason most are: life insurance for the main candidate. I don't think Joe Biden would keep political prisoners, execute Americans without trial (or anyone else), not investigate, let alone prosecute, the real criminals in this country, raid marijuana dispensaries that provide life-preserving medicine for our nation's ill, and on, and on. I could be and probably am, way off base, but I think that Joseph Biden is one of, if not the only, ethical Democrat left.

      Snark on. Damn! that's a cheap-ass koozie!

      1. Negropolis

        I find Joe's candidness endearing as anyone, but he would not make a good president, and he's legendary for being very wrong when he's wrong about something, particularly on Iraq, as a kind of recent example.

      2. prommie

        He is The Chosen One. For it has been foretold, there shall come a man with his foot in his mouth, yet from the foot-filled mouth shall come wisdom.

    5. fuflans

      no, joe biden is MY god and you r doing it wrong.

      it is trains and funky 70s attire that ensure his godhead. you will see.

      1. prommie

        Truly, he shall come in the form and appearance of Disco Stu, riding on rails as would a Hobo, from the land of DuPont.

    6. user-of-owls

      So Prommie, you think you could give Mrs. Owls a call and tell her all this stuff? Cuz I'm just sure she'd let me take up drinking again if she understood what was going on here.

      1. prommie

        You need to take up some far far worse habit, like crack or crank, and then she will be releived when you go back to just drinking. That ploy ALWAYS works.

  4. PhilippePetain

    Well duh if the occupados would just get a bunch of these, some natty and some tailgates to sit on, they would be virtually indistinguishable from Sandusky supporters and therefore perfectly awesome Americans. You have to know the rules of the game you're playing, pinkos.

      1. MMathS

        FOR SALE.

        One Joe Biden "CHEERS CHAMP" koozie. Purports to be union made (but I would guess only the printing was done by a union shop and the koozie was hand-stitched by the children of Chinese political prisoners). Only minor use because current owner has been forced to resort to hard liquor almost exclusively.

        $9 (note that this is a discount from the "Biden Bubble" price of $10).

  5. SorosBot

    Biden is the Cheers champ? But I thought he was from Delaware, not Boston; and while Senators John Kerry and Gary Hart both had cameos I don't remember Joe every appearing.

  6. paris biltong

    The rulers are amusing themselves, selling swag while the people rise up. Happened before, with dire consequences, usually.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Still, you've got to admit that the Ancien Régime's "The Louvre is for Lovers" and "The Seine is for Sinners" baseball caps with beer cans fastened to both sides were pretty cool.

      1. paris biltong

        The most recent police raid highlighted on the evening news was targeted at miniature Eiffel Towers, made in China, shipped through Belgium and sold under the actual tower by African street vendors. They seized like hundreds of thousands of them. It got treated by the media as almost as meaningful as a major drug bust.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Not surprised. I was working in Paris last year for a stretch. My kids came to see me, and they wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower. (Not as much of a disappointment as I feared it might be – my son liked it more than the Louvre, but not as much as the Sexion d'assaut CDs he's been hooked on ever since.) But it was simply astonishing how many rough looking vendors were around, hawking enormous rings of miniature Eiffel towers of different sizes. It was evident from the prices they were offering, the unbelievably low "fallback" prices they would offer if you started walking away, and just the sheer number of vendors everywhere and the way they were interacting that what was going on wasn't completely above-board.

          1. Chichikovovich

            Hey, you're right. That's probably where my signature Joe Biden wallet with "I'll buy this round guys" on it went! And Jofranka seemed like such a sweet, honest street urchin.

            Good thing I only kept receipts there. I knew Paris could be unsafe, so I took a cue from the Louis Dega/Dustin Hoffman character in Papillon and kept all my valuables ….um … never mind.

          2. Negropolis

            That was something that struck me about Paris. The peddlers are aggressive as hell. I had one almost get in a physical confrontation with me without even provocking it. I had a one near the Sacre Coeur that was really pleasant, and even shocked me with his knowledge of my homestate, but overall, they seemed really desperate and it sometimes came off as threatening. I was also really kind of shocked by the housing conditions where these immigrants are forced to live. Paris ain't all rainbows and sunshine, let me tell you.

          3. paris biltong

            Sorry you had a bad experience. They can seem a little uppity at times, especially if you are an American tourist.
            The way undocumented immigrants are treated here is an embarrassment, mitigated somewhat by the fact they they get free medical care and education for their children.

          4. Negropolis

            Uppity is not at all the word I'd use for them — again, I'd describe them as aggressive –, and I didn't have a bad experience in Paris. My overall experience was absolutely wonderful. That said, I've never encountered more aggressive pandhandlers and hawkers; the only city that even comes close in my experience was San Francisco. I swear, we'd get off the buses at the tourist sites and we'd literally be more than halfway surrounded by two dozen trinket sellers. My only point was that every city has their problems, and that a lot of Americans don't know about Paris' problems because the city is incredibly romanticized, over here.

  7. tihond

    I can't wait to put this on my election collectibles with my G.W. Bush "Major League Asshole" foam finger.

    1. Rotundo_

      Cool concept! Is the Cheney version stained to comemorate his hand being up Bonny Prince Dubya's ass for 8 long years or is it rendered in "flesh" like the Bush one. Of course it could be in corpse white considering Heartless Dick isn't alive by some standards.

  8. Goonemeritus

    Sorry but my wife after reviewing our household budget has unilaterally zeroed the family swag line item. More alarmingly I just received a text from her saying she wants to review the number of electronic devices issued to family members at dinner tonight.

    1. paris biltong

      Ustream is awsome, especially now that this Tim guy is talking a little less. "Fifty unmarked police vehicles passing by right now." Obviously not very successfully unmarked

      1. DaRooster

        Were they ever… you always knew, "Hey, there's a cop behind us." At night… in the rain… and I'm blind… drunk… oh and 16…

    2. GOPCrusher

      I would expect the Daily Caller to report that the liberal, union thugs of the NYPD were just trying to suppress their attempts to accurately report on the Occupy terrorist organization.

    1. Negropolis

      I want my WTF (Win the Future) button. I heard that shipment of them was put on hold after the Republicans cancelled the future during the debt ceiling debacle.

    1. BornInATrailer

      Wait a second… until they finally made the draught bottle, I think an exception needs to be made for Guinness.

      1. Sharkey

        Mmmmm, they still have it in draft and bottles though, I find the cans generally are stale (despite the plastic floaty thing) so I won't buy cans anymore. Haven't tried Boddingtons yet and I've heard good things, so maybe all is not lost for cans!

    2. OneDollarJuana

      Sharkey, you're missing out on a sea-change in craft beers. There is an increasing number of high-quality beer coming in cans. The plus side? Lighter containers, not light-struck, easier to open. The minus side? Same goddam high price.

      But get some anyway. For example, Ranger IPA is my latest favorite.

    1. BornInATrailer

      Maybe we've misinterpreted the purpose of this and what we have here is some sort of Uncle Joe fleshlight product.

    2. snackypants

      And I thought I was the only one whose family referred to a girl's parts as a "koozie." The word still gives me the skeeves.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    I've got a can holder — it's at the end of my arm. Can we instead purchase a GOP candidate advent calendar, with maybe little surveyor's marks that we can close over each one as he/she disappears into obscurity?

  10. natoslug

    And a big thank you to NYPD for providing me with a good fucking reason to stay the hell away from NY this year. I'm spending the family vacation dollars somewhere else this year (assuming I don't have to spend it all on a proper Mad Max car).

    1. DaRooster

      Come to the Nor Cal coast… Beautiful coastline… windy roads to get here (plenty of puke stops along the way for the kiddies)… but please PLEASE… use the turnouts to let locals by… they know the road.

      1. natoslug

        Any further north on the Nor Cal coast and I'm in Oregon. Unless you count Orick, Trees of Mystery and Crescent City. And I'm never counting Orick or the Trees of Mystery, and Crescent City is suspect unless there's a surf competition going on.

  11. KeepFnThatChicken

    I thought we were supposed to butt-hurt the Junk Plastic Shit lobby… unless it's convenient for the campaign? I call foul.

  12. glamourdammerung

    I actually would throw in some money for a trinket with Biden that said "Big Fucking Deal" on it. Though that is about the only way their campaign would get money from me at this point.

  13. weejee

    Hear that Pat Buchanan has had enough of the Repug false pretenders and is going to start his own campaign. Just to show how tech savy ol' Pat is, he'll be offering personalized 5 meg hard drives as swag for the fist thousand six-figure contributors.

    1. V572625694

      Ah, ye take me back, sonny, to the days when I had to get the company president's approval to buy a 1-gigabyte hard drive so we could load all of the topographic data for Fort Benning on one disk. It cost $6,000 and was the size of a toaster. Computer worshippers in MacWorld said you should probably put it on a marble slab so it wouldn't be juddered by earthquakes or whatever, and maybe put some crystals around it to deflect the negative energy. These were the dark days of 1990 or so, when engineering companies which had never bought anything more expensive than an IBM Selectric III for their employees to use were being asked to shell out thousands here and there to assholes like me who threatened to quit if we couldn't have the latest toys.

  14. OneYieldRegular

    I'm holding out for an official Herman Cain "I got all this stuff twirling around in my head" mood ring.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      How about a "Oops" wash cloth imprinted with Ricky P's face? A special Mojito glass that reads, "I speak Cuban." Or a foreclosure sign with Mittens face saying, "Corporations are people, too."

      I really, really, really, like that third one. I think the campaign could make some serious money is they'd roll with my ideas.

      OT–anyone see Princess Nancy's response to Perry's debate challenge?

      I've been busy then ill and haven't been around much. When did the ass-licking (phrase from the title song of "Marat/Sade" which isn't on DVD, or so says Netflix) trolls show up?

    1. Bluestatelibel

      Does he realize that some of those Secret Service might be women? And, more importantly, that'd it be pretty stupid to try to sexually assault them?

      1. savethispatient

        Yes, also as a Republican candidate he should have a concealed weapons licence so be able to defend himself.

  15. user-of-owls

    When my whiny little 5-year old niece asks why she got a White House koozie for Christmas I'm gonna tell her, "Hey, I didn't have to fight the crowds, or even leave home. Quit your bitchin' already."

    Then, if my cheapo brother gives me another lousy present, I'm gonna call Child Protective Services and ask if forcing your kid to look at Joe Biden's death grin every day constitutes psychological abuse.

    1. DaRooster

      She'll quit bitchin' after she realizes just how cold it keeps her beerz… course, you gotta twist the cap for her as 5 year olds are weak.

      1. user-of-owls

        Not ours. The annual Thanksgiving Shiv-Your-Cousin Contest (10 and under division) thins out the weaklings very effectively.

  16. sbj1964

    I'll take a 100 cartons of Beer Koozies in the rose Garden ! We have an administration that likes BEER! And a President that can pronounce the word Nuclear ! After 8 years of W cool !

  17. iburl

    I'm sure that the 1% of the Democratic primary voters who voted for Biden in the 2008 primaries will appreciate this koozie.

    Am I supposed to understand what CHKKERS CHAMP means?

  18. user-of-owls

    Fox commentators' observations that the NYC police are displaying "remarkable restraint" really miss the mark in my opinion. I mean the Full Nelson is a decent enough restraint, but I'd hardly call it 'remarkable.'

  19. Negropolis

    Wait, wait. This means that Obama's morally weak, right? I always get this mixed up.

    BTW, you don't have to spend $10 for a can holder, you can get one from Herman Cain for free if you're a lady of conventionally passable attractiveness, apparently.

    the latest updates report that protesters at Zuccotti Park were barricaded in by police

    I couldn't be the only one that thought this as soon as they decided to put the fence around. This was kind of a given. Zuccotti Park is not a protest site, anymore; it's a pen, and if I have any advice for those down there, it's that it's time to find another spot because you're being tracked and photographed even more than you were before they penned you in. Soylent Zuccotti is…people! GTF outta there.

    1. datateday

      Well, I see the altext has been fixed now so I won't complain further. Also, the name doesn't make sense. I just wanted something that rolled off the tongue and into your heart. If it doesn't already do that for you, I'm not going to keep trying. Good day, kind sir and/or madam.

  20. DustBowlBlues

    It isn't all bad news. I found my recipe for Ken's cranberry relish. Wisely, I saved it on the computer. Has he posted it yet? If not, why not? It's as great as he says.

    1. not that Dewey

      "Wonkette's Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business" — I'm still laughing about that from last Thxgiving.

          1. not that Dewey

            I managed to stay sober long enough to get the food INTO the oven. I don't remember what happened after that.

          2. Mumbletypeg

            That's "Ken Layne's Cranberry Business," which I find more satisfying to say. If I recall correctly, he dusts it off and posts it every other Tky-Day or so. I know it's older than 2010 because I remember where I was reading it some jobs ago, trying not to hiccough/ crack-up w/ laughter too obviously under my very watchful boss-lady at the time he 1st put it up here.

          3. user-of-owls

            I disagree. The issue of how drunk Dewey was is actually none of Ken Layne's Damn Cranberry Business!

  21. ttommyunger

    Saw Biden's kid on C-Span the other day. He is Delaware AG, former Marine JAG Officer. He made more sense in 30 minutes than Joe has made in as many years. Nothing better than having a son grow up to be better than the old man in every way; at least that's how I feel.

  22. sati_demise

    Even that Michelle Obama sent me a fb note today to donate. So I sent a thank you note:

    Its always all about you, Michelle, and the Obama family.

    But not today.

    1. Negropolis

      Let's get something straight, Michelle didn't send that to you. Her office didn't even send it to you. Let's stop the personal pettiness.

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