crocodile tears

Oppressed Wall Streeters Do Not Care For These Mean Protesters

Here is video from Salon’s Justin Elliot of protesters having a merry little tussle this morning near the New York Stock Exchange, where cops have arrested as many as 75 protesters so far, for the crime of making it slightly more difficult for Wall Street employees to get to work, the most illegal thing in America right now.

Protesters converged on the Financial District in hopes of disrupting or delaying the opening bell of the stock market without luck in that particular endeavor, but the barricades and swarms of 99 percenters made “corrupt business as usual” a little tougher. And boy those employees think social justice is lame, when it is inconvenient (which is always)! The excellent OWS liveblog from the Guardian has some fun quotes from the crabby Wall Streeters:

Only employees with company ID are being allowed through. Workers, already blocked from leaving the subway at their usual exits are tutting and exhaling at police officers directing them away from streets closed because of the march.

There was little sympathy for the occupy movement here. “I’ve been trying to get to work for half an hour, they should throw them all in jail,” one woman said as she approached Exchange Place, where protesters had gathered and were sitting in a circle telling stories of economic hardship.

A man in a suit waiting to be allowed through a police barricade told his friend: “Don’t worry they’ll all get arrested in a minute.” Groups of protesters gathered in the streets parallel to Wall street, singing and chanting behind barriers.

Of course, not all of the financial types were in a massive hurry to get to work. A couple of them still had time to pull out their angry signs for some teevee cameras, to make an important point:

Yes, go get one of those jobs, that don’t exist! (Although, it bears repeating that 70% of OWS protesters have employment, compared to 56% of Tea Party idjits.) But anyway, forget these sad-faced slobs. Protesters are regrouping at Zuccotti Park despite the barricades, hooray! [NYT/Guardian/Salon]

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  • Barb

    Fuck them with a remote-controlled pink dildo.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Tranny model.

      • RadiosTyrone

        Rusty chainsaw model.

        • KeepFnThatChicken

          Sideways model.

          • Gleem_McShineys

            With salted rat Koch flavored lube.

          • KeepFnThatChicken

            You mean Dr. V1m's Extra-Gritty Habañero-flavored K-Y™? Mmmmm I am moist now!

          • Gleem_McShineys

            Yes! Would you like a hydrochloric acid Colonic/Apéritif with that?

          • tessiee

            "Sideways"

            They shouldn't be without a sensation.

    • flamingpdog

      predator drone model

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        Ruby-laser-guided-to-singe-the-taint-hair-first model

  • nounverb911

    "Bring on the charrettes and guillotines."
    –Madame deFarge

  • mrpuma2u

    Hey wall street evil parasitic lampreys! The OWS folks have a job, it's busting your greedy grifter asses!

    • Ruhe

      Dude, that's not a job, that's a divine calling, a grace bestowed avocation! Did anybody check to see if those two douche bags were actually employed on Wall Street? Or weren't they more likely Fox News plants?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Hey Mr "Get A Job" guy. I would have a job but you arrogant deluded incompetent motherfuckers destroyed it.

    • CapeClod

      How about, "You only have a job because we saved it for you."?

  • Fare la Volpe

    Truly there is no species more oppressed today than the Great White Male.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Just don't get too close to them during feeding time.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Yeah, that does raise a question: If they have a job, why the fuck aren't they doing it?

      SLACKERS! GET BACK TO WORK AND PORK MY 401K SOME MORE.

    • flamingpdog

      Moby Dickless.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Occupy This, ya mutherfucker [grabs crotch]

    • Fare la Volpe

      Don't tempt them – these are Republicans after all.

    • chicken_thief

      That queen holding the "Occupy a Desk" sign looks like he'd love to take you up on your offer.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Proof that money doesn't buy class, taste or tact.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Indeed, it is the only thing that never did.

    • Joshua Norton

      Palm Beach is physical proof of that.

    • prommie

      As I have heard it said, "Money doesn't care who has it." Money is like Honey Badger, in that way, Money just don't give a shit.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Are these guys the same ones from the balcony with the champagne? If not, they'll have to wait their turn and be in the second group up against the wall. Shoulda used part of that Daddy Scholarship to take a course in eighteenth century French history.

    • real_dc_native

      We need a long wall and automatic weapons – don't want to keep anyone like this waiting for justice.

  • Baconzgood

    Get a Job? What the fuck? Is this guy my father? Next they will hold signs like "Cut your Hair" and "Mow the lawn".

    • Fare la Volpe

      They left the signs from your mother at home: "When are you getting married?" "Why don't you call anymore?" "You'd look so handsome if you wore more ties."

      • poncho_pilot

        don't forget the signs from your grandmother: "are you…gay?" "are you ON DRUGS? you must be on DRUGS." "be careful, there are black people out there."*

        *last one is an actual quote from my grandmother.

        • KeepFnThatChicken

          a reluctant, empathic upfist I give you.

          • poncho_pilot

            thanks. i forgot another actual quote: "are you in a cult?"

            ok. i feel better now.

          • not that Dewey

            Well? Are you?

          • poncho_pilot

            i comment on Wonkette.

          • not that Dewey

            Touche'

        • chicken_thief

          The alert from my granny, as we pulled into a 7-11, in whispered tones, was: "there's knee-GROWS on the corner!". There was, in fact, 3 or 4 sweaty* 10 to 12 yr olds standing around slurping Big Gulps.

          *Looked like they'd just finished playing hoops at the school down the street.

          • poncho_pilot

            do we have the same grandmother? i lived two blocks from a rec. center and two blocks from a 7-11.

        • tessiee

          ""be careful, there are black people out there."*

          *last one is an actual quote from my grandmother."

          Mine used to say, "What if there's a crazy man in the bushes with an axe?", which… um… is pretty crazy, just not particularly racist.

  • CapeClod

    Why don't you get a job and occupy a desk in a field where honest labor is appreciated?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      I swear, when you said "occupy a desk in a field," I thought of something completely different

      • Gleem_McShineys

        ITS

        • tessiee

          TAX… ALL… PEOPLE… STANDING… IN… WATER!

          *looks down, realizes he is standing in water*

          NO!!!!

  • SexySmurf

    "Get an Original Insult!"

  • widestanceshakedown

    I can't make out what the signs say, so I'll assume they both have arrows and say, "I'm with stupid"

  • Callyson

    Get "a" job? How cute, those 1%ers actually think that people can live on only one job: everyone I know who has a job is either moonlighting or just barely scraping by…
    Assholes.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    These are the same guys that would have stood in line to join the SS in 1930's Germany.

    • Fare la Volpe

      But their uniforms were so chic!

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        I'm sure it's never occurred to the 1% (and their immediate lackeys) that they might be the baddies.

        • CommieLibunatic

          I heard one on of these guys This American Life going on about how they benefited from the bailout because they were "smart." Too stuck up to know or care that they're being compared to Ba'ath Party loyalists.

      • tessiee

        And why not? They were designed by Hugo Boss:
        http://www.cracked.com/article_15767_third-reich-

    • Chichikovovich

      Naw, because that might require them to fight, or sacrifice in some other way. They would be the rising capitalists getting wealthy liquidating seized Jewish property and finding ways to obtain raw materials from neutral countries. The people who would tut-tut at Kristallnacht, and express "regret that things got so out of hand", "out of an excess of enthusiasm and love of the Führer. Understandable, to be sure, but these things should be done in an orderly way. The Führer will certainly convey his displeasure at the most serious offenders." The people who will wince and shake their heads gently when their Swedish contact for iron ore shipments touches on the topic of deportations and disappearances "Yes, there are excesses, and those are very regrettable. Of course, there is no doubt that something must be done to address the Jewish Question, but I agree completely with you that [specific outrage just mentioned] was unnecessary and I'm sure the officers have been reprimanded." The people who want to cultivate the illusion that they are above all the most despicable of the acts, while facilitating, profiting handsomely from, and (in general, not always in specific) encouraging them all the way.

      That's what kind of people these are.

      • Fare la Volpe

        I have a raging histori-boner right now. Well done.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        I stand corrected!

      • tessiee

        With perhaps a discreetly murmured aside about how some of Those People were so *strident* and *confrontational*, that, well… [trails off and doesn't *quite* say that you can't really blame the SS]

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    TEAR DOWN THE WALL!

    • fuflans

      very very nice.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I believe it's time for my very fancy steel-toed boot to occupy some jackass Wall Streeters' backside. Repeatedly, and with great fervor.

  • Trannysurprise

    If the protesters whack those assholes over the head with a bat they could probably have their jobs. Job creators!

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Quite likely, it would show ambition, drive and the competitive instinct necessary to thrive in the current business environment.

  • elviouslyqueer

    "Occupy a Desk." The razor-sharp wit, it slays me.

    • Numbat_Dundee

      Perhaps they SHOULD occupy a desk – his desk.

      • tessiee

        That's undoubtedly all HE does with it. It's not like these assbites do any real work or produce anything of value.

        • MilwaukeeKent

          Hey! Moving money from one account to another while pocketing part of it isn't hard work? Just look at the muscles on those index fingers!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Does that second sign say "Occupy a Dock" ?

    Are these Wall Street guys or out of work Ferryboat Captains?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Dok it to me?

    • poncho_pilot

      i think it says, "Coccupy a Dick."

  • coolhandnuke

    I want to take the two sign holders and bury them up to their necks in my yard, then introduce them to my John Deere riding lawn mower. Or maybe my old rusty push rotating blade mower might do the job–more strenuous yes, yet deliciously satisfying.

    • CommieLibunatic

      I'd rather let them live so they can learn the meaning of regret.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh right. Like these motherfuckers know any other emotion than untrammeled greed.

      • Numbat_Dundee

        They'd feel plenty of regret as the blades of the lawn mower approached – surely?

    • flamingpdog

      Old Wall Street: fire workers.
      New Wall Street: fire ants.

  • kissawookiee

    They're just patriotic job creators advertising job openings they have created at their job-creating companies, right?

    Because otherwise they're just being dildos.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Slightly OT, but how it is that the Guardian UK has been able to do a far better job of reporting on OWS than any stateside media outlet (with all due respect to Riley's one person news corp., of course)?

    • real_dc_native

      Congressman Peter King explained this on Laura Ingram's radio show last month:

      “It’s really important for us not to give any legitimacy to these people in the streets, I remember what happened in the 1960s when the left-wing took to the streets and somehow the media glorified them and it ended up shaping policy. We can’t allow that to happen.”

  • Schmannnity

    What is Hank Williams Junior's take on this?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Are you ready for some "1%ing?"

      • Schmannnity

        All my oligarch friends are comin' over tonight.

    • RadiosTyrone

      Those guys are like Hitler and Bernie Madoff going golfing?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      "Got it Mr. Junior! One question, is that 'derp' with one 'r' or two?"

    • tessiee

      He gon' shoot somethin'.

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    Sigh…Free speech is so inconvenient. I do wish someone in authority would do something about that.

  • mookwrthwilson

    The asshats with the signs should be occupying a cell.

  • catchtheflava

    It's ironic that people with socially detrimental, made-up "jobs" in the financial industry (which seems to consist mostly of legal loan sharking and betting nowadays) would lecture others on the importance of work.

    Suggestions:
    1. Change slogan to "Make up your own job!" or "Pursue morally dubious paths to success!"
    2. Don't borrow neon-green posterboard from Junior, he needs it for his school project

    • Oblios_Cap

      "I got mine – fuck everybody else".

    • CommieLibunatic

      I've never trusted anyone who made a living from an abstraction. Their "job" doesn't even produce anything or perform some act that nobody else can.

      No snark here. I'm afraid it's impossible to muster in the face of such sneering, unrepentant evil.

      • GOPCrusher

        The fact that they call what they do "work", defies all the laws of physical science.

        • tessiee

          And logic, and ethics, and economics…

  • CapeClod

    People who wear satin orange creamsicle ties shouldn't try to draw more attention to themselves.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      It looks disturbingly fleshy colored on my monitor.
      Makes me think of the yo dawg meme about putting a car in your car.
      Only here, its dicks.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Is that guy on the left wearing a CAMELHAIR topcoat?

    • Fare la Volpe

      More proof of creeping Shariah.

  • user-of-owls

    Based on the title on the first video, I think it's clear that Ward needs to have a talk with the Beave.

  • ttommyunger

    I would have to give them high marks for spelling AND dickishness, with extra credit for general douchebaggery.

  • Arken

    HAPPENING RIGHT NOW: POLICE HAVE SURROUNDED ZUCOTTI PARK, NOT LETTING ANYONE LEAVE!

    At least one protester has been beaten (his head is bloodied) and there are reports of more police beatings and shoving.

    There's a live video stream from a protester on the outside of the police barricade here- http://www.ustream.tv/theother99

    • Fare la Volpe

      Ahhh, I love the smell of fascism in the morning.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Looking at those two, I guess the "Lucky Sperm" theory of success only relates to one's social and monied status and not to looks and personality.

  • prommie

    I want better broadband.

    • tessiee

      I want better meritocracy.

  • stopthemovie

    I see douchbags opened big on wallstreet this morning.

    • chicken_thief

      I almost wished the economy would tank just a tad more so some bank would fail. Preferably Goldman Sachs, just to see these fuckers whine and moan when they go out the door with nothing – no job, no golden parachute, no investments left.

      Unless, of course, they went short on GS stock.

      • GOPCrusher

        Sadly, they have replaced the windows in skyscrapers with the kind that do not open.

      • tessiee

        "I almost wished the economy would tank just a tad more so some bank would fail. Preferably Goldman Sachs"

        *crosses fingers on both hands*
        Bank of America, Bank of America, Bank of America…

  • user-of-owls

    Gee willikers, guys! I sure hope the nanny you're paying a starvation wage to isn't watching the TV right now. You know, while she's preparing your progeny's lunch or something.

  • freakishlywrong

    I know righties reinvent history and stuff, but, maybe when you're outnumbered by 100 to 1, you may want to start acting a little less cornholish. (Though, I think it's too late).

  • Chichikovovich

    Beg pardon in advance for reusing an old post, but every time I see slime mold like those pictured holding the signs I can't resist the urge to repeat it. It's my go-to response when talking to "OWS are moochers" types. [It is true, Chichikovna and I are close friends with the three physicians described.]:

    Several friends of mine in NYC go to the OWS every day, when they're not working. The three of them are all pediatric oncologists that my wife met in med school. You know, people who do everything they can to save kids from dying of cancer?

    What do you do for a living Mr. Non-moocher?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Now Chichi, he Occupies a Desk, making him a Very Important Job Creator. Your piddling pediatric oncologist friends only merely save lives, but they don't occupy a desk. Therefore, Not Important.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Huh, pediatric oncologists? How many screens do they have on their desks?

      See that guy on the right? He has eight screens on his desk. Eight. And you know what they show? Fucking graphs, man, and some tables of figures highlighted in red and green. What do your friends have? Oh, MRI scans – la de da. Patient notes. Ha! GRAPHS!

      You know what else that guy on the right does? Shouts into phones all day. Yeah, that's right, shouts into phones. What do your friends do? Have "quiet talks" with some parents when they're not playing with children, delivering "diagnoses" and "prognoses". Not a shout be to heard.

      EIGHT SCREENS motherfucker. WITH GRAPHS!

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        Wow. I had no idea David Fucking Mamet posted here as "Fukui_sanYesOta."

  • prommie

    I hope those wall-streeters all meet up with Jerry Sandusky in a shower someday and he engages in "horseplay" with them.

    • GOPCrusher

      May already have. Reports are that "horseplay" on the Penn State campus may have occurred as far back as 1970.

    • tessiee

      Maybe they'll meet up with Really Big Bubba in a prison shower, and *he'll* do the horseplay.

  • SorosBot

    "they should throw them all in jail,"

    Yes, inconveniencing our corporate masters should be a criminal offense. Assholes.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It's the American way. That's why we're so Egg-Ceptional!

    • user-of-owls

      Hey, be fair! She had been waiting for half an hour!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Are we sure they didn't mean the financial people? Because, then, I think we would all agree with that sentiment.

    • GOPCrusher

      Then they would complain that their tax dollars are going to provide them three hots and a cot. Health care. And orange jumpsuits.

  • Eve8Apples

    Why didn't Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum demand that Wall Street pull itself up by its bootstraps in the fall of 2008 instead of groveling for a government bailout?

  • poncho_pilot

    the Tea Party stereotypes on that link? not cheeto-colored or fat enough. stop being so polite, WE Party.

    why does spell check tell me i'm wrong for not capitalizing brand names? fuck frito-lay.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    My expert hand writing analysis of the financial type's signs tells me that the two men are bed wetters, beat their wifes (all 3 of them) and are addicted to Rogan.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Seth, or minoxidil?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    "Get a job."

    PROVIDE ONE, GODDAMN YOU!!

    • tessiee

      My train passed a fair number of Occupy Portland protestors on a bridge this morning. At least a dozen of them held up signs that said, "WE WANT JOBS", or some variation of same.

      I'm sensing a possible solution.

  • actor212

    Those gentlemen cannot be 1%ers! No one wears a camelhair coat in November!

    • chicken_thief

      I've heard that you can tell the really rich by their overcoat – they don't own one.

      • actor212

        Like the guy on the right.

      • tessiee

        "they don't own one."

        Do they have green snorkel parkas like the one Dick Cheney wears to solemn occasions?

  • Come here a minute

    I guess the streets are public in the sense of "publicly traded stocks". You can buy them, but you've got to pay the one-percenters for the privilege.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Who paid these out-of-work alcoholics to buy suits and carry these signs – pretty sure I can see bar-table stains on them…."um, sure, Mr. Koch, we'd be happy to help out – can we get another round first?…thanks, just put it on his tab…"…

  • CommieLibunatic

    I know I've said it before, but they should be hung by their entrails and paraded around Zuccotti Park.

  • flamingpdog

    Just more proof that we needz less hopey-changey thing, moar chokey-hangy thing.

  • Nesnora

    Col. Mustard and Mr. Green's milquetoast "backlash" isn't any different than the grumpy-racist-myopic-grandfather complaints over the anti-war and civil rights movements in the 60's…

    What I find hilarious are the efforts to discredit the movement by calling them "unwashed masses" and unemployed hippies… they seem to have missed that the whole point of this is revealing the extreme social divides and elitist policies that protect only the rights of the people that can buy it.

    So go ahead, I hope more suits come out and emphasize their unapologetic, Ayn Randian values. As someone who works in midtown, I'm happy to call-in with any travel delays I have because other Americans are out in the freezing rain takin' tons of bullshit for my democracy. I think it's the least I can do, besides donating remnants of my paycheck.

    • GOPCrusher

      I like the assumption that the protesters engage in violent activities and therefore, the police and National Guard should be sent in to crack some skulls to break up the protests.

  • El Pinche

    Are those two douchebags standing there waiting to get their asses wiped again. We bailed you out, you big ole dummies!

  • Millennial Malaise

    I guess these lucky job-havers couldn't afford more than one marker, huh? Saves everyone the trouble of having to read the signs and subsequently run your asses back into your office.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    so that's what douc*he bags with signs, look like, nice neon green, also ….

  • Guppy

    The peasants are revolting!

  • DahBoner

    This means the proletariat is starting to annoy America's Kings…

  • Operalala

    My sign to the overpaid desk warmers:

    "Get a REAL job"

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Careful now, wouldn't want to get blood on that camelhair coat!

  • tessiee

    Part 1:
    You guys, I'm home from work and watching the coverage of Occupy Portland, but unfortunately, the only channel that's carrying the coverage is Fox News (puke*puke*puke). The blond ditz who's narrating is giving us deathless reportage like this:
    Some fuck: It looks like there's one person who got pepper sprayed.
    Some other fuck: Yes, and he appears to be in a great deal of pain.
    My brain: No fucking duh, sherlock!
    Fuck (continuing): Although it's not clear whether that person was pepper sprayed by police or other protestors…
    You know, because it's really a rarity for protestors to be pepper sprayed by police, and really a commonplace for protestors to get pepper sprayed by *other protestors*, right?Fox Fuck: Officer Whozis, at what point is it not OK for protestors to get confrontational with police officers?
    Which I translated as, "At what point is it OK for armed police officers in riot gear to gas, beat, and arrest protestors for behaving in an unseemly manner?"

  • tessiee

    Part 2:
    To his credit, I will say that Officer Whozis said that part of the police officer's job was *not* to react to verbal provocation, or anything short of being physically attacked, but I don't think I can stand to watch anymore of this sort of "coverage", even though it's probably my civic duty.
    *raises hand*
    May I be excused now, please?

  • tessiee

    I'm sure that if this were a Teabagger rally, the wall street douches would *still* be acting like unbelievable pricks, right?

  • tessiee

    Oh, great, now I have that Offspring song stuck in my head.