THE USUAL SUSPECTS  1:56 pm November 16, 2011

Did Bum Who Maybe Visited #OccupyDC Shoot At White House?

by Wonkette Jr.

And where was Bo on the night of Friday, November 11?It would be helpful to the authorities if some of these Occupy protesters would do something a little more guilty than being an Iraq veteran shot in the head by a policeman, wouldn’t it? Let’s see let’s see, did anything weird happen about a week ago that could be conclusively linked to Wall Street’s desire to have all these protesters rounded up and shipped to Gitmo? Oh yes, here’s something: Last Friday, shots were fired from somewhere in Washington D.C., which has never happened before, and a slug was later found lodged in a plexiglass safety window of the White House.

The bullet very nearly killed Barack Obama, who was at a hotel in San Diego raising money on his way to Asia. The Secret Service had the awesome luck to hear the shots fired from around the Ellipse on Friday night, and then see a certain car they knew would have been the source of the shooting, and then find that same car abandoned on the same street (Constitution Avenue) it had just been driving on, and also there was an assault rifle in this very car, which was also registered to a scary suspect who might’ve gone to the #OccupyDC rally. Still, the Secret Service was busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll, so it took them until late yesterday to find a bullet.

The New York Times has this account:

Secret Service agents heard multiple shots fired on Friday and witnessed a car speeding away, westbound, on Constitution Avenue, according to a law enforcement official. The car and a weapon were found, abandoned, at a corner of Constitution Avenue and 23rd Street within a couple of minutes, this official said.

And what about the suspect on the loose? Well, obviously, police say he was at the #OccupyDC protest. And he is also a scary, bearded Mexican person who does drugs and beats his wife and has scary tattoos and also got in trouble for “squatting,” just like those #OWS bums always do. Seriously, all this is in the New York Times story, and also on the Park Service police website. The only part that is not perfect is that the suspect apparently has a giant tattoo on his neck that says “ISRAEL.” But this surely has nothing to do with Israeli agents making mischief in the United States again, and is probably just prison slang for “I Hate Capitalism.” UPDATE: They arrested the dude. [NYT]

 
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{ 135 comments }

OCcupied_Surf_Serf November 16, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Since Obama announced increased U.S. military presence in Australia I am also going to pull it outta my ass and say kangaroos…

weejee November 16, 2011 at 3:36 pm

The roos, eh. Not those sneakier than sneaky koalas? Beneath all that cutsie they can be quite nasty at times. Also, collectively 40 of them don't have the IQ of a moth. Seems that is the down side of sole-sourcing Eucalyptus leaves for your diet – a product otherwise used to make wood preservative. On the upside they traded their gray cells for detox and have livers that would put Keef Richards to shame. Obvs they're with you as party animals.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I bleev they have a nasty habit of pissing on people. Not that I blame them. If those rhinosceri had pissed on the fucking poachers, we would not have two more subspecies go extinct last week.

Negropolis November 16, 2011 at 11:45 pm

What are they hiding in their pouches, anyway, hengh?

GunToting[Redacted] November 16, 2011 at 1:59 pm

When I read the comments on the WSJ page (I know, I know…) they all speculated that it HAD to be someone associated either with the OWS movement, or perhaps the people who opposed the pipeline issue. Yeah, I don't see how we could speculate that it might be one of the AR-totin' Tea Party assholes!

Oh, and the other comment was "Why does the Secret Service have a spokesperson?!? We need to start cutting jobs!!!!!"

Not_So_Much November 16, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Why does any agency have spokespersons? If they didn't have to tell us stupid people what they were doing all the time, our economy would probably be awesome right now.

(But honestly, there isn't enough firepower around there to keep a random car from pulling up to the curb and firing away –OR– they can't catch it once it happens? Seems odd…)

Baconzgood November 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

WHY DOES THE SECRETE SERVICE HAVE A SPOKE PERSON INDEED?!?!?!?! Secrete. Service. BUILD THE DAMN WALL ALREADY!!!!!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 3:50 pm

They are secret, after all.

ManchuCandidate November 16, 2011 at 2:00 pm

All he needs to make him US America's greatest enemy is "My Buddies went to Afghanistan to help Al-Qaeda and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" T-Shirt.

edgydrifter November 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I heard if you look at his tattoo upside-down it reads "SOROSRULZ."

Beetagger November 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I'm pretty sure is was Steve Doocey. He's a terrible shot.

WunkRocker November 16, 2011 at 2:05 pm

O r Dick Cheney.

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Someone needs to tell Cheney that Dan Quail isn't in the White House.

justkillmenow November 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Back, and to the left…back, and to the left…

Pat_Pending November 16, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Which explains why Gretchen Carlson always looks like she just received a 'facial'

jqheywood November 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Whenever I think of Gretchen, which thank the FSM is not often, I hear this couplet running through my head:


She said that she worked for the ABC news
which is as much of the alphabet as she new how to use

chascates November 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm

ISRAEL is a pretty common name amongst Mexican wife-beating dopeheads.

Oblios_Cap November 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Especially if their wife is named Palestina.

ShitFilledExistence November 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Those pics make it look like they could've, uh, nabbed him right there..

johnnyzhivago November 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Where is the NRA on this?? Since when is it illegal go hunting or shoot a drug dealer in Downtown DC??

CrankyLttlCamperette November 16, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Wait, you mean this isn't why they got the handgun law repealed?

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:19 pm

NRA? National Restaurant Association? You mean HERMAN CAIN might have done this? Oh, noes!

Not_So_Much November 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Isn't everything bad that's happening linked to we Occupy hippies? Hasn't former Penn State Coach Sandusky's disgusting weiner been one of the leaders of the entire movement since 1997?

MzNicky November 16, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I actually had a wingnut explain to me yesterday that Sandusky is a Democrat because "isn't that the sort of thing you libs like, yet you give a total pass to Clinton who is a rapist, plus y'all are racist because of Herman Cain who was no worse than Sandusky, in fact better!" I think that was the gist of it, I was laughing too hard at the time.

Biff November 16, 2011 at 4:45 pm

This tortured logic is what keeps my little black book short and sweet.

Baconzgood November 16, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Hmmmmmm. Hemp smokin' hacky sack bongo drum circle against wealth discrepancy person OR some right wing nut that's being saying the POTUS is a socialist…..I'll go with Hempy dude having the assault rifle. How's 'bout jew?

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I see what you did there, BACONzgood. Jews are not likely to HAVE assault rifles, you TREYF PORK PRODUCT.

Biff November 16, 2011 at 4:48 pm

What, jew never heard of the Galil or Desert Eagle?

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 5:30 pm

So? Whose side are you on already?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm

You mean the right wing nuts fighting for the ascendancy of ISRAEL so as to fulfill some mumbo-jumbo from Revelations? Those right-wing nuts?

Naaaah.

MOG2410 November 17, 2011 at 2:18 pm

My Hempy friends couldn't load, much less fire an assault rifle. I'm voting TParty!

johnnyzhivago November 16, 2011 at 2:05 pm

It's a good bet there's a cell in Gitmo this idiot will be "OCCUPYING" for the next 100 years.

hagajim November 16, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Oh Idaho, Idaho, what have you done?

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm

A nutcase from Idaho? Go on!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Idaho did give us Butch Otter.

Biff November 16, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Also, Hayden Lake.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm

A confession? You da WUT?

finallyhappy November 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Is this another Dune reference?

Not_So_Much November 16, 2011 at 5:31 pm

"Ortega has a criminal record including arrests for domestic violence, drug offenses, assault on a police officer and underage alcohol possession, the Post reported."

yep — that sounds like one of our locals alrighty.

WunkRocker November 16, 2011 at 2:06 pm

re: Alt Text. Sure, blame it on the Black Dog.

jqheywood November 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm

More likely it was a blue dog…

SorosBot November 16, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Yep, someone shooting at the White House when a Democratic black man is President is probably a liberal, just like that guy who flew his plane into the White House during the Clinton administration.

OneYieldRegular November 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I'm glad someone else remembers that. It's the very first thing I thought of when a certain President of the United States said, just after 9/11, that "nobody in our government at least, and I don't the think the prior government, could envisage flying air planes into buildings."

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 2:06 pm

is said to have a history of aberrant behavior.

This is obviously either part of a massive libunitic plot or, if not, just an isolated incident.

johnnyzhivago November 16, 2011 at 2:25 pm

history of aberrant behavior === potential GOP Presidential Candidate!

user-of-owls November 16, 2011 at 2:34 pm

And the third possibility is…um, ah…the third possibility…er. Oops!

Oblios_Cap November 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Christ. Obama's channeling Eric Cantor now?

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2011 at 2:14 pm

*hat tip*

ifthethunderdontgetya November 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Still, the Secret Service was busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll, so it took them until late yesterday to find a bullet.

Bang The Drum Circle Slowly.
~

Pragmatist2 November 16, 2011 at 2:10 pm

The could have crows-sourced the search by having the Easter Egg hunt early and telling the kids that bullets are a special form of Easter egg.

justkillmenow November 16, 2011 at 2:46 pm

The White House needs to bring back the 50-state Easter Egg thing. That was some bad ass art. And hilarious.

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

When does Eric Cantor come in and breathlessly announce that the bullet was obviously meant for him?

Pragmatist2 November 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

He's a Moby (Circumscised) Dick fan. "Call me Israel"

Oblios_Cap November 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

RE: the photo. Don't Portuguese Water Dogs freeze in the winter time? Or can you throw salt on them to keep them slushy?

Nothingisamiss November 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm

God, you've just reminded me I want a margarita.

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm

God, you've just reminded me I need a margarita!

Margarita, would that be the Messican gun-shooter's wife?

finallyhappy November 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I seriously ordered 2 BO/ 2012 buttons

user-of-owls November 16, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Have you seen the guy's beard? That's not facial transcendence!

El Pinche November 16, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Wait! This vagrant had enough food stamps to buy a gun?? OOOOOOBAMA!!!!!!!!!!

johnnyzhivago November 16, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I thought the US was proud of making guns more affordable to more Americans!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Yes, but you are supposed to use your gun stamps for the guns, and your food stamps for liquor, smokes and Caddies. I thought everyone knew this.

Come here a minute November 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Probably just a Siouxsie and the Banshees fan.

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Ortega? Really? Is he related to that soshulist feller in Nigra-raugua?

CapeClod November 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I hope that C.J. Cregg wasn't standing at the window when the bullet hit.

user-of-owls November 16, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Come to think of it, the dude sure looks a lot like Toby. Hmm.

Dok-cupy Everything November 17, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I don't like Mondays.

Thursdays are no great shakes, either

Mumbletypeg November 16, 2011 at 2:12 pm

busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll

This is no exaggeration. They're rolling back the Easter Egg Roll, into early February. It's only fair to the Easter- and Egg- profiteers when they covetously observe their Xmas Tree counterparts' lobbyist cronies, and then there's Black Friday bleeding a little into Turkey Thursday. All Holiday, All The Time.

user-of-owls November 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I heard they're going to count Easter Eggs as a vegetable from now on.

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm

All Holiday, All The Time, that's life in the soshulist paradise we live in.

Negropolis November 16, 2011 at 11:50 pm

It's awefully difficult to roll Easter eggs in the snow.

freakishlywrong November 16, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Anyone else see a post about SEIU thugs? Or is the acid kicking in?

Callyson November 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I saw it too and commented on it, then it disappeared…?

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I had a comment all fired up and ready, and *poof!* Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Maybe they just retracted the backing for Obama?

Or was that announcement embargoed? Ha!

SexySmurf November 16, 2011 at 2:19 pm

A couple of guys whose first and last names end in vowels suggested Wonkette might want to take that post down if they didn't want any unfortunate accidents.

SorosBot November 16, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I saw it too, then – poof! – it was gone, like a mirage.

Joshua Norton November 16, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Posts go up. Posts disappear. Who can explain it?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

We have had post from, what, three or four different people today? What's next. they are going to bring back Alex or Jim? Or is Ken planning on hiring Megs McCain away from HuffPost?

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Hey, I commented on that! Where'd it go?

Joshua Norton November 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm

They tried the same thing with Occupy Oakland. Any gunfire anywhere was obviously the fault ot the protestors. Never mind the fact that Oakland was having about 7,905 violent crimes annually before anyone ever thought about setting up an Occupy camp site.

Gunshots = Some DFH did it!!!

Duh….

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Here's what fucking pisses me off no end about that shit. At least once a week, there is some violent crime somewhere in Oakland that ends in the death of one or more persons. Sometimes it's the armed robbery of restaurants in the tonier areas of downtown. Sometimes it's drive-by shootings in the neighbourhoods closer to BART. But there's ALWAYS some fucking thing. Two weeks ago, my best bud was hanging out with her two little girls when they heard what sounded like groaning outside. They opened the front door (bad move, Ms. M) to find two people, a man and a woman, arguing on the sidewalk in front of their house. The couple moved away rapidly, and it looked as if the man was using force to get the woman to move. My friend called the police, and it turned out that someone had stabbed someone else to death a mere four doors down, and the couple (or at least the man) were likely suspects.

But of course, now that #OccupyOakland exists, it MUST be the source of those deaths and murders. Doesn't Oakland have the highest death-by-violence rates of ANY city in the US?

Callyson November 16, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Another law enforcement official, Sgt. David Schlosser of the Capitol Police, said that any motive would not be clear “until we can talk to this guy.”
But we won't let that stop us from rampant speculation that OWS is in on this…

BigDumbRedDog November 16, 2011 at 2:20 pm

That totally explains why the cops in seattle pepper sprayed an old lady and a pregnant woman last night.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Dear god what next. Rampaging meese on the WH front lawn? And we all KNOW those meese are Canajian, right?

Chichikovovich November 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm

"Meese" is singular. The plural of "moose" is "moose", and the plural of "Meese" is "A bunch of douchebags named Ed."

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I hate you meeses to peeses!

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Everyone knows that the plural of mouse is meeses!
- Hanna & Barbera Dictionary of the English Language, apparently not on your list of 262 books to read this year.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Jeez, dood, I'm too busy reading about Japanese war tortures and prisoners in Sandakan to get around to any *light* reading, like the Hanna & Barbera Dictionary.

Christ Criminy. Here's a book for YOU to read (it's semi-fictional, you might enjoy it). The Mighty Wave by He Jin. It's a fictionalized account of post-WWII/Emergency life in Malaya.

Did you know that the Americans got their idea of "new settlement" villages in VietNam from the Japanese, who used it as a way to defeat the MPAJA (the military arm of the Malayan Communist Party)? That's right. That, and the napalm. The British taught the Americans to use napalm against the Viet Minh, by first using it against the heroic fighters of the MPAJA.

smitallica November 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm

They said he's mentally ill, which made me think he was a Republican. But then they said he's Hispanic, so I'm stymied.

Spurning Beer November 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Hmm. As a staunch Conservative, I am adamant that even psychotic Americans have the right to own and carry assault weapons. And who hasn't accidentally discharged their weapon into the plexiglass window of a residence now and then? But then the guy is Hispanic, huh? I don't quite know how to feel here.

Nothingisamiss November 16, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Our Hispanics are better than their Hispanics?

user-of-owls November 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Wait, isn't Stymie a slur for Jews, not Mexicans?

Spurning Beer November 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Yes, that term is big in Stymietown.

Biff November 16, 2011 at 5:07 pm

I thought he was a child actor?

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Cuban covers this.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Cubans do that kinda stuff.

Wut?

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Anybody know the whereabouts of Marco Rubio on the day in question? Is all I'm asking!

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm

If I see a tattoo, I walk across the street and hide behind something.
That's what I do.

Guppy November 16, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Even tramp stamps?

jus_wonderin November 16, 2011 at 3:24 pm

If you think about it, this works. As "if i see a stamp tramp, I walk across the street and hide behind something". Until she slaps me.

flamingpdog November 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Michele, is that you?

meatlofer November 16, 2011 at 2:29 pm

The slugs were on the inside of the windows?????????? and from the projectory a left-handed shooter.a Kenyan type left-handed shooter." STAY THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!"

Dok-cupy Everything November 16, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Black, and to the left…black, and to the left…

Dok-cupy Everything November 16, 2011 at 2:31 pm

This Is All Part Of Obama's Plot To Take Away Our Guns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baconzgood November 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

ELECT SHERIFF JOE!!!!!!!!

Sheriff Joe/Racism 2012

Nothingisamiss November 16, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Of course, Sherriff Joe has always run on this ticket.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Remember, the NRA has told us: Obama is not taking away our guns so he can take them away.

Never forget!

Baconzgood November 16, 2011 at 3:28 pm

If you don't take away our guns then only the people that don't have guns….uh….ahhhhhh…..mmmmm…..

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm

. . . won't have them not taken away?

Baconzgood November 17, 2011 at 8:54 am

WIN!

SayItWithWookies November 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

I saw an article about this on Saturday morning that said the gunfire was between two cars and it was not directed at the White House. Apparently the facts were lacking in the appropriate "dangerous hippie" tie-in to OWS that really turn a non-story into sensationalism.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 2:35 pm

So, he has tattoos of "rosary beads and hands clasped in prayer on his right chest and folded hands on his left chest," and has spent time in Idaho, Utah and Texas. Clearly another one of these born again, gun nut liberals. Wait, what?

LiveToServeYa November 16, 2011 at 2:39 pm

The Reichstag? Totally on fire.

user-of-owls November 16, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Fox already has its narrative set: "Back and to the left, back and to the left."

Antispandex November 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Shooting D.C.? That never happens. Must be the unemployed, the hippies, or the hobos. They're the ones with the guns.

actor212 November 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm

What? I'm going to be the first?

WOLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

chascates November 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Acting on information generated by agents in the Secret Service’s Pittsburgh field office, a Pennsylvania police officer arrested Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez at a hotel near Indiana, Pennsylvania, the agency said Wednesday.

What God-fearing American male has a hyphenated name? This guy must be more like 'Carlos the Jackel'.

Baconzgood November 16, 2011 at 2:49 pm

WAAAAIT A SEC! Does the S. Service work in the WH? Constitution near the WH is like Fort Knox. You can't even get near the WH on Constitution without a pass. There is no way someone can take a shot that would hit the WH since, what was it, 2006?

finallyhappy November 16, 2011 at 4:33 pm

You are thinking of Pennsylvania. But Constitution is separated by the Ellipse from the White House- I know nada about guns but a bullet would have to travel a long way from Constitution to go across the Ellipse and the huge back lawn of the White House to hit a window.

Terry November 16, 2011 at 2:58 pm

From the NYT's article:
"The man, previously referred to in a warrant as Oscar Ramiro Ortega, has a background of legal problems and is said to have a history of aberrant behavior."

Who doesn't?

el_donaldo November 16, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Did they have him take off his shirt to read the whole tattoo cuz maybe it's SASQUATCH IS REAL? http://www.bigfootlunchclub.com/2010/12/sasquatch

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 16, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I heard that there was a car crash on the beltway in DC today. Clearly OWS fault.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

That's a tremendous improvement. It used to be that EVUHthang was Obama's fault. Glad the press found a new bunch of Kommies to KicK around.

Guppy November 16, 2011 at 3:11 pm

The suspect was last seen fleeing in the direction of the Naval Observatory.

WeHaveIssues November 16, 2011 at 3:16 pm

The path from Occupying protesting patriot to terrorist, slippery slope. If you're the Secret Service in DC bored out of your mind while Obama is traveling, just takes a little push.

DahBoner November 16, 2011 at 3:22 pm

A giant tat on his neck that says "ISRAEL"???

Can you be more specific?

That could be almost any member of Congress…

Biff November 16, 2011 at 5:12 pm

To be fair, most of those are tramp stamps, a bit lower on the anatomy.

slowhansolo November 16, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Maybe no snark here, but it's good to see the establishment so rattled that it's starting to blame everything on OWS.

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Y'know, we should really be ashamed, making light of something that happened a mere four blocks from a Wonketeer's house. Or so I heard.

finallyhappy November 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

No one lives 4 blocks from the Holocaust museum- except the President- so did the President(or family) write that earlier comment.

stopthemovie November 16, 2011 at 4:41 pm

The Republican party is full of bums shooting for the white house so whats the problem?

Mothergooch November 16, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Since when are guns allowed in D.C.? Next you'll be telling me that murders happen there.

Negropolis November 16, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Since the Supreme Court allowed it (but not really, 'cause everyone already had guns).

ttommyunger November 16, 2011 at 8:52 pm

"…alert Secret Service Agents promptly wrestled the bullet to the ground."

fuflans November 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm

fucking bo.

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