the usual suspects

Did Bum Who Maybe Visited #OccupyDC Shoot At White House?

And where was Bo on the night of Friday, November 11?It would be helpful to the authorities if some of these Occupy protesters would do something a little more guilty than being an Iraq veteran shot in the head by a policeman, wouldn’t it? Let’s see let’s see, did anything weird happen about a week ago that could be conclusively linked to Wall Street’s desire to have all these protesters rounded up and shipped to Gitmo? Oh yes, here’s something: Last Friday, shots were fired from somewhere in Washington D.C., which has never happened before, and a slug was later found lodged in a plexiglass safety window of the White House.

The bullet very nearly killed Barack Obama, who was at a hotel in San Diego raising money on his way to Asia. The Secret Service had the awesome luck to hear the shots fired from around the Ellipse on Friday night, and then see a certain car they knew would have been the source of the shooting, and then find that same car abandoned on the same street (Constitution Avenue) it had just been driving on, and also there was an assault rifle in this very car, which was also registered to a scary suspect who might’ve gone to the #OccupyDC rally. Still, the Secret Service was busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll, so it took them until late yesterday to find a bullet.

The New York Times has this account:

Secret Service agents heard multiple shots fired on Friday and witnessed a car speeding away, westbound, on Constitution Avenue, according to a law enforcement official. The car and a weapon were found, abandoned, at a corner of Constitution Avenue and 23rd Street within a couple of minutes, this official said.

And what about the suspect on the loose? Well, obviously, police say he was at the #OccupyDC protest. And he is also a scary, bearded Mexican person who does drugs and beats his wife and has scary tattoos and also got in trouble for “squatting,” just like those #OWS bums always do. Seriously, all this is in the New York Times story, and also on the Park Service police website. The only part that is not perfect is that the suspect apparently has a giant tattoo on his neck that says “ISRAEL.” But this surely has nothing to do with Israeli agents making mischief in the United States again, and is probably just prison slang for “I Hate Capitalism.” UPDATE: They arrested the dude. [NYT]

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  1. OCcupied_Surf_Serf

    Since Obama announced increased U.S. military presence in Australia I am also going to pull it outta my ass and say kangaroos…

    1. weejee

      The roos, eh. Not those sneakier than sneaky koalas? Beneath all that cutsie they can be quite nasty at times. Also, collectively 40 of them don't have the IQ of a moth. Seems that is the down side of sole-sourcing Eucalyptus leaves for your diet – a product otherwise used to make wood preservative. On the upside they traded their gray cells for detox and have livers that would put Keef Richards to shame. Obvs they're with you as party animals.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I bleev they have a nasty habit of pissing on people. Not that I blame them. If those rhinosceri had pissed on the fucking poachers, we would not have two more subspecies go extinct last week.

  2. GunToting[Redacted]

    When I read the comments on the WSJ page (I know, I know…) they all speculated that it HAD to be someone associated either with the OWS movement, or perhaps the people who opposed the pipeline issue. Yeah, I don't see how we could speculate that it might be one of the AR-totin' Tea Party assholes!

    Oh, and the other comment was "Why does the Secret Service have a spokesperson?!? We need to start cutting jobs!!!!!"

    1. Not_So_Much

      Why does any agency have spokespersons? If they didn't have to tell us stupid people what they were doing all the time, our economy would probably be awesome right now.

      (But honestly, there isn't enough firepower around there to keep a random car from pulling up to the curb and firing away –OR– they can't catch it once it happens? Seems odd…)

    2. Baconzgood


      1. jqheywood

        Whenever I think of Gretchen, which thank the FSM is not often, I hear this couplet running through my head:

        She said that she worked for the ABC news
        which is as much of the alphabet as she new how to use

  3. Not_So_Much

    Isn't everything bad that's happening linked to we Occupy hippies? Hasn't former Penn State Coach Sandusky's disgusting weiner been one of the leaders of the entire movement since 1997?

    1. MzNicky

      I actually had a wingnut explain to me yesterday that Sandusky is a Democrat because "isn't that the sort of thing you libs like, yet you give a total pass to Clinton who is a rapist, plus y'all are racist because of Herman Cain who was no worse than Sandusky, in fact better!" I think that was the gist of it, I was laughing too hard at the time.

  4. Baconzgood

    Hmmmmmm. Hemp smokin' hacky sack bongo drum circle against wealth discrepancy person OR some right wing nut that's being saying the POTUS is a socialist…..I'll go with Hempy dude having the assault rifle. How's 'bout jew?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      You mean the right wing nuts fighting for the ascendancy of ISRAEL so as to fulfill some mumbo-jumbo from Revelations? Those right-wing nuts?


    1. Not_So_Much

      "Ortega has a criminal record including arrests for domestic violence, drug offenses, assault on a police officer and underage alcohol possession, the Post reported."

      yep — that sounds like one of our locals alrighty.

  5. SorosBot

    Yep, someone shooting at the White House when a Democratic black man is President is probably a liberal, just like that guy who flew his plane into the White House during the Clinton administration.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      I'm glad someone else remembers that. It's the very first thing I thought of when a certain President of the United States said, just after 9/11, that "nobody in our government at least, and I don't the think the prior government, could envisage flying air planes into buildings."

  6. flamingpdog

    is said to have a history of aberrant behavior.

    This is obviously either part of a massive libunitic plot or, if not, just an isolated incident.

    1. Pragmatist2

      The could have crows-sourced the search by having the Easter Egg hunt early and telling the kids that bullets are a special form of Easter egg.

    2. justkillmenow

      The White House needs to bring back the 50-state Easter Egg thing. That was some bad ass art. And hilarious.

  7. elviouslyqueer

    When does Eric Cantor come in and breathlessly announce that the bullet was obviously meant for him?

  8. Oblios_Cap

    RE: the photo. Don't Portuguese Water Dogs freeze in the winter time? Or can you throw salt on them to keep them slushy?

      1. flamingpdog

        God, you've just reminded me I need a margarita!

        Margarita, would that be the Messican gun-shooter's wife?

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Yes, but you are supposed to use your gun stamps for the guns, and your food stamps for liquor, smokes and Caddies. I thought everyone knew this.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll

    This is no exaggeration. They're rolling back the Easter Egg Roll, into early February. It's only fair to the Easter- and Egg- profiteers when they covetously observe their Xmas Tree counterparts' lobbyist cronies, and then there's Black Friday bleeding a little into Turkey Thursday. All Holiday, All The Time.

    1. SexySmurf

      A couple of guys whose first and last names end in vowels suggested Wonkette might want to take that post down if they didn't want any unfortunate accidents.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      We have had post from, what, three or four different people today? What's next. they are going to bring back Alex or Jim? Or is Ken planning on hiring Megs McCain away from HuffPost?

  10. Joshua Norton

    They tried the same thing with Occupy Oakland. Any gunfire anywhere was obviously the fault ot the protestors. Never mind the fact that Oakland was having about 7,905 violent crimes annually before anyone ever thought about setting up an Occupy camp site.

    Gunshots = Some DFH did it!!!


    1. Herring_Burnit

      Here's what fucking pisses me off no end about that shit. At least once a week, there is some violent crime somewhere in Oakland that ends in the death of one or more persons. Sometimes it's the armed robbery of restaurants in the tonier areas of downtown. Sometimes it's drive-by shootings in the neighbourhoods closer to BART. But there's ALWAYS some fucking thing. Two weeks ago, my best bud was hanging out with her two little girls when they heard what sounded like groaning outside. They opened the front door (bad move, Ms. M) to find two people, a man and a woman, arguing on the sidewalk in front of their house. The couple moved away rapidly, and it looked as if the man was using force to get the woman to move. My friend called the police, and it turned out that someone had stabbed someone else to death a mere four doors down, and the couple (or at least the man) were likely suspects.

      But of course, now that #OccupyOakland exists, it MUST be the source of those deaths and murders. Doesn't Oakland have the highest death-by-violence rates of ANY city in the US?

  11. Callyson

    Another law enforcement official, Sgt. David Schlosser of the Capitol Police, said that any motive would not be clear “until we can talk to this guy.”
    But we won't let that stop us from rampant speculation that OWS is in on this…

  12. BigDumbRedDog

    That totally explains why the cops in seattle pepper sprayed an old lady and a pregnant woman last night.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "Meese" is singular. The plural of "moose" is "moose", and the plural of "Meese" is "A bunch of douchebags named Ed."

        1. flamingpdog

          Everyone knows that the plural of mouse is meeses!
          – Hanna & Barbera Dictionary of the English Language, apparently not on your list of 262 books to read this year.

          1. Herring_Burnit

            Jeez, dood, I'm too busy reading about Japanese war tortures and prisoners in Sandakan to get around to any *light* reading, like the Hanna & Barbera Dictionary.

            Christ Criminy. Here's a book for YOU to read (it's semi-fictional, you might enjoy it). The Mighty Wave by He Jin. It's a fictionalized account of post-WWII/Emergency life in Malaya.

            Did you know that the Americans got their idea of "new settlement" villages in VietNam from the Japanese, who used it as a way to defeat the MPAJA (the military arm of the Malayan Communist Party)? That's right. That, and the napalm. The British taught the Americans to use napalm against the Viet Minh, by first using it against the heroic fighters of the MPAJA.

  13. smitallica

    They said he's mentally ill, which made me think he was a Republican. But then they said he's Hispanic, so I'm stymied.

    1. Spurning Beer

      Hmm. As a staunch Conservative, I am adamant that even psychotic Americans have the right to own and carry assault weapons. And who hasn't accidentally discharged their weapon into the plexiglass window of a residence now and then? But then the guy is Hispanic, huh? I don't quite know how to feel here.

      1. jus_wonderin

        If you think about it, this works. As "if i see a stamp tramp, I walk across the street and hide behind something". Until she slaps me.

  14. meatlofer

    The slugs were on the inside of the windows?????????? and from the projectory a left-handed shooter.a Kenyan type left-handed shooter." STAY THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!"

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Remember, the NRA has told us: Obama is not taking away our guns so he can take them away.

      Never forget!

      1. Baconzgood

        If you don't take away our guns then only the people that don't have guns….uh….ahhhhhh…..mmmmm…..

  15. SayItWithWookies

    I saw an article about this on Saturday morning that said the gunfire was between two cars and it was not directed at the White House. Apparently the facts were lacking in the appropriate "dangerous hippie" tie-in to OWS that really turn a non-story into sensationalism.

  16. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, he has tattoos of "rosary beads and hands clasped in prayer on his right chest and folded hands on his left chest," and has spent time in Idaho, Utah and Texas. Clearly another one of these born again, gun nut liberals. Wait, what?

  17. Antispandex

    Shooting D.C.? That never happens. Must be the unemployed, the hippies, or the hobos. They're the ones with the guns.

  18. chascates

    Acting on information generated by agents in the Secret Service’s Pittsburgh field office, a Pennsylvania police officer arrested Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez at a hotel near Indiana, Pennsylvania, the agency said Wednesday.

    What God-fearing American male has a hyphenated name? This guy must be more like 'Carlos the Jackel'.

  19. Baconzgood

    WAAAAIT A SEC! Does the S. Service work in the WH? Constitution near the WH is like Fort Knox. You can't even get near the WH on Constitution without a pass. There is no way someone can take a shot that would hit the WH since, what was it, 2006?

    1. finallyhappy

      You are thinking of Pennsylvania. But Constitution is separated by the Ellipse from the White House- I know nada about guns but a bullet would have to travel a long way from Constitution to go across the Ellipse and the huge back lawn of the White House to hit a window.

  20. Terry

    From the NYT's article:
    "The man, previously referred to in a warrant as Oscar Ramiro Ortega, has a background of legal problems and is said to have a history of aberrant behavior."

    Who doesn't?

  21. WeHaveIssues

    The path from Occupying protesting patriot to terrorist, slippery slope. If you're the Secret Service in DC bored out of your mind while Obama is traveling, just takes a little push.

  22. DahBoner

    A giant tat on his neck that says "ISRAEL"???

    Can you be more specific?

    That could be almost any member of Congress…

    1. finallyhappy

      No one lives 4 blocks from the Holocaust museum- except the President- so did the President(or family) write that earlier comment.

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