what an asshole!

Lying Liar Newt Gingrich Lies All Day Long, Is a Huge Liar

His real name is Dirk.

Pop quiz time! How many of the following things in this paraphrase of some dumb thing Stay-Puft clone Newt Gingrich said during a recent GOP debate are true: “The $300,000 I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.” Correct answer: ZERO. Newt was paid at least $1.6 million, and part of his job was to shill Freddie Mac’s good name to congressional Republicans who wanted to burn the government-backed mortgage giant to the ground. Of course, it also turns out that Newt was earning all these piles of silly monies by lying about his True Feelings, since he immediately started to trash Freddie Mac the minute he stopped getting their checks.

Exhibit A, from Bloomberg:

Former Freddie Mac officials familiar with his work in 2006 say Gingrich was asked to build bridges to Capitol Hill Republicans and develop an argument on behalf of the company’s public-private structure that would resonate with conservatives seeking to dismantle it.

Exhibit B, from TalkingPointsMemo:

As Republicans presidential nominee John McCain struggled to match his opponent in the polls, Newt Gingrich urged the Arizona Senator to reboot his campaign by relentlessly attacking Democrats for being too close to housing giant Freddie Mac. That would be the same Newt Gingrich who took a reported $1.6 million in “consulting fees” from Freddie Mac during an eight-year relationship that had ended only months earlier.

Is his real name even NEWT? (Because seriously, how is that anyone’s real name.) [Bloomberg/TPM]

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170 comments

      1. Dok-cupy Everything

        I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

        For one thing, liquid on a grease fire is just bad news…

  1. Redhead

    You expect the people voting in the Republican primaries to remember things from 2006 and 2008?

    They can't even remember which flavor of Cheetohs they had for dinner last night or which Hoverround they used to "walk" the dog this morning. Why would you expect them to remember actual facts?

    1. ManchuCandidate

      That's quite true and quite fair. On the other hand I remember reading Newton's involvement in the clusterfuck of Operation Iraqi Liberation. There were stories floating around that he wanted to be known as "General" Newt.

    2. freakishlywrong

      Indeed. They don't seem to like bringing up their hero, Dubya any more either because he wasn't a "true conservative". Only they voted for him twice and loudly defended every awful thing he did. And look., turns out we were right. Again.

    3. GOPCrusher

      Hell, since the meltdown of 2008, all I've heard is that Chris Dodd and Barney Frank were the only two people that benefited from Freddie Mac.

    1. Negropolis

      Well played.

      While the Grinch's heart was three sizes two small, I'd bet Newt's dangerously engorged heart is three sizes too large.

        1. NellCote71

          Can she even close her eyes at night. Of course, if I lived with Newt, I would want to keep, nah, can't even go there.

  2. MzNicky

    "Is his real name even NEWT? (Because seriously, how is that anyone’s real name.)"

    And "Gingrich"! What the fuck is up with that? Is this what happens to a person who has to go through his whole life with a name like "Newt Gingrich"?

    1. LetUsBray

      Given that he's from Georgia, maybe "Newt Gingrich" is a Cherokee expression meaning "Giant-mouthed fat fuck sleazebag?"

  3. KathrynSane

    Between this and the Karl Rove post, I think I've reached my maximum daily allowance of lying corrupt doughy old white men.

    1. reliefsinn

      Thanks for letting us know that there is an entity by the name of
      "The Governing Council of The Cat Fancy".

      1. OccupytheDashboard

        I was too. My trembling finger clicked the link as I expected to see a picture of fresh vomit in a sheep's stomach. Instead, it was awwwww, kitties!

    1. V572625694

      He's a condescending dick to everybody — an equal-opportunity condescender! Newt @ the Pearly Gates: "Listen, 'Yah-Weh,' or whatever you call yourself these days. I fucked all those women because I loved my country so much. Is that just too complex for a supposedly all-knowing, all-seeing deity to comprehend?

        1. Chichikovovich

          There's a certain kind of woman whose equivalent of "beer goggles" is the distortion you get when you look through a huge, sparkling, glistening rock.

  4. Callyson

    He said he couldn’t recall details of the contracts with Freddie Mac. “You are asking me about 12 years ago,” he said.
    Allow me to refresh your memory, Newt…in 1999 we had peace and prosperity under Bill Clinton. That was after you were out of office and before the nightmare reign of W…remember now?

    1. jus_wonderin

      I am pretty sure I could remember if I made 1.6 million 12 years ago. Hell, I could remember that for the entirety of my 52 years!

      1. GOPCrusher

        Read his take on The Battle of Gettysburg. The term "historian" and Newt Gingrich are mutually exclusive.

  5. edgydrifter

    Newt should use the Marion Barry crack defense: he had to take all the money, see, to keep it from corrupting more vulnerable members of Congress. Yeah, that's right.

  6. memzilla

    Doersn't Tiffany's need a lobbyist/spokesthing, to convince the OWS Movement to not trash its plate glass windows as they march uptown tomorrow?

  7. bumfug

    If you think this bad, wait til it's Santorum's week to be the one with a surge. Not all bad, I guess – at least we'll have the fun of hearing Diane Sawyer use the phrase "Surging Santorum".

    1. Chichikovovich

      Or even worse if Santorum's numbers just get slowly closer and closer to Romney's. Then it will be "The relentless "drip, drip" of approaching Santorum".

  8. PeaceWithHonor

    Well, the ex-wife's cancer was real. So I think the model is that anything Newt says that reflects well on his character is just bullshit.

    1. V572625694

      Looks like it.

      ASHINGTON, Nov 16 (Reuters) – Top executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac on Wednesday defended their companies' pay practices which have drawn opposition after it was disclosed the government-controlled firms were paying out nearly $13 million in executive bonuses.

  9. edgydrifter

    Newt Gingrich is a passionate man. Very passionate, for America. So great is his passion that sometimes he just has to straight-up fuck a huge pile of cash to keep his lust for freedom and liberty under control. You don't want to see Newt Gingrich with a case of red-white-and-blue-balls. It's scary.

    1. jus_wonderin

      While I can picture that (argh), I can also imagine (ewww) Newt rolling a Benjamin up as if he was going to snort a line, but using it to jiggle his girth while moaning "Here's your contract with America, baby!"

  10. V572625694

    It's only fair to point out, though, that Gingrich's innate charm and gentle wit should overcome any difficulties he may have in dealing with his sordid past. The guy is just so likeable!

  11. Chillwaver

    “The $300,000 I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.”

    By "Historian," Newt means having an extensive history of being a corrupt douchebag and serial adulterer.

  12. freakishlywrong

    Why is this mendacious fat fuck and the other lying, bloated asshole still allowed out in to polite company? Newt, Karl , go the fuck away. Just GO away.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      As in that bit of the foreskin that you throw away after circumcision. Yes. I'm pretty sure the technical name for that is the "Newt."

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      He is originally from Georgia. Maybe we should stamp one of those plates on his wide load ass.

  13. Mumbletypeg

    the former speaker said he “offered them advice on precisely what they didn’t do.”

    You'll need to be a little more precise than that, Mr. Former Speaker. For the love of Saint Ronnie — pulling a halfway coherent defense statement from your piehole is as promising as pulling lint free from that gelatin-packed belly-hole.

  14. Not_So_Much

    He's 68 and 400 pounds overweight. How is he still alive as a viable candidate? Actually, how is he still alive at all?

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Actually, how is he still alive at all?

      I'm sure Newtie is partaking of the same formaldehyde and goat jism potion that keeps the Corpse of Malibu Barbie Callista looking so mummified dewy fresh.

  15. fartknocker

    The GOP have really made this Blowvember oh so special. And Newt is nothing more than gyrating goatfucker.

  16. mavenmaven

    Facts are lazy and facts are late… Facts don't do what I want them to. Facts just twist the truth around… (David Byrne, and as an aside, RIP Laura Kennedy)

  17. johnnymeatworth

    "Is his real name even NEWT? (Because seriously, how is that anyone’s real name.) " It's actually NOT! From the wikipedia: "Gingrich was born Newton Leroy McPherson, at the Harrisburg Hospital in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on June 17, 1943."

    1. Chichikovovich

      Though to be frank, I would rather we use the name of a toxic, thin-skinned salamander rather than the name of one of the great scientists of all time.

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just further proof that Freddie and Fannie aren't run like real businesses. If they had been, they would have kept Newt on the payroll so he would say the right thing. Doesn't everyone know by now that Newt's first loyalty is to money and bling?

  19. elviouslyqueer

    Oh my, what's this? government watchdogs noted that politicians like Gingrich often deliberately structured “consultant” jobs to circumvent lobbying registration requirements.

    So in addition to being a lying, scheming, porcine motherfucker, Newtie is also corrupt and avaricious. Well, I am SHOCKED.

  20. DerrickWildcat

    Moderator: Mr. Gingrich, can you explain the accusations that you have received 1.6 million dollars from the organization you heavily criticized?

    Newt: Fuck You! No really, Fuuuuckkkk Yooouuuuu! I don't have to answer your fucking questions. I don't have to answer to anyone.

      1. GOPCrusher

        O/T but Herb Cain stated today in a speech that he would legalize marijuana if he's elected President.

  21. tihond

    Remember how Newt was scared being in the same room with Clinton, because he was worried Clinton would "charm" him. How much would it take to pay Clinton to just follow Newt around?

  22. Allmighty_Manos

    I think we should all try getting into the GOP primary just to enjoy the glory of a one week surge in the polls. we still got at least two months to Iowa and only Republicans who haven't got to be the anti-Romney yet are Sanatorum and Huntsman.

  23. BarackMyWorld

    If you look at it honestly, though, unless he suddenly admits he's unethical, hypocritical, dishonest demagogue with a giant ego who enjoys talking down to everyone around him, pretty much everything he says about himself is going to be a lie.

    1. JustPixelz

      James Richard Perry
      Willard Mitt Romney
      Newton Leroy Gingrich

      Then there's Rick Santorum. With that last name, he must have had a tough time in high school, like my classmate Joe Seaman. Or Ana Marie Cox for that matter.

  24. Mumbly_Occupado

    As Republicans presidential nominee John McCain struggled to match his opponent in the polls, Newt Gingrich urged the Arizona Senator to reboot his campaign by relentlessly attacking Democrats for being too close to housing giant Freddie Mac. That would be the same Newt Gingrich who took a reported $1.6 million in “consulting fees” from Freddie Mac during an eight-year relationship that had ended only months earlier.

    I believe this is what's referred to in politics as a "dick move".

  25. Come here a minute

    Newt was earning all these piles of silly monies by lying about his true feelings.

    How cute! You think Newt has "true feelings". His only feelings are the kind that are licensed out at an hourly rate.

  26. Goonemeritus

    So by your analogy Newt is like a prostitute who would derisively talk about her client after the money has changed hands. I for one feel this analogy is unfair maybe even cruel after all many prostitutes have repeat business. I have never heard of anyone willingly hiring Newt for a second screwing.

  27. JustPixelz

    Me: "It's sad that the news media doesn't report accurately how Newt works."

    Maria Bartiromo: "What is the media reporting inaccurately about Newt?"

    Me (incredulously): "What?!? Maria Bartiromo is talking to me! She's the Money Honey. And she's talking to me!"

  28. GOPCrusher

    Newt was brought up on 85 ethics violations. And he's considered a front runner for the Republiklan nomination.
    Beam me up, Scotty.

  29. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Interesting: In 2000, the GOP went with Bush, who was Clinton but without the intelligence. Now they are enamored with Newt, who is Clinton without the charisma.

  30. Wilcoxyz

    I believe that $1.6 million was for horseplay or some other non-rapey activity with the poor folks at Freddie, Newt explained.

  31. Ancient_Hacker

    Wait til Callista hears about the size of that paycheck. She'll be down at Tiffany's before you can say high-pitched blame-deflecting liar and adulterer.

  32. DahBoner

    I sure hope before Newt took this quiz, that he transferred ownership of his house to his wife for $1…

  33. SayItWithWookies

    I'd like to see Newt at the next debate hooked up to an electrical shock device that's controlled by his two ex-wives — anytime he says something they think is a lie they get to give him a good jolt. Of course it would have to automatically stop after 30 seconds of continuous operation, because I'm sure even if he says "Aarrrrrrgh" he's probably finding some way to make that a lie as well.

  34. emmelemm

    Newt is in an elite club of the seriously MOST loathesome Republican turds around. Sure, they're all loathsome turds, but some of them go above and beyond.

  35. Chet Kincaid

    He was not "lobbying" for Freddie Mac. What you saw was just horsing around, snapping towels, that sort of thing. Is he attracted to money over principle? Well, uh…no, certainly not.

  36. AlaskaGrrl

    Well of course he was lying! Everything about the Newtster is a lie. Have you seen his "wife"? Tell me she isn't made up.

  37. Ancient_Hacker

    Wait til Callista hears about the size of that paycheck. She'll be down at Tiffany's before you can say high-pitched blame-deflecting liar and adulterer.

  38. Bill_Mars

    Newt needs to sell a lot of books and whore himself out for causes he doesn't believe in so he can afford to buy new vapid wives to replace the ones that he gave cancer. Hey, that might be a good slogan for his fake presidential campaign!

  39. fitley

    Newt needs to change his famous quote "If you quote me, you're lying". It needs to be
    "If you quote me , I'm probably lying".

Comments are closed.