what an asshole!

Lying Liar Newt Gingrich Lies All Day Long, Is a Huge Liar

His real name is Dirk.

Pop quiz time! How many of the following things in this paraphrase of some dumb thing Stay-Puft clone Newt Gingrich said during a recent GOP debate are true: “The $300,000 I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.” Correct answer: ZERO. Newt was paid at least $1.6 million, and part of his job was to shill Freddie Mac’s good name to congressional Republicans who wanted to burn the government-backed mortgage giant to the ground. Of course, it also turns out that Newt was earning all these piles of silly monies by lying about his True Feelings, since he immediately started to trash Freddie Mac the minute he stopped getting their checks.

Exhibit A, from Bloomberg:

Former Freddie Mac officials familiar with his work in 2006 say Gingrich was asked to build bridges to Capitol Hill Republicans and develop an argument on behalf of the company’s public-private structure that would resonate with conservatives seeking to dismantle it.

Exhibit B, from TalkingPointsMemo:

As Republicans presidential nominee John McCain struggled to match his opponent in the polls, Newt Gingrich urged the Arizona Senator to reboot his campaign by relentlessly attacking Democrats for being too close to housing giant Freddie Mac. That would be the same Newt Gingrich who took a reported $1.6 million in “consulting fees” from Freddie Mac during an eight-year relationship that had ended only months earlier.

Is his real name even NEWT? (Because seriously, how is that anyone’s real name.) [Bloomberg/TPM]

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    “I can’t handle the truth!”
    –Newt Gingrich

  • MzNicky

    I hope his pants are on fire all day long too.

    • Omophagist

      Judging by his promiscuous ways, his crotch is almost certainly on fire all day long.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Prevaricator, prevaricator, trousers aflame!

    • Not_So_Much

      At his size, the inner thigh friction just from shuffling between restaurants has to be intense.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

        For one thing, liquid on a grease fire is just bad news…

      • Negropolis

        He generates enough energy to power a whole village of idiots.

    • CapnFatback

      Or–at the very least–on all day.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Oh boy, it's Newt's turn on the Wheel of (Well Deserved) Misfortune.

    BTW it's easier to list what Newty Toot isn't lying about:

    That is all.

  • Redhead

    You expect the people voting in the Republican primaries to remember things from 2006 and 2008?

    They can't even remember which flavor of Cheetohs they had for dinner last night or which Hoverround they used to "walk" the dog this morning. Why would you expect them to remember actual facts?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      That's quite true and quite fair. On the other hand I remember reading Newton's involvement in the clusterfuck of Operation Iraqi Liberation. There were stories floating around that he wanted to be known as "General" Newt.

    • freakishlywrong

      Indeed. They don't seem to like bringing up their hero, Dubya any more either because he wasn't a "true conservative". Only they voted for him twice and loudly defended every awful thing he did. And look., turns out we were right. Again.

    • GOPCrusher

      Hell, since the meltdown of 2008, all I've heard is that Chris Dodd and Barney Frank were the only two people that benefited from Freddie Mac.

  • memzilla

    Wasn't there a Dr. Seuss character named "The Gingrich?"

    • nounverb911

      And he waged a war on Christmas.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Except his belly grew 3 sizes at the buffet.

    • freakishlywrong

      Yes. He was a "mean one", fittingly.

    • MOG2410

      He is indeed nasty-wasty.

    • Negropolis

      Well played.

      While the Grinch's heart was three sizes two small, I'd bet Newt's dangerously engorged heart is three sizes too large.

  • nounverb911

    Isn't Newt due for a new wife soon?

    • unclejeems

      Nah, whats-er-face ain't on her death bed yet.

      • Mahousu

        Photographic evidence suggests otherwise.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

          Botox overdoes?

        • NellCote71

          Can she even close her eyes at night. Of course, if I lived with Newt, I would want to keep, nah, can't even go there.

  • chicken_thief

    *shaking head* The damned lamestream media and their "gotcha!" questions….

  • MzNicky

    "Is his real name even NEWT? (Because seriously, how is that anyone’s real name.)"

    And "Gingrich"! What the fuck is up with that? Is this what happens to a person who has to go through his whole life with a name like "Newt Gingrich"?

    • LetUsBray

      Given that he's from Georgia, maybe "Newt Gingrich" is a Cherokee expression meaning "Giant-mouthed fat fuck sleazebag?"

  • KathrynSane

    Between this and the Karl Rove post, I think I've reached my maximum daily allowance of lying corrupt doughy old white men.

    • jus_wonderin

      KS, binge and purge is an option. Though, I get that out of order when I see either of these two.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      What? We can't have a Haley Barbour post today?

  • DaSandman

    Put your diamonds on quick Cally, time for another cruise!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    That headline can be used interchangeably with most of the republican party.

  • slithytoves

    Tell me in that picture he doesn't look like a Scottish fold. But not so much cuddly.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scottish_Fold

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Maru libel!

    • reliefsinn

      Thanks for letting us know that there is an entity by the name of
      "The Governing Council of The Cat Fancy".

    • Nostrildamus

      Needs moar rivers and burlap sacks.

      • slithytoves

        Ugh. But true.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Oh, a cat. I expected a dish of something disgusting served in a wrinkly intestine.

      • OccupytheDashboard

        I was too. My trembling finger clicked the link as I expected to see a picture of fresh vomit in a sheep's stomach. Instead, it was awwwww, kitties!

        • NellCote71

          Yeah, way too cute and lovable to resemble Newt.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    all the GOP base cares about is that he's a condescending dick to debate moderators.

    • V572625694

      He's a condescending dick to everybody — an equal-opportunity condescender! Newt @ the Pearly Gates: "Listen, 'Yah-Weh,' or whatever you call yourself these days. I fucked all those women because I loved my country so much. Is that just too complex for a supposedly all-knowing, all-seeing deity to comprehend?

      • paris biltong

        He managed to find several women willing to fuck him?

        • SorosBot

          He's rich.

          • NellCote71

            Courtesy of Freddie Mac.

        • Chichikovovich

          There's a certain kind of woman whose equivalent of "beer goggles" is the distortion you get when you look through a huge, sparkling, glistening rock.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Do we have proof of that? No, wait, I rather not see it.

  • Callyson

    He said he couldn’t recall details of the contracts with Freddie Mac. “You are asking me about 12 years ago,” he said.
    Allow me to refresh your memory, Newt…in 1999 we had peace and prosperity under Bill Clinton. That was after you were out of office and before the nightmare reign of W…remember now?

    • jus_wonderin

      I am pretty sure I could remember if I made 1.6 million 12 years ago. Hell, I could remember that for the entirety of my 52 years!

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I thought he was a goddam historian.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Conservative history has nothing to do with remembering the truth.

      • GOPCrusher

        Read his take on The Battle of Gettysburg. The term "historian" and Newt Gingrich are mutually exclusive.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      God dammit, I do.

  • edgydrifter

    Newt should use the Marion Barry crack defense: he had to take all the money, see, to keep it from corrupting more vulnerable members of Congress. Yeah, that's right.

    • reliefsinn

      In the service of his country!

    • Negropolis

      I thught his defense was "the bitch set me up"?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

    Baby New Year is a liar?

  • HempDogbane

    American Acceptionalism !

  • memzilla

    Doersn't Tiffany's need a lobbyist/spokesthing, to convince the OWS Movement to not trash its plate glass windows as they march uptown tomorrow?

  • bumfug

    If you think this bad, wait til it's Santorum's week to be the one with a surge. Not all bad, I guess – at least we'll have the fun of hearing Diane Sawyer use the phrase "Surging Santorum".

    • Chichikovovich

      Or even worse if Santorum's numbers just get slowly closer and closer to Romney's. Then it will be "The relentless "drip, drip" of approaching Santorum".

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Santorum No Longer Trails Behind Romney

        • tihond

          Bravo, sir, bravo. *slow clap*

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      "Coming up in the poles is Santorum…"

  • SorosBot

    But "I was only doing it for the money" is probably a good excuse for Republican primary voters.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Well, the ex-wife's cancer was real. So I think the model is that anything Newt says that reflects well on his character is just bullshit.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    OT, but if they have a historian, do you think Fannie Mae has an opening for a Poet in Residence?

    • V572625694

      Looks like it.

      ASHINGTON, Nov 16 (Reuters) – Top executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac on Wednesday defended their companies' pay practices which have drawn opposition after it was disclosed the government-controlled firms were paying out nearly $13 million in executive bonuses.

    • NellCote71

      Poet mortgageate?

  • RadiosTyrone

    When his old lies get cancer he just dumps them.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      For younger, intern lies?

  • edgydrifter

    Newt Gingrich is a passionate man. Very passionate, for America. So great is his passion that sometimes he just has to straight-up fuck a huge pile of cash to keep his lust for freedom and liberty under control. You don't want to see Newt Gingrich with a case of red-white-and-blue-balls. It's scary.

    • jus_wonderin

      While I can picture that (argh), I can also imagine (ewww) Newt rolling a Benjamin up as if he was going to snort a line, but using it to jiggle his girth while moaning "Here's your contract with America, baby!"

  • V572625694

    It's only fair to point out, though, that Gingrich's innate charm and gentle wit should overcome any difficulties he may have in dealing with his sordid past. The guy is just so likeable!

    • Chichikovovich

      Maybe you have him confused with Idi Amin.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    “The $300,000 I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.”

    By "Historian," Newt means having an extensive history of being a corrupt douchebag and serial adulterer.

  • freakishlywrong

    Why is this mendacious fat fuck and the other lying, bloated asshole still allowed out in to polite company? Newt, Karl , go the fuck away. Just GO away.

  • smitallica

    So what you're saying is, Newt Gingrich is a bit of a dick?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      As in that bit of the foreskin that you throw away after circumcision. Yes. I'm pretty sure the technical name for that is the "Newt."

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    In God We Trust. Newt, on the other hand, has to pay cash up front.

    • Chichikovovich

      He's the one Georgian that they won't give the new license plate to.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      He is originally from Georgia. Maybe we should stamp one of those plates on his wide load ass.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Not at Tiffany's', he doesn't.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    the former speaker said he “offered them advice on precisely what they didn’t do.”

    You'll need to be a little more precise than that, Mr. Former Speaker. For the love of Saint Ronnie — pulling a halfway coherent defense statement from your piehole is as promising as pulling lint free from that gelatin-packed belly-hole.

  • SorosBot

    Why would a mortgage company want to hire someone as a historian?

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      To revise it, obvs.

  • Not_So_Much

    He's 68 and 400 pounds overweight. How is he still alive as a viable candidate? Actually, how is he still alive at all?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Actually, how is he still alive at all?

      I'm sure Newtie is partaking of the same formaldehyde and goat jism potion that keeps the Corpse of Malibu Barbie Callista looking so mummified dewy fresh.

    • HogeyeGrex

      That's what the whole "Deal With Satan" thing is all about, y'know.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Government Health Care.

    • Negropolis

      Tiger blood, oh, and the occasional aborted fetus.

  • fartknocker

    The GOP have really made this Blowvember oh so special. And Newt is nothing more than gyrating goatfucker.

  • paris biltong

    The quality of Freddie Mac's outstanding management never ceases to impress me.

  • hagajim

    Why didn't headline say Newt is a Douche? Or maybe Newt is big fat dickhole with no redeeming value?

  • mavenmaven

    Facts are lazy and facts are late… Facts don't do what I want them to. Facts just twist the truth around… (David Byrne, and as an aside, RIP Laura Kennedy)

  • johnnymeatworth

    "Is his real name even NEWT? (Because seriously, how is that anyone’s real name.) " It's actually NOT! From the wikipedia: "Gingrich was born Newton Leroy McPherson, at the Harrisburg Hospital in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on June 17, 1943."

    • Chichikovovich

      Though to be frank, I would rather we use the name of a toxic, thin-skinned salamander rather than the name of one of the great scientists of all time.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just further proof that Freddie and Fannie aren't run like real businesses. If they had been, they would have kept Newt on the payroll so he would say the right thing. Doesn't everyone know by now that Newt's first loyalty is to money and bling?

    • CapeClod

      Money, bling and increasingly younger booty.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Oh, Newt isn't loyal the booty.

        • CapeClod

          You are right. Substitute 'loyal' with 'hot for.'

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Done and done.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Suge Knight has just signed up to manage Newt's campaign and label, "Fat Boy Records."

      • Negropolis

        I wish he'd end up like some of the folks that have been "managed" by Suge Knight…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh my, what's this? government watchdogs noted that politicians like Gingrich often deliberately structured “consultant” jobs to circumvent lobbying registration requirements.

    So in addition to being a lying, scheming, porcine motherfucker, Newtie is also corrupt and avaricious. Well, I am SHOCKED.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

    Yeah Newt's an 'ideas man'.. The ideas are to take large sums of money and lie about it.

    • Chichikovovich

      You gotta admit, though. That's a great idea.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Moderator: Mr. Gingrich, can you explain the accusations that you have received 1.6 million dollars from the organization you heavily criticized?

    Newt: Fuck You! No really, Fuuuuckkkk Yooouuuuu! I don't have to answer your fucking questions. I don't have to answer to anyone.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That's known as "The Herman Cain Defense".

      • GOPCrusher

        O/T but Herb Cain stated today in a speech that he would legalize marijuana if he's elected President.

        • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

          But own a bong, go to prison.

  • tihond

    Remember how Newt was scared being in the same room with Clinton, because he was worried Clinton would "charm" him. How much would it take to pay Clinton to just follow Newt around?

    • freakishlywrong

      And poke him and ask him "Does this bug you"? "Does this bug you"? All day.

      • jus_wonderin

        And maybe repeat what he says as he says it…incessantly.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Given Willie's taste in mistresses, a few of Callista's blowjobs would be all he'd want.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I think we should all try getting into the GOP primary just to enjoy the glory of a one week surge in the polls. we still got at least two months to Iowa and only Republicans who haven't got to be the anti-Romney yet are Sanatorum and Huntsman.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Who do I have to blow to get a 1.6 million contract?

    • paris biltong

      Freddie Mac. Enjoy.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I'll give you the contract after you're done.

    • tihond

      all of them, Katie.

    • Negropolis

      A Republican senator.

  • BarackMyWorld

    If you look at it honestly, though, unless he suddenly admits he's unethical, hypocritical, dishonest demagogue with a giant ego who enjoys talking down to everyone around him, pretty much everything he says about himself is going to be a lie.

  • orygoon
  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    One good thing you can say about Rick Perry, Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann is they at least have real names. Not like Newt, or Mitt.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      James Richard Perry
      Willard Mitt Romney
      Newton Leroy Gingrich

      Then there's Rick Santorum. With that last name, he must have had a tough time in high school, like my classmate Joe Seaman. Or Ana Marie Cox for that matter.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        SWEET CHEEKS LIBEL!

    • GOPCrusher

      Michele is a real name?

  • Mumbly_Occupado

    As Republicans presidential nominee John McCain struggled to match his opponent in the polls, Newt Gingrich urged the Arizona Senator to reboot his campaign by relentlessly attacking Democrats for being too close to housing giant Freddie Mac. That would be the same Newt Gingrich who took a reported $1.6 million in “consulting fees” from Freddie Mac during an eight-year relationship that had ended only months earlier.

    I believe this is what's referred to in politics as a "dick move".

    • RadiosTyrone

      He's also against that crony capitalism.

    • NellCote71

      He just treated Freddie Mac like he did his ex-wives.

  • x111e7thst

    And with this Dirk I thee screw.

  • widestanceshakedown

    His real name is:

    DRAINAGE!

  • Come here a minute

    Newt was earning all these piles of silly monies by lying about his true feelings.

    How cute! You think Newt has "true feelings". His only feelings are the kind that are licensed out at an hourly rate.

  • Guppy

    Next he'll say he was completely faithful to his wife during this consultancy gig.

  • CapeClod

    Calling Newt Gingrich a historian is like calling Bill O'Reilly a historian.

  • Guppy

    "Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying eyes the librul media?"

  • owhatever

    He looks like a fat and old Ann Coulter.

    • OccupytheDashboard

      Which is kinda cool since Ann Coulter looks like a skinny and old Ann Coulter.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Which is kinda cool since Ann Coulter looks like a skinny and old Ann Coulter the anorexic bastard love child of Donatella Versace and Nicki Minaj.

        Fixed.

        • OccupytheDashboard

          Oh sweet jesus…man, something cannot be unseen.

    • Negropolis

      As it should be seeing as how Ann Coulter is an old man.

  • meatlofer

    All of a sudden, I'm all for Waterboarding!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    He'll just blame this on the "fact" that he cares too much for country and is working too hard. Just like his adultery.

  • Goonemeritus

    So by your analogy Newt is like a prostitute who would derisively talk about her client after the money has changed hands. I for one feel this analogy is unfair maybe even cruel after all many prostitutes have repeat business. I have never heard of anyone willingly hiring Newt for a second screwing.

    • Mumbly_Occupado

      And yet, Newt's hoping that America will.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Me: "It's sad that the news media doesn't report accurately how Newt works."

    Maria Bartiromo: "What is the media reporting inaccurately about Newt?"

    Me (incredulously): "What?!? Maria Bartiromo is talking to me! She's the Money Honey. And she's talking to me!"

  • chascates

    And serial adulterer to boot. I think we have a winner here!

  • GOPCrusher

    Newt was brought up on 85 ethics violations. And he's considered a front runner for the Republiklan nomination.
    Beam me up, Scotty.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Interesting: In 2000, the GOP went with Bush, who was Clinton but without the intelligence. Now they are enamored with Newt, who is Clinton without the charisma.

  • Wilcoxyz

    I believe that $1.6 million was for horseplay or some other non-rapey activity with the poor folks at Freddie, Newt explained.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      You were first, but I nailed it to the shower wall.

      Too soon?

  • Ancient_Hacker

    Wait til Callista hears about the size of that paycheck. She'll be down at Tiffany's before you can say high-pitched blame-deflecting liar and adulterer.

  • Nostrildamus

    Fish gotta swim
    Birds gotta fly …

  • DahBoner

    I sure hope before Newt took this quiz, that he transferred ownership of his house to his wife for $1…

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'd like to see Newt at the next debate hooked up to an electrical shock device that's controlled by his two ex-wives — anytime he says something they think is a lie they get to give him a good jolt. Of course it would have to automatically stop after 30 seconds of continuous operation, because I'm sure even if he says "Aarrrrrrgh" he's probably finding some way to make that a lie as well.

  • emmelemm

    Newt is in an elite club of the seriously MOST loathesome Republican turds around. Sure, they're all loathsome turds, but some of them go above and beyond.

    • Rotundo_

      In septic tanks, the big chunks rise to the top.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    He was not "lobbying" for Freddie Mac. What you saw was just horsing around, snapping towels, that sort of thing. Is he attracted to money over principle? Well, uh…no, certainly not.

    • DahBoner

      Exactly! What principles?

    • Negropolis

      Nice.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Well of course he was lying! Everything about the Newtster is a lie. Have you seen his "wife"? Tell me she isn't made up.

  • Ancient_Hacker

    Wait til Callista hears about the size of that paycheck. She'll be down at Tiffany's before you can say high-pitched blame-deflecting liar and adulterer.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    The Hillbilly Dough Boy.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    The Republican 2012 Presidential Field is an aircraft carrier that just won't flush.

  • Bill_Mars

    Newt needs to sell a lot of books and whore himself out for causes he doesn't believe in so he can afford to buy new vapid wives to replace the ones that he gave cancer. Hey, that might be a good slogan for his fake presidential campaign!

  • fitley

    Newt needs to change his famous quote "If you quote me, you're lying". It needs to be
    "If you quote me , I'm probably lying".

  • ttommyunger

    Mouth opens up, lies come out; who can explain it?

  • rocktonsam

    Callista got to go to Tiffany's
    whats fair is fair on some one else dime.

  • Negropolis

    And, Mitt Romney supposed to be the one without the soul. Puh-leaze.

  • MOG2410

    And I thought it was Newtard.