John Boehner probably broke down in sobs the last time he realized his spam filter was accidentally eating up all his favorite tanning salon offers from Groupon, but he sure as hell couldn’t be bothered to share a single one of his tears with Gabrielle Giffords while she recovered in Texas:

[Giffords’s husband] Mark Kelly writes that Boehner (R-Ohio) didn’t take an opportunity to visit Giffords when he was in Houston for a basketball game and added that all they heard from the speaker after the shooting was “a simple get-well card.”

Kelly noted that in April Boehner was in Houston for the NCAA Final Four Tournament while Giffords was at a rehabilitation center there following the Jan. 8th assassination attempt on her life.

[The Hill]

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  • nounverb911

    "all they heard from the speaker after the shooting was “a simple get-well card."
    And Boner staffed that out.

  • nounverb911

    If Gaby wanted Boner to visit, then she should have rehabbed on a golf course.

    • Pragmatist2

      I believe you meant "cocktail lounge."

      • Not_So_Much

        Bar Kart.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Tanning salon would work too.

  • I'm surprised he wasn't admitted to the same ER with ocular trauma after witnessing that Butler/UCONN abomination.

  • Hospitals are non smoking

    • DaRooster

      Nor are they big on fresh citrus.

  • actor212

    It could be worse: she could have been forced to apologize to Boehner for getting in the way of his shotgun.

    I mean, the bullet.

  • Boener was too busy "horsing around" with the players, as Jerry Sandusky would describe it.

  • Pragmatist2

    Good thing! A visit from Boehner would have set her back 6 months.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Boehner can only fake so many tears. Maybe if a camera crew had been there he could have mustered up a few for her.

  • RadiosTyrone

    According to Hank Williams Jr., that would be like Hitler visiting Bergen-Belsen.

  • jus_wonderin

    Okay, give Boehner a break. She could not talk at that time and would not have been able to communicate the required adulation that is prerequisite for the Speaker of the House. And, I heard she was relearning her colors and his shade of whatever the fuck it is would have frightened her.

    In other news, Herman Cain did visit and promptly pushed her head toward his crotch.

    • RadiosTyrone

      In other news, Herman Cain did visit and promptly pushed her head toward his crotch.

      Worst skull fuck ever.
      (I am mildly disgusted with myself for this tasteless comment, welcome to Wonkette ye of gentle heart.)

      • hagajim

        And Jerry Sandusky visited – but was kicked out of the pediatrics ward.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        That comment is an example of why I hang around here at Wonkette. Fuckin' 'ell.

      • emmelemm

        Oh, who are you kidding? You know we love it. I regret that I have only one thumb to give your tasteless comment.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Oh, just so full of upfistable black win

  • ChernobylSoup

    Well I'm sending her a card saying if things don't work out with the bald astronaut dude, I'll be hers any time.

    • Chichikovovich

      Or even if things do work out, cause, y'know, those astronauts can be in space a looong time wink, wink.

      • poncho_pilot

        we'd have to have a functional space program that actually leaves the Earth…

        now i'm doubly sad.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's not Boehner's fault, really — he's just so darn focused on job creation that everything else just slips his mind.

    • emmelemm

      Focused like a laser, he is. A bright, orange laser.

      • Focused like O.J. looking for the real killer.

        Funny, that took place on a golf course, too.

    • lochnessmonster

      That's why he was at a college basketball game. To see the jobs they could do.

  • littlebigdaddy

    That's blood orange libel!

  • Troglodeity

    Boehner was just heroically trying to create more jobs for the depressed Pre-Printed Greeting Card industry.

  • BarackMyWorld

    At least Boehner didn't pronounce her dead like the librul media did!

    (And Fox News was only reporting that everyone else was pronouncing her dead, not that she was actually dead.)

    • Callyson

      Giving a whole new meaning to "We report – you decide."

  • MaxNeanderthal

    They ought to skin the Boner, he'd make a fuck sight more use as a throw rug than as a human being. Granted, the shade of it would clash with any decor that wasn't sixties psychedelia…..

    • jus_wonderin

      School Buses need rugs too.

    • Why yes, the classic orange (getting) shagged rug.

    • poncho_pilot

      i think they should zest him.

      Boner Zest. sounds like something i'd see for sale at a convenience store.

  • CommieLibunatic

    File this under "N" for "Not Surprising."

  • Troglodeity

    In fairness to Boehner, nationally-known Republicans don't have the greatest track record of behaving tactfully when visiting hospitalized women recovering from life-threatening conditions.

    • Cat_Damon

      change "nationally-known Republicans" to the even-more-specific "Republican Speakers of the House" and the sentence still holds.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Or "Future Republican Senators/Prez Candidates That Just Got Home From Spending Over Five Years in the Hanoi Hilton Only to Find His Formerly Hot Wife Now Fat and Fucked Up From Being in a Bad Car Wreck." Though that doesn't really roll off the tongue too smoothly.

        • NorthStarSpanx

          Had he visited the site, he'd FaceTime with former Senator Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist and have her diagnose her viability. With Shiavo they wanted to keep her alive through forced feeding. With Gabby, I think they'd argue to free up her spot in Congress for the good of job creation.

  • jus_wonderin

    I bet it was one of those free e-cards that are free because the recipient has to wade through a course of ads. Boehner didn't care that Gabby didn't need Cialis at the time.

  • Callyson

    Boehner (R-Ohio) didn’t take an opportunity to visit Giffords when he was in Houston
    And Gabby is getting better. Coincidence?

  • elviouslyqueer

    With all due respect to those classy Hill commenters with their "Wah wah wah he didn't come to visit me" and "Typical Dems whining" (especially the ones who call Mark Kelly a self-serving egotist who "blasted off into space while his wife was recovering from a gunshot wound"), I say Fuck You.

    • jus_wonderin

      I watched that last night. It was great. Really heartwarming how they get along and how he is taking care of her. I pray she can fully recover and take her seat again.

  • Of course Boehner did not visit Giffords in the hospital. They tend to not serve booze there and prohibit smoking.

  • Orange you glad Boehner didn't visit ya? I would be.

  • CapnFatback

    The real bitch of it is that everybody knows that Boehner tears have healing powers.

    • jus_wonderin

      It is like the morning dew on a sleeping unicorn.

      Or cooes of an innocent baby captured and given form then sprinkled in the pure, whispy clouds where an angel might rest.

      Edit: Fuck that shit. It's like the acid that drips from a chest buster as it screams off to hide and mature in the bowels of the Nostromo.

    • hagajim

      Then the fucker ought to be crying on the economy instead of diddling himself.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Empathy? You were expecting empathy? Might I remind you, the man is a REPUBLICAN, for fucks sake.

  • OneYieldRegular


  • Beowoof

    Well he was probably hoping she wouldn't make it back and he could have a teatard elected to that seat. She was lucky she a get well card.

  • Rotundo_

    Between the amount of alcohol evaporating off him and the residual toxic fumes from smoking continuously, would a hospital let him in to visit an ICU or a rehab facility? You can probably get a good contact buzz just from the reek of him from fifteen feet away, and if you get closer than five feet for prolonged periods of time, you probably have to get a yearly MRI to make sure that the tumors haven't started growing yet.

    • DaRooster

      So, it would put me in the perfect buzz to rip his head off if I could get in the same room?
      Put me there.

  • Did Gabby's hospital room contain either a wet bar or a golf course? Then of course Boner went nowhere near it.

  • What does this "Mark Kelly" dude know about anything?

  • barto

    A real sweetheart.


    No, putz.

  • HistoriCat

    Boehner just didn't want to cry in front of the astronaut. He's never gotten over the time John Glenn looked at him in disgust during a joint session of Congress.

  • Come here a minute

    To be fair to Speaker Boehner, Congresswoman Giffords doesn't come close to driving the lane like the 2011 Big East and NCAA tournament champion Connecticut Huskies' Kemba Walker.

  • If Bonehead was married to her he could have done the right (Republican) thing and divorce her while she was in a comma.

    • Chichikovovich

      Òr at least a semi-colon.

  • Ohforcripessake

    Seriously, why would she want that POS to visit her in the first place?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    To be fair, I hate visiting people in the hospital, too. Almost as bad as paying a visit to the nursing home.

    But if he had gone and visited her, does anyone here really think that it would have been viewed as a sincere gesture? I don't/wouldn't have.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Hey Gabby, Orange you glad that Boner didn't visit?

  • Gimme a B for bumbling
    Gimme an O for orange
    Gimme an N for neglectful
    Gimme an E for excerebrose
    Gimme an R for Rethug

    What's that spell? BONER
    What's that spell? BONER
    What's that spell? BONER

    Giant libtarded intertube wave commences ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • John McCain would faithfully visit Morris Udall when he was dying of Parkinson's Disease in a nursing home in DC, when nobody else was visiting.

    John Boner could not have visited Gabby, though. Think about it. It would have been newsworthy. He couldn't have made a quiet, private visit. And she was a brain damaged lady who could have reacted in some crazy, disinhibited way by, say, howling in alarm or pummeling him or shrieking in anger. John is a sensitive guy. He would have bawled for days. And the liberally biased blamestream media would have had a field day.

  • rocktonsam

    I'm sure Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan, the "young guns." have visited Rep. Giffords.

  • VespulaMaculata

    Shit, that's nothing. Does anybody remember any picture of Bush at any soldier's funeral?

  • She's got a vagina. He's not interested.

  • Limeylizzie

    Christ, just imagine waking up from a coma and seeing that blubbing, orange, nicotine-flavoured turd looking at you.

    • I am. And LMFAO, too. At your turn of phrase, not the thought of that revolting, depraved mug.

  • Negropolis

    I wouldn't go back to the scene of the crime I knew I was a moral accessory to, either…

  • fletc3her

    Consider it a kindness, Gabby.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So, in Arizona, Hallmark sells "Sorry About Your Gunshot Wound" cards?

  • Bill_Mars

    Boehner has never gotten over the disappointment of not being able to attend her funeral. He had a suit and american flag pin already picked out, and his wife had already loaded his suitcase full of cigarettes.

  • ttommyunger

    "Mean Jerk John Boehner Never Visited Injured Gabby Giffords." Which has to be a relief for Gabby and her family.

  • sbj1964

    John Boehner ,and it does spell BONER. Looks like a Umba-Lumba. The party of the rich,by the rich,and for the rich. I knew as a kid growing up in the 80's when the Republicans under Reagan claimed that Ketchup was a vegetable in the school lunch program.# 1 ketchup is made from tomatoes. #2 Tomatoes are a fruit. Why do the Republicans always go after women ,and children?

  • sbj1964

    Why are there so many ABC's on FoxNews ? ( Angry,Blond ,C@NT's ) They are like the cheer- leading squad from a Hitler rally ! And I wonder if Ann Coulter & Sean Hannity had a baby if it would be the Anti-Christ ? FoX News Rupert Murdoc's goon's.

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