BAD MANNERS  5:15 pm November 15, 2011

Mean Jerk John Boehner Never Visited Injured Gabby Giffords

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

John Boehner probably broke down in sobs the last time he realized his spam filter was accidentally eating up all his favorite tanning salon offers from Groupon, but he sure as hell couldn’t be bothered to share a single one of his tears with Gabrielle Giffords while she recovered in Texas:

[Giffords's husband] Mark Kelly writes that Boehner (R-Ohio) didn’t take an opportunity to visit Giffords when he was in Houston for a basketball game and added that all they heard from the speaker after the shooting was “a simple get-well card.”

Kelly noted that in April Boehner was in Houston for the NCAA Final Four Tournament while Giffords was at a rehabilitation center there following the Jan. 8th assassination attempt on her life.

[The Hill]

 

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{ 83 comments }

nounverb911 November 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

"all they heard from the speaker after the shooting was “a simple get-well card."
And Boner staffed that out.

Come here a minute November 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Same as he did when Jeff Flake got a cold. Bipartisanship!

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2011 at 12:32 am

Subtlest Peter Hoekstra yet.

starfanglednut November 15, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Probably has a signing machine like Rumsfeld.

nounverb911 November 15, 2011 at 5:20 pm

If Gaby wanted Boner to visit, then she should have rehabbed on a golf course.

Pragmatist2 November 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I believe you meant "cocktail lounge."

Not_So_Much November 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Bar Kart.

littlebigdaddy November 15, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Tanning salon would work too.

starfanglednut November 15, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Do tabbing salons have bars?

Gratuitous World November 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I'm surprised he wasn't admitted to the same ER with ocular trauma after witnessing that Butler/UCONN abomination.

TanzbodenKoenig November 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Hospitals are non smoking

DaRooster November 15, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Nor are they big on fresh citrus.

actor212 November 15, 2011 at 5:24 pm

It could be worse: she could have been forced to apologize to Boehner for getting in the way of his shotgun.

I mean, the bullet.

johnnyzhivago November 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Boener was too busy "horsing around" with the players, as Jerry Sandusky would describe it.

Pragmatist2 November 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Good thing! A visit from Boehner would have set her back 6 months.

OkieDokieDog November 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Boehner can only fake so many tears. Maybe if a camera crew had been there he could have mustered up a few for her.

RadiosTyrone November 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

According to Hank Williams Jr., that would be like Hitler visiting Bergen-Belsen.

jus_wonderin November 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Okay, give Boehner a break. She could not talk at that time and would not have been able to communicate the required adulation that is prerequisite for the Speaker of the House. And, I heard she was relearning her colors and his shade of whatever the fuck it is would have frightened her.

In other news, Herman Cain did visit and promptly pushed her head toward his crotch.

RadiosTyrone November 15, 2011 at 5:44 pm

In other news, Herman Cain did visit and promptly pushed her head toward his crotch.

Worst skull fuck ever.
(I am mildly disgusted with myself for this tasteless comment, welcome to Wonkette ye of gentle heart.)

hagajim November 15, 2011 at 6:29 pm

And Jerry Sandusky visited – but was kicked out of the pediatrics ward.

BaldarTFlagass November 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

That comment is an example of why I hang around here at Wonkette. Fuckin' 'ell.

emmelemm November 15, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Oh, who are you kidding? You know we love it. I regret that I have only one thumb to give your tasteless comment.

Fukui_sanYesOta November 15, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Oh, just so full of upfistable black win

ChernobylSoup November 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Well I'm sending her a card saying if things don't work out with the bald astronaut dude, I'll be hers any time.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Or even if things do work out, cause, y'know, those astronauts can be in space a looong time wink, wink.

poncho_pilot November 16, 2011 at 4:26 am

we'd have to have a functional space program that actually leaves the Earth…

now i'm doubly sad.

SayItWithWookies November 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

It's not Boehner's fault, really — he's just so darn focused on job creation that everything else just slips his mind.

emmelemm November 15, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Focused like a laser, he is. A bright, orange laser.

Jukesgrrl November 15, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Focused like O.J. looking for the real killer.

Funny, that took place on a golf course, too.

lochnessmonster November 15, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That's why he was at a college basketball game. To see the jobs they could do.

littlebigdaddy November 15, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That's blood orange libel!

Troglodeity November 15, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Boehner was just heroically trying to create more jobs for the depressed Pre-Printed Greeting Card industry.

BarackMyWorld November 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm

At least Boehner didn't pronounce her dead like the librul media did!

(And Fox News was only reporting that everyone else was pronouncing her dead, not that she was actually dead.)

Callyson November 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Giving a whole new meaning to "We report – you decide."

MaxNeanderthal November 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

They ought to skin the Boner, he'd make a fuck sight more use as a throw rug than as a human being. Granted, the shade of it would clash with any decor that wasn't sixties psychedelia…..

jus_wonderin November 15, 2011 at 5:41 pm

School Buses need rugs too.

weejee November 15, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Why yes, the classic orange (getting) shagged rug.

poncho_pilot November 16, 2011 at 4:28 am

i think they should zest him.

Boner Zest. sounds like something i'd see for sale at a convenience store.

CommieLibunatic November 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

File this under "N" for "Not Surprising."

Troglodeity November 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

In fairness to Boehner, nationally-known Republicans don't have the greatest track record of behaving tactfully when visiting hospitalized women recovering from life-threatening conditions.

Cat_Damon November 15, 2011 at 6:02 pm

change "nationally-known Republicans" to the even-more-specific "Republican Speakers of the House" and the sentence still holds.

BaldarTFlagass November 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Or "Future Republican Senators/Prez Candidates That Just Got Home From Spending Over Five Years in the Hanoi Hilton Only to Find His Formerly Hot Wife Now Fat and Fucked Up From Being in a Bad Car Wreck." Though that doesn't really roll off the tongue too smoothly.

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Had he visited the site, he'd FaceTime with former Senator Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist and have her diagnose her viability. With Shiavo they wanted to keep her alive through forced feeding. With Gabby, I think they'd argue to free up her spot in Congress for the good of job creation.

jus_wonderin November 15, 2011 at 5:40 pm

I bet it was one of those free e-cards that are free because the recipient has to wade through a course of ads. Boehner didn't care that Gabby didn't need Cialis at the time.

Callyson November 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Boehner (R-Ohio) didn’t take an opportunity to visit Giffords when he was in Houston
And Gabby is getting better. Coincidence?

elviouslyqueer November 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm

With all due respect to those classy Hill commenters with their "Wah wah wah he didn't come to visit me" and "Typical Dems whining" (especially the ones who call Mark Kelly a self-serving egotist who "blasted off into space while his wife was recovering from a gunshot wound"), I say Fuck You.

jus_wonderin November 15, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I watched that last night. It was great. Really heartwarming how they get along and how he is taking care of her. I pray she can fully recover and take her seat again.

glamourdammerung November 15, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Of course Boehner did not visit Giffords in the hospital. They tend to not serve booze there and prohibit smoking.

ShitFilledExistence November 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Orange you glad Boehner didn't visit ya? I would be.

CapnFatback November 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm

The real bitch of it is that everybody knows that Boehner tears have healing powers.

jus_wonderin November 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm

It is like the morning dew on a sleeping unicorn.

Or cooes of an innocent baby captured and given form then sprinkled in the pure, whispy clouds where an angel might rest.

Edit: Fuck that shit. It's like the acid that drips from a chest buster as it screams off to hide and mature in the bowels of the Nostromo.

hagajim November 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Then the fucker ought to be crying on the economy instead of diddling himself.

PuckStopsHere November 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Empathy? You were expecting empathy? Might I remind you, the man is a REPUBLICAN, for fucks sake.

OneYieldRegular November 15, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Leadership.

Beowoof November 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Well he was probably hoping she wouldn't make it back and he could have a teatard elected to that seat. She was lucky she a get well card.

Rotundo_ November 15, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Between the amount of alcohol evaporating off him and the residual toxic fumes from smoking continuously, would a hospital let him in to visit an ICU or a rehab facility? You can probably get a good contact buzz just from the reek of him from fifteen feet away, and if you get closer than five feet for prolonged periods of time, you probably have to get a yearly MRI to make sure that the tumors haven't started growing yet.

DaRooster November 15, 2011 at 8:58 pm

So, it would put me in the perfect buzz to rip his head off if I could get in the same room?
Put me there.

imissopus November 15, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Did Gabby's hospital room contain either a wet bar or a golf course? Then of course Boner went nowhere near it.

Sharkey November 15, 2011 at 6:21 pm

What does this "Mark Kelly" dude know about anything?

barto November 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm

A real sweetheart.

Schmuck.

No, putz.

HistoriCat November 15, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Boehner just didn't want to cry in front of the astronaut. He's never gotten over the time John Glenn looked at him in disgust during a joint session of Congress.

Come here a minute November 15, 2011 at 6:33 pm

To be fair to Speaker Boehner, Congresswoman Giffords doesn't come close to driving the lane like the 2011 Big East and NCAA tournament champion Connecticut Huskies' Kemba Walker.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm

If Bonehead was married to her he could have done the right (Republican) thing and divorce her while she was in a comma.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Òr at least a semi-colon.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 15, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Please don't quote me on that.

Ohforcripessake November 15, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Seriously, why would she want that POS to visit her in the first place?

BaldarTFlagass November 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

To be fair, I hate visiting people in the hospital, too. Almost as bad as paying a visit to the nursing home.

But if he had gone and visited her, does anyone here really think that it would have been viewed as a sincere gesture? I don't/wouldn't have.

Thurman Munster IV November 15, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Hey Gabby, Orange you glad that Boner didn't visit?

weejee November 15, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Gimme a B for bumbling
Gimme an O for orange
Gimme an N for neglectful
Gimme an E for excerebrose
Gimme an R for Rethug

What's that spell? BONER
What's that spell? BONER
What's that spell? BONER

Giant libtarded intertube wave commences ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spurning Beer November 15, 2011 at 7:39 pm

John McCain would faithfully visit Morris Udall when he was dying of Parkinson's Disease in a nursing home in DC, when nobody else was visiting.

John Boner could not have visited Gabby, though. Think about it. It would have been newsworthy. He couldn't have made a quiet, private visit. And she was a brain damaged lady who could have reacted in some crazy, disinhibited way by, say, howling in alarm or pummeling him or shrieking in anger. John is a sensitive guy. He would have bawled for days. And the liberally biased blamestream media would have had a field day.

rocktonsam November 15, 2011 at 9:49 pm

I'm sure Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan, the "young guns." have visited Rep. Giffords.

VespulaMaculata November 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Shit, that's nothing. Does anybody remember any picture of Bush at any soldier's funeral?

mrblifil November 15, 2011 at 10:31 pm

She's got a vagina. He's not interested.

Limeylizzie November 15, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Christ, just imagine waking up from a coma and seeing that blubbing, orange, nicotine-flavoured turd looking at you.

Herring_Burnit November 16, 2011 at 2:38 am

I am. And LMFAO, too. At your turn of phrase, not the thought of that revolting, depraved mug.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 11:07 pm

I wouldn't go back to the scene of the crime I knew I was a moral accessory to, either…

fletc3her November 15, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Consider it a kindness, Gabby.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 16, 2011 at 10:28 am

So, in Arizona, Hallmark sells "Sorry About Your Gunshot Wound" cards?

Bill_Mars November 16, 2011 at 11:51 am

Boehner has never gotten over the disappointment of not being able to attend her funeral. He had a suit and american flag pin already picked out, and his wife had already loaded his suitcase full of cigarettes.

ttommyunger November 16, 2011 at 9:32 pm

"Mean Jerk John Boehner Never Visited Injured Gabby Giffords." Which has to be a relief for Gabby and her family.

sbj1964 November 16, 2011 at 11:42 pm

John Boehner ,and it does spell BONER. Looks like a Umba-Lumba. The party of the rich,by the rich,and for the rich. I knew as a kid growing up in the 80's when the Republicans under Reagan claimed that Ketchup was a vegetable in the school lunch program.# 1 ketchup is made from tomatoes. #2 Tomatoes are a fruit. Why do the Republicans always go after women ,and children?

sbj1964 November 17, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Why are there so many ABC's on FoxNews ? ( Angry,Blond ,C@NT's ) They are like the cheer- leading squad from a Hitler rally ! And I wonder if Ann Coulter & Sean Hannity had a baby if it would be the Anti-Christ ? FoX News Rupert Murdoc's goon's.

starfanglednut November 15, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Alas, me too.

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