twirlin' around in my head

Here’s Herman Cain Wondering What This ‘Libya’ Might Be (VIDEO)

Let’s just “make sure we’re talking about the same thing,” because, well, we aren’t, now are we?

Here’s how the New York Times tries to be really polite about Herman Cain being a jabbering imbecile:

Herman Cain became badly flustered on Monday when asked to assess President Obama’s policy toward Libya, raising new questions about his command of foreign policy as he lurched over five minutes from awkward pauses to halting efforts to address the issue.

HERMAN CAIN 4 PRESIDENT 4-EVER, HE IS DUMB BECAUSE OF BUSINESS. [NYT/Journal-Sentinel]

Related

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

230 comments

  1. DrunkIrishman

    Hey, it's not his fault the extent of his foreign policy is knowing what exactly goes on a Mexican Pizza.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      well with all that "stuff twirlin' round in ma head" ya can't expect 'ol Uncle Herman to actually KNOW anything about what's goin' on in the world…you try livin' inside that empty noggin and see how it feels (hint: it's LONELY in there!)

      1. flamingpdog

        As opposed to Aunt Chely's head, which appears to be bursting at the seams with multiple voices?
        "Cain/Bachmann/2012 – Between the Two of Them, We Should be Able to Get One Mind"*

        *not neccessarily a factual statement.

      2. MaxUdargo

        To be fair, he is stuck on the horns of a dilemma. He can't agree with Obama's policy and say he seems to have done the right thing. But, on the other hand, the policy was successful and led to the desired outcome (so far) without the loss of a single US soldier. So the only way to suggest Obama's policy was flawed is to suggest he didn't study the Libyan opposition well enough to know his policy was the right policy, something that Cain admits up front he has no way of knowing because he doesn't have access to all that secret information the president has access to, which is why he can't tell you what his foreign policy positions will be if he is elected, because he won't know what they should be until he has access to all that secret information. But he still knows Obama was wrong, somehow.

        So, see, it makes sense if you stop thinking about half way through it. Cain's problem is that everybody over-thinks him. He shouldn't have entered the race until, like, next September.

    2. Negropolis

      Suffice it to say, a Mexican pizza is ladden with shit-loads of chorizo and cilantro. Also, plenty of grade-A Colombian cocaine in place of parmesan, I'm guessing.

    3. datateday

      You has to go to Taco Bell to gets the Mexican Pizza and I runs no Taco Bell when elected preznit, now will I?

  2. littlebigdaddy

    He was worried that Libya was a chick who used to work for him who he banged. That is always his concern in these matters.

    1. flamingpdog

      Herm: What's all that huffing and puffing going on in the kitchen?

      Friend of Herm: I'm a-laying linoleum.

      Herm: Well, could you ask her if she has a sister?

    2. Negropolis

      Libya sounds like a black chick's name, and judging by his extra-marital tastes, I don't think he'd be bangin' no Libya, let me tell you.

  3. tihond

    You can't expect him to be up on both U-Becki-Becki-Becki-Stan and Lib-bib-bib-biyar, especially with all the sexy ladies to "offer jobs" to.

  4. nounverb911

    Please let Herman win the nomination!
    Please let Herman win the nomination!
    Please let Herman win the nomination!
    Please let Herman win the nomination!
    Please let Herman win the nomination!

    1. datateday

      We stopped Sarah Palin (twice, with the added part being that we didn't even do a thing the second time!) we can send Cain back to the brick oven at the core of the earth, too.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        The poor guy has soft-shoe'd his heart out, Newsmax, throw him a bone already, offer his books to all your subscribers this election cycle already!

    2. Chichikovovich

      Yes, yes, a million times yes.

      Dear Rush, Hannity etc. – the reason Cain is dropping in the polls is that we sabotaged him. We liberals, that is. We did our nefarious liberal things (let's see… oh, yes: "high tech lynching", "out of control political correctness",…) and that's the only reason why he isn't riding high any more. You must not let the Demon-rat party collect a scalp like this. Remember, as you always say, the liberals' greatest fear is a "strong, successful black conservative". (Our other greatest fear is a "strong, successful, attractive conservative woman", by the way, just in case you want to get Sarah! back in the race.) I'm being honest with you here. We're quaking at the thought of Cain running against Obama and peeling off 75% of the black vote because he's a better black than we have. So don't let this champion of conservative values end up another scalp of the Democrat Smear Machine: get your fans out there to Raise the Cain!

      Signed – A socialist disgusted with what he is seeing. With a name like Chichikovovich, you know I'm trustworthy.

    3. MOG2410

      Down here in the backwoods of DE one of my charming neighbors announced that it would be 'theirs" against "ours" in the election. I'm still picking pieces of him out of my teeth.

  5. Dashboard_Jesus

    wow, has the merry minstrel lost his tap dancin' ability already? there MUST be some hawt Mooslin women in Libya that 'ol Uncle Hermann can harass in a sexual nature (maybe if they told him it was really *Labia* they was talkin' about then he could get all excited agin?)

    1. mourningnmerica

      Thank you for recognizing Herman as a minstrel. He really should be wearing one of those five pointed, ball at the end "Fool" hats.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Well, I'm glad I read the other comments before posting – cause you got there first.

      "Libya" was what he was reaching for when he groped that poor woman under her dress.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Maybe this is all part of Karl Rove's long term plan to resurrect the Bush name before the Running of the Jeb in 2016. You think W is stupid? I'll show you some stupid!

      (Enter Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Rick Perry stage left.)

  6. ttommyunger

    Lest we forget, Dubya was elected-TWICE- and he is dumber than a box of rocks….at least as dumb as Hermie, maybe dumber.

      1. ttommyunger

        He had enough votes to make the initial theft possible. If it weren't close they couldn't have pulled it off.

          1. ttommyunger

            No fucking shit! And egomaniacal assholes like Bill Maher for voting for him, thinking they were making “a statement” other than “I'm an idiot and I'm throwing a perfectly good vote down the crapper!”.

        1. datateday

          The guy on the stage from Texas who can't speak straight and who initially expected the presidency on a silver platter…

      1. ttommyunger

        I will go to my grave holding him in contempt. He isn't worth my energy so far as hate is concerned, but I look on him as scum.

        1. MaxNeanderthal

          When you're only a complete tool of a hammer, every problem looks like a nail that needs to be er, nailed, er, er ….did I get that right, Mr VP Quayle…?

  7. Callyson

    Summary for those who can't stand to waste five minutes of their lives:
    0:40: "I do not agree with the way he (Obama) handled it for the following reason."
    (Four minutes of incoherence.)
    4:53:
    Cain: "All of those things I think should have been assessed. That's what I'm saying."
    Reporter: "And you don't think they were assessed?"
    Cain: "I don't know that they were or were not assessed. I didn't see reports of that assessment."
    Cain does not agree with they way Obama handled Libya…even though he has no idea how Obama handled Libya…Republican logic at its finest…

      1. Chichikovovich

        "I'm not sure we should have killed Quadafi, just encourage him to give some better treatment. You know, push his head forward a little."

    1. emmelemm

      Right… because the White House should share confidential security assessment reports with the pizza guy?

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Sadly, his performance as the Decider of the [Free] World must have elevated the deliberative process compared to the GWB years.

    2. nonbeliever7

      Yes, I also listened while doing my…ahem…dooty (thank you Steve Jobs). Two key points to add to the summary; "I have all this stuff twirlling around in my head"and "I would have done a better job" mentiioned at least 3 times. Cain is a rich man's Chauncey Gardiner.

      1. teebob2000

        Wasn't Chauncey Gardiner rich? It's been a while. I got all this stuff twirlin' around in mah hade.

    3. tessiee

      "Summary for those who can't stand to waste five minutes of their lives:"

      I endured about thirty seconds with the sound off, before I was grossed out of existence by Herman holding his hands about ten inches apart while repeatedly licking his lips.

  8. Chillwaver

    Will the MSM ever stop asking Cain gotcha questions? The average American voter only wants to hear the answers to serious questions such "what's your favorite color?" or "what's your dogs name?" The rest of us just want this asshole to win the GOP nomination. Pretty please…

  9. lefty74

    Fuck you, you Koched up neophyte whore bitch cum bucket, Herman fucking Cain!
    Worthless piece of fucking shit. Your existance alone has caused the Newt Gingrich to become the second biggest turd afloat in the Republican punch bowl of not too presidential politics.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      "whore bitch cum bucket"?…while I appreciate the emotion, this epithet seems weak and inappropriate beside the inexorable pithiness of the rest of your commentary…as a former English major (on behalf of my out of work colleagues) we must ask you to tighten up a little, lefty.. There are several alternatives: "assholes' asshole" comes to mind… or "chocolate turd-face" (although this bears an unintended sub-racist undertone)…how about "walking waste of decayed brain tissue"…(too long?)… you get my drift…. I did p you….

  10. iburl

    He would have to have a split personality to qualify as a commander in chief.

    So many things swirling around in there.

  11. Joshua Norton

    Here’s Herman Cain Wondering What This ‘Libya’ Might Be

    He's thinking "I'm not aware of that euphasim for vagina."

      1. RadiosTyrone

        I went on a serious Lavelle Crawford, Mitch Hedberg jag last weekend. It was off the chain, baby. My Bro-in-Law hadn't seen our favorite "ain't really a badger video" and he was hooked. And it triggered a hidden gem catch line therein.
        Thanks for the link, stupid, see ya' later.

        1. El Pinche

          Speaking of comics, I'm really enjoying the hell out of Austin comedy radio on fm 102.7. Austin area radio blows, but this is off the chain BAAYBAH.

  12. user-of-owls

    I don't consider myself a Philistine, but really, the NEA should stop funding performance art that is this poorly put together.

  13. Negropolis

    Libya? Ya' see, Libya is a many splendored thing. Libya's like a box of pizza…(finish the line). Or, is "Libya" that thing the ladies have? Libya is many things…

    1. datateday

      Cain (thinking): "Thank goodness this New York Times one person debate wasn't considered 'historic'!"

  14. Antispandex

    Look Hermie, you have no hope of being elected, but I want to see you nominated, so let me give you a little help here. Stop talking. It''s killing you. Your only hope might be that Sarah Palin strategy where you just answer your own questions. Oh, yeah, why am I helping? Because I so want to see you in a debate with the President!

    1. datateday

      Cain will stick a sausage in there. In the mean time, he thinks he'll turn Obama into pepperoni at a debate, answering questions with only a promise not to make any decisions that somebody else doesn't tell him to do for him.

  15. PrimlyStable

    "J. D. Gordon, Mr. Cain’s spokesman and national security adviser, said the candidate had not been at his sharpest in Milwaukee because of a lack of sleep amid a long day of traveling."

    Oh, that's a relief. It's not like the President of the United States ever has to make a difficult decision after a long day and not much sleep.

          1. Chichikovovich

            Sorry – those are two other slips of the tongue that the Freeperati repeat over and over to support the "Teleprompturz!!!" riff. In one speech, Obama referred to people in the Marines as "Corpsmen" – pronouncing the "s" instead of leaving it silent. [This is a two-fer because in their minds it also supports the idea that he disrespects the troops.] Also, at one point speaking extemporaneously about something that involved Austria, he described them as speaking "Austrian" rather than German.

            What's remarkable is that there are so few of these things. If any of us had a camera and a mike in front of me every waking moment, we'd be caught making minor slips of the tongue like that hourly.

            Edit: Such as for example in that last paragraph, where "me" should be "us". 57 states!

          2. Chet Kincaid

            Let's compare gaffe rates:
            Obama – 3 per decade
            Gingrich – 3 per year
            Romney – 3 per month
            Perry – 3 per week
            Bachmann – 3 per day
            Cain – 3 per hour

          3. Chichikovovich

            That sounds about right to me, except I'd put Bachmann at 3 per hour. Cain I think has been sustaining a near-miraculous 3 per sentence average – I don't think even he can keep that up much longer, but the streak will go down as a milestone never to be equalled. The Joe Dimaggio 56 game hit streak of politics.

  16. Negropolis

    Herman Cain became badly flustered…

    "Herman Cain became badly flustered after suffering a series of small strokes and an assortment of seizures…"

    /fixed

  17. Negropolis

    Other acceptable Republican answers to any question:

    - In what respect, Charlie?

    - Oh, all of them, Katie.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Negropolis:

      Don't forget Duh Guv'Nor used "All of them" at least twice. That was her response when asked to name her favorite "Founding Father."

  18. mourningnmerica

    The guy is "Charly" from "Flowers for Algernon", late in the book. Every time he opens his mouth he sounds like his IQ has gone down by another 5 points. He, for the first time, looks dumber than Sarah Palin.

  19. Sassomatic

    This is exactly what it looked like when I faked my way through an oral final exam for a lit class I'd been ignoring all semester. I was also stoned.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      There is a wonderful scene in the novel "The Strawberry Statement" where the protagonist is sitting for his Master's orals in English Literature. He goes all the way off the rails.

      One of the professors, feeling sorry for the guy, tosses up a softball question with the obvious answer "the sonnet."

      Rather than take the lifeline, he goes with "limerick" and takes it from there.

  20. OneYieldRegular

    Libya. Is that the one…it's communist, right? Or is that the one where, well, whatever, wherever, I disagree. I disagree with most everything that happened there, especially the killing of his own people and such. But we need to assess, we need to have assessments, and look at those assessments, have the intelligence look at them. And that's where I think Obama was dead wrong. Because when I'm president, I think we need to know who the opposition is, who they may be in whatever country, whether Arab, socialist, liberal or what have you kind of country. And that's what Herman Cain as president will do. Thank you.

  21. BarackMyWorld

    People (usually conservatives) always complain senators aren't qualified to be president because they don't have "executive experience," but they're usually the only ones with a firm grasp of the issues. What's sad is that I that Rick Santorum, despite his double digit IQ and 16th century view of the world, could probably handle all these questions Cain is fumbling without breaking a sweat.

  22. mrblifil

    No snark. How much money or other kinds of inducements would prompt a person to endure this kind of unique humiliation? How can he look at himself in the mirror?

    1. emmelemm

      This is a guy who pushes random ladies' heads towards his crotch. Shame and dignity are not qualities he has ever possessed.

    2. Negropolis

      Whores don't have a shame reflex?

      They are vampires, so they don't see their shame – or anything for that matter – in the mirror.?

    1. Negropolis

      I think you meant unlike Perry, 'cause that dude ain't acting. Of all the people on that stage, I get the gut feeling he's legitimately the dumbest one there…and damned proud of it.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Now if he'd only accessorize with a Jesus rhinestone belt-buckle and a Star-of-David necklace, he'd be covered with the nascent demographics.

  23. flamingpdog

    "It's not a simple yes-no, because there are different pieces.."

    OK, he may have run Godfather's Pizza, but I'm glad he wasn't working behind the counter the one time I went to Godfather's.

    1. not that Dewey

      "Would you like me to cut the pizza into 8 or 12 pieces?"

      "Oh, 8. I could never eat 12 pieces of pizza."

  24. bumfug

    The things twirling around in Herman's head are the same things that twirl around in my toilet bowl when I flush.

  25. imissopus

    The best moment is around 5:01 when Herm finishes yapping about things that "should have been assessed," spreads his hands, and leans back in his chair with the air of self-satisfaction usually only seen on the face of a man who has just finished passing a particularly large turd out of his rectum, as if to say, "Nailed it! Let's see you journalists counter that particular brilliance."

    If he does by some miracle win the nomination, I don't think Obama would even have to campaign.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      I'm pretty much tired of the press, especially a fucking EDITORIAL BOARD, giving these grappling idiots looking to decide out country's fate or make a lucrative career out of knowing nothing, a pass.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        My thought was that they didn't give him a pass….They had every opportunity to tell him what the hell they were alluding to and very adroitly side stepped every time. I loved it. I was thinking that after that interview they were thinking, "Oh, yeah, viral video…"

  26. fartknocker

    I couldn't make it past 47 seconds. Rick Perry for President. Hell, Rick at least knows how to deal with Mexicans. Herman is a nothing more than Sarah Palin the Pizza Artisan',

    What a ingrown pube peddler.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      In a strange sort of way, this may actually be a good thing. I haven't heard a single person right or left NOT agree with most of the issues being brought up – but almost everyone seemed to hate the tactics.

      The movement should morph from 1000 people in one place for 2 months to 2 million people demonstrating for one day.

      Just a thought….

  27. Chet Kincaid

    "I am willin' to look like a complete, empty-headed bullshitter in order to not go on record agreeing with Obama. How many ways would you like me to explain it?"

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      It isn't even about Obama, not one bit. He simply knows NOTHING about Libya, or anything that doesn't affect his next gig.

  28. Laughitoff22

    "I've just got so much choreography in my head right now," -Britney Spears

    Thank you Herman Cain for sounding eerily like a vacant Pop Star. You have my vote.

  29. Come here a minute

    This was one of those lame-stream media gotcha open-ended questions. They should have asked something specific, for example, "Will the Herman Cain administration negotiate with Muammar Gaddafi?"

    1. Negropolis

      Slow your roll, dude. Herman says one country at a time. He says that we must first establish relations with Chairman Mao before we start talking about Gaddafi.

  30. Preacher_Griz

    The ruck stop Pizza Mogul looks like nobody ever told him the correct answer will always be: "No Coddling Islamofascist muslim terrorists"

    remember, it is not torture if it is a muslim

  31. johnnyzhivago

    Hold on here… He says he DIDN'T agree with Ghadaffi killing his own citizens – who were Muslims. So Cain doesn't like people who kill Muslims??? What the hell kind of President would he be??

  32. Smithboy

    Guys…he's had a lot on his mind lately. Does he remember the women who have charged him with vulgar behavior, or not?

    Libya is just not that high on his list, right now.

  33. Redhead

    Well, he's got a point that the president doesn't have to know EVERYTHING. It just would be nice if he knew more than pizza toppings and how to shove women's heads toward his dick.

  34. BlueStateLibel

    Next time any idiot tells me we need a "successful businessman" in the Oval Office, I'm going to smack them up in the head with this video.

  35. Toomush_Infer

    This is simple. You tell people to make pizza. They tell you they did. They sell it and give the money to you. That's executive twirling around…

  36. BaldarTFlagass

    "Do you mean like Libya's-Libya's-Libya's on the label-label-label? Sorry, if I wanted vegetables on my pizza, I'd have gone to the salad bar."

  37. EatsBabyDingos

    Herm's new book: "Presidential Campaigning for Idiots-From "Uzi-beki-beki-beki-bekistan" to "Th-Th-Th-That's All, Folks!" in Five Easy Steps"

  38. Rosie_Scenario

    I love how even though Cain has no idea what he is talking about he DOES know that he disagrees with Obama. And he would do the opposite of what Obama did. GOP philosophy in a nutshell.

  39. DaRooster

    "No I do… um… it's not an easy… well… um… no… I said… uh… [ding],,, I don't know if… I make deliberate decisions… uh… facts… uh… Gimme some head!!"

  40. Pres.Libunatic

    Damn that Lamestream Media and those "gotcha" questions.

    Somehow, I think "OK, Libya…" will reach iconic status as a catchphrase here similar to "All of them, Katie."

  41. smitallica

    "Why yes, I disagree with the way President Obama handled Libya, because it was successful, done with international support, cost a relative pittance, and not a single drop of American blood was shed. And that's just not how we Republicans do things."

  42. Crowe2011

    Paraphrase: "I don't know what he did; tell me so I can tell you I disapprove of it." I know this is basically the GOP 2012 strategy in a nutshell, but does he have to be so blatant about it? Obama should cut them off at the pass by announcing that he supports sunshine, puppies and love. Throw it out there and see what they do with it.

    "Is this the Mitt Romney who was against being for puppies from the standpoint of he was versus against puppies?"

    1. tessiee

      "Obama should cut them off at the pass by announcing that he supports sunshine, puppies and love"

      "I'm in favor of good health. But my opponent, he's in favor of cancer!" — Chris Rock, "Head of State"

  43. NowTheyTellMe

    How long before he just starts tap dancing and smiling and saying "heh heh heh"? This guy is as painful to watch as any "Amos and Andy" caricature I've ever seen.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      And assumes the position, cause you know, that's how you get (and I assume, keep) a job in a Herman Cain outfit.

  44. SaintRond

    I'd love to know the title's of those shelves of books he's sitting in front of. "Green Eggs & Ham?" "Walter the Farting Dog?" "The Story of Dr. Dolittle?" What the fuck is this guy reading?

  45. ChessieNefercat

    Perry, Bachmann, Cain. President Obama is onto something, saying in a recent interview that he doesn't think he'll have to resort to negative advertising or character assassination to win.

    "We'll just run clips from the Republican debates (and random interviews!) without comment on an endless loop."

    And none of the Republicans bothered to squawk about it. What could they say? Something stupid proving the President's point?

  46. gurukalehuru

    Trump, then Bachmann, then bippety bap boink, down go Cain and Perry in a single week. Callista's Toy Boy is coming on strong into the gap but for some reason I don't think Mr. Shops at Tiffany's is going to last much longer.
    If the ABR crowd wants to nominate somebody, they're going to have to think further outside the box than that. Just get out a big old hook and yank Bachmann, Perry and Cain off the stage. They're finished. Replace them with Johnson, Roemer and Karger. Or get comfortable with Ron Paul.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        "Little Newtie doesn't need any help getting in trouble, he always steps on his dick."

        Well, maybe if he could keep his damn pants zipped, he wouldn't have that problem.

  47. bebecca2298

    I saw Michael Stelle on MSNBC a few minutes ago say something like-well, last week during all the sexual harrassment talk, Cain wanted to talk about the issues and when we actually do talk about this issues, this is the best he can do?

  48. zappadoo76

    Sorry to be a party pooper, but I agree with idiot Republican candidate Herman Cain on this one. We don't know who the fuck these people are who overthrew Gadafi. Are they sharia crazies? Is the US in bed with Islamic fanatics? There have been plenty of rumors to this effect in the MSM. I mean, look what happened after we supported the Taliban against the Russians in Afghanland. Cain is an asshole, but he is not wrong about everything.

  49. ChessieNefercat

    Next time the media want to have some fun asking Mr. Cain "reasonable" questions about a foreign country, I hope they pick one with a name that doesn't sound like lady parts.

    You see the result asking about "Libya" had on his thought processes. This is just one more example of media breasts, I mean bias.

  50. deanbooth

    "The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, 'maize.' Another famous Indian was 'Crazy Horse.' In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you."

  51. Negropolis

    Yeah, and the answer could be raised to epic and inapproiate levels of humor if Herman Cain was Herman Kang.

  52. Chet Kincaid

    Herman Cain does not sound like a maid in "Gone With The Wind", and as for "aintz" and "thatz", you can't fake black dialect just by making up something that sounds stupid.

  53. Chichikovovich

    And we have that on good authority:

    "Roit y'are guv'nor. As me ol' dad used ta say, "aintz" ain't a word, and it ain't in the dictionary". And Bob's yor uncle."

    — Biggie Smalls

    (Did I get the dialect right?)

  54. Chet Kincaid

    mr youse needn't be so spry
    concernin questions arty

    each has his tastes but as for i
    i likes a certain party

    gimme the he-man's solid bliss
    for youse ideas i'll match youse

    a pretty girl who naked is
    is worth a million statues

    – Tupac

  55. Chichikovovich

    I wish I had heard that before I collected a million statues. I was wondering why I still felt a little unsatisfied… frisky, even.

Comments are closed.