TWIRLIN' AROUND IN MY HEAD  10:52 pm November 14, 2011

Here’s Herman Cain Wondering What This ‘Libya’ Might Be (VIDEO)

by Wonkette Jr.

Let’s just “make sure we’re talking about the same thing,” because, well, we aren’t, now are we?

Here’s how the New York Times tries to be really polite about Herman Cain being a jabbering imbecile:

Herman Cain became badly flustered on Monday when asked to assess President Obama’s policy toward Libya, raising new questions about his command of foreign policy as he lurched over five minutes from awkward pauses to halting efforts to address the issue.

HERMAN CAIN 4 PRESIDENT 4-EVER, HE IS DUMB BECAUSE OF BUSINESS. [NYT/Journal-Sentinel]

 
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{ 230 comments }

DrunkIrishman November 14, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Hey, it's not his fault the extent of his foreign policy is knowing what exactly goes on a Mexican Pizza.

nounverb911 November 14, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Aren't those illegal?

Dashboard_Jesus November 14, 2011 at 11:35 pm

well with all that "stuff twirlin' round in ma head" ya can't expect 'ol Uncle Herman to actually KNOW anything about what's goin' on in the world…you try livin' inside that empty noggin and see how it feels (hint: it's LONELY in there!)

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:25 am

As opposed to Aunt Chely's head, which appears to be bursting at the seams with multiple voices?
"Cain/Bachmann/2012 – Between the Two of Them, We Should be Able to Get One Mind"*

*not neccessarily a factual statement.

MaxUdargo November 15, 2011 at 2:29 am

To be fair, he is stuck on the horns of a dilemma. He can't agree with Obama's policy and say he seems to have done the right thing. But, on the other hand, the policy was successful and led to the desired outcome (so far) without the loss of a single US soldier. So the only way to suggest Obama's policy was flawed is to suggest he didn't study the Libyan opposition well enough to know his policy was the right policy, something that Cain admits up front he has no way of knowing because he doesn't have access to all that secret information the president has access to, which is why he can't tell you what his foreign policy positions will be if he is elected, because he won't know what they should be until he has access to all that secret information. But he still knows Obama was wrong, somehow.

So, see, it makes sense if you stop thinking about half way through it. Cain's problem is that everybody over-thinks him. He shouldn't have entered the race until, like, next September.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 12:00 am

Suffice it to say, a Mexican pizza is ladden with shit-loads of chorizo and cilantro. Also, plenty of grade-A Colombian cocaine in place of parmesan, I'm guessing.

Geminisunmars November 15, 2011 at 12:43 am

I'd pay $9.99 for that!

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:16 am

You has to go to Taco Bell to gets the Mexican Pizza and I runs no Taco Bell when elected preznit, now will I?

hagajim November 15, 2011 at 10:48 am

Do the Mexicans on that pizza have a green card or are they illegals stealing jerbz from Merkins?

littlebigdaddy November 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm

He was worried that Libya was a chick who used to work for him who he banged. That is always his concern in these matters.

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:27 am

Herm: What's all that huffing and puffing going on in the kitchen?

Friend of Herm: I'm a-laying linoleum.

Herm: Well, could you ask her if she has a sister?

paris biltong November 15, 2011 at 2:49 am

Lydia? I never even heard of her before you asked me.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 3:37 am

Libya sounds like a black chick's name, and judging by his extra-marital tastes, I don't think he'd be bangin' no Libya, let me tell you.

An_Outhouse November 15, 2011 at 9:36 am

That's Labia, not Lybia.

jetjaguar November 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

Libya?

I hardly knew her!

teebob2000 November 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Libya…. Libya… She a big-legged woman wit a black cat bone from New Or-Leans?? NEVER met her!

tihond November 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm

You can't expect him to be up on both U-Becki-Becki-Becki-Stan and Lib-bib-bib-biyar, especially with all the sexy ladies to "offer jobs" to.

nounverb911 November 14, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Please let Herman win the nomination!
Please let Herman win the nomination!
Please let Herman win the nomination!
Please let Herman win the nomination!
Please let Herman win the nomination!

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:20 am

We stopped Sarah Palin (twice, with the added part being that we didn't even do a thing the second time!) we can send Cain back to the brick oven at the core of the earth, too.

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 8:50 am

The poor guy has soft-shoe'd his heart out, Newsmax, throw him a bone already, offer his books to all your subscribers this election cycle already!

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 9:48 am

Yes, yes, a million times yes.

Dear Rush, Hannity etc. – the reason Cain is dropping in the polls is that we sabotaged him. We liberals, that is. We did our nefarious liberal things (let's see… oh, yes: "high tech lynching", "out of control political correctness",…) and that's the only reason why he isn't riding high any more. You must not let the Demon-rat party collect a scalp like this. Remember, as you always say, the liberals' greatest fear is a "strong, successful black conservative". (Our other greatest fear is a "strong, successful, attractive conservative woman", by the way, just in case you want to get Sarah! back in the race.) I'm being honest with you here. We're quaking at the thought of Cain running against Obama and peeling off 75% of the black vote because he's a better black than we have. So don't let this champion of conservative values end up another scalp of the Democrat Smear Machine: get your fans out there to Raise the Cain!

Signed – A socialist disgusted with what he is seeing. With a name like Chichikovovich, you know I'm trustworthy.

tessiee November 15, 2011 at 9:43 pm

"We're quaking at the thought of Cain running against Obama"

Yeah, quaking with laughter.

MOG2410 November 15, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Down here in the backwoods of DE one of my charming neighbors announced that it would be 'theirs" against "ours" in the election. I'm still picking pieces of him out of my teeth.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 10:57 pm

If it's not a pizza topping, he's not really that interested.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Viral video libel!

Wait, who is Rove anointing as president this round?

Callyson November 14, 2011 at 11:03 pm

"No, that's a different Uzbeki – beki – beki – beki – stan – stan."

Dashboard_Jesus November 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm

wow, has the merry minstrel lost his tap dancin' ability already? there MUST be some hawt Mooslin women in Libya that 'ol Uncle Hermann can harass in a sexual nature (maybe if they told him it was really *Labia* they was talkin' about then he could get all excited agin?)

mourningnmerica November 15, 2011 at 12:13 am

Thank you for recognizing Herman as a minstrel. He really should be wearing one of those five pointed, ball at the end "Fool" hats.

hollywooddood November 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Herb must have thought he was talking about labia.

Chillwaver November 14, 2011 at 11:12 pm

You beat me to it…well done…

HempDogbane November 14, 2011 at 11:35 pm

I'm willing to be his special Labian advisor.

Guppy November 15, 2011 at 12:36 am

Are you going to prove you want the job?

Nostrildamus November 14, 2011 at 11:49 pm

That would explain him looking at the ceiling and making odd motions with his mouth.

Tundra Grifter November 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

Well, I'm glad I read the other comments before posting – cause you got there first.

"Libya" was what he was reaching for when he groped that poor woman under her dress.

mereoblivion November 15, 2011 at 9:40 am

That's why he got tongue-tied?

teebob2000 November 15, 2011 at 5:01 pm

He really put his foot in it!

Um, ew!

ManchuCandidate November 14, 2011 at 11:14 pm

It takes a special kind of dumb to make silver spoon dunce W look like a Rhodes Scholar and Nobel Prize Winner in Physics.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 9:56 am

Maybe this is all part of Karl Rove's long term plan to resurrect the Bush name before the Running of the Jeb in 2016. You think W is stupid? I'll show you some stupid!

(Enter Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Rick Perry stage left.)

ttommyunger November 14, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Lest we forget, Dubya was elected-TWICE- and he is dumber than a box of rocks….at least as dumb as Hermie, maybe dumber.

PrimlyStable November 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

Actually he was only "elected" once…

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:30 am

And even "once"might be pushing the truth.

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:25 am

Bush Gored the electorate once and Kerryed the election the next time.

ttommyunger November 15, 2011 at 10:57 am

He had enough votes to make the initial theft possible. If it weren't close they couldn't have pulled it off.

nonbeliever7 November 15, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Once again, Thank you Ralph Nadar and your insatiable ego.

ttommyunger November 15, 2011 at 12:15 pm

No fucking shit! And egomaniacal assholes like Bill Maher for voting for him, thinking they were making “a statement” other than “I'm an idiot and I'm throwing a perfectly good vote down the crapper!”.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 12:02 am

Fortunately, it seems people haven't forgotten Dubya, and that's a godsend.

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:30 am

Who?

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:27 am

The guy on the stage from Texas who can't speak straight and who initially expected the presidency on a silver platter…

paris biltong November 15, 2011 at 2:53 am

You mean that guy Perry?

ttommyunger November 15, 2011 at 10:58 am

I will go to my grave holding him in contempt. He isn't worth my energy so far as hate is concerned, but I look on him as scum.

bumfug November 15, 2011 at 12:49 am

Bush was white.

ttommyunger November 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

Only on the outside.

emmelemm November 15, 2011 at 2:26 am

Box of rocks LIBEL.

"We'll have you know we're smarter than that bag of hammers!"

ttommyunger November 15, 2011 at 11:02 am

“You'll be hearing from our Attorneys!” – Hammer Defamation League.

MaxNeanderthal November 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm

When you're only a complete tool of a hammer, every problem looks like a nail that needs to be er, nailed, er, er ….did I get that right, Mr VP Quayle…?

ttommyunger November 16, 2011 at 7:51 am

Some say Potato, some say Potatoe.

Jim Newell November 14, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Man, if only I could max out on this guy all over again.

iburl November 14, 2011 at 11:21 pm

That's what she said.

Jim Newell November 15, 2011 at 12:03 am

GROW UP

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 12:06 am

That's what it did.

CapnFatback November 15, 2011 at 1:42 am

Newell . . . are you Wonkette Jr.? Is Layne making you audition for your old job?

coolhandnuke November 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Libya, labia, libruls, labtops…lordy lordy Miss Louissie i aintz know how any of thatz work.

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:38 am

Your ebonics is fucked up.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 3:35 am

People tend to forget it actually has rules. lol

Toomush_Infer November 15, 2011 at 7:53 am

that's Libya, Sonia, Annya, Mary Jane, Ursala-la- and StanStan….

Callyson November 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Summary for those who can't stand to waste five minutes of their lives:
0:40: "I do not agree with the way he (Obama) handled it for the following reason."
(Four minutes of incoherence.)
4:53:
Cain: "All of those things I think should have been assessed. That's what I'm saying."
Reporter: "And you don't think they were assessed?"
Cain: "I don't know that they were or were not assessed. I didn't see reports of that assessment."
Cain does not agree with they way Obama handled Libya…even though he has no idea how Obama handled Libya…Republican logic at its finest…

HempDogbane November 14, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Later he said "If I was President I'd get a hand in there and check that situation out."

paris biltong November 15, 2011 at 2:56 am

Obscene.

BaldarTFlagass November 15, 2011 at 8:25 am

Just do some jawbonin'.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

"I'm not sure we should have killed Quadafi, just encourage him to give some better treatment. You know, push his head forward a little."

PrimlyStable November 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

Yeah, but it was OBAMA handling it, so it must've been wrong. Right?

Tundra Grifter November 15, 2011 at 9:36 am

Win! Even though it worked – Obama was for it so he's against it.

emmelemm November 15, 2011 at 2:27 am

Right… because the White House should share confidential security assessment reports with the pizza guy?

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 8:57 am

Sadly, his performance as the Decider of the [Free] World must have elevated the deliberative process compared to the GWB years.

nonbeliever7 November 15, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Yes, I also listened while doing my…ahem…dooty (thank you Steve Jobs). Two key points to add to the summary; "I have all this stuff twirlling around in my head"and "I would have done a better job" mentiioned at least 3 times. Cain is a rich man's Chauncey Gardiner.

teebob2000 November 15, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Wasn't Chauncey Gardiner rich? It's been a while. I got all this stuff twirlin' around in mah hade.

tessiee November 15, 2011 at 9:48 pm

"Summary for those who can't stand to waste five minutes of their lives:"

I endured about thirty seconds with the sound off, before I was grossed out of existence by Herman holding his hands about ten inches apart while repeatedly licking his lips.

Chillwaver November 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Will the MSM ever stop asking Cain gotcha questions? The average American voter only wants to hear the answers to serious questions such "what's your favorite color?" or "what's your dogs name?" The rest of us just want this asshole to win the GOP nomination. Pretty please…

ManchuCandidate November 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm

I think asking any sorts of questions is a "gotcha."

Joshua Norton November 14, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Must be nice not to worry about things you said all of 10 minutes ago.

lefty74 November 14, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Fuck you, you Koched up neophyte whore bitch cum bucket, Herman fucking Cain!
Worthless piece of fucking shit. Your existance alone has caused the Newt Gingrich to become the second biggest turd afloat in the Republican punch bowl of not too presidential politics.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 12:05 am

Tourette's Libel!

lefty74 November 15, 2011 at 8:01 am

The use of vulgarities is an indication or sign of a shallow intellect.
I plead guilty yer Honor.

tessiee November 15, 2011 at 9:49 pm

As Shakespeare said, "Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate fuckers".

Toomush_Infer November 15, 2011 at 8:05 am

"whore bitch cum bucket"?…while I appreciate the emotion, this epithet seems weak and inappropriate beside the inexorable pithiness of the rest of your commentary…as a former English major (on behalf of my out of work colleagues) we must ask you to tighten up a little, lefty.. There are several alternatives: "assholes' asshole" comes to mind… or "chocolate turd-face" (although this bears an unintended sub-racist undertone)…how about "walking waste of decayed brain tissue"…(too long?)… you get my drift…. I did p you….

iburl November 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm

He would have to have a split personality to qualify as a commander in chief.

So many things swirling around in there.

iburl November 14, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Lybia……? I don't care about no Islamabompbompalubompalompbamboop.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:05 am

Cain's tutti-fruitti all right.

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 12:11 pm

No, no, he says Bachmann's tutti-frutti!

Joshua Norton November 14, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Here’s Herman Cain Wondering What This ‘Libya’ Might Be

He's thinking "I'm not aware of that euphasim for vagina."

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:34 am

Maybe he was thinking of Libya Dole?

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:05 am

Scooter Libya?

Toomush_Infer November 15, 2011 at 8:07 am

I like this "euphasim"… is it like, a euphanism for euphanism ?….

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

It's an orgasmic euphemism.

tessiee November 15, 2011 at 9:51 pm

It's a euphemism for the "bitch-word".

chascates November 14, 2011 at 11:30 pm

This is good news for Newt Gingrich.

BarackMyWorld November 15, 2011 at 12:12 am

And I can't wait for the air to be let out of THAT tire.

Tundra Grifter November 15, 2011 at 9:38 am

BMW: Based on his previous history, Ole Newt will drive another twenty miles on the rim.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 15, 2011 at 2:41 am

His wife has cancer?

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Real men don't worry about geography.

El Pinche November 15, 2011 at 1:31 am

HA! *serious snort laugh* Love your new handle.

RadiosTyrone November 15, 2011 at 1:43 am

I went on a serious Lavelle Crawford, Mitch Hedberg jag last weekend. It was off the chain, baby. My Bro-in-Law hadn't seen our favorite "ain't really a badger video" and he was hooked. And it triggered a hidden gem catch line therein.
Thanks for the link, stupid, see ya' later.

El Pinche November 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

Speaking of comics, I'm really enjoying the hell out of Austin comedy radio on fm 102.7. Austin area radio blows, but this is off the chain BAAYBAH.

user-of-owls November 14, 2011 at 11:35 pm

I don't consider myself a Philistine, but really, the NEA should stop funding performance art that is this poorly put together.

donner_froh November 14, 2011 at 11:39 pm

How many books you sell with that performance, Herman?

Buzz Feedback November 14, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Rommel didn't know where Libya was either.

PrimlyStable November 14, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Surely you mean to say "You know who ELSE didn't know where Libya was"?

BarackMyWorld November 15, 2011 at 12:13 am

Rommel?

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:37 am

It's 10 o'clock – do you know where your Libya is?

Geminisunmars November 15, 2011 at 12:50 am

Dubya?

Negropolis November 14, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Libya? Ya' see, Libya is a many splendored thing. Libya's like a box of pizza…(finish the line). Or, is "Libya" that thing the ladies have? Libya is many things…

fuflans November 14, 2011 at 11:45 pm

to be fair, dude is thinking about pizza.

Nostrildamus November 14, 2011 at 11:47 pm

This is what happens when you don't let Gingrich answer the question first, Herm.

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:37 am

Cain (thinking): "Thank goodness this New York Times one person debate wasn't considered 'historic'!"

Antispandex November 14, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Look Hermie, you have no hope of being elected, but I want to see you nominated, so let me give you a little help here. Stop talking. It''s killing you. Your only hope might be that Sarah Palin strategy where you just answer your own questions. Oh, yeah, why am I helping? Because I so want to see you in a debate with the President!

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:41 am

Cain will stick a sausage in there. In the mean time, he thinks he'll turn Obama into pepperoni at a debate, answering questions with only a promise not to make any decisions that somebody else doesn't tell him to do for him.

Nostrildamus November 14, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Let me ask you this. What do you think of a Obama's policy in Libi-libi-libi-ana-ana-banana?

Come here a minute November 15, 2011 at 6:18 am

Fee Fi Fo Fafi, Gaddafi!

Trannysurprise November 14, 2011 at 11:56 pm

They can just fire the writers at SNL. This shit just writes itself.

BarackMyWorld November 15, 2011 at 12:13 am

They should anyways.

PrimlyStable November 14, 2011 at 11:57 pm

"J. D. Gordon, Mr. Cain’s spokesman and national security adviser, said the candidate had not been at his sharpest in Milwaukee because of a lack of sleep amid a long day of traveling."

Oh, that's a relief. It's not like the President of the United States ever has to make a difficult decision after a long day and not much sleep.

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:42 am

57 STATES!!!!1!!!11!!1

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

Corpsemen!!!!! Austrians speak Austrian!!!!!

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 11:03 am

OK, I'm completely lost on that one.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Sorry – those are two other slips of the tongue that the Freeperati repeat over and over to support the "Teleprompturz!!!" riff. In one speech, Obama referred to people in the Marines as "Corpsmen" – pronouncing the "s" instead of leaving it silent. [This is a two-fer because in their minds it also supports the idea that he disrespects the troops.] Also, at one point speaking extemporaneously about something that involved Austria, he described them as speaking "Austrian" rather than German.

What's remarkable is that there are so few of these things. If any of us had a camera and a mike in front of me every waking moment, we'd be caught making minor slips of the tongue like that hourly.

Edit: Such as for example in that last paragraph, where "me" should be "us". 57 states!

not that Dewey November 15, 2011 at 9:13 am

Godfather's Pizza does not deliver at 3am

Negropolis November 14, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Herman Cain became badly flustered…

"Herman Cain became badly flustered after suffering a series of small strokes and an assortment of seizures…"

/fixed

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 12:03 am

Other acceptable Republican answers to any question:

- In what respect, Charlie?

- Oh, all of them, Katie.

Tundra Grifter November 15, 2011 at 9:40 am

Negropolis:

Don't forget Duh Guv'Nor used "All of them" at least twice. That was her response when asked to name her favorite "Founding Father."

mourningnmerica November 15, 2011 at 12:06 am

The guy is "Charly" from "Flowers for Algernon", late in the book. Every time he opens his mouth he sounds like his IQ has gone down by another 5 points. He, for the first time, looks dumber than Sarah Palin.

Sassomatic November 15, 2011 at 12:08 am

This is exactly what it looked like when I faked my way through an oral final exam for a lit class I'd been ignoring all semester. I was also stoned.

emmelemm November 15, 2011 at 2:29 am

But did you pass?

Tundra Grifter November 15, 2011 at 9:43 am

There is a wonderful scene in the novel "The Strawberry Statement" where the protagonist is sitting for his Master's orals in English Literature. He goes all the way off the rails.

One of the professors, feeling sorry for the guy, tosses up a softball question with the obvious answer "the sonnet."

Rather than take the lifeline, he goes with "limerick" and takes it from there.

mourningnmerica November 15, 2011 at 12:13 am

The guy is "Chance the Gardener". Christ.

not that Dewey November 15, 2011 at 9:15 am

Chauncy Gardener was, at the very least, in touch with the Buddha mind. This guy, not so much.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:21 am

Except that Chance only liked to watch.

OneYieldRegular November 15, 2011 at 12:16 am

Libya. Is that the one…it's communist, right? Or is that the one where, well, whatever, wherever, I disagree. I disagree with most everything that happened there, especially the killing of his own people and such. But we need to assess, we need to have assessments, and look at those assessments, have the intelligence look at them. And that's where I think Obama was dead wrong. Because when I'm president, I think we need to know who the opposition is, who they may be in whatever country, whether Arab, socialist, liberal or what have you kind of country. And that's what Herman Cain as president will do. Thank you.

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:45 am

Well done. I see you studied Hermaneutics in seminary.

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm

So you're his speechwriter!

foog November 15, 2011 at 12:16 am

Haven't y'all heard? Sarah Palin is the new black!

Schmegeg November 15, 2011 at 12:20 am

Sarah Palin, Herman Cain, and Rick Perry . Tonight on Jeopardy.

BarackMyWorld November 15, 2011 at 12:22 am

Suck it, Trebeck.

datateday November 15, 2011 at 2:49 am

"I'd like to buy a vowel."

jus_wonderin November 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

"Monty, I have a hard boiled egg in my purse."

BarackMyWorld November 15, 2011 at 12:18 am

People (usually conservatives) always complain senators aren't qualified to be president because they don't have "executive experience," but they're usually the only ones with a firm grasp of the issues. What's sad is that I that Rick Santorum, despite his double digit IQ and 16th century view of the world, could probably handle all these questions Cain is fumbling without breaking a sweat.

mrblifil November 15, 2011 at 12:25 am

No snark. How much money or other kinds of inducements would prompt a person to endure this kind of unique humiliation? How can he look at himself in the mirror?

emmelemm November 15, 2011 at 2:31 am

This is a guy who pushes random ladies' heads towards his crotch. Shame and dignity are not qualities he has ever possessed.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 3:33 am

Whores don't have a shame reflex?

They are vampires, so they don't see their shame – or anything for that matter – in the mirror.?

ShitFilledExistence November 15, 2011 at 12:36 am

I've assessed the opposition and it's pretty much one big collective moron.

Guppy November 15, 2011 at 12:38 am

Like with Perry, acting stupid is actually an act of pandering to the Republican base.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 3:29 am

I think you meant unlike Perry, 'cause that dude ain't acting. Of all the people on that stage, I get the gut feeling he's legitimately the dumbest one there…and damned proud of it.

ShitFilledExistence November 15, 2011 at 12:41 am

Goddamn, it's like he was trying to get the interviewer to tell him what Obama did exactly..

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:41 am

He was wearing his flag pin. That's good enough for me!

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 9:34 am

Now if he'd only accessorize with a Jesus rhinestone belt-buckle and a Star-of-David necklace, he'd be covered with the nascent demographics.

SpiderCrab November 15, 2011 at 9:36 am

Damn straight!

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Yes, I believe that is also a necessary element.

flamingpdog November 15, 2011 at 12:46 am

"It's not a simple yes-no, because there are different pieces.."

OK, he may have run Godfather's Pizza, but I'm glad he wasn't working behind the counter the one time I went to Godfather's.

not that Dewey November 15, 2011 at 9:16 am

"Would you like me to cut the pizza into 8 or 12 pieces?"

"Oh, 8. I could never eat 12 pieces of pizza."

bumfug November 15, 2011 at 12:51 am

The things twirling around in Herman's head are the same things that twirl around in my toilet bowl when I flush.

Nothingisamiss November 15, 2011 at 11:36 am

I'm not sure why this doesn't have more p…..First thing I thought of when I heard it…

mavenmaven November 15, 2011 at 12:57 am

"I don't know, and I don't need to know. If I go there, I'll know."

imissopus November 15, 2011 at 1:11 am

The best moment is around 5:01 when Herm finishes yapping about things that "should have been assessed," spreads his hands, and leans back in his chair with the air of self-satisfaction usually only seen on the face of a man who has just finished passing a particularly large turd out of his rectum, as if to say, "Nailed it! Let's see you journalists counter that particular brilliance."

If he does by some miracle win the nomination, I don't think Obama would even have to campaign.

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 9:38 am

I'm pretty much tired of the press, especially a fucking EDITORIAL BOARD, giving these grappling idiots looking to decide out country's fate or make a lucrative career out of knowing nothing, a pass.

Nothingisamiss November 15, 2011 at 11:38 am

My thought was that they didn't give him a pass….They had every opportunity to tell him what the hell they were alluding to and very adroitly side stepped every time. I loved it. I was thinking that after that interview they were thinking, "Oh, yeah, viral video…"

fartknocker November 15, 2011 at 1:12 am

I couldn't make it past 47 seconds. Rick Perry for President. Hell, Rick at least knows how to deal with Mexicans. Herman is a nothing more than Sarah Palin the Pizza Artisan',

What a ingrown pube peddler.

El Pinche November 15, 2011 at 1:32 am

Three words: Mozzarella Cheese Poisoning
Poor bastard is running on a brain stem.

tymberwolf817 November 15, 2011 at 2:31 am

The live feed at OccupyNYC is down. Evidently Zuccotti Park is being raided. Emailed the mayor.

johnnyzhivago November 15, 2011 at 6:28 am

In a strange sort of way, this may actually be a good thing. I haven't heard a single person right or left NOT agree with most of the issues being brought up – but almost everyone seemed to hate the tactics.

The movement should morph from 1000 people in one place for 2 months to 2 million people demonstrating for one day.

Just a thought….

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:34 am

"I am willin' to look like a complete, empty-headed bullshitter in order to not go on record agreeing with Obama. How many ways would you like me to explain it?"

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 9:40 am

It isn't even about Obama, not one bit. He simply knows NOTHING about Libya, or anything that doesn't affect his next gig.

Laughitoff22 November 15, 2011 at 2:35 am

"I've just got so much choreography in my head right now," -Britney Spears

Thank you Herman Cain for sounding eerily like a vacant Pop Star. You have my vote.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 3:34 am

He's already got the shaved head. All he needs is an umbrella and an unsuspecting automobile.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 15, 2011 at 2:44 am

Sadly, this will probably gain him 10% amongst GOP voters.

bebecca2298 November 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Good! Bring him on!

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:53 am

Herman's brain is one big Soul Train Scramble Board.

Come here a minute November 15, 2011 at 6:21 am

This was one of those lame-stream media gotcha open-ended questions. They should have asked something specific, for example, "Will the Herman Cain administration negotiate with Muammar Gaddafi?"

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 6:36 am

Slow your roll, dude. Herman says one country at a time. He says that we must first establish relations with Chairman Mao before we start talking about Gaddafi.

Preacher_Griz November 15, 2011 at 6:55 am

The ruck stop Pizza Mogul looks like nobody ever told him the correct answer will always be: "No Coddling Islamofascist muslim terrorists"

remember, it is not torture if it is a muslim

johnnyzhivago November 15, 2011 at 7:30 am

Hold on here… He says he DIDN'T agree with Ghadaffi killing his own citizens – who were Muslims. So Cain doesn't like people who kill Muslims??? What the hell kind of President would he be??

Smithboy November 15, 2011 at 7:34 am

Guys…he's had a lot on his mind lately. Does he remember the women who have charged him with vulgar behavior, or not?

Libya is just not that high on his list, right now.

Indiepalin November 15, 2011 at 7:41 am

Mr. Cain, what will be your first priority when you are elected President of Penn St.?

Redhead November 15, 2011 at 7:43 am

Well, he's got a point that the president doesn't have to know EVERYTHING. It just would be nice if he knew more than pizza toppings and how to shove women's heads toward his dick.

BlueStateLibel November 15, 2011 at 7:59 am

Next time any idiot tells me we need a "successful businessman" in the Oval Office, I'm going to smack them up in the head with this video.

Toomush_Infer November 15, 2011 at 8:11 am

This is simple. You tell people to make pizza. They tell you they did. They sell it and give the money to you. That's executive twirling around…

BaldarTFlagass November 15, 2011 at 8:30 am

"Do you mean like Libya's-Libya's-Libya's on the label-label-label? Sorry, if I wanted vegetables on my pizza, I'd have gone to the salad bar."

EatsBabyDingos November 15, 2011 at 9:04 am

Herm's new book: "Presidential Campaigning for Idiots-From "Uzi-beki-beki-beki-bekistan" to "Th-Th-Th-That's All, Folks!" in Five Easy Steps"

LiveToServeYa November 15, 2011 at 9:05 am

Herman, your circus called to say they want their clown back.

Rosie_Scenario November 15, 2011 at 9:14 am

I love how even though Cain has no idea what he is talking about he DOES know that he disagrees with Obama. And he would do the opposite of what Obama did. GOP philosophy in a nutshell.

DaRooster November 15, 2011 at 9:15 am

"No I do… um… it's not an easy… well… um… no… I said… uh… [ding],,, I don't know if… I make deliberate decisions… uh… facts… uh… Gimme some head!!"

proudgrampa November 15, 2011 at 9:18 am

He really is a piece of work.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 15, 2011 at 9:20 am

“Some people think that as president you need to know everything”
At this particular trait, Cain is an overachiever.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 15, 2011 at 9:20 am

He needs one of those socialist, gay, creeping Sharia teleprompters.

Pres.Libunatic November 15, 2011 at 9:20 am

Damn that Lamestream Media and those "gotcha" questions.

Somehow, I think "OK, Libya…" will reach iconic status as a catchphrase here similar to "All of them, Katie."

An_Outhouse November 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

Wonkette Jr is getting lazy and just posting clips from the Onion News Network.

Right?
Please?

smitallica November 15, 2011 at 9:47 am

"Why yes, I disagree with the way President Obama handled Libya, because it was successful, done with international support, cost a relative pittance, and not a single drop of American blood was shed. And that's just not how we Republicans do things."

DahBoner November 15, 2011 at 10:37 am

What a cunning linguist!

I wonder, does he lick it where he sticks it?????

Crowe2011 November 15, 2011 at 10:48 am

Paraphrase: "I don't know what he did; tell me so I can tell you I disapprove of it." I know this is basically the GOP 2012 strategy in a nutshell, but does he have to be so blatant about it? Obama should cut them off at the pass by announcing that he supports sunshine, puppies and love. Throw it out there and see what they do with it.

"Is this the Mitt Romney who was against being for puppies from the standpoint of he was versus against puppies?"

tessiee November 15, 2011 at 10:08 pm

"Obama should cut them off at the pass by announcing that he supports sunshine, puppies and love"

"I'm in favor of good health. But my opponent, he's in favor of cancer!" — Chris Rock, "Head of State"

EBGrey November 15, 2011 at 10:52 am

It's like watching a deposition of a guilty client.

Serfville November 15, 2011 at 10:54 am

Screenshot of Hermie Cain also lying about the size of his dick. Nice!

NowTheyTellMe November 15, 2011 at 11:31 am

How long before he just starts tap dancing and smiling and saying "heh heh heh"? This guy is as painful to watch as any "Amos and Andy" caricature I've ever seen.

Troglodeity November 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Don't laugh. She's going to be his Secretary of State.

NorthStarSpanx November 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

And assumes the position, cause you know, that's how you get (and I assume, keep) a job in a Herman Cain outfit.

Troglodeity November 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm

His handlers are doing a terrible job.

SaintRond November 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I'd love to know the title's of those shelves of books he's sitting in front of. "Green Eggs & Ham?" "Walter the Farting Dog?" "The Story of Dr. Dolittle?" What the fuck is this guy reading?

meatlofer November 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm

He is The Godfather of Stupid! Herman!!!! Peter Pan is not a wash basin in a whore house.

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Ah hah! So Cain plagiarized Miss One-of-the-Carolinas to demonstrate his grasp of world affairs!

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Perry, Bachmann, Cain. President Obama is onto something, saying in a recent interview that he doesn't think he'll have to resort to negative advertising or character assassination to win.

"We'll just run clips from the Republican debates (and random interviews!) without comment on an endless loop."

And none of the Republicans bothered to squawk about it. What could they say? Something stupid proving the President's point?

gurukalehuru November 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Trump, then Bachmann, then bippety bap boink, down go Cain and Perry in a single week. Callista's Toy Boy is coming on strong into the gap but for some reason I don't think Mr. Shops at Tiffany's is going to last much longer.
If the ABR crowd wants to nominate somebody, they're going to have to think further outside the box than that. Just get out a big old hook and yank Bachmann, Perry and Cain off the stage. They're finished. Replace them with Johnson, Roemer and Karger. Or get comfortable with Ron Paul.

MOG2410 November 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Little Newtie doesn't need any help getting in trouble, he always steps on his dick.

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm

"Little Newtie doesn't need any help getting in trouble, he always steps on his dick."

Well, maybe if he could keep his damn pants zipped, he wouldn't have that problem.

bebecca2298 November 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I saw Michael Stelle on MSNBC a few minutes ago say something like-well, last week during all the sexual harrassment talk, Cain wanted to talk about the issues and when we actually do talk about this issues, this is the best he can do?

zappadoo76 November 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Sorry to be a party pooper, but I agree with idiot Republican candidate Herman Cain on this one. We don't know who the fuck these people are who overthrew Gadafi. Are they sharia crazies? Is the US in bed with Islamic fanatics? There have been plenty of rumors to this effect in the MSM. I mean, look what happened after we supported the Taliban against the Russians in Afghanland. Cain is an asshole, but he is not wrong about everything.

Gainsbourg69 November 15, 2011 at 2:30 pm

TITS or GTFO.

Negropolis November 16, 2011 at 2:54 am

Better yet, just get the fuck out.

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Next time the media want to have some fun asking Mr. Cain "reasonable" questions about a foreign country, I hope they pick one with a name that doesn't sound like lady parts.

You see the result asking about "Libya" had on his thought processes. This is just one more example of media breasts, I mean bias.

deanbooth November 15, 2011 at 7:28 pm

"The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, 'maize.' Another famous Indian was 'Crazy Horse.' In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you."

paris biltong November 15, 2011 at 3:03 am

Just like Reagan did, except maybe for the concubines.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 6:59 am

Yeah, and the answer could be raised to epic and inapproiate levels of humor if Herman Cain was Herman Kang.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 9:53 am

Euripides libel!

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 10:11 am

Well, I'm voting for Herman Kodos.

ChessieNefercat November 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Nobody has to change the rules to keep me un-hip! I'm just a natural!

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Herman Cain does not sound like a maid in "Gone With The Wind", and as for "aintz" and "thatz", you can't fake black dialect just by making up something that sounds stupid.

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Jesus, that's all they've got? "Lemme see here, yeah, 57 states…Corpse-men and ah…aw shucks."

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Let's compare gaffe rates:
Obama – 3 per decade
Gingrich – 3 per year
Romney – 3 per month
Perry – 3 per week
Bachmann – 3 per day
Cain – 3 per hour

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm

That sounds about right to me, except I'd put Bachmann at 3 per hour. Cain I think has been sustaining a near-miraculous 3 per sentence average – I don't think even he can keep that up much longer, but the streak will go down as a milestone never to be equalled. The Joe Dimaggio 56 game hit streak of politics.

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Herman Cain IS the Herman Cain Celebrity Roast.

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm

And we have that on good authority:

"Roit y'are guv'nor. As me ol' dad used ta say, "aintz" ain't a word, and it ain't in the dictionary". And Bob's yor uncle."

— Biggie Smalls

(Did I get the dialect right?)

Chet Kincaid November 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

mr youse needn't be so spry
concernin questions arty

each has his tastes but as for i
i likes a certain party

gimme the he-man's solid bliss
for youse ideas i'll match youse

a pretty girl who naked is
is worth a million statues

– Tupac

Chichikovovich November 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I wish I had heard that before I collected a million statues. I was wondering why I still felt a little unsatisfied… frisky, even.

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