BOOK LEARNIN'  3:47 pm November 14, 2011

Bill O’Reilly’s Dumb Lincoln Book Banned By National Park Service

by Wonkette Jr.

Abe Lincoln wrote the best Constitution right after he won the Revolution War!When you go to a national park or historic site or whatever, there’s always a gift shop with appropriate gift items. Ford’s Theatre in Washington, where a prancing confederate teabagger actor killed America’s greatest Civil War president, has just such a gift store. You could buy an Abraham Lincoln plush, we imagine, or maybe a Mary Todd Lincoln goth hoodie. But what you won’t find is television idiot Bill O’Reilly’s new book about the Lincoln Assassination — because it’s so full of ridiculous mistakes and errors and blunders and outright falsehoods that the historians fear some “regular non-Fox News people” might accidentally buy the book as a souvenir and then become mouth-breathing cretins.

Salon’s Justin Elliot reports on the hilarious historical scandal:

A reviewer for the official National Park Service bookstore at Ford’s Theatre has recommended that Bill O’Reilly’s bestselling new book about the Lincoln assassination not be sold at the historic site “because of the lack of documentation and the factual errors within the publication.”

Rae Emerson, deputy superintendent at Ford’s Theatre, which is a national historic site under the jurisdiction of the National Park Service, has penned a scathing appraisal of O’Reilly’s “Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination that Changed America Forever.” In Emerson’s official review, which I’ve pasted below, she spends four pages correcting passages from O’Reilly’s book before recommending that it not be offered for sale at Ford’s Theatre because it is not up to quality standards.

So what did the blowhard jackass get wrong in his “million-selling alternate history textbook”? Oh, some basic stuff. All the scenes in the Oval Office are suspect, because the Oval Office didn’t exist at the time. There’s also a bunch of conspiracy theory and wrong dates, places, names, numbers, pretty much wrong everything … which is about what you’d expect from a Fox News report. [Salon/Washington Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 168 comments }

FNMA November 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I guess the part about Robert E. Lee being on the grassy knoll tipped them off.

Dr_Zoidberg November 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Or when Colonel Sanders burned Atlanta.

bureaucrap November 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Thus inspiring his recipe for chicken "extra crunchy".

elviouslyqueer November 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Or when dear Abe tweeted the Gettysburg Address to his followers.

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

First draft began with the phrase, "How now and brown cow"…

not that Dewey November 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

140 characters is not nearly enough. Needs bullet points and auto-content wizard to really get the point across.

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I heard Abe didn't have health insurance.

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Nor were there any chickens on hand for bartering.

elviouslyqueer November 14, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Nor did he wear an onion on his belt, as was the fashion at the time.

a_pink_poodle November 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Wait I thought it was the Hitler who burned down Atlanta with his army of Soviet Redcoats

Dr_Zoidberg November 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

No, that's from Glenn Beck's historical tome of the Revolutionary War – "We Fought the British to Defeat Socialism!'

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I thought the main problem was when Lincoln commanded his forces to dump the body of Jefferson Davis off of the side of his carrier without releasing the photos.

Dr_Zoidberg November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Photos or it didn't happen!!

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Wasn't Ford's Theater originally called Building #7? And didn't Booth have early CIA ties?

jsmith321 November 14, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Sheesh…O'Reilly just showed a copy of a letter on his show from an official at Ford's Theatre indicating the reports are false and his book is on sale there. I just love when Olbermann and people here get caught believing any lie or inaccurate statement slamming a conservative. Wonder if Olbermann or any other liberal blogger will retract and apologize……hear the crickets??

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:31 am

Or the part about Jeff Davis crossing the Mississippi one fateful night to defeat the Louisianan Haitians.

RadiosTyrone November 15, 2011 at 1:48 am

Creole, baby, like when Robert Johnson tried to sell his Civil War era guitar on Pawn Stars.

OCcupied_Surf_Serf November 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Lies go in. Books get thrown out. How do ya explain that? (Besides good judgement)

McRibzgood November 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Damn I should read the comments first. I was a little punchy on my snark.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm

FOX News?

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm

This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 14, 2011 at 7:06 pm

That reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of criticism, although I can't remember who wrote it, directed toward Marilyn Quayle's book Embrace the Serpent:

"This book makes you want to roll up a newspaper and hit it over the head saying 'Bad book, bad book!'"

flamingpdog November 14, 2011 at 8:04 pm

No, word salad should be tossed.

4TheTurnstiles November 14, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Fuck it, we'll do it live

Blueb4sunrise November 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Dern you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CrunchyKnee November 14, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Well, Lincoln was a republican, so I'm sure he was a tea bagger as well? Just sayin' (Fox logic and all).

Needz moar war on Christmas.

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Needz MOAR war on EVUHTHANG!

Swampgas_Man November 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

They didn't fire on Fort Sumter, they fired on the North Pole! Thousands of elves died in vain!

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub November 14, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Lincoln was really more of a moderate liberal (moderate because, well, he was no flaming abolitionist), so definitely not a teabagger.

If slavery were still an issue today, what side do you think Bill would be on, the pro-States' Rights & pro-property rights side, or the Nat Turner/John Brown "Kill Whitey" side?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 15, 2011 at 9:43 am

He'd be on the I-got-mine-so-fuck-you side, no matter where, no matter when. In this case, he'd be on the I-got-my-slaves-so-fuck-you side. If he was living high in Mao's China, he'd be all for the commie party and shooting down the librulz.

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Who needs facts when you can just make shit up?

prommie November 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm

It was the claim that John Wilkes Booth escaped by knocking a tourist off his Segway and zipping off into the night on it that got people suspicious.

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 14, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Mmm, I thought the bit about Booth going into a homicidal rage after binging on falafels was a mite tendentious, meself.

Blueb4sunrise November 14, 2011 at 3:55 pm

True fact: Motto of Ford's Theatre was Fuck it. We'll do it live!

BaldarTFlagass November 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Aside from that, how did you like the play, Mrs Lincoln?

samsuncle November 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Should have had Newt as his co-author because everyone knows that Newt is a well known historian.

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:54 pm

He's such a well-known historian that he's the only one EVAH to make $300K just for teaching history. Unlike that Doris Kearns Goodwin poseuse.

SexySmurf November 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

So, the part about the newly freed slaves wanting "more motherfucking iced tea" wasn't true?

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Imagine that.

Sue4466 November 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Someone better lockdown the Lincoln wikipedia entry before BillO's fans "authenticate" his facts there.

SorosBot November 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

So wait, are you telling me that Pres. Lincoln wasn't actually a staunch defender of states' rights?

Guppy November 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

"The states have a right to KISS MY ASS!"

–A. Lincoln (O'Reilly, 2011)

CapnFatback November 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Well, I suppose that what O'Reilly gets for putting John Wilkes Booth on the "Patriot" side of the ledger.

gullywompr November 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

You know who else was shot down at Ford's Theater?

nounverb911 November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Edsel Ford?

weejee November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Gaston Chevrolet?

nounverb911 November 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

The Detroit Lions?

MistaEko November 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

CATS?

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Dee Troyt?

Blueb4sunrise November 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Jesse James?

Dr_Zoidberg November 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Sparkly vampires?

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Andrew Dice Clay?

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Ford Maddox Ford?

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

John Dillinger?

Antispandex November 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Oswald?

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 14, 2011 at 5:35 pm

The City of New York?

flamingpdog November 14, 2011 at 8:08 pm

"Hey Joe"'s old lady?

starfanglednut November 14, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Well, he did have that gun in his hand.

gullywompr November 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Yeah, where was he going with that anyway?

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:42 am

Walter Reuther, first, nearly at the Battle of the Overpass in Dearborn, and then finally at Black Lake in Northern Michigan?

johnnyzhivago November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Lincoln was congratulated for freeing the slaves while at the theater. "What the fuck are you talking about I ordered that drunkard Grant to leave the caves, not free the slaves. I'll fix that in the morning – thanks very much. Free the slaves – that would be some serious shit – you could start a REAL civil war with that kind of talk!!!" And there was much laughter all around.

WhatTheHolyHeck November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Another juicy factoid revealed in the book: The Lincoln-Do­uglas debates took place at the Lincoln Center, where the President argued with Kirk Douglas about the fiscal implications of using old scripts from Sea Hunt as the foundation of our national environmen­tal policy.

FNMA November 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm

That is so wrong. Kirk Douglas wasn't in Sea Hunt. That was William Shatner.

WhatTheHolyHeck November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Hey, I'm totally qualified to write a book now!

Isyaignert November 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Sorry, but it was Lloyd Bridges in Sea Hunt. Used to watch it all of the time. They all do all have a certain kind of look, tho.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin' glue."

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Hey, *I* was gonna say that.

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 14, 2011 at 5:33 pm

And William Shatner in SeaQuest, if you want to put a fine point on it.

FNMA November 15, 2011 at 8:08 am

Jeez, it was a joke. OK, it wasn't a good joke…

McRibzgood November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I write shit Ford's Theater doesn't put it on the shelf. You can't explain it.

SmutBoffin November 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

This is the kind of thing that gets your history license revoked.

starfanglednut November 14, 2011 at 9:02 pm

OT, but your icon is really cute.

Pragmatist2 November 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Some people say that "the truth" is a front for George Soros and was actually born in Kenya.

weejee November 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Did Wild Bill include the factroid that Teddy Kennedy drove the getaway car?

starfanglednut November 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

No, no ,no. Teddy killed Lincoln himself. At Chappaquiddick.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

"… with the laser dot pointed squarely at his noggin, the President removed his coat to allow his Jet Pack the proper air to fuel ratio for take off. But he was too slow."

Joshua Norton November 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

The part about Booth being an ACLU card-carrying commie liberal who voted for Obama was a bit of a stretch.

anniegetyerfun November 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Haha, they didn't carry cards back then! Stone tablets.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Al Franken said Abe Lincoln was shot because the guy sitting behind him couldn't see over his hat.

That's probably not in Bull O'Really?'s book, huh?

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I thought *every*body knew that. I mean, it's really annoying.

SmutBoffin November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I hope there are many erotic passages in the book because Bill is a master of vivid depictions of the sexual act.

Isyaignert November 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

You mean with lines like, "Say baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up." This is an actual quote from one of his sick fuk audio books that I accidentially listened to one time.

CapnFatback November 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Why did you keep accidentally not hitting "Stop" on the player?

Isyaignert November 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Hahah – good one! Actually, I was listening to the Stephanie Miller radio show and they played that clip to make fun of Bill-O.

Schmannnity November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I learned a lot. Who knew that Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address came from Roger Ailes' talking points?

bureaucrap November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

The scene in the book where lincoln dies just before he reveals the location of the buried treasure is NOT believable. For one thing, he never kept a live parrot perched on his shoulder, and he never said, "Arrgh, aye, mateys."

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Fourteen men on a dead man's chest–but enough about necrophilia.

flamingpdog November 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Sorry, we don't serve Necros here at teh Wonkette lunch counter.

SayItWithWookies November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Maybe when O'Reilly said that Lincoln cut taxes right after the Peninsular Campaign, embraced states' rights and market-based strategies for ending slavery, had definitive proof that Jeff Davis was hiding weapons of mass destruction in Charleston Harbor, and that John Wilkes Booth was a Muslim who had once been editor of the Harvard Law Review, that he had done a little further than the historical record warranted. But then those sissy scholars in their ivory towers are always yelling about facts — O'Reilly tells history from his gut, you liberal simps. Get used to it!

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Abe was the OG GOP.

flamingpdog November 14, 2011 at 8:14 pm

O'Reilly tells history from his gut, but the story doesn't come out of his mouth.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:47 am

Silly, everyone knows that Jeff Davis hid the WMD at Oak Ridge. Charleston Harbor is where Stonewall hid the U-Boats.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm

It seems highly unfair to hold someone from FOX to a standard that requires them to be factual and accurate.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

So, does this mean there is no truth in Bill's claim that Lincoln gladly produced his birth certificate before being sworn in?

Or that before being elected president, he was mostly known for his skill with a loofa?

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:50 am

He says he was born in a log cabin, but I want to see the axe before I make my decision.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

“… lack of documentation and the factual errors within the publication.”=WTF?!

Joshua Norton November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Fun Fact: Lincoln was the first president to let big party donors spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom.

DahBoner November 14, 2011 at 5:08 pm

#WINNING

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:50 am

Joshua Speed Libel, yo!

prommie November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

This bores me, I am going to go out and get a loofah sandwich. I can't wait till I get home from work tonight, I plan to take a long, hot shower and falafel the grime off my skin.

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

The Oval Office–how'd it get there? Who put it there?

Joshua Norton November 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I know. I know. Charles McKim (McKim, Mead & White) designed it for Teddy Roosevelt.

What do I win?

Geminisunmars November 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm

An autographed copy of “Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination that Changed America Forever.” Woo hoo.

Infrogmation November 14, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Needs more gals on velvet swings.

Steverino247 November 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

William Howard Taft, believe it or not. Nathan C. Wyeth did the design. More here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oval_Office

Angry_Marmot November 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Because when Taft sat around the Oval, he sat AROUND the Oval.

meatlofer November 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

…and they say Mary Todd Lincoln was nuts?

arihaya November 15, 2011 at 2:37 am

compared to current Republicans candidates, Mary Todd Lincoln was like an Aristotle

MistaEko November 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

It was really the conspiracy fun facts that didn't sit well with the Park Service. Stuff like Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre then hid in a warehouse, while Oswalt shot his load during phone sex with producers then his wife hid in the arms of a Long Island Policeman.

ProgressiveInga November 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Your move, Keith Olbermann!

hagajim November 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

"ridiculous mistakes and errors and blunders" – isn't that Billo's nickname? Also – I want to know if there are any loofah's in the book.

Chillwaver November 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Laugh now, libtards. Billy-O's book about Pearl Harbor is gonna crush it.

HarryButtle November 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Germans?

flamingpdog November 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Especially the part about him falafelling Pearl in the shower.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:52 am

Those damn pineapple-chomping Hawaiians. I knew we should have kept a better eye on them. Obama bombed Pearl Harbor! The Baby Barack went back in time to do the dirty deed!

Mumbletypeg November 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Used to be you'd publish books because you were a noted historian, Bill; you don't get designated a noted historian just because you publish books. Some logical fallacy must've fallen out of your skull and onto the page while you labored over this barf sandwich. Next time stick to Pinheads for Dummies: self-portraiture might be easier to render accurately in your case.

hagajim November 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm

But it ought to be noted that Bill is a noted asshole.

elviouslyqueer November 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Well, according to Bilious Billo, Honest Abe was a total socialist who had the temerity to free a bunch of poor black folks, thus creating the welfare morass we're in today. Lincoln (D), obvs.

coolhandnuke November 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

The passage where "Lincoln dined on $16 muffins that morning' does raise a question or two.

CapnFatback November 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

"Ol' Honest Abe stared leeringly at Mary Todd, who was cleaning his hat. 'Crazy in the head; wild in the sack,' Abe thought.

She noticed Abe's five-dollar stare. 'Penny for your thoughts, dear.'

He laboriously dropped his britches. 'One penny? How about a whole roll?'

'And then some,' Mary Todd cooed.

Abe advanced like Meade into Gettysburg: 'Say baby, put down that stovepipe and get my stovepipe up.'

And that's why the Lincoln Bedroom has come to be known as Sex Mountain."

SmutBoffin November 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Did you know that Abe Lincoln was so tall that dropping his trousers took 6.2 minutes?

You can look it up.

CapnFatback November 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

You know, I'm willing to bet that there was more historical accuracy in my little passage above than in the whole of O'Reilly's book.

arihaya November 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

just wait until BillO write a book about the heroism of Bush when he finally found and killed Osama bin Laden

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Bush was kinda like a seal… all trained up and shit.

OccupyFnChicken November 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Didn't we just cover the swag discussion in another thread? Cheap, tasteless crap that the Park Service doesn't want the responsibility of foisting onto its patrons.

MaxNeanderthal November 14, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Hey, that's capitalism you're talking about there, get the cheapest, crappiest product, then sell it a grotesque mark-up, and you profit margin will be the best evah! I mean, just imagine if Shakespeare WAS written by an infinite number of monkeys? Aside from the bananas, where's the overheads?

Antispandex November 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

…“because of the lack of documentation and the factual errors within the publication.”

Well, if THAT is going to be your standard, sure! Why not just ban ALL Teapublican publications! That sort of censorship is not what America is all about! OK, it should be, but it isn't.

ProgressiveInga November 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm

F*ck accuracy. Let the markets decide!

Geminisunmars November 14, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Freedums of the Press!

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Too bad. I rather liked the part where Newt's time machine kids arrange a daring rescue and a shirtless Reagan jumps out of an apache attack helicopter with a machine gun in one hand and says, "Hasta la vista, southern democrats."

Toomush_Infer November 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Quit raggin' on Bill – his diet just doesn't allow him any more to reach his computer – he has to do everything by Dragon Naturally, and that doesn't allow for research…

DerrickWildcat November 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm

BILL O'REILLY'S
book about abraham lincoln.

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Lincoln: favorite drink? turpentine.

McRibzgood November 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Will Bed Bath and Beyond stock his line of loofa/falafels?

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Yep. They're called Loofalafels.

McRibzgood November 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I used to play the loofalafel in high school. I was second chair.

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm

You were in the Whoville marching band too?

flamingpdog November 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm

I hope you cleaned up afterwards.

SheriffRoscoe November 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm

You know who else wrote a book "lacking in documentation and full of factual errors?"

Geminisunmars November 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

God?

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Um, Hitler?

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Herman Cain's book only had one factual error: the title.

Angry_Marmot November 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Pyotr Ivanovich Rachkovsky?

not that Dewey November 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Stephen Colbert?

horsedreamer_1 November 15, 2011 at 1:12 am

Charles Murray?

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:52 am

Dan Brown?

BigDumbRedDog November 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm

I am planning to do my part by reshelving this in the fiction section at all of my local bookstores as well as the library. I suggest you all do the same.

starfanglednut November 14, 2011 at 9:11 pm

While you're at, could you put the Catholicism books in the true crime section where they belong? Thanks, you're the best.

Nostrildamus November 14, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Too bad. I loved the part where Lincoln freed the slaves from Obamacare.

owhatever November 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

The facts stop here.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm

The Ron Paultards are engaged in a Texas Steelcase Death Match with Bull O'Really's book over at Amazon.

Turns out Bull said something nasty about Mr. Paul – so they hate him.

Also turns out they think Abe Lincoln was a complete jerk (I did not know that). So they are unloading on Bull's book. With some 1,100 "reviews."

Sweet!

Herring_Burnit November 14, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Watching RWNutbags Nom Each Other < — My dream holiday entertainment.

DahBoner November 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Which chapter does Lincoln take a shower with a falafel, while sexually harassing a subordinate by telegraph???

Rotundo_ November 14, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Like all the winger books (ordered by the pallet load by conservatard money people to hand out as gifts for subscribing to magazines or donating to think tanks) this one will provide a warm cozy feeling as it joins dozens of others at a pop in the fireplaces and burn barrels of the world. If they ship them to the soldiers over in Afghanistan soon, they can use them for heating and also for fuel savings while burning the shit barrels at the latrines with the kerosene. It may not be welcome at Ford's Theatre, but out in the Afghan hills where it's no doubt getting chilly, some fine literature will go well in the burn barrel or the shit barrel. At least it is combustable.

Guppy November 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

But he based it on a noted television documentary! It even starred Rex Hamilton!

El Pinche November 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm

I guess NPS felt the chapter where Lincoln loofah-bangs Mary Todd in the Ford theater bathhouse was inaccurate.

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

On the subject of right-wing propaganda about presidents. My daughter's school had a "book fair" at the local Barnes and Noble. Teachers display recommended books, and school gets a cut of what gets bought. Waiting in the kids section, I happened to pick up a book for lil' sprouts on president Reagan. I can see where the next generation of wingnuts will be coming from.

Full of little gems like "President Reagan wanted to cut spending when he got to Washington. But some programs – like school lunches and Medicare – were so popular that Congress wouldn't let him. So he couldn't cut as much as he wanted, and spending continued to grow, just at a slower rate." No mention of the absolute explosion of military spending, which made every other bit of discretionary spending look tiny. Page after page of stuff like that. Divorce from Jane Wyman? Bluff, noble Ronnie just wasn't ready for Hollywood people and their Hollywood ways. Iran-Contra? Ronnie victimized by rogue officer in the Pentagon (interestingly, the officer is not given a name).

To use the phrasing chosen by people who study scientific method, the Reagan Revolution has clearly entered it's "normal phase".

coolhandnuke November 14, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Ronnie divorced Wyman–who was one fine actress at the time–so he could marry Nancy–who was one lousy actress, but did carry the nickname Best Little Blowjob in Hollywood.

rocktonsam November 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

oh and those autopsy photos seemed rather suspect also

Slim_Pickins November 14, 2011 at 6:21 pm

What does poor, maligned Bill think of this conspiracy to prevent two or three people from accidentally buying his book?

unclejeems November 14, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I hear several copies were snatched up by the library at Governor Perry's alma mater, Texas A & M. But most of them had to be discarded before they made it to the shelves–the corps of cadets had come through and colored in them. Then they had to close the library down–someone had checked out the remaining book.

ttommyunger November 14, 2011 at 11:41 pm

"Bill O’Reilly’s Dumb Lincoln Book Banned By National Park Service." Well, it's a start, now if we can just ban the big dumb cunt himself.

thefrontpage November 15, 2011 at 11:49 am

This is a passage, quoted verbatim, from Chapter Six of O'Reilly's book:

The night before the play was a particularly amorous one for the Lincolns. Conceding to Mary's consistent pleas to "expand our horizons" and "experiment," Abe finally agreed to join Mary at one of the "D.C. Swinger" parties that Mary saw advertised in the "Personals" section of "The Washington Post-Herald-Times City Paper," an "underground" popular broadsheet in the nation's capital. The "swinger" party was held around the corner from the White House on L Street, and Abe and Mary were well-received at the party, which featured Democrats, Whigs, Republicans, Congressmen, businessmen, socialites, college students, Hill staffers, two Supreme Court judges, lobbyists, more businessmen and a particularly peculiar group of city men who liked to dress as women!

thefrontpage November 15, 2011 at 11:49 am

The party lasted for several hours, and as the night wore on, everyone took their clothes off and a wild, uninhibited orgy of sexual activity occurred. Mary and Abe slept in the next day, and most of the White House staff did, too, as they also attended the party." –from Bill O'Reilly's Lincoln book, Chapter 6, "The Secret Nightlife of Abe and Mary."

WeHaveIssues November 15, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Fox Noos and Bill… We just make shit up and say it with authority. Works most of the time.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

George Soros.

ShitFilledExistence November 14, 2011 at 10:09 pm

He did, however, carry around a lot of garlic to keep vampires at bay.

Negropolis November 15, 2011 at 1:29 am

Which is all and well being that the war was between Team Edward and Team Jacob.

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