As America prepares to give Newt Gingrich his turn at waterboarding its collective unconscious with streams of incessant nonsense the media will for some reason pretend to pay attention to for a couple weeks, men’s fashion zine GQ brings us this late-breaking SCOOP about nearly-forgotten idiot Herman Cain’s political platform on, uh, pizza toppings: “A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.” True words of wisdom! And that line is how we will remember him, now that two national polls have officially declared him a loser who can’t even get through a discussion about pizza toppings without saying something that reminds us he is an awful macho man sex creep.
From the GQ interview:
Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?
Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.
Chris Heath: Why is that?
Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]
What the hell does that even mean? “Poverty is for pussies,” we guess. Meanwhile, his awful shtick has worn down to a wimpy “thin crust” with voters!
From the CNN poll write-up:
The survey indicates that only a bare majority of Republicans tend to believe Cain, and more than a third say he should end his presidential campaign. Among the general public, Cain has a bigger credibility problem – 50% of all Americans say they tend to believe the women and only a third say they believe Cain.
GIVE US MONEY! -