Herman Cain Is Also Sexist Against Vegetables

As America prepares to give Newt Gingrich his turn at waterboarding its collective unconscious with streams of incessant nonsense the media will for some reason pretend to pay attention to for a couple weeks, men's fashion zine GQ brings us this late-breaking SCOOP about nearly-forgotten idiot Herman Cain's political platform on, uh, pizza toppings: "A manly man don't want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza." True words of wisdom! And that line is how we will remember him, now that two national  polls have officially declared him a loser who can't even get through a discussion about pizza toppings without saying something that reminds us he is an awful macho man sex creep.

From the  GQ interview:  

Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?

Herman Cain:  [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.

Chris Heath: Why is that?

Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs] 

What the hell does that even mean? "Poverty is for pussies," we guess. Meanwhile, his awful shtick has worn down to a wimpy "thin crust" with voters!

From the CNN poll write-up:  

The survey indicates that only a bare majority of Republicans tend to believe Cain, and more than a third say he should end his presidential campaign. Among the general public, Cain has a bigger credibility problem - 50% of all Americans say they tend to believe the women and only a third say they believe Cain.

Ha ha, America is listening to "women" now, Herman Cain probably doesn't even want to be president of you lunatics anymore, anyway.  [ GQ / CNN ]