Only Doktor Paul can save America's health now, by killing it.Barack Obama’s weak-sauce health care legislation does a couple of good things but completely evaded the whole issue he campaigned on, which is health care for all Americans. But even a couple of regulations — such as health care executives no longer being allowed to perform Satanic rituals on the fresh corpses of children denied coverage — might not be covered explicitly in the pro-slavery Constitution of the late 1700s. And that’s why the Supreme Court has finally agreed to wage war on Obamacare, probably in March of next year. Will the “pro-American” Supreme Court majority agree to ban health care completely? It’s an important election-year political battle, so if you’ve got a pre-existing condition you should try hard not to die before then, because politics is interesting!

Reuters reports:

The Supreme Court agreed on Monday to decide the fate of President Barack Obama’s healthcare law, with an election-year ruling due by July on the healthcare system’s biggest overhaul in nearly 50 years.

The decision had been widely expected since late September, when the Obama administration asked the nation’s highest court to uphold the centerpiece insurance provision and 26 states separately asked that the entire law be struck down.

Because the biggest provisions of the law don’t take effect until 2014, the Supreme Court’s fringe-right multimillionaires have a rare chance to completely erase the whole “Obamacare” fiasco before it actually happens! [Reuters]

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I'm sure that Scalito and Roberts will take a cautious, nuanced look at this legislation. Then they'll laugh, piss on it, and set it on fire. Thomas will look up from his nap, give a small belch, and go along with whatever they want.

    • snarkycomments

      That's being unfair to Thomas. He'll actually sit there sullenly through the entire arguments, take a huge dump on stare decisis and then declare that since antibiotics weren't in the Constutition they damn well better not be in any American hospital neither.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Any chance porky Scalia and his porky mini-me both keel over from a heart attack before March?

    • nounverb911

      When does Scalia go hunting with Cheney again?

    • HarryButtle

      If they did, Barry would feel it necessary to appoint replacements who reflected the conservatard viewpoint and pick Grover Norquist or G Gordon Liddy.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      No. They have government health care.

    • Come here a minute

      Just one would suffice — no need to get greedy.

  • McRibzgood

    Unrelated to this post.

    Baconz is sad today. It's the last day for the McRib.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

  • nounverb911

    That's okay, the world ends December 21, 2012 any way.

    • OccupytheDashboard

      and not a fucking moment too soon.
      (I'm having a bad day)

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        You are having a bad day. Imagine poor Mitt Romney. He's compromised every belief he has, squandered his money, is still not trusted by the majority of the GOP, and yet if he does win the Presidency, the world will go kablooie before he even gets sworn in.

        • OccupytheDashboard

          Yeah, but even if he does all that and he loses, he's still richer than Croesus.

  • McRibzgood

    I got 50:1 they rule down party lines….Any takers?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Anthony Kennedy?

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Take moneys from the poors and give it to big, rich, health insurance corporations? 200,000 shares in Cigna say the SCOTUS won't overturn that big-business gravy train.

  • hagajim

    I figure SCOTUS will rule 5-4 against Health Care and then demand Obama be sacrificed to the gods of Galt Gulch…or something like that.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Think how much healthcare costs will plummet when everybody's dead!!!

    • DetectiveGrey

      Actually, according to the laws of supply and demand, they might skyrocket if the doctors and insurers die first.

    • jus_wonderin

      You optimistic view ignores the non-living surcharges the insurance companies are sure to levy. Or the "are you sure you are dead" fees.

  • Not_So_Much

    This is bad news for Ron Paul's eyebrow-transplant specialists.

    • poncho_pilot

      self-accredited eyebrow-transplant specialists.

      • jus_wonderin

        Down here we have those dark wooly caterpillers. RP could just put a couple on his bow, botox them and, "viola!", instant eyebrows.

  • What's the point of being rich if the poors can get the same access to health care that I can?

  • Callyson

    Great–so Justice Kennedy will have the final say on this. Looking forward to (still) having no healthcare coverage already…

  • Crank_Tango

    Thank god they will save me from the tyranny of health insurance, that's all I have to say.

    • Nothingisamiss

      But you have the freedom to remain without healthcare and die of a treatable illness, you commie!

    • HarryButtle

      Thought that said "…save me from the tranny of health insurance…" Which is a whole other nightmare. But still less scary than Scalia.

  • Schmannnity

    Oh goody! A chance for pro-life conservatives to say you are on your own once the amniotic fluid dries.

  • offbrandboobs

    What you're saying is that I have to do a whole new budget to actually pay out-of-pocket for the twelve or so abortions I was planning to have?

    I call bullshit.

    • Unwanted pregnancy is easily avoided with the help of Planned Parenthood. OH WAIT. Nevermind, you better do that new budget.

    • jus_wonderin

      Well, we all know if you get 5 abortions, you get one free. So, there's that.

  • memzilla

    Strict constutionalists will, however, allow black people to have 3/5 of a health plan.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Tyranasaurus Healthcarus was dead before it was born.

  • chascates

    Ha! The government can't force us to take care of ourselves! The Right wants the healthcare system Antarctica has: none.

    • GhostBuggy

      Actually, penguins probably take care of each other better than we do. So I'll take it.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    We need more capitalist market-driven health care like China has!
    When will you learn, Amerikuh?

  • SmutBoffin

    Who is "DSF"?

    • I think it's Double Satan Fucker. Though I could be making that up..

      • SmutBoffin

        Ah. Everything is in order then.

    • HistoriCat

      Is he/she/it/them the recently so-productive Wonkette Jr??

  • McRibzgood

    But think of all the Death Panel jobs lost!

  • Joshua Norton

    Obamacare will only apply to corporations with pre-existing conditions when that crowd gets through with it.

  • edgydrifter

    American workers will finally be free to enjoy the same competitive advantages and opportunities for unburdened growth as their compatriots in Mogadishu.

  • Hail to thee, DSF. Never fail bring the buttsecks.

  • Chichikovovich

    Scalia is looking forward to this because he can reuse part of his opinion in Bush v. Gore: "Yes, I know this opinion appeals to an unbelievably broad principle that I've never mentioned before and I'll never mention again. A principle that, if consistently applied, would undercut almost all my jurisprudence in this area. But it applies to this case and this case only so don't get any ideas, you smartass bastards."

  • V572625694

    Some thoughtful commenter here made the argument that when SCOTUS snuffs Obamacare it'll actually be a good thing because it will somehow force us into the happy utopia of a single-payer plan. Would whoever it was please do so again? Cuz it's seeming less and less likely.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Congress would be more likely to pass a resolution recognizing the positive contributions pornographic actresses have made to society than ever pass a single-payer plan.

      • V572625694

        The Jenna Jameson Act of 2012, passed by unanimous consent!

        • Generation[redacted]

          Reaffirming "In Boobs We Trust."

      • Negropolis

        Now, that's a change we can believe in.

  • Limeylizzie

    I am assuming Justice "Pubes" Thomas will recuse himself due to his sleeping with this woman?

    • V572625694

      You're mistakenly assuming that in Thomas' view, sleeping with a woman would somehow give her influence over his thinking. Women are property to be used as men see fit. It's going to take a while to get that enshrined in precedent and law again, but Clarence is a relatively young man. He's already convinced himself that affirmative action is wrong, even though he was perhaps its most notable beneficiary.

      A black man growing up in the rural American south has a lot of payback to give.

  • Redhead

    The right to fuck over anyone making less than your or with a different skin color is a God-given Amurikin right, damnit! Right up there with the right to hit cher wiminz and carry a gun at all times to shoot anyone looking at yer funny or takin yer jerb.

  • RadiosTyrone

    What's the big rush?

    • PubOption

      A talk radio personality with weight and drug problems.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Please nobody ask about the little Rush.

  • V572625694

    Now that a majority of Americans supports an individual mandate, it's obviously time for the imperial potentates of the court to snuff it before it begins.

    • McRibzgood

      God bless the will of the people.

  • x111e7thst

    Gotta kill ObamaCare before it takes hold. If you wait till the provisions take effect people will start to like it. That's what happened with RomneyCare.

    • V572625694

      And Medicare. And Social Security. And unemployment compensation. And the progressive income tax. All of which the Right-tards fought ferociously against and still want to undo. Then they'll start on Amendments XIII and XIX. Just because women can vote now doesn't mean it has to be that way, anymore than chattel slavery — which is in Jeesus' Bible, after all — has to be illegal forever.

  • KathrynSane

    One more reason to put myself in a medically-induced coma until the end of the 2012 elections.

    • Midway117

      Any suggestions on the pharma/household appliances/craft beer combo necessary to do so??

  • SorosBot

    Considering that, of the dozen of of federal courts that have ruled on the Affordable Care Act, all but one have found it constitutional, including rulings by some of the most conservative federal judges, I wouldn't worry too much on this one.

    Also, I for one welcome our new mysterious initials-only overlord.

    • And you expect the Supreme Court not to fuck you up the ass with your own conventional wisdom because…?

  • UnholyMoses

    Considering that the law is almost WORD FOR FUCKING WORD the exact same as the GOP-proposed answer to Hillarycare from the early 1990s, can we please stop calling it "Obama's health care law?"

    The law should more accurately be called "The Health Care Plan Republicans Crafted Back Before They Became Nuttier Than Elephant Shit."

    I know, I know — reality is optional for the GOP and about 99.98% of the media (.02 for Krugman). But a guy can try …

    • Chichikovovich

      Ah, but the Republican of today has a response to that consideration. [No joke, I've heard this in person several times, and seen it several more times on blogs.]

      "Look, we never intended to pass that plan. That was just a fake plan we dishonestly crafted as a rhetorical aid to derailing Hillarycare. So it doesn't count."

      • UnholyMoses

        Yeah, I've heard/read the same basic argument.

        And while I'm not supposed to do so (as a good little dirty fucking hippie peacenik dude) I hate hateHATE HATE Republicans because of shit like this. I mean, all politicians play games to get elected, gain media attention, etc., but they're not even trying any more … and haven't for quite some time.

        Of course, if we had a real-life, actually-functioning-as-intended media in this nation, they'd never get away with that kind of shit. But we don't, so they do.


        Is it bad that I'm beginning to hope the world really does end in Dec. 2012? 'Cause starting over doesn't sound like such a bad idea any more …

    • Negropolis

      It's absolutely insane. What Obama proposed was almost 100% the 90's Republican plan for health care.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Instead of this GOVERNMENT TAKE-OVER OF THE HEALTHCARE INDUSTRY, I much prefer the old Republican plan to provide tax penalties for people who won't buy coverage, subsidies for the poor to buy private insurance, helping people with pre-existing conditions get coverage, and increasing competition by letting individuals shop for plans online.


  • FNMA

    So this Supreme Court thing, is that the death panel everybody's been talking about?

    • PubOption

      A group of people in black robes sounds right, but I think they will need a few scythes to complete the stereotype.

  • Ok, whatever, but when is the Supreme Court finally going to take up Traffic Stop Slavery??

  • DetectiveGrey

    Who knows, if Obamacare does get overturned, maybe the current pool of GOP candidates will orgasm so hard they'll pass out and be unable to run.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    If you have already allowed SCOTUS to choose a President how can you not trust their judgement on this issue? Oh… nevermind.

  • Given that 2012 is going to filled with the Iranian War, global famine, pig flu plague and finally the destruction of the earth by an invisible comet, I'm sure this will be at the bottom of the Cain/Palin Administration's list.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I wonder what constitutional argument the court will roll out to justify fucking over millions of Americans in the name of evil. Publically-funded cancer treatment violates of the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment? Sending a heart attack victim to the hospital constitutes illegal search and seizure as defined in the Fourth Amendment. Cheap AIDS drugs violate the Commerce Clause? Can't wait to find out.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I, for one, am looking forward to our conservative friends in the media decrying this as activist judges undoing the work of democratically elected representatives of the people and legislating from the bench.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Unfortunately, your Unbridled Optimism is a pre-existing condition, and therefore not covered.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Barry should argue ask for a change of venue. Mexico and Cuba still have independent judiciaries.

  • prommie

    I love to see Dr. Paul practicing his love on the women of amerka, there, without no dadburn mal-prac-tice lawyers gettin' involved.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    AKA Dungloe Street Fighters.
    Group of youths who terrorize the small, usually peaceful village of Dungloe in Co. Donegal.

  • mereoblivion

    Um, that was no fun while it didn't last?

  • Chichikovovich

    Edit: Well, without the original post, this one doesn't make much sense.

  • owhatever

    Future headline — Supreme Court Kills Obamacare on 5-4 vote.

    • OccupyFnChicken

      Activist judges, all. STOP LEGISMATING FROM TEH BEMCH

  • prommie

    BTW, OMG, IMHO: Fuck this healthcare plan, its a sellout to the insurance companies. Single-Payor Medicare For All, or GTFO, motherfuckers. Thats how you go hardcore.

  • Pragmatist2

    I think Michelle Bachmann should argue the case. The Court just loves arguments based on incoherent anecdotes filtered through "common sense" from graduates of the Oral Roberts School of Law and Biblical Paleontology.

  • C'mon guys! I'm sure that THIS time Barry and the Dems will fight for us. Christ it just kills me that we get four more years of teatard rule by proxy.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well the centrist justices will be all for it, and the conservative justices will argue that they have no right to use that newfangled judicial review to be activists and decide on the Constitutionality of whatever laws Congress passes, so it'll be approved unanimously. But then again I just drank two bottles of cold medicine.

  • DahBoner



    I'm trying to teach Pandora what kind of Musak I like…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm assuming that the Justices will refuse to use their government provided health care until after their decision to avoid a conflict of interest?

  • Dominic Strauss Fahn?
    Downtown San Francisco?
    Dr. Scholl's Footpads?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Drunken Socialist Fag.

      (It's Wonkette, after all :)

  • OccupyFnChicken

    If it gets killed, then YAY! We'll get a big fat reimbursement check from the insurance companies that fucked us hard in January with drastic premium hikes.

    No, wait…

  • OneYieldRegular

    What an awful country.

  • DahBoner

    Medicare Part-E (Everyone) is rumored to cause SCHWING!!!!!!

  • Toomush_Infer

    This is all because corporations never get sick…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just remember, if the Romney inspired individual mandate goes down, no one questions that single payer is constitutional.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Oh, they will.

  • Biff

    If this court fucks us as I expect them to, I'll offer to marry one woman to provide her with healthcare through my pension. I'll be 60 next year, so you won't have to put up with me forever. Hate to be all one-way about it, but only one woman, I'm not a Mormon, and I'm terminally hetero…

  • iburl

    I think there is a very good chance that the healthcare reform will be shot down. They should have made it a tax and had universal coverage. Making it mandatory to buy private insurance is unconstitutional. Let's try 2009 over again, this time with more feeling.

    • Negropolis

      My only fear is the politics of this immediately before the election. I agree; it needs to be shot down, but it'll mean a Republican president who won't do shit or will probably make things worse.

  • Plowmon

    Let's go to a truly fair and constitutional system: If you need healthcare just be sure to buy a lottery ticket when you're in the liquor store every afternoon…

  • ttommyunger

    A decision to uphold ( I know, I know) would put Obamacare on the fast-track. A decision to strike down would open the door to Medicare for all. Medicare has never been successfully challenged in the courts. This will be interesting.

  • Crowe2011

    Spoilers: they've agreed to hear the anti-injunction argument which if they uphold it means they will defer any judgement on the healthcare reforms until 2015. Given none of them want to make a decision this close to the election, put money on it this will be the result.

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