flotus files

Michelle Obama Punished With NASCAR Race In Everglades

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Our Michelle Obama just likes to surprise us every day, mostly with bad news about how we’re all killing ourselves, eating things that are probably not classified as “food” by any branch of science. But she also likes to surprise us by showing up places where a FLOTUS would not be expected to appear, like on the set of a popular tween teevee show about a girl who doesn’t get knocked up like her Nickelodeon peers despite being named after an mp3 player. Unfortunately, the 2012 End Times are upon us, which means our FLOTUS now must cut back on fun television appearances and start making important trips to awful sporting events, where the important voters are. Like NASCAR!

Michelle Obama is set to appear at the final NASCAR race of 2011 at the Homestead-Miami Speedway on November 20.

She and Dr. Jill Biden, as part of their efforts through Joining Forces — a group that helps military families — will serve as grand marshals at the championship Chase for the Sprint Cup finale, the Ford 400.

In a statement, the White House says: “As part of the season-ending NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship race, NASCAR will rally its millions of fans at the speedway and online to serve military families through the holiday season by asking them to visit www.NASCAR.com/Unites and JoiningForces.gov to find service opportunities and ideas to give back to those who serve our country.”

Generally, Michelle Obama’s name has not been connected to NASCAR, but the first lady’s work for military families ties in nicely with the event.

And of course, as a nice added bonus, Florida is kind of important in 2012 politics.

Barry is too scared to go to some of these places, so it appears that the new strategy is just “send Michelle.” We can only hope that increased security will prevent our FLOTUS from getting trampled by slobs. [ABC]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke
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      1. BerkeleyBear

        Go back and re-watch (I know I do) – President Bartlett's staff would kill to have passed half the stuff the Obama Administration has covered. The writers routinely had them lose on policy fights – it was much more fun that way, I guess.

        But no one notices that because Martin Sheen was so damn awesome. That, and they only flirted with economic disaster rather than having an actual economic disaster unseen since the 1920s – probably seemed too unrealistic.

    1. Advn2rgirl

      I think that was Primary Colors, with fishing: "This is New Hampshire.
      These people don't know you. They don't even know your state.
      They know Orlando Ozio, the governor of a real state. But they came to meet you and you didn't show.
      I talked to the head of their Democratic party about fly-fishing. . .
      for an hour and ? minutes. Do you realize how. . .indescribably boring fly-fishing is? Do you realize I've now committed to doing. . .this, this thing with him?
      I'm going fly-fishing because of you, you asshole!
      It's not funny. You can't do this to me,Jack."

  1. DerrickWildcat

    There's a lot of hi-tech science going on in a NASCAR race. You can tell this by all the guys in lab coats and clip boards in the crowd. Those dudes really really like Tide also too.

  2. McRibzgood

    NASCAR is the most american of sports. It's loud, overpriced, full of pollution, commercials every where, goes around in pointless circles and full of drunked uneducated hicks in RVs.

    1. Terry

      …and here I thought it was supposed to be baseball.

      Actually, the MOST American of all sports is basketball. Invented by a man named James Naismith in Springfield, Massachusetts.

  3. SexySmurf

    I am the only adult male in America that is more excited about Michelle appearing on iCarly than going to some stupid race car thing?

    1. DetectiveGrey

      I feel like that's a question that expresses doubt that GOPers will be excited. Black women, little boys, and corporate naming schemes? How is this NOT their wet dream? All it needs is tax cuts for the rich and a scene where someone slams their dick in a bible and even Ron Paul's questionably useful junk will be standing at attention.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Ah, it's been going downhill ever since Sam and Freddie started dating.

      [Yes, I have a daughter. Who sometimes gets scared if she's alone in the TV room.]

  4. slithytoves

    Generally, Michelle Obama’s name has not been connected to NASCAR

    See folks, this is what we in the academy refer to as an "understatement."

  5. Mumbletypeg

    "As part of the season-ending

    … // …

    to give back to those who serve our country.” — The White House

    Well that run-on sentence took more laps without stopping for punctuation than a typical racecar pushing its momentum to extremes so I have no qualms this story is bona fide as in "the real deal" no less authenticated than say if the press release spokesman were a former sportscaster or announcer nay even an auctioneer for that matter.

  6. DetectiveGrey

    Michelle at a NASCAR event sounds like the closest thing the extreme right will get to understanding the meaning of 'Cognitive Dissonance'.

  7. OccupyFnChicken

    I'm still reeling over Barry's appearance on Fox News… and now this?! Michelle is one brave woman.

  8. BigDumbRedDog

    She's just going to where she can do the most good. I've never been to a NASCAR race, but in my imagination EVERYONE there is morbidly obese. Except for those pit crew guys, they are probably pretty light on their feet.

  9. weejee

    Will our beloved FLOTUS and Dr. Biden be lip-dipping some Skoal and spitting into a small empty jars of Miracle Whip? Gettin' into the NASCAR grooooove so-to-speak?

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Oh, I want Michelle and Jeff Gordon to get into an Alexis-Krystle slapfight over who's the prettiest person at the track. Please please please please PLEASE.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    I don't think Michelle and Dr. Biden need to worry about the rest of the NASCAR audience — once they notice she's got lentil-stuffed tofu slabs and veggie burgers on the hibachi the rednecks'll be keeping their distance.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Heard just before the melée: "But I heard all the pit crews talking about V8s and I thought they must be thirsty."

  11. SorosBot

    And now Michelle has broken a barrier, becoming the first black person to ever attend a NASCAR race; although they weren't actually segregated, it's just that black folks aren't dumb enough to watch them.

    1. Shellwith2Ls

      Actually, the FLOTUS will be the second black person at a NASCAR race. My sister had been to two or three. This is a weird thing to be the "Jackie Robinson" of, I have to say.

    2. mayor_quimby

      I know several other black folks that have gone, but always for free. We're not gonna pay to go somewhere as white as a Klan rally!

  12. coolhandnuke

    Please great Guzzeleen God in the sky, please let my favoritest athlete–Dick Trickle–win this race.

    1. north_of_moscow

      Dick Trickle is a great American. From his wikipedia entry: "He was also widely noted for having drilled a hole in his safety helmet so that he could smoke while racing, and for installing cigarette lighters in his race cars. [1] Trickle was allowed by NASCAR to smoke in the race car during yellow flag periods, and in the 1990 Winston 500 (now the Aaron's 499), Trickle was seen on live television by the in-car camera lighting up and smoking a cigarette."

  13. Mahousu

    She'll talk the NASCAR guys into getting out of their cars and walking for a few laps, to get a little exercise.

    Surprisingly, there will still be spectacular collisions during this segment of the race.

  14. Redrighthand

    Her "don't slather nacho cheese all over everything all the time" initiative will carry well with this crowd.

  15. OneDollarJuana

    Michelle Obama at NASCAR? Last time I checked, turn left fans don't exactly vote Democratic. Not sure she's going to get many votes for hubby there, but she will increase the person of color ratio by 100%.

  16. L188188

    150,000 drunken, white-bread, confederate-flag wearing, pickup-truck drivin', Dukes of Hazard lovin' rednecks and Michelle Obama… what could go wrong?

  17. ttommyunger

    I knew there was a good reason why I would never want to be the First Lady, now I see what it is. Fuck NASCAR!

  18. Negropolis

    Generally, Michelle Obama’s name has not been connected to NASCAR, but the first lady’s work for military families ties in nicely with the event.

    I love the honesty in this. Shorter author: them soldiers/war-fighters loves them sum Nasscore!

    This may be a moment in history, though. I think this will have been the first time a black woman attended a NASCAR event on her on volition.

  19. DrunkIrishman

    And they booed her.

    Of course they did. NASCAR fans are the reason I can never consider whites the superior race.

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