great foreign policy experts of our time

Michele Bachmann Is Completely Unaware That China Is Communist

Blathering reject Michele Bachmann showed off her fancy foreign policy knowledge at Saturday’s dull GOP debate by noting that the real capitalists over there in China don’t give out food stamps according to her expert sources (Space Lizard Jeebus), which is why they are kicking America’s socialist economy in the ass. Why can’t America be as capitalist as China?

Gawd, this awful, hilarious woman who has never read a single complete sentence about China in her entire life or even overheard a conversation about China, via TPM:

If you look at China, they don’t have food stamps. If you look at China, they’re in a very different situation. They save for their own retirement security…They don’t have the modern welfare state and China’s growing. And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone.

Why bother refuting such air-tight logic? The audience even applauded this line of reasoning, because it is perfect and brilliant, like godless communist Michele Bachmann. [TPM]

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    1. kissawookiee

      To say nothing of the golfing success of Kim Jong Il, because then the Ryder Cup would be ours every year! U-S-A!!!

    2. Preacher_Griz

      You can go ahead and make your elitist Fun Jibes at Axis of Evil North Korea but it is hard to deny their successes as a Self Sufficient country and as a model Anti-PC/Nanny State.

      Their people know not to expect their govt to solve any of their problems.

    3. Whitemellon

      The people who clapped for her must be seriously deranged. I believe she would like a Chinese type government here in the states. She is by no means the only one.

    1. weejee

      Her foldless brain (see below) produces inverse Rayleigh scattering producing a marked red-shift. Mayhaps we should call her Miss Scarlet.

  1. Schmannnity

    Cain doesn't know PRC has nuclear bombs and she thinks that it is free market capitalism. Time for No Adult Left Behind.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I think the current crop of GNoP Presidential candidates is No Adult Out in Front.

      Or Back in the Pack.

      Other than Mr. Huntsman, of course. Who does appear to be intelligent, knowledgable about the world and America's place in it, articulate, level-headed, and reasonable.

      He doesn't stand a chance of being nominated.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Actually, at the rate they are going, Huntsman will probably get the nomination by default, being the only candidate left that hasn't self-destructed.

  2. Pragmatist2

    And they don't have Happy Meals in China either because all their children are godless and therefore unhappy.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Believe me, they have Happy Meals in China. They actually manufacture Happy Meals in China. And there are more than a few Chinese who make quite an impressive living supplying Happy Meal toys straight from the source to idiot American collectors.

  3. DaRooster

    "They save for their own retirement security…"

    Uh… I don't think most of the people feel too… um… secure.
    (So we must be catching up)

    1. freakishlywrong

      Yes, they live in crushing poverty and "retirement" is not even translatable in Chinese. So. Yeah, Shels.

    2. V572625694

      The great new is that China is privatizing all those dreary 12-floor apartment buildings without elevators, so when you get old you can keep in shape by humping up and down the stairs with your groceries. Noodles are pretty light anyway.

    1. HedonismBot

      China has a thriving black market in harvested organs. The invisible hand in action! We could learn a thing or two from them.

  4. freakishlywrong

    I wonder if Shels feels the same glowing support for the one-child law in China? I wonder if she knows the Government pays for all those abortions? I wonder if this crazy diamond knows what she had for breakfast this a.m..Fucking nutter.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      But it pulls her face back and tight so that with her slanty eyes she appears to be oriental. Maybe that's the way she identifies with all those Chinese followers of Ayn Rand.

  5. DaRooster

    "And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

    "'Cuz you know, all that growth, stability, security… you know decent jobs for everyone that needed one, good roads to drive on, healthier children, a chicken in every pot… just ridiculous!"

    1. Barrelhse

      Apparently, she'd settle for a "So-so Society", or maybe even "A Fair-to-Middling Society"?
      Anything but a Great Society here in the U-S-of-A, when a third-world society holds so much for us to aspire to- we can all be Mexican Cartels!
      Dismal fucking cunt.

    2. Biff

      Which explains the way she looks. (Bear with me, here.) She has never seen herself because she has no mirrors in her house because by her just looking at shit it disappears, which would maybe be a good thing for her to do…

  6. SorosBot

    And most of China's products is made with virtual slave labor – which is exactly what Michele and the rest of the wingnuts want with their neo-feudalist authoritarian policies. It's kind of nice to get someone stupid enough to admit it instead of trying to pretend they don't want to fuck over every American who makes less than a hundred thousand a year.

    1. Nesnora

      I just read a book about factory girls in China… often they are forced to sleep in huge rooms full of people in sleeping bags and eat right at the factory and then THAT even comes out of their wages (also no healthcare whatsoever)… not to mention the beatings and rapes and isolation many of them endure.

      I'm just waiting for the repubs to come up with this on their own and label it "Putting the Homeless in Homes and Back to Work" program with their perverted jesus stamp of approval…

    2. MaxNeanderthal

      Amazing how the right wingers answer to defeating regimes they don't like is to make their democracy exactly the same as those regimes… the batshittery just piles up and up, don't it…?

    3. V572625694

      There's one eensy-weensy problem with China's growing economy: all those kids making firecrackers at their desks in school instead of learning shit are doing it for the benefit of the Peoples' Army — the is to say, the government. What is that term we use for government ownership of the means of production? Oh yeah: socialism.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Another sign of how the Republican party has gotten more insane in the past 40 years. Nixon at least recognized that it was "a truly great wall".

  7. EatsBabyDingos

    "And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

    If your Gorgon stare can get rid "programs" with just a stare, please do us a favor and look in the mirror.

  8. TanzbodenKoenig

    I would like to be the first to donate to Shelly's campaign for the Chinese presidency. Then her and Kim Jong-il could have some kind of deranged autocrat staring contest until they hopefully both go into a coma and out of everyone's misery

  9. slithytoves

    And she's demanding she get asked more questions? That's like driving to the police station and asking for a sobriety check after a night on the town.

  10. swordfis

    Serious question: Are these people for real? Who is gaining from having these imbeciles running for president? Romney? Could he have secretly funded their campaigns? There have never been so many idiots running for president since … um… oops.

  11. Schmannnity

    It is now clear that if the Republicans want a conservative alternative to Romney, they are going to have to offer a better package to Putin.

  12. paris biltong

    Why stop at LBJ's programs? Do the Chinese have an unfettered right to bear arms?

    According to the NYTimes: "[In Washington States] Since 1995, more than 3,300 felons and people convicted of domestic violence misdemeanors have regained their gun rights in the state — 430 in 2010 alone — according to the analysis of data provided by the state police and the court system. Of that number, more than 400 — about 13 percent — have subsequently committed new crimes, the analysis found. More than 200 committed felonies, including murder, assault in the first and second degree, child rape and drive-by shooting." One of the places where it's easiest for felons to regain their gun permits is Minnesota.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      paris biltong:

      Apparently it is easier for ex-felons to regain their right to keep and bear arms than it is for them to re-obtain their right to vote.

      Fortunately for the rest of us, Michelle Obama has the right to bare arms – and she does a dang job of it!

    2. DaRooster

      Sadly… I have not been able to regain my gun rights from a non-violent felony committed in 1985… no trouble since, same job for 20 plus years, etc…

      1. paris biltong

        I sympathize with you. I myself have not regained my right to carry drugs since an equally violence-free drug conviction at around the same time.

      2. Biff

        All my felonies were as a juvenile, so no worries. Kept me out of the Air Force though, which left some pretty terrifying alternatives for me…

  13. freakishlywrong

    I was so relieved on the Meet the GOP yesterday when the awful David Gregory asked her to clarify this stupidity. Oh, he didn't? He just let her blather her nonsense uninterrupted and un-challenged?
    He saved the hardball and wingnut talking points for Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

  14. anniegetyerfun

    In China, you generally can't check into a hospital without paying upfront for your services. Where I lived, this meant that a number of people who didn't have enough money for, say, coronary bypass surgery, died in the ER while doctors look on passively.

    I'm amazed that not a single GOP candidate has suggested that we should follow that model of healthcare, because it's right up their alley.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      It's going to take a few more brain-melting FOX News rays until they can come right out and say it, but, judging by the reaction that Michele gets, things are really looking good!

  15. not that Dewey

    She claimed that Reagan "left Russia in the dustbin of History", which is why I suppose Russia is presently the only nation on Earth that can transport people or supplies to the International Space Station. Their unique position in the dustbin allows them to have a functioning space program.

  16. GregComlish

    If you want to start a business in China the state must be granted 50% ownership. And if you do anything to piss off the authorities they will fire you from your own business and confiscate your business's property. Also they can execute or imprison you or your employees at a whim. This is the "business friendly" environment that Republicans applaud.

    1. Biff

      It's probably a good thing that most USAmerican business owners with holdings in China are absentees, then. Just like in Al Qaida, it sucks to be numma two.

  17. JustPixelz

    Newt Gingrich (aka "The Smart One") also said if America wanted its economy to grow, we should be more like China with no capital gains tax. (Note to Newton: Only capitalists have capital.)

    China has your basic 19th century post-feud sweatshop capitalism, relying on low-cost, low-skill rural labor. But there are government owned corporations. For example, electricity and oil (State Grid & China National Petroleum). Do Michele and Newt believe a few strategic industries in America should be nationalized … so we can be more like China?

    1. GhostBuggy

      As a side point, what is all this shit about Newt being so smart? Where the hell did this come from? I got into an argument with a coworker who I otherwise respect and is usually a thoughtful guy, and he was going on about how Newt's this smart guy (even though said coworker wouldn't likely ever vote for him) compared to everyone else the GOP has running.

      He sits up on that stage like a sack of oranges, with that weird-ass smile that guy on SNL has down perfectly, and bitches about mean questions from Chris fucking Wallace. Smart?

        1. GhostBuggy

          Well, that's true. They could stick a dachshund up there on a podium, though, and it would win that contest.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Well, for one thing, China forces their prisoners to work, where as America coddles their prisoners allowing them too much free time to make things like Shivs and engage in homosexual rape.

    1. Biff

      Back in the late 80's I had a friend that manufactured the swag dentists and doctors give out to children who don't make a fuss when they get a shot or whatever. He moved his shit to China for profits, so I guess you're absolutely correct.

  18. Ancient_Hacker

    Hmm, she must have been asleep or having a huge migraine in class when they talked about how about 45 million Chinese died in 1960 by starvation. Perhaps a few food stamps would have been appropriate?

    Too Soon?

    1. Guppy

      I think the problem was she was paying attention. They all starved thanks to their inability to grasp basic Objectivist philosophy.

  19. Biel_ze_Bubba

    So the choice is between American society (as it was before Dumbya and his cronies wrecked it), and society as currently "enjoyed" by the citizens of the People's Republic of China.
    I'm actually fine with the idea of having the GOP put it to the voters, in exactly those terms.

    1. El Pinche

      Then sell her kid farm to child labor camps so IBM can make their sales. So in the end, she did fulfill the Americhina dream.

  20. Chichikovovich

    The Republican jerbs plan is obviously to make sure there is lots of work constructing their bizarro universe. Hitler is already a left-wing communist trade union supporter there. Now they're making Mao a John Bircher.

    1. prommie

      I'm waiting for someone to make that vile dish go away. Batter-dipped, deep-fried, and sugar-coated? Ordinarily, one would have to attend a state fair to find food of such a revolting caliber.

  21. CthuNHu

    First it's Mitt railing against how Obama "wants to go the European way."

    Now it's Bachmann breathlessly praising recent Chinese socio-economic history as an aspirational model for the United States of America.

    Honestly, fuck these anti-Western-Civilization gobs of santorum to hell. Why not just say, "Hey, that whole inalienable rights, life, liberty, and all that, dignity and worth of every individual thing? Yeah, that really isn't workin' out so good. What we need right now is a nice iron fist, and we're sure we can convince a lot of people right here in America that they'd be best off licking that fist's boot."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don't forget Perry, who's peddling Texas (first in teen pregnancies, first in executions, last in education, last in worker welfare) as a model for America's future.

      But Mitt really does take the prize, for not wanting the country to "go the Massachusetts way."

    2. GOPCrusher

      If this was a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the Dictator.
      -George Bush

    3. Gleem_McShineys

      Honestly, fuck these anti-Western-Civilization gobs of santorum to hell.


      Unfortunately we're all the little guy with the shopping bag staring down the Santorum Cannon of the Shit/Media Tank which rolled into Endless Wingnuttia Square.

  22. SaintRond

    If this place was more like China, then Michelle’s organs would have long ago been harvested and placed in people who would be putting them to far better use than she has up to now.

  23. fartknocker

    This is the same Michele that in 2005 stated that the Minimum Wage should be eliminated because it would allow employers to chose whatever salary they desired and as a result create more jobs.

    Stupid twit.

  24. Joshua Norton

    Why can’t America be as capitalist as China?

    Most wingnuts and capitalism-fetishists all seem confused on this point.

    1. GOPCrusher

      We are talking about a segment of the population that regard fascism and communism as the same thing.

  25. Dudleydidwrong

    Maybe she's hoping that in a Mitt/Ron/Rick/Chuckles-the-Clown Republican administration she'll be appointed to be our ambassador to China. At the very least that will get her away from here and give the rest of the diplomatic corps some laughs.

    1. OccupytheDashboard

      Well, this guy is down with executing malefactors in China. If China had a Hallmark Channel, the could give him his own show. So heartwarming.

  26. Redhead

    And those Chinese, they never give their daughters vaccinations that cause mental retardation or do anything that could harm their little daughters! Why, for hundreds of years, harming one's daughter in China has been highly frowned upon, unlike here, where the communist nanny state wants to hurt them!

  27. Allmighty_Manos

    China also tosses your ass in jail for protesting. Sounds like a win-win for supporters of a repressive plutocratic system of government.

    1. Chichikovovich

      But the Tienanmen square guy didn't actually get run over by the tank. So Michele sees an opening – we can out-tough them!

      1. GOPCrusher

        Those Chinese know how to deal with unruly youth protesting for better conditions, lets go with their example and send out the Army to deal with the OWS protesters!

  28. Goonemeritus

    A careful examination of why China is expanding in the manufacturing arena would show a just the opposite of the GOP narrative. Yes they have aspects of free market capitalism in their recent reforms but this isn’t what driving growth. The driver is that the government of China is involved up to their neck in supporting industry with every resource at their disposal. I.e. the real job creator in China is the Government. I don’t want to replicate this system here but using them to justify Laissez-faire capitalism is just a fucking lie.

  29. Tundra Grifter

    Meanwhile, we have Herman Cain blaming Mr. Obama for ending the space shuttle program.

    I've heard Off-the-Mark Levin allude to the same thing.

    It was, of course, Mr. Bush (43) who did that. Along with TARP and bailing out the auto companies, of course.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Watch out for hidden assumptions — all you really know is that it's close enough to the brain to cause damage.

  30. Steverino247

    The only questions that should be asked of Michele Bachmann are from the Mini-mental Status Examination.

    Oh, and those jobs in China? They're on their way to Vietnam. It won't be long before trained penguins in Antarctica are making your phony dog poo.

    1. chascates

      The 50-year-old typesetting company I worked for (13 years) was sold to an Indian company (who borrowed funds from the Carlyle Group) and quickly went from 80 people to 6. The now-crappy quality typesetting is done in India and the books (mainly textbooks) are printed in China. Indians are the cheapest group of 'English speakers' so they may hang on to that field. Once Somalia gets printing equipment the Chinese may lose theirs.

      1. donner_froh

        I worked for a division of a huge printing and typesetting company that sent a lot of its keyboarding/conversion work to an operation they set up in Barbados–English speakers, worked cheap, no time offset difficulties, not in the the hurricane zone.

        Then they sought out even cheaper labor in India and cut the Bejans loose.

  31. neiltheblaze

    I realize this drooling imbecile is polling at 4% now – but I remember a time when such a hallucinating delusional would have been laughed off the debate stage. And these fuckbrains applaud her.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      In a true democracy, drooling imbeciles are people too, my friend — and they're entitled to representation. How else would we the GOP know what they want?

  32. OccupytheDashboard

    "look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

    She'd kill them with a glance, so powerful she is.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

      Hard to blame the programs for that. If I were in a room with her and she looked at me, I'd be gone too.

  33. Chichikovovich

    Who knew, when Pat Buchanan was making his "Culture War" speech at the 1992 Republican Convention in Nuremburg that he really meant to say "Cultural Revolution".

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Dunno about that, but her brain is an object lesson in unsustainabilty. Needz moar oxygen!

      (Too late?)

  34. donner_froh

    A totalitarian state run for the benefit of an unelected elite, fueled by imposing 19th century conditions on workers who are caught in an endless grind of poverty, with social policy that includes forced abortion and state control of religion.

    What idiot wouldn't want that in the United States?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Replace "abortions" with "let them die of neglect after they're born", amd it sounds pretty damned familiar.

  35. HelmutNewton

    To paraphrase Evil from the movie Time Bandits – "Oh, Michele…Dear Michele, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence."

    1. savethispatient

      Infant mortality rate in US: 6.26 / 1,000 live births
      In China: 20.25

      Let those babies be pulled up by their own bootstraps if they want to succeed, stop nannying them!

  36. hagajim

    "The audience even applauded this line of reasoning, because it is perfect and brilliant they are as stupid as Michelle Bachmann. There, fixed.

  37. Come here a minute

    Cuba doesn't have Medicare, and they have the 33rd lowest infant mortality in the world, eight places better than the US. Michele would agree that we need to have their kind of freedom!

  38. El Pinche

    Why is psycho-twat still here while polling 3-4%? I'll tell you why , libtards. Because in her drug addled mind, its her versus the liberal media, and it's FUCKING WAR.

  39. x111e7thst

    Looks like her face is about to fall off the front of her skull. I do not wish to be present when that happens.

  40. prommie

    This is what comes of giving people an "A for effort" and other types of self-esteem based grading. Schools need to ruthlessly flunk out the fucking stupid, man, or else you wind up with millions of morons thinking they are smart, because they have various diplomas awarded by schools that wanted to be egalitarian and wanted to avoid hierarchical and value-laden "grading" schemes and instead rewarded kids for 'progress" and "effort." Fuck the stupid, they are stupid.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don't overlook the bogus "universities" instituted expressly to teach religion-warped versions of the actual-factual stuff taught at actual schools. Places like Liberty "University", where Dumbya Bush found hundreds of certified morons to staff his administration.

  41. joobajooba

    Michele Bachmann on China>Jiang Qing>Gang of Four>"(Love Like) Anthrax">I've got my shredded jeans on and I'm ready to party!

  42. meatlofer

    At first I laughed at her. Then I ignored her. Now.. I want to punch her in the gut and take my boots to her and stomp the ever living dumb ass piss out of her. Some Village in Minnefuckingsota is missing their idiot.STOP HER NOW! GO AWAY BITCH!- Thats all I got.

  43. Tommy1733

    The most significant thing about her statement is the applause from the audience. A willfully ignorant segment of the public keeps her and her ilk afloat, when by rational standards she should never have gotten anywhere in politics.

  44. chicken_thief

    "And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

    Just like Ronald Reagan would do. Oh, wait….. he didn't?!

  45. owhatever

    As with their new approach to foreign aid, when considering the IQ of a Republican presidential candidate, start with zero.

  46. OneYieldRegular

    If Michele Bachmann would bother to take a little trip to see what "retirement security" actually looks like in China, she'd be begging for a new New Deal.

  47. poorgradstudent

    Is this like that episode of "Seinfeld" where not having sex made Elaine progressively dumber? Sounds like Michele really needs to get married to a heterosexual!

  48. Tundra Grifter

    In China, the manager of an illegal coal mine faked his "escape" after an accident killed 4 workers.

    Why can't the US be more like China? We don't need no stinkin' Federal mine inspectors and mine safety regulation! We don't need the EPA!

    Jobs are not being created in America because we're choking businesses with too much regulation. If miners want to work in unsafe coal mines, why don't we let them?

    The invisible hand of the free market can't work if we slap the cuffs on it!

  49. poncho_pilot

    from red states to a red state. someone better invade us start a police action quick before Canada and Mexico fall like dominoes. or Godfather's pizza.

  50. comrad_darkness

    Lyndon "Bane of Michele's existence" Johnson.

    She can't even get her dead mortal enemy's name right.

  51. Douché

    The perfect China Capitalist's don't need oversight either. Just look at their awesome products like lead filled baby formula and family poisoning home building supplies!! Yeah China and their unregulated non government controlled free market society. Michelle, you are now douche for a day!!!

  52. rickmaci

    Chel needs to loosen the hair bun and let some blood flow to her brain. And no reporter bothered to ask her if she really meant to hold out China as the epitome of a free market never never land.

  53. sbj1964

    Bachmann, on an Intelligence committee is like having Mel Gibson on a Jewish relations board,or Sarah Silverman on a GOP recruiting poster.

  54. comrad_darkness

    They gave us the 1920s back. Now we are in the 1930s that follow a round of a deregulated credit bubble. It's only the beginning of the crash and these bastards are already plotting how to starve half of Americans, because I guess they miss that part of the Great Reenactment they've got going here.

  55. Gleem_McShineys

    There's pretty good evidence they'd like to take us back to when the mammals split off from the reptiles.

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