GREAT FOREIGN POLICY EXPERTS OF OUR TIME  10:34 am November 14, 2011

Michele Bachmann Is Completely Unaware That China Is Communist

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Blathering reject Michele Bachmann showed off her fancy foreign policy knowledge at Saturday’s dull GOP debate by noting that the real capitalists over there in China don’t give out food stamps according to her expert sources (Space Lizard Jeebus), which is why they are kicking America’s socialist economy in the ass. Why can’t America be as capitalist as China?

Gawd, this awful, hilarious woman who has never read a single complete sentence about China in her entire life or even overheard a conversation about China, via TPM:

If you look at China, they don’t have food stamps. If you look at China, they’re in a very different situation. They save for their own retirement security…They don’t have the modern welfare state and China’s growing. And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone.

Why bother refuting such air-tight logic? The audience even applauded this line of reasoning, because it is perfect and brilliant, like godless communist Michele Bachmann. [TPM]

 
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{ 315 comments }

tihond November 14, 2011 at 10:36 am

Bachmann then wondered why America couldn't replicate the free market success of North Korea.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 14, 2011 at 10:41 am

Don't let One L hear you say, "replicate."

Bad things happen.
~

kissawookiee November 14, 2011 at 11:21 am

To say nothing of the golfing success of Kim Jong Il, because then the Ryder Cup would be ours every year! U-S-A!!!

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:30 am

She'd also be amazed at the low tax utopia that is sub saharan africa.

HempDogbane November 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

You people just can't deal with an attractive conservative woman !

Preacher_Griz November 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

You can go ahead and make your elitist Fun Jibes at Axis of Evil North Korea but it is hard to deny their successes as a Self Sufficient country and as a model Anti-PC/Nanny State.

Their people know not to expect their govt to solve any of their problems.

Lascauxcaveman November 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm

And they have a ridiculously low obesity rate, too.

Nothingisamiss November 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm

AND they're not talking about cutting national defense! N. Korea rocks!!!!!!!

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I believe that rocks are on the N. Korean Food Pyramid.

mourningnmerica November 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm

She has Moo Goo Gai Pan between the ears.

Whitemellon November 16, 2011 at 12:11 pm

The people who clapped for her must be seriously deranged. I believe she would like a Chinese type government here in the states. She is by no means the only one.

chascates November 14, 2011 at 10:36 am

What is the color of the sky in her world?

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

Oxy Orange?

OkieDokieDog November 14, 2011 at 10:40 am

Blue. The same dreamy blue shade as white Jeebus' eyes.

weejee November 14, 2011 at 10:45 am

Her foldless brain (see below) produces inverse Rayleigh scattering producing a marked red-shift. Mayhaps we should call her Miss Scarlet.

Mahousu November 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

A hazy, choking, asthma-inducing gray.

GeorgiaBurning November 14, 2011 at 11:07 am

Nine.

Devilette November 14, 2011 at 11:19 am

Purple Haze

Barrelhse November 14, 2011 at 11:34 am

The wind in the willows played tea for two
The sky was yellow and the sun was blue

WhatTheHeck November 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

Marmalade sky
and tangerine trees await you
in the Utopia that's China.

poncho_pilot November 14, 2011 at 1:15 pm

whatever color the last person she spoke to told her it was?

Jerri November 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Melting.

Schmannnity November 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

Cain doesn't know PRC has nuclear bombs and she thinks that it is free market capitalism. Time for No Adult Left Behind.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

I think the current crop of GNoP Presidential candidates is No Adult Out in Front.

Or Back in the Pack.

Other than Mr. Huntsman, of course. Who does appear to be intelligent, knowledgable about the world and America's place in it, articulate, level-headed, and reasonable.

He doesn't stand a chance of being nominated.

Schmannnity November 14, 2011 at 11:06 am

Articulate, level-headed, and reasonable: the definition of RINO

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 11:32 am

Schmannity:

Reasonable
Intelligent
Not
Offensive

Biff November 14, 2011 at 11:40 am

Obvs in the wrong party. Or switched at birth, or something.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Actually, at the rate they are going, Huntsman will probably get the nomination by default, being the only candidate left that hasn't self-destructed.

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:32 am

Maybe they just need some re-education camps.

Not_So_Much November 14, 2011 at 11:59 am

It is a known fact within the GOP that facts are stupid.

Arken November 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

I don't think Michele Bachmann is even aware of where China is on a map.

johnnyzhivago November 14, 2011 at 10:39 am

Nice trick question! China's in the china cabinet, of course.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

*Gotcha*

gullywompr November 14, 2011 at 10:48 am

Bachmann is the US American that Miss Teen South Carolina was talking about.

kissawookiee November 14, 2011 at 11:21 am

Isn't it in Also, Such As?

MaxNeanderthal November 14, 2011 at 11:26 am

She doesn't need a map, she can see it from her house.

WhatTheHeck November 14, 2011 at 11:56 am

The only map she's seen is the map to movie stars homes.

Guppy November 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm

It's the menacing red blob north of the 49th parallel.

chicken_thief November 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Duh. It's the big red one. Red, for Republican and free market capitalism!!!

freddymcmurray November 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

that's another "chink" in her armor

Limeylizzie November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

Well played, sir or madam, you caused me to snort food out of my nose.

freddymcmurray November 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

that's papasan to you

Preacher_Griz November 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Ha!ha!ha!ha!

You better hope the chinamen PC police don't catch you for that one!

Ha!ha!ha!

Dok-cupy Everything November 14, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Look, the Chinaman is not the issue here.

Nothingisamiss November 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Ok….there is no topping that answer.

mourningnmerica November 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I don't agree with her particular slant on the subject.

Pragmatist2 November 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

And they don't have Happy Meals in China either because all their children are godless and therefore unhappy.

OneYieldRegular November 14, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Believe me, they have Happy Meals in China. They actually manufacture Happy Meals in China. And there are more than a few Chinese who make quite an impressive living supplying Happy Meal toys straight from the source to idiot American collectors.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 2:05 pm

People who collect happy meal toys deserve to be very very unhappy.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

"They save for their own retirement security…"

Uh… I don't think most of the people feel too… um… secure.
(So we must be catching up)

freakishlywrong November 14, 2011 at 10:45 am

Yes, they live in crushing poverty and "retirement" is not even translatable in Chinese. So. Yeah, Shels.

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

So with one simple change of the dictionary we can do away with retirement. Also, too.

V572625694 November 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

The great new is that China is privatizing all those dreary 12-floor apartment buildings without elevators, so when you get old you can keep in shape by humping up and down the stairs with your groceries. Noodles are pretty light anyway.

johnnyzhivago November 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

Bachmann is on to something….

Honestly, what America needs to do is start executing Republicans, harvest their organs and sell them on Ebay.

freakishlywrong November 14, 2011 at 10:46 am

Good idea, except their tiny, shriveled, mean little hearts wouldn't get ya much.

Dudleydidwrong November 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

Look for them on the menu at your nearest neighborhood Chinese carryout.

HedonismBot November 14, 2011 at 10:53 am

China has a thriving black market in harvested organs. The invisible hand in action! We could learn a thing or two from them.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

And that skeleton hanging in your doctor's office? Chinese.
Who am I kidding, we don't have doctors…

mourningnmerica November 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Executing them is too compassionate. Let's just go directly to harvesting their organs.

OkieDokieDog November 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

Yes, BUT she is wearing her flag pin.

nounverb911 November 14, 2011 at 11:11 am

Made in China?

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Purchased at Wal-Mart?

weejee November 14, 2011 at 10:39 am

Obvs, her overdoing the Botox™ has smoothed all the folds out of her brain.

Spurning Beer November 14, 2011 at 11:39 am

Her brain may lack convolutions, but her logic certainly doesn't.

V572625694 November 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Your new avatar is repugnant to persons of good will everywhere. Me likey!

Gleem_McShineys November 14, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Oh my good goddamn, my eyeballs are so terrified they flipped over in my head!

weejee November 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Thanks

/ turns head & blushes

YouBetcha November 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

I'd still hit that. She is hawt.

SexySmurf November 14, 2011 at 10:39 am

They save for their own retirement security

Those Chinese Socialists are really frugal.

freakishlywrong November 14, 2011 at 10:40 am

I wonder if Shels feels the same glowing support for the one-child law in China? I wonder if she knows the Government pays for all those abortions? I wonder if this crazy diamond knows what she had for breakfast this a.m..Fucking nutter.

Mumbletypeg November 14, 2011 at 11:17 am

this crazy diamond knows what she had for breakfast

Why, if she encountered three red lights in a row, that meant she could have "two diet cokes before lunch," I would bet.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 14, 2011 at 10:40 am

Space Lizard Jeebus isn't just her expert adviser…she's also One L's mom.
~

Monsieur_Grumpe November 14, 2011 at 10:41 am

I think her hair is too tight.

Dudleydidwrong November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

But it pulls her face back and tight so that with her slanty eyes she appears to be oriental. Maybe that's the way she identifies with all those Chinese followers of Ayn Rand.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

They could be Hispanic, they all look the same to Sharrrron Angle.

mereoblivion November 14, 2011 at 11:16 am

Among other organs.

MaxNeanderthal November 14, 2011 at 11:28 am

White trash facelift……

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 10:41 am

"And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

"'Cuz you know, all that growth, stability, security… you know decent jobs for everyone that needed one, good roads to drive on, healthier children, a chicken in every pot… just ridiculous!"

Barrelhse November 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

Apparently, she'd settle for a "So-so Society", or maybe even "A Fair-to-Middling Society"?
Anything but a Great Society here in the U-S-of-A, when a third-world society holds so much for us to aspire to- we can all be Mexican Cartels!
Dismal fucking cunt.

Dok-cupy Everything November 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

A Gilded Society would work.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Mister, we can use a man like Herbert Hoover again.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

Which explains the way she looks. (Bear with me, here.) She has never seen herself because she has no mirrors in her house because by her just looking at shit it disappears, which would maybe be a good thing for her to do…

SorosBot November 14, 2011 at 10:41 am

And most of China's products is made with virtual slave labor – which is exactly what Michele and the rest of the wingnuts want with their neo-feudalist authoritarian policies. It's kind of nice to get someone stupid enough to admit it instead of trying to pretend they don't want to fuck over every American who makes less than a hundred thousand a year.

weejee November 14, 2011 at 10:51 am

Closer to home, She1ey thinks Jennifer Granholm is nutz and to compete with the Messicans we need a minimum wage of 75¢/hr.

Nesnora November 14, 2011 at 10:59 am

I just read a book about factory girls in China… often they are forced to sleep in huge rooms full of people in sleeping bags and eat right at the factory and then THAT even comes out of their wages (also no healthcare whatsoever)… not to mention the beatings and rapes and isolation many of them endure.

I'm just waiting for the repubs to come up with this on their own and label it "Putting the Homeless in Homes and Back to Work" program with their perverted jesus stamp of approval…

SorosBot November 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

Return the debtor's prisons and workhouses!

GhostBuggy November 14, 2011 at 11:56 am

They'll probably throw in something about "clean skies" while they're at it, too.

Dok-cupy Everything November 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm

我欠我的灵魂,公司专卖店

Lascauxcaveman November 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm

你出生在一个早晨,当太阳没有照耀?

MaxNeanderthal November 14, 2011 at 11:32 am

Amazing how the right wingers answer to defeating regimes they don't like is to make their democracy exactly the same as those regimes… the batshittery just piles up and up, don't it…?

V572625694 November 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

There's one eensy-weensy problem with China's growing economy: all those kids making firecrackers at their desks in school instead of learning shit are doing it for the benefit of the Peoples' Army — the is to say, the government. What is that term we use for government ownership of the means of production? Oh yeah: socialism.

prommie November 14, 2011 at 10:42 am

She is sublime in the perfection of her ignorance.

mourningnmerica November 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm

The "Everest of Ignorance".

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:03 pm

You can only look upon her in awe.

Gleem_McShineys November 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

As in, "Awe shit, what the fuck happened to her brain?"

johnnymeatworth November 14, 2011 at 10:43 am

"That Wall of theirs isn't so great either, it could really use a fresh coat of Desert Sage…."

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 10:50 am

Another sign of how the Republican party has gotten more insane in the past 40 years. Nixon at least recognized that it was "a truly great wall".

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:37 am

And electrification.

V572625694 November 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Navajo White or GTFO. Latrine Green is always popular as well.

BarackMyWorld November 14, 2011 at 10:43 am
weejee November 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

Like parents so often implore their kids, ♪♫ All we are saying is give peas a chance ♫♪

Geminisunmars November 14, 2011 at 11:27 am

Imagine there's no pensions
It's easy if you try

Chillwaver November 14, 2011 at 10:43 am

Needs moar One-Child Policy.

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

Is it too late for a No-Child Policy?

Dudleydidwrong November 14, 2011 at 10:58 am

Yeah, like a leaky toilet or loose bowels.

johnnyzhivago November 14, 2011 at 10:43 am

This reminds me to order out for some Wang Chung Tonight.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 10:50 am

Everybody?

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 10:51 am

Everybody have fun tonight.

Barrelhse November 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

Just don't get the Chung wang.

EatsBabyDingos November 14, 2011 at 10:44 am

"And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

If your Gorgon stare can get rid "programs" with just a stare, please do us a favor and look in the mirror.

TanzbodenKoenig November 14, 2011 at 10:44 am

I would like to be the first to donate to Shelly's campaign for the Chinese presidency. Then her and Kim Jong-il could have some kind of deranged autocrat staring contest until they hopefully both go into a coma and out of everyone's misery

slithytoves November 14, 2011 at 10:44 am

And she's demanding she get asked more questions? That's like driving to the police station and asking for a sobriety check after a night on the town.

MozakiBlocks November 14, 2011 at 10:44 am

What the hell has she done to her face?

Terry November 14, 2011 at 10:53 am

She has a severe addiction to false eyelashes for a start.

johnnyzhivago November 14, 2011 at 10:46 am

Except for the fact that they manufacture almost every single thing that's sold on the planet, what's this crap about Chinese economic leadership anyway?

paris biltong November 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

They're not yellow, they're chicken.

swordfis November 14, 2011 at 10:46 am

Serious question: Are these people for real? Who is gaining from having these imbeciles running for president? Romney? Could he have secretly funded their campaigns? There have never been so many idiots running for president since … um… oops.

chascates November 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

Lyndon LaRouche would look mainstream in this crowd.

Schmannnity November 14, 2011 at 10:46 am

It is now clear that if the Republicans want a conservative alternative to Romney, they are going to have to offer a better package to Putin.

GorzoTheMighty November 14, 2011 at 10:47 am

She needs to be taken on the" Long March" off a short pier.

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

Now that would be a great leap forward.

paris biltong November 14, 2011 at 10:48 am

Why stop at LBJ's programs? Do the Chinese have an unfettered right to bear arms?

According to the NYTimes: "[In Washington States] Since 1995, more than 3,300 felons and people convicted of domestic violence misdemeanors have regained their gun rights in the state — 430 in 2010 alone — according to the analysis of data provided by the state police and the court system. Of that number, more than 400 — about 13 percent — have subsequently committed new crimes, the analysis found. More than 200 committed felonies, including murder, assault in the first and second degree, child rape and drive-by shooting." One of the places where it's easiest for felons to regain their gun permits is Minnesota.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 11:08 am

paris biltong:

Apparently it is easier for ex-felons to regain their right to keep and bear arms than it is for them to re-obtain their right to vote.

Fortunately for the rest of us, Michelle Obama has the right to bare arms – and she does a dang job of it!

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 11:09 am

Sadly… I have not been able to regain my gun rights from a non-violent felony committed in 1985… no trouble since, same job for 20 plus years, etc…

paris biltong November 14, 2011 at 11:13 am

I sympathize with you. I myself have not regained my right to carry drugs since an equally violence-free drug conviction at around the same time.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

All my felonies were as a juvenile, so no worries. Kept me out of the Air Force though, which left some pretty terrifying alternatives for me…

freakishlywrong November 14, 2011 at 10:49 am

I was so relieved on the Meet the GOP yesterday when the awful David Gregory asked her to clarify this stupidity. Oh, he didn't? He just let her blather her nonsense uninterrupted and un-challenged?
He saved the hardball and wingnut talking points for Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Terry November 14, 2011 at 10:50 am

On the plus side, the GOP now has their first candidate who is pro-Communism.

Beowoof November 14, 2011 at 10:50 am

Red China, that must mean they're republican.

El Pinche November 14, 2011 at 11:36 am

When Hu Jintao wears red , its like Lawrence Kudlow and his red tie.

DemmeFatale November 14, 2011 at 10:51 am

So,
Obama = Hitler,
LBJ = ? (what Michele)?
And the wingers keep clapping.

(Pads off for more coffee.)

paris biltong November 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

Mao = Reagan

anniegetyerfun November 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

In China, you generally can't check into a hospital without paying upfront for your services. Where I lived, this meant that a number of people who didn't have enough money for, say, coronary bypass surgery, died in the ER while doctors look on passively.

I'm amazed that not a single GOP candidate has suggested that we should follow that model of healthcare, because it's right up their alley.

SorosBot November 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

Well that was pretty much Rand Paul's "let 'em die" medical plan, which the debate crowd cheered.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 11:10 am

*HOORAY!!*

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I just assumed it was implied.

Gleem_McShineys November 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

It's going to take a few more brain-melting FOX News rays until they can come right out and say it, but, judging by the reaction that Michele gets, things are really looking good!

not that Dewey November 14, 2011 at 10:53 am

She claimed that Reagan "left Russia in the dustbin of History", which is why I suppose Russia is presently the only nation on Earth that can transport people or supplies to the International Space Station. Their unique position in the dustbin allows them to have a functioning space program.

Dok-cupy Everything November 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Or Soyuz say…

not that Dewey November 14, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Mir-ly my opinion.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Laika it or not . . .

not that Dewey November 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

That's what I Vostoking about.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Somebody should break that news to Monica Crowley.

Franknflower November 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

She can't even spell her own name.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

Um… spel

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:57 am

One "L," two "M's," and what was the third one? Um, c'mon help me out here…

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

3 IQ points?

GregComlish November 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

If you want to start a business in China the state must be granted 50% ownership. And if you do anything to piss off the authorities they will fire you from your own business and confiscate your business's property. Also they can execute or imprison you or your employees at a whim. This is the "business friendly" environment that Republicans applaud.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:18 pm

It's probably a good thing that most USAmerican business owners with holdings in China are absentees, then. Just like in Al Qaida, it sucks to be numma two.

JustPixelz November 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

Newt Gingrich (aka "The Smart One") also said if America wanted its economy to grow, we should be more like China with no capital gains tax. (Note to Newton: Only capitalists have capital.)

China has your basic 19th century post-feud sweatshop capitalism, relying on low-cost, low-skill rural labor. But there are government owned corporations. For example, electricity and oil (State Grid & China National Petroleum). Do Michele and Newt believe a few strategic industries in America should be nationalized … so we can be more like China?

GhostBuggy November 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm

As a side point, what is all this shit about Newt being so smart? Where the hell did this come from? I got into an argument with a coworker who I otherwise respect and is usually a thoughtful guy, and he was going on about how Newt's this smart guy (even though said coworker wouldn't likely ever vote for him) compared to everyone else the GOP has running.

He sits up on that stage like a sack of oranges, with that weird-ass smile that guy on SNL has down perfectly, and bitches about mean questions from Chris fucking Wallace. Smart?

Guppy November 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

He's smart relative to the company he keeps.

GhostBuggy November 14, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Well, that's true. They could stick a dachshund up there on a podium, though, and it would win that contest.

JustPixelz November 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

It's sad that the media doesn't report accurately on how Newt works.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Well, for one thing, China forces their prisoners to work, where as America coddles their prisoners allowing them too much free time to make things like Shivs and engage in homosexual rape.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

"The SWAG market!! That's where it's at… SWAG!

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Back in the late 80's I had a friend that manufactured the swag dentists and doctors give out to children who don't make a fuss when they get a shot or whatever. He moved his shit to China for profits, so I guess you're absolutely correct.

Ancient_Hacker November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

Hmm, she must have been asleep or having a huge migraine in class when they talked about how about 45 million Chinese died in 1960 by starvation. Perhaps a few food stamps would have been appropriate?

Too Soon?

Guppy November 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I think the problem was she was paying attention. They all starved thanks to their inability to grasp basic Objectivist philosophy.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Too many people, too little rice.
Notice how the free market cleared that right up.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Shoulda ate their bootstraps.

jodyleek November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

Shorter One-L: Let them eat rice cake!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

So the choice is between American society (as it was before Dumbya and his cronies wrecked it), and society as currently "enjoyed" by the citizens of the People's Republic of China.
I'm actually fine with the idea of having the GOP put it to the voters, in exactly those terms.

OccupyFnChicken November 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

The Jamie Lee Curtis look is NOT workin'.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

At least Jamie Lee has a monumental rack.

Limeylizzie November 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

They'd execute her for her blatant disregard of the one-child policy.

El Pinche November 14, 2011 at 11:38 am

Then sell her kid farm to child labor camps so IBM can make their sales. So in the end, she did fulfill the Americhina dream.

HarryButtle November 14, 2011 at 12:43 pm

First they came for Michele…and I held the door for them.

Limeylizzie November 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Then they came for Newt and I asked them what took them so long.

mourningnmerica November 14, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Then they came for Papa Tom, and I wept openly.

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

The Republican jerbs plan is obviously to make sure there is lots of work constructing their bizarro universe. Hitler is already a left-wing communist trade union supporter there. Now they're making Mao a John Bircher.

McRibzgood November 14, 2011 at 10:58 am

(forehead slap)

mourningnmerica November 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm

(struggles to make the decision to remove gun from own mouth)

ManchuCandidate November 14, 2011 at 10:59 am

I will not be surprised that during the next debate Michelle Bachmann will shriek out: "We will end the tyranny of General Tso!"

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:59 am

Tastes like chicken.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Best chicken evar!

OccupytheDashboard November 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I think she'd be too chicken to do that.

prommie November 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I'm waiting for someone to make that vile dish go away. Batter-dipped, deep-fried, and sugar-coated? Ordinarily, one would have to attend a state fair to find food of such a revolting caliber.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Funnel cakes or GTFO!

CthuNHu November 14, 2011 at 10:59 am

First it's Mitt railing against how Obama "wants to go the European way."

Now it's Bachmann breathlessly praising recent Chinese socio-economic history as an aspirational model for the United States of America.

Honestly, fuck these anti-Western-Civilization gobs of santorum to hell. Why not just say, "Hey, that whole inalienable rights, life, liberty, and all that, dignity and worth of every individual thing? Yeah, that really isn't workin' out so good. What we need right now is a nice iron fist, and we're sure we can convince a lot of people right here in America that they'd be best off licking that fist's boot."

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Don't forget Perry, who's peddling Texas (first in teen pregnancies, first in executions, last in education, last in worker welfare) as a model for America's future.

But Mitt really does take the prize, for not wanting the country to "go the Massachusetts way."

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

If this was a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the Dictator.
-George Bush

Gleem_McShineys November 14, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Honestly, fuck these anti-Western-Civilization gobs of santorum to hell.

THIS BEARS REPEATING.

Unfortunately we're all the little guy with the shopping bag staring down the Santorum Cannon of the Shit/Media Tank which rolled into Endless Wingnuttia Square.

freakishlywrong November 14, 2011 at 10:59 am

In any other country this woman would be a laughing stock, (including China).

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

So… kinda like here.

SaintRond November 14, 2011 at 11:00 am

If this place was more like China, then Michelle’s organs would have long ago been harvested and placed in people who would be putting them to far better use than she has up to now.

JustPixelz November 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

China has a progressive income tax, rising to 45% marginal rate. If we were more like China in that respect, they'd owe us money.

fartknocker November 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

This is the same Michele that in 2005 stated that the Minimum Wage should be eliminated because it would allow employers to chose whatever salary they desired and as a result create more jobs.

Stupid twit.

Joshua Norton November 14, 2011 at 11:02 am

Why can’t America be as capitalist as China?

Most wingnuts and capitalism-fetishists all seem confused on this point.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

We are talking about a segment of the population that regard fascism and communism as the same thing.

Dudleydidwrong November 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

Maybe she's hoping that in a Mitt/Ron/Rick/Chuckles-the-Clown Republican administration she'll be appointed to be our ambassador to China. At the very least that will get her away from here and give the rest of the diplomatic corps some laughs.

prommie November 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

She couldn't be worse than GHWB.

Zombie_Reagan November 14, 2011 at 11:05 am

This dolt actually gives politicians a bad name.

starfanglednut November 14, 2011 at 11:06 am

And to save healthcare costs, we should execute people and harvest their organs. Again, GOP reality is indistinguishable from parody.

OccupytheDashboard November 14, 2011 at 11:30 am

Well, this guy is down with executing malefactors in China. If China had a Hallmark Channel, the could give him his own show. So heartwarming.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

How convenient that living with a good MHC antigen match to a CCP honcho is a capital crime.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Wow. Better stats than even Texas.

Redhead November 14, 2011 at 11:08 am

And those Chinese, they never give their daughters vaccinations that cause mental retardation or do anything that could harm their little daughters! Why, for hundreds of years, harming one's daughter in China has been highly frowned upon, unlike here, where the communist nanny state wants to hurt them!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Daughters? Daughters? We don't need no steenking daughters!

Allmighty_Manos November 14, 2011 at 11:09 am

China also tosses your ass in jail for protesting. Sounds like a win-win for supporters of a repressive plutocratic system of government.

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 11:20 am

But the Tienanmen square guy didn't actually get run over by the tank. So Michele sees an opening – we can out-tough them!

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Those Chinese know how to deal with unruly youth protesting for better conditions, lets go with their example and send out the Army to deal with the OWS protesters!

Goonemeritus November 14, 2011 at 11:10 am

A careful examination of why China is expanding in the manufacturing arena would show a just the opposite of the GOP narrative. Yes they have aspects of free market capitalism in their recent reforms but this isn’t what driving growth. The driver is that the government of China is involved up to their neck in supporting industry with every resource at their disposal. I.e. the real job creator in China is the Government. I don’t want to replicate this system here but using them to justify Laissez-faire capitalism is just a fucking lie.

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 11:11 am

Meanwhile, we have Herman Cain blaming Mr. Obama for ending the space shuttle program.

I've heard Off-the-Mark Levin allude to the same thing.

It was, of course, Mr. Bush (43) who did that. Along with TARP and bailing out the auto companies, of course.

OccupytheDashboard November 14, 2011 at 11:27 am

Obama caused my dandruff.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Why hasn't President Obama solved the issue of male pattern baldness?

An_Outhouse November 14, 2011 at 11:11 am

If you look at China, they don’t have food stamps but they have a delicious buffet!

DahBoner November 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm

#WINNING

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm
GeorgiaBurning November 14, 2011 at 11:12 am

China can't be socialist, they make flag pins there

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Uh-oh … aren't flag pins U.S.-gov't-tagged "swag"?

crybabyboehner November 14, 2011 at 11:13 am

I think that randy husband of hers has literally fucked her brains out.

NorbertsRevenge November 14, 2011 at 11:16 am

Would that I had more upfistings to give this comment.

ttommyunger November 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

Doubt that seriously. Isn't he a Penn State Alum? I mean, spiritually?

prommie November 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Too soon?

ttommyunger November 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Not among the Wonketeeriat, I'm guessing. I mean, I didn't call him a retar….whoops! Close call.

LesBontemps November 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Sure, but we can assume he's fucking her in the ass, so literally fucking her brains out.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Watch out for hidden assumptions — all you really know is that it's close enough to the brain to cause damage.

prommie November 14, 2011 at 1:15 pm

With her head already up there, I am surprised a penis would fit.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I think I see what you did, there.

Steverino247 November 14, 2011 at 11:14 am

The only questions that should be asked of Michele Bachmann are from the Mini-mental Status Examination.

Oh, and those jobs in China? They're on their way to Vietnam. It won't be long before trained penguins in Antarctica are making your phony dog poo.

chascates November 14, 2011 at 11:59 am

The 50-year-old typesetting company I worked for (13 years) was sold to an Indian company (who borrowed funds from the Carlyle Group) and quickly went from 80 people to 6. The now-crappy quality typesetting is done in India and the books (mainly textbooks) are printed in China. Indians are the cheapest group of 'English speakers' so they may hang on to that field. Once Somalia gets printing equipment the Chinese may lose theirs.

Steverino247 November 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Good to know the true reason we're bombing Somalia. Have to stabilize it so we can keep moving to the bottom of the pay scale.

And now, here's a word from an expert on the subject: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smedley_Butler

donner_froh November 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I worked for a division of a huge printing and typesetting company that sent a lot of its keyboarding/conversion work to an operation they set up in Barbados–English speakers, worked cheap, no time offset difficulties, not in the the hurricane zone.

Then they sought out even cheaper labor in India and cut the Bejans loose.

neiltheblaze November 14, 2011 at 11:20 am

I realize this drooling imbecile is polling at 4% now – but I remember a time when such a hallucinating delusional would have been laughed off the debate stage. And these fuckbrains applaud her.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm

In a true democracy, drooling imbeciles are people too, my friend — and they're entitled to representation. How else would we the GOP know what they want?

neiltheblaze November 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm

From the look of Congress, the drooling imbecile contingent fully represented.

grandinquisitor November 14, 2011 at 11:20 am

I don't think this is the Great Leap Forward she is looking for.

Pop_Socket November 14, 2011 at 11:24 am

I had no idea Beijing was in Galt's Gulch.

OccupytheDashboard November 14, 2011 at 11:25 am

"look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

She'd kill them with a glance, so powerful she is.

chicken_thief November 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Right before, or after, she stares the price of gas back down to $2.00 a gallon?

OccupytheDashboard November 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Truly, she is the Medusa of economics.

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

Hard to blame the programs for that. If I were in a room with her and she looked at me, I'd be gone too.

Mothergooch November 14, 2011 at 11:25 am

This is performance art, right? Like some kind of modern day Andy Kaufman, right? RIGHT?!

poncho_pilot November 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

needs more wrasslin' as my grandfather might say.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Maybe we can get Jerry "The King" Lawler to pile drive her.

Mothergooch November 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

or at least bitch slap her on Letterman

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 11:28 am

Who knew, when Pat Buchanan was making his "Culture War" speech at the 1992 Republican Convention in Nuremburg that he really meant to say "Cultural Revolution".

Toomush_Infer November 14, 2011 at 11:29 am

Geez, settle down and listen! – — she is, after all, our leading expert on unsustainability….

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Dunno about that, but her brain is an object lesson in unsustainabilty. Needz moar oxygen!

(Too late?)

SethEag November 14, 2011 at 11:29 am

On notice: The internet now has officially 12 hours to produce a Chairman Bachmann portrait.

DahBoner November 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

And Warholize it!

alluson November 14, 2011 at 11:29 am

Breaking news: Bachmann appreciates China's support of Christianity and family values.

donner_froh November 14, 2011 at 11:30 am

She would love Foxconn Electronics in Shenzhen–the suicide attempts among workers assembling Ipads are down to only about 3 per day.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Progress!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:58 pm

That's the free market at work, bringing the labor force into balance with demand.

donner_froh November 14, 2011 at 11:38 am

A totalitarian state run for the benefit of an unelected elite, fueled by imposing 19th century conditions on workers who are caught in an endless grind of poverty, with social policy that includes forced abortion and state control of religion.

What idiot wouldn't want that in the United States?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Replace "abortions" with "let them die of neglect after they're born", amd it sounds pretty damned familiar.

prommie November 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Umm, isn't that what we have?

Chichikovovich November 14, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Instead of state control of religion, we have religious control of the state.

HelmutNewton November 14, 2011 at 11:38 am

To paraphrase Evil from the movie Time Bandits – "Oh, Michele…Dear Michele, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence."

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm

"Totally unencumbered by the thought process!"

-Click & Clack Tappet.

HolyCow!! November 14, 2011 at 11:40 am

You can basically pay a bribe and pollute as much as you want there….oh wait.

writechic November 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

The retirement age in China currently is 60 for men, 55 for female civil servants, and 50 for female workers.

She's an idiot.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm

If she's 55, I'm thinking maybe they've got something there…

savethispatient November 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Infant mortality rate in US: 6.26 / 1,000 live births
In China: 20.25

Let those babies be pulled up by their own bootstraps if they want to succeed, stop nannying them!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Damn right! Nannies are just for … uhh … never mind.

ttommyunger November 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

Kirsten, my dear; you had me at: "Michele Bachmann Is Completely Unaware…".

smitallica November 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

And it's Lyndon BAINES Johnson. You fucking idiot.

weejee November 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Not a quorum (club) call for Lyndon Baker Jenkins?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 1:05 pm

There you go again with those darned fact things. Typical libunatic.

hagajim November 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

"The audience even applauded this line of reasoning, because it is perfect and brilliant they are as stupid as Michelle Bachmann. There, fixed.

Come here a minute November 14, 2011 at 11:51 am

Cuba doesn't have Medicare, and they have the 33rd lowest infant mortality in the world, eight places better than the US. Michele would agree that we need to have their kind of freedom!

El Pinche November 14, 2011 at 11:52 am

Why is psycho-twat still here while polling 3-4%? I'll tell you why , libtards. Because in her drug addled mind, its her versus the liberal media, and it's FUCKING WAR.

Biff November 14, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? NO!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 1:06 pm

You go to war with the mind you've got…

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Knowledge is elitist!

L188188 November 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

I kind of like the idea of eating the bark off of trees 'cause there's no other food around…

DahBoner November 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm

You know what they say in China….

Tree bark soup tastes worse than it's bite.

//groan

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Mmmm… hot & sour "bark soup!"
I'm not entirely sure that it's made from trees.

DahBoner November 14, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Of course the ChiComs don't issue food stamps!

They issue toilet paper made entirely of U.S. T-bills….

x111e7thst November 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Looks like her face is about to fall off the front of her skull. I do not wish to be present when that happens.

DaRooster November 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

"Michele Bachmann Is Completely Unaware That China Is Communist"

SethEag November 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Chairman Bachmann Redbook Quotation #1: "Vaccine bad for party, Vaccine make 'tard".

BigDumbRedDog November 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I refuse to believe that Michele Bachmann is a real person.

Nostrildamus November 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

More like a dada installation.

Blueb4sunrise November 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm
RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I am so looking forward to the Gang of Four phase in our Cultural Revolution.

not that Dewey November 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

To Hell With Poverty!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 1:12 pm

More like these four, methinks.

prommie November 14, 2011 at 12:08 pm

This is what comes of giving people an "A for effort" and other types of self-esteem based grading. Schools need to ruthlessly flunk out the fucking stupid, man, or else you wind up with millions of morons thinking they are smart, because they have various diplomas awarded by schools that wanted to be egalitarian and wanted to avoid hierarchical and value-laden "grading" schemes and instead rewarded kids for 'progress" and "effort." Fuck the stupid, they are stupid.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 15, 2011 at 7:51 am

Don't overlook the bogus "universities" instituted expressly to teach religion-warped versions of the actual-factual stuff taught at actual schools. Places like Liberty "University", where Dumbya Bush found hundreds of certified morons to staff his administration.

LesBontemps November 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Jiang Qing has really let herself go.

joobajooba November 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

What's the Great Society compared with the Great Leap Forward?

joobajooba November 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Michele Bachmann on China>Jiang Qing>Gang of Four>"(Love Like) Anthrax">I've got my shredded jeans on and I'm ready to party!

meatlofer November 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

At first I laughed at her. Then I ignored her. Now.. I want to punch her in the gut and take my boots to her and stomp the ever living dumb ass piss out of her. Some Village in Minnefuckingsota is missing their idiot.STOP HER NOW! GO AWAY BITCH!- Thats all I got.

Tommy1733 November 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

The most significant thing about her statement is the applause from the audience. A willfully ignorant segment of the public keeps her and her ilk afloat, when by rational standards she should never have gotten anywhere in politics.

Guppy November 14, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Any country that executes that many people annually must be good!

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Rick Perry would have to give them a thumbs up on that one!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm

She's clearly running for office in the wrong country.

chicken_thief November 14, 2011 at 12:43 pm

"And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone."

Just like Ronald Reagan would do. Oh, wait….. he didn't?!

owhatever November 14, 2011 at 12:47 pm

As with their new approach to foreign aid, when considering the IQ of a Republican presidential candidate, start with zero.

OneYieldRegular November 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm

If Michele Bachmann would bother to take a little trip to see what "retirement security" actually looks like in China, she'd be begging for a new New Deal.

poorgradstudent November 14, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Is this like that episode of "Seinfeld" where not having sex made Elaine progressively dumber? Sounds like Michele really needs to get married to a heterosexual!

Biff November 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Where is Zhubaji when we need him?

Tundra Grifter November 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm

In China, the manager of an illegal coal mine faked his "escape" after an accident killed 4 workers.
http://news.yahoo.com/china-mine-manager-faked-bl

Why can't the US be more like China? We don't need no stinkin' Federal mine inspectors and mine safety regulation! We don't need the EPA!

Jobs are not being created in America because we're choking businesses with too much regulation. If miners want to work in unsafe coal mines, why don't we let them?

The invisible hand of the free market can't work if we slap the cuffs on it!

SheriffRoscoe November 14, 2011 at 1:17 pm

China regulates it's churches. So there's that.

poncho_pilot November 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

from red states to a red state. someone better invade us start a police action quick before Canada and Mexico fall like dominoes. or Godfather's pizza.

CommieLibunatic November 14, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I'm getting tired of pointing this out whenever anyone gets these harebrained ideas about capitalism vs communism vs socialism vs free market.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Lyndon "Bane of Michele's existence" Johnson.

She can't even get her dead mortal enemy's name right.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Michele is pro-forced abortion. Good to know.

GOPCrusher November 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Once someone gets hungry enough, they'll forage in dumpsters like our Fore Fathers!

Douché November 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

The perfect China Capitalist's don't need oversight either. Just look at their awesome products like lead filled baby formula and family poisoning home building supplies!! Yeah China and their unregulated non government controlled free market society. Michelle, you are now douche for a day!!!

dennis1943 November 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Now i can see why Perry wants to eliminate the Dept. of Education………………

rickmaci November 14, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Chel needs to loosen the hair bun and let some blood flow to her brain. And no reporter bothered to ask her if she really meant to hold out China as the epitome of a free market never never land.

Indiepalin November 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

So how does Ms. Bachmann propose keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of the Chinese?

sbj1964 November 17, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Bachmann, on an Intelligence committee is like having Mel Gibson on a Jewish relations board,or Sarah Silverman on a GOP recruiting poster.

Generation[redacted] November 14, 2011 at 10:53 am

They don't have a War on Christmas. And they're growing.

PubOption November 14, 2011 at 11:00 am

If they did have a war on Christmas, the global toy market would collapse.

HistoriCat November 14, 2011 at 11:24 am

1850s or GTFO.

comrad_darkness November 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

They gave us the 1920s back. Now we are in the 1930s that follow a round of a deregulated credit bubble. It's only the beginning of the crash and these bastards are already plotting how to starve half of Americans, because I guess they miss that part of the Great Reenactment they've got going here.

RadiosTyrone November 14, 2011 at 11:35 am

I'm thinking the dawn of bipedalism.

Gleem_McShineys November 14, 2011 at 2:07 pm

There's pretty good evidence they'd like to take us back to when the mammals split off from the reptiles.

Lascauxcaveman November 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm

And the national defense budget.

GhostBuggy November 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm

This is the greatest thread ever. It's Buran a long day and I need a laugh.

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