Secret Half-Muslin

Wingnut Anti-Tax Hero Grover Norquist Actually Muslim Extremist?

Hamas Mouse supports Grover Norquist!It was a long, long reign of terror. But slowly, and at long last, real conservatives are coming to understand the true identity of anti-tax Republican hero Grover H. Norquist: He’s a dangerous Muslim extremist! Important wingnut Internet Newspaper World Net Daily broke the news about the right-wing heartthrob, and now teabaggers nationwide are expected to quit supporting Norquist’s anti-tax policies and probably join the #Occupy Wall Streeters …. anything to avoid the creeping Shariah that is always creeping up the wingnuts’ legs and making them feel all tingly.

World Net Daily’s editor solemnly writes:

In the past, I have spent some time explaining that Norquist represents the gravitational center of an effort at Muslim Brotherhood infiltration of the conservative movement and politics in America more generally — especially Republican politics. […]

I say this not only because of his decidedly Shariah-friendly activities and associations.

I say it not only because of his decision to bless GOProud, a faux conservative group promoting the homosexual agenda to Republicans.

Indeed, there is nothing more Shariah-friendly than advancing the homosexual agenda.

As it turns out, Norquist is a filthy Muslim Brotherhood infiltrator because he supported raising the debt ceiling — or didn’t oppose it enough! — and because he “used his well-developed connections in Washington to spread the tentacles of stealthy jihad through the corridors of power.”

But what about those ominous “associations” with the Mooslims? Oh right, Norquist’s wife is Kuwaiti, and even though she’s a free-market propagandist one can never cleanse the taint of Shariah even with Adam Smith’s harshest soap. [WND via chascates]

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    1. mrbubb

      Aristotle said to Plato: "tragedy causes an excess of emotions, except in philosophers like you and me, and I'm not so sure about you." True story.

  1. hagajim

    I have nothing to say – except Grover Norquist cannot die soon enough, despite that fact that he's a MOOSLEM!

    1. flamingpdog

      Sarah Palin is a notorious supporter of the Moose Limb religion, but nobody on the right seems to mind.

      1. bumfug

        I remember the time I had Sharia on my taint – Sharia Mitchell, girl had a tongue like a rain-forest lizard. *sigh*

  2. memzilla

    Speaking of wingtards and publicity, Grover Norquist and Joe McCarthy have one thing in common: they couldn't have done more to destroy America if they had been in the paid employ of America's enemies.

    1. AmericanBeauty

      At least Joe was an actual elected official. Grover is not nor ever has been a legitimate elected official, but has more than the power of one.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Well, he does have the Sleazeball Stache to beat all sleazeball staches, fersure.

          Do NOT accept moustache rides from this man. He probably has three weeks' worth of snack crumbs stashed in that thang.

  3. Antispandex

    Let's just hold up here a minute! I am sure there is some way that this can be explained as a liberal plot…and Fox News will find it before the end of the news cycle.

  4. elviouslyqueer

    He's is unashamedly pro-perversion, given his position on the advisory board of GOProud.

    So says Joseph Farah, who looks as though he's given more mustache rides to underage boys than the athletic departments of Penn State and The Citadel combined.

    1. chascates

      ReVille has worked as assistant upper school principal at Coastal Christian Preparatory School.

      Yep, 'suffer the little children to come unto me.'

  5. SorosBot

    He's an evil far-right shitbag who wants the government to ground the poor into the pavement, take what little they have and parcel it out among the 1% – but he's not also a bigot and supports the rights of rich men of all religions, nationalities and sexualities, so he's not a true conservative.

    1. Veritas78

      Actually, Grover's only real job was the few months he worked for Gingrich after college. Otherwise he was arranging for the sale of arms to Jonas Savimbi (responsible for the slaughter of tens of thousands of innocent Angolans, including many children) and sucking Koch-teat. And I'm not sure what he did for Gingrich really counts as "work."

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Jonas Savimbi, you say? Reminds me: what was the origin of the trade in 1980s African dictators as late 90s Internet pseudonyms, e.g. Mr Destructo AKA Mobutu Sese Seko?

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    "Grover Norquist. That's a joke name, right? Like Sillius Soddus, or, uh, Biggus Dickus. Right?"

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I have a friend in Rome, you know, named Biggus Dickus.

      I also have a friend from NYC named Gover. He's all blue and furry.

      1. OccupyFnChicken

        Think about how this current batch of Republicans have made a mockery of Reagan's name. That's kinda funny.

    2. Negropolis

      I hearby propose that a "Grover Norquist" is a teabagging in whichthe bagee holds ice in his or her mouth whilst doing the deed. You know, shrink government so small you can, teabag it.

  7. OneYieldRegular

    For a party full of Bible thumpers, it's truly baffling how few of them seem to be familiar with concept of reaping what one sows.

    1. OccupyFnChicken

      No, every time they catch someone doing something that's off-message or marginally unethical, they all pull this big "No True Scotsman" circle jerk — and throw out the offending party.

  8. EatsBabyDingos

    There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
    Just like you swore to me that you'd be true
    There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
    Well, he's a liar and I'm not sure avbout you.

    I now have a smile in my heart!

      1. NewtsUndies

        I'm on honeymoon in Mexico and afraid to go in the water for fear of rich fucks in speedboats. Poor old Kirsty. Still makes me mad after all these years. Fucker got off too through corruption. Fucking 1%.

        1. Numbat_Dundee

          Every now and then I remember that she's dead and Shane MacGowan's still alive and I still can't believe it.
          Allah has a black sense of humour.

  9. memzilla

    Both Grover and Wing Nut Daily epitomize Mark Twain's quote: ‘‘All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.’’

  10. McRibzgood

    "Norquist represents the gravitational center of an effort at Muslim Brotherhood infiltration"

    Now THAT, my friends, IS bat shit insane!

    1. SorosBot

      Have you seen pictures of Grover Norquist? He is quite a large gravitational center, though not quite as much as, say, Chris Christie.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Logic cannot escape a black hole any more easily than light.
      (Even information seems to vanish, but that bothers only a select few.)

  11. OccupyFnChicken

    Wow. This reminds me of Ambrose Bierce, defining what "African" means in The Devil's Dictionary:

    AFRICAN, n. A n*gger that votes our way.

    Please tell me that conservatives will start eating their children now.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I especially like how the author put "gay" in scare quotes. Kinda like "idiotic motherfucker" or "batshit insanity."

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Or "serial child molester."

        I had a great uncle with a face like that. We don't invite him to Christmas anymore.

      2. Fare la Volpe

        Jesus tap-dancing fucknuggets, did you catch this gem?

        "Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality."

        I have no words for lunacy like that. I don't know if I'm more offended that he thinks soy causes gayness, or that he thinks gay men have smaller dicks.

        1. Numbat_Dundee

          What an evil bean though. Makes people gay AND simultaneously reduces the size of all the newly gay penises.

        2. elviouslyqueer

          Oh please. I've always said "The size of the package isn't important. What's important is how it's delivered."

        3. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Why do you think I only drink rain water or pure grain alcohol?

          Isn't it nice to know that WND is taking Dr. Strangelove is historical and scientific truth?

  12. JustPixelz

    Fuck! If WND hates Shariah Law, I'm gonna have to support it. Into your burquas, ladies. Beard measuring for men (and Marcus) will begin in three months. BaconIsGood: You'll have to change your name to BaconIsBad.

  13. CapnFatback

    Adam Smith’s harshest soap.

    Apparently, the invisible hand is the one body part Lever 2000 cannot cleanse.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I always had a hard time figuring out how to rank the relative values… watching this campaign has been very enlightening.

  14. JustPixelz

    Shariah Law is just a theory that's out there. It hasn't been proven. In the non-muslin world, we have the Ten Commandments, which are definitely not Law since most people manage to violate most of them most of the time. (Except for murder and steal, I consider the Big Ten kind of a bucket list.)

    1. OccupyFnChicken

      The whole principle of capitalism is based on covetousness. But tell that to a fucking Christian, and he suddenly bleeds from all orifices in denial.

      1. emmelemm

        If only! (They started bleeding from their orifices, and didn't stop, and then died.) It would be like garlic for vampires.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Since the Bible considers so much as looking at a woman with lust to be adultery, billions of teenage boys (and statistically several girls) break that commandment every minute.

        1. OccupyFnChicken

          …and three Semantics points to Fare! Maybe we should evolve and wear condoms in daily life, a la South Park and the purity rings.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            NO! If we give out condoms, that will only lead to lusty thoughts and fornication!!

            C'mon. Don't you feel at your lustiest when you have to stop mid-coitus to slide an awkward piece of latex onto your quickly softening schlong?

          2. OccupyFnChicken

            Hearkening back to the last time I needed one, I was so happy to be getting laid, it weren't a concern if you follow me logic.

      2. JustPixelz

        sigh I'll only adulter with Michelle Obama. (Michelle: He's not good enough for you!) I realize her husband has nuclear weapons, but I think she's worth it.

        1. OccupyFnChicken

          If you've ever read "The Boomer Bible", it does a snarky rundown of the ten commandments. My two favorites were "Thou shalt not covet — whatever that means," and "Thou shalt not commit adultery, even if thou art an adult."

  15. OccupyFnChicken

    Now just remember the best part:

    Grover got ALL them sons of bitches to sign his blood pledge.


  16. Goonemeritus

    So that’s why he begged off showing up at my last pig roast and I thought he didn’t like the Gogol Bordello music and the anarchist themed party games.

    1. OccupyFnChicken

      Nothing quite like like a convention center filled with conservatards eating roast shit sandwiches on the war mantra during the '04 (s)election. That was… painful.

  17. prommie

    To prove he is a loyal Amurrican, Grover Norquist must waterboard his Kuwaiti wife in his bathtub. And then really drown her.

  18. McRibzgood

    You think that's nutz read the comments.

    "Thank you, Mr. Farah for exposing Grover Norquist."

    "Infiltration and The Muslim Mafia, books by Sperry and Gaubatz, tell the dangerous tale of Norquist and his like-minded stealth jihadists."

    "Americans have freedom of speech. Also, as you KNOW, the illegal alien is just that–put into positions of authority without proof that he is a true American. Being born in Kenya makes him an illegal alien, as I've called him, and his father was a Kenya citizen, which also makes him an illegal alien." and the response: "I sure agree with you James. Why do the people that are supposed to be exposing this, the supposed Constitionaly Conservative Tea Parrtier, seem to shy away from this? It makes one wonder! Thank The Lord for Sherriff Joe!"

    It goes on and on. I have no idea what these people are talking about. It's like they just bash words together.

  19. SheriffRoscoe

    The liberal sharia people are infulltrading our deepest corridors. And my corridor is tired of it!!!1!

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    How will I know which insane Conservative to believe unless Glenn Beck lets me know which one is funded by George Soros or some other antisemitic Jew.

  21. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    WND has a right to be alarmed by this. If the Muslims and teh Gayez get together, who could possibly stop them? They would be ruthless, and fabulous, all at once.

  22. Joshua Norton

    World Net Daily’s editor solemnly writes:

    Oh, c'mon! "Editor" at Wingnut Daily is about as much of a real job as Choreographer for Forest Lawn Cemetery.

    1. SorosBot

      Lesser? LESSER? You punk, he was second only to Big Bird on Sesame Street until that rotten little fuckstain puke Elmo came along and started taking over the show!

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Not to lessen your point, as Grover was definitely not a lesser Muppet, but I would place Big Bird, Kermit, Oscar, Ernie and Bert ahead of him (they all usually had their own bits, while Grover was often in bits with the others). Still, I always loved the ones with Grover and Mitt Romney Guy Smiley. Now that is old school Sesame Street!

    2. Gleem_McShineys

      You're thinking of Gonzo, who, of course, must have been the inspiration for the phrase "keep fuckin' that chicken"

    3. El Pinche

      I respectfully disagree. Grover was around before the world of puppetry got all corporate and shitty.

  23. Rotundo_

    WND is joining in the circular firing squad, trying to take out Grover, all the candidates are imploding except Mittens and they're getting desperate enough to consider Newt! for a candidate, having run out of alternatives that weren't crazy, creepy, Mormon or associated with a frothy mix of well…
    They're punting now, aren't they? We must be headed for some real nasty shit if they are imploding like this. Europe must be defaulting, the Iranians must have the bomb and China must plan on annexing Taiwan and the Koreas or something similar. Or is it just that there won't be an NBA season this year?

      1. Negropolis

        I wouldn't not put it above them to make the case that Jesus was a secret Muslim, or that he never converted to Christianity. lol

        1. horsedreamer_1

          According to the ONION, in the late 90s, Jesus the Nazarene became Isa ibn al Mariam, accepting Allah as the One True God and Muhammad as his prophet.

  24. owhatever

    Darling, since you're going to be out tonight plotting the Sharia Law takeover of the United States with your Islamic-outreach friends, can I wear your pink burka? I'm tired of the blue one.

  25. Baconzgood

    Hmmmm. WDN. Don't shit where you eat.

    Goodie. I knew this would happen. The tea party snake is eating it's own head.

  26. SayItWithWookies

    I'm so bummed — I've wanted to have an insane French-Revolution-style societal upheaval for ages, and these motherfuckers who hate everything about said Revolution are going full-throttle Robespierre on each other. Oh well — if you can't beat 'em…

    Les enfants de la Sharie
    Nos jours de gloire est arrivé

  27. flamingpdog

    And how is it that this Joseph Farrahkhan Farah fellow knows so much about Muslins and Sharia Law?

  28. CommieLibunatic

    So the anti-tax champion who supports smaller government also supports extreme Islamic theocracy and homosexuality?

    …are you guys at WND even listening to the words that come out of your mouth? Or just headbutting the keyboard and letting the auto-correct figure things out from there?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      They bang away until the animateed paper clip dude pops up, and says "I see you're trying to write an insane right-wing screed — can I help?"
      They just let him take it from there.

      EDIT: Did I just invent the most insidious malware ever?

      1. CommieLibunatic

        I just KNEW that little paper-binding fucker was up to no good! He was always so… helpful and meddling!

  29. poorgradstudent

    Once I described WND to a friend as the National Review on steroids. Now I have to describe it as the National Review on steroids *and* PCP.

  30. RadiosTyrone

    Grover Norquist is so 1980's. He's a pussy. We should be cutting taxes on the job creators, not just refusing to raise them 3% marginally. Now Paul Ryan, there's a true patriot.

    1. Negropolis

      How did Mitt or Newt or Herman? No one knows, but it's never a missed communication between the zombie base and its masters.

  31. Madam Killjoy

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Cracker Taliban Wingnuts hate what they think is "Sharia Law" because they can't get away with it here. Yet.

  32. Negropolis

    They really cover their bases consistently, don't they? They didn't just get "creeping Sharia" in there, but found a way to fit in the "homosexual agenda."

  33. PhilippePetain

    I "came up with" Low-IQ Angerbear Uprising in a conversation I had over the weekend, with props to our Wonketeer argot.

    I think that one may be better as an Italian Disco themed concept album though.

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