It was a long, long reign of terror. But slowly, and at long last, real conservatives are coming to understand the true identity of anti-tax Republican hero Grover H. Norquist: He’s a dangerous Muslim extremist! Important wingnut Internet Newspaper World Net Daily broke the news about the right-wing heartthrob, and now teabaggers nationwide are expected to quit supporting Norquist’s anti-tax policies and probably join the #Occupy Wall Streeters …. anything to avoid the creeping Shariah that is always creeping up the wingnuts’ legs and making them feel all tingly.
World Net Daily’s editor solemnly writes:
In the past, I have spent some time explaining that Norquist represents the gravitational center of an effort at Muslim Brotherhood infiltration of the conservative movement and politics in America more generally — especially Republican politics. [...]
I say this not only because of his decidedly Shariah-friendly activities and associations.
I say it not only because of his decision to bless GOProud, a faux conservative group promoting the homosexual agenda to Republicans.
Indeed, there is nothing more Shariah-friendly than advancing the homosexual agenda.
As it turns out, Norquist is a filthy Muslim Brotherhood infiltrator because he supported raising the debt ceiling — or didn’t oppose it enough! — and because he “used his well-developed connections in Washington to spread the tentacles of stealthy jihad through the corridors of power.”
But what about those ominous “associations” with the Mooslims? Oh right, Norquist’s wife is Kuwaiti, and even though she’s a free-market propagandist one can never cleanse the taint of Shariah even with Adam Smith’s harshest soap. [WND via chascates]
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The only decent people in the world are you and me and I'm starting to wonder about you.
I was just thinking the same thing.
Wonder no more. I am far from decent.
Aristotle said to Plato: "tragedy causes an excess of emotions, except in philosophers like you and me, and I'm not so sure about you." True story.
I have nothing to say – except Grover Norquist cannot die soon enough, despite that fact that he's a MOOSLEM!
Sarah Palin is a notorious supporter of the Moose Limb religion, but nobody on the right seems to mind.
So, it's true what they say, & Glen Rice is well-hung?
Why do you hate 76 virgins?
Needs more Sharia law?
Oh good, does this mean we can finally start taxing shale gas extraction in Pennsylvania?
I sure hope so. We need buses in this city.
I'll tell you, I once had Shariah on my taint – and it taint good.
"one can never cleanse the taint". We go with the taint we have, not the taint we wish we had.
The trick is to wipe the Shariah front to back, not back to front.
I had a great time with Sharia — but she was much younger back then.
I remember the time I had Sharia on my taint – Sharia Mitchell, girl had a tongue like a rain-forest lizard. *sigh*
Give her a bit more practice and tell her not to bite. I assure you, this was all a misunderstandinng.
Speaking of wingtards and publicity, Grover Norquist and Joe McCarthy have one thing in common: they couldn't have done more to destroy America if they had been in the paid employ of America's enemies.
You have PROOF that they WEREN'T?
Except ol' Joe had the decency (ahem) to be right out in front doing it. Grover lurks in back.
Same M.O. as Marcus.
At least Joe was an actual elected official. Grover is not nor ever has been a legitimate elected official, but has more than the power of one.
"tentacles of stealthy jihad…." Oh wait, this is from a hentai site, it's ok….
Does this mean we should be grateful it's not a bukkake site?
I have a feeling bukkake is tame compared to the sick shit Joey Farah whacks it to.
Well, he does have the Sleazeball Stache to beat all sleazeball staches, fersure.
Do NOT accept moustache rides from this man. He probably has three weeks' worth of snack crumbs stashed in that thang.
Grover Norquist anagram–Governor Squirt
Anagrams of World Net Daily include Lowly Ranted Id, Told Wry Denial, and Ladled Winy Rot.
I like Ladled Winy Rot. It sounds like something these pigs should be feeding upon. At an unclean trough.
Eliot Spitzer?
Squire Grontov
See Johnny English Reborn. In theaters now.
Please, I don't ever want to read the words "cleanse the taint" in a post about Grover again.
WTF? Someone at WND is mixing LSD with their Medicare part II Viagra.
Looks like Grover got drowned in the bathtub…
Let's just hold up here a minute! I am sure there is some way that this can be explained as a liberal plot…and Fox News will find it before the end of the news cycle.
He's is unashamedly pro-perversion, given his position on the advisory board of GOProud.
So says Joseph Farah, who looks as though he's given more mustache rides to underage boys than the athletic departments of Penn State and The Citadel combined.
ReVille has worked as assistant upper school principal at Coastal Christian Preparatory School.
Yep, 'suffer the little children to come unto me.'
When the only defense against shariah tentacles is unwavering stupidity, what do you do?
Ride the tentacles all the way to the bitter end, what else?
♫♪♫"Come a little closer love, be a dove, close enough to give me some taint Shariah"♫♪♫
I did a book report about Grover Cleveland.
Wasn't he the coach at Ohio State that slapped an opposing teams player during a bowl game?
No, that was Woody Harrelson.
You mean the cowboy from Toy Story?
Heh heh, you said, "woody."
I did a report on Grover de la Rue Sesame, and I've always wanted to visit Cleveland.
He's an evil far-right shitbag who wants the government to ground the poor into the pavement, take what little they have and parcel it out among the 1% – but he's not also a bigot and supports the rights of rich men of all religions, nationalities and sexualities, so he's not a true conservative.
I propose a series of Lincoln/Booth debates between Norquist and Gingrich.
Reminds me of the McKinley/Czolgosz Debate of 1901
I was thinking the Kang/Kodos debates of '96.
And no president has debated an anarchist since.
Only if they do it in mud wearing budgie smugglers.
Okay…I'll ask <he said with some trepidation>….
What in the hell are "budgie smugglers"?
They are a common Australian term for speedos (ie overly scanty male swimwear).
I don't know why, but "budgie smugglers" makes me giggle helplessly like a child.
And so they should. See above.
Could it be that your budgie smugglers are too tight?
Actually, Grover's only real job was the few months he worked for Gingrich after college. Otherwise he was arranging for the sale of arms to Jonas Savimbi (responsible for the slaughter of tens of thousands of innocent Angolans, including many children) and sucking Koch-teat. And I'm not sure what he did for Gingrich really counts as "work."
Jonas Savimbi, you say? Reminds me: what was the origin of the trade in 1980s African dictators as late 90s Internet pseudonyms, e.g. Mr Destructo AKA Mobutu Sese Seko?
"Grover Norquist. That's a joke name, right? Like Sillius Soddus, or, uh, Biggus Dickus. Right?"
Has to be a euphemism for something, maybe the "Hot Grover" or "Steaming Norquist."
I have to consult the urban dictionary on that.
I have a friend in Rome, you know, named Biggus Dickus.
I also have a friend from NYC named Gover. He's all blue and furry.
"What the hell's wrong with the name Grover Norquist," asks Reince Preibus.
I didn't think anyone could beat it for a joke name, then I heard of Reince Preibus…
Think about how this current batch of Republicans have made a mockery of Reagan's name. That's kinda funny.
"He has a wife, you know…."
Kind of like how Newton Gingrich and his name are a joke, right?
I hearby propose that a "Grover Norquist" is a teabagging in whichthe bagee holds ice in his or her mouth whilst doing the deed. You know, shrink government so small you can, teabag it.
I think Dr. Bronner's All-One soap will take that right out.
For a party full of Bible thumpers, it's truly baffling how few of them seem to be familiar with concept of reaping what one sows.
No, every time they catch someone doing something that's off-message or marginally unethical, they all pull this big "No True Scotsman" circle jerk — and throw out the offending party.
There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
Just like you swore to me that you'd be true
There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
Well, he's a liar and I'm not sure avbout you.
I now have a smile in my heart!
RIP Kirsty.
I'm on honeymoon in Mexico and afraid to go in the water for fear of rich fucks in speedboats. Poor old Kirsty. Still makes me mad after all these years. Fucker got off too through corruption. Fucking 1%.
Every now and then I remember that she's dead and Shane MacGowan's still alive and I still can't believe it.
Allah has a black sense of humour.
Sharia Queers Want You!
Best band name ever?
I "came up with" Low-IQ Angerbear Uprising in a conversation I had over the weekend, with props to our Wonketeer argot.
I think that one may be better as an Italian Disco themed concept album though.
Or maybe an Off-Off Broadway play? Theatre of the Absurd?
Don't let the swag industry die before I'm able to buy that on a t-shirt.
Sharia Queers don't follow House rules.
Both Grover and Wing Nut Daily epitomize Mark Twain's quote: ‘‘All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.’’
Is Grover smart enough to conceive a long- range, successful plan to paralyze and cauterize government? What progressive is smarter?
"Norquist represents the gravitational center of an effort at Muslim Brotherhood infiltration"
Now THAT, my friends, IS bat shit insane!
Have you seen pictures of Grover Norquist? He is quite a large gravitational center, though not quite as much as, say, Chris Christie.
Logic cannot escape a black hole any more easily than light.
(Even information seems to vanish, but that bothers only a select few.)
What?! I can't hear you over all the flapping and flying guano!!
Wow. This reminds me of Ambrose Bierce, defining what "African" means in The Devil's Dictionary:
AFRICAN, n. A n*gger that votes our way.
Please tell me that conservatives will start eating their children now.
Start?
What — are you counting Sandusky?
OK. "Conservatives will start eating their children now." Happy?
WND also discovered where all the gayness is coming from: soy beans
http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53...
I especially like how the author put "gay" in scare quotes. Kinda like "idiotic motherfucker" or "batshit insanity."
Or "serial child molester."
I had a great uncle with a face like that. We don't invite him to Christmas anymore.
Jesus tap-dancing fucknuggets, did you catch this gem?
"Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality."
I have no words for lunacy like that. I don't know if I'm more offended that he thinks soy causes gayness, or that he thinks gay men have smaller dicks.
What an evil bean though. Makes people gay AND simultaneously reduces the size of all the newly gay penises.
Oh please. I've always said "The size of the package isn't important. What's important is how it's delivered."
COD? Plain brown wrapper? Postage Due?
Why do you think I only drink rain water or pure grain alcohol?
Isn't it nice to know that WND is taking Dr. Strangelove is historical and scientific truth?
Can't gay Muslins want lower corporate income taxes, too???
"Hold on, lemme ask this fella Ah'm holdin' hands with." — W. Bush
"It's a sign of respect when I kiss him on the cheek."
"And it's a sign of love when I kiss him on the mouth."
You know who else was involved in "Shariah-friendly activities"?
Lauren Booth?
Shariah Carey
"Did you just answer yourself?" he offered rhetorically.
Yes, but I have the feeling I'm not the only one around here who talks to him/herself…
I'm the only one I can count on to agree with myself. Well, most of the time.
Shariah Twain?
Frankie Valli?
Princess Di?
But not Princess Nancy?
Trivial Pursuit, Shariah Edition?
Ken Layne's Beard.
The Knack, who had that big hit "My Shariah"?
Kosher butchers?
This is….
It's just…..
I can't….
When…
Wha…?
Fuck! If WND hates Shariah Law, I'm gonna have to support it. Into your burquas, ladies. Beard measuring for men (and Marcus) will begin in three months. BaconIsGood: You'll have to change your name to BaconIsBad.
If my estimating skills are worth anything, Marcus' beard is about 5' 3".
I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE
(through laughter-filled, tear-streaked eyes)
Yep! Gloria Cain is Marcus' wife! Wait . . . wha? [looks around confused]
Apparently, the invisible hand is the one body part Lever 2000 cannot cleanse.
They should try Lava soap on their taints.
Sounds like WND is one step closer to infiltrating Al Grover.
…and not the way GOProud intended.
Whoops–did I say infiltrating? I meant penetrating.
We can't take a chance, or be complacent and simply hope Super Grover doesn't fly into buildings.
Awesome hede on C&L:
Confirmed Serial Adulterer Passes Alleged Serial Harasser in GOP Race
Family values.
I always had a hard time figuring out how to rank the relative values… watching this campaign has been very enlightening.
If you throw in the Lizard People, you can have a trifecta of crazy.
Shariah Law is just a theory that's out there. It hasn't been proven. In the non-muslin world, we have the Ten Commandments, which are definitely not Law since most people manage to violate most of them most of the time. (Except for murder and steal, I consider the Big Ten kind of a bucket list.)
The whole principle of capitalism is based on covetousness. But tell that to a fucking Christian, and he suddenly bleeds from all orifices in denial.
If only! (They started bleeding from their orifices, and didn't stop, and then died.) It would be like garlic for vampires.
Also, how goes the adultery part? Any luck so far?
Since the Bible considers so much as looking at a woman with lust to be adultery, billions of teenage boys (and statistically several girls) break that commandment every minute.
…and three Semantics points to Fare! Maybe we should evolve and wear condoms in daily life, a la South Park and the purity rings.
NO! If we give out condoms, that will only lead to lusty thoughts and fornication!!
C'mon. Don't you feel at your lustiest when you have to stop mid-coitus to slide an awkward piece of latex onto your quickly softening schlong?
sigh I'll only adulter with Michelle Obama. (Michelle: He's not good enough for you!) I realize her husband has nuclear weapons, but I think she's worth it.
If you've ever read "The Boomer Bible", it does a snarky rundown of the ten commandments. My two favorites were "Thou shalt not covet — whatever that means," and "Thou shalt not commit adultery, even if thou art an adult."
How about your neighbor's ass? Or is that a prelude to the actual adultery?
This guy needz a major league tinfoil hat. He's clearly channeling the same voices that screech all day at She1y.
Now just remember the best part:
Grover got ALL them sons of bitches to sign his blood pledge.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ain't that a bitch?! HAHAHAHAHAHA …ooooh my side.
So that’s why he begged off showing up at my last pig roast and I thought he didn’t like the Gogol Bordello music and the anarchist themed party games.
GROVER IS A MUSLIN AND THE MUPPETS HAVE RUN OUT OF FOOD! IT'S TIME TO TEABAG/OCCUPY SESAME STREET!!!
I love it LOVE IT when the rethugs feed upon themselves!!11!
Nothing quite like like a convention center filled with conservatards eating roast shit sandwiches on the war mantra during the '04 (s)election. That was… painful.
To prove he is a loyal Amurrican, Grover Norquist must waterboard his Kuwaiti wife in his bathtub. And then really drown her.
You think that's nutz read the comments.
"Thank you, Mr. Farah for exposing Grover Norquist."
"Infiltration and The Muslim Mafia, books by Sperry and Gaubatz, tell the dangerous tale of Norquist and his like-minded stealth jihadists."
"Americans have freedom of speech. Also, as you KNOW, the illegal alien is just that–put into positions of authority without proof that he is a true American. Being born in Kenya makes him an illegal alien, as I've called him, and his father was a Kenya citizen, which also makes him an illegal alien." and the response: "I sure agree with you James. Why do the people that are supposed to be exposing this, the supposed Constitionaly Conservative Tea Parrtier, seem to shy away from this? It makes one wonder! Thank The Lord for Sherriff Joe!"
It goes on and on. I have no idea what these people are talking about. It's like they just bash words together.
It's like word salad with extra spicy dressing.
Cleanse the Taint was Spinal Tap's follow-up album to Smell the Glove.
Goes to 11!
The liberal sharia people are infulltrading our deepest corridors. And my corridor is tired of it!!!1!
How will I know which insane Conservative to believe unless Glenn Beck lets me know which one is funded by George Soros or some other antisemitic Jew.
WND has a right to be alarmed by this. If the Muslims and teh Gayez get together, who could possibly stop them? They would be ruthless, and fabulous, all at once.
Act Up with scimitars and gauze pantaloons??
World Net Daily’s editor solemnly writes:
Oh, c'mon! "Editor" at Wingnut Daily is about as much of a real job as Choreographer for Forest Lawn Cemetery.
World Net Daily’s editor solemnly writes:
Wasn't Grover one of the lesser Muppets?
Lesser? LESSER? You punk, he was second only to Big Bird on Sesame Street until that rotten little fuckstain puke Elmo came along and started taking over the show!
I can't thumbs up moar. Grover got in more pussy than the douche industry.
Had a nose for the ladiez, he did.
Dude could FLY!
Not to lessen your point, as Grover was definitely not a lesser Muppet, but I would place Big Bird, Kermit, Oscar, Ernie and Bert ahead of him (they all usually had their own bits, while Grover was often in bits with the others). Still, I always loved the ones with Grover and
Mitt RomneyGuy Smiley. Now that is old school Sesame Street!You're thinking of Gonzo, who, of course, must have been the inspiration for the phrase "keep fuckin' that chicken"
GROVER LIBEL!!!1!
I respectfully disagree. Grover was around before the world of puppetry got all corporate and shitty.
I lurved Grover.
WND is joining in the circular firing squad, trying to take out Grover, all the candidates are imploding except Mittens and they're getting desperate enough to consider Newt! for a candidate, having run out of alternatives that weren't crazy, creepy, Mormon or associated with a frothy mix of well…
They're punting now, aren't they? We must be headed for some real nasty shit if they are imploding like this. Europe must be defaulting, the Iranians must have the bomb and China must plan on annexing Taiwan and the Koreas or something similar. Or is it just that there won't be an NBA season this year?
You know who else is a secret Muslim according to WND?
(shhhhhhhhh)
The editors of WND?
All of 'em, Katie.
Jesus?
I wouldn't not put it above them to make the case that Jesus was a secret Muslim, or that he never converted to Christianity. lol
According to the ONION, in the late 90s, Jesus the Nazarene became Isa ibn al Mariam, accepting Allah as the One True God and Muhammad as his prophet.
Darling, since you're going to be out tonight plotting the Sharia Law takeover of the United States with your Islamic-outreach friends, can I wear your pink burka? I'm tired of the blue one.
Hmmmm. WDN. Don't shit where you eat.
Goodie. I knew this would happen. The tea party snake is eating it's own head.
Ouroboro, baby…
"snake is eating it's own head"
That sounds great, even if the visual makes my head hurt.
Those Muslims are so sneaky. Their tentacles of stealthy jihad are so stealthy that no one has ever seen them.
I'm so bummed — I've wanted to have an insane French-Revolution-style societal upheaval for ages, and these motherfuckers who hate everything about said Revolution are going full-throttle Robespierre on each other. Oh well — if you can't beat 'em…
Les enfants de la Sharie
Nos jours de gloire est arrivé
Unfortunately, this particular Muslim is way too fat to drown in a bathtub…
Is there a drinking contest for watching the implosion of the GOP?
And how is it that this Joseph
FarrahkhanFarah fellow knows so much about Muslins and Sharia Law?Fuuuuucccccckkkkkkk.
Awww, it's so cute when the ethnic cleansing spreads to their own ranks.
You know who else…aw, forget it.
So when do we waterboard Grover Norquist? And will it be on pay per view?
So the anti-tax champion who supports smaller government also supports extreme Islamic theocracy and homosexuality?
…are you guys at WND even listening to the words that come out of your mouth? Or just headbutting the keyboard and letting the auto-correct figure things out from there?
There are some things that not even auto-correct will do.
They bang away until the animateed paper clip dude pops up, and says "I see you're trying to write an insane right-wing screed — can I help?"
They just let him take it from there.
EDIT: Did I just invent the most insidious malware ever?
Did I just invent the most insidious malware ever?
Wow … just … wow. Yes you did, your Evilness.
[Bows deeply, with sweep of fuligin cape.]
I just KNEW that little paper-binding fucker was up to no good! He was always so… helpful and meddling!
Et tu Clippy!?!??
Once I described WND to a friend as the National Review on steroids. Now I have to describe it as the National Review on steroids *and* PCP.
So, basically, NRO?
Yes! But without the homely charm of your local schizophrenic homeless person.
The oughta try tomato juice to cleanse that stench… it works when a skunk pisses on my dog.
"one can never cleanse the taint'
Norquist can cleanse the taint 'cuz he's a big ol' douchebag.
Grover Norquist is so 1980's. He's a pussy. We should be cutting taxes on the job creators, not just refusing to raise them 3% marginally. Now Paul Ryan, there's a true patriot.
Didn't realize Kuwait had mail-order brides.
One question: How did a guy named after a Muppet ever get taken so seriously?
How did Mitt or Newt or Herman? No one knows, but it's never a missed communication between the zombie base and its masters.
Farah is an Arab name. Why all the self hatred, Brother Muslim?
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Cracker Taliban Wingnuts hate what they think is "Sharia Law" because they can't get away with it here. Yet.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Cooties! Grover has cooties! Oooooooooooooooooooooh run away! Run away!
"…Norquist’s wife is Kuwaiti…" and chronically underfucked.
They really cover their bases consistently, don't they? They didn't just get "creeping Sharia" in there, but found a way to fit in the "homosexual agenda."
What the hell is a "Farah" with a big black bushy swarthy mustache then, HMMM?!
Oceania is now at war with Eastasia. Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
Hearkening back to the last time I needed one, I was so happy to be getting laid, it weren't a concern if you follow me logic.
Mostly missionary, but I'm open to experimentation.
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