not so funny anymore

Taiwan Animators Freak Out Over NYT Proposal For US To Abandon Taiwan

Those Taiwanese animations were all fun and games when they were about idiot Teabaggers and Sarah Palin being a fat teen-aged stripper or whatever. But now that the New York Times has suggested that Washington “pay off” its debt to China by letting China invade and take over Taiwan, well now the videos have a bit more bite.

It is kind of funny/terribly depressing that America’s total disdain for democracy is now so blatant that the Paper of Record can propose that Washington trade “the only democracy in the Chinese-speaking world” for a 10% reduction in America’s outstanding Treasury bonds. It’s also funny/terribly depressing that the subtitles here so perfectly describe how Amoral America could “give a rat’s ass about the moral implications” of trading the security of a democratic nation to a totalitarian communist superpower just to cut the national debt.

Taiwan is already slowly and quietly integrating with China, and it’s increasingly difficult to see the difference between these two industrialized governments of Chinese people. But to see a “former Marine” and policy wonk suggest such a craven abandonment of a half-century-old policy in the New York Times op-ed section is interesting, because these things aren’t “suggested” in the mainstream press until they’re accepted in the Halls of Power. The few other remaining American protectorates in the world must be extremely nervous right about now. []

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    1. Chichikovovich

      Well, if "selling out" means "leaving alone", I bet there are a lot of people in Afghanistan and Iraq who'd want a piece of that "getting sold out" action. And I expect that whatever resistance and pro-democracy movements there are in Iran right now are terrified that a President Romney might publicly announce that he was going to support them to the hilt and not sell them out.

      1. Numbat_Dundee

        No, you misread. It's illegal to pat a cat backwards while chewing gum. No doubt it's a feng shui thing.

    1. HedonismBot

      At the same time?
      BTW, cats don't like being petted backwards. Even though it's legal to do so, the laws of nature will punish you with a claw in the eyeball.

    1. iburl

      The "Republic of Texas" that Texas took from Mexico encompassed parts of New Mexico, Oklahoma, Kansas, Colorado, and Wyoming too, so that's like a bonus right there.

    1. Nostrildamus

      I didn't realize Marcus was grading hard-ons. Next time I've got a woody I'll think of him looking at me dourly over the top of his glasses and making little red marks in his grade book.

  1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This is a totally ridiculous suggestion. I say we shouldn't let Taiwan go for less than 50% of our debt plus a requirement that China rename "General Tso's Chicken" to "General Pershing's Chicken" and all the counterfeit DVDs we can carry.

  2. flamingpdog

    I've been reading Wonkette posts and comments for an hour now, and find myself thoroughly depressed. Is it too early to go out and Taiwan on?

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        You have to be careful with this. If you go out and get drunk with friends, that is Socialism, and Obama's fault. If you get drunk alone, that is bootstrap Conservative Individualism, and you can then blame Regan or Ayn Rand.

        1. DaRooster

          So I will be blaming Reagan…
          However it is by choice that I drink alone… Mainly because my friends think they can keep up but they just become obnoxious…
          I will get to have a drink with Mrs. DaRooster… NO TEQUILA though!! Then we both become too obnoxious. It was part of our vows… no tequila. The 2 times we broke up… tequila.

  3. memzilla

    Auctioning off our treaty commitments. Great idea!

    What could possibly go wrong?

    [I'm sure my uncle, killed at Frozen Chosin, whose only remains is a dog tag dented by a Chinese Type 50 burp gun — do you know how hard it is to dent a dog tag? — would heartily approve.]

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      [W]e’re American. We don’t quit just because we’re wrong! We just keep doing the wrong thing until it comes out right!

      –Ed Wuncler, Sr.

  4. Schmannnity

    That's animation? The scene with Uncle Sam eating/burping a burger in front of a table full of automatic weapons and stacks of bills I thought was a hidden camera shot.

  5. HistoriCat

    Why this one on one bargaining? Let's put Taiwan up on ebay – I'll bet some Saudi prince would be interested. Or maybe Germany. After all, once they finish they economic conquest of the Euorzone, maybe they would like a little old-fashioned Liebensraum.

  6. Ruhe

    And so the idea is we'll use the money we save in this deal to buy more Heineken and guns? We'd have to be plain stupid to pass this up. Are you stupid America?

  7. Goonemeritus

    As the saying goes— it’s all fun and games until you find you’re out numbered 60 to 1 in a land war in Asia.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    It's not like US America didn't do this before…

    January 1950 Speech to the National Press Club by Sec State Dean Acheson about the US America defense perimeter which left out a place called Korea.

    June 26, 1950. NK divisions roll past the 38th parallel.

    1. jqheywood

      Upfists for the Bloodhound Group reference:

      "The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      We don't need no water let the maureendowd burn
      Burn maureendowd burn"

  9. Schmannnity

    Lebensraum. Lieben is to love, leben is to live. Right now, Germany isn't loving too many countries.

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Hey, while we are at it, can we give Alaska and the Palins back to Russia for some Vodka and pierogies? We would be way ahead on that deal.

  11. WhatTheHeck

    But wait, there's more. If you act in the next 10 minutes, we will throw in, free of charge, tuition for all Chinese students at our finest universities in the U.S. (U.S. citizens can't afford, and therefore don't deserve higher learning). But that's not all. We'll give you all our foreclosed properties. Just pay shipping and handling.

  12. Mahousu

    Two guesses for the source of this:
    1. It's a Swiftian-style "modest proposal" made so Obama can reject it and look tough.
    2. The author of the editorial had a girlfriend from Taiwan who broke up with him, so this is his attempt to get back at her.

  13. edgydrifter

    What can I get for a pound of flesh? No, not mine, naturally. Let me rephrase: what can I get for a pound of that guy's flesh?

  14. RavenRant

    Selling out a friend for money – This Paul Kane does some innovative thinking. Does he hold the Judas Chair in Transactional Foreign Policy?

  15. James Michael Curley

    "because these things aren’t “suggested” in the mainstream press until they’re accepted in the Halls of Power" and the November Newspaper Circulation statitics are being compiled.

  16. SorosBot

    Please, Taiwain, remember that the opinions of New York Times editorial writers do not reflect those of the American people, or reality.

    1. MegPasadena

      However the editor, who has the power to decide what to become a mainstream idea in America decided to publish the said piece.

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The problem with giving Taiwan to the Chinese is that we will just want to do it again in a half an hour.

  18. Beowoof

    Is Obama on his knees in front of that bear a symbol that in addition to being a Keyan usurper, that he is also secretly gay and into bears?

  19. Ruhe

    Obviously we don't get to see what ultimately happens to the semi-nude Obama in that little room but it strikes me that it would be deeply unfair if the President had to give up Taiwan and blow China. Of course he'd consider himself luckier than Uncle Sam who had to work with the Panda.

    1. weejee

      Oh I kinda like what Google Tranny gave back on your post:

      Me, welcome to our new economic hegemony

      ♪♫ If there's a hustle in your hegemony, don't be alarmed now
      It's just a spring clean by the Repug queens ♫♪

  20. JackDempsey1

    The parachuting pandas at 0:35 are totally implausible.
    I believe you need an opposable thumb to pull a ripcord.
    Though I suppose that technology is always advancing.

    1. natoslug

      If they're military pandas, the cord is pulled by the tether as you jump from the plane. They'd only need the opposable thumb if your primary chute failed to open and you needed to pull the cord for your secondary chute. Or if the tether snagged and you found yourself battered against the side of the plane, in which case you're probably fucked anyway, regardless of opposable thumbs.

      1. JackDempsey1

        yo, man, *nobody* messes with my military/survivalist/last-man-alive cred…..
        [pulls out numchucks, consults directions briefly]

  21. Smitros

    It may come down someday to US officials wondering if voters are willing to see their loved ones die for Taiwan. I'm suspecting the answer is "No".

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      They didn't seem to wonder very much about Kuwait, Afghanistan, or Iraq… why would this be different?

      1. Smitros

        Less oil, the possibility of a less ignorant president, and the further exhaustion of the country's spirit and finances from the latter two wars.

  22. x111e7thst

    The sad truth is that we can't stop the Chinese from taking over Taiwan anyway. Not without using nukes. We can still make it very expensive, but if they choose to pay the price..

    1. Guppy

      The PRC couldn't do it even if we weren't involved. The PLA may be big and scary-looking, but they have issues moving from point A to point B.

      When was the last time you saw a Chinese amphibious assault ship? I wouldn't recommend them trying to fly over the Straits, since their jet fighters can apparently be taken down by a P-3 Orion…

        1. Guppy

          Oh, I'm not saying they wouldn't like to try, just that they're not good at it.

          Why do you think a Chinese carrier would do much more than irradiate its own crew ala the Charles de Gaulle?

        1. Guppy

          If missiles could plant flags, the DOD would have perfected the technology decades ago.

          (Apollo doesn't count.)

  23. mavenmaven

    There are three things wrong with this proposal. One, selling out our allies is bad. Two, it would make the US appear weak. Three, oh…I can't remember what the third reason was… oops…

  24. pinkocommi

    Let me see…. Mounting debt to Chinese vs. Taiwan's status as reliable consumer of US' weapons systems (missiles, fighter jets, etc.). Boy, sometimes it is hard to see how we can be best served economically by political and potentially armed conflict.

    1. weejee

      Perhaps Kane is thinking this would be kinda like the Auntie Bellum presidents pushing the manifested destiny westward expansion to take folks eyes offa the no-win uncomfortable slavery thing? But since we still ended up in the War of Northern Aggression after all the westward ho' and killin' most everything while passing though, maybe Barry should cut to the chase and nuke them all?

  25. Dok-cupy Everything

    Well. Even though I pretty much agree with their point, that wasn't satire, that was just preachy.

  26. Fawkdifiknow

    I say if we're going to make any deals, we start a bidding war: See how much Taiwan will pay us to keep defending them against how much Mainland China will pay us to stop. And, if we're really smart, we'll get some guys from Goldman Shits to do the bargaining for us – they're experts at playing (and getting paid for) being on both sides of a deal!!

    1. poncho_pilot

      i've seen this movie. *Spoiler Alert* Clint Eastwood gets beat up but he teaches himself to shoot with his other hand and wins in the end.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Just remember – the really big money is in the derivatives.
      I suggest you go long China, short Taiwan.

  27. mrblifil

    The take away is: how to best lay the groundwork for telling my wife I plan to throw all else aside and spend the rest of my days in pursuit of Taiwanese tail. Because godDAMN.

  28. jakegittes

    Are you people shitting me? Do you think we can continue to pay to defend empire and ask that the 99% continue to tighten their belts in order to do so? America's support of Chaing Kai Shek's refuge on Taiwan was the support of one of the most brutal fascist regimes ever to have hightailed out of a country. Sorry to have turned off the snark, but I can't believe that some of you "America, Fuck Yeah" types out there would want us to stand firm against Red China.

    1. SorosBot

      Chiang Kai Shek has been dead for a long time; Taiwan is now a flourishing democracy, not a dictatorship. Defending them is not empire building, but protecting what is effectively a sovereign, free nation from a much stronger, brutal dictatorship. There are a lot of American military commitments that have been obsolete since the end of the cold war (or even earlier in the case of Japan), but protecting Taiwan is not one of them; nor is South Korea.

      1. jakegittes

        Protecting them from what? A country of 2 billion people that we also helped to start down the road towards modernization, moderation, and yes, democracy? Big China ain't all the way there yet, but its people will soon be demanding even greater and greater reforms as the country continues to grow and moderate. You ought to read the book "Washington's China," by James Peck to learn about the fucked up job we did trying to propagandize about the evils of communism and the grand benefits of capitalism in the post-World War II era. We lost golden opportunities to cause Big China to begin the process of moderating way back when and instead chose to prop up the fascist regime of Chiang Kai Shek. If the presence of the American military in South Korea is to protect that country from Big Bad North Korea, then why do we have troops in Okinawa to this day? To protect Japan from Big Bad who, pray tell? No. The garrisoning of the world by America, Fuck Yeah, is done for one goal, and one alone, and that is to protect empire. Why is Iraq and Iran and Afghanistan and Pakistan a big deal to this day? Oil. Plain and Simple. Oil in the Middle East. Oil to the east of the Caspian Sea. And to try to get our paws on oil and natural gas in Iran. All of this other political claptrap about freedumb and right and wrong political ideology is all bull shit. And who pays for it? The 99% with our taxes, and now our benefits and the jobs that have been shipped overseas so that the military industrial complex can get their shit built with slave labor.

      2. DahBoner

        For Christ's sake, Taiwan has better healthcare than we do!


      3. Herring_Burnit

        Taiwan is NOT a democracy. Don't kid yourself. The mainlanders' treatment of native Taiwanese continues to be pretty damn shoddy and despite a welcome respite since the old gangster finally kacked, miserable bastard that he was, the fellow-gangsters he brought with him from the mainland haven't exactly melted into the woodwork. They're still around and they still run that town. The only Taiwanese who WANT the US involved are the same comprador capitalists and other bloodsucking swine who wanted to ensure that their millions in ill-gotten gains didn't go to their victims, in China.

    2. Guppy

      I've always had the impression that ROC was a bit like ROK: lousy history with actual democracy, but "they got better" to an extent.

  29. Herring_Burnit

    This is nothing new. The US has *historically* sold out any "allies" it might ever have had — and gotten away with it mostly by virtue of having the biggest/most guns/stockpiles of money. That day is coming to an end, but not the long memories of other nations.

  30. JackDempsey1

    Veteran's Day, etc.: Thank you for your service.
    ok, you got me.
    My knowledge of paratrooping is confined to a frame-by-frame examination of Patrick Swayze action sequences in "Point Break."

  31. dennis1943

    Is there a market for principles………………seems they are rare enough to have some value………

  32. owhatever

    This was a done deal from the minute the Generalissimo and his flaky flock left the mainland. Let's take a vote. Everybody willing to declare China for Taiwan raise your hands. We'd like to keep propping you up, Taiwan, but we're broke. Time for you to go home.

  33. datateday

    "…Washington, despite it's rhetoric could give a rat's ass about the moral implications…"

    Washington and about anywhere else don't care about moral and to some extent even practical implications to their decisions anymore. It's an all out do what you feel kiddies mama's getting drunk over at the prisoner's compound here have the keys and take the car out for a joy ride down the interstate just don't crash the car in the– too late sort of mentality these days, so don't feel bad if anything specifically bad happens to where you live – it's like this EVERYWHERE. Nice animation though.

  34. schvitzatura

    What domino theory? The Chicoms just want to play some pai gow with their little brothers in Formosa, right?

  35. schvitzatura

    Taiwan = Antonine (or was it Hardrian's) Wall of the Pacific, to maintain America's Pan-Pacific hegemony.

  36. ttommyunger

    " American protectorates" = Profit Centers for Goldman Sucks. If the profits go, so goes the protection, suckas!

  37. Terry

    I agree with you on Orange County, but who would take them? Certainly not Mexico, the government and people of which have enough problems as it is. It would be funny as hell to see the hardcore anti-immigration types within Orange County suddenly find that they themselves are now Mexicans.

  38. Herring_Burnit

    Loneliness, I'm sure. Given that most of the other RWNJs are frothing lunatics and Neilist appears to have moments of lucidity, life in the RWNJ corral must be excruciatingly boring and painful.

  39. natoslug

    Being a boring Cannon Fire Direction Specialist (13 Echo) and later an armorer (no fucking clue), I never had the opportunity to do a HALO jump, just the standard Low Altitude, Low Opening. I also failed to train with any pandas. My guess is Panda Airborne troops are a bit more bad-ass than us simple 82nd Airborne Alcoholics.

  40. Neilist_Returns

    ChiCom Special Ops Pandas are so tough, when the Commissars asked the assembled regiment — 325nd Peoples Army ("The Fighting Pedobears!") for volunteers to jump out of airplanes, they were surprised that only 3/4rd of the regiment waddled forward.

    The Political Officers started threatening to use bamboo under their little claws, rather than feeding to them, because they were a "bunch of fat two-toned Capitalist Running Bears who were afraid to parachu . . . .," when one of the volunteers asked, "Wait a minute. We get parachutes?"

    [Okay, I stole that from an old story about the Gurkhas.

    You know, those short, funny little fat guys who would Scare The Living S&^$t Out of SpecOps Pandas, any "locals," me personally, and anyone else who knows anything about them?]

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