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In happier days.We usually click “delete all” on the marketing press releases that flood the Wonkette Tips Line each day, but this Veterans Day Charity Auction thing to help veterans mauled and disfigured by Donald Rumsfeld’s murderous oil-company wars sounded kind of special: “Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is auctioning the opportunity for a winning bidder and two guests to join him for a private lunch at his office in Washington, D.C. Secretary Rumsfeld will personally give the winner and guests a tour of his office after lunch, which contains memorabilia, historic photos and more.” So we just come up with the winning bid and then, say, let a bunch of Iraq/Afghanistan homeless veterans into Rumsfeld’s office to show their love? This is for a Good Cause!

Hi Ken–

Hope all is well! With Veterans Day this Friday, Former US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Ambassador Paul Bremer, and Pulitzer Prize Winner David Hume Kennerly are hitting the auction block at charitybuzz.com to raise funds for nonprofit organizations dedicated to providing veteran soldiers with support. I thought this could make a timely piece for Wonkette. We’d love your help spreading the word! Details below….

charitybuzz, the leading destination for online charity auctions, has launched its first annual “Veterans’ Remembrance Auction” in honor of the women and men who have served our country in one of the branches of the military. Proceeds from this auction will benefit nonprofits that work to meet the needs of retired military through through health, education, housing and rehabilitation services.

Political and defense leaders including Former US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Ambassador Paul Bremer and Pulitzer Prize Winner David Hume Kennerly are auctioning intimate experiences to raise funds. Bidding is open from Nov. 2 through Nov. 16 at: http://www.charitybuzz.com/auctions/veteransremembrance

Auction Highlights include:

Lunch with Donald Rumsfeld in D.C.
Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is auctioning the opportunity for a winning bidder and two guests to join him for a private lunch at his office in Washington, D.C. Secretary Rumsfeld will personally give the winner and guests a tour of his office after lunch, which contains memorabilia, historic photos and more. They will also all receive a personally inscribed copy of his latest book, Known and Unknown.

Auction proceeds will benefit the Rumsfeld Foundation. Bidding on the experience, valued at $10,000, is open at: http://www.charitybuzz.com/catalog_items/275001no

Uhh, so the “charity” is Donald Fucking Rumsfeld’s own foundation? A fucking TAX SCAM to continue enriching DONALD RUMSFELD?

Okay, time to regroup. The cashier’s check payment must be fraudulent, but convincing enough (“Crossroads Grassroots Policy Strategies, a 501c political action committee”) so that Rumsfeld’s hemorrhoids will pucker at the mere sight of the $10,000 check. Then the dozen or so permanently maimed veterans of Rumsfeld’s clusterfucks will be ushered in and advised to make use of their commando training with whatever objects they find in Rumsfeld’s office. Good luck, veterans! Have lots of fun!

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