oops he did it again

Rick Perry Will Close Three Random Gov’t Agencies, Maybe Defense?

Magical idiot Rick Perry has big plans when he becomes president, in his mind. For one thing, he’s going to shut down as many federal government departments as he can easily count to: three. But which three? Oh who knows. Details are for, uh, more intelligent people?

ABC News blogs the special exchange between Rick Perry, the ghosts in the back of his empty skull, and the annoying little man who always follows Rick Perry around to yell “good ideas” when Rick Perry can’t remember, say, how to go to the bathroom:

Rick Perry delivered his biggest fumble of the campaign to date when he failed to name the third agency he would eliminate if he were to become president during a Republican presidential debate in Rochester, Mich.

“It’s three agencies of government when I get there that are gone – Commerce, Education and the um, what’s the third one there? Let’s see. Oh five – Commerce, Education and the um, um,” Perry said.

Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas, standing to Perry’s left, offered the Environmental Protection Agency as a suggestion.

“EPA, there you go,” Perry said.

So, it’s a big gaffe not when an apparently serious candidate for president just wants to close down some symbolic number of federal agencies that MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DEPEND UPON, or that, say, protect the nation and its land and its creatures and even (gasp, yes) its people, but it’s a campaign ender when the jackass candidate can’t remember which federal agencies he wants to pretend to close down. [ABC News/YouTube via Andrew K.]

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  • SarahsBush

    So, ABC News thinks Niggerhead isn't as big of a deal as spacing out. Good to know.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Well, of course not. It's not as if spacing out like that affects ONLY BLACK people, yaknow.

  • TheMightyHaltor

    I don't know if he's fit to be President, but he just passed his audition for the Spanish Inquisition.

    • Arken

      NOBODY passes the audition for the Spanish Inquisition!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        GET the COMFY CHAIR!

      • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

        There are two agencies I'd get rid of–Commerce, Education and the um, what’s the third one there? THREE agencies! Commerce, Education and…let’s see. Oh, FIVE agencies!

    • ThankYouJeebus

      Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I' musical number on the Inquisition is always a hoot. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oppHeMlaLVM

  • Pat_Pending

    I want him to get rid of the Department of the Interior, because I hate jackalopes.

    • Arken

      I'm claustrophobic and I agree with you!

    • flamingpdog

      Jackalopes are a rural legend perpetrated on stupid hicks for lulz. Much like Rick Perry.

      • finallyhappy

        Oh, sure, now you'll say the Jersey Devil is all made up, also

        • flamingpdog

          No need to bring Chris Christie into this.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I've never eloped with ANYone, I have no idea what you're talking about, and I've been wearing cowboy boots ALLLL my life.

    • NYNYNYjr

      get rid of the department of govermint, cause they are trying to get their hands on my medicare and disability money. And tell them to fix these damn roads!

    • Isyaignert

      Why is it that the Dept. of the Interior is in charge of things outside?

    • Negropolis

      Conservatives want to get rid of it because interior design is allegedly a part of the gay agenda.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Well … it is.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      1. The Department of Health and Human Services. Because health is not the government's business. My health should be between me and my banker, or pastor, or someone.

      2. The Defense Department. Because the best defense is a good offense. (Memo to self: Create a Department of Offense.) (Come to think of it, the best defensiveness is good offensiveness, am I right, Governor Niggerhead?)

      3. The Department of Redundancy Department. Because all its functions can be covered by other government agencies.

  • Beetagger

    Perry's gonna have to execute a bunch of people to cheer himself up after tonight.

    • jqheywood

      "Ah am depressed…."

      • Lascauxcaveman

        "S'posin' I was to shoot this here federal agency dead, would that cheer you up?"

    • iburl

      He should throw in a few mentally handicapped, innocent and messican peoples, that usually gives him a rush.

  • Barb

    I'm surprised he didn't say, "Vanna, I would like to by a vowel."

    • flamingpdog

      When I think of Rick Perry, I don't think of vowel, I think of vowel movement.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Can you say that with a Spanish accent?

        • flamingpdog

          When I think of Rick Perry, I don't think of vowel, I think of vowel movement with a Spanish accent.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            Very funny, pdog.

          • flamingpdog

            Sorry, hated to do that to you, but I'm a sick pdog and I just couldn't resist.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            You sure are, but you're my good buddy, so go ahead, amuse yourself at my expense, see if I care.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            OH, that is SO MANY thumbs up.

        • Negropolis

          You mean where all of the c's become th's?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            And the v's become b's.

            I make ze leetle joke, my friend. Very, very leetle.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      I think he's still being coached on the difference between vowels and consonants.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Tell him the vowels is what makes him so fulla shit, see if that helps.

    • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

      He should have said, "Vanna, I'd like to buy a brain."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Yeah, but they don't sell them in his size.

        • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

          "I'll take a Pee, Pat" also would have been acceptable.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Alex – I'll take "Dumbass Vanity Republican candidates for President" for $1,200.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        Heh–I tried out for Jeopardy! back in the 80's, and the production staff at the audition warmed all us wannabees up with jokes about the intellectual caliber of people who try out for Wheel of Fortune.

        • Tundra Grifter

          DCE:

          I tried out for Jeopardy! – what a ballbuster of a test! I've lost one game of Trivial Pursuit in my life. There was a room with hundreds of people in it, and after the first round there was a room with about 6 people.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Perry makes use of an old and very effective decision making process that I also use. It is called "eeny meeny miney mo".

    • Tundra Grifter

      BDRD:

      That's funnier than you may realize – my Mom let it slip one time that in her youth the next line was "Catch an N-word by the toe."

      Only, as Ralphie todl us, she didn't say "fudge."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        By the time I was a sprog, it was "Catch a tiger by the toe," but when I grew a little older, I heard the other version, and was appalled.

        Of course, in the South, peanuts are called "N*****toes, so who knows what the FUCK those weirdos were thinking when they came up with that weird little piece of doggerel.

        • NellCote71

          In my lifetime, too, on both counts, it was Brazil nuts in my part of Texas, not peanuts.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            Are Brazil nuts common in TX? I first heard that term from a friend who was born and somewhat raised in Alabama (army brat).

            Brazil nuts were a rare and expensive luxury when I was growing up.

          • NellCote71

            Brazil nuts were prized objects to be fought over in the Christmas can of mixed nuts. The blue one with Mr. Peanuts in spats and a monocle. I always had an orange in my Christmas stocking because my parents got them as a treat during the Depression. I never could figure out if this was a memorial to the Depression or a reminder of how lucky I was or if they seriously thought this was a treat. Probably a combination.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        HA! I'm so funny that sometimes people have to explain my own jokes to me.

  • HedonismBot

    How about we do away with the Ministry of Silly Walks?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Don't tell him, he'll turn it into a personal fucking crusade.

      • HedonismBot

        I know. Let's tell him! For the lulz.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          You so cruel/crazy, HedonismBot!

          • Lascauxcaveman

            It would be a fine thing to see Perry debating a geriatric John Cleese on this matter; and please, don't anyone tell Gov Goodhair it's a setup. Hermacain has been stealing his comic thunder for weeks now. We need to get the coyote killer back in the saddle, so to speak.

            Because Cain is done within the week.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            John Cleese would make mincemeat out of Perry within seconds.

            And Cain is definitely going down, and not in the way he wants, either. Thank you deity-that-i-don't-believe-in.

    • stew1

      Or the Spanish Inquisition.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I need to listen to political news now. I have been listening to how poor Joe Paterno should have been able to finish out the year. But on the plus side, I hate Joe more than Hermie. I am SO giving up on sports & politics now!

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      paterno is just the new mccain. an old dottering fool who still should've known better than to inflict a human scourge on unsuspecting victims.

      Paterno's also a big republican…and catholic. how did we not see this the whole time? the kiddy-diddling redflags were everywhere.

  • snackypants

    Sadly, this clip of Perry actually made the other governor from Texas look like a Nobel laureate in comparison.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I know. I'm so disgusted.

    • Negropolis

      Are you kidding? Other way. He makes Dubya look like an English major.

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      Before I saw your comment I was gonna say "Rhodes Scholar", but Nobel laureate has a much nicer ring to it.

    • Pat_Pending

      I'd give Dubya credit, but he was just a puppet with Rove's hand up his ass.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Rove's, Cheney's — DAMN, that man had a roomy ass!

  • mookwrthwilson

    He should offer to close the Secret Service…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Dick Cheney would have six ninjas parachute out of the sky and strangle him in public before he finished that sentence.

    • NYNYNYjr

      We should close the treasury department and use leaves as money. The govermint wouldn't collect taxes anymore, because, why would they want a big fucking pile of leaves? I call it the 9-9-9 plan.

      • CapnFatback

        Mmm. Sounds too complicated. Rake in those numbers by a third, and you have the "tree-tree-tree plan."

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          Total WIN!

  • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

    "Commerce, education, legislative, the judysomething, the EPA and FEMA. Those three. That's what I meant."

    • NorthStarSpanx

      How about the White House Department of Law?

    • Pat_Pending

      Judge Judysomething… <snerk>

  • SayItWithWookies

    Pfff — this is just a transparent ploy to make Perry look 2/3 smarter than everyone thinks he is.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Oh, that's gonna help a lot. Because right now, everyone thinks he's dumber than a banana slug. And 2/3 smarter than a banana slug really ain't very smart at all.

      OTOH, it's probably a hella lot smarter than Rick Perry.

    • NYNYNYjr

      i'm actually afraid its a ploy to look folksy and stupid, which really turns on a lot of the country, I've been learning. Let Willard look like the brainiac.

      • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

        All Perry has to do is perfect saying "Well, there you go again, Mitt!" and the crowd will go wild.

    • jqheywood

      Hey, 2/3s of 9-9-9 is 6-6-6…..

      Just sayin', this may be a tell…..

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        that's working like a charm for Cain to prove that he's only 80% of the lech we have come to discover. calling it now: Sexual Harassment Accusers Nos. 9 & 10 will be plants proven to be liars and, thus, Herb Cain will proven to never have tried make some white womenz blow him.

  • tcaalaw

    The best line I saw about this came from another poster over at Reason: Ron Paul could have whispered, "Fuck you, Detroit" and Perry would have automatically repeated it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      With a "Haw haw haw" for emphasis.

      How can ANYbody be so fecking STOOPID?

    • BarackMyWorld

      "Go fuck yourself, San Diego."

    • Negropolis

      We probably wouldn't have blinked. Everyone tells Detroit to go fuck off, anyway. It's practically how the rest of America greets this city and state.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        Fuck you, Detroit.

        (EDIT: I feel so dirty for saying that)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          Well, you ARE.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Never having been there except to change planes, my only impression of Detroit nowadays comes from those Chrysler 300 "imported from Detroit" commercials. It doesn't look like Robocop City. Which was filmed in fucking Dallas.

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      Last I checked, Mitt Romney said "Fuck you, Detroit" several times.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Ron Paul, even though he is insane, is relatively intelligent. I wonder if it hurts him to be standing on a stage with doofuses like Perry, or if he sort of gave up hoping for intelligent conversation among his party years ago.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      The Texas tag-team at work!

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    I can't think of any new snark for Rickerhead, so I'll just go with my default Rick Perry thought: Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

    • emmelemm

      Still works.

  • fuflans

    there's a really funny rumpole quote here, something about math skills and 'one, two, three…many'.

    • gullywompr

      "Evolution is just a theory."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Wasn't there some sciency article recently about an Amazon tribe who lacked number words, and only had words for one, two, or many? Which turned out to be completely bogoid once actual scientists showed up with all their funny little measuring machines?

      I jest, but not entirely. My brain is on teh fritz, my once-almost-perfect memory in a state of rot.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Readin' and Writin' and… the EPA.

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        he would never abolish EPA, just rebuild it with serial polluters. if you abolish the EPA, then trial lawyers run wild because there's no other form of regulation left. and everyone knows, trial lawyers are badddd.

  • Arken

    Rick Perry's actual post-debate tweet: Really glad I wore my boots 2nite because I stepped in it out there. I did still name 2 agencies to eliminate. Obama has never done that!

    A. He's absolutely right. Obama has never named two agencies to eliminate. Why would he?

    B. Shut up, you stupid redneck.

    • noodlesalad

      To his credit, America has never failed to elect an idiot cowboy before. But, as the last one taught us in a style not unlike Confucius, Socrates, or another famous educator that I can't remember now, sorry, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, fooled, er, fool, fool me can't fool me again."

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        i believe that's a dry-drunk attempting to restate a common phrase and instead mangling pete townshend…meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Ohmygod. Ohmygodohmygodohmyfuckingsweetjezusgod. The idiot. He's actually smirking proudly, like he did something special. My skin is crawling.

      Is this what happens when over-indulgent parents treat their children's every bowel movement as praiseworthy? Please let me die before the whole planet is dumbed down to this idiot's level. Where's my gun?

    • Negropolis

      I like how everything goes back to Obama. It's Obama's fault that he's even having to think about this 'cause 'bama should have already done this, right?

      Go fuck yourself, Lil' Ricky, you shameless, three-neuroned sloth.

    • Generation[redacted]

      President Perry: "Glad I wore my boots to that nuclear disarmament meeting, because I really stepped in it. BTW, you might want to spend tonight in your shelter."

    • snoopyfan2010

      Why do you have to insult rednecks like that. Even they know when to shut up.

      • Arken

        I grew up around them. Trust me, plenty of them don't know when to shut up.

  • gullywompr

    There's three things I'd like to do to Rick Perry, and I guarantee he'd remember every single one.

    • BarackMyWorld
    • CapnFatback

      Fuck, marry, kill?

      • gullywompr

        No Capn, three different things.

    • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

      I'd like to give him some ketamine then throw him in a dumpster. (That's a 'Perry Three', right?)

      • Sparky_McGruff

        How about ketamine, tattoo "DUMBASS" on his forehead, and then the dumpster.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    You know who else wanted to close the departments of commerce, education and er, um?

    • gullywompr

      Somebody?

    • flamingpdog

      Alley Oops?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Attila the Huh?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Ronald Reagan?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It was … that, um… that one guy.

      • flamingpdog

        Yeah, yeah, I know, I think he was the governor .. of ….. Texas?

    • flamingpdog

      Jabba the Whutt??

    • CapnFatback

      Al Zheimer?

      • BarackMyWorld

        Didn't I already say Reagan?

        Oh~!

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      Oh jeez…that one guy….uh, I think Paul von Hindenburg appointed him Chancellor…uh, god. Who was that? Uh…it's on the tip of my tongue. Ooops.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Miss Teen South Carolina, and such as?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Gingrich?

  • MiniMencken

    As Molly Ivins once observed about another Texas pol, "If he were any dumber, they'd have to water him three times a week."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      This shitbag needs help breathing. I cannot believe he's smirking proudly after his disastrous performance!

    • flamingpdog

      That's it! He's a Demoncrat plant, running in the primaries to make Republicans look dumb*!

      *er

      • NellCote71

        We are clever that way.

  • noodlesalad

    This is a classic gotcha question! By which I mean, "Candidate X, what is your plan, specifically? And by specifically, I mean, please feel free to use the broadest descriptive terms possible?"

    • Nostrildamus

      Nobama, also, too.

    • flamingpdog

      I think Hermie is the one that thinks in broad terms.

  • LampreyCuddles

    So who could argue with abolishing the Department of Education after this?

  • CapnFatback

    For the record, ABC "News," Mitt Romney is the one who suggested the EPA. Ron Paul is the Fred Rogers-looking dude who taught Perry how to count to five.

    • NYNYNYjr

      What will Perry do with this horrible knowledge? Buy five boots? Shoot five things?

      • CapnFatback

        All I know is that if I'm number #6 on the list of Texas' death row, I'd be praying like a horny nun that Perry doesn't discover that he has another hand.

    • datateday

      Obviously, Mitt Romney said "EPA" as an agency that can't be removed but he hoped that Rick Perry would say it just to irk off the voting base even more. Well, that Mitt Romney's one slippery skink if I ever saw one.

  • fartknocker

    I thought Jan Brewer was stupid when she had her clicking denture moment during the last election: http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2010

    In my best Clay Davis from The Wire impression, "Shit, she looks as smart as Hillary Clinton when you look at Rick Perry."

    I hope that Rick is fucking toast. He's about as intelligent as activated carbon. The people of Texas may not be the sharpest tools in the shed. However, I sense that everyone has now learned that a man who hunted at Niggerhead and failed to adequately fund education and the Texas fire service is no longer useful as a leader.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I'm beginning to fear that moldy bread looks smart next to Rick Perry. Obviously, I picked a bad time to quit drinking.

      • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

        You keep saying that. Don't be a dry drunk. One day at a time.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          What's that in English, please?

          • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

            Obviously, I picked a bad time to quit drinking..
            Thought maybe you needed some 12 step guidance. Are you new here?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            Ah. OK.

            Yes, fairly new. I used to come by quite a while ago, but stopped and didn't come back till some time this year — May? March? Something like that.

            Didn't you used to be SmokeFilledDoommate, or something like that?

          • http://wonkette.com ShitFilledExistence

            Original is 'roommate', was 'doommate' for awhile..
            Tony? Or something like that?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            Who's Tony?

      • finallyhappy

        yes, Moldy bread can give us penicillin.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          Good point. Penicillin saves lives. Rick Perry TAKES them.

    • Nesnora

      But racism is a "viewpoint" now in 2011!

  • arihaya

    this Perry fellow gave closeted gays a bad name

  • iburl

    I like your calling Rick Perry a "Magical idiot" which can also be shortened to "Maggot". His own sound byte was a "Gotcha question". Damn Obama for making our brains so socialist we can't think.

  • GuanoFaucet

    The Department of Education didn't do Perry any good, so I see why he wants it shut down.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That's why he wants to eliminate the EPA too, whether he knows it or not — that banning lead paint thing of theirs clearly did Rick no good whatsoever.

    • Angry_Marmot

      You give 'em books, and you give 'em books, and they just chew on the covers.

  • coolhandnuke

    It’s three agencies of government when I get there that are gone – Commerce, Education and the um, what’s the third one there? Let’s see. Um…Um… I've said it so many times, I've repeated it in my mirror so Idz remember…Oh yea The Department of Redundancy Department. Idz make them gone, twice if i have to.

  • CapnFatback

    HAHA! There is no real "third" department. Perry's just buying into that popular myth that government departments die in threes.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Unlike Andy Rooney, Joe Frazier, and Heavy D. :(

  • SheriffRoscoe

    He didn't vomit all over the dais, right? Or soil himself? Give him credit.

    • tcaalaw

      Good point, it's all about exceeding political reporters' subjective expectations!

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Isn't that what they gave accolades to Sarah Palin for at the one and only VP Debate?

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Vote Rick Perry: Capable of Mostly Holding His Fudge

      I'm Rick Perry, and I approve this…um,…oops!

  • Troubledog

    All right… all right… but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order… what have the Romans done for us?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Wait, was that the Judean Peoples' Liberation Front, or who was it?

  • Antispandex

    How about we just give Texas back to Mexico? Of course we fence it off first.

  • Fare la Volpe

    He wants to end Prohibition, that's for sure.

  • flamingpdog

    “EPA, there you go,” Perry said.

    Bette Grande libel!!1!

  • GeorgiaBurning

    None of this would have happened if Santa Anna's soldiers used rubbers.

  • Guppy

    He's pouring money into campaign advisers and the best he can come up with is this faux-lksy routine?

    At least he's got a better grasp of the concept than Romney.

  • Uniprober

    TSA, DEA, FBI, CIA, DHS… There. Can I run now?

  • mavenmaven

    "ewwps"

  • BarackMyWorld

    I liked these skits better back when they were called "Celebrity Jeopardy."

    • flamingpdog

      He'll be on Leno again later this week, in the "Jaywalking" video.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        He'll be on every fucking morning show tomorrow, youbetcha, his handlers have already announced.

    • tcaalaw

      Celebrity Jeopardy is rarely this bad. This was more like Celebrity Weakest Link.

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        Celebrity Jeopardy as interpreted by Will Farrell and the fine folks at SNL.

        • horsedreamer_1

          The Audio Daily Double for Continents is a stone classic.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I'm starting to feel a little sad. Bachmann, Cain, Perry….all the funny GOP candidates are going to be gone soon.

    • emmelemm

      Yeah. Romney: not funny.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      You see Bachmann going anywhere? They're going to have to drag that harpy out screeching and kicking all the way. Cain's not going anywhere unless dragged with great force, and Perry just mumbled that he plans to attend every single debate from now until aliens send a giant asteroid crashing into our planet to mercifully kill us all.

      And then, there's always the delightful possibility of a brokered convention. Which warm body will they drag out of the woodwork next? How many MORE women will step up and speak out against Cain? How many MORE fumbles can Rickles possibly make? Does Santorum have a prayer?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      None of these people is going to quit, because Republican candidates can no longer be mortified by lack of intelligence or integrity. Democrats self-cull from shame; Republicans will not, ever again. You will have to count on Republican primary voters to clock these dummies with a 2×4. Or maybe they won't.

  • STUKA88

    Yea this redneck needs to get out of the way but most of you voted for obongo the magic bushman.Obongos relatives in kenya still live in dung huts and eat grubworms out of rotten logs for food.In 2008 CNN interviewed his kenyan brother and he fell down on his knees and started worshipping the camera guy as a god just because he had a wristwatch on.Liberal dickwads.

    • CapnFatback

      Ooh, it must be computer night at the asylum! Tell me, how can you type in such nigh-intelligible English with your arms pinned in that straightjacket?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Maybe Perry needs a teleprompter!!! LOL2009

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Let me guess. Cain supporter? You know, so no one would ever believe you could possibly be a racist piece of shit?

    • Steverino247

      No doubt you typed that out by the light of a burning cross.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Needz moar pointy white hats.

    • flamingpdog

      I got a little math problem for you, buddy.

      999 = economic plan put out by a brown person.
      911 = mass murder carried out by brown people.

      999-911 = 88 = BROWN!!!

      • STUKA88

        88= happy hanukkah

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          You can go back to sucking dick now, dood. If anyone will let you near theirs.

        • Limeylizzie

          If you are a wonderful and shining example of the white race then heaven help those others of us who are also melanin-challenged.

        • finallyhappy

          Let me remind a dumb cocksucker like you that we're still here living large while you and yours are living in rusted out trailers eating ramen noodles.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Now he'll have to go kill himself and we'll all be so sorry!

        Well, OK, no we won't. Can we watch?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Precisely.

    • Negropolis

      Shouldn't you be trying to sex up your sister-mother, or something?

    • OccupytheDashboard

      troll

    • NellCote71

      Slow night at the meth lab?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      3 departments = 57 states!!1!1!!

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Wow, why the anger at dung hut builders? Self-hate much? 'Cause this post is a pretty massive pile of shit.
      On second thought, it has to be jealousy. Their shit is turned into structures with a function.

      You're just a shamefully ragey fuckbag who is pissed at all the wrong people for his crappy problems. Blame your trashparents, if you're gonna blame anyone.

  • Callyson

    What, he forgot both Health and Human Services (socialist crap) and Homeland Security (government intrusion)? So much for rebounding after Cain's missteps…

  • BarackMyWorld

    I heard on MSNBC the third agency was supposed to be the Dept. of Energy…WHICH IS AN EVEN WORSE FUCKING ANSWER THAN THE ONE HE ACTUALLY GAVE.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Edumacation, Commercials, and the Department of Post-Modern Deconstructionism.

  • Nostrildamus

    I admire Perry's decorum and restraint here. After the OOPS comment I'd've expected him to point his two six-shooters up in the air and start firing.

    • V572625694

      That always works when everybody's out at Niggerhead!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I don't think they LET him take his OTHER guns in there, did they?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Some CNBC idiot: "Governor Perry could you repeat a few lines of talking points that you have been yammering about for the past several months?"

    Perry: Fuck no–Ya'll expect me to know everything. Nobody done told me there was questions to answer.

  • STUKA88

    What the name of the agency that gives out the 50lb cheese wheels and barrels of peanut butter to all the negro women?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Look Mr. Sandusky, we're all honored you've decided to stop by the Wonkette, but don't you have bigger issues to worry about right now? I hear pedophiles don't last long in prison.

      • STUKA88

        Dont get me started on that.Penn state is gay enabling pedophile whorehouse ankle deep in condoms and gay SIN.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Hey, you know who else ran a gay enabling pedophile whorehouse ankle deep in condoms and gay SIN?

          • flamingpdog

            Me, me , me, I know this one!

            HITLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • CapnFatback

            Happy Hannukkah!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            You guyz! It was Eric ROEHM!!

          • Chichikovovich

            You mean you want a room.

            What?

            You want a room. You said "Röhm".

            Yes, yes, I know, that's what I said, I want a Röhm.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            Zere is a meunkey in my rheum.

          • nonbeliever7

            Peter was one of the best…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            Lousy husband and father, according to all reports, but an absolute fucking comedic genius of the first water. I miss the miserable sonofabitch.

          • BarackMyWorld

            Dennis Hastert?

          • horsedreamer_1

            Tom Coburn?

    • CapnFatback

      That's a stumper. Now I'll ask you one: Who is it that uses the phrase "negro women" in 2011? Is it

      A. A comically unintentionally-racist progressive?
      B. A hilariously politically-correct racist?
      C. Rick Perry?

    • Negropolis

      I love how you guys think you're gentlemen racists if you don't use slurs. lol Come on. Start saying "nigger." Do it for lil, ole me, why don't you? Be honest; or are you just a coward?

      • Mumbly_Occupado

        If you have to ask, you already know the answer.

    • OccupytheDashboard

      dumbass troll

      • Mumbly_Occupado

        Though, it's a bit refreshing that the idiot troll du jour wears his white supremacist inclinations on his sleeve, for once. I'm kinda sick of the various Breitards pretending/attempting to be all coy and subtle about it.

        Particularly since they do subtlety about as well as Mack Truck

    • BaldarTFlagass

      This guy has GOT to be a parody troll.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      You're not throwing shoes, or anything, are ya?

      • BarackMyWorld

        Not Fromme here.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          {groan}

  • SudsMcKenzie

    It must be personally painful when your performance comes in behind Santorum.

    • CapnFatback

      your performance comes in behind Santorum.

      As I understand it, that's exactly the type of performance that leads to Santorum.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        did you see what I did there?

    • flamingpdog

      Better than coming out the behind with santorum.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Not as painful as when your santorum comes out of your behind. Especially if you're performing.

  • pinkocommi

    It would be more appropriate if he had forgotten the Department of Education.

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      if there's one thing he can remember he hates, it's the book-learnin'.

  • pinkocommi

    Looking at the brightside, each of Perry's brain cells remembered the name of one governmental agency.

    • flamingpdog

      Where ya been, pinkocommi? I don't remember seeing you here in a while?

      • pinkocommi

        Awww… It's nice to know my absence was noticed. I was distracted by a temp job that was fairly demanding of my time. But now that I am not gainfully employed again, I can dedicate my time to posting feeble attempts at humor on Wonkette. Maybe I'll even Occupy Wall Street a bit to fully express my pinkocommi self. :)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          Hey, I noticed too! Good to see ya!

  • STUKA88

    What i want to know is when Romney wins how long will it take him to take down the oil painting of Oprah and zebra print drapes michelle put up in the lincoln bedroom?

    • SheriffRoscoe

      This is where Rush Limbaugh sleeps. White, heterosexual men have divine taste in decor, why I do declare!

      • comrad_darkness

        Seriously? Who does he fantasize he is, some decadent Roman emperor with a line of little boys in togas at his beck and call? (Speaking of Beck . . .)

      • not that Dewey

        That's one of Saddam Hussein's "rape rooms", isn't it?

    • CapnFatback

      Well, what you REALLY want to know is which button to push to get the biscuit to drop into your cage without administering an electric shock.

      • Sparky_McGruff

        What I want to know is which wire to cut so that there's nothing but electric shocks.

        • Gleem_McShineys

          I believe it is quite painfully shocking, daily, to his shrivelly sad pale misshapen-scrotum droop of White Pride, that we have a president who is intelligent and pigmented, and not a dipshit inbred cracker-ass moron like every mutant within his circle of acquaintances.

          He is zapped by this knowledge every single day, and I actually ENJOY that he is clearly sharing how difficult it is for his pathetic self, bearing every single second of this "injustice." HA HA.

    • Negropolis

      You really seem to have a wicked fascination with black women. Is there something you want to tell us? We won't judge you; we promise. You want to suck Oprah and Michelle's toes, don't you, you dirty, little boy?

    • El Pinche

      Watch it son. Master Oprah will crack the whip on you , boy. If she wanted to ,she'd sell your inbred family on the black market as white slaves BOY!

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      oh, we haz a White Power Ranger visitor–isn't it darling?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Certainly is a cartoon racist. LOL!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      You had better worry about your boy Cain – my sources tell me he is up your sister's ass right now. And you can't do a goddamn thing about it!

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      It depends on how quickly the Mighty Zoron can deliver the artistic renderings of God the Father (the man in human flesh) fucking Mary on the same site where modern day Branson, Missouri now stands.

      FedEx rates originating somewhere on the dark side of Jupiter are pretty intense so it may have to wait until Mittens' second term. It'll be a magic underwear closet for the first term.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Now that I'm sure there's no chance he'll ever be president, I'm actually starting to find Rick Perry lovable. You know, like Woody from "Cheers."

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Who at the end of the series got elected to the Boston City Council after Frasier convinced him to run as a joke. Don't jinx us.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Ah, hell, I forgot about that.

        I was going to use Barney Fife as my example, but I thought people would assume I was talking about Dubya.

        • jodyleek

          Barney Fife? More like Ernest T. Bass.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Barney Fife had integrity.

  • Negropolis

    Who'd have thought? Rochester, Michigan — hometown of Madonna — has become Rick Perry's Waterloo.

    Hey Rick? Remember the Alamo. No, I'm asking you, remember what happened at the Alamo? Yeah, that's what happened to your campaign.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Dude, I was trying to convince you to go over there with a bunch of pies and take several for the team!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      How infuriating that I cannot upfist this more than once!

  • sati_demise

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

    Ongoing stand off tonight at Berkeley tonight

    • Barrelhse

      Fuck the Pigs!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      They beat shit out of a bunch of students but #OccupyOakland marched in. Note: BART was cooperating with the popos, warning them when reinforcements arrived. They injured quite a few, put them in hospital, including a couple of grad students and instructors. Fucking BART needs the REST of their goddamn top management outed for the dicks that they are! Anonymous, we NEED YOU! Students won the face-off in the end, more power to them.

      How come the cops are SO kid-gloves with those fucking rioting Penn assholes, but feel obliged to beat #Occupy protestors with unwarranted viciousness?

  • Negropolis

    Ricky, can we please get rid of the Ministry of Love — er — the Pentagon?

  • El Pinche

    Once again, Romney's mystical undergarments remain unscathed and skid free.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Mitt's opponents continue to explode, one by one. Looks like luck, doesn't it?

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        Heh…you would know, I suppose…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          mmm-hmmm.

      • El Pinche

        I don't think its luck. I think it's the supernatural power of Moroni.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          A-HEM! (points to the glowering Biel_ze_Bubba)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        You messin' with them again, Biely?

  • DrunkIrishman

    Rick Perry's handlers have to pin an envelop to his back that lists his name, address and phone number just in case he ever gets lost.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I had a very dear friend who used to write his name, address, and phone number on pieces of paper that he would carry with him everywhere. But the poor man had epilepsy and was terrified that he would lose consciousness on a sidewalk somewhere and come to with no memory.

      Perry is just a disgrace. A stupid, thick-headed, moronic idiot of a disgrace.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Close the bad one Rick!

  • datateday

    Rick Perry couldn't even name 3 agencies he would've liked to cut. How could he have named 5?!? That Ron Paul…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Yeah, that was one of my "You're funny, Dr. Ron" moments. It was mean, but priceless.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Perry is Reaganesque without the advantage of havng Alzheimer's.

    • notreelyhelping

      You sure about that last part?

  • ttommyunger

    Organ Failure making the rounds: Perry's brain and Cain's dick, so far.

  • stew1

    Forget those rumors; he's not smart enough for gay sex.

    • Barrelhse

      You should have seen him trying to walk in high-heels.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I wish *I'd* said that!

  • jus_wonderin

    What a dork.

  • Guppy

    Anti-intellectualism is the name of the game. Expect everyone to be pulling stuff like this in the next "debate."

    • stew1

      Perry scratching his balls with Glock?

      • Guppy

        And getting his scrotum caught in the slide, thereby relating with most of the Republican base.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          He'd haw-haw about it also, too, as he shot his balls off.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    …the demon shall carry a nine-bladed sword with which to cut the federal budget! Nine-bladed! Not two, or five, or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched government departments and agencies—departments and agencies, except for defense! Nor shall the department, whichever one it is, that dispenses subsidies to Big Oil and Big Agriculture be subject to the wrath of the nine-bladed sword!! But all else, watch thyself, for the horns shall be on the head…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I thought it wa 4+5-bladed, you know, as in, Herman Cain's lucky number.

  • Negropolis

    Bless his heart. Jesus grabbed him by his feet and shook all the brains out, so he could stuff him full of heart, is all.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You are using the phrase "bless his heart" in the ironic Southern way, right? As in, "what an asshole." Right?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Oh, that's priceless. I'm tweeting that, and crediting you.

      • Negropolis

        Thanks. I was attempting to channel some random 80-year-old Texas grandmother, and hoping that it worked.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          I had to edit for length, but if you ever get a Twitter account as Negropolis, you'll already be famous, at least in my tiny little circle.

  • BlueStateLibel

    You want to feel sorry for the guy, but then you remember he's a Con who the heart of a snake.

  • GregComlish

    Energy Secretary Stephen Chu is laughing his ass off

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Dick Perry: Maths is hard, ya'll.

    Isn't is scary to realize that Sarah Palin is smarter than this? She'd have just used her Alaskan telepromter; you know, her hand.

    Don't they execute people down in Texas with higher a IQ than Perry? He better be careful. Apparently, all you need to head up Texas government, these days, is a drawl and twang and a pair of expensive cowboy boots. Oh, and an assortment of firearms. Also.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Don't they execute people down in Texas with higher a IQ than Perry?"

      They'd have to kill 56% of the population (leaving the 44% that voted for Obama)

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        We forget how big a number 44% is! That's a heap of sanity, right there. There's hope for y'all.

        • HistoriCat

          There might be a little more hope down here if the fucking Democrats would expend a little effort and cash in the state and get some candidates running. In 2010 there was no Democrat running for the Congressional seat in my district.

      • NellCote71

        Don't worry. The 44% were wiped out in redistricting and poll tax laws.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        I don't see any drawbacks to that proposal.

  • http://www.fightbacknews.org/ 4TheTurnstiles

    Right now, T-Paw is masturbating to gay hockey porn and thinking… man, I pulled out too soon

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Shareholders: Meet the next CEO of Hewlett-Packard!!!!!!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      'Bout as good as the last few, I reckon. Say! Didn't Cara Carleton Sneed come from TexASS too?

  • x111e7thst

    Is it too late For Dame Giuliani http://tinyurl.com/6fm766 to get into the race? Repukes need a new savior stat.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Filing deadlines have passed, but there's always the possibility of a brokered convention, haw haw haw.

  • Poindexter718

    Get that hombre some Tex-Lax, he's got an elimination problem!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      Isn't "Tex-Lax" code for "shoot another hole next to his anus"?

      • Poindexter718

        Why, yes it is. A special hole for extruding really big ideas like "DoE."

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          It's so nice to have confirmation of the details.

  • Negropolis

    You guys must forgive him. It's pretty hard to concentrate when Herman is winking at you and mouthing dirty words.

  • neiltheblaze

    Now that Rick Perry is about to descend into Michele Bachman numbers, and Herman Cain is starting to crash too – I wonder which of the retreads is going to be the next Savant / Messiah candidate for 12 minutes. Newt, the "intellectual"? Maybe Jon Huntsman if he stops being invisible? Because we know the "anyone but Mitt" crowd will not be mollified – at least not yet. They may eventually realize they've got nowhere else to go – but I don't think they're ready for that yet.

    I gotta say – Barry is awfully fortunate in his opponents – and I really see no way in which his luck doesn't hold out. By the time the election rolls around, the entire country is going to be sick to death of whichever of these clowns finally gets the nod.

    • Come here a minute

      Huntsman has the LDS disease too; Republican primary voters don't want to catch those cooties. "Anyone but Mitt" should be interpreted as "Anyone but Mitt, or any other Mormon"

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        And against Huntsman, Barry can always say, "Is that so? Why didn't you mention it when you were in bed with my Administration?"

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          I swear, that man must have a crystal ball or something. How neatly he sidelined the only REAL serious contender! Leaving the crazies to duke it out for who gets the honor of being crushed by his resoled size 10s.

  • enbuenora

    HA HA! Mike Huckabee joked that re. Herman Cain that when formerly fat-ass Huckafuck went to his beloved Popeye's Fried Chicken and Toilet Greasers it might HA HA HA have been HA HA HA 'sexual harassment' when the cashiers with ladyparts called him HA HA HA 'honey'!

    HEE HEE HEE HEE it's Southern Fried Right Wing Humor! We love it!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Maybe Perry can get a job as a mannequin. I think he’s qualified for that. Maybe.

    • comrad_darkness

      He's got the hair for it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        On his ass, maybe. That thang on his head looks like our poor old doggie wut got the mange one year.

    • DaRooster

      He can't stay shut up for that long… especially if he catches a buzz first.

  • Barrelhse

    This is the British take on the debate from the Guardian.uk- highly amusing. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/nov/10/gop-d

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Har! "In summary: this was a cosmically awful debate."

      Those elitist Brit-folk…

      EDIT: Perfect quote: "It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want."

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm surprised he didn't use the gold standard of Republican answers.
    "All of them (insert questioners name here) "

  • itsjesuscriss

    Please don't let this be the end of Perry. It is way to entertaining to watch him. Santorum and Bachman give me the creeps. Willard is a manequin, but Perry, he makes me laugh. Out of all the candidates, Perry is the one I'd want to have a beer with, even though I'd never vote for him.

    • DaRooster

      Hell, at every band practice I have beers (and shots, and tokes) with guys I would never even vote like… let alone for.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I wouldn't mind having a beer with that dumbass either, so long as I got to push an entire platefull of lightly salted poisoned rat dicks down his worthless gullet.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    If Ron Paul was really in the game he would suggested the Department of Veterans Affairs or the Social Security Adminstration.

  • Come here a minute

    Please let's finally get rid of the Department of Redundancy Department.

  • LiveToServeYa

    "If elected president, I will nuke three countries: China … Russia … and one other. No, no, don't help me…"

    • DaRooster

      Florida?

  • Terry

    Psst. Rick. Over here. Time for you and me to have another wee chat.

    The Department of Commerce. Are you sure you want to axe it entirely? Businesses can do just fine without the help or interference of government? Did you ask the businessmen who give you big fat checks what they think? Ask how many of them are taking checks of various kinds for their business, from agricultural subsidies to government money for R&D. Add up how much help your businessman backers are actually taking from the government. Then, ask them which of those programs (across Commerce, Agriculture, Energy, other agencies) they want cut.

    Now, Rick. You live in Texas, right? You saw a few years back when Hurricane Ike tried to wipe Galveston off the map, correct? Weather folks on tv don't really do the forecasting. It's done by NOAA, which actually makes up the majority of the Dept of Commerce. Didn't realize that, did you? Why is NOAA in Commerce, you'll have to ask Nixon. You know those oil spills along the Gulf Coast? NOAA's out there responding to them.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      You'd have more success getting through to Perry with a cat toy.

      • Terry

        A gun shaped cat toy.

        • Steverino247

          With a frickin' laser on it.

          • NellCote71

            I have close relatives who are frothing-at-the mouth conservatives. But they sure do like them their farm subsidies. And they sure whine when they don't get what they think is coming to them for not growing something.

            And they sure brag when they have been in the hospital to the tune of upwards of $100K, but hey only had to pay about 8 cents because of that Medicare.

            But by god, they don't want those brown people taking all of the jobs and living off welfare, as they sit there in the barcaloungers, counting up their oil checks, which they inherited from someone who was a lot smarter than they generations ago. But that's different.

  • Chichikovovich

    Dear voting majority of Texans (not Texas Wonketteers, not some of my pals in Austin, not some other people too, of course, who are more to be pitied than blamed): For years you have seen exactly what we saw last night, over and over again. And your reaction was "Hey – let's make this guy governor". You compared Jim Hightower to this trainwreck and said "Agriculture commissioner? Perry, fer shur." And having voted him in once, you saw what we are seeing now and voted him in several more times. What were you thinking? "I'm tired of intellectuals like George Bush in the governor's office!" perhaps?

    Just thought I'd let you know that you have given us overwhelming reason to believe that a voting majority of Texans are morons. In the future, you should expect lots of dumb Texan jokes, and you shouldn't complain, because you earned them honestly.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I've proudly resisted the Stockholm Syndrome for 35 years now!!!

      • Steverino247

        I tell people I served in several foreign countries: Korea, Germany and Texas.

        • NellCote71

          I was out of the country from 2000 to 2009, and opted to not vote absentee in the state elections because the slate was so pitiful. I am a yellow dog democrat, but back in the 1960s and 1970s, I would vote for the Socialist Party or La Raza Unida rather than for whoever was running for governor at the time. At that time they were still Dixiecrats, so were on the Democratic ticket. Sorry lot, all of them. Except for Ralph Yarborough. I have done my part. I am fifth generation Texan, ancestors died in the Alamo, that sort of thing. But my God this state is driving me crazeeee.

          • Steverino247

            Ancestors died in the Alamo? Wow! You should run for office down there, dude! That's worth a lot of votes right there.

            (By the way, I heard the Texas constitution was found inscribed on gold plates in the bathroom of the Alamo. Your ancestor have anything to do with that?)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

            You poor, poor thing. I'm so sorry you had to live through the destruction of your state.

    • DaRooster

      (or the actual version they will understand)

      Y'all's a bunch uh Deeip Sheeits!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I'm still gobsmacked that ANYone would vote for this shite-filled dumbass over the great and witty Jim Hightower.

  • kingcocrazy

    As my late father would say, "He's so damn dumb he couldn't poor piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel."

    • James Michael Curley

      That one I'm gonna remember!

    • DaRooster

      Thanks you!! I can (and will) use that at least 10 times… today.

  • Indiepalin

    Rick Perry has more brains in his giant head than Obama has in his fingernail.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maybe. I think the jury's still out on that one.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Rick Perry definitely has more fingernails in his brain than Obama has on his fingertips.

  • carlgt1

    well it's a grand Repub tradition — who can forget that hilarious gaffe Lincoln did of "four days & seven years ago? or was it four hours & seven years ago? four decades? oops…."

  • mereoblivion

    Theirs three kinds of peeple in the world, peeple who are good at math and peeple who arnt.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who know binary, and those who don't.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Geez. Awful. I thought I left those jokes behind when I left the SillyValley.

        You oughta be ashamed, Dok.

  • DahBoner

    He's not a detail man.

    More of a 'big picture' man.

    If the big picture is drawn with crayons….

  • Tundra Grifter

    The Housewares Department?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      hahaha

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    If Rick Perry was Augustus McRae, "Lonesome Dove" would have been 10 pages long, ending with Gus tripping and shooting himself in the face while chasing Blue Duck.

    • not that Dewey

      SPOILER ALERT!

  • comrad_darkness

    This guy is an SNL skit right? RIGHT?

    Jesus.

    • finallyhappy

      When Bill Hader was doing the Perry skit- he was laughing – hard to parody someone who is already a joke

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        For Rick, you don't need parody. Just put all his video clips on an endless loop.

  • thefrontpage

    The U.S. Departmen of Commerce includes the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, the National Institute of Standards and Technology, an extremely important govermnent office that regulates all sorts of industry standards and regulations that actually do some good, the U.S. Census, which has been praised by Republicans and used for ousting Democrats from their legislative districts, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, which conducts some of the most important research on our oceans, bodies of water, marine environments and the air that we breathe, and the International Trade Administration, which oversees important trade regulations. Of course, it's wholly stupid to even consider eliminating this department. And in an age when everyone–including Republicans and conservatives–stress the need for new energy resources and better education, it's completely insane and stupid and ignorant to even consider eliminating the departments of Education and Energy. What on earth would that accomplish? Here's the first federal government department that should be eliminated: Anything having anything to do with far-right, conservative Republicans. That's the best place to start cutting.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I found it interesting that when he responded to (Mitts'?) suggestion of EPA, that he qualified his assertion with "Well, not do away with EPA. . . we want to rework/ revamp' " it, as opposed to eliminating outright. So it seems his coaching by advisers or whoever has resulted in buzzwords that set off synapses in his head enough to register "what to cut, what to keep & what to wave a magic wand for a makeover" — but its not clear he's absorbed the implications and ramifications of the priorities he intones.
      This shallow grasp of his own message might worry me almost as much or more than *what* he spouts off — he himself is able to make less sense of it than we the audience can. (I see you've been chided elsewhere for not snarking enough but I'm feeling pretty grave about last night's spectacle too). Rather than "OH NO HE DID NOT!" I experienced instead a kind of sinking *thud* of recognition that this really is the best a significant contingent of our electorate can come up with. This farce did not start with the Cain cult of personality and it won't end with Mormon-phobia as Mitt shores up the marginal victory when other contenders' efforts are ashes. What I think I recognized was that Perry's 'gaffe' sealed his fate (as I could hear some groan-&-murmur in the audience) as about as extreme a reaction as a positive embrace of an emotionally-driven populace. The gaffe and others like it should have been an eye-opener to the thorough incompetence of the entire bunch. But with a cognitively challenged, mentally debased corral of puppets as the far right, it merely signifies who 'got kicked off the island/ "you are the weakest link, g'bye" ' and nothing deeper, no extended reach for judgment of what this means for them,, the people. Cesspool or mudpit, all they know is they're standing in something yelping for a cartoon hero to pull them out but the bacterial infection or toe fungus is rotting either way because no one has summoned an actual expert.

      • NellCote71

        What Mubletypeg said.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        A simply brilliant analysis. (Doffs hat)

        Thank you.

        I will now go slash my veins open.

  • DaRooster

    So 3 departments to go…
    Like Nein, Nein, Nein?

  • thefrontpage

    Additionally, these idiots who keep saying that the federal government should eliminate the EPA, which is, especially today, one of the most needed, most important and most vital government agency: The only reason these fat-cat far-right conservative Republicans want to eliminate the EPA is because the EPA dares to enact, enforce and regulate important environmental rules, regulations and laws on the polluting, criminal and corrupt big businesses that the conservative Republicans run. They hate having their polluting, corrupt big businesses regulated to protect the environment–and then they're the first to complain when they see smog, drought, pollution and trash in their precious hunting and fishing grounds. What a bunch of morons! If anything, the departments of Commerce, Energy and EPA need to do more to regulate pollution and big business, and the important Education department needs to do more to battle the crazy creationists, evolution deniers, religious zealots and other fringe crazies who want to destroy normal, intelligent education in the United States. So of course we need these departments–and we need them operating at full-force.

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Well, yes, but I would like to point out that your post needs an anal sex joke to really work here.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Buttsechs! Haha!

        Does that help?

  • comrad_darkness

    This man's brain is suffering from lead, mercury AND cadmium poisoning, so I can see why he'd want to eliminate the EPA. Didn't do him any good.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Apparently this Bartiromo woman brought up the harrassment question to Herman, to boos. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/09/herman-c

    Herman's response was "For every person who'd come forward with a false accusation, there are thousands who will say 'I never saw that from Herman Cain.'"

    I suppose Jerry Sandusky could say the very same thing, right?

    • DaRooster

      I would not be lying if I said, "I did not see that from Herman Cain."… so I guess he is correct… there probably are thousands of people that would say that.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

      I expect some ancient withered Nazi or Japanese war criminal to creep out of hiding any second now demanding rehabilitation because "think of all the people I DIDN'T kill/torture/maim/wound/terrify!"

      And the scary thing is, the idiot audience actually thought that lamebrain had made some kind of point.

  • anniegetyerfun

    He does seem to believe that shrugging and saying "Oops" is incredibly charming and will get him out of any bad situation. I mean, it obviously has so far, so why stop now?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Brace yourselves, Politico is about to push the button on a story about Cain's minority interest in a "Nevada spa" called "BlondieHead".

    • Indiepalin

      You're just making this up…?!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

        Please god let it be an example of Chet's HUMOUR and not a real story PLEEZ!

    • HistoriCat

      Oh please let that be true!

    • Negropolis

      And, his minority interest in an Atlanta brothel called "Chickenhead." Also.

  • chascates

    There's that Department of Law Palin was talkin' about.

  • TeaNuts

    Is it me or did Perry seem the most Reaganish (praise be to he), of course I am referring to the early onset of Alzheimer's.

    • comrad_darkness

      That's praise be to He. You cretin.

      • TeaNuts

        I have been properly chastised! He, (slap) He (slap)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Herring_Burnit

          Hee hee.

          I mean, there's a THEME here, right?

  • notreelyhelping

    Too bad the mic didn't catch it when Cain said, "Close one of them 'stans."

  • crybabyboehner

    OK Rick, thanks for playing, hit the showers.

    • Negropolis

      Coach Sandusky, that you?

  • Mumbly_Occupado

    My favorite part was when Ron Paul tried to help him out;

    "Psst! The answer you're looking for is 'all of them, Katie'."

  • ugodOH

    Just for the record, he should have said Homeland Security, Veterans Affairs, and the DEA.

  • NewtsChicknNeck

    In stark contrast to the other candidates' mile-wide and inch-deep understanding of the federal government and the day's political issues, Rick has taken the unusual approach of dumbing these down further with his inch-wide, inch-deep strategy. ladies and gentlemen, Your 2012 Republican Presidential Nominee, Mr. Rick Perry.

  • Troglodeity

    Santorum/Bachmann/Huntsman thought bubbles: "I can't believe I'm still behind this guy in the polls!"

  • fishskicanoe

    Hey hey hey, leaves us neanderthals out of this. This kind of putrid racism is a defining characteristic of human mental illness. The type that we neanderthals have never suffered from.

  • swordfis

    You're right. We're looking at damaged genes here, not inherited ones.