Evil Barack Obama Now Waging Jihad On Christmas Trees

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

An undated file photo of the endangered government Christmas Tree.

Even your Xmas holiday decorations are not safe from a secret Mooslim like Barack Obama, who today probably realized for the first time that the National Christmas Tree Association filed a request to the Department of Agriculture to collect a fifteen-cent fee on every live Christmas tree sold this year by a large grower, to raise money for an industry ad campaign encouraging Americans to go back to buying real murdered trees instead of the plastic Tofurkey tree equivalents that don’t accidentally catch on fire as well. Why has Obama suddenly heard about this? Hm, let’s review… “fee”…”Christmas”…”government agency”… ha ha, you know where this is going. “OBAMA TAXES CHRISTMAS TREES” is today’s top wingnut headline!

Here is the story about the tiny self-imposed fee, which is fun mostly because it reveals that the world of Christmas tree sales is actually INTENSE and cutthroat and real tree farmers hate fake tree poser super fake farmers. Notably, however, the story does not in any way mention Obama.

Nonetheless, a Heritage Foundation blahg post declared the measure to be Obama’s final offer to fix the country, and thusly finds it to be lacking:

The economy is barely growing and nine percent of the American people have no jobs. Is a new tax on Christmas trees the best President Obama can do?

As you might imagine, several thousand wingnut commenters then went completely, off-the-reservation insane. Oh, here’s one at random, from “Dave”:

Is this a fee only on Christians? Is that legal?

If I call it a “Holiday Tree,” does that mean I don’t have to pay the 15 cents?

So in conclusion to this tragic tale, Barack Obama gave an annoyed sigh or possibly just one of his aides sighed on his behalf, and now the “tax” has been “delayed,” forever. [ABC News/McClatchy]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 325 comments }

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Rush Limbaugh's head to explode in 3..2..1..

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

So there will be fireworks for Christmas.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

When that bloated childraping pusbag's head finally explodes, the entire nation will find itself experiencing a soothing calm hitherto unknown to even the calmest among us. He's like a boil on the arsehole of America. You know that whatever's in it can't possibly be good but you dread having to actually pop it and deal with the resulting guck.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm

We'll need some giant, giant baby wipes to wipe that guck up.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Green-tea-scented cat ass wipes. Much bigger than baby wipes, also more effective. Don't even ask me how I know this shit. Er, so to speak.

OccupytheDashboard November 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

We can only hope.

weejee November 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

We should be so lucky.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 9, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Come on, you have to know his head only fake 'splodes to attract the knuckledraggers who jack up his ratings so he can afford those all-expenses-paid vacays to Thai boy toy sex resorts.

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

What about "Festivus" poles and Channukah bushes?

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Channukah, Channukah, let me rock you Channukah….Oh wrong song.

jqheywood November 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan?

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Please sir, Kahn I have some… more…

Not_So_Much November 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

The 'airing of grievances' is starting early this year.

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Feats of strength anyone? How about you Joe Walsh?!?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

@RepJoeWalsh? That scumbucket's sole strength lies in his ability to turn his back on the children he spawned and leave them to the tender mercies of the "free market."

RavenRant November 9, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Nicely play, Herring.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Chavaleh!

MissTaken November 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Keep your Festivus pole away from my Channukah bush!

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I wouldn't mind some Chanukah bush, most Jewish girls are smart and cute.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

And neurotic! Don't forget neurotic!

Still, smart is sexy, so yeah. Jewish girls FTW.

OccupytheDashboard November 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Smart, sexy, and crazy…you don't have to pick!

mmmmm Sarah Silverman. Hey…hey! Don't judge me. So what if it's a little creepy for a middle aged dude to lust after her? You have not had my life.

HistoriCat November 9, 2011 at 5:04 pm

It's OK – you can still run for president.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

She's forty; that's middle-aged herself, nothing creepy about it.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

See no touch, as we say in the former colonies.

ProudLibunatic November 9, 2011 at 6:27 pm

My 24 yr. old daughter goes to "Santacon" in NYC as a Channukah Bush. She wears a flesh toned body suit with lots of …uh…hair.
The highlight of her last outing was a matronly old lady saying to her grand daughter: "See, I told you pubes were back!"

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Your daughter's part of Laughing Squid? How cool is that!

jqheywood November 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

If you don't, you could have Labor Days nine months later. Just sayin'

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

In favor of using real trees, they smell nice, and… no the artificial trees are superior, simpler and safer in every other way.

An_Outhouse November 9, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Made in Murika too! None of that plastic shit from China. Unfortunately many of them are harvested by Messicans.

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I had an artificial tree for a few years… I used to hang them air freshener things on it.

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2011 at 4:20 pm

You find one on every tree.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

You'll see.

"fuck that, I ain't gonna be no tree-po man."

ShitFilledExistence November 10, 2011 at 1:50 am

The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.

MissTaken November 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I love my fake plastic tree. I bought it from a rubber man in a town full of rubber plans.

Gleem_McShineys November 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

There is a drawback, though.
It wears you out.

horsedreamer_1 November 9, 2011 at 8:04 pm

I always hear the lyric as "fake Chinese Robert Plant", which is odd, since Zeppelin never won the East.

Lascauxcaveman November 9, 2011 at 6:07 pm

They don't make an artificial tree big enough for my place. You want to know how ridiculous a 10-ft tree looks under a 22-ft ceiling?

(No, not a McMansion; think "barn.")

a_pink_poodle November 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Begun, the Christmas Wars, have.

smitallica November 9, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Around the Nativity Scene a perimeter create!

Buzz Feedback November 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Heritage also noted that fake trees are made from aborted fetuses. Also.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Not really. Aborted fetuses smell too bad.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Yeah, but the little guys make such great ornaments.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Aww! Do you have to, I dunno, dip them in acrylic, or something?

There's a weird, icky horror movie by Fruit Chan about fetus-eating. Surprisingly good, considering the subject matter. OTOH, I watched it back-to-back with some truly horrendous Takashi Miike movie, so maybe it just SEEMED good in comparison. Anyway. My recommend, if you're into watching fetus-eating movies.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Am I into watching fetus eating movies?! Who isn't into fetus eating movies?

emmelemm November 9, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Eh, mummification processes can work wonders.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I'm always so pleased to be at Teh Wonketz, because I learn something new every day. Not all of it TRUE, or even PALATABLE, but hey.

OCcupied_Surf_Serf November 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Can we at least raise taxes for the War on Christmas??

SexySmurf November 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

The War on Christmas will pay for itself.

Schmannnity November 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Santa will greet us in the streets with flowers.

ShitFilledExistence November 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Gone are the elf rape rooms.

PhilippePetain November 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

The increase in production of anti-sleigh missiles will fund our economic recovery.

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Moved to Happy Valley, I hear…

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Wait … I thought that was Satan … no?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 10, 2011 at 7:11 am

No.

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

There's oil in the North Pole?

Negropolis November 10, 2011 at 12:00 am

Isn't that why Canada and Russia are jockying for it? Seriously, isn't that why? Canada's bagger-lite prime minister is trying to militarize it, isn't he?

chicken_thief November 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

The usual method of raising revenue for wars is to lower corporate taxes – it's working as we speak!

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

It's not a "WAR" it's "congressional authorization for the use of military force"

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Ah, yes. VietNam.

Gleem_McShineys November 9, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Look, if you don't invade the North Pole, the Domino Theory states that Easter, Thanksgiving, and even Independence Day itself would turn against us!

We are sending troops in to END the war on Christmas!!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm

What a load of lies they fed us! Reading the history of WW II and the post-war Independence era in Southeast Asia. If the war on Christmas is conducted anything at all like the war on colonial nations trying to win their independence, we'd better start digging the air-raid shelters now. Nothing like getting hit with reindeer shit from two miles up.

slowhansolo November 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

General Dynamics and BAE Systems are already working on the stealth sleigh.

Generation[redacted] November 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

What? Do you WANT Santa to develop Presents of Mass Destruction? Support Our Troops![tm]

ShitFilledExistence November 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

People are gonna pay extra special attention to NORAD this year.

Dok-cupy Everything November 9, 2011 at 6:32 pm

We're sending inedible fruitcakes over there so we won't have to eat it here at home.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Well, THAT will certainly start a war. Nothing like being whupped upside the head with flying fruitcake.

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 7:28 pm

You just reminded me of Christmas 1993… don't forget the 24 oz. bottle of Kaopectate… right on the temple… *craaack*.
But that was 2 wives ago… so I'm better now… derp.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Just like the ones that used to blow …
May your days be wacky and white
And may all of your Christmases be shite …

I'm sorry. Would you prefer the Frank Zappa version with crude lyrics, great music, and hebephilic overtones?

RavenRant November 9, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Success in marriage is like success in film-making: It's all in the casting.

not that Dewey November 10, 2011 at 12:38 am
not that Dewey November 9, 2011 at 7:30 pm

The President has advised us to all go shopping. Wait, what?

bureaucrap November 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

This is clearly a Zionist conspiracy to promote the purchase of crappy blue cellophane "Hannukah Bushes." My fellow hebrews (co-conspirators) know the ones I'm talking about. They're about 1 foot high and even more pathetic and spindly than Charlie Brown's famous chistmas tree.

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I'm not a Jew but they seem pretty cool to me.
http://images9.cpcache.com/nocache/product/149730

bureaucrap November 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm

LOL!!!!

And that can do double duty as a Hanukah Bush or a Hanukah Pole.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Since when does a goy know about Chanukah bush?

finallyhappy November 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I've actually not seen one. I thought our people would just buy Christmas trees and put on dreidels or little Judah Macabees.

GunToting[Redacted] November 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

"What? A wingnut is questioning me? To the capitulation cave!!!"

WhatTheHolyHeck November 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I read "cave" as a verb and thought you sounded very erudite.

GunToting[Redacted] November 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

That's, up, how I MEANT it… *looks around, shifty-like*

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Oh, fuck, you're right. How long before he issues an apologetic statement?

OccupytheDashboard November 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

We might be pleasantly disappointed. Nah…we'll just be regular old disappointed.

ShitFilledExistence November 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Betcha Obama wouldn't tax them Muslin Ramadan Trees..

Chet Kincaid November 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

The Muslin Ramadan is tricky. Every year you try to stamp it out, they move it 11 days earlier!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Wicked, tricksssy, FALSE Muslins!

Lascauxcaveman November 9, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Seriously, Obama, quit taxing our Xmastime fun out from under us, especially in this terrible economy. Take a cue from the Republicans on this one, and push for an anti-abortion bill. THAT'S WHERE THE JOBS ARE!

slowhansolo November 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Tax the trees then take them away, and Rush's prostate grew three sizes that day…

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Ew, give them back, quick.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

A dark day in Who-ville, indeed. Or was it What-the-fuck-ville?

Indiepalin November 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Score one for Grover Norquist.

proudgrampa November 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Oh, for fuck's sake.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I know. That's my response to everything these days too.

Joshua Norton November 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I stopped buying real trees when they started costing more than some of my furniture. Now if I can't pull it out of a box fully lit and decorated, I'm not gonna bother.

An_Outhouse November 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

We just decorate our largest house plant.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I just put some tinsel on a bottle of Balvenie 12-year-old Doublewood single malt. However, it usually doesn't make it past the Sunday of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend.

Joshua Norton November 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I prefer a good old fashioned Christmas. A fifth of Rebel Yell and a bag of Quaaludes.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Now THAT's a Christmas worth remembering. If you can, of course.

Jukesgrrl November 9, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Skoalrebel, is that you?

Chillwaver November 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Fuck me sideways…do we really need to bring back the "War on Xmas"
bullshit again? Don't in-laws make the holidays painful enough already?

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

The War on Christmas Bullshit would be good idea; we could put an end to Christmas ads before Thanksgiving (hell, this year I saw my first in early October) and all the suckiest songs – Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, I'm looking at you.

Chillwaver November 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Tell me about it….I worked retail for 4 years. I still have 20 different versions of Carol of the Fucking Bells stuck in my head (and I quit that job 5 years ago).

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Wait, no "Little Drummer Boy"? ♪♫Bah-rumpa-bum-bumb♪♬

That's the one that saps what little Xmas spirit I have.

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 4:58 pm

God, I hate that one. Carol of the Bells, I can handle. The Bah-rumpa thing makes my blood boil, and I am not even sure why.

Chet Kincaid November 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Just as "Bolero" is the original slow-jam for the love act, "Little Drummer Boy" celebrates the turtling of the pee-pee in winter.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Generally speaking, I'm with you on the Xmas songs. So, as a public service, I'd like to plug one of my favorite bands and their accordion-oompah-polka flavored renditions of Holiday Classics, Brave Combo and "It's Christmas, Man!" (page with musical samples!!)

Chet Kincaid November 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

At the stroke of midnight when Halloween is over, the motherfucking commercials start with the jingling!!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

And you probably write half of them, Chet!

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Yeah the fuckin salvation army guys are already out ringing their goddam bells.

Limeylizzie November 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm

We do not celebrate Christmas, due to our extended family being comprised of , in no particular order, lapsed Catholics, Jews, Athiests, Swedish Lutherans and 2 Buddhists, so we have Krishnamas, whereby I cook Indian food and MrLimeylizzie sets up an altar to Krishna which we decorate with palm tree fronds and leave little sweets and candies for him , when he comes down the chimney. Everyone feels included and there are lots of presents to be had.

finallyhappy November 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I love Indian food- but my favorite God is Ganesha( and I am Jewish) So what time do I come over? I can bring Ganesha and payasam(but to be honest , it would be from a mix- I will throw in extra cashews and big raisins ).

Limeylizzie November 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

We usually do the main feasting and present opening a day or so before Christmas, we always have assorted friends and orphans, so you would be very welcome!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

My goodness! All kinds of culinary delights I am finding only.

I had no idea you could actually buy payasam mix. Now all I have to do is find the suji halwa of my youth, and my life will be complete.

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm

HA! "Only". That little word has recently been tacked on to the end of every single sentence I say, like "eh" in Canada, only less charming.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I'll be right there. Just have to pack.

Limeylizzie November 9, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Bring the Samosas.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Pas de problem, cher. Veg or non-veg? The non-veg one has everything the veg one has except only lamb and cumin.

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I changed our Turkey Day into Lobster Pakora Day a few years ago, and my family hasn't stopped talking about it.

Limeylizzie November 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Woman after my own heart!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Bas. Nischoi ashthe hobe.

emmelemm November 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Stopped talking about it in a good way, or a bad way?

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Oh, in a good way.

Guppy November 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Look, you and your family are going to have to fight about something. If it's not about the War on Christmas, it will be the usual family bullshit.

OccupytheDashboard November 9, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I dunno…some families sound like fun

Guppy November 9, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Yeah, and a snowman came to life with the help of a magic hat.

horsedreamer_1 November 9, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Joseph "Frosty" Smith?

PhilippePetain November 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Fucking taxes how do they work?

jqheywood November 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Revenue comes in, revenue goes out…never a miscommunication.

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

NEEDS MOAR DEFORESTATION!!!!!!

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Paul Bunyon and his blue ox Blue approve this message.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

But not Paul Banyan.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I grew up around banyan trees. Never climb barefoot through banyans in a swamp, is all I'm saying about it.

DerrickWildcat November 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Operation Santa Strike has been called off.
I repeat: Operation Santa Strike has been called off.
Disappear until you hear from me.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Climb Mount Niitaka?

DerrickWildcat November 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Nothing that drastic is needed. Just blend back in with the Christians.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Such daring, to attack both the US and colonized Southeast Asia on the same day.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

WTF are you talking about, DW, I'm ALREADY disappeared.

Left a comment on your pitchers of birds and shit.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Oh his pitchers are beautiful. I love birds.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:38 pm

They are.

Lovely plumage!

Blueb4sunrise November 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

It's the corrupting influence of Big Tree!!!!!!!11

Gleem_McShineys November 9, 2011 at 5:13 pm

NO BLOOD FOR NOG!!!

ManchuCandidate November 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Can we even call teatardis functional anymore?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

No, we cannot.

The teatards are busy suing each other over their email lists, as their support drops to less than a quarter of the populace. Last one out, turn off the lights.

north_of_moscow November 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Oh yay. Conversation around the Thanksgiving dinner table will be awesome this year.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

"If I call it a “Holiday Tree,” does that mean I don’t have to pay the 15 cents?"

Not you, fuckhead. You have to pay an extra 15 bucks. It's called "Stupidity Tax." (To be fair, that's also what I call the Lottery).

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm

It's difficult to think of polite replies to such mindboggling displays of Galloping Stoopid.

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I'd like to declare war on "Christmas" TV commercials that air before Halloween.

Radio99% November 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Or the fucking music when you go into stores. But, noun, there is one thing that might push me over the edge this year: those Lexus commercials with the smug self-assured 1%'s and those giant red bows on the cars.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

They made me want to smack a rich person back before it was fashionable.

ShitFilledExistence November 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I still daydream every year that this is the year it will be possible to hibernate from mid-November to mid-January.

emmelemm November 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Those are the WORST. The fucking WORST. Ugh.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

We actually have one station here that, every year, plays nothing but Christmas music starting on November 1. Ugh, it's disgusting; and so of course I've got coworkers who play it.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

My granddad, who is really fucking old, used to live with me and the first time I came home on a blistering hot South Texas summer day to hear Christmas carols blasting out of his room, he responded to my query of WTF by saying that it made him feel a lot cooler. Still, I had to make him turn that shit down.

emmelemm November 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I meant the Lexus commercials, but "Christmas" radio stations are awful too.

HistoriCat November 9, 2011 at 5:13 pm

You too?? I hate that shit. And I'll bet the radio station employees are there on 12/25 at 11:59 pm, just staring at the clock – "Come on. COME ON!!"

jqheywood November 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Or the Patek Phillipe watch ads in the NYT & New Yorker…

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm

No, not the music, ANYTHING but the fucking Xmas music!

Radio99% November 9, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Boogie-Woogie Santa Satan.
And, if I ever hear Kenny G Xmas noodle drool, I literally want to kill teabaggers — for some odd reason.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Can't imagine why. (whistles, puts hands in pockets, backs away slowly)

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I'm stealing "noodle drool."

poorgradstudent November 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

That a similar fee isn't imposed on Ramadan trees is the most damning piece of evidence of all.

Callyson November 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

A 12-member board will direct the money to generic ads and other promotions, as well as research. The promotions, according to the Agriculture Department, will present "a favorable image of Christmas trees to the general public," with the intent of improving the public "perception" of Christmas trees and, hence, their sales.
This anti – Christmas bigotry must be stopped right now!!!

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Nothing, I just got nothing on this…

PhilippePetain November 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Isn' t there some way we can turn this reactionary instinct into one of those moments where, after hearing some Wells radio show type situation, these people just start cold jumping from windows and shit? I mean how hard could it be?

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Jokes on you Obama. Baconz is an Eckankar. Yep it's worshiping Eck or get the fuck outta my face!

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Isn't the ag dept. missing the point? Seems all kinds of industries could benefit from distributing Xmas-appeal across our vast array of resources, not confining it.

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

BEST CHRISTMAS EVAR!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Ecch!

Eve8Apples November 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Fuck you tree taxers! I will just decorate the large marijuana plant that is growing in my living room. If it catches on fire, I'll have one hell of a contact high.

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Watch out — seeeeeeeeeeds!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I was thinking of doing that too, but I think that tinsel is bad for your lungs.

Goonemeritus November 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I did notice my traditional satanic thistle is not being taxed nor are goat heads.

SilverTsunami November 9, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Goatheads are taxed if you choose to eat them in the restaurant. No tax for off-sale goatheads.

mourningnmerica November 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Since nobody can afford a Christmas tree anyway, I see no story here. And this is just one more reason why being an atheist makes so much more sense.

ManchuCandidate November 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Oh Right Wing Fools
How do you even function?
Oh Right Wing Fools
How do you even function?
It seems that all you see is black on white
Which fills your sad self with utter fright
Oh Right Wing Fools
Seriously, how do you even function?

Radio99% November 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

♪ ♫ Oh, Tannenbaum, Oh Tannenbaum ♪ ♫

paris biltong November 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

"We grunt in your bladder?" Never understood what those lyrics have to do with the movie.

GunToting[Redacted] November 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

The MD state song is the same tune as that little ditty. The clock tower on campus played this tune every hour, on the hour. It took me a couple of semesters to figure out why the college chapel was playing christmas carols year-round.

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

So let me get this straight — in their outrage against having to pay fifteen cents more for live Christmas trees, the wingers will actually be promoting the sale of fake plastic trees, right? Which — inevitably — they will then denounce as part of the onslaught of tacky commercial crap that's ruining Christmas. Well it's nice to see the crazies being bipartisan for a freakin' change.

An_Outhouse November 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

plus they're made in China. Bonus!

GunToting[Redacted] November 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

This goes along nicely with the winger meme "I'll never buy another Chevy again, since they took all that free Obummer munnies… I'm buying a Hyundai!"

chicken_thief November 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I think Obummer and crew should do this – say they are going to implement some old suggested "tax", bi-weekly just to watch Glenn, Rush, Drudge et al go fucking bonkers.

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

As long as it isn't a transaction tax on equity trading. Ha ha, that'd be a riot! Plus it would quell senseless speculation, have minimal or no effect on actual investors, and raise a shitload of cash.

Yep, that's a joke these days.

NorthStarSpanx November 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Well we can all be grateful that those job creators in Congress (with the exception of Michele, she's never there) devoted so much time and resources to officially reaffirm that it is in God We Trust forever and ever. Taking Christ out of Christ-mas is so flippin UNBELIVEABLE still. . .

paris biltong November 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

We decorate our ficus (on which we did pay a hefty sales tax when we bought it, about ten years ago). Buddha seems to like that.

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Does your ficus return the favor by decorating the floor around it?

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

This is all a ficus is capable of.

paris biltong November 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I appreciate your concern but it's a decorative so-called "benjamina" ficus and it is fully housebroken.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

To be fair, an extra fifteen cents on a dead tree that can cost fifteen dollars or more is outrageous; why that's a "tax" of about 0.3%, outrageous.

Blueb4sunrise November 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Plz. repost that Santorum Sandusky link for those that missed it.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

It's right here:
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/big_tent/Santo

Then Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum thought enough of Jerry Sandusky nine years ago to sponsor the former Penn State defense coordinator for a “Congressional Angels in Adoption” award, citing his work with a non-profit group he founded to provide care for foster children.

“Its philosophy is simple: it is easier to develop a child than to rehabilitate an adult,” read the citation from Santorum in the awards dinner program from Sept. 24, 2002.

SayItWithWookies November 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

“Its philosophy is simple: it is easier to develop a child than to rehabilitate an adult"

But why not do both if the opportunity presents itself, right Rick?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

It's easier to develop a child into a helpless tool on which to enact your disgusting swinish rape fantasies than it is to GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE GODDAMN KIDS YOU ROTTEN PERVERTED BASTARDS!!

Sry. I'll be OK. I'll calm down now.

paris biltong November 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Hmm. Fifteen dollar, fifteen cents? One percent maybe. Still not a lot.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I meant fifty dollars; just got confused with the typing.

paris biltong November 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Haven't bought one in years. They used to cost fifteen bucks. Five at one time too. Probably 50 euros these days, which is why I hang bulbs and lights on my ficus. No needles in the rug, either.

widestanceshakedown November 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I have a small shower friend who would like to get in touch with this "large grower." How do I do this?

The GOP just announced a policy mandating live untaxed tree purchases for every citizen, until Obama agrees, in which case, they have mobs/torches ready.

El Pinche November 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

OMG! Barry just kicked dropped baby Jesus off a bridge.

Tundra Grifter November 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Was it the Tallahatchie Bridge?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

You noticed that too, huh?

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I clicked on the Heritage Foundation to see some of the comments. I feel so dirty.

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Amazing, I've never seen such high p-ness points.

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

You jerk! You made me go again!

nounverb911 November 9, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Sorry. But you have to admit those are some amazing p-nesses.

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

1460 upfists for a commenter named rikki_doxx, which sounds like a porn name and has an anime-style big-eyed pre-teen girl as an avatar. Perhaps that explains it.

They still have downfists over there. Think of the mischief….The actual p-scores aren't that high.

MissTaken November 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Nothing warms my heart like the sweet sounds of the War on Christmas. Happy Ramadan-Kwanzaa-Solstice-Festivus everyone!

CZL November 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

We of the Yule contingent react with drunken Germanic anger to your snub!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Happy Vaisakh/Diwali/Chanukah!

Joshua Norton November 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

♪ ♫ I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say…

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate. ♪ ♫
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/151728/merr

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Don't they know it's Christmastime at all?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Dood, I still prefer Hasa Diga Eebowai.

edgydrifter November 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Paying fifteen cents extra for a pagan solstice phallus is the moral equivalent to crucifying the baby Jesus, obviously.

widestanceshakedown November 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

It's coming on Christmas,
they're taxing all the trees.

I wish I had a river. . .

GorzoTheMighty November 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

i could skate away on.

Maman November 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

See. The War on Christmas strikes again.

chascates November 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Christians should pay at 10% tax. It's called tithing. And wear a yellow cross on your clothing. We'll try to leave it at that for now.

YouBetcha November 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

You dirty heathens aren't filled with Christ's love like the rest of us. That's your problem right there. You act like we co-opted some Pagan tradition and bastardized it with rampant consumerism, when really it's the celebration of the month that was not the birth of the savior who died because you all suck so hard, sinners.

An_Outhouse November 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Most of the Xmas trees on the East coast are harvested by messicans. With the mean and vicious new anti-brown people laws, the xmas trees will be standing in the fields, the ag dept will promote them any way, the price will increase dramatically and the wingtards will blame the increase on the tree tax.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

The War on Thanksgiving starts earlier every year.

Won't anyone think of the turkey, the potatoes, the gravy, the stuffing?
~

finallyhappy November 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm

yeah, really, three days with my brother-in-law? I'm thinking an ax, a knife and a gun

x111e7thst November 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

As long as Barry O don't tax the Clean Coal in my stocking..

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Yeah, that's what I'm getting this year too. Or so the coal companies claim, anyway.

chascates November 9, 2011 at 4:16 pm

FoxNation manages to confuse who was Vice-President in the previous administration:

The well-trafficked Drudge Report is leading with the story, linking to a blog by David Addington, a former top aide to then-Vice President David Addington, at the conservative Heritage Foundation.

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm

News comes in faux fucks up. You can't explain it.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

In all fairness, David Addington is convinced that David Addington was the vice-president under G.W. Bush.

not that Dewey November 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm

not that Dewey, a former top aide to not that Dewey, agrees with this assessment.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Xiao Didi! Hao ma?

Does not that Dewey know that not that Dewey is mingling with the masses at Teh Wonketz again?

DetectiveGrey November 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I'm starting a movement called the Extreme Government Gouging Nationwide Ornamental Growing Party. Who's with me?

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Perfect re-entry point for Mama Grizzly to chuck her two cents'. Isn't one of the Palin brood's middle name Blue or Spruce?

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Actually, I think it's Datepalm. Datepalm Palin. Which is kind of Muslimy.

meatlofer November 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

But when is it actually a tree? Germination? Sapling? When the seed is planted? Ah Fuck!

Blueb4sunrise November 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

needz moar pre-emergent

MissTaken November 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Dammit, I was hoping for the commercials "Got Tree?" or "Tree. It's What's For Christmas"

**UPDATE** A White House official tells NBC news that implementation of the program has been delayed.

"The Obama Administration is not taxing Christmas trees. What's being talked about here is an industry group deciding to impose fees on itself to fund a promotional campaign, similar to how the dairy producers have created the 'Got Milk? campaign. That said, USDA is going to delay implementation and revisit this action," said the official. http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/09/8

slowhansolo November 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Aww, isn't that cute? They're trying to reason with them.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Well, it always worked so well when the liberal pointy-headed academics advised that course of action in those 1950s sci-fi/horror movies. What could go wrong?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Again.

Chichikovovich November 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Sigh. "This isn't a tax, and it isn't ordered by the government. It is a completely voluntary fee, suggested by the producers themselves. So this whole tempest in a teacup is stupid. Even stupider than usual, we mean. But we're going to fold it up anyway, because that's how we roll. Drudge has a siren, after all!"

BigDumbRedDog November 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Take that, baby jesus!

chascates November 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

DAMN IT! HumanEvents is on to us:
Update: even as liberal websites make fools of themselves trying to "debunk" the Christmas Tree Tax – mostly by uncritically accepting the Administration spin that it's not really a "tax," it's just, er, money the government will take from people by force – ABC News reports the Administration has buckled to mounting public pressure and will "delay implementation and revisit" the proposed fees. Poor Media Matters. They're always the last to know.

ingloriousbytch November 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

"So in conclusion to this tragic tale, Barack Obama gave an annoyed sigh…"

…lit a cigarette and pressed it into his flesh, muttering "Yes we can, my ass."

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

And who would blame him, at this point?

Damn, that man is strong and tough. I would have strangled each of these bastards slowly a LONG time ago, pissing on them as I tightened the silk scarf.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I know. Poor Oby. If I had to take the shit he takes, I'd be home in bed weeping into my Ben and Jerry's, watching an entire season of Spooks.

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

"Is this a fee only on Christians? Is that legal?"
No more legal than requiring an American citizen to BUY a fucking photo ID (far more than 15 cents) in order to vote is illegal… doh…

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Oh, but THAT's different.

not that Dewey November 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

OT: My sleepy college town is under threat of an unspecified act of violence from a deranged-sounding character. FBI and DHS have arrived, knowing that the local police force is confounded by anything more complicated than a busted tail light. Local news is all atwitter (literally and figuratively)

http://www.dchieftain.com/dc/index.php/news/4154-

http://www.krqe.com/dpp/news/crime/socorro-school

Mumbletypeg November 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

"in the year of our most high GOD"

For pity's sake. This GOD needs to tell him/her to lighten up… and/or offer to light one up for him [/her].

EDIT: o.k. now I've read the full account and yeah, scary, + what chickovich said below.

CapnFatback November 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Well, if he's going to attack schools, I'm glad he chose a holiday.

Still, yipes.

not that Dewey November 9, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Oddly, Nov 11 is not a school holiday here. But it may as well be, now. Everyone is keeping the kids home.

CapnFatback November 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Ah. Then let's hope this guy turns of the radio, doubles down on the Xanax, and finds a sliver of rationality going forward.

not that Dewey November 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I just hope he/she gets some help before Friday. Often the act of writing such a letter is cathartic and is the totality of the act. Other times, not so lucky.

emmelemm November 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I was really confused by "pig pens"… then I got it. (I'm slow.)

Chichikovovich November 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Man, that is one scary – looking letter. I hope it turns out to be a false alarm.

not that Dewey November 10, 2011 at 12:59 am

Despite the overall morbidity, I had to laugh a little at the quote from the police chief who "was unable to release any specific details of what was written in the letter", with the letter printed two inches away in the same article.

There is nothing here that could remotely be considered a "target" in the usual sense — population 8500, a small tech/mining university, a couple telescopes, poor people, a wildlife refuge. It sounds personal.

Dok-cupy Everything November 9, 2011 at 7:35 pm

So long, Soccors!

not that Dewey November 9, 2011 at 7:40 pm

TOO SOON!

4TheTurnstiles November 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm
boobookitteh November 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I can see where taxing the tree that harkens back millenia to ancient Pagan ceromonies would be concerning for Christians.

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Let's bring the Christmas tree back to its origins, and hang some captive Christians on it as a sacrifice to Odin!

MissTaken November 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Yet another story that would qualify for the "Is This An Onion Article or Real Life?" question.

joobajooba November 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Up for March, a tax on eggs.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm

At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if the entire fucking Republican Party isn't a humongogigantic performance art piece to ensure that we all laugh ourselves to death as our nation is consumed by rising sea levels, inferno temperatures and raging wildfires, hordes of armed illegal immigrant drug smugglers at every port and border, and crazed escapee zoo animals EVAHwhere.

I'd drink to escape this horror-filled scenario, but I just gave up drinking. Oh, wait, there's always masturbation.

HistoriCat November 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Oh, wait, there's always masturbation

Be careful – you don't want to overdo it.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Er … how will I know when I hit that, haha, point?

Rotundo_ November 9, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Generally the symptoms involve chafing or being put in jail for indecent exposure. One either irritates the naughty bits or takes them out for a bit of fresh air in a wholly inappropriate place.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Thank you. I'll keep a firm … er, close eye on the proceedings.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Masturbation FTW!

BRB.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Go for it, dood or doodine.

littlebigdaddy November 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Yeah, Christmas trees are REALLY SUPER XTIAN morans, not pagan holdovers at all!

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Nope, certainly not an addition to co-opt the close in time German festival of Yule to the Christian holiday that was already a co-option of the feast of Sol Invictus, which was itself a co-option of Saturnalia.

Chet Kincaid November 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Thor and Black Heimdahl are yucking it up on the Rainbow Bridge, watching this shit.

joobajooba November 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

In reality, lots of farm groups do this. "The Other White Meat" came from a socialist "checkoff" tax imposed on the sale of each pig to buy ads. That was in the 1985 "Pork Act."

anniegetyerfun November 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Call it an "Eid Tree" and the moose limb in the Oval Office will deliver it to you for free!

chascates November 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Another George Soros plot foiled by the vigilant Cheetos Gang!

CapnFatback November 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Proposition 1: The Christmas tree farmers voted for this assessment THEMSELVES.
Proposition 2: The assessment is FIFTEEN CENTS PER TREE.
Proposition 3: The tax is to be shouldered by the tree farmers.

Thus, OBAMA'Z A COMMUNIST.

QED, MOTHERFUCKER.

YouBetcha November 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

QED indeed.

Dok-cupy Everything November 9, 2011 at 7:31 pm

That's one silly jism.

DahBoner November 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm

And the worst thing about this, is how they tried to hide this new tax in the Santa clause…

Tundra Grifter November 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

First they came for my Christmas tree and I said nothing.

Because it was Boxing Day and I was done with it.

Seriously – I'm glad the right wing nutz are fighting bloody tooth and claw to overturn a fucking fifteen cent tax. Think how much damage they could do if they spent tiime on something that mattered.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Oh, sinners, let's go down,
Let's go down, won't you come on down?
Come on sinners, let's go down …

Wut?

johnnymeatworth November 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Next he'll start taxing bootleg videotapes of the Star Wars Christmas Special….

Antispandex November 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

*knock knock knock*
It's me, Dave, open up, I got the tree!
Who?
Dave!
Dave's not here.

GeorgiaBurning November 9, 2011 at 5:31 pm

So it's a self-imposed fee by an industry group. That brings up another question: How much of my booze budget is going to those ads telling me to drink responsibly? THAT's a tax!

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:36 pm

OCCUPY CHRISTMAS!1!11!

Troglodeity November 9, 2011 at 5:57 pm

So the front-runner for the Republican Presidential nomination is now facing sexual harassment allegations from five different … WHAT??? OBAMA WANTS TO TAX CHRISTMAS!?! STOP THE PRESSES! NEW BANNER HEADLINE!!!

SilverTsunami November 9, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Christmas trees are regulated by the USDA?
Are they a specialty crop?
Could I get a grant for conducting a study on the reasons more people buy artificial trees?

rocktonsam November 9, 2011 at 6:20 pm

and in a related story, Gov. Scott Walker renamed the tree in the capitol rotunda "Christmas Tree" instead of "Holiday Tree/"

Cripes almighty

Rotundo_ November 9, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Scooter cannot pass up the opportunity to go "neener neener" to those who aren't pseudochristian fascist assholes can he? It isn't enough for those who aren't christian to have to listen to the music, look at all the borrowed symbology on display and not be able to set foot in any retail establishment for at least 5 months a year without being visually harangued by this stuff? Islam as practiced by the Saudis is the only basis for comparison I can come up with, and when you look at where these nice christian folks want to go, all that will be missing is the hijab.

Dok-cupy Everything November 9, 2011 at 6:35 pm

My Married Lover got me one of these last year. It's the only Sacred Baby Festival decoration I intend to ever use again.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:17 pm

I'm dreading finding out what you're planning to use it FOR.

ttommyunger November 9, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Europe is circling the drain, we are drowning in debt, unemployment, underemployment, increased poverty and civil unrest; war drums are beating again for a brand new misadventure in Iran and these asshats have their panties in a wad over a tax on Christmas Trees…I give up.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm

On the PLUS side … well, fuck, it doesn't look like there IS a plus side.

Carry on.

ttommyunger November 9, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Whimper!

SorosBot November 9, 2011 at 11:08 pm

On the plus side, we still have another four or five billion years until the sun explodes into a red giant, and another hundred trillion or so years until the last red dwarf collapses and the universe is no longer habitable for life as we know it. So, yay?

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 11:46 pm

I'd love to yay right along with you, but since MY POV depends on, you know, incarnation and what not, I pretty much don't give a shit what happens after my time runs out. I mean it's not like I'll be around to enjoy it or suffer from it.

And I hate to be so, I dunno, gloomy, but my time's drawing nigh. I don't expect to be on this earth longer than 20 years, if that.

zappadoo76 November 9, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Why doesn't the capitalist National Christmas Tree Association just ask its capitalist members to kick in 15 cents per tree as a part of their dues? Why does the Jesus Bush trade association want our Kenyan Overlord's government to do their work for them? Is it because they know their members don't want to pay the fee?

Is Hopey going to implement this fascist policy? Mussolini's government would have done it in a heartbeat. Or is this the beginning of Barack Hussein's implementation of the Mooslim jizya on us poor dhimmis?

RavenRant November 9, 2011 at 6:46 pm

This is what I just sent USDA Secretary Vilsack (AGSEC@osec.usda.gov):

Dear Secretary Vilsack;

The National Christmas Tree Association requested a 15 cent fee per tree to be used to promote their industry, and they got it approved.

But the usual right wing screamers start screaming the usual right wing nonsense. "War on Christmas!" "Obama hates Christmas!" “Secret Muslim Devil Baby Kenyan Usurper Antichrist Hussein attacks sacred symbol of Christmas!”

And the USDA responds by immediately caving to the screamers, because… uhh… maybe this time caving to the bullies will make them finally like you?

Apparently, nobody in a decision-making position in the White House or the USDA understands that crumpling and cringing every time a moronic bully yells boo does not make you appear reasonable or thoughtful. It makes you appear weak and gutless. Also, stupid and easily played.

So you've screwed the National Christmas Tree Association out of the funds they needed to develop and promote their industry, and you've once again rewarded people who loathe and despise you, the President, and the entire administration. And this brilliant feat of political jiu jitsu gains you, the USDA, the President, and the country less than zero. Good work!

For an encore, maybe you can fire Shirley Sherrod again. Or maybe you could just let Drudge, Limbaugh, or Breitbart throat punch you, take your lunch money, and give you a wedgie. Maybe then they’ll really like you.

Sincerely,

[Raven's real name redacted]

I sent a nearly identical one to the Pres at http://www.whitehouse.gov. I mean, can these people stand firm on anything? It's not like Drudge or this Heritage whore are going to turn around and say, "Why, this Obama fellow is alright, after all! We've been dead wrong about him all along."

carlgt1 November 9, 2011 at 6:47 pm

hahaha, wow, that's a whopping 0.375% tax — surely this is "tyranny"! At least we'll finally & appropriately be worshipping Saturn on December 25th….

Local_Mojo November 9, 2011 at 6:59 pm

My family just goes out onto Georgia-Pacific land and steals one of the cedar trees that grows beside the fire breaks. It's family bonding and socially responsible.

I think Jesus would approve.

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 7:23 pm

About 20 years ago

poorgradstudent November 9, 2011 at 7:29 pm

And anyway aren't the same people bitching about this the ones who tend to think things went south ever since Puritanism stopped being a thing?

The Puritans were the ones who *really* knew how to have a War on Christmas!

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Out West, where you vacation, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them. Come back to work—and life. Until then, you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

BaldarTFlagass November 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

1460 upfists for a single comment? Holy fuck, their name is legion and they are many! Or maybe they can upfist a comment more than once?

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

It actually was a pretty clever comment, but not that clever.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I shall pray, Judith, that my boss's minions don't strangle you in your sleep.

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Now that was a Cocktober to remember. Plus Fitzmas.

McRibzgood November 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Big deal I can get 1462 up fists on Wonkette.

(Ahem)

FUCK SARAH PALIN AND MICHELE BACHMANN! Cock boobies. Let the fisting begin.

V572625694 November 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Barb, maybe. She operates on a plane far above ordinary commentbots.

HistoriCat November 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Needz moar assfucking.

And TruckNutz.

OccupytheDashboard November 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Seriously?! I thought she was a lot younger than that.

OccupytheDashboard November 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

But I haven't even touched her.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Yes it was. I think that was the year I finally got off my fat ass and started being an activist. It seemed very important to know all about these horrible little people and what they were trying to do to the rest of us.

Not that THAT has changed any.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I think it's so CYUTE! What about "prepone"? I used to explode when people would say "Let us prepone our meeting, only?" until a very earnest young mathematician explained to me that it was perfectly logical. Or "Eat shamelessly, only," which is what Bangalis like to say when you're exhibiting any reluctance at all to tackle the enormous mounds of food they try to stuff down your throat as indicative of hospitality.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Roofies and date rape or GTFO!

HistoriCat November 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

That's good – good! But say it with a little more emphasis on "even". And don't bang the podium – that would be over the top.

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

For me its Feliz Navidad.

Rotundo_ November 9, 2011 at 6:20 pm

The thought that a newborn, even the "Son O' God" would be receptive to a drum solo is silly on its face, Unless the percussionist was bearing food or water and shut the hell up he was probably shooed away. If he started jammin' out for Juh-Heeeeezzzzusssss on a snare or tom, he probably would have had his ears boxed and a sound kick in the behind.

Limeylizzie November 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Half and half my stepdaughter and her partner are vegs. Me, I love meat!

starfanglednut November 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I've never had a lamb samosa. It sounds amazing!

Barb November 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Oh my!

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Me too. We'll be carnivores together.

Herring_Burnit November 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Very tasty, if I do say so myself, and I do.

emmelemm November 9, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Hooray!

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 9, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Occupy gets older, but they stay the same age. Alright, alright.

DaRooster November 9, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Or the iPad…

Herring_Burnit November 10, 2011 at 12:54 am

It's called Jiaozi (Dumplings), and it's available through Netflix as a compilation of Asian horror with a Takashi Miike movie you really do not want to see unless you enjoy the sight of people being tortured. Just watch the Fruit Chan movie and ignore the Miike.

Herring_Burnit November 10, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I forgot. You wouldn't cheer us up if your life depended on it.

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