the dementia lobby

Herman Cain Says Herman Cain Has No Idea What Herman Cain Is Saying

HOORAY, here is your official summary of multiple personality disorder victim presidential candidate Herman Cain talking in third person about his evil alter-ego “Herman Cain” at a meaningless press conference set against a backdrop of four billion American flags in which Herman Cain, or maybe this other “Herman Cain,” who knows which, both denied the sexual assault/harassment allegations against one of these two Herman Cains with the statement, “these simply did not happen.” Surely repeating the same words over and over ad nauseum will lay to rest these rampant news reports that Herman Cain and “Herman Cain” are serial failures as egotistical nymphomaniac sex predators?

No, no one believes him, moving on. The New York Times has a terrible teasing blog post up informing us that the second Cain accuser, Karen Kraushaar, is ready to go public with all the vomit-inducing details of Herman Cain’s untoward actions without actually giving any details, how polite:

Ms. Kraushaar had previously allowed her lawyer to challenge Mr. Cain’s denial that he had done anything wrong while at the helm of the restaurant association in the late 1990s. But after another woman, Sharon Bialek, went public on Monday and several news organizations published Ms. Kraushaar’s name on Tuesday, she said she had decided to talk publicly — at least in a limited way.

She said she did not know whether or how she might tell more of her story but said that she had been warming “to the idea of a joint press conference where all of the women would be together with our attorneys and all of this evidence would be considered together.”

Cain also promised to take a lie detector test if there were a “good reason” to do so, which so far none of this apparently matters. He’s waiting for the unicorns and dildos part of the story to appear, then it will count. [CNN/ NYTimes]

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  1. nounverb911

    On the plus side, Herman didn’t abandon his wife when she got cancer, had a car accident, or got old like the typical GOPer does. (Newt, McCain, Dole).

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Yeah, he'd rather drag her around like an old armoire he inherited from a relative and now can't get rid of than part with half his cash. Hooray for love.

  2. Flat_Earther

    The new 9-9-9… If a few more women come forward there could be 9 accusers, 9 attorneys and 9 denials. All the accusers and Gloria Allred – now that would be a party.

    1. flamingpdog

      9-9-9 is no longer the theme of his campaign. He has set his sights a little lower now, on 911.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Know how Rachel Maddow pointed out Cain's over-the-top performance art begging to be called out by the MSM? E.g. quoting the lyrics from Pokemon as a sage poet?

        I just found the root of his 9-9-9 plan, it wasn't from another equally unqualified bank teller in Ohio. . .it's from the other Cat in the Hat. . .

        We have seen all nine planets. Now here is the trick to remember their names and remember them quick.


        Mallor Valerie Emily Meetzahs just served us nine hundred ninety-nine pizzas!

        The first letter of each of these words is the same as the first letter in each of the planets you name.

        1. SorosBot

          Nah, as other people have pointed out the 9-9-9 tax plan comes from the default rates in SimCity – really. Anywhere there are eight planets, not nine.

  3. OCcupied_Surf_Serf

    Best line from his press conference: "I will take a lie detector test if there is a good reason for me to"

    I am trying this logical möbius strip next time I crawl home very late…

  4. rocktonsam

    I'd rather see all this energy go to ruin the political careers of Perry and Mittins, instead of this pile of hooey.

    Mr Rove, your move.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Actually, it most likely was. Don't know who paid for it, but the whole things smells of Turdblossom. Even if the charges are most likely true.

    2. Gainsbourg69

      Limbaugh is loyal to Rove and Cain is his guy. Plus Cain makes Mittens a lot more competitive in the south if he were his VP. Rove just got sucker punched by the Kochs.

    1. memzilla

      Oh it's a rich vein of stupid, all right, but the question is, how deep? If only there were a way to take hydrogeologic measurements of the formation…

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        The hydraulic conductivity (aka k value) of this particular stupidity formation approaches values of 10e3 or 10e4, which allows the stupidity to flow virtually unimpeded.

        —Baldar T Flagass,
        Geologist, Hydrologist, Paleontologist, Seismologist, Herpetologist, and Friend of the Working Girl.

          1. Sparky_McGruff

            Trouser snakes and Herpes-ologists. Whew, I was worried that I was on the wrong site for a minute.

        1. flamingpdog

          And you're a pale ontologist, too? Mebbe you need to spend less time metaphysicalizing and get out in the sun more.

        2. RavenRant

          So, what's your take on the 'fracking causes earthquakes' theory? Seems like you'd know if anyone would.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    So, what's the over/under on whether Ms. Kraushaar is a bottle blond with big giant titties?

    1. Herring_Burnit

      Actually, she's an ectomorphic, maybe even anorexic, blonde with scoliosis. Although, I guess the operative term here is "blonde."

      Hermie likes those white girls.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        Just not enough to marry one. Although Hermie's AA wife is 1000 times better looking than Clarence Thomas's blonde one.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          I know, it disgusts me. It's just another form of racism. He'll fuck them, but he'd never take them home to Mama. On the other hand, there's his loyal wife of 43 years, and what a slap in the face this is for her, finding out she's been married to a rapist and a pervert all along. Let's hope Mrs. Cain weathers this well. She doesn't deserve the shit he's bringing down on her.

    2. Judith_Priest

      She is a sweet-faced rather plain little librarian-type lady, and a staunch conservative, apparently.

  6. jodyleek

    Don't say "ad nauseum", please Kristen. I've been home barfing all day. Although, come to think of it, that is an appropriate title for all of Hermie's political campaign adverts.

      1. jodyleek

        I had surgery and am having some complications. But Spermy Hermie does make me rather ill, it is true.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          I'm so sorry to hear that. Been there, took the rat poison. Yeesh. Wish there was something I could do to help, but I can't think of anything. Best wishes.

          And, look on the bright side! At least you don't have to wake up next to the Sperminator every morning! (Whoops, maybe it wasn't so smart to say that. Did I make you feel queasy? Sry. I sure made myself quease.)

    1. Judith_Priest

      And if you say it, please spell it correctly: "ad nauseam".

      Don't feel bad. The MS Word dictionary had it in there wrong for years. But it's an "am" ending.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        Actually, "ad nauseum" sounds like it would be a good place to find historical replicas of really terrible advertisements.

  7. memzilla

    Discrediting all the nominee-wannabees one by one, while their Anointed One lurks on the sidelines. And keeping all the politics wonks employed meantime. Don't you think the Koch Bruddahs are having a good larf at all this?

    1. Rotundo_

      Not necessarily: Maybe it's just me, but I sense the Bush and old school ratfuckers lining up against the Kochs and the new breeds like Michele and Rick and now Herman. I think Rover and his crew have been working overtime to make sure that it is Mittens that gets the nomination, so he loses the south and in 2016 JEB will percolate back into politics just in time for people to forget Dubya. If for some reason Perry has a resurgence and then a dozen rentboys roll out of a closet, Rover will be the one opening the door. Watch and see, if you're not broke, get a bowl of popcorn and enjoy the show.

      1. V572625694

        Something is definitely going on. It's easy enough to convince this person or that to run for president ("Your country needs you!"), but when so many marginal-to-loony candidates appear in one cycle, it's hard not to think that someone with deep pockets has a plan. You've limned it better than any other theory that's out there.

      2. Gainsbourg69

        The closest Bushco can get to the white house is through Rubio and Christie. The problem, however, is that these two have more skeletons in their closet than Herman Cain.

        Christie is a liberal conservative and his record proves it. When all that's brought to light he's no better than Romney or Perry.

        Rubio is being investigated for misusing campaign funds, he lied about his parents brush with El Comandante and his sister's husband got locked up in Miami for coke.

  8. GuanoFaucet

    My impression from watching that press conference was that there is a very good chance that Cain has no clue what the term "sexual harassment" even means.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      Sure he does. These women are "harassing" him about his "sexual" advances. Herman is a Humpty-Dumptyist about legal terminology.

    2. MzNicky

      As I recall, he said that yes indeed he/Herman Cain DID know it when he saw it, and that in fact wimmins sexually harass the mens too! Mercifully, he ducked the part of the reporter's question that asked him to describe what such an event might be.

    3. flamingpdog

      Jebus, reading that delightful little commentary twisted my eyeballs so hard, I think I don't need reading glasses anymore.

  9. Texan_Bulldog

    That Fox 'reporter' better get to bang all the interns at the Christmas party for asking the question 'does Bialek's personal financial troubles play any role into her making these accusations?' Just when I think Fox can't stoop any lower, I get jaw droppingly educated that they can! Huzzah!

    1. YouBetcha

      Let's count ourselves lucky the question asked wasn't, "Just how short was Ms. Bialek's skirt, and isn't it true that she was coming on to you and forced your hand onto the back of her head to facilitate the push into her lap, sir?"

    2. Rotundo_

      Never underestimate the ability of any member of the right wing noise machine to sink lower in political discourse. There just ain't no bottom there in that barrel, nor in the shit it sits on.

    3. starfanglednut

      "does Bialek's personal financial troubles…"

      It's DO Bialek's personal blah blah blah!

      Does ANYBODY, besides wonketeers of course, even bother to learn grammar anymore? Never mind spelling. I feel I'm watching my country slide into a sinkhole of illiteracy. I had a better grasp of the english language in third fucking grade. Come on, people.

        1. i_AM_ready

          My favorite part was Cain blaming the "Democratic machine," and then when a reporter asked what he meant, he said he had no evidence, he was just "inferring" that the Democrats must be behind all this.

          This at a press conference where he and his lawyer denounced allegations without evidence.

          1. V572625694

            "I don't have the facts to back this up, but…" And this after his self-serving gasbag lawyer whined at length how Hermie was "on trial" without the right to confront his accusers, discover evidence, etc.

        2. starfanglednut

          Actually, I'd really like to understand your comment. If you didn't like what I wrote, fine. But why the intense, out of the blue hostility toward someone you have never met, and with whom you have ( if I remember correctly) had several perfectly pleasant exchanges? I don't come to wonkette for this kind of shit, and was upset to find it in my mailbox.

    1. MzNicky

      They're all part of the grand Democrat machine conspiracy to keep him, Herman Cain, off of Herman Cain's message for the grandchildren, which is the only reason he's in this race.

    2. Herring_Burnit

      Yeah. I figure that pattern appeared after #3's existence was revealed. And we now have another pattern. Two of the women were blondes in their mid-30s. Let's see about the others. I strongly suspect the Sperminator has a taste for blonde.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    "Herman Cain Says Herman Cain Has No Idea What Herman Cain Is Saying"

    Well, you're never alone when you're schizophrenic.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      He needs one more "Herman Cain" and he can then claim that the Holy Trinity endorses his ignorance, er, innocence, or pizzas.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Extra hubris is only a buck twenty-five on the large pizza — but if you pile it on too much it starts to taste like crow.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "I don't even know who this woman is."

    'Cause the white women all look the same when you stand them on their head"

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Well? It's all just a buncha blonde hair at that point, ain't it? And then when they manage to make their way outa your lap, you're only ever looking at their pussy anyway, and unless the carpet DOESN'T match the drapes …

    1. MzNicky

      Odd, isn't it?, as there was published today, and mentioned in these very threads somewhere, a photo of Mr. Cain with the unknown "troubled" woman. I think she was sexually assaulting him at the time by having his arm around her shoulders.

      1. MzNicky

        Yep. Here it is.

        Earlier it was positioned as proof that Ms. Bialek couldn't possibly have harbored resentment toward Mr. Cain, cuz lookit, she's all huggy with him and stuff! Except wait wait, he never met her, doesn't remember her, never saw her, doesn't remember her voice, blah blah. Except well maybe that one or two times?

        1. Judith_Priest

          Oh God. All the comments on that site are about Obama being the "secret son" of Malcolm X.

          I thought i'd heard it ALL, but there are about a dozen comments from people who absolutely believe this to be true. WTF? WTFF?

          1. HempDogbane

            I got a couple chuckles reading those comments as they occasionally interrupted the X talk to defend Herman. There is some strong 'tardation there.

          2. RavenRant

            That one has been going around the wingnuttisphere since before O was elected.

            Don't ask me how I know.

  12. YouBetcha

    Plus also such as, if you speak in the third person about yourself, it kills YouBetcha's girlboner. Every time. Do not want. She is not interested in hearing about you speak about yourself as though you are not yourself.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      I think the worst part of all of this for you, would be realizing that you actually previously HAD a girlboner for Cain.

      Herman Cain thinks Herman Cain did you a pretty solid favor there.

    1. rocktonsam

      Paterno has had a 46 year career at Penn St., He should have had the integrity to do the right thing.He didn't.

      Neither has the NCAA ever.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          I heard Penn State is thinking of transferring Sandusky to coach at Notre Dame. The Catholics are more forgiving of this kind of shit.

    2. SorosBot

      Fuck, I left the TV on a bit after Raising Hope and the local Fox News showed a pro-Paterno rally up in University Valley. I want to punch every single fuckhead there in the face. This is just like stars who still support Roman Polanski, or Catholics who still defend the church. Who gives a shit that he enabled child rape, he helped win a lot of football games even though football doesn't matter one bit in the greater scheme of things?

      And, of course, 60% of FOX-29 viewers think he should stay. What's a little child rape versus winning a child's sport?

    1. Limeylizzie

      All blonde, as well. As I say to my cat , when he attacks my yarn when I am knitting, "Trevor, do something original, don't be a stereotype".

      1. Chet Kincaid

        When you grow up being a good little Booker T. Washington devotee in Stockholm Syndrome, Georgia, happily drinking from the colored fountain and not causing any ruckus for the white folks, and your gutlessness is validated with executive positions in the upper management of lower-tier institutions and no-account dens of lobbying, what should be your reward? Why, getting to grope all the big-bosomed blondes you ever imagined, and having the white man himself pay to clean it all up for you!

        1. Limeylizzie

          God, I hadn't even considered that he grew up in a segregated South, Good God, how can that not make you just hate Whitey rather than kowtow to him?

        2. RavenRant

          And was too completely craven to participate in the Civil Rights movement in any way. Not even in the most timid, tentative manner. As a young man, he chose not to participate in the essential, momentous struggle of the age, the movement in which braver men and women were fighting, bleeding, and dying for his right to vote, his right to be treated as a human being, his right to be anything other than the most menial laborer.

          He chose to keep his head down, stay out of trouble, let others shoulder the weight.

          And now he thinks he has the character to lead the free world.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            You know, to me, the issue is not that he didn't participate – lots of people didn't. But the active, gleeful pissing on the movement by repudiating it and making common cause with its worst adversaries – that's what is so offensive and self-humiliating.

    2. Herring_Burnit

      At least two, probably four (two female employees of Iowa Christian talk-show host Steve Deace were also, apparently, harassed, and somehow I think Iowa might have a surfeit of blonde white Christian ladies). One *other* woman whom he indicated an interest in harassing but was prevented from actually doint so, was Egyptian, but she could well have been blonde too. I haven't seen any photos of her.

      I suspect he has a yen for blonde white women, which would make him a self-loathing racist.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        "One *other* woman whom he indicated an interest in harassing but was prevented from actually doint so"

        Ha ha! It's funny when the other guy gets cock-blocked!!

  13. Callyson

    According to the LA Times story I read on this, these two met at the National Restaurant Association's national convention in 1997. *Someone* please have photos…please?

  14. parkypundit982

    Should be easy enough to check Ms. Bialek's story, right? What hotel did she stay at? What night? Who upgraded her room? Was a credit card used? Somebody get on that, would you? Thanks.

    1. flamingpdog

      But he'll have to take a lie detector test for you to prove that. And there'll have to be a "good" reason for that to happen. And if he doesn't see a "good" reason for that, then he doesn't have to take the lie detector test, and then he didn't lie about taking the lie detector test.

      Wait, I'm confused. The pdog needs to go home and have a beer.

      But which pdog is it?

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        It's an admirable Palin tactic, say you did something or offer something when it never was. Like providing Trig's birth certificate and her full medical records.

        Also too, make sure you use the power of your one-way MSM megaphone to call every critique and allegation 'frivolous' or that things 'simply did not happen.' Works like a charm. Herb will be rich off the speaking circuit for the next three years without actually having to work.

  15. jdoleman

    "Herman Cain Says Herman Cain Has No Idea What Herman Cain Is Saying"

    Has Herman Cain commented yet?

  16. edgydrifter

    No, we need details. The best part of these scandals is how gross and awkward the unwanted advances invariably go down. To wit:
    1) Suggesting the presence of pubic hair on a can of soda in jest.
    2) Drunkenly propositioning the lady in front of a crowd (Broadway Joe FTW!)
    3) The sudden head-to-crotch kung fu lunge.
    Personally, I find it hella amusing that even as a spotty fifteen-year-old I might actually have been more suave and debonair than these supposed cultural giants.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      To be fair, Joe only said he'd like to give Miss Suzy a kiss; he didn't whip out his Little Joe and try to force her to "play the bozak." Unless I missed it.

    2. MissTaken

      Pubic hair on a can of coke:

      While not at all suave or debonair was at least original. I wonder how many nights Clarence spent thinking that one up.

  17. jdoleman

    If Anthony Weiner had sexually harassed women in person instead of onTwitter, he'd have a political career today. (via @BorowitzReport )

  18. SorosBot

    Bob Dole says, "Bob Dole likes the way this Herman Cain fellow talks about Herman Cain, almost as much as Bob Dole likes his Viagra."

  19. Beetagger

    The women he goes after all look like realtors. Maybe he thought he was working for the National Realtor's Association.

  20. JustPixelz

    He complains about anonymous sources when the women are honoring the confidentiality promise they made.

    He says there are no facts* to support the "allegations' then he says he infers it's a "Democrat" conspiracy … but has no facts to back that up.
    * fun fact: the National Restaurant Association investigated and paid

  21. samsuncle

    I think I'm coming down with a severe case of Cain fatigue just as I was beginning to recover from Palinitis.

  22. BlueStateLibel

    Cain needs to put up more flags behind himself, then I'll believe him. Eh, jokey man will be out of here soon enough, not to worry.

  23. Chichikovovich

    It just occurred to me that we are missing one important positive, uplifting side to all this, and I for one am grateful to Herman Cain for it.

    Every night, as darkness creeps over him, Rick Santorum will lie staring at the ceiling in his twin bed (five yards from his wife's), in his favorite pyjamas (the ones commemorating the Albigensian Crusade, the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre, and the Revocation of the Edict of Nantes), struggling to sleep. And as his thoughts tumble through his mind, he'll cast a question to the silence: "Do the American people – even the core Republicans – really have such contempt for me and what I stand for that I can be clobbered by an obvious grifter – a professional lobbyist – a clown who can't utter two sentences without at least one of them being genuine nonsense? A man who is running for the Republican nomination and won't even take a clear stand against abortion for heaven's sake? A pathological horndog so extreme he would have been kicked out of the Rolling Stones for terminal cat scratch fever? Could they really hate me that much?"

    And the silence whispers: "Yes, Rick. Yes they do."

      1. Chichikovovich

        Thanks gang, I'm touched by the kind words.

        No luck on the pyjamas, though. I think you have to be a high-ranking member of Opus Dei to get them.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Nice. And, for a second there:
      (the ones commemorating the Albigensian Crusade, the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre, and the Revocation of the Edict of Nantes)
      I thought maybe Dennis Miller had finally returned from the dark side.

    2. Judith_Priest

      I am in tears over the description of those pajamas.

      And the Rolling Stones comment was exquisite, too.

      I am humbled and in awe of your prowess.

      1. LetUsBray

        "Yeah, no one likes a weird old out-of-control perv", adds Bill Wyman.

        On the plus side, once the inevitable photos of him and the accuser(s) surface, he can always walk back his claims that he never met them by saying he forgot their fucking names.

    3. RavenRant

      Chichikovovich, did you know that Mr. Layne is searching for a new Wonkette, Jr.?

      Please, please, please, make it so.

    4. Judith_Priest

      Just shared this with Mr _Priest. He says, "I bet I know what the stain on the back of those pajama bottoms is!"

    5. DahBoner

      "And the silence whispers: "Yes, Rick. Yes they do.""

      Sometimes when God doesn't answer your prayers Rick, it means he doesn't like you….

    6. fuflans

      well that gets my 'comment of the week' award. if we're still doing that…

      thanks chichi

      (also, i had the pleasure of giving you double 'p's', from my phone and my computer. i love it when that works…)

  24. Indiepalin

    If all these women are gonna hold a joint news conference, they better find a large enough venue, like Cowboys Stadium.

    1. not that Dewey

      The Bank of America lawyers all just heaved a collective sigh of relief — "whew! at least we didn't have to deal with THAT many pissed-off people!"

  25. JustPixelz

    It's worth noting that Herman Cain objected to reporters talking to his family. He basically said talk to him and leave the family out of this.

    From HuffPo today…

    Limbaugh also attacked Bialek's son. In the CNN interview, she told Costello that her son had encouraged her to make her allegations public. "You think Obama doesn't love hearing this?" Limbaugh said. "A 13-year-old tattle-tale. I mean, that is a brownshirt preview here. Exactly what big government types like."

    Limbaugh calling the kid a Nazi. Your move Herman.

    1. SorosBot

      Um, the Hitler Youth were encouraged to turn on their parents if they spoke against the regime, not to encourage their parents to go public with nasty shit the regime's representatives did to them.

  26. V572625694

    A joint press conference with all the accusers? Are we sure she didn't mean to say "a ten-part reality show with all the accusers"?

      1. V572625694

        How about "American Harasser," with a judge-panel made up of Charlie Sheen (the Simon Cowell figure), Anita Hill and, of course, Bill Clinton, and Herman as the MC? The contestants will vie to tell the most heart-rending, horrifying stories of how they were harassed.

        Thing writes itself.

  27. ttommyunger

    I must admit, I'm enjoying this waaay too much….Keep on keepin' on Hermie, you fucking kill me!

  28. Cheneysleftnut

    The best is yet to come: at the next debate, Cain is asked about his alleged manhandling of women, and the audience erupts in applause…

  29. weejee

    Black Walnutz is certainly shaking it doing his poll dance, but his numbers are still dropping faster than his Pinocchio nose is growin'.

  30. Guppy

    "Cain also promised to take a lie detector test"

    "I never touched a woman who didn't really want it."

    "I never did anything inappropriate for a work environment."

    "I have done nothing wrong."

    "All women want my man-meat."

  31. RavenRant

    We need a national poll immediately: What percentage of likely voters reflexively hate guys that refer to themselves in the third person?

    1. LetUsBray

      Latin teacher note: ANOTHER reason to dread Caesar's memoirs of his Gaul-invading days being dumped onto the AP course.

  32. BaldarTFlagass

    OT, but at least here in South Central Texas at this time (755 pm CST), you can see what appears to be that near-miss asteroid, a few degrees "south" of the moon. Pretty cool.

    Or maybe it's just an airplane and I'm drunk.

        1. littlebigdaddy

          Baldar, I am willing to give you the most interesting man award. I have learned more about perverted sex from you than from my older brother.

    1. Come here a minute

      Sorry, I think it's just Jupiter.


      Unless you are (or know) an amateur or professional astronomer, with access to at least a 6-inch telescope, the answer is that you will not see it. The asteroid is some 8,700 times smaller in diameter than the moon. It will be too faint to see with the eye alone, or even binoculars. If you could see it, this asteroid – albeit close to Earth – would look like a steadily moving star. It will not show a disk, as the moon does.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Thank you. i went to the NASA site and didn't see anything, my old man called me originally and said he saw it moving ever so slowly, but I guess he was drinking. He was a little disappointed and I think pissed when i called him and told him Jupiter. '

  33. RavenRant

    Got to say, I beat a lie detector test in High School. An 'expert', supposedly one of the best people in the field, was brought in to give a demonstration. He gave a little speech about how it was foolproof, nobody could beat the machine, blah blah blah. I volunteered, lied through my teeth, and passed with flying colors.

    No, I'm not a sociopath. Lie detectors are crap science. There is a reason the results are not admissible in court. Do not ever take one if you are in trouble. The results can be twisted any way the 'expert' wants.

    1. V572625694

      Plus Herman seems to be able to adjust his memory to suit his purposes. If he truly believes he's telling the truth, the lie detector will show that. In fact his (slightly qualified) willingness to take the test may indicate that he's survived previous encounters.

      1. SorosBot

        They've been known to be bullshit for decades, but the general public (in part thanks to TV and movies) thinks they work. The inventor, William Moulton Marston, was also a very strange guy who was into polyamory, bondage, believed in female dominance and matriarchy and who created Wonder Woman; as any look at the early issues he wrote shows.

  34. Chet Kincaid

    "And to prove to you that these allegations are ridickalus, this fine law enforcement officer will monitor me as I walk a straight line past the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, then touch the tip of my thang with each index finger."

  35. rickmaci

    Looks to me like Herm would have been a lot better off if he had just laid off the little blue pills.

  36. MzNicky

    I don't recall ever seeing a presidential candidate introduced/defensively lauded by his attorney at a press conference before. Historical moment?

  37. TitsOccupado

    Kinda liking the way the elections are shaking out for the most part, but it sure does illustrate just how fucking schitzo we are as a country.

  38. Terry

    So, once again, a GOP businessman who is supposed to reform government, running it more like a business, turns out not to be an honorable man and actually a bad businessman. What a shock.

  39. BarackMyWorld

    "Herman Cain says he doesn't even know who Sharon Bialek is despite allegations of sexual harassment."

    Countdown to photo of them together in 3, 2, 1…

  40. SayItWithWookies

    What I really like that nobody seems to have mentioned yet is that he's admitted the NRA paid the two women who filed complaints but says their investigation found their complaints were entirely baseless. Is anyone else surprised to find out that if you baselessly accuse your boss of sexual harassment, your company will hand you a check for a year's salary and send you on your way? I mean this guy's supposed to be a fucking astute businessman and yet he thinks a company he headed is run the way a couple of four-year-olds with a half-dozen Barbie dolls and a pile of Monopoly money might imagine it. And nobody's asked him about that.


    The comments on this posting are beyond.
    Touché, Wonketteratti! Hey, wait, does it count as sexual harassment too?

  42. carlgt1

    perhaps racism is over? I mean this new woman who came forward is a nice lily-white fragile woman – who Cain was all over groping for butt-sex. And the Repugs are attacking HER!

  43. tihond

    Fun fact: "U Becki Becki Becki Stan" was actually Cain's guest list for an orgy he was having, it should be written as "You, Becky, Becki Becky, Stan"

  44. tealsheart

    To quote the PurplePizzaPimp, the godFather who makes you hollar, he who dips his pepperoni in your moist sauce…he who will claim that the photos ( to come) are photoshopped:

    "Bit'cheese Please"

  45. V572625694

    "I reject the charges" + "I don't recall this person" ≠ "I didn't do it."

    "I never behaved inappropriately" = "She was askin for it!"

  46. lulzmonger

    Christ, what an asshole. The hoity-toity third-person schtick looked deranged & moronic when Dole did it, & it definitely does not improve with age.

    Looks like Herman Cain is setting up Herman Cain's (9th? 10th? 15th?) defense based on Herman Cain having multiple-personality disorder, even though the personalities all have the same name & characteristics, unlike every case of MPD ever … because that's just how Herman Cain rolls.

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