Herman Cain Says Herman Cain Has No Idea What Herman Cain Is Saying

HOORAY, here is your official summary of multiple personality disorder victim presidential candidate Herman Cain talking in third person about his evil alter-ego "Herman Cain" at a meaningless press conference set against a backdrop of four billion American flags in which Herman Cain, or maybe this other "Herman Cain," who knows which, both denied the sexual assault/harassment allegations against one of these two Herman Cains with the statement, "these simply did not happen." Surely repeating the same words over and over ad nauseum will lay to rest these rampant news reports that Herman Cain and "Herman Cain" are serial failures as egotistical nymphomaniac sex predators?

No, no one believes him, moving on. The New York Times has a terrible teasing blog post up informing us that the second Cain accuser, Karen Kraushaar, is ready to go public with all the vomit-inducing details of Herman Cain's untoward actions without actually giving any details, how polite:

Ms. Kraushaar had previously allowed her lawyer to challenge Mr. Cain’s denial that he had done anything wrong while at the helm of the restaurant association in the late 1990s. But after another woman, Sharon Bialek, went public on Monday and several news organizations published Ms. Kraushaar’s name on Tuesday, she said she had decided to talk publicly — at least in a limited way.

She said she did not know whether or how she might tell more of her story but said that she had been warming “to the idea of a joint press conference where all of the women would be together with our attorneys and all of this evidence would be considered together.”

Cain also promised to take a lie detector test if there were a "good reason" to do so, which so far none of this apparently matters. He's waiting for the unicorns and dildos part of the story to appear, then it will count. [ CNN / NYTimes ]