The generally obese, illiterate citizens of Mississippi are for some reason voting today on an insane initiative widely billed as a litmus test on “how fucking backasswards can Mississippi possibly be?” that will determine whether the state adds a constitutional amendment defining fertilized egg blobs to be “persons.” The rest of you humans, fuck off! Enjoy your lifelong destiny as poverty-stricken uninsured criminal slobs. In addition to banning all abortions and certain types of birth control, the vaguely-worded amendment would also outlaw in-vitro fertilization, which is oh, a little weird considering that Mississippi “personhood” leader Brad Prewitt’s kids were the result of this common medical procedure.
From Salon:
“It just seems so unfair that you got your two children and now you’re taking the rights (away) for others,” said Cristen Hemmins yesterday.
Hemmins, the most visible face of the movement to defeat Mississippi’s now-notorious Personhood Amendment, heading for a close vote today, was talking to Brad Prewitt. He’s the campaign director charged with passing the initiative, which defines life as beginning at fertilization. He’s also a father through in-vitro fertilization, which fertility specialists say Initiative 26 would make practically impossible.
“Nothing’s fair,” Prewitt replied, according to a recording, and walked away.
Prewitt is the perfect representative for why the grim little anti-choice goblins are insufferable, because this is an issue that is forever and ever about what other people choose to do and the gaggle of righteous idiots feeling like they deserve to have an opinion about it. “Do as I say, not as I do” according to American Jesus, etc. [Salon]
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“Never mind what I told you, you do as I tell you.”
–W. C. Fields
When they came for the IUD, I said nothing, because I used birth control pills….
I guess this means if you use an IUD, you can't travel to Mississippi. Which is a shame. Wait, no.
It won't be long before the only legal contraception in Mississippi is ass-fucking.
That's the Wonkette spirit!
You're on to something there…
That’s sodomy! But mules are another matter.
Just ask Neal Horsley.
The Cletus and Twylas of Ol' Miss go to filtering Cletus' junk through a sock. And that explains a lot, if ya stop and think about it.
ringworm at conception = Skoal Rebelz
"In days of old, when knights were bold,
And rubbers weren't invented,
They wrapped a sock around their cock,
That's how babies were prevented."
Well, we've already pretty much brought back feudalism in 'Mur'ca, haven't we?
You *do* know that ass-fucking is *very* popular with Christian teens for exactly this reason, right? RIGHT?
Dan Savage said so.
Teen ass-fucking?
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ask Danny, dood. I just tells it like I reads it in Teh Stranger.
"I'm from State College, Penn., and I'm here to help".
(& has Vegas pulled the line on when Santorum blames the Sandusky scandal on the gays?)
"It won't be long before the only legal contraception in Mississippi is ass-fucking."
Well, that, and being able to outrun your father and brothers.
Needs more blimps.
(Works here too).
There are already plenty of blimps in Ole Miss. Just go to any bagger rally.
Or Walmart
ATTN Bristol.
“how fucking backasswards can Mississippi possibly be?”
Don't we already know – I mean Haley Barbour anyone?
None. None more backasswards.
ippississiM?
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I think the reversed-rectum litmus paper just went the kind of shade that indicates a ph of 0.00001 on the "thick as pigshitometer"
No more invitro for Missasloppy? Guess they will just have to go back to their usual way of conceiving, 13 year-old girls and 42 year-old men.
That's how they do it in Utah…
True, but in Mississippi, they generally do it one at a time.
And now that Berlusconi's out of a job he's volunteered his services.
How long before men jacking off is considered mass murder of million of spermies?
Never.
See also: cure rates of prostate cancer v. breast cancer.
Are you trying to make some sort of "point" here? Are you wondering why Big Pharma had no trouble finding a cheap, no-side-effects cure for Middle-Age-Limp-Dick Syndrome, but can only devise endless, expensive "treatments" for breast cancer that extract all possible revenue before letting the patient die? Are you implying that Big Med is run by old guys who care more about their problems and their profits than they do about human welfare?
Cuz it's all true.
Or a gal has a period when she shoulda got preggers and not wasted that egg.
Or when she dies with her 40,000 eggs still intact.
Michele Duggar is doing her part. She's expecting her 20th kid. No wasted eggs from that walking uterus.
To be fair, the state realized it needed an incentive program to get it's drunk hillbillys to fuck their heinously obese hovercraft bound wives/sisters. I mean, if they don't keep producing kids in Mississippi who will they execute? Amirite?
Texans?
Urbans?
He’s also a father through in-vitro fertilization, which fertility specialists say Initiative 26 would make practically impossible.
Secretly, Brad Prewitt realizes that everything a "Brad Prewitt" has done is monstrous.
He's just trying to save us from himselves.
~
fertilized egg blobs
Mmmmmmm – breakfast.
L`eggo of my fertilized, made in a test tube, womb with a view, eggo.
Ew, blastocysts! It's got cyst right in the name, gross!
Delicious with ketchup.
My idea of a terrific breakfast is tobiko nigiri uzura – flying fish roe on sushi rice wrapped in toasted seaweed and topped with raw quail egg.
You can keep cracking the little fish eggs in your teefs for hours.
"You can keep cracking the little fish eggs in your teefs for hours."
Wow!
It's like some wonderful tasty bubble wrap!
Kind of. I like the little popping noises they make, and they contain two of my favourite food groups: fat and salt. Fun for the unemployed!
Enjoy your lifelong destiny as poverty-stricken uninsured criminal slobs.
We love it when you talk dirty like that!
~
Mississippi is defining blastocysts to be persons, while denying personhood to anyone without a penis; they really want to go back to the 1800s.
In a horrible way, that is absolutely perfect.
They might suddenly find they believe in science, should science come up with a way to tell them which blastocysts will end up sporting wood one day.
If you must study science to use a microscope and you can't tell if an egg is fertilized without using a microscope, problem solved.
Something something something, 3/5ths of a person 1800s?
Yeah, something something something very much like that.
Blastocysts and corporations are people. The rest of you are animals.
"go back"? That state never left.
This isn't over yet, soon every missed opportunity for conception will be treated as a crime scene. No sweat sock unturned…
After all, every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great, if a sperm is wasted, god gets quite irate…
Damn, beat me…….
Why I could put a french tickler on my John Thomas should I so desire….
As she popped another out standing before the stove.
God that was hilarious.
I'm sure the Coroner's Offices are going to love having to investigate every miscarriage in the state.
Miscarriage? Every menstruation is a crime scene.
Oh oh owning Astroglide could become a crime
In 2000, the Mississippi state legislature introduced a bill to make it illegal for a male customer to have an erection at a strip club even if he is fully dressed. With appropriate citation – Lamm, Steven, M.D. 2005. The Hardness Factor. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.
They're going to be examining a whole lotta panties. About one in three pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and that's only the ones that have gotten far enough along to be noticed. A lot of ova fail to implant at all.
I seem to remember that they do this in El Salvador(?), and also that it didn't work out so well for them. But maybe I'm misremembering anaconda Teh Oldz.
It still is. Women with ectopic pregnancies have to dangerously wait for it to rupture to get it treated. Women are chattel, babies are all the infant Christ, dontchaknow.
Pretty shitty way to treat the nice ladypeople who bring us into the world, love us till we're grown enough to deal, and see to our comfort and happiness for the rest of our natural lives.
And with 7 billion humans and rapidly dwindling food and water supply, you'd think babies (human) would be treated as evidence of a planet-destroying carcinoma, which is all humans are, really.
"They're going to be examining a whole lotta panties."
*knock knock*
Open the door! It's Sgt. Sphincter of the Babby Patrol.
*looks*
I don't like the looks of this clot, Ma'am. I'm afraid we're going to confiscate it and take it in to the lab.
But how is babby … wait, never mind.
What choice did Brad Prewitt have aside from IVF? I mean, who in the world of Mississippi would fuck him?
Well, aside from Herman Cain, of course.
But he wouldn't pay for it.
"who in the world of Mississippi…"
I think you just answered you own question there.
Also, Mississippi banned stork hunting, which has become a sort of wedge issue with many of the state's gun-toting pro-lifers.
Pro-lifers wielding tools designed just to kill stuff? As part of their God-given right to wield the Devil's Invention?
The more I drink, the more this makes sense!
Someone needs to shoot that bird before he shows up for that poor Duggar woman again.
We reached the 7 Billion people mark on good old Planet Earth. Who knew that half of them would have the last name, Duggar.
Seriously, that thing has to be so worn out that Joe can't be getting any sexual pleasure from sticking it in. He has to be jacking off and just letting his load fall into it.
Was Duggar the name of the hillbilly at the beginnning of Idiocracy?
Oh, I don't think the stork that was fetchin' for the Duggars is even alive any more. I think they just have a truck drive all the way up Mrs. Duggar's cooter to unload the next one.
Too late – she's pregnant with number 20.
But inbreeding is still OK?
Its encouraged.
It's preferred.
It's what's for dinner.
It's nearby.
It's the LAW.
It's relatively boring……
Keep it in the family.
Keep running little sister. Don't look back 'til you see the Massachusetts border.
As I heard in GTAIII once, "Mah mother's mah sister!!"
New (or old?) Mississippi license plate slogan: "My Cousin, My Wife"
Candy is dandy but Incest is best
Ogden Nash rolls a weary, bug-et eyeball at YOU, Miss.
Vice is nice, but incest is best.
Forget it, Jake; it's Rednecktown.
"But inbreeding is still OK?"
OK? It's mandatory.
You know you else said "nothing’s fair,” and walked away?
Marie Antoinette?
Dick Cheney, during a hunting trip?
Joe Walsh's girlfriend?
(the rocker, not the asswipe politician – duh!)
Charlotte?
Mad Max?
Rhett Butler?
Jesus?
Gen. Sherman?
Joe Paterno, to a raped little boy?
+1 Too Soon
Christ! TEN years old. That poor kid.
Jack Stuef?
That girl Glenn Beck raped and murdered, right before he raped and murdered her (or in whatever order he did it)?
Allegedly! He hasn't denied it, in any case.
Charles Krauthammer?
Herman Cain in 3.. 2… 1…
George Bush to a Vietnam veteran.
Yeah. I'd buy that.
Umpire Jim Joyce?
My mom, when I whined too much?
I think JFK did, actually.
Colonel Klink?
Wm. S. Burroughs?
Henry Higgins?
Just you wait.
David Caruso?
Jimmy Carter?
Dammit Wonkette…How can we snark while Herman Cain is on the teevee squirming…where is the dang liveblog thingy??
Fuck it, I'll do it:
Cain: "They lied. My wife says I am a good guy. No quitting."
"Agreement and Settlement are not the same thing…"
"There will be others who come out because some people don't want me in the White House"
"I will take a lie detector test if there is a reason for me to"
"To the best of my recollection, I did no wrong"
FOX: "Is this a Democrat conspiracy against you?"
Cain: "It ain't fair."
Us: "Nothing's fair."
Polygraphs don't work all that well if you believe what you're saying to be the truth, and he seems to be the kind of guy to firmly believe that they truly were asking for it.
"I will take a lie detector test if there is a reason for me to"
Holy shit.
What reason could there possibly be?
That's the beauty. The cynicism is breathtaking.
"I will take a lie detector test if there is a reason for me to"
Ok…here's the machine. Let's hook you up.
"There's no reason. I didn't do anything wrong."
And the fact that SIX women and THREE witnesses are alleging that I did means less than nothing to me, pfft!
His arrogance is beyond belief.
"To the best of my recollection, I did no wrong" is not the same as "I did no wrong." Ahh, Herman Cain, just tweet someone a dick pick. You know you want to.
I especially liked the part where his pants caught on fire.
FOX: "Is this a Democrat conspiracy against you?"
Are you kidding? Our plans are crumbling around us! It was the Demoncrat's plan to make Cain the nominee!
a constitutional amendment defining fertilized egg blobs to be “persons.”
But what about the corporations? Shouldn't they be declared to be "persons" once some 1%er comes up with a new business scheme?
Won't somebody *please* think of the corporations?!?
Can corporations have abortions? Can we make that illegal? Ideas?
Large corporations like Bank of America and Exxon are abortions.
Get the corporations and the fetuses mad at each other, so they go to war?
You see, Callyson, when two corporations love each other very much…
A corporation is a person. A fertilized egg is a person. Therefore, every fetus is incorporated, and can contribute unlimited amounts to political campaigns.
Open casket calling hours for my tampon this month. Donations in the form of cash to alleviate my grief would be appreciated, but a nice flower arrangement would work, too.
Win.
I think I'll go into the very-tiny graveyard business in Mississippi. You could pack a lot of those cig-pack sized coffins into five acres of hard Mississippi red clay. Blessed by the preacher of your choice, of course (for a fee).
And baptized by some Mormons on their Mission.
Hell, you think I can't offer anti-Mormon lining on the those tiny coffins? It's only a $25 upgrade; and worth twice that, easy! Highly recommended, my friend.
Shouldn't we mail 'em to the cops in Mississippi so they can have them tested to make sure there are no pre-babies stuck on there? Cuz if there is, they'll have to arrest us.
Isn't there something in some document we revere about self-incrimination? Best mail them anonymously.
I just checked. Nope, Second Amendment says nothing about that.
I am liking the idea of mailing used tampons to the cops in Mississippi, though.
Why don't they just designate women as property of either their husband or father and be done with it?
Husband/father = an overly optimistic level of hairsplitting for this state, methinks.
Or maybe pass a law stating that a woman is three-fifths of a person?
So… will they count as "populace"? Because this could mean extra federal cash for Mississippi.
I think they should count blastocysts as only 3/5 of a person for census purposes. It's been done before in those parts.
Sorry, but there are way too many fucking people on this planet… and many of them mistreated/unwanted as it is…
STOP IT!
So long Mississippi. We'll miss you in this century. Or not.
Snark aside, I really feel sorry and fear for the young women & girls of this so-called freedom loving nation. The Teahadist Ministers of Vice and Virtue are not nice people.
I think Mississippi missed the last three or four centuries.
Seriously. If the GOP ever gets control of all three branches of government, I'm moving to Sweden or something. At that point it's not ideological, it's for my own goddamn safety. I'm really not a fan of extrapolating current events to fascist dystopias, but I'm getting some serious Handmaid's Tale vibes from these people.
I miss Sverige…
yup
We're gonna have to start up that Underground Railroad for those folks once again.
I'm pretty sure Amtrak goes to Montreal.
Mississippi God Damn.
This guy has a couple in-vitro brats and has the gall to just tell people "life's not fair?"
Please, whatever anthropomorphic deity may be listening, let this guy's sad life end in hanging via umbilical cord.
Maybe a more fitting end would to be mistaken for an abortion doctor and getting offed by his own kind.
WAR FETUS was the best Sabbath album.
And this is a warblog, after all.
Missississippi to newborns: "You're on your own".
They'll have to pry my birth control pills out of my cold, dead hands.
They'll have to pry my vasectomy clips out of my cold dead scrotum..
This is so unfair against Mr. Prewitt. The law was well thought out. If a women wants to have IVF, she is bound and thrown into a local river. If she floats, she is not of good enough moral character, and will not be allowed to have IVF. However, if she drowns, she may have IVF.
The same goes for the use of IUDs and other forms of birth control the prevent the implantation of a few cells in the uterine wall. It is what God wants people!
BTW Herman is giving the most insane, ego-centric, narcissistic press-conference ever known to man.
That is setting one hellaciously high bar for a republican presidential candidate. This even tops Perry or Dame $arah? Wow, just wow, I can't wait to see the highlights reel on this one.
Blaming "the Democrat machine" and then when asked saying he has no proof? What a fucking maniac.
"I remember people who have made a positive impression on me."
I guess for him to remember, she would have had to blow him. So that's why harassment is so hard to prove!
He really doesn't know that it was Karl Rove?
Apparently not, even though Rove is ALL OVER the media yawping endlessly about how bad this looks for The Sperminator.
I honestly don't remember that woman…
because there were sooo many!
yeah prewitt, you're in a position to push through legislation that will worsen the lives of millions of people. no shit nothing's fair.
…banning all abortions and certain types of birth control.
That's just what this country needs: more people from Mississippi.
I guess that now is a good time to point out that pretty much every man has the ability to repopulate the entire world population by himself over the course of his life.
I'll also point out that we have man-portable weapons that can punch through multiple walls in a house and detonate in a specific room to ensure efficient obliteration of children with minimal loss of property value.
What I'm trying to say is in both cases, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
So, it all evens out, is what you're saying.
*does the math*
So, in another twenty years or so, the entire population of Mississippi will consist of four very heavily armed people.
Or a bunch of very heavy four-armed people.
Not to worry. The epidemic obesity alone should help …erm… thin the herd. As 'twere.
You know they're gonna tell y'all to hush up, this don't concern you…
Who you kiddin'? Jillian Michaels couldn't thin that herd.
It wouldn't surprise me if the entire country took a cue from the dumbest fucking state in the Union.
Bachmann/Fertilized Egg Blob 2012!
In related news, on the same ballot the voters overwhelming approve the execution of mentally handicapped defendants.
It's all in the timing.
It's all in the Master Plan.
"the execution of mentally handicapped defendants."
Doesn't choosing to live in Mississippi automatically make a person qualify for "mentally handicapped"?
Jeez, Tessiee, don't do that. Families with members who are mentally handicapped don't need this.
I could have made a joke there about "don't want to be compared to Mississipians," but that would have been as bad as what you said.
Please, just leave people with disabilities out of your discourse completely, since you can't be decent about us.
IVF is a thing to rage against now? What the what? It's got eggs and sperm and babies, conservatives' three favorite things (especially the sperm, if you get my meaning).
Seriously though, Jesus Christ, this country, etc. etc.
But it also relies on science. Bad! Bad!
The thing these yokels have against it is that some of the fertilized eggs don't get used.
In other words, when you toss that used petri dish, you're murdering beautiful, white, Christian baby souls!
Arguments like this are what caused me to think myself out of the mystical maze of my Catholic upbringing as a teenager. It just takes one or two really stupid points of doctrine to make you start questioning the whole ball of wax, no matter how thorough your training.
No kidding. I got into a fight with a nun over creationism in fourth grade. I told her that she was wrong, that Adam and Eve were an allegory, and that evolution was the ticket. She whacked me with a brass-edged ruler and sent me to Father, the principal, who called my dad. I thought my life was going to be over (hey, 4th graders tend to imagine the worst). My dad came in, took one look at my bleeding thumb, and almost decked the nun and the priest. I was in public school the next day, thank FSM!
A story with a happy ending!
I'm already so liking your Dad.
I was spared Catholic school because my Dad went to Catholic school.
Sometimes things work out.
Yeah, I got out of it cuz a nun slapped my mother and then LIED ABOUT IT. It has been over fifty years and my mother hasn't forgiven her yet.
By the time I *chose* Catholic school, I was in college and 99% of my nuns were great. But I'm deeply grateful to have been spared Catholic high school.
Yeah, I just went and read up on it. To think, all those eggs could have grown up to be denied health care! Now what will these assholes do? Deny tax monies for their OWN HOVEROUNDS? I THINK NOT.
I had a similar upbringing and exit experience with the Catholic church, by the way. That day when you realize you can't accept a single religious concept or teaching without immediately coming into conflict with either another teaching from the very same book or a basic physical law (usually both!), that's a good day in your life.
"…a veil has been lifted from my eyes."
"you realize you can't accept a single religious concept or teaching without immediately coming into conflict with either another teaching from the very same book"
"I've always obeyed the Bible, even the parts that contradict the other parts." — Ned Flanders
You know snowflakes ain't natchul in Mississippi, doncha?
Along with the frozen unused embryos that are thrown away, the dirty little secret of IVF and is "selective reduction". When a doctor thinks a woman might be a high risk for miscarriages, he/she implants multiple fetuses. If too many grow, he/she can go in and abort the extra ones so that the surviving ones have a better chance of going full-term and being healthy. To which I say…GOOD. One or two or three babies are stressful enough; no one can handle a litter and not lose their shit. But then, I'm not pro-choice, I'm pro-abortion. I think they are great. I think more people should have abortions….like Mrs. Duggar, anyone born again, the stars of Teen Mom, or God forbid any cast member of Jersey Shore should they procreate (although there is hope that the multiple STDs have sterilized them all).
Or any of the parents of the girls on Toddlers and Tiaras – that shit's really fucked up.
Good one. I forgot how horrific those parents are.
I like the way you think.
I define life as beginning when you can see the Mississippi state line sign in your rear-view mirror.
but then you'll enter Alabama,, which is not much of an improvement
Going west to Louisiana is no picnic either.
So the state will need to seize his IVF kids for medical experiments then? Nothing's fair, after all.
Prewitt's thinking: Fuck you I got mine… my kids… my brats… my ungrateful expensive brats… my time sucking needy expensive brats… my time sucking needy expensive fucking asshole brats…I hate my life.
well to be accurate, Fuck you i got mine is the official republican / conservative motto. I am hoping we will see the gold bubble burst soon and all these asshats that have "fled" to gold as an investment will be penniless.
So why doesn't the fertility clinic say that if the measure passes, they'll just get the remaining ova fertilized by Prewett out of deep freeze, put them in an insulated fedex package with some cooling material, and ship them to Prewett's house. He's the father of these lil' snowflake people, after all. He's responsible for raising them. And make sure you get a reliable electricity source for the special freezer, Mr. Prewett – I expect that the punishment for criminally negligent homicide is pretty severe in Mississippi. Especially if it's a dozen of your own children you've murdered. Happy fatherhood!
Or we could leave them in a paper bag on his porch, ignite them and ring the bell.
No no no, I prefer the long freeze with the wee ones haunting him from the freezer, forcing emergency measures when the power fails, calling out to him in his sleepless nights.
Hm, I see an updated edgar alan poe story here…
Fuck fetuses.
You have to wait until they're in the third trimester to do that legally in Mississippi.
So someone else here watched A Serbian Film?
I gave you an upfist, but I didn't feel right about it.
It's a rare film where just the Wikipedia plot summary is enough to make one sick, and want to punch everyone who made it.
Yeah, I haven't seen it, just collected bits of info from the comments on the AV Club (where it seems to get mentioned more than you would think it should be) and wiki.
You WATCHED that?
EW.
Actually, just (disgusted) reviews that included clips; but that's enough to make one despair. They're here and here if anyone is interested and wants to hate humanity.
In brighter news, it looks like the Ohio union-busting law has been killed.
No thanks. The necrophilia/pedophilia was more than I could handle. Ew.
Yes, Ohio, definitely good news!
For all we know, Herman Cain may have tried……
Ew, slimy.
Chop 'em up with a little pork, a little garlic, a pinch of sugar, some soy sauce. Much better.
I guess that means masturbation equals attempted murder.
Then I'm the greatest mass murderer in history.
Do you know WHO ELSE was the greatest mass murderer in history??
Pee Wee Herman?
Harry Palms?
Master Wang Pound, Fist of Fury?
Today , my gym sock is a jew oven.
Sheesh, there's so many contenders, it's hard to pick just one!
Consider how many spermatozoa are contained in one "load".
Genocide.
It'll be fun to see some moron from "The Fiftieth Best State" try to get the Hague to prosecute that one.
"But…but Dad..I wasn't masturbating I was, errr, polishing the Pontif"
That may be, but what have I told you about hanging out with Catholics?
Choking the chicken?
Bashing the bishop?
Rubbing the rector?
Pinching the parson?
C'mon, y'awl, use your ingenuity here!
?? I thought you KNEW that.
Billions and BILyuns of little Catholics destroyed before they can draw breath …
It's worse than that; the Book of Monty tells us Every Sperm is Sacred.
Look on the bright side: Mississippi boys will get to marry their cousins nine months sooner once the law goes in effect.
Fun facts: Nearly half of all conceptions fail naturally. So the good news is that 50% of the state will be criminalized. Nothing's fair, indeed.
2% of pregnancies are ectopic, that will be so much fun for the ER and OB docs — and the lawyers too!
I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that 50% of Mississippi's black, male population is already in prison anyway.
And performing unpaid labor for the state; the Mississippi white folks just want to get that back up to 100% again.
I did some googling because I was curious as to the answer to this, and the personhood wingnuts claim that existing laws already permit intervention in ectopic pregnancies. Now, I'm pretty sure we can take anti-abortion, anti-birth control, anti-ivf activists at their word, after all, who ever heard of those God-fearing folks of telling lies, or say, just for example, murdering someone, to further their political agenda? I mean, their religion tells them not to. It could never happen.
Also too, ectopic pregnancies, nuthin'. It's a bit rarer, but I used to work with a couple docs who specialized in GTN.
For lay folks, GTN is when an egg gets fertilized, heads down the tube, starts to implant in the uterus… and then decides it wants to grow up to be cancer. Fun, fun stuff.
Tasty!
Ah! Molar pregnancy, or the aftermath, rather. Interesting.
Hmmmm…strong in this one is the disconnect.
Welp, you can't spell Mississippi… without a miss.
And next on Mississippi's agenda will be The Handmaid's Amendment, assigning all attractive fertile young women to be official breeders for The Party's most powerful men.
Commander?
Fer Christ's sake … I know these re†arded religious cretins have been with us for ever, but what the hell's been happening that has them out from under the rocks and fucking with everyone else's lives all of a sudden?
There's a black man in the White House.
Hookworms?
You've been busy?
Like you wouldn't believe. There's been an epidemic of aggravated doing unto others in the first degree, and this Prewitt dimwit is a poster boy for the trend.
Isn't it time The Man Upstairs assigned you more minions, Biely? There's gotta be open headcount in the thousands, in your shop.
They believe The End is near. It's Clusterfuck's Last Stand.
They're loosing; besides a black man in the White House, the slow but steady increasing legalization of gay marriage – now supported by the majority of the population – shows that the Christofascists have lost the culture wars; so they're lashing out like crazy to try and stomp the secular, tolerant majority.
Don't forget the demographic changes. Fifty years ago, everything was white as far as their eyes could see. Then their kids grew up and found rainbow partners, and now we have all these multiculti kids and immigrants and Black folks becoming Presidents and whatnot, and it's just making 'em crazier 'n batshit.
So this is all my fault? It was like, only a couple white girls!!! Geez, so sensitive.
"what the hell's been happening that has them out from under the rocks and fucking with everyone else's lives all of a sudden?"
Slow week at "Sheets'n'Crosses R Us"?
At last there do way instain mother and these babby can frigth back!
But how is babby made?
Babby formed when gril git pragnit.
So it's the pragnut grils we need to watch out for. Good, ok, I think I can spot those.
And in other sex news (via BBC):
Italy's Berlusconi vows to resign
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi confirms he intends to step down after key austerity measures are passed.
Surely HE's not guilty of IVF!
No way Silvio's going to be the one to tell everybody they have to work five more years until they can retire.
Sperm goes in, baby comes out, never a miscommunication. Well…except for with this guy.
You COULD explain it, but then again, that might mean he made an end run around God's will…
Hypocrites gonna hyprocreate.
And every abortion is an unethical decision by a lazy murderer (just who you want raising kids!), except for those by conservatards and their own offspring. Bunch of self-righteous idiotic hypocrites. It's not OUR fault that your mother and her brother/husband were also cousins and that your feeble minds can't even grasp simple concepts.
The State Attorney General and his Miscarriage Police dress in white hoods and ride the countryside at night. When a home sheltering a problem pregnancy is encountered, they dismount and burn copies of the Bill of Rights, followed by a lynching party.
Luckily the good christian women of high society have nothing to worry about. Like Dick Cheney on a hunting trip, they can wave away any "investigation" and say it's a personal matter.
Those women who find themselves the target of gossip and accusations of loose morals, if they don't go to church every Sunday, they have much to worry about.
OT, but it looks like Berlusconi might be on the way out.
Sextard like him, did he get an offer from Penn State?
Berlusconi on the way in, Berlusconi on the way out. Never a misscuntmunication.
And, as is his wont, leaving the country well and truly fucked. Wonder what he'll leave on the nightstand.
I almost want this to pass so the federal courts can start bitch slapping these people. Almost.
We've had just three measly Wonkette postings on a high-scandal day. Other shoe? It's droppy-droppy-droppy-droppy-time-time!
Will we still be able to use the Lysol douche as birth control?
That will require a prescription from one of the 2 Planned Parenthoods in that shithole of a state.
Makes me proud to have voted to legalize Sunday booze sales in GA today. We're number 46! We're number 46!
You mean this guy?
The pro-forced pregnancy movement will never go bankrupt in ignorance and hypocrisy.
And isn't IVF all about getting past one of the ways biology can be unfair? It's like he's operating on whole different levels of hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness.
That'll be allright, send them Mississippi bitches on over here to Alabamastan. We inve, invatro, whatever-tha-fuck, breed them sows all the time already… There's only four skinny chicks in the whole damn State of Mississippi and them's all jail-bait.
Skoalrebel? Is that you?
OT, but Herman says he will absolutely, positively take a lie detector test, but only if it's necessary.
Grammar nerds, please help with this.
Maybe this is what happened: He embarked on the sentence full of righteous indignation and certainty of his rectitude, and then realized, "Aw, fuck, I might have to actually do it!" and corrected course before getting to the subordinate clause. Pretty nice work, and consistent with his stance on abortion.
I say something similar all the time: "Yes, I'll vote Republican. But only if it's necessary. And only if you put a gun to my head."
This is the kudzu crown of creation. Douchenozzles, one and all.
Best Jefferson Airplane album after "After Bathing at Baxter's."
I see this as a glowing institutionalized endorsement of Butt Sex.
Yep, my partner and I got to vote on Initiative 26 today. And I'm pretty sure I offended the dear, grandmotherly-type poll worker this morning by asking her if I could write in "FUCK NO" on my ballot.
Ye Gods, you live in Mississippi? Texas looks pretty tame by comparison!
"What part of 'I'm in fucking power and you're not, maggot, so you will do as I say until I say something else and then you will do that until you die, you shit eating festering bitches' do you not understand?"
So, Prewitt, eh? Any relation to the Half-Witt Family…what about the Wittless family. Oh fuck yeah, they're all inbred down there.
Bill Hick's Gray Gym Sock: Mississippi, this is your moment.
It's been a while since the last debate (though you could argue not long enough).
Can we haz liveblog plz???
And in other still more sex news (via NY Times):
A Second Accuser Goes Public Against Cain
Karen Kraushaar, one of the two women who settled sexual harassment claims against Herman Cain with the National Restaurant Association, spoke publicly for the first time on Tuesday about her allegations against Mr. Cain, the Republican presidential candidate.
She said she did not know whether or how she might tell more of her story, but had been warming “to the idea of a joint press conference where all of the women would be together with our attorneys and all of this evidence would be considered together.”
Update from Politico: Herman Cain predicted that more women would “probably” come forward to accuse him of sexual harassment – though not, he quickly added, because he’s guilty of that charge.
Bastard harassed me, too!
Yes, they're only coming forward because they don't have anything ELSE to do but expose themselves and their families to all kinds of vile obnoxious public defamation and harassment.
What the fuck with these goddamn people? You're trying to outlaw abortion, birth control and IVF?!?! But, but, the motherfuckin' Duggars are having their 20th child. Did y'all somehow miss the news that last week the 7 billionth person was added to this planet? I know that's a lot of zeros for you dumbfucks to comprehend but come on, way to keep the shit-fer-brains southern stereotype alive and well.
Ah, but Pat Buchanan would counter the coloredz are the ones having the babies, not enough whites are procreating!
Instructions for finding a virgin in the south:
1.) Find a girl who can outrun her father and her brothers….
As we all know, "The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion"
Abortions tickle!
Hippo-Crissi Queen, If you know what I mean
Hippo-Crissi Queen, He thought of everything
While the rest of us dudes were'a gettin' our kicks,
Prewitt, beg your pardon, now he's gettin' his!
Yeah, Hippo-Crissi Queen!
so is telling him to go fuck himself apt?
Goddammit these are the same shits that blew their fucking top when Octomom had all her fucking embryos implanted in her. No fucking regard for the fetuses in that case. It was just nonstop bitching about what a disturbed leech this woman was for having so many babies and what a cost to society she was creating. Hypocritical pieces of shit!
Well, in all fairness, OctuPussy was a Muslin, yaknow.
(I know she wasn't, but they thought she was, which is the point, isn't it?)
Next year's Mississippi census should be interesting.
Um, Mr. Pre-witt, the quote is, "Life is unfair". Some things should be fair…at least people who don't have the misfortune of living in your shity little state believe so.
I'm still trying to understand how this works from Prewitt's point of view. The clinic must have fertilized dozens of ova. Only a few would have been used for attempted implantation. So there were a bunch left over. Now either they were discarded (with Prewitt's complete foreknowledge) or they are still in deep freeze. So by Prewitt's standards, he is either an accessory to the murder of dozens of his own little children, or he's a spectacularly negligent father who should shoulder his responsibilities to the little snowflake people right away. I wonder which it is. Someone should ask him. Repeatedly.
These morons would have him share that fatherhood award with Joe Walsh.
Haha, today Walsh is busy shouting threats at his constituents. I get the feeling his fatherhood award will soon be rusting on a mantel shelf next to his Congressional ID.
Prewitt's narrow eurethra and low motility "swimmers" made him a virtual eunuch.
His decision to deny the others in his state the same opportunity makes him a douchebag…
If only he'd stayed in his job at the propane dealership.
If passed it will head directly to a judicial arena. What a waste of tax $$$ if they pass this because it most certainly will be overturned.
If passed, will they register all of the fetuses as Republicans and re-district around them?
And this creates jobs how?
Why would you ever want to prevent a Mississipi blastocyst from being born — they're all so awesome!
Prewitt has got to be the biggest dick in Mississipee…"Nothing is fair". what a cok
Angry War Fetus pic is the greatest artistic achievement EVAH!
Sitcom pitch: Feral Child from Road Warrior and Angry War Fetus team up to survive in post-apocalyptic wasteland. Humorous hijinks ensue.
Don't ever play frisbee with those little bastards!!
I loved Feral Child. The crawling out on the hood of the truck scene gets me every time. (I'm not gonna scream, I'm not gonna scream, I'm not gonn – SCREEEEEEEE!)
"Sitcom pitch: Feral Child from Road Warrior and Angry War Fetus team up to survive in post-apocalyptic wasteland. Humorous hijinks ensue."
Needs moar Bat Boy.
Bat Boy would certainly round out the team. But we need a love interest…
Next law will state that personhood ends at birth. After birth we are to become mindless worker drones deserving no rights whatsoever. Yay for the future!?
Nice picture of Rush at the World Famous EIB Microphone.
"…and everybody knows about Mississippi. God damn."
I think Nina Simone would just shrug and say, 'white people are stupid.'
I love when Nina Simone sings that.
And God blessed Prewitt with micro-penis, forcing him to impregnate his wife by swishing their juices around in a dish and flushing a couple dozen blastocysts up her hoo-hah to see if they could get any of 'em to stick.
Once again God shows his/her eminent sense of fairness.
Why d'YOU think the li'l bastid is so mean and angry alla time?
Don't know about fertilized eggs.
Pretty sure adult homosexuals and the poor are persons, though.
No way! Not in the Republican Handbook!
Ha ha, you lost.
Great news from KY, ME, and OH as well!
"Great news from KY, ME, and OH as well!"
Would that be KY the jelly, ME the person, and OH the happy ending?
I'd love to get all snarky, but really, all I want to say is,
What a cunt.
I will assist in this endeavour.
I pledge my shovel.
http://news.yahoo.com/miss-defeats-life-conceptio…
Uh, guyz, looks like the folks in Mississippi voted this down.
This shit didn't even fly in Missi – freaking – ssippi…
For once, the world doesn't actually suck.
Good thing, I was going to have to move my sperm back to a local, community bank!
YES!
And Haley Blubour "struggled with" the ambiguity and unintended consequences, but voted for it anyway.
Because he's a fucking coward, the slug bastard.
I've got a BBQ that could be used to rapidly oxidize any 'inconvenient' items.
Rank hypocrisy is neither a "little weird" nor surprising when it comes to the GOP. Hell, rank hypocrisy is just about the only thing they do well.
That, and bullying the weak and helpless.
Uh, the "obese, illiterate citizens of Mississippi" rejected the amendment. The citizens of Alabama were also not so interested in the third-place finishers in the Republican Ag commissioner and Governor's races as the Wonkette.
We have corrupt idiots in politics, but they don't generally rank with the Michele Bachmanns and some of the California asshats.
I'll bring the beers. And my high morale boosting energy.
Спасибо, Comrad!
Youtube that recording and make it so we may all laugh/cry.
Somebody beat me to it. My version's slightly different, but this one's worth it just to see her laughing and smiling. Go Limp, by Nina Simone. She does Mississippi Goddam! right after, but it's not on this clip.
What a great clip! thank you for sharing it :)
You're welcome! I think it's from the album I Put A Spell On You.
This is the version I have on the Pod. You can hear that sexy, sexy laugh when she says "I forgot the next … last verse. I forGOT it!" And then later when she's singing the line "And before she had time to remember her brick," and she just breaks down into giggles. What a lovely, talented lady.
"In addition to banning all abortions and certain types of birth control, the vaguely-worded amendment would also outlaw in-vitro fertilization"
This is clearly insane. Everyone knows that doing anything that results in *fewer* babbys (abortion, birth control, sex education) is a horrible, horrible sin that goes against Gawd's will and makes Baby Jesus cry; whereas doing anything that results in *more* babbys (fertilization, millions of dollars worth of medical care for Cletus and Brandine's 20th child, etc.) is okey-dokey.
Wait, is you in Seattle-ish?
Sorry, that "nc, MM" stuff ain't my kink.
Ai moist soitinly is not. We not-Seattlers can read Danny too, yaknow.
In fact, for years, "Hey, Faggot!" was my sole link to the turmoil of Faggotland.
Oh, OK. Was worried that perhaps I was married to you.
Well, you *could* be. Are you a mathematician and UNIX geek? Or a writer/photographer documenting chemical databases for system administrators and end-users?
No. I'm a blogger (hangs head in shame).
Whew! Well, at least you're not THOSE two.
I guess we're NOT married. Not that I wouldn't shamelessly flirt with you and stuff, but I'm so relieved.
So, like, what's the blog? I mean, you know, just in case I wanted to slither over for a closer look.
Ha! Like I'd reveal my identity here, after talking about all of my abortions and anal sex parties, and anal abortions and whatnot.
Awright, awright, awreddy. Tell it to the political cat (oneword) at gmail dot com.
Anal abortions, huh? I'll be checking YOUR timeline any second now, Missy.
Are you black?
Are you brown?
Are you multiculti?
Is your name Barack H. Obama?
If you answered yes to any of the above, then, yes, it's all your fault.
Fuck, do you have Gloria Alred's or Alan Dershowitz's number?
Otherwise I'm getting the chair. Damn shame Johnny Cochran is dead and gone
Sorry, no. But it *has* been nice knowing you.
"Viagra? No problem! Birth control? Get lost, slut!" — Tom Tomorrow
Get over here to the live blog, tessiee.http://wonkette.com/455923/liveblogging-the-we-all-hate-herman-cain-now-gop-debate#idc-coverYou’re needed!
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