The babes of Paultardlandia, all (four) of them, have banded together to bring us a campy Xmasween Ron Paul calendar. It is an amazingly weird and wild libertarian mix of scantily-clad ladies, furries, vampires and flags (plus the sexxxy Photoshopped cover below) for America’s freedom-loving fappers! Here are some of the crazy photos, go clicky click!

[’s Business Daily; thanks to Wonkette operative “Monsieur Grumpe”]

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  • Barb

    Ick, I wouldn't do any of these chicks with Neilist's male member.

  • Come here a minute

    Herman Cain is so jealous. These Lady Paultards 'want the job'.

    • TitsOccupado

      Ron Paul knows where the white women at.

  • ApplesauceRobot


    Hillary's going to be pissed.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more blimps.

    • iburl

      So does my crotch after looking at these pics.

  • Woman on the far left either "had it comin'" or "fell down the stairs." Gotta explain those shiners somehow.

    • DaRooster

      She is the delegate from Topeka…

    • MaxNeanderthal

      That's a woman? Ladyboy libel!!

  • SorosBot

    I'd like to pin up them, if you know what I mean.

    Oh wait, no I wouldn't; maybe the redhead, but the others no.

    • McRibzgood

      He really scraped the bottom of the Ayn Rand barrel.

      • SorosBot

        Considering how the Libertarian community is dominated by (outrageously sexist) men, it's probably one of those areas like Comic-Con where any woman who isn't hideous gets treated as if she's gorgeous, giving them a rather inflated view of their attractiveness. These women probably think they're all hot, but 3/4 of them are just plain plain.

        • McRibzgood

          They're last call galz for sure!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I went home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2…

          • DaRooster

            Shit… I am always so wore out at the end of gigs.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Works the same for Western women in Afghanistan, Iraq, the Falklands, and most other various and sundry war zones. That's one thing my father's wars had over the ones these days: hot Asian and Australian chicks on R&R.

          • GOPCrusher

            That's why they were The Greatest Generation.

        • Given that men outnumber women by 2,000 to 1 in the "Libertarian community" or rather, the Libertarian association of singletons, it's hardly surprising that they treat the few women in their midst as a scarce commodity. THEY ARE! Those boys have NEVER dipped their dick in a pretty girl (and, mostly, not in a pretty boy, either) and they are desperate and irate about their desperation, and it all comes off as misogyny.

          Give me the wild and crazy wimmin of the leftie liberal side any day. They know what they want, and mostly what they want is to feel good, and if you're along for the ride, you'll be feeling pretty damn good yourself, in short order, as long as you don't try to boss 'em around. Wimminz who like sex are always hotter than those who think it's a commodity to trade.

    • Beowoof

      Bring some milk bones and they will be eating out of your hand.

    • gullywompr

      Except for the fact that they're fans of a crazy grandpa, they all look perfectly adequate to me.

      Come on guys, you know you would. You're all Wonketteers, fercrissakes – stop trying to convince us that you have standards or something.

      • Hey hey, "as long as she's breathing" is a standard.

        • flamingpdog

          "I'm sorry, we don't serve necroes here."

      • SorosBot

        The "Ron Paul fan" part automatically puts them into "hell no unless they're really hot / I'm really desperate" territory, though. There's something about being in a cult that promotes outrageously selfish and anti-human policies that's a real turn-off, at least for me.

        • Funny, innit? I just can't get hot for Sarah or one-L or Joe Walsh, or any of those other yobs. And it has everything to do with their meanness and nothing to do with their looks.

      • You so crazy, gullywompr!

  • Troglodeity

    I'm waiting for the Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Victim calendar. They're up to June already.

    • That's gonna have TWO pix for every WEEK.

    • Negropolis

      They're up to June and still have Krystal, Kandy, Licorice, Mercedes, Shampain, and Strawberry left.

      • HuddledMass

        Jeebus, where did you get those names? No, no, don't answer that….

  • slithytoves

    That's just wrong.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Awesome. Christmas shopping done.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      I hope you didn't, it only encourages them. Next thing you know, they're running for Senate or what the hell, right for the White House.

  • CapnFatback

    I hear Ms. Rand herself is Miss Smarch.

    • AnAmericanInTO

      Lousy Smarch weather.

    • flamingpdog

      Smarch Madness in Texas! WOOT, WOOT!!1!

  • For reallz Sumo-sized blimps or GTFO.

  • OccupytheDashboard


    What's Ron Jeremy Paul signing…settlement checks? Also, whyare the women dressed in hot (?) and modern outfits while Ron is dressed as a foppish, dissipated English poet…or the bass player from Paul Revere and the Raiders?

    • poncho_pilot

      because Ron Paul found out kicks just keep getting harder to find?

    • Limeylizzie

      The lead guitarist from Paul Revere and the Raiders was my seatmate on a flight from NYC to Chicago a couple of months ago.

      • poncho_pilot

        that's awesome in a way, even if he's probably like 70.

        • Limeylizzie

          I would think he was about mid-60s, he was so sweet very nice and a total Progressive! We talked Wonkette, actually.

      • OccupytheDashboard

        Does he still play?

        • Limeylizzie

          Yes, they were touring the mid-West, he was so nice, sort of nerdy, was reading his Kindle and chatting away to me , he has been with them since the mid-60s, he said.

          • OccupytheDashboard

            See, that's what I love about being a musician.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Good God. I probably saw him play once at a freshman mixer.

          • poncho_pilot

            jealous. all of those '60s bands i've been into for years that were past their prime before i was born…and i'm not one for casinos and festivals. i had about 8 good years of popular and indie music to live to see in the '90s and then it all went to shit again. if only i'd been born in 1948 instead of 1978. then i'd be making the same comment about how awful '70s music was.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      needs more laudanum…

  • CapnFatback

    This is a perfect gift for the dude who sees women as little more than objectivism.

    • iburl

      I bet at least one of these aged pin-ups could put the Rash in Rational Self-Interest.

  • Pinnups?????

    Looks more like bus depot hookers to me.

    • TitsOccupado

      Not if you consider the role Gigi Rice played on the John Larroquette Show.

      • emmelemm

        Obscure TV reference FTW.

      • SorosBot

        Now that was a great show – for the first season. Then the network made them turn the show lighter and more mainstream, as illustrated by her quitting hooking to become a bartender, and it got dull.

      • OccupytheDashboard

        I loved that show.

      • TitsOccupado

        Gawd, we're fucking olde.

        • Yes. Yes, you are.

          Buncha fucking geriatric old-timer Depends-wearing crabby old curmudgeon motherfuckers.

          But yer still younger than ME!

      • AnAmericanInTO

        I have a Laroquette Show crew jacket that I swiped through nefarious means years ago. Huge fan.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Daytime hookers.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "I even showed him my good boob!"

    • Negropolis

      Scores B-squad hookers? You mean the ones with the bullet wounds and C-section scars?

  • Not_So_Much

    Megs McCain does not look great in this shot. Maybe add an elephant?

  • SorosBot
    • Too bad, I was hoping for a Berlusconi – Cain Summit meeting at one of those Amsterdam bondage clubs.

    • LetUsBray

      Ah, has the last bunga been bungaed?

      Or is Ronnie Paul drawing up plans for his own bunga bunga do in that pic up top?

    • TitsOccupado

      Death by bunga bunga?

      • not that Dewey

        He was devoured by the gnocca dentata.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's going to hang with GOP staffers in Annapolis.

      • Oh, that's rough … wait, you said bang?

        Oh. Never mind.

    • Guppy

      This actually surprises me. I figured that, after surviving a sex scandal with an undocumented, underaged immigrant prostitute, he'd bluster his way through anything.

      FORZA GNOCCA! He will be missed.

      Actually how's his English? Might be able to find him a place in the GOP…

      • Once he got on the wrong side of the bondholders it was all over for Mr. Bunga Bunga.

        • Guppy

          He could always have renegotiated the bonds so that they're payable in underaged hookers.

    • Thank you! Just earlier today the swine was equivocating his ass off about resigning.

  • Schmannnity

    Case closed. Ron Paul is a breast man.

  • Schmannnity

    Ron Paul and eight boobs. It sounds like an ad for the next debate.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or simply "Nine Boobs," if you're into the whole brevity thing.

  • Mahousu

    Those outfits look like the kinds of things we always have left over at the church yard sale – even when we knock the prices down to a nickel.

    • They look like they were the losing entries in a high school Michael Jackson costume contest.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, what kind of church do you go to? lol Our Lady of the Blessed Cleavage?

      • Mahousu

        Yeah, well, you know who else hung around prostitutes.

        Oh, wait, it's supposed to be a question: You know who else hung around prostitutes?

  • SexySmurf

    Hey fellas, for $23 you can order a Pin Ups 4 Ron Paul Shirt with the words "Talent Scout" emblazoned over it, just in case you need to ensure that no woman in her right mind will ever fuck you.

    • DahBoner

      Birf Kontrol!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Fuck that, I'll keep my "Federal Breast Inspector" T-shirt.

      • Or the "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look" one.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Herman Cain sez that he would pay to do the sex with these ladies.

    • HistoriCat

      Free Market in action!

  • Indiepalin

    So THAT'S why pot should be legal…!

  • HempDogbane

    We're lonely, we're romantic
    And the cider's laced with acid
    And the holy spirit's crying, 'where's the beef?

    • TitsOccupado

      That. Was. Beautiful.

    • OccupytheDashboard

      Cohen quote FTW.

  • Lucidamente1

    Nice of him to include Sharon Bialek there on the right.

  • It could have been worse. It could have been all Ron Paul pictures like…

    Ron Paul bending over with a Herman Cain-like grin.

    Ron Paul in a Speedo pulling the plug on some uninsured Democrat.

    Ron Paul laying down in a huge pile of gold coins with some strategically placed coins covering his naughty bits.

    Ron Paul style striptease which involves removing his eyebrows.

    And so on…

    • DaRooster

      WTF?!? Is this my new diet plan?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Oh Jesus. That is so hawt that I may just have a dry-heave climax.

  • Goonemeritus

    Snark off- When Ron finally shuts this train to nowhere down what the hell are these supporters going to do. The stuff that attracts them is not even given lip service in the Republican or Democratic Party. I’m old enough to remember how both parties rushed to bring the Ross Perot followers into the tent. Do we have a ”legalize it” plank to look forward to out of Romney or perhaps an Obama Blimp?

    • LetUsBray

      '”legalize it” plank to look forward to out of Romney'

      Willard may possibly come out in favor of legalizing Diet Coke if he feels a need to tack back to the center for the general election.

    • Radio99%

      It's not unlike when you checked Gore-Lieberman or Kerry-Edwards a few years ago.

    • The stuff that attracts them is not even given lip service in the Republican or Democratic Party.

      Not sure what you mean as there is plenty of casual racism in the Republican Party.

      • Fare la Volpe

        "Rational self-interest," you mean.

        • I have seen Paultards on Stormfront actually phrase it just like that. Sometimes, the jokes are depressing because they are true.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The horror! The horror!

  • McRibzgood

    What the fuck is with the gorilla????? Zoophilia for FREEDOMZ!!!!!!!!!

    • BigDumbRedDog

      I think that's supposed to be Obama. Remember who we're dealing with here.

    • I thought it was a reference to how they "handle" you and your luggage.
      (Was there an ad, back in the day…?)

  • widestanceshakedown

    Paul's face didn't look that smooth when he signed the Constitution.

  • Pragmatist2

    It's "pinups" for Paul and "pin downs" for Cain.

  • HempDogbane

    And I miss you since the place got wrecked
    By the winds of change and the weeds of sex
    Looks like freedom but it feels like death
    It's something in between, I guess

    • OccupytheDashboard

      Another Cohen quote FTW!

      "Looks like freedom but it feels like death "

      This pretty much sums up the times, I think.

      • HempDogbane

        Leonard anticipated most everything. That looking at the photo brings to immediate mind lyrics from Closing Time is some kind of weird.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Porntastically skanky skanks are skanky.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I've seen slightly better looking crack whores.

      • widestanceshakedown

        I've seen slightly better looking whore cracks (not really).

  • CapnFatback

    DD is DD!

  • DaRooster

    Needs more Pearl Necklaces…

  • PuckStopsHere

    Why is Ron Paul also wearing womens' clothing?

    • OccupytheDashboard

      Reminds me of a joke:

      A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

      She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

      Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

      She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

      He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

      For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

      The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

      One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.

      He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

      She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

      "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

      "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

      "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

      "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

      "Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

      Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Ohhh, is Brüno going to be in it somewhere?

    • widestanceshakedown

      That's what he said.

  • GOPCrusher

    The redhead also does fetish photos under the handle of Red XXX, or so I've heard.

  • HempDogbane

    Mona Lisa smiles, with teeth. Run, Ron, run !

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I understand that Conservatives have problems with doing comedy and porn right, but, come on, if there is anything to be said for Libertarianism, there should at least be some nudity and pot smoking.

  • emmelemm

    Let Ron Paul be Ron Paul.

  • DaRooster

    The one on his left is a "Rebel-Rouser"?

    Psst… Herm has a "L'il Rebel"… oh, I guess his is a little repelling…

    • PubOption

      "Rebel-Rouser"? Will she have Skoal Rebel fapping into his spit cup, while shouting "The South will rise again"?

      • "Skoal Rebel fapping into his spit cup"

        may very well be one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard,
        and utterly hilarious.

  • OneYieldRegular

    That's about the whitest thing I've seen since "Hee-Haw." Or maybe "Friends."

    • Fare la Volpe

      They do have a single black girl on the website. Not surprisingly, she appears in exactly none of their promos.

  • Callyson

    That's nothing–I'm holding out for Rick Perry's beefcake calendar.

    • Terry

      Twelve months of squinty, gun totin' manliness.

  • SayItWithWookies

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with real women who don't look like SI swimsuit models. Libertarian girls in pirate shirts, however — that's just a warning all by itself.

  • poncho_pilot

    ya-hoo! Yodelin' Zeke and Big Shirtless Ron.

  • Radio99%

    He's clearly interested the slavery stuff that's in there.

  • Weird, nowhere on the calendar is there any mention of Ro$e$.

  • DahBoner

    Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!

    America likes Generic Republican, not a real Geriatric Republican

    • Negropolis

      I don't know. Thye sure seemed to like Reagan and McCain well enough.

  • Tommmcattt

    Is that what straight porn stars look like? They aren't as meth-y as the gay ones.

    I can't decide if that is a good or a bad thing.

  • DaRooster

    They are all freakin' hot… I did just get back from a weekend in Annapolis…

  • north_of_moscow

    Did the Photoshop people leave his head that small to make his pen look bigger?

  • not that Dewey

    There's enough silicone in that photo to seal an entire swimming pool.

  • tihond

    I prefer the "Bears for Bachmann" calendar Marcus gave me.

  • McRibzgood

    The Pirate look is soooooo 1675!

    • SorosBot

      Kramer: This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry — this is gonna be the new look for the 90's. You're gonna be the first pirate!
      Jerry: But, I don't wanna to be a pirate!

  • flamingpdog

    To be seen shortly in the Playboy pictorial, "The Girls of Paul-Mart".

  • hagajim

    Now that's whacked…I don't mean the calendar, I mean Ron Paul.

  • fartknocker

    I'll bet that's great jack off material for the guys down in Georgia who got their tranny porn and pink dildos returned to them.

  • What's the opposite of a boner*? I has that.

    *A Boehner.

  • littlebigdaddy

    That's obviously Bilbo Baggins in the middle, but I don't remember those other characters from LOTR. Maybe barmaids at the Prancing Pony?

  • McRibzgood

    (Except for the Ginger) I find this difficult to masterbate too.

  • McRibzgood


  • BaldarTFlagass

    Needs more nip-slip.

  • McRibzgood

    This calendar is like Yanni for my eyes.

    • More like a Michael Bolton/Kenny G duo.

      • McRibzgood

        (shiver) I have to ask….Hall and Oats?

    • Billy Joel, live.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

  • littlebigdaddy

    You know who *else* liked large-breasted women in peasant costumes?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Josef Stalin? Nicolae Ceaușescu?

    • ApplesauceRobot

      Hagar the Horrible?

    • DaRooster


    • HistoriCat

      Straight men at Renaissance Festivals?

    • BornInATrailer

      David Wu?

      Oh, oh, oh, n/m. I read that as "pheasant."

    • GOPCrusher

      St. Pauli Man?

    • Mr. LimeyLizzie?

    • Negropolis

      Every European monarch, ever?

      • GregComlish

        Not the Queens! and not the "Queens" either.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Hey, you leave Queen James alone.

      • SorosBot

        Not England's Richard I "the Lionheart" or Edward II though.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Every manly man that can still fog a mirror?

  • north_of_moscow

    "I served with Ben Franklin, I knew Ben Franklin, Ben Franklin was a friend of mine. Rep. Paul, you're no Ben Franklin."

    "It's time for your nap, Senator McCain."

  • elviouslyqueer

    Worst. Ann Coulter. and. Michelle Malkin. impersonators. EVER.

  • Guppy

    It's nice to know someone is keeping the cheap hair dye industry afloat in these tough economic times.

  • Redhead

    I thought you said hot babes, not frizzy-haired '80s trannies and Coulter in a Palin wig.

  • Chichikovovich

    The raccoon/Orly Taitz imitator on the left is described as the granddaughter of one of the founders of the Polish Solidarity union in the 1970s. I've no doubt that the dream of all the workers in the Gdánsk shipyards was that some day their descendants would have the opportunity they never knew, to become third tier cheesecake models so desperate for work that they'd fasten onto a calendar targeted at sex-starved Ron Paul fanboys.

  • BarackMyWorld

    They look better than Sharon Bialek.

  • ThundercatHo

    This is sort of the awful opposite of the great Betty White calender I got my mom for xmas last year. Lots of beautifully built men with well oiled pecs and Betty herself totally rocks. PS, best post of the week, wtg M. Grumpe.

  • The redhead's name is Jennifer Rodriguez?? WTF, Ron Paul? Why are you giving American modeling jerbs to anchor babies?

  • El Pinche

    I love street hookers!!

  • ttommyunger

    Why is Ron smiling? Newt is fluffing him under the table.

  • ZOMG, look at the elfin little cutie in the center! What a wizened ball o' fun!

  • ZOMG, there's a "rebel-rouser" among them. I guess the millionaires just don't consort with the rabble no moah.

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    Hardly fap-worthy. There I was hoping for some hot furry-sex and the damn gorilla was wearing a TSA badge.

  • Trinket

    oh gross oh gross oh god oh gross i will die of grossness.

  • GregComlish

    The one with the black hair is almost as hot as my aunt who works at H&R Block

  • Negropolis

    Baby, that's a man!*

    *said in sassy, black woman voice as if at the Jerry Springer show.

  • Terry

    Someone needs to tell the Paultard women that a little bit of black eyeliner goes a long, long way.

    • iburl

      Same goes for the whole Little Lord Fauntleroy/Buster Brown look.

  • 0reste5

    how surprising, the exploited women all look like neo-nazis and ron paul looks giddy but impotent

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