Crazed Hill Staffers Unleash Party Mob On Horrified Annapolis

  congressional party report

How come they always seemed to pull it off in those eighties movies?Mississippi GOP Rep. Steven Palazzo did not ask any of his staff to rent a waterfront house in Annapolis over Columbus Day weekend in order to throw a mad days-long orgy for a giant pack of unruly congressional aides, so somehow this is exactly what happened. Palazzo’s scheduler booked the property apparently under the impression he wanted to hold a mild football-watching ritual there with some friends, but Palazzo and his family never materialized. Therefore — and there’s just a *bit* of a gap in the story here — CUE HAVOC. An army of Hill staffers descended on the house, and the rest is a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker. Let’s read some of the hilarious details!

Roll Call reports that partygoer “Jason” explained the weekend-long debauchery was due to congressional aides being a bunch of insane children who automatically went ape shit when they realized DAD WAS NOT COMING HOME TEEHEE:

“When we found out that he was not coming down with his family and kids, we decided to let our hair down,” Jason said, according to the neighbor.

The young man insisted to the neighbor that it would not happen again Saturday night.

When the good times resumed that evening — “There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts” — the neighbor gave the out-of-towners one more warning, at 11 p.m., before phoning the police.

Whoops! Palazzo’s staffers then hatched the bright idea of just pretending to be him if anyone called to complain:

And the ensuing shenanigans guaranteed that the security deposit, which was put on a credit card with a Cannon House Office Building billing address, was forfeited.

Following the fracas, at least two Palazzo staffers, [scheduler Whitney] Donald and Richard McKay, tried to run interference, going as far as to put someone up to impersonate the Congressman over the phone to the irate homeowner. They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.

Oh, these kids, trying to bribe the neighbors with candies! They will all make excellent terrible lobbyists one day. [Roll Call]

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214 comments

  1. freakishlywrong

    Oh, these kids, trying to bribe the neighbors with candies!
    It's better than trying to bribe them with $400.00 dollar bottles of wine. Watch and learn, Herm.

  2. Mahousu

    Actually, things were going quite calmly until around 10pm, when they called out for pizza and … HE … showed up. The Herman. And offered them all jobs … at a price.

  3. Lascauxcaveman

    I wanna party with those guys.

    No, wait, I guess I already have. It always ends up waking to a devastating hangover under a bush in the freezing backyard or on the kitchen floor with some guy barfing on you.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Huh. Lightweights. Try the evening before lay day at Antigua week with the 20 man crew of a maxi boat….felt like the retreat from Moscow the next morning.

    2. Terry

      If you make it home and to your own bed, you find you slept all night fully dressed, with coat and shoes still on and your purse over your shoulder.

        1. Dok-cupy Everything

          Far better than someone else's shoulder over your shoulder.

          Edit: OK, depends on the shoulder.

    3. widestanceshakedown

      These are family value types, so expect to need rectal reconstruction surgery in the near future.

  4. V572625694

    "They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures." Is that what the kids are calling it these days? "C'mere, Daryll, and have a taste of my Southern confection."

  5. Lucidamente1

    Lighten up: it was Annapolis, so it was just a patriotic re-enactment of Tailhook for the cadets.

  6. sati_demise

    Alcohol fueled youngsters, lobbyists in training, and some have the nerve to say marijuana is the dangerous drug.

          1. LesBontemps

            Judging from the parties she throws, I just thought she might let us all "friend" her, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

      1. Rotundo_

        So is that why most of the scandals seem to hit at that age? It seems like they get this mid life crisis thing going on and next thing you know it's rent boys and cocaine. But never the car, there is never a cool car, just some Caddy or Lincoln sedan, no Corvette to go with the rent boys and coke. I just don't understand these guys I guess.

    1. Negropolis

      Most time, though, stupid is forever, especially if you're a part of the party of no personal accountability for anything, ever.

  7. freakishlywrong

    and the rest is a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker.

    That's pretty much Capitol Hill every day, isn't it?

  8. DetectiveGrey

    'They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.'

    Oh, so that's what they call it nowadays.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      You took the words out of my mouth, I mean, what the fuck are "Southern Confections"? Sugar frosted catfish? Georgia Mud Gumbo?

  9. Tundra Grifter

    "They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.'

    And what were the names of these young ladies?

    What's a hottub without Bubbles?

          1. MzNicky

            "he"? Excuzes-moi, Mr. ZeBubba. It's MzNicky, Suthren-style. I maintain the Midwest's got nothin' on the Southeast in its love of melty cheese and bacon in any possible form.

          2. BelleSC

            Zees eez true.

            I make it clear to any health care professional in my employ that should I lapse into a coma that the smell of cooking bacon will restore my consciousness.

  10. ifthethunderdontgetya

    a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker.

    My favorite!

    How come they always seemed to pull it off…

    Kirsten….!

    P.S. Cain is an example of the gooper CEO-model of government. That sh*t should flow downhill is the only rule of law they believe in.
    ~

  11. edgydrifter

    They were a little loud and lost their damage deposit? Frikkin' amateurs. Young people today are too lazy to even throw a catastrophic house party correctly.

    1. proudgrampa

      This is what amazes me about politics. Are you aware of ANY coverup that has ever worked (of course, by definition, if it worked we wouldn't know about it…)?

      You would think they would all just give up.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      "… and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts…"

      Sounds like a distinct lack of coverup to me.

  12. Beowoof

    Jesus when they have a Grand Old Party everyone gets pissed. This is republican tradition, get out of a hell hole red state you live in and then party like your in Vegas.

    1. prommie

      Hell, Thats what Vegas is, thats what Girls Gone Wild is, Vegas is just millions of fat, pale, drunken red-state jeebus-loving fucktards, fucking whores (until recently) gaping at the homo Tiger-tamers and drinking and gambling and puking on the sidewalks. The pure, godly, heartland jeebusers of amurrica turn into decadent, sodden whoremongers the second they get loose.

      1. Beowoof

        Having been to Vegas many times (I have family there) I can attest to having seen these very things. A weekend on the strip will leave you with a jaded view of American Christians.
        Oh and you're also too.

  13. Tundra Grifter

    "When the property manager went Sunday morning to formally evict everyone, [Whitney] Donald said Palazzo had caught a flight that morning. Later, Donald’s story shifted again when she swore Palazzo and his family flew out Saturday to tend to his sick mother-in-law."

    The old sick mother-in-law gambit. These GNoP'ers don't have much imagination when it comes to making excuses, now do they?

    1. TitsOccupado

      A guy I used to work with claimed his mother had died at least 3 different times that I knew of in order to collect 3 days of bereavement leave each time. That's Chootspah!

      1. Tundra Grifter

        TO:

        I knew a young lady in college whose grandmother died. They had been very close.

        It was sad that she got so much crap from people who didn't believe her.

        1. Generation[redacted]

          "Oh, please, you said your grandmother died last year. What do you have, like, TWO grandmothers???!"

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Jukesgrrl:

        WIN!

        Or, Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's favorite "What about Obama and Bill Ayers/Rev. Wright?" – The Swiss Army knife of right wing nutz' excuses.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      On the other hand, the old "It wasn't me, it was an impostor" routine does seem to be working out.

          1. Tundra Grifter

            BzB:
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y649DVdcQz8

            Thank you! I'd never heard that before. Back in about '72 I heard him play a concert in Oshkosh. He played until the janitors pushed the bleacher seats back against the wall of the gym. His band (the Steve Miller Bank – without Steve Miller) had left.

            And he was willing to sing and play the guitar (and, if memory serves, the organ – like James Brown liked to do) as long as we would stay to listen.

            When he finally finished, put his guitar into the case, and walked out the door with the last couple of dozen people still there I shook his hand.

  14. McRibzgood

    “There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts”

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Annapolis! Fuckin' amateurs!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS if you're going to pull some shit like this you do it in Fairfax (AKA Funfax).

  15. ManchuCandidate

    So all we have to do now is wait for a teary eyed female staffer sending a text about running off to the nearest CVS for Plan B… assuming it wasn't a sausage fest.

  16. offbrandboobs

    "“There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … "

    Time for a new GOP party anthem:

    "Bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumper. Get a tranny hooker and pump her in the dumper..heyyoooo!"

    Good times.

      1. Blueb4sunrise

        Thanks, but there's only room for one fist. I thought the Quatloos was an internet betting tradition.

  17. Goonemeritus

    This reminds me of my cousin who managed a plumbing supply store. Every year when his boss went to Florida for two weeks I would receive an invite to the annual Annette Funicello barbeque and Hawaiian shirt extravaganza. Basically they would spread sand around the display hot tubs and everyone would eat pig roast and drink bear until the owner was on his way home.

    1. Gomez571

      Annual Annette Funicello Barbeque and Hawaiian Shirt Extravaganza!!

      Best name ever for a party!! Can I use this as the name of my next party?

  18. Callyson

    Donald promised to write the homeowner a handwritten apology and send an “array” of Southern Mississippi pecans.
    Neither the property manager nor the homeowner had received an apology from Palazzo at press time. No word on the pecans, either.
    Yeah, I know if my weekend were ruined by a bunch of obnoxious wingnuts, a bag of nuts would totally make up for it…

  19. McRibzgood

    This is a crowd that Baconz and his friends can fit in with. Good people. Salt of the earth in my eyes.

      1. Dok-cupy Everything

        Best Obscure In-Joke in Movies: In John Landis's Twilight Zone movie, one of a group of GI's, lost in the jungle in Vietnam, says, "I told you guys, we shouldn't have shot Lieutenant Neidermeyer."

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          Even more obscure movie in-joke (very small clientele): I went to the same high school as the guys that made Airplane, etc, etc. I was a couple of years ahead of them. Their first "big-screen" effort was Kentucky Fried Movie, which was really a series of sketches, one of which was a very low-budget Bond send-up. The big villain was vaguely Oriental, and went by the name of "Doctor Klahn".

          When I saw the movie, this caused me to fall out of my seat, because Dr. Klahn was the name of the principal of our high school.

          Like I said, a small clientele.

          1. MzNicky

            Oh, that's good. I was tryin' to think of someone not too odious to be Flounder. Newt didn't deserve it.

  20. prommie

    I assume that they just barely managed to ransom all the furniture back from the killer pimp, before the owners got home?

    1. Terry

      These are Mississippi folks. The guys were involved in homoerotic frat boy hijinx and the one woman present (white of course) was busy wondering what it would be like to have sex with the one black guy present.

    1. HistoriCat

      As Terry said above – one woman present, she's wondering what it would be like to have sex with the one black guy present.

      If there are two women present, the other one is probably wondering what it would be like to have sex with the the first woman.

    1. flamingpdog

      But they're more expensive. We need the make them small enough to drown in a bathtub full of gin.

  21. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When we found out that he was not coming down with his family and kids, we decided to let our hair down,” Jason said

    Poor Jason, doesn't he know that to go far in the GOP, your debauchery needs to include kids?

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.

    I'm sorry, I'm not down with the GOP kids today. Does "Southern Confections" refer to cocaine or crushed Oxycontin?

  23. Chichikovovich

    I do hope these young men had the business acumen to nail down the film rights to their underwear escapades. A movie of this would become the "Animal House" of the Young Americans for Freedom".

  24. chascates

    Isn't one of John McCain's sons still at the Academy? Trying to live up to the father is a McCain family tradition. That always fails.

  25. AlaskaGrrl

    "They will all make excellent terrible lobbyists one day." Lobbyists hell! Lying, stealing, cheating, debauchery, cover-up. We've got GOP Presidential material here.

  26. SorosBot

    Hopefully the staffers will learn their lesson and next time offer to share their beer with the neighbors.

  27. carlgt1

    it could be some sort of experiment for Mississippi to prove life begins at the moment of ejaculation through egg fertilization — so they can enact some more draconian abortion laws?

  28. Antispandex

    Um, hello? They have SO much better family values than those liberal heathens! They waited until AFTER they knew there would be no kids or their parents around to go get hammered and bang anything available! Liars? Sure. But think how much worse it would have been if it had been Democratic staffers.

  29. crybabyboehner

    Ahm so sorry that one of my guests defecated on your bedspread. Please accept this delectable pee-can log as a token of my apologies.

  30. Mumbly_Occupado

    They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.

    Well, if one of their neighbor is Newton Leroy Gingrich, that just might have worked, even.

  31. coolhandnuke

    All these future masters of the universe in attendance, skipped away from DC for the weekend thinking they all had a chance to score with miss Anna Polis.

  32. SorosBot

    Wonketters, if you're willing to sell your soul, I do happen to know of a Congressional office that's got a whole lot of jobs suddenly open.

  33. James Michael Curley

    "These four things happen just before a NewMax heart attack"
    Sarah Palin is caught pulling a train in a rented house in Annapolis.
    Herman Cain is discovered to be the love child of Ronald Reagan and Moms Mabely.
    You find out your suspicions about William Buckley were correct.
    Barack Obama is reelected.

  34. OneDollarJuana

    Republicans acting immature and badly. Who'd a thunk it?

    What I want to know, is if'n there was wimmen there, and consequently some sexytimes, then how many of these Mississippian kids are going to be arrested for contributing to the delinquency of zygotes?

  35. mrblifil

    So according to the GOP codes of honor and justice, the complaining neighbor will have his identity stolen, his kid's pinkie fingers chopped off, and his wife sold to a Saudi Arabian harem. And that'll be just to get his attention.

  36. Ruhe

    Trying to win favors by offering candies? Is it possible these staffers began as Congressional Pages and learned that particular strategy…um…first hand.

  37. fuflans

    on a much more somber note, if berlusconi really does resign, i will be forced to find all my political humor in the republican party and that will make me very sad.

    also, no coverage of sarko and bamz trash talking bibi? seems like a made for wonkette story.

  38. Kellycutler

    Do not blame Whitney 

    Everybody knows that Blake Farenthold's staff was behind this party. This story needs to be investigated better as Whitney Donald and Emily Wilkes (Farenthold's scheduler) through the party at the request of LD Blake Adami and his current boy toy. The GOP is clueless and so is roll call. Farenthold's staff through this party and Amanda Nunez the staff assistant for Farethold acted as Ms. Donald's attorney. In my opinion both offices need to hire new people especially Freshman Blake who has people like Olivia Chriss and Jessica Blake running shop. Why does Trust Fund Farenthold need to have rich girls and I look 60 Jessica Blake run his office. He needs to fire everyone including and he is against gay rights and his LD is publicly out. What is going on?  Whitney no blame please 

  39. Jukesgrrl

    Nine months from now the baby will be named Annapolis. (I'm assuming these GOP staffers will operate under the medical laws they attempt to force on everyone else.)

  40. Negropolis

    "Southern confections"

    So, that's what all the belles are calling it these days.

    Their milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like…

  41. Generation[redacted]

    If the GOP Congressman had just shown up like he said, it would have been a quiet evening of tickle-fights and games of pile-on-the-old-man.

  42. thefrontpage

    A need for a simple statement here is greater than a need for comedy: The scheduler and the aide were just plain stupid. Absolutely, completely, 100 percent stupid. What a bunch of morons and idiots. Nimrods, too.

  43. sbj1964

    I heard Donald Trump was in the house. You know Conan O'Brien does his hair. That's how he worked his way through collage.

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