Mississippi GOP Rep. Steven Palazzo did not ask any of his staff to rent a waterfront house in Annapolis over Columbus Day weekend in order to throw a mad days-long orgy for a giant pack of unruly congressional aides, so somehow this is exactly what happened. Palazzo’s scheduler booked the property apparently under the impression he wanted to hold a mild football-watching ritual there with some friends, but Palazzo and his family never materialized. Therefore — and there’s just a *bit* of a gap in the story here — CUE HAVOC. An army of Hill staffers descended on the house, and the rest is a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker. Let’s read some of the hilarious details!
Roll Call reports that partygoer “Jason” explained the weekend-long debauchery was due to congressional aides being a bunch of insane children who automatically went ape shit when they realized DAD WAS NOT COMING HOME TEEHEE:
“When we found out that he was not coming down with his family and kids, we decided to let our hair down,” Jason said, according to the neighbor.
The young man insisted to the neighbor that it would not happen again Saturday night.
When the good times resumed that evening — “There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts” — the neighbor gave the out-of-towners one more warning, at 11 p.m., before phoning the police.
Whoops! Palazzo’s staffers then hatched the bright idea of just pretending to be him if anyone called to complain:
And the ensuing shenanigans guaranteed that the security deposit, which was put on a credit card with a Cannon House Office Building billing address, was forfeited.
Following the fracas, at least two Palazzo staffers, [scheduler Whitney] Donald and Richard McKay, tried to run interference, going as far as to put someone up to impersonate the Congressman over the phone to the irate homeowner. They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.
Oh, these kids, trying to bribe the neighbors with candies! They will all make excellent terrible lobbyists one day. [Roll Call]
{ 214 comments }
Oh, these kids, trying to bribe the neighbors with candies!
It's better than trying to bribe them with $400.00 dollar bottles of wine. Watch and learn, Herm.
HalloJesusween lives on!Actually, things were going quite calmly until around 10pm, when they called out for pizza and … HE … showed up. The Herman. And offered them all jobs … at a price.
Send them one of DustBowlBlues' pies, and all will be forgiven.
Return of Late Night Shots.
Return? Wait, then why are all my memories of Tuesdays still so damn hazy?
My first thought on hearing this as well….
I wanna party with those guys.
No, wait, I guess I already have. It always ends up waking to a devastating hangover under a bush in the freezing backyard or on the kitchen floor with some guy barfing on you.
Don't forget the "Blow jobs $1" sharpie on the face.
Makes my head hurt just to think about it.
Good times, tho.
Huh. Lightweights. Try the evening before lay day at Antigua week with the 20 man crew of a maxi boat….felt like the retreat from Moscow the next morning.
If you make it home and to your own bed, you find you slept all night fully dressed, with coat and shoes still on and your purse over your shoulder.
Or someone else's purse over your shoulder.
Far better than someone else's shoulder over your shoulder.
Edit: OK, depends on the shoulder.
And the shaved eyebrows.
These are family value types, so expect to need rectal reconstruction surgery in the near future.
"They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures." Is that what the kids are calling it these days? "C'mere, Daryll, and have a taste of my Southern confection."
Beats Herman's pitch…you wanna job?
"My confection is bourbon-flavored. Honest!"
Lighten up: it was Annapolis, so it was just a patriotic re-enactment of Tailhook for the cadets.
Alcohol fueled youngsters, lobbyists in training, and some have the nerve to say marijuana is the dangerous drug.
I dunno, man. Lobbying is a powerful hook.
That stuff is made from freshly harvested lobbying glands.
"and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts”
Needs more Larry Craig.
Eric Massa wants to tickle the shit out of that staffer.
Sorry, he got stuck at the airport.
(And loved it.)
Gives new meaning to the word "layover".
Wild orgy but only guys mentioned in the article. Sounds GOP to me.
There's Whitney Donald. But, to be fair, Whitney is a guy's name too.
Well, she looks like a girl on her Facebook page.
I didn't go to such lengths to find out. I'm glad somebody did, for comedy.
Judging from the parties she throws, I just thought she might let us all "friend" her, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
They all had wide stances.
I assume they used their best Foghorn J. Leghorn imitation to mimic the Congressman?
Ah say ah say ah say, boy, would you like a Southern confection?
we decided to let our hair down
So Cain was there, too?
I do believe that is a euphemism for letting their pants down and partying naked.
I would have been careful about mixing Coke into any of my drinks there.
That explains the bar bill…
Occupy Annapolis!
I am in, bring the beer, we can make it a tailgate party.
I actually did 2 weeks ago- but we had no sex, no beer and lots of bad weather
You can survive number three if you have numbers one and two …
Needs moar wimmin harassed by Herman Cain.
Well, I'll give them a pass even if they are goopers. You are only young and stupid once.
Unless you're a Republican Politician, then the latter is a life-long affliction.
They mature once they graduate from Young Gun status at age 60.
So is that why most of the scandals seem to hit at that age? It seems like they get this mid life crisis thing going on and next thing you know it's rent boys and cocaine. But never the car, there is never a cool car, just some Caddy or Lincoln sedan, no Corvette to go with the rent boys and coke. I just don't understand these guys I guess.
Most time, though, stupid is forever, especially if you're a part of the party of no personal accountability for anything, ever.
A Mississippi LaLaPalazzo instead of the threadbare toga party?
Palazzo and his entourage sound like Mississippi's version of Forza Gnocca.
and the rest is a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker.
That's pretty much Capitol Hill every day, isn't it?
Southern confections: Winn-Dixie -branded orange "circus peanuts"?
Or else the luscious cardboardy MoonPie. http://moonpie.com/
'They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.'
Oh, so that's what they call it nowadays.
Southern as in Columbian
You took the words out of my mouth, I mean, what the fuck are "Southern Confections"? Sugar frosted catfish? Georgia Mud Gumbo?
I was thinking grits; truly one of the more disgusting foods ever made.
I was thinking pies: Shoo-fly, Pecan, or Moon.
No…noo….cheese grits with shrimp are one of the finest things on the planet.
"Her bosom heaved at the gasp she gave out as he tasted her Southern confections."
"They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.'
And what were the names of these young ladies?
What's a hottub without Bubbles?
Is THIS why Romney hates federal employees so much?
Mormons hate fun like Baptists hate Mormons!
Southern Confections: Bourbon Balls
Jack Daniels® pralines.
Whiskey Dick's inbred cousin.
Knoxvillian Mooned Pies.
Atlanta Suger Tits.
WTF is a Southern confection; I’m picturing a lump of meth dipped in chocolate.
Served with sweet tea.
And deep fried.
on a stick
And smothered in melted Velveeta® cheese-like product. Then wrapped in bacon.
I'm thinking key lime pie. Only the lime is made out of meth.
So it's kind of a Kilo-Lime pie…
Nice. "Meth by Chocolate."
a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker.
My favorite!
How come they always seemed to pull it off…
Kirsten….!
P.S. Cain is an example of the gooper CEO-model of government. That sh*t should flow downhill is the only rule of law they believe in.
~
They were a little loud and lost their damage deposit? Frikkin' amateurs. Young people today are too lazy to even throw a catastrophic house party correctly.
They did, however, managed to get the damage billed to a U.S. representative's office.
Creatin' jerbs for cleaning crews and plasterers, as only the GOP can do.
Its always the coverup that gets ya, always.
This is what amazes me about politics. Are you aware of ANY coverup that has ever worked (of course, by definition, if it worked we wouldn't know about it…)?
You would think they would all just give up.
The Kennedy Coup coverup worked pretty good.
How could there be a coverup of the actions of a lone man?
The grassy knoll was a patsy!
prommie, you always open up my eyes…
So far…
"… and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts…"
Sounds like a distinct lack of coverup to me.
The neighbor is a big jealous pooface.
Needs moar booze, drugs, and sex.
Needs moar booze, drugs, and sex.
But enough about me, what do you need?
Best way to enlist the neighbors=invite them to the party.
And get them laid immediately. needz moar drunk chix
Jesus when they have a Grand Old Party everyone gets pissed. This is republican tradition, get out of a hell hole red state you live in and then party like your in Vegas.
Hell, Thats what Vegas is, thats what Girls Gone Wild is, Vegas is just millions of fat, pale, drunken red-state jeebus-loving fucktards, fucking whores (until recently) gaping at the homo Tiger-tamers and drinking and gambling and puking on the sidewalks. The pure, godly, heartland jeebusers of amurrica turn into decadent, sodden whoremongers the second they get loose.
Having been to Vegas many times (I have family there) I can attest to having seen these very things. A weekend on the strip will leave you with a jaded view of American Christians.
Oh and you're also too.
"When the property manager went Sunday morning to formally evict everyone, [Whitney] Donald said Palazzo had caught a flight that morning. Later, Donald’s story shifted again when she swore Palazzo and his family flew out Saturday to tend to his sick mother-in-law."
The old sick mother-in-law gambit. These GNoP'ers don't have much imagination when it comes to making excuses, now do they?
It's either that or the ol' "Family Reunion" thing…
A guy I used to work with claimed his mother had died at least 3 different times that I knew of in order to collect 3 days of bereavement leave each time. That's Chootspah!
TO:
I knew a young lady in college whose grandmother died. They had been very close.
It was sad that she got so much crap from people who didn't believe her.
"Oh, please, you said your grandmother died last year. What do you have, like, TWO grandmothers???!"
G [r]:
Not anymore.
I think its pretty creative … compared to their usual excuse of, "But, but, but, but Clinton."
Jukesgrrl:
WIN!
Or, Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's favorite "What about Obama and Bill Ayers/Rev. Wright?" – The Swiss Army knife of right wing nutz' excuses.
On the other hand, the old "It wasn't me, it was an impostor" routine does seem to be working out.
Great song by Shaggy!
Better one by Chuck Berry!
BzB:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y649DVdcQz8
Thank you! I'd never heard that before. Back in about '72 I heard him play a concert in Oshkosh. He played until the janitors pushed the bleacher seats back against the wall of the gym. His band (the Steve Miller Bank – without Steve Miller) had left.
And he was willing to sing and play the guitar (and, if memory serves, the organ – like James Brown liked to do) as long as we would stay to listen.
When he finally finished, put his guitar into the case, and walked out the door with the last couple of dozen people still there I shook his hand.
“There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts”
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Annapolis! Fuckin' amateurs!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS if you're going to pull some shit like this you do it in Fairfax (AKA Funfax).
So all we have to do now is wait for a teary eyed female staffer sending a text about running off to the nearest CVS for Plan B… assuming it wasn't a sausage fest.
Toga…Toga…TOGA….
Otis Day and the Knights played this gig, right?
More than likely ended with ritualistic spankings.
"Thank you, sir. May I have another?"
"Otis LOVES us!"
"“There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … "
Time for a new GOP party anthem:
"Bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumper. Get a tranny hooker and pump her in the dumper..heyyoooo!"
Good times.
Now I can't wait for the election night party!
TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!
Ten Quatloos says that somebody did their Tom Cruise Old Time Rock-n-Roll imitation.
I wish I could give you ten upfists for a quatloo reference.
Thanks, but there's only room for one fist. I thought the Quatloos was an internet betting tradition.
This reminds me of my cousin who managed a plumbing supply store. Every year when his boss went to Florida for two weeks I would receive an invite to the annual Annette Funicello barbeque and Hawaiian shirt extravaganza. Basically they would spread sand around the display hot tubs and everyone would eat pig roast and drink bear until the owner was on his way home.
Drink bear?
It's the Water!
Annual Annette Funicello Barbeque and Hawaiian Shirt Extravaganza!!
Best name ever for a party!! Can I use this as the name of my next party?
Goon, you should have put ® after it and charged Gomez. You're no Republican.
Any relation to Enrico Palazzo?
Ha, you beat me to it.
11 p.m.? What a prude.
Donald promised to write the homeowner a handwritten apology and send an “array” of Southern Mississippi pecans.
Neither the property manager nor the homeowner had received an apology from Palazzo at press time. No word on the pecans, either.
Yeah, I know if my weekend were ruined by a bunch of obnoxious wingnuts, a bag of nuts would totally make up for it…
["pecan", "pecan"]
This is a crowd that Baconz and his friends can fit in with. Good people. Salt of the earth in my eyes.
If you like salt in your eyes.
Which one let the Porsche go into the lake?
With Herman Cain playing Dean Wormer.
And Rick Santorum as Niedermeyer
And Michele as the horse.
Best Obscure In-Joke in Movies: In John Landis's Twilight Zone movie, one of a group of GI's, lost in the jungle in Vietnam, says, "I told you guys, we shouldn't have shot Lieutenant Neidermeyer."
and then Landis actually kills Vic Morrow & two kids….
"Lower! Lower! Too low!"
Even more obscure movie in-joke (very small clientele): I went to the same high school as the guys that made Airplane, etc, etc. I was a couple of years ahead of them. Their first "big-screen" effort was Kentucky Fried Movie, which was really a series of sketches, one of which was a very low-budget Bond send-up. The big villain was vaguely Oriental, and went by the name of "Doctor Klahn".
When I saw the movie, this caused me to fall out of my seat, because Dr. Klahn was the name of the principal of our high school.
Like I said, a small clientele.
I bet you're dying to see my operation!
Mitt Romney as Greg Marmalard.
Chris Christie as Flounder?
Oh, that's good. I was tryin' to think of someone not too odious to be Flounder. Newt didn't deserve it.
Does that mean we all get to vomit on him?
I assume that they just barely managed to ransom all the furniture back from the killer pimp, before the owners got home?
Yes, but the glass egg is still up somebody's ass.
gnocchi ≠ nookie
Gnocca.
Snookie < Wookie
Time to revive Ask a Hill Staffer? This looks to be the perfect stuff to start with.
We know we lost the security deposit, but can I interest you in some… red velvet cake? Hmmmm? Now how about that deposit?
Bunga bunga?
These are Mississippi folks. The guys were involved in homoerotic frat boy hijinx and the one woman present (white of course) was busy wondering what it would be like to have sex with the one black guy present.
GOP staffers gone wild? But it also suggests women were there, so I have to call bullshit.
As Terry said above – one woman present, she's wondering what it would be like to have sex with the one black guy present.
If there are two women present, the other one is probably wondering what it would be like to have sex with the the first woman.
These government parties are so much better than the private sector parties.
But they're more expensive. We need the make them small enough to drown in a bathtub full of gin.
Wait . . . isn't "Southern Confections" Lindsey Graham's drag name?
WIN!
I thought it was "Bertha van Nation"
He uses that one at home. In DC he gets better tips using Southern Confections.
When we found out that he was not coming down with his family and kids, we decided to let our hair down,” Jason said
Poor Jason, doesn't he know that to go far in the GOP, your debauchery needs to include kids?
The NCAA also.
They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.
I'm sorry, I'm not down with the GOP kids today. Does "Southern Confections" refer to cocaine or crushed Oxycontin?
Animal House libel
Toga! Toga! Toga!
(I know that's not original, but it's all I got).
I do hope these young men had the business acumen to nail down the film rights to their underwear escapades. A movie of this would become the "Animal House" of the Young Americans for Freedom".
Sounds like a lot of fun, if I was 15 again.
They were probably just glad he wasn't coming… so their asses were safe for a night.
Isn't one of John McCain's sons still at the Academy? Trying to live up to the father is a McCain family tradition. That always fails.
There are still plenty of aircraft carriers for the young McCain to sink.
In China, maybe.
"They will all make excellent terrible lobbyists one day." Lobbyists hell! Lying, stealing, cheating, debauchery, cover-up. We've got GOP Presidential material here.
Hopefully the staffers will learn their lesson and next time offer to share their beer with the neighbors.
it could be some sort of experiment for Mississippi to prove life begins at the moment of ejaculation through egg fertilization — so they can enact some more draconian abortion laws?
Lots of seamen in Annapolis.
I see what you did there.
Calhoun
University of
Nautical
Technology, yo!
Um, hello? They have SO much better family values than those liberal heathens! They waited until AFTER they knew there would be no kids or their parents around to go get hammered and bang anything available! Liars? Sure. But think how much worse it would have been if it had been Democratic staffers.
Bluto is so proud.
That's Senator Blutarsky, suh.
Ahm so sorry that one of my guests defecated on your bedspread. Please accept this delectable pee-can log as a token of my apologies.
I just spit tea all over my keyboard.
I think they meant Southern Comfort confections.
Today, we are all "Jason", insisting to the neighbor that it would not happen again.
Well, if one of their neighbor is Newton Leroy Gingrich, that just might have worked, even.
I don't know how to party.
All these future masters of the universe in attendance, skipped away from DC for the weekend thinking they all had a chance to score with miss Anna Polis.
I think the real story here is that Mississippi elected an Italian to congress.
Wonketters, if you're willing to sell your soul, I do happen to know of a Congressional office that's got a whole lot of jobs suddenly open.
"These four things happen just before a NewMax heart attack"
Sarah Palin is caught pulling a train in a rented house in Annapolis.
Herman Cain is discovered to be the love child of Ronald Reagan and Moms Mabely.
You find out your suspicions about William Buckley were correct.
Barack Obama is reelected.
I wonder how many dead hookers they had to bury the next morning.
This just in. Michael Jackson is still dead.
That is all.
Francisco Franco Libel, yo!
Republicans acting immature and badly. Who'd a thunk it?
What I want to know, is if'n there was wimmen there, and consequently some sexytimes, then how many of these Mississippian kids are going to be arrested for contributing to the delinquency of zygotes?
So according to the GOP codes of honor and justice, the complaining neighbor will have his identity stolen, his kid's pinkie fingers chopped off, and his wife sold to a Saudi Arabian harem. And that'll be just to get his attention.
Trying to win favors by offering candies? Is it possible these staffers began as Congressional Pages and learned that particular strategy…um…first hand.
on a much more somber note, if berlusconi really does resign, i will be forced to find all my political humor in the republican party and that will make me very sad.
also, no coverage of sarko and bamz trash talking bibi? seems like a made for wonkette story.
Do not blame Whitney
Everybody knows that Blake Farenthold's staff was behind this party. This story needs to be investigated better as Whitney Donald and Emily Wilkes (Farenthold's scheduler) through the party at the request of LD Blake Adami and his current boy toy. The GOP is clueless and so is roll call. Farenthold's staff through this party and Amanda Nunez the staff assistant for Farethold acted as Ms. Donald's attorney. In my opinion both offices need to hire new people especially Freshman Blake who has people like Olivia Chriss and Jessica Blake running shop. Why does Trust Fund Farenthold need to have rich girls and I look 60 Jessica Blake run his office. He needs to fire everyone including and he is against gay rights and his LD is publicly out. What is going on? Whitney no blame please
Wow!
First we had Liz Becton and now Whitney Donald. What's with these bossy Hill Staffers and their delusions of grandeur?
Southern Confections…great stripper name.
"Bitch set me up" presser about to start…
Nine months from now the baby will be named Annapolis. (I'm assuming these GOP staffers will operate under the medical laws they attempt to force on everyone else.)
Why would you assume a silly thing like that?
when was the last time anybody "let their hair down?"
"Southern confections"
So, that's what all the belles are calling it these days.
Their milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like…
If the GOP Congressman had just shown up like he said, it would have been a quiet evening of tickle-fights and games of pile-on-the-old-man.
A need for a simple statement here is greater than a need for comedy: The scheduler and the aide were just plain stupid. Absolutely, completely, 100 percent stupid. What a bunch of morons and idiots. Nimrods, too.
I heard Donald Trump was in the house. You know Conan O'Brien does his hair. That's how he worked his way through collage.
Hey, now you're talking Mid-West.
MzN is a secret Wisconsonant. This is the second time he's blown his cover.
"he"? Excuzes-moi, Mr. ZeBubba. It's MzNicky, Suthren-style. I maintain the Midwest's got nothin' on the Southeast in its love of melty cheese and bacon in any possible form.
Zees eez true.
I make it clear to any health care professional in my employ that should I lapse into a coma that the smell of cooking bacon will restore my consciousness.
Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle.
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