CONGRESSIONAL PARTY REPORT  1:09 pm November 8, 2011

Crazed Hill Staffers Unleash Party Mob On Horrified Annapolis

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

How come they always seemed to pull it off in those eighties movies?Mississippi GOP Rep. Steven Palazzo did not ask any of his staff to rent a waterfront house in Annapolis over Columbus Day weekend in order to throw a mad days-long orgy for a giant pack of unruly congressional aides, so somehow this is exactly what happened. Palazzo’s scheduler booked the property apparently under the impression he wanted to hold a mild football-watching ritual there with some friends, but Palazzo and his family never materialized. Therefore — and there’s just a *bit* of a gap in the story here — CUE HAVOC. An army of Hill staffers descended on the house, and the rest is a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker. Let’s read some of the hilarious details!

Roll Call reports that partygoer “Jason” explained the weekend-long debauchery was due to congressional aides being a bunch of insane children who automatically went ape shit when they realized DAD WAS NOT COMING HOME TEEHEE:

“When we found out that he was not coming down with his family and kids, we decided to let our hair down,” Jason said, according to the neighbor.

The young man insisted to the neighbor that it would not happen again Saturday night.

When the good times resumed that evening — “There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts” — the neighbor gave the out-of-towners one more warning, at 11 p.m., before phoning the police.

Whoops! Palazzo’s staffers then hatched the bright idea of just pretending to be him if anyone called to complain:

And the ensuing shenanigans guaranteed that the security deposit, which was put on a credit card with a Cannon House Office Building billing address, was forfeited.

Following the fracas, at least two Palazzo staffers, [scheduler Whitney] Donald and Richard McKay, tried to run interference, going as far as to put someone up to impersonate the Congressman over the phone to the irate homeowner. They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.

Oh, these kids, trying to bribe the neighbors with candies! They will all make excellent terrible lobbyists one day. [Roll Call]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 214 comments }

freakishlywrong November 8, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Oh, these kids, trying to bribe the neighbors with candies!
It's better than trying to bribe them with $400.00 dollar bottles of wine. Watch and learn, Herm.

TitsOccupado November 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

HalloJesusween lives on!

Mahousu November 8, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Actually, things were going quite calmly until around 10pm, when they called out for pizza and … HE … showed up. The Herman. And offered them all jobs … at a price.

Come here a minute November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Send them one of DustBowlBlues' pies, and all will be forgiven.

Buzz Feedback November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Return of Late Night Shots.

BarryOPotter November 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Return? Wait, then why are all my memories of Tuesdays still so damn hazy?

jqheywood November 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

My first thought on hearing this as well….

Lascauxcaveman November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I wanna party with those guys.

No, wait, I guess I already have. It always ends up waking to a devastating hangover under a bush in the freezing backyard or on the kitchen floor with some guy barfing on you.

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Don't forget the "Blow jobs $1" sharpie on the face.

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Makes my head hurt just to think about it.

Good times, tho.

MaxNeanderthal November 8, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Huh. Lightweights. Try the evening before lay day at Antigua week with the 20 man crew of a maxi boat….felt like the retreat from Moscow the next morning.

Terry November 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

If you make it home and to your own bed, you find you slept all night fully dressed, with coat and shoes still on and your purse over your shoulder.

flamingpdog November 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Or someone else's purse over your shoulder.

Dok-cupy Everything November 8, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Far better than someone else's shoulder over your shoulder.

Edit: OK, depends on the shoulder.

hagajim November 8, 2011 at 1:44 pm

And the shaved eyebrows.

widestanceshakedown November 8, 2011 at 1:59 pm

These are family value types, so expect to need rectal reconstruction surgery in the near future.

V572625694 November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

"They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures." Is that what the kids are calling it these days? "C'mere, Daryll, and have a taste of my Southern confection."

hagajim November 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Beats Herman's pitch…you wanna job?

dr_giraud November 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

"My confection is bourbon-flavored. Honest!"

Lucidamente1 November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Lighten up: it was Annapolis, so it was just a patriotic re-enactment of Tailhook for the cadets.

sati_demise November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Alcohol fueled youngsters, lobbyists in training, and some have the nerve to say marijuana is the dangerous drug.

DetectiveGrey November 8, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I dunno, man. Lobbying is a powerful hook.

Generation[redacted] November 8, 2011 at 4:26 pm

That stuff is made from freshly harvested lobbying glands.

nounverb911 November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

"and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts”
Needs more Larry Craig.

chicken_thief November 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Eric Massa wants to tickle the shit out of that staffer.

Mahousu November 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Sorry, he got stuck at the airport.

(And loved it.)

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 3:00 am

Gives new meaning to the word "layover".

Schmannnity November 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Wild orgy but only guys mentioned in the article. Sounds GOP to me.

HedonismBot November 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

There's Whitney Donald. But, to be fair, Whitney is a guy's name too.

LesBontemps November 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Well, she looks like a girl on her Facebook page.

HedonismBot November 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I didn't go to such lengths to find out. I'm glad somebody did, for comedy.

LesBontemps November 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Judging from the parties she throws, I just thought she might let us all "friend" her, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

hagajim November 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm

They all had wide stances.

johnnyzhivago November 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I assume they used their best Foghorn J. Leghorn imitation to mimic the Congressman?

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Ah say ah say ah say, boy, would you like a Southern confection?

OCcupied_Surf_Serf November 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

we decided to let our hair down

So Cain was there, too?

Beowoof November 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I do believe that is a euphemism for letting their pants down and partying naked.

flamingpdog November 8, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I would have been careful about mixing Coke into any of my drinks there.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

That explains the bar bill…

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Occupy Annapolis!

Beowoof November 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I am in, bring the beer, we can make it a tailgate party.

finallyhappy November 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I actually did 2 weeks ago- but we had no sex, no beer and lots of bad weather

HistoriCat November 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

You can survive number three if you have numbers one and two …

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Needs moar wimmin harassed by Herman Cain.

littlebigdaddy November 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Well, I'll give them a pass even if they are goopers. You are only young and stupid once.

ttommyunger November 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Unless you're a Republican Politician, then the latter is a life-long affliction.

Generation[redacted] November 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm

They mature once they graduate from Young Gun status at age 60.

Rotundo_ November 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

So is that why most of the scandals seem to hit at that age? It seems like they get this mid life crisis thing going on and next thing you know it's rent boys and cocaine. But never the car, there is never a cool car, just some Caddy or Lincoln sedan, no Corvette to go with the rent boys and coke. I just don't understand these guys I guess.

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 3:02 am

Most time, though, stupid is forever, especially if you're a part of the party of no personal accountability for anything, ever.

weejee November 8, 2011 at 1:16 pm

A Mississippi LaLaPalazzo instead of the threadbare toga party?

Chillwaver November 8, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Palazzo and his entourage sound like Mississippi's version of Forza Gnocca.

freakishlywrong November 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

and the rest is a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker.

That's pretty much Capitol Hill every day, isn't it?

OCcupied_Surf_Serf November 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Southern confections: Winn-Dixie -branded orange "circus peanuts"?

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Or else the luscious cardboardy MoonPie. http://moonpie.com/

DetectiveGrey November 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

'They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.'

Oh, so that's what they call it nowadays.

An_Outhouse November 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Southern as in Columbian

MaxNeanderthal November 8, 2011 at 1:41 pm

You took the words out of my mouth, I mean, what the fuck are "Southern Confections"? Sugar frosted catfish? Georgia Mud Gumbo?

SorosBot November 8, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I was thinking grits; truly one of the more disgusting foods ever made.

Dok-cupy Everything November 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I was thinking pies: Shoo-fly, Pecan, or Moon.

jqheywood November 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm

No…noo….cheese grits with shrimp are one of the finest things on the planet.

HistoriCat November 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

"Her bosom heaved at the gasp she gave out as he tasted her Southern confections."

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.'

And what were the names of these young ladies?

What's a hottub without Bubbles?

BarackMyWorld November 8, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Is THIS why Romney hates federal employees so much?

poorgradstudent November 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Mormons hate fun like Baptists hate Mormons!

johnnyzhivago November 8, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Southern Confections: Bourbon Balls

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Jack Daniels® pralines.

Gleem_McShineys November 8, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Whiskey Dick's inbred cousin.

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 3:05 am

Knoxvillian Mooned Pies.

Atlanta Suger Tits.

Goonemeritus November 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm

WTF is a Southern confection; I’m picturing a lump of meth dipped in chocolate.

Terry November 8, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Served with sweet tea.

memzilla November 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm

And deep fried.

ShitFilledExistence November 8, 2011 at 1:52 pm

on a stick

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 2:00 pm

And smothered in melted Velveeta® cheese-like product. Then wrapped in bacon.

imissopus November 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I'm thinking key lime pie. Only the lime is made out of meth.

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 4:29 pm

So it's kind of a Kilo-Lime pie…

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 3:06 am

Nice. "Meth by Chocolate."

ifthethunderdontgetya November 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm

a tearful cocktail of lies, police, terrorized neighbors and comical phone impersonations of an elected lawmaker.

My favorite!

How come they always seemed to pull it off…

Kirsten….!

P.S. Cain is an example of the gooper CEO-model of government. That sh*t should flow downhill is the only rule of law they believe in.
~

edgydrifter November 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

They were a little loud and lost their damage deposit? Frikkin' amateurs. Young people today are too lazy to even throw a catastrophic house party correctly.

Terry November 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

They did, however, managed to get the damage billed to a U.S. representative's office.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Creatin' jerbs for cleaning crews and plasterers, as only the GOP can do.

prommie November 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Its always the coverup that gets ya, always.

proudgrampa November 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm

This is what amazes me about politics. Are you aware of ANY coverup that has ever worked (of course, by definition, if it worked we wouldn't know about it…)?

You would think they would all just give up.

prommie November 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The Kennedy Coup coverup worked pretty good.

SorosBot November 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm

How could there be a coverup of the actions of a lone man?

Generation[redacted] November 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm

The grassy knoll was a patsy!

proudgrampa November 8, 2011 at 2:27 pm

prommie, you always open up my eyes…

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm

So far…

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 3:38 pm

"… and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts…"

Sounds like a distinct lack of coverup to me.

Andrew Drinker November 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm

The neighbor is a big jealous pooface.

Needs moar booze, drugs, and sex.

JustPixelz November 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Needs moar booze, drugs, and sex.

But enough about me, what do you need?

TitsOccupado November 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Best way to enlist the neighbors=invite them to the party.

Generation[redacted] November 8, 2011 at 4:31 pm

And get them laid immediately. needz moar drunk chix

Beowoof November 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Jesus when they have a Grand Old Party everyone gets pissed. This is republican tradition, get out of a hell hole red state you live in and then party like your in Vegas.

prommie November 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Hell, Thats what Vegas is, thats what Girls Gone Wild is, Vegas is just millions of fat, pale, drunken red-state jeebus-loving fucktards, fucking whores (until recently) gaping at the homo Tiger-tamers and drinking and gambling and puking on the sidewalks. The pure, godly, heartland jeebusers of amurrica turn into decadent, sodden whoremongers the second they get loose.

Beowoof November 8, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Having been to Vegas many times (I have family there) I can attest to having seen these very things. A weekend on the strip will leave you with a jaded view of American Christians.
Oh and you're also too.

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

"When the property manager went Sunday morning to formally evict everyone, [Whitney] Donald said Palazzo had caught a flight that morning. Later, Donald’s story shifted again when she swore Palazzo and his family flew out Saturday to tend to his sick mother-in-law."

The old sick mother-in-law gambit. These GNoP'ers don't have much imagination when it comes to making excuses, now do they?

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm

It's either that or the ol' "Family Reunion" thing…

TitsOccupado November 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

A guy I used to work with claimed his mother had died at least 3 different times that I knew of in order to collect 3 days of bereavement leave each time. That's Chootspah!

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm

TO:

I knew a young lady in college whose grandmother died. They had been very close.

It was sad that she got so much crap from people who didn't believe her.

Generation[redacted] November 8, 2011 at 4:33 pm

"Oh, please, you said your grandmother died last year. What do you have, like, TWO grandmothers???!"

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm

G [r]:

Not anymore.

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I think its pretty creative … compared to their usual excuse of, "But, but, but, but Clinton."

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Jukesgrrl:

WIN!

Or, Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's favorite "What about Obama and Bill Ayers/Rev. Wright?" – The Swiss Army knife of right wing nutz' excuses.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 4:53 pm

On the other hand, the old "It wasn't me, it was an impostor" routine does seem to be working out.

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Great song by Shaggy!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Better one by Chuck Berry!

Tundra Grifter November 8, 2011 at 6:32 pm

BzB:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y649DVdcQz8

Thank you! I'd never heard that before. Back in about '72 I heard him play a concert in Oshkosh. He played until the janitors pushed the bleacher seats back against the wall of the gym. His band (the Steve Miller Bank – without Steve Miller) had left.

And he was willing to sing and play the guitar (and, if memory serves, the organ – like James Brown liked to do) as long as we would stay to listen.

When he finally finished, put his guitar into the case, and walked out the door with the last couple of dozen people still there I shook his hand.

McRibzgood November 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

“There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … and a young man wandering around out front in his boxer shorts”

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Annapolis! Fuckin' amateurs!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS if you're going to pull some shit like this you do it in Fairfax (AKA Funfax).

ManchuCandidate November 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

So all we have to do now is wait for a teary eyed female staffer sending a text about running off to the nearest CVS for Plan B… assuming it wasn't a sausage fest.

PuckStopsHere November 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Toga…Toga…TOGA….

Otis Day and the Knights played this gig, right?

ManchuCandidate November 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm

More than likely ended with ritualistic spankings.

PuckStopsHere November 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm

"Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

"Otis LOVES us!"

offbrandboobs November 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"“There were bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumpers of the car … "

Time for a new GOP party anthem:

"Bottles on the front stoop, bottles on the bumper. Get a tranny hooker and pump her in the dumper..heyyoooo!"

Good times.

LesBontemps November 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Now I can't wait for the election night party!

HedonismBot November 8, 2011 at 1:26 pm

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

Blueb4sunrise November 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Ten Quatloos says that somebody did their Tom Cruise Old Time Rock-n-Roll imitation.

Not_So_Much November 8, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I wish I could give you ten upfists for a quatloo reference.

Blueb4sunrise November 8, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Thanks, but there's only room for one fist. I thought the Quatloos was an internet betting tradition.

Goonemeritus November 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

This reminds me of my cousin who managed a plumbing supply store. Every year when his boss went to Florida for two weeks I would receive an invite to the annual Annette Funicello barbeque and Hawaiian shirt extravaganza. Basically they would spread sand around the display hot tubs and everyone would eat pig roast and drink bear until the owner was on his way home.

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Drink bear?

TitsOccupado November 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Gomez571 November 8, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Annual Annette Funicello Barbeque and Hawaiian Shirt Extravaganza!!

Best name ever for a party!! Can I use this as the name of my next party?

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Goon, you should have put ® after it and charged Gomez. You're no Republican.

flamingpdog November 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Any relation to Enrico Palazzo?

Chillwaver November 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Ha, you beat me to it.

poorgradstudent November 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm

11 p.m.? What a prude.

Callyson November 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Donald promised to write the homeowner a handwritten apology and send an “array” of Southern Mississippi pecans.
Neither the property manager nor the homeowner had received an apology from Palazzo at press time. No word on the pecans, either.
Yeah, I know if my weekend were ruined by a bunch of obnoxious wingnuts, a bag of nuts would totally make up for it…

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 5:03 pm

["pecan", "pecan"]

McRibzgood November 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm

This is a crowd that Baconz and his friends can fit in with. Good people. Salt of the earth in my eyes.

HogeyeGrex November 8, 2011 at 1:56 pm

If you like salt in your eyes.

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Which one let the Porsche go into the lake?

chascates November 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm

With Herman Cain playing Dean Wormer.

Chichikovovich November 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

And Rick Santorum as Niedermeyer

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

And Michele as the horse.

Dok-cupy Everything November 8, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Best Obscure In-Joke in Movies: In John Landis's Twilight Zone movie, one of a group of GI's, lost in the jungle in Vietnam, says, "I told you guys, we shouldn't have shot Lieutenant Neidermeyer."

carlgt1 November 8, 2011 at 2:23 pm

and then Landis actually kills Vic Morrow & two kids….

imissopus November 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm

"Lower! Lower! Too low!"

ShaveTheWhales November 9, 2011 at 1:30 am

Even more obscure movie in-joke (very small clientele): I went to the same high school as the guys that made Airplane, etc, etc. I was a couple of years ahead of them. Their first "big-screen" effort was Kentucky Fried Movie, which was really a series of sketches, one of which was a very low-budget Bond send-up. The big villain was vaguely Oriental, and went by the name of "Doctor Klahn".

When I saw the movie, this caused me to fall out of my seat, because Dr. Klahn was the name of the principal of our high school.

Like I said, a small clientele.

JerkCade November 9, 2011 at 12:01 pm

I bet you're dying to see my operation!

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Mitt Romney as Greg Marmalard.

Dok-cupy Everything November 8, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Chris Christie as Flounder?

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Oh, that's good. I was tryin' to think of someone not too odious to be Flounder. Newt didn't deserve it.

not that Dewey November 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Does that mean we all get to vomit on him?

prommie November 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I assume that they just barely managed to ransom all the furniture back from the killer pimp, before the owners got home?

Not_So_Much November 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Yes, but the glass egg is still up somebody's ass.

weejee November 8, 2011 at 1:34 pm

gnocchi ≠ nookie

prommie November 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Gnocca.

ShitFilledExistence November 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Snookie < Wookie

qwerty42 November 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Time to revive Ask a Hill Staffer? This looks to be the perfect stuff to start with.

ShitFilledExistence November 8, 2011 at 1:37 pm

We know we lost the security deposit, but can I interest you in some… red velvet cake? Hmmmm? Now how about that deposit?

BaldarTFlagass November 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Bunga bunga?

Terry November 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm

These are Mississippi folks. The guys were involved in homoerotic frat boy hijinx and the one woman present (white of course) was busy wondering what it would be like to have sex with the one black guy present.

Not_So_Much November 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm

GOP staffers gone wild? But it also suggests women were there, so I have to call bullshit.

HistoriCat November 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm

As Terry said above – one woman present, she's wondering what it would be like to have sex with the one black guy present.

If there are two women present, the other one is probably wondering what it would be like to have sex with the the first woman.

Radio99% November 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

These government parties are so much better than the private sector parties.

flamingpdog November 8, 2011 at 1:54 pm

But they're more expensive. We need the make them small enough to drown in a bathtub full of gin.

CapnFatback November 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Wait . . . isn't "Southern Confections" Lindsey Graham's drag name?

GorzoTheMighty November 8, 2011 at 2:01 pm

WIN!

Dok-cupy Everything November 8, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I thought it was "Bertha van Nation"

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm

He uses that one at home. In DC he gets better tips using Southern Confections.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 8, 2011 at 1:41 pm

When we found out that he was not coming down with his family and kids, we decided to let our hair down,” Jason said

Poor Jason, doesn't he know that to go far in the GOP, your debauchery needs to include kids?

SorosBot November 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The NCAA also.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.

I'm sorry, I'm not down with the GOP kids today. Does "Southern Confections" refer to cocaine or crushed Oxycontin?

OccupytheDashboard November 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Animal House libel

proudgrampa November 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Toga! Toga! Toga!

(I know that's not original, but it's all I got).

Chichikovovich November 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I do hope these young men had the business acumen to nail down the film rights to their underwear escapades. A movie of this would become the "Animal House" of the Young Americans for Freedom".

ttommyunger November 8, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Sounds like a lot of fun, if I was 15 again.

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

They were probably just glad he wasn't coming… so their asses were safe for a night.

chascates November 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Isn't one of John McCain's sons still at the Academy? Trying to live up to the father is a McCain family tradition. That always fails.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 8, 2011 at 2:19 pm

There are still plenty of aircraft carriers for the young McCain to sink.

TitsOccupado November 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm
AlaskaGrrl November 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

"They will all make excellent terrible lobbyists one day." Lobbyists hell! Lying, stealing, cheating, debauchery, cover-up. We've got GOP Presidential material here.

SorosBot November 8, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Hopefully the staffers will learn their lesson and next time offer to share their beer with the neighbors.

carlgt1 November 8, 2011 at 2:04 pm

it could be some sort of experiment for Mississippi to prove life begins at the moment of ejaculation through egg fertilization — so they can enact some more draconian abortion laws?

meatlofer November 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Lots of seamen in Annapolis.

proudgrampa November 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

I see what you did there.

TitsOccupado November 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Calhoun
University of
Nautical
Technology, yo!

Antispandex November 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Um, hello? They have SO much better family values than those liberal heathens! They waited until AFTER they knew there would be no kids or their parents around to go get hammered and bang anything available! Liars? Sure. But think how much worse it would have been if it had been Democratic staffers.

valgal2342 November 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Bluto is so proud.

Dok-cupy Everything November 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

That's Senator Blutarsky, suh.

crybabyboehner November 8, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Ahm so sorry that one of my guests defecated on your bedspread. Please accept this delectable pee-can log as a token of my apologies.

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I just spit tea all over my keyboard.

Guppy November 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I think they meant Southern Comfort confections.

not that Dewey November 8, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Today, we are all "Jason", insisting to the neighbor that it would not happen again.

Mumbly_Occupado November 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm

They also offered Southern confections as conciliatory countermeasures.

Well, if one of their neighbor is Newton Leroy Gingrich, that just might have worked, even.

DerrickWildcat November 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I don't know how to party.

coolhandnuke November 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

All these future masters of the universe in attendance, skipped away from DC for the weekend thinking they all had a chance to score with miss Anna Polis.

ApplesauceRobot November 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I think the real story here is that Mississippi elected an Italian to congress.

SorosBot November 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Wonketters, if you're willing to sell your soul, I do happen to know of a Congressional office that's got a whole lot of jobs suddenly open.

James Michael Curley November 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

"These four things happen just before a NewMax heart attack"
Sarah Palin is caught pulling a train in a rented house in Annapolis.
Herman Cain is discovered to be the love child of Ronald Reagan and Moms Mabely.
You find out your suspicions about William Buckley were correct.
Barack Obama is reelected.

BigDumbRedDog November 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I wonder how many dead hookers they had to bury the next morning.

Joshua Norton November 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm

This just in. Michael Jackson is still dead.

That is all.

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 3:11 am

Francisco Franco Libel, yo!

OneDollarJuana November 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Republicans acting immature and badly. Who'd a thunk it?

What I want to know, is if'n there was wimmen there, and consequently some sexytimes, then how many of these Mississippian kids are going to be arrested for contributing to the delinquency of zygotes?

mrblifil November 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

So according to the GOP codes of honor and justice, the complaining neighbor will have his identity stolen, his kid's pinkie fingers chopped off, and his wife sold to a Saudi Arabian harem. And that'll be just to get his attention.

Ruhe November 8, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Trying to win favors by offering candies? Is it possible these staffers began as Congressional Pages and learned that particular strategy…um…first hand.

fuflans November 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm

on a much more somber note, if berlusconi really does resign, i will be forced to find all my political humor in the republican party and that will make me very sad.

also, no coverage of sarko and bamz trash talking bibi? seems like a made for wonkette story.

Kellycutler November 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Do not blame Whitney 

Everybody knows that Blake Farenthold's staff was behind this party. This story needs to be investigated better as Whitney Donald and Emily Wilkes (Farenthold's scheduler) through the party at the request of LD Blake Adami and his current boy toy. The GOP is clueless and so is roll call. Farenthold's staff through this party and Amanda Nunez the staff assistant for Farethold acted as Ms. Donald's attorney. In my opinion both offices need to hire new people especially Freshman Blake who has people like Olivia Chriss and Jessica Blake running shop. Why does Trust Fund Farenthold need to have rich girls and I look 60 Jessica Blake run his office. He needs to fire everyone including and he is against gay rights and his LD is publicly out. What is going on?  Whitney no blame please 

Urban_Achiever November 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Wow!
First we had Liz Becton and now Whitney Donald. What's with these bossy Hill Staffers and their delusions of grandeur?

lochnessmonster November 8, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Southern Confections…great stripper name.

stew1 November 8, 2011 at 5:00 pm

"Bitch set me up" presser about to start…

Jukesgrrl November 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Nine months from now the baby will be named Annapolis. (I'm assuming these GOP staffers will operate under the medical laws they attempt to force on everyone else.)

Advn2rgirl November 8, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Why would you assume a silly thing like that?

rocktonsam November 8, 2011 at 8:04 pm

when was the last time anybody "let their hair down?"

Negropolis November 9, 2011 at 2:59 am

"Southern confections"

So, that's what all the belles are calling it these days.

Their milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like…

Generation[redacted] November 9, 2011 at 9:57 am

If the GOP Congressman had just shown up like he said, it would have been a quiet evening of tickle-fights and games of pile-on-the-old-man.

thefrontpage November 10, 2011 at 9:55 am

A need for a simple statement here is greater than a need for comedy: The scheduler and the aide were just plain stupid. Absolutely, completely, 100 percent stupid. What a bunch of morons and idiots. Nimrods, too.

sbj1964 November 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I heard Donald Trump was in the house. You know Conan O'Brien does his hair. That's how he worked his way through collage.

MOG2410 November 8, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Hey, now you're talking Mid-West.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm

MzN is a secret Wisconsonant. This is the second time he's blown his cover.

MzNicky November 8, 2011 at 7:47 pm

"he"? Excuzes-moi, Mr. ZeBubba. It's MzNicky, Suthren-style. I maintain the Midwest's got nothin' on the Southeast in its love of melty cheese and bacon in any possible form.

BelleSC November 8, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Zees eez true.

I make it clear to any health care professional in my employ that should I lapse into a coma that the smell of cooking bacon will restore my consciousness.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 9, 2011 at 10:49 am

Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle.

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