suck his koch

Pervert Herman Cain Has Sexy Job Creation Plan For Ladies (VIDEO)

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So much for all those helpfully vague harassment accusations leveled against serial sex creep sociopath Herman Cain! Here is the disturbingly graphic money quote from Sharon Bialek, a former National Restaurant Association employee who alleges she went to Cain in 1997 for help getting a new job: “He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” And then he asked if she wanted that job or not. So technically Herman Cain might be right when he keeps saying those “harassment” charges are false, in the sense that they are actually more like assault.

Oh let’s see, what else… Bialek also said, or maybe her famewhore lawyer Gloria Allred said during the press conference, we forget, that Bialek is a Republican who attends Tea Party meetings and is *otherwise* in non-rapey situations a giant Herman Cain fan, which means that uh, it counts?

This criminal behavior is not particularly original either, according to the lawyer for one of the other accusers, which means this Bialek lady’s vomit-inducing tale of one noxious idiot’s idea of “job creation” is probably true.

From the NYTimes:

In an interview after Ms. Bialek’s news conference, Joel P. Bennett, a lawyer for one of Mr. Cain’s anonymous accusers, said that Ms. Bialek’s claims were “very similar” in nature to the incident that occurred between his client and Mr. Cain.

His client has not said whether Mr. Cain touched her physically. In a statement Friday on her behalf, Mr. Bennett alleged that Mr. Cain had engaged in a “series of inappropriate behaviors and unwanted advances” toward his client.

“It corroborates the claim,” Mr. Bennett said of Ms. Bialek’s allegation. Asked whether that meant that Mr. Cain had physically touched his client inappropriately, Mr. Bennett said “I can’t get more specific” but added that “I can say it is corroborating.”

And all of this was still in the nineties, so we still have another decade’s worth of Herman Cain sexual assault claims to catch up on! Hooray for Blowvember! [TMZ/NYTimes]

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    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Actually, I think it pretty clear he doesn't really want your vote (any more than Sarah Palin did). He wants attention and he wants to sell his dumb book.

      1. widestanceshakedown

        You can change your name, but I still know who you are. Welcome back, and how's the leg, commenter formerly known by several other names?

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Hey, there, my friend! My Pantalones are no longer so Pristine. ;-)

          Actually, it was ntDewey's idea. He pointed out that every candidate whose name/av I adopted crashed shortly thereafter. He thought I should do Erin Burnett the honour. Bitch is still around, so, just to preserve my WINNING reputation, I need to switch to Herb Cain. ;-)

          The leg sucks, and the insurance company is dragging out the surgery approval process, no surprise there. But, as if I didn't have enough shit on my plate, I just found out my sib is dangerously ill. So I hid out for a few days, and then figured, there's nothing I can do about it except be as nice and kind as possible to those around me, and fuck everything else.

          Wonketz is where I come to save my life and sanity. (Hugs widestanceshakedown) It's good to be back.

          1. widestanceshakedown

            In a word: Dag. Sorry to read of the troubles, but at least you have teh wonx for sanity preservation. It's why we're all here.

            Keep coming back.

          2. Herring_Burnit

            You are SUCH a sweetheart! No wonder I'm so madly in love with you. (Kisses the beautiful girl passionately)

            There. I'll be enjoying my trouser-tent for the next few hours. Thank you.

          3. Ayn Rand Paul Tard

            *pant pant* Wait…that's it? C'mon where's the big 'finish?' I didn't read all the way down this thread for nothin'. You want followers, don't you?

            Srly, welcome back, you seem to have some good friend-os here.

          4. Dok-cupy Everything

            Just be glad that Obamacare hasn't gone into effect, or you and your sib would both already be dead. Possibly twice.

            All snark aside, I'm thinking good thoughts into the aether for you & kin.

          5. Herring_Burnit

            Thanks. (squeezes Dok extra-tightly)

            Sib's living in Australia, where they have decent health care, but it's a rare form of cancer, with a 75% survival rate at 10 years, and the surgery is major. I'm trying to ignore the details, but every now and then it grips me in a death-grip. I could have only ten years left with this person, and we never had that much time together, because there's a big difference in our ages, and I was long gone before sib hit the teenage years. Also, I'm getting awfully tired of people dropping like flies all around me. I just fucking lost my Dad almost exactly a year ago, and my mother a few years before that, and I'd like a *teensy little* break before the next fucking funeral, but apparently that's too much to ask of life.

            So I'm reading about World War II and the horrible treatment of the civilian population on the Death Railway. Cheerful! Next subject: The Vietnam war!

            Why the fuck not? At least it's all unreal, distant, and the victims have long since turned to dust. I really need better reading material.

          6. Chichikovovich

            You need some humorous reading – I recommend Dead Souls by Gogol if you haven't already read it. But then you'd expect me to recommend that.

          7. Herring_Burnit

            Hahaha, you thought I wouldn't know from whence you got your nom du Net, but have I got a surprise for you. My father was exceedingly fond of Russian literature and made his children read it to him on the pretext that his arms were too short to read those books. (Don't ask me, we were kids and easily bamboozled.)

            I'm supposed to be reading a series of books on film next week, if I get done with all my dismal depressing war-related reading. Hopefully *some* of it will be light. There is one cool book about Muybridge and the art and science of film. Hope flames eternal, and all that.

          8. Chichikovovich

            I'm very jealous. I was a complete addict for Russian lit. as a teenager, but I was really the only one in the neighborhood. My father was a wonderful and capable man, but not much for reading or book-learning.

          9. Herring_Burnit

            I think if you'd been subjected to it as an eight-year-old, you'd feel different. I mean, I do love my Dad, and he's responsible for my love of reading, but geez, neither he nor my mother ever exercised any *thought* about what might be age-appropriate reading material for children. Between D.H. Lawrence and the exploits of the Nazis in WW II, I think I got an advanced edjumacation in the worst way. OTOH, he always said he made us read about the Nazis because he was doing his bit to ensure that never again would the world witness such a holocaust. And he gave me my first readings in human rights and labour history. But I've been (re)reading War and Peace for ten years now, and still haven't got past the first 50 pages. I blame Dad for that.

            You're not Russian by any chance, are you? Of course not, how could you be? Your turn of phrase definitely marks you as "not-American," though. British?

          10. Chichikovovich

            No, not Russian. Grew up in one of the French-speaking regions of Canada, in the only English speaking family in an otherwise 100% French speaking town up north in the back woods, or what we call "the bush". So my education was split about half and half in each language. That, along with the residual English and Scottish influence on Canadian English speech and writing seems to have given me an unplaceable style.

          11. RavenRant

            Sorry about the dark clouds above you. Re: the insurance bastards – no one who talks about 'free market solutions' for health care has ever dealt with a serious health problem and the organized crime cartels known as insurance companies. (Except millionaires and billionaires who never have to ask the price of anything.)

            I have found that dropping, "Okay, I guess I'll have to contact the Insurance Commission," into the conversation sometimes moves things along. It might depend on the quality of your state's insurance commission.

          12. Herring_Burnit

            Thanks, Raven (hugs the little bird).

            I sic'ced my lawyer on them. She's tough. Hopefully she'll step on their tentacles till they give in, but thanks for the tip.

  1. nounverb911

    And in other news, Mrs. Cain has been returned to the Stepford Industries Factory for an upgrade. Film at eleven.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      Didn't I SAY, when I saw that leer, that he looked like Chester-the-Molester, and I would NEVER leave young girls alone with him EVAH?

      I did. And did anybody listen?

      1. HogeyeGrex

        Well, that does describe about 90% of Republican politicians, so it ain't that big a surprise somehow.

        1. tessiee

          "that does describe about 90% of Republican politicians"

          Not to nitpick, but "don't leave young BOYS alone with him EVAH" would describe 90% of Republican politicians.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          I reckon after #3 stepped up, a pattern had been established. In an additional blow to Cain, the attorney for one of the women who had been paid off said that his client's allegations were very similar to Ms. Bialek's. Yeesh. Who knows how long this guy abused his power to mistreat women this way? I hope all the ladies who suffered at his hands will step up. And we wonder why young women still have self-esteem issues and starve themselves to death or cut themselves till they bleed.

          1. NellCote71

            So, does this mean that every single adult old enough to have castigated Clinton back in the day will now recuse him or herself from voting? Including Newt? Who actually ended up marrying the, uh, person he was banging while bellowing for Clinton's impeachment.

          2. Herring_Burnit

            I'd be very surprised if Newt doesn't try to capitalize on the Sinking of the Good Ship Cain.

            Remember, these are Republicans we're talking about here. There is no hypocrisy too hypocritical for the fuckers.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      yeah well Uncle Herman is giving a *press conference* tomorrow to address the allegations and I'm bettin' he says sumthin' like "the white whore bitch is LYING!" …and yet ironically/ coincidentally he will have NO facts to back it up

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Just the fact that she's a *white* woman means it will stay in the public eye, though. Because now every single racist teabagger is wondering about the ethnicity and skin colour of the OTHER FIVE victims.

    1. CliveWarren

      Moderator: "Before we move forward… A defined sexual assault or premium date rape?"

      Cain: " A defined… …You go first Newt!"

      Newt: "That is totally fair."

        1. anniegetyerfun

          I actually only have the most passing knowledge of Bangla and enough Hindustani to catch the drift of most Bollywood movies. So… um, shukran?

          1. Herring_Burnit

            Tai na ki? Ure baap-re! Tomar shami Bangali-ki?

            "Kundemaire" is Tamil for "cunt hair." For reasons that now escape me, we thought it was hilarious to yell that at people when we were kids.

            I used to speak Tamil, oncet, a long time ago. Hindi, not so much. Bangla, still pretty passable, though. :-)

      1. GOPCrusher

        But he's going to have to figure out someway to spin that whole African-American thing, if he hopes to retain the base.

  2. Indiepalin

    Maybe Ms. Bialek has some suggestions for keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of the Chinese…?

          1. snackypants

            My day job means I'm late to the Wonkette party, but I can't think of a better way to wind down than reading these threads. Keep 'em coming, folks!

          2. snackypants

            I have a good source if you want it, it's the same place I buy my replica Rolexes and my Canadian Cialis.

          3. snackypants

            And just kidding about the Xanax. I haven't touched the stuff in years. I'm more of a gin and tonic kind of girl.

          4. snackypants

            Ooh, I wish I could still handle pot but it just makes me paranoid and lazy, which is as bad of a combination as it sounds. Not too good when you're a high-strung control freak like me!

          5. Herring_Burnit

            As a fellow high-strung control freak, let me reassure you: I use it for pain, and it is remarkably effective (if only because you don't think about pain too much afterwards). But these days, you can get all these different strains and it's not like the old days when it was pretty hit-and-miss whether you would get some good giggleweed or some of that nasty paranoid shit. These days you can get strains that will make you more creative, or put you to sleep, or relax your jumpy nerves, or make you all obsessive and control-freaky. Very interesting, not at all like the old days.

            Of course, as an unemployed retired Oldz, I can be as freaky as I want, I guess, since nobody has to suffer for it but the cats (and who are they gonna complain to?).

          6. Dashboard_Jesus

            funny but that's exactly how I've felt about pot ever since college, 'paranoid and lazy' is no way to go thru life…now cocaine is a whole different story/ substance…in the 80s I took to that shit like a duck to water and after almost becoming homeless/ bankrupt/ dead I finally got help and beat THAT *habit* (ok addiction) that shit's so bad I STILL had cocaine dreams almost 20 years later, now that's some POWERFUL drugs! (thanks for the *trip* down memory drugs lane :)

          7. snackypants

            Glad to oblige your "trip" down that road, and glad to know you beat that evil evil white life ruining powder. For me, I've seen substances ruin too many people so I stick to the soft stuff and talk big. :)

      1. NotYerGaryBusey

        Mark Foley, Larry Craig, the super conservative minister that the EMTs found dead in his wetsuit/ masturbatorium. The list goes on, and was then coupled with the solid asswhooping the Republicans got in that years elections.

    1. GregComlish

      Is there no way this can work out? Please explain because I have a friend who is considering doing a girl at work. She is flirting and giving him all the signals. This is a woman that wants to get bent and he is ready for deployment. (Note: he doesn't want to date her, just do the nasty).

      Is my friend just blinded by his own lust and naivete for thinking this could possibly work out without serious complications?

      1. tessiee

        "I have a friend who is considering doing a girl at work. She is flirting and giving him all the signals."

        I can see no way that this plan could possibly backfire.

        1. GregComlish

          In my friend's defense, he normally would have posted this as himself but his better judgement prevented him from doing that at his work computer

      2. Guppy

        Nobody in your department and nobody in HR. And make sure you're not in each others' chain of command.

    2. UnholyMoses

      I thought it was "Never get your meat where you get your bread."

      It's so hard to keep up with the kids these days and their ever-changing lingo …

    1. SorosBot

      Many wingnuts have actually responded with this; apparently they don't understand the difference between a consensual affair and non-consensual sexual assault and quid-pro-quo harassment.

      1. HogeyeGrex

        Oh, they understand.

        One involves a woman actually desiring sexual activity, and is therefore evil and full of Satan.

        The other is the only way they ever get laid.

      1. ProgressiveInga

        Let's see, leader of the free world and an intern. No power differential there!

        ♀ Sorry, but my femi-nazi sensibility was tweaked. ♀

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Yeah, but let's not forget that Monica went to DC intending to earn her Presidential knee-pads. That's VERY different from some dirty old sleazebag grabbing your pussy in a car.

          1. ProgressiveInga

            I agree that it's different, but it is argued that when there is a power differential in a relationship, consent is not possible. All I'm sayin'.

          2. HedonismBot

            Do you mean that, morally speaking, all "consensual" sexual relationships must be between people of like power and influence? So, if a rich man and a poor woman fall in love, would sex between them be considered rape?
            Absent evidence of coercion on Clinton's part – especially none that could stem from his unique position of power and influence – shall we nonetheless assume that the inherent power differential made Monical Lewinski unable to assert her consent?
            Let's carry this further and look at it from a legal point of view: Good things could come from such a philosophy. For example, cell phone companies could be prohibited from making me sign a contract for their service. They've got the money and the lawyers on their side, and there's damned sure a power differential between us.
            On the other hand, this philosophy, when applied legally, could prevent me from entering into any relationships (civil, professional, sexual, etc.) with anyone who has more or less "power" than I do. In other words, your argument flies in the face of the egalitarian philosophy upon which democractic institutions are based.

          3. HedonismBot

            Following this argument further, democracy itself is illegitimate, because democracy depends upon the "consent of the governed," and there is an enormous power differential between the citizens and the government, thereby rendering that consent impossible.
            In an ideal democracy, average citizens ARE the government. But, in reality, they're not.

          4. DaRooster

            I seem to recall one of Monica's friends bringing the whole thing up… because Monica bragged about it to her. I would think if it had not been completely consensual and exciting she would not have been bragging about it and should not have saved the stains on the dress… it would seem.

        2. Mumbly_Occupado

          Right, but by the same token, there's problems with the notion that a power differential automatically==non-consensual. I think the existence of a differential necessarily opens these things to additional scrutiny, but don't think that means it automatically rises to the same level as a situation where there's implicit or explicit quid pro quo, as in the Herman Cain allegations, John Ensign affair, etc.

          1. ProgressiveInga

            Agreed. Not automatic, but the person in a higher place of authority is, in my opinion, setting him/herself up for trouble……especially when there is DNA left on a dress…..

          2. Herring_Burnit

            True. From the point of view of the person in power, it's a terrible mistake. From the POV of the person not, it's a great opportunity to give the fucker a virtual screwing, if not an actual one.

        3. RavenRant

          Clinton was on trial for the sexual harassment of an employee, and he couldn't keep his dick out of the mouth of his lowliest employee in the workplace.

          And what if you're the employee that's NOT sucking the boss's cock? How fair and friendly is your workplace?

          Finally, let them bring Clinton up. And then we can point out the three year shitstorm tantrum they threw and how they impeached him and how he was filth unfit for office and a disgrace to the country and a despoiler of marriage and the family and human decency, so how could they possibly defend Cain? That is if 'we' ever got the hang of messaging. Nevermind.

      2. Chichikovovich

        I've got to join ProgressiveInga in the on-the-parade-raining. Setting aside Monica, there were an awful lot of apparently independent accounts of Clinton behaving in a fashion so inappropriate as to be comparable to what Cain is accused of here. Even if some of them were false or exaggerated, there were quite a few that I thought were credible.

        Not that that makes what Cain did any better, or makes me feel that Clinton wasn't a better president than the alternatives, but those seem to be the facts.

    2. Herring_Burnit

      All fuckin' OVER the HufflePuffPoPos. Because to these yobs, sticking your hand up a strange woman's skirt is JUST EXACTLY like two adults having a consensual sexual encounter.

      No wonder those Red State putzes never get laid.

      1. RavenRant

        Well, Ross Douthat couldn't get laid because 'chubby Reese Witherspoon' actually was willing and eager and had contraception, so he lost his 'chubby Ross Douthat.'

        Consent does seem to be a turn off for these guys.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Ross Douchehat's disgusting essay on his encounter with that poor woman convinced me that, whatever he's got between *his* legs ain't that much different from whatever she's got between hers. I don't think he *can* have a chubby Ross Douchehat. Maybe more like a withered, wizened little pinky nibble. And thank Deity, I have managed to blot out of memory any recollection of the Young Republican who averred that ladyparts were EXACTLY like Playdoh and bacon.

          Yeah, they're definitely more into the rapey, BSDM-y sorta thing, aren't they? Schmucks, the whole lot of 'em.

          1. RavenRant

            And not the fun, 'let's dress up' kind of BDSM. The relishing the whimpers, tears, and choking sobs BDSM.

            Since we're talking 'bout sex crimes, anyone following the Penn State outrage? And this is a case where outrage is warranted.

          2. Herring_Burnit

            I have a whole squadron of friends who have promised to kick my ass if I read news after 9 pm, on the grounds that my arteries are prone to popping from reading about the injustices of this world. Sigh. I know it's about child sexual abuse, and I know that it involves covering it up for the sake of the athletic program. And even that is making me livid. Right. I think I'll just go torment the cats now.

        2. HedonismBot

          I have to admit I'm not familiar with your reference, re: Douthat and Witherspoon.
          But still, Douthat plus sex = EEEEEWWWW!!

          1. RavenRant

            You must, must, MUST google "Ross Douthat" and "chunky Reese Witherspoon". Seriously, you must.


          2. HedonismBot

            I did. I put some gas in the ol' internet jalopy, fired it up, and went for a spin down Douthat/Chunky Witherspoon Lane.
            And I discovered my first instinct was correct: EEEEWWWW!!
            Sorry, it's just that I try really hard to ignore the right-wing apologists and propagandists in the media, especially bench warmers like Douthat.
            It's like that old black guy said in "The Shining:" "They're just like pictures in a book, Danny." Ignore them, and they can't hurt you.

    1. Callyson

      She's trying to pre – empt the "what did she expect, dressed like that?" criticism. It will not work.

          1. Geminisunmars

            Thanks. Nice to make yours. By the way, in my youth I went pantie-less because I liked to have fun. Now, sadly, it is just easier on laundry.

          2. Herring_Burnit

            As an ex-colleague of mine likes to say, "Easy ACCESS!" She's young, what does she know. By the time she gets to our age, she won't be wearing 'em because she won't remember where the fuck she put them, or how to put them on.

  3. Mahousu

    America needs consistency and predictability. America needs Herman Cain.

    Well, at least America knows what it would get from Herman Cain.

      1. Banelm

        So really then, more of the same. Except he's right up front about it, whereas Bush was all "Pass me the soap there buddy"

    1. Herring_Burnit

      You know, Cleavon Little said that, and you just know a few thousand white women wet their panties or fainted.

      But Hermie? Not even with two brown paper bags over his head, and I don't care HOW big his dick is. The man is NOT handsome or sexy or any of that stuff. The man is SRSLY EW.

    2. tessiee


      It's even more remarkable when you consider that Herman Cain has never seen "Blazing Saddles".

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Really? He doesn't know what he's missed. Every time I get REALLY depressed, I stick that movie in the player. Damn, it still kills me laughing after all these years.

  4. Blueb4sunrise

    "Bialek also said that she is a Republican who attends Tea Party meetings…"

    Dern it. Now I think she's gotta be lying about Herm.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Yeah, if she was trying to gain credibility, admitting to being a Tea Bagger Republiklan is an EPIC FAIL.

    1. A_Z_0_9_and_

      It's a "culture of permissiveness". Plus, the alleged actions occurred during the Clinton presidency. QED!

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I wonder how they can possibly pin this on him? Not that I think they won't try, but much as I love the guy, he is THE ULTIMATE NERD. You just KNOW he never hit on women except with major lashings of Teh Shy, and he seems to have eyes only for his lovely wife. Yet, somehow, I'm sure they'll try to pin this on him.

        1. tessiee

          "I wonder how they can possibly pin this on him?"

          He's "urban", therefore his being Preznit sends the message that sexual harassment is OK?

          You think I'm kidding? I had a jackass co-irker actually say, in my actual hearing, "I don't like Obama's morals". I didn't bother to ask what that even meant because I already know that by "morals", he meant "skin color".
          *pinches bridge of nose*
          You don't know how much I wish I were kidding.

          1. Herring_Burnit

            Jeezus. Has there EVER been a MORE moral guy in office? I know he's bombing brown kids to death with drones, but that's sort of par for the course with American Presidents,judging from history. As far as that goes, he's killed far fewer people than any of the others so far, at least since this country became a Big enough Power to sit at the table with the rest of the murdering colonialist bastards. He's the only one who actually DOESN'T think all third world people are disgusting little mudbugs who should be crushed if they show any desire for independence. Unlike, say, Gee, Dumb? Yeah!, who thought bulldozing hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and burying them alive was, you know, something to *joke* about.

            These people boggle my mind.

          2. tessiee

            The co-irker to whom I refer was an asshat in general, but that statement was a particularly stupid/indefensible one. If he'd said, for example, "I don't like Bill Clinton's morals because he cheated on his wife", I might have made the counter-argument that he's a lousy husband but a good President, or some such — but that comment would have at least had *some* relation to reality.

  5. Goonemeritus

    Having been raised by Catholic immigrant parents I was taught to very deliberate and respectful when I was interested in getting to know a young lady. Parents were always involved in the early stages and unsupervised time only occurred after everyone was reassured of intensions. I can certainly see how shoving a women’s head towards my naughty bits would have been a real time saver.

      1. tessiee

        "The priests didn't try to teach you that?"

        Father Flotsky: Now Goonie, me lad, shoving a young lady's head towards your naughty bits may seem like a real time saver, but remember, it's a sin. Whenever you feel an impure impulse like that, shove MY head towards your naughty bits.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      When first meeting the parents, know that they just want to be sure of your intentions. It's best to be completely honest and upfront with them.

      "My intention, sir, is to fuck your daughter."

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I don't know where you come from, son, but where I come from, that's just like handing her Dad a blunt knife and pointing at your balls. If you walk out of that room with your testicles NOT in your mouth, you've accomplished something.

        1. tessiee

          Yeah, what's wrong with you for crying out loud? You don't say something so crude to your date's father! Say something positive and complimentary, like, "God bless, Mr. Smith, but that daughter of yours has one HELL of a shape on her! And your wife's not half bad, either!"
          MUCH more subtle.

    2. Herring_Burnit

      Yeah, back in OUR day, when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth, there was *always* a fucking chaperone around, and not a prayer of getting any, at least not from the pretty girls or the *good* girls.

      Of course, the whole problem with wimmin is, they don't *like* having their faces stuffed in one's crotch. Don't understand why. It sure saves time, as you so aptly point out.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        It is difficult to comprehend, when I spend the whole night hoping she'll grab my head and stuff my face into her crotch. Same thing, right?

        1. Herring_Burnit

          You'd think, but the lay-deez do not share this opinion. "Hoping" is mostly as far as it gets — unless you have a silver tongue.

          And you can take THAT any way you want.

  6. KathrynSane

    Good thing America is enlightened enough to not have the national conversation surrounding these serious allegations of sexual assault degenerate into a clusterfuck of victim-blaming and misogyny.

    Oh wait.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Sean Assity, at least, has seen this coming and has been working around it all week — his angle is that zillions of liberals have called Cain an Uncle Tom and other things, therefore their accusations are based solely on racist attacks because he's left the "liberal plantation." Which speaks to the allegations not a bit, but it certainly distracts everyone from them while Assity goes on to blame liberals for all the allegations. Anyway expect more of that.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        They're also spouting the meme that all these allegations are coming out because Herman's a black man, and liberals are trying to paint him as a lusty negro, and thus all the allegations are false, forever!

        Of course, their similar treatment of Clinton not 15 years ago was completely legitimate and called for, why would you ask that?

        1. Herring_Burnit

          The thing I hate most about this sort of stuff is, there IS something to it. In the sense that, for decades, white people told themselves it was OK to treat black people like animals because black people were not ashamed of their bodies or sex, unlike white people, and were therefore "acting like animals." They used that reasoning to justify lynchings, the Civil War, slavery, the sale and brutalization of other human beings. There's a lot of guilt about that that has never been acknowledged or discussed, except occasionally by lefties.

          So they take that little grain of underlying truth/xenophobia and they turn it on the very people who have actually tried to deal with it — liberals and lefties, black or white. Ignoring their own HISTORY of doing far worse. I mean, remember the Harold Ford campaign? They scuttled that man with one pretty blonde in a TV ad. And he's so light, PAPER looks dark next to him. That ONE DROP of an African ancestor's blood and his penchant for white ladies scuttled him.

          Now they'll string Cain up and blame it on us. See if they don't.

      2. tessiee

        "zillions of liberals have called Cain an Uncle Tom and other things, therefore their accusations are based solely on racist attacks because he's left the "liberal plantation." "

        As contrasted with conservatives, who want to have an *actual* plantation.

        1. RavenRant

          And they've learned not to be so picky about color. EVERYBODY can be field slaves on the Brave New Plantation!

        1. Limeylizzie

          MrLimeylizzie, who as an artist is always concerned with beauty in men and women, was watching Herman at one of the debates and suddenly said “That man is the colour of liver”.

          1. Limeylizzie

            I think MrLimeylizzie was thinking that he looked unhealthy, as his Location Manager in Chicago was very dark-skinned and Jack was always saying how beautiful he was.

          2. MaxNeanderthal

            My old college class mate, Kunle, was from Northern Nigeria, and he made everyone else in the world look like albinos. That bloke was B-L-A-C-K, and looked amazing. I thought I was alone in thinking Hermie is a very odd shade for a member of homo sapiens…

          3. Limeylizzie

            I love that really blue-black skin colour, but Mr Cain looks like a smoker and a drinker , he is such a dead colour.

          4. Herring_Burnit

            There's something very tight and fine-grained and silky about really dark skin. My best bud says, "Black don't crack," talking about how black folks keep their beautiful skin well into old age. But yes, that dark purple-black, almost the colour of aubergine, is just visually gorgeous.

            I had a lover with skin like that once. I used to love to run my hands up and down his entire body, just for the silky feel of his beautiful, beautiful skin.

          5. Herring_Burnit

            It has nothing to do with the colour of his skin. Usain Bolt is a VERY black man, and he is BEAUTIFUL. I mean, eat-with-a-spoon beautiful. And god knows, David Gulpilil is a beautiful man, and there are millions of Africans and South Indians and Aboriginal Australians all blacker than Mr. Cain, and all stunningly, gorgeously beautiful.

            Herman Cain is a shill and a hack, a shucker and a jiver, a clown who performs for the crumbs off the Koch Bros. table. As such, he is a disgrace to any person of colour. And THAT'S what makes him an ugly, ugly man.

          6. flamingpdog

            That's eggsactly how I feel about Sarah Palin. She's actually not a bad-looking woman, and a real hottie in her teenagers pics, but I just can't look at her without feeling physically repulsed because … she's a shill and a hack, etc., etc.

            Oh, and for the "best" of both worlds

          7. Herring_Burnit

            Obviously, I picked the wrong time to give up drinking. Or doing cocaine, speed, crack, heroin, and prescription meds. Or sniffing glue. Or paint.

            Thank you very much for that horrible, horrible image. I will not forget you. As soon as I recover, I might even do something about it.

      1. Geminisunmars

        He's probably been gaslighting her for years (now, Honey, you're just imagining that I'm trying to feel up every wimmen I meet) — and now she can be liberated from that marriage.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Yes, but the scales have surely fallen from her eyes now. And he's a preacher! I hope she does liberate herself from that marriage. And takes most of the bank accounts with her.

          This explains why none of his family has EVER shown their faces on the campaign trail, I suspect. They knew, or know, that something's wrong, and they don't want to know any more about it.

    1. RavenRant

      Let's hope she pulls a Jenny Sandford, and not an "every other political wife standing by her man in lady suit and pearls." Or pretending her helpless husband got pussy-mugged against his will by a sex-crazed Jezebel, like sad Elizabeth Edwards.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I feel sorry for Elizabeth Edwards. She lost one child to an accident, and then found out she was dying and leaving her children in the care of a man who clearly was wandering away from his responsibilites LONG before her children were ready to lose both their parents. I can't second-guess her, although I feel she was wrong to cover up for him. But she was a dying woman, and now that I have a sibling in the same plight, the quality of mercy, which was somewhat strained in my selfish person, seems to have sprung to new life.

        I'm very sorry for Mrs. Cain, but I hope she finds the strength to leave her husband and make her own way in life. It will be lonely and probably painful, but it would be worse to stay and suffer, in my humble opinion. Ultimately, I wish her well. On him, I wish a pox that will cause his weenie to shrivel up and fall off.

        1. RavenRant

          I get you about Elizabeth. She got served the worst of everything, with no let up.

          I hope Mrs. Cain walks away with everything, including his 'Black Walnuts'.

  7. Sue4466

    If these ladies aren't rich or don't have jobs, don't blame Herman Cane. They should blame themselves.

    1. HedonismBot

      Cain's defense: If attractive ladies are sexually harrassed/assaulted, they should blame themselves. Put 'em in a burka, and men don't HAVE to control themselves. Hard to tell what's under there!

      1. Sue4466

        And in keeping with Cain's evident support of personal responsibility, if Herman Cain harasses women, blame someone else.

        Never blame Herman Cain!

        Cain/Personal Responsibility 2012. Do as I say!

    2. Herring_Burnit

      Well, if they *wanted* the job that damn bad, they would've done what they needed to do, right? Bitches just want free money. (At least that's the tenor of the comments all over the Net from the RWNJs right now.)

    1. Limeylizzie

      No kidding, I am all for the oral, nay I love it, but get your fucking mitts off my skull , I know where your dick is there is absolutely no need to push me toward it.

      1. Not_So_Much

        Once again, my favorite Brit lass.

        I assume the head thing works in prison tho'. Maybe they're watching too many reruns of 'Oz'?

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah. The motorcycle-helmet-with-bicycle-handlebars-bolted-on works so much better, though it might muss the hair a little more.

    3. finallyhappy

      I remember that from many, many years ago- I didn't do it but I still dislike that guy(I wonder if he remembers?)

  8. A_Z_0_9_and_

    Gawd, Wonkette, it took you an hour to post this story? My clicky-clicky fingers nearly fell off from the blueballs!

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    "Yer Honor, I'd like to plead insanity."
    "Yeah, I'm just crazy 'bout pussy!"

    Apologies to C&C.

    1. OccupyFnChicken

      Having never heard it, I would like to request that you replace my Dr. Pepper-soaked keyboard.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Also, cat earplugs. I LOL'd while reading Wonketz snark this morning and scared the shit out of all the fucking cats. Poor li'l bastids! They regard the laptop, rightly, as an enemy, now.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Steve Douche is an incredible asshat. He came out on the local news last week with his allegations. This is a man who it would not be surprising to hear call a Herb Cain a "filthy n*gger savage" who is preying on white women.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          This is Steve Deace, a whole different guy, I hope. He sounds reasonably nice and respectful of Mr. Cain, and he never used the words "sexual harassment." He simply said that he felt Republicans needed to examine their candidates carefully, and that Mr. Cain was morally compromised because he, Deace, had actually been present at one of the incidents complained of, and it made him uncomfortable.

          Edited to add: If this is the same guy, please let me know. I can't condone that kind of racist talk, not even by someone who shares my feelings about Cain.

  10. chicken_thief

    Clearly Herm failed How to Abuse Your Power 101. Dude, you gotta make it clear on the phone before she even hops on the plane that there is going to be a little quid pro quo. A man's under a lot of stress headin' up the Restaurant Association, you know…. gotta ease the pressure before he can start thinking outside the box, so to speak.

  11. bravo_sierra

    How does one run for President knowing this is in your past? Did he just hope it wouldn't come out?

    1. SayItWithWookies

      He apparently forgot about the women he groped who weren't sworn not to discuss it after getting a settlement.

    2. ProgressiveInga

      Um, because he's not really running for president? Those books he sold (and bought w/ campaign $) are not refundable. He's smirking like a perv all the way to the bank….

    3. SorosBot

      By just making a vanity run that he never expected to go above a few percent in the polls, much less become front runner and invite the scrutiny of his past.

    4. Herring_Burnit

      I don't know WHAT he was thinking, but Chris Wilson, the Republican pollster who witnessed one (or more) of the incidents said that they were common knowledge, they took place in front of a group of NRA employees, and that some of the other people in the group became so uncomfortable at what was going on that they actually asked Cain to stop.

      When you have to tell your boss how to behave in public, let's just say it's not good. I expect even more people will come forward now.

    5. tessiee

      "How does one run for President knowing this is in your past?"

      *sotto voce*
      Maybe he's ot-nay oo-tay ight-bray, if you know what I mean.

  12. Chichikovovich

    Sorry for the repost from the end of the last thread, but this item gives it a whole new dimension of meaning:
    Last post, and comment:
    "The ranks of America’s poor are greater than previously known, reaching a new level of 49.1 million"

    The post misunderstands what the study was doing. It wasn't counting the number of poor people, but rather how highly individual poor people rank, on average, on the bamboozled scale (sometimes called the Poisson distribution). The scale measures how well a poor person conforms to the expectations of the oligarchy of the country in question. 100 points for blaming yourself for systematic unemployment, 100 points for despising any other person who suggests unionization or even just political action as a road to relief, 100 points for enthusiastically watching the oligarchy-approved propaganda channel for information,…..

    As you can see, the US has left other countries in the dust for first place. Even kleptocracies like the Congo have a hard time breaking a million.

    In the above post:
    "Bialek also said that she is a Republican who attends Tea Party meetings and is *otherwise* … a giant Herman Cain fan"

    Nothing to add.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      Even conservative teabaggers have a right not to be sexually assaulted when looking for a job. I might not like her politics, but I will defend to the death her right to be free of sexual predators.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Absolutely – I certainly was not suggesting that because she's a tea party enthusiast, that makes it OK. Absolutely not. It was rather despair over learning that even an experience like this – a glimpse into the seamier side of the power dynamics that unrestrained capitalism has always featured – couldn't dislodge her enthusiasm for the "restrictions on job creators = BAD", blaming the unemployed for their situation, etc. crowd.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Well, his economics and politics are from the 19th century, so it's corroborative that his attitude about women is too. I'd add "assuming her accusations are true," but one would have to be a complete masochist to falsely accuse a GOP presidential candidate of what she's accused him of.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Maybe not in cars — but Tess of Hardy's Tess of the d'Urbervilles gets used and thrown away in a similarly cavalier fashion — I think it was in a rowboat.

        1. Geminisunmars

          Ditto Dreiser's "An American Tragedy". Only not so much with the power differential, as the power-wanna-be. And early 20th century.

    1. V572625694

      I hope she's brave enough to endure the shit-storm she's about to enter. She's already exhibited extraordinary courage but they're going to dig up and publish and exaggerate every bit of imaginable dirt on her.

      1. RavenRant

        And if she's discovered to have ever had consensual sex – well, she's a slut, and therefore without credibility.

        Only cloistered nuns with medical proof of virginity can be 'real' victims. (Oh, and Sarah 'The Real Victim' Palin, of course. She can be a victim from 1,000 miles away.)

    1. flamingpdog

      I'd wait on that assessment until we see if Miche1e gets desperate enough for a boost in her poll numbers to let Marcus tell about the evenings he spent with Hermie.

  14. JustPixelz

    She's got that blonde Fox-y look.

    I'm pretty sure she's just reading from Letters to Penthouse. Needless to say.

    Imagine what Rick Perry's gonna have to do to be Herman's running mate.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      'cept those letters always begin something like "this never happened to me before", but it happened at least twice before to Cain.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        FIVE times. Two women at the NRA who filed complaints and were paid off; One woman at the NRA who never complained; Two women employees of Steve Deace in Iowa.

        Ms. Bialek is the sixth woman to make such claims. Things ain't looking good for Uncle Ruckus.

      2. finallyhappy

        Hey, this is nothing like the guy with the goose(bird) in the sack from Penthouse Forum. .
        Now if A goose comes forward and says Cain had him in a sack- ok, it still wouldn't matter to the GOP.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      In the same way that the only good investigative reporting takes place between the pages of Rolling Stone magazine, and critical analysis of political theater is best found on Comedy Central, this next step seems perfectly logical to me.

    2. MissTaken

      And don't forget it was National Enquirer that exposed douchey John Edwards for the douchey douchebag he was.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I hope his ten-minute speedfuck with the bimbo was worth the total extinction of his legal and political career and the 20 years of child support he's paying. Douchey douchebag doesn't BEGIN to describe the schmuck.

  15. SheriffRoscoe

    Herman's a troll. He upgraded the unemployed lady seeking his help to a suite. At what point does her ABORT MISSION sensor go off?

    1. Buckminster

      From the look of her, she wasn't exactly a spring chicken in 1997. I think most women know from about age 8 whether a man has bad intentions in asking her to be alone.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        She's about 50. 15 years ago, when this incident occurred, she was about 35. She's still not-bad-looking enough that I would hit it, although maybe after all the makeup comes off I might think again. But, hell, she's no worse-looking than Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann, and plenty of guys would do either of those two bitches in a heartbeat.

  16. OccupyFnChicken

    "He parked the car down the block…" (They're on the way — together — to a hotel, but suddenly they're gonna stop and fuck in the car?!)

    1. HuddledMass

      No, no, they were (supposedly) going to the NRA Office, not the hotel – he was going to "show her around."

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    Herman Cain is my name and I asked her to pull the train,
    Till so much media came, and tore up my 'scuse again.
    In the Winter of '95, I was horny, libido totally alive
    Paid her off, so the bitch wouldn't tell
    It was I time, I don't remember very well.
    The Night They Tore My Campaign Down…

  18. McRibzgood

    “He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.”

    I do this with the lil' lady all the time and she never filed charges on me. Oh that's right it was consensual.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      Exactly. Wimminz will put up with all kinds of shit if it's consensual. In other words, if you ASK your gf/wife/emergency-hot-lay if you can fuck them in the ass, chances are they'll say yes and even bring the lube. But if you grab some bitch's ass without asking, you'll be lucky to escape with your nuts intact.

    2. Buckminster

      'cuz copping a feel always has such a positive effect.

      She should have slapped the black off him.

  19. chicken_thief

    “He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.”

    Hmp. I didn't know Cain was ambidextrous.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Me too. I walked by Herman Cain in a hallway once and he said "Hello.". And with him, you know what that means.

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Listen, Mr. Cain was president of the National Restaurant Association. So clearly he had so check out how hot her oven was, and how much she could eat. This was perfectly legitimate.

  21. jqheywood

    in the sense that they are actually more like assault.

    Actually, a battery ("an offensive touching") in addition to an assault ("a threat or attempt to commit battery").

    The more you know….

  22. OneYieldRegular

    It would really be a shame if, from now on, whenever Herman Cain uses the words "job creators" or "job creation," everyone in the audience starts coughing loudly.

    1. Clancy_Pants

      Do you know why they call it a blow JOB? So it'll sound like there's a work ethic involved. Makes a person feel like they did something useful for the economy.

      ~ George Carlin

  23. weejee

    Since the righteous feel Barry's SATs are fair game, will questions about Herman's oral exams will be flying at the next Rethug debates?

  24. Callyson

    I know if I had to do Cain, I would consider it to be hard work, so maybe this is a jobs plan after all. Making Pizza Man the first Republican to come up with one.

  25. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Think of all the lawyers, paralegals, legal assistants and clerks Mr. Cain helped employ. He is truly a job creator. And yet the liberals just want to tear him down with their regulations and law suits. Why does justice and behaving properly have such a liberal bias?

  26. CogitoErgoBibo

    What was killing me were all the reporters asking why Bialek hadn't reported the assault either to the police or the restaurant association. Gee. Unemployed woman chooses not to piss off/create problems with her prior employer/employment reference. Unthinkable!

  27. carlgt1

    well he does seem like the typicall smarmy, sleazy businessman, i.e. at the level of a used-car salesman. of course "business executives" like this is what dittoheads think make great presidents. Like when you think of Washington, Adams, Jefferson, and Lincoln, the first thing you think of is their great corporate exerience…..

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Don't forget lobbyist. Somehow the press manages to say he was president of the National Restaurant Association without ever mentioning that it's a lobbying group. But it makes so much more sense when it's described that way.

      1. carlgt1

        I know – a bigger story should be this third-rate lobbyist Cain grovelling at the feet of the Koch brothers. Kind of like if Eddie Murphy in "Trading Places" was kissing the feet of the evil old men controlling & ruining his life. And not to mention his campaign-finance scandal which is amazingly overlooked.

        1. Generation[redacted]

          I'll have a lot more respect for him if he teams up with Jamie-Lee Curtis to take down the Koch brothers. Also, if we get to see her tits.

        2. tessiee

          "this third-rate lobbyist Cain grovelling at the feet of the Koch brothers"

          Maybe he thought the head pushing thing would be OK, since *he* spends so much time on his knees blowing the Koch brothers.

  28. smoothmineral

    When are all the women who didn't reject him gonna come forward?
    I want to see some gory details.

    1. Rotundo_

      I remember when the whore that Jimmy Swaggart rented out posed for Penthouse many years ago. Like that one, you might not want to see just what Herman has been tappin'. On the other hand I really feel for his wife who is a fine looking woman and really makes me wonder what the fuck he wanted or needed with these ladies when she would be most agreeable to come home to and have a candelight dinner and a good bottle of wine with in front of the fire on a cool autumn evening.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I don't know a whole lot about Mrs. Cain, but I'm told (by people more familiar with people like her) that she's a good, churchgoing Christian Southern Black lady who shuns public appearances and society and lives for her family and her church. I've seen photos of her, and she is a beautiful woman, gracious, dignified, and sweet in appearance. Now, she might be a harridan in her private life, but I kinda doubt that, because political campaigns, everyone's digging dirt, and if it was there we'd have heard about it.

        But you're right. Why on earth would a man who has a good, loving, loyal, beautiful wife want to hit on women who work for him? If your wife no longer gives you the sexual satisfaction that is every human being's expectation of a marriage, there are professional ladies who will, for a sum of money, satisfy most of one's needs, however kinky. But to shame and humiliate the wife who has stood by you loyally for half a century by dragging your marriage into the public mud, groping young women, using your power to threaten and intimidate them into sex — the man deserves for his wife to throw him out on the street with nought but the clothes on his back.

        I just have to wonder how much she's known all along. She must have known something, canceling her Fox appearance like that.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          I think she was completely clueless, and she canceled when he finally had to fully disclose to her whatever might be discovered by the media. The poor lady already doesn't make public appearances, so she is probably at home, devastated.

          1. Herring_Burnit

            Yeah, she spent forty years cleaning his shit, cooking, and raising her kids. And now she has to hear this. It's gotta hurt. I hope she's OK, and weathers this. It's one of those times when the atheist in me takes a back seat, because if anything could help her through the destruction of her marriage, it would be her faith, I expect.

  29. hagajim

    She said she was looking for a job and he just offered her a blowjob…what could be wrong with that?

  30. YouBetcha

    Is there something wrong? Whenever I'm in a vehicle with any person, be they male or female, I always push their head toward my crotch. My mother won't even ride in the car with me anymore. I think y'all are racist and targeting Herman because of his skin color.

  31. hagajim

    Don't the Republicans usually create blowjerbs for Lindsey Graham? I guess this makes Cain a true outsider.

  32. SorosBot

    Has some apologist used the "she was wearing a short skirt, so she was asking for it" line of defense yet?

    1. mourningnmerica

      She got into the car, didn't she? I think the Mike Tyson defense is in order here. Or, like Newt, why didn't he just marry her?

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      She was a woman, so she was asking for it.

      She was breathing, so she was asking for it.

      She was, so she was asking for it.

  33. hagajim

    I think Herm figured that he was a brother with another mother to the Koch, he'd share his with some lucky white wimmin.

  34. SheriffRoscoe

    "I upgraded you." Cain allegedly said. Then he added "You are under no obligation to suck my dick later, but I think you will agree that it would be the only courteous thing to do….."

    1. Herring_Burnit

      You know, the people who worked at that hotel probably remember this. It's not every day some guy walks in — especially some lobbyist for the powerful NRA — and asks to upgrade the room of an unrelated but hot blonde chick.

  35. Tundra Grifter

    Last week, Sheer InSannity gave Mr. Cain a one-hour infomercial on his radio show.

    InSannity asked him if there were any other women out there who might make any allegations and Mr. Cain's answer was "No."

    Now a fourth woman appears.

    Either there is a serious problem with Mr. Cain's memory, or…

    Meanwhile, the one hand up the skirt, one hand behind the head move would appear to be practiced. While it's difficult to believe such a crude maneuver would ever "work," anyone would have to develop that over time to combine the two. In other words, this wasn't the first time.

    1. neiltheblaze

      My very first thought, this. My second thought was "I wonder how many times he got away with it."

    1. Geminisunmars

      Turning towards her, his left groped, and right pushed. At least that was how my sexual harassers tried to pull this kind of shit.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I'm so sorry. I don't know a single woman who doesn't have a story like that, or worse. I'm just so sorry that it happens, sorry it happened to you, and to all the other lovely ladies who make our lives a little brighter just by being.

  36. OccupytheDashboard

    Where's Sonny when you need him?

    Sonny's playin' 8-ball at the joint where Sherry works
    When some drunken outta towner put his hand up Sherry's skirt
    Sonny took his pool cue laid the drunk out on the floor
    Stuffed a dollar in her tip jar and walked on out the door
    She's runnin' right behind him reachin' for his hand
    The road goes on forever and the party never ends

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Haven't been to a REK show since he performed at Bush's inauguration. Is it wrong to hold that against him?

  37. Diabeetis

    I'm unsure how this will affect Pizza Man's future political prospects. On one hand, the white blonde lady making accusations may do him in, but having Gloria "Bats" Allred as her lawyer doesn't exactly help her credibility.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. Gloria Allred seldom loses a case. If I needed an attorney, I'd want someone like her. Tough, competent, a take-no-prisoners winner.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        I'm with you on this one. Allred has become a little too lawyer-as-celebrity-seeking-high-vis-cases for my personal taste, compared to her employee-rights origin, but I've seen no evidence of any erosion of her tenacity or general smarts.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          She very rarely loses a case. And, most people don't know this, but most of her sexual harassment cases are pro bono. She takes no fees for defending women who have been victimized, in most cases. Naturally, in order for her partners to bear the cost of her pro bono cases, she has to ensure that they're high-profile enough to offset the loss of her very valuable time. She's a hella good lawyer, and if she's a publicity hound, at least she's doing some good for those who so desperately need it.

          If I were a woman looking for an attorney to defend me, I'd definitely want her in my corner.

    1. Rotundo_

      Depending on the size of the room and how tightly sealed it is, it would be a possibility. Given how wide Herman is, they'd probably survive, even if it were a very snug fit. Now if a vacuum were applied, or some sort of inert gas, such as helium it might be a pretty good test indeed.

    2. tessiee

      "would a good test be to lock Herman Cain & Ann Coulter in a room together for an hour? "

      I'm not sure what that would be a test *of*, but I'd enjoy the karmic justice of having Ann push Herman's head towards her schlong.

  38. Antispandex

    Maybe he had just read that Velvet Jones book, "How to be a Ho", and he was trying to help her out with on the job training? He didn't say job creator, he said blowjob creator? Help me out here Hermie,I don't think they're buying it!

      1. SorosBot

        Now I know they worship Joe Paterno over there, but didn't realize that he's actually in the same league as the Pope.

  39. widestanceshakedown

    Cain doesn't seem like the kind of man who would try something like that–with a still-conscious woman.

  40. mourningnmerica

    "You know I have a boyfriend''……. ??!?!!?!!!!???? (Otherwise the attempted sexual assault would have been OK)

    1. Limeylizzie

      I know I thought that was odd, but she is a Republican and looks like Jennifer Coolidge would play her on SNL, so all in all it's good.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I read that at first as Jennifer Flowers. I know, it was Gennifer, or some such. Anyway, they could be sisters, don' ya think.

          1. Geminisunmars

            Sigh. She was a bawdy, intelligent, narcissistic dame and I sure miss her. Her last years she was in dementia, and that was hell, but enough time has passed so that I'm remembering her in her finer moments. Sigh. Yah, you would have liked her.

          2. Herring_Burnit

            I probably would have. I'm not sure if it's worse to have a REAL human being for a mother or what. Real human beings can be such a fucking PITA. My mother, for all her faults (and they were legion) was, at least, interesting. A royal bitch, even on her good days, but interesting. All my friends' mothers were sweet ladies, but very boring. Of course, as a kid, I wished MY mother would stay home and fix my lunch and dinner, instead of working outside the home and being politically active and taking trips to strange countries and all that weird shit.

            Here's a hug, just because you miss your Mom. {}

          3. Geminisunmars

            I feel hugged. Thanks. (Sounds like our Mas were kindred spirits. As it seems we are too.) Hugs back at ya.

      1. RavenRant

        I tried the "I have a boyfriend line," when a guy in car was following me down the street, badgering me for a 'date'.

        His response: "I don't want to be your boyfriend. I just want you for an hour or two."

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Sweet fucking CHRIST!! Where do these fucking moron bazoomlets get this shit? Does this work for them? Surely there's got to be the occasional woman who will pull a fucking gun and put a couple of holes where the guy's nuts used to be?

          I'm vershmackt.

          1. RavenRant

            I'm vershmackt that I misplaced the quotation mark above. It drives me crazy when I can't correct my own typos. Grrrr.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      It's the classic art of the brush-off, to reject a guy without hurting his feelings or making him think he just needs to try harder. The key to a good brush off is to make a guy accept it and give up immediately, and walk away thinking, "She totally would have gone for me, if it wasn't for ____." I should know, I've been on the receiving end of a few (though I never tried the face-in-the-crotch approach).

      1. Mumbly_Occupado

        Not that I'm defending Cain here, but context matters. I've definitely *ahem* known a few ladies where the implication was less "… and that's why I'm not interested" and more, "… so he better not fucking find out what we're about to do". But then, that ambiguity is precisely why I don't really go for the hand-up-skirt, face-to-crotch way of showing interest, either.

        1. Herring_Burnit

          Like I said, if you know how to talk to women, you could probably talk your way into the panties of most of them. Women have pretty much the same sexual needs and wants as men — they just need to be talked into doing whatever it is you would like to be doing with them. Not shoved or dragged into it. Treat the lady nice, and she'll give it up to ya. Shove her head in your crotch, be prepared to sew it back on.

    3. CogitoErgoBibo

      My take on that was she was trying to find a way to politely stop a possible job-reference from turning things sexual without yelling, "Don't even think of going there, you perv!" (a statement which would have been much less likely to result in help finding future employment).

  41. Terry

    …and thus why the settlement was for a full year's salary. The NRA probably got off cheap, actually. A hearing would have cost them a lot more.

  42. weejee

    With this and Jerry Sandusky at Penn State over in Happy Sad Valley, Blowvember is starting with a hurricane compared to Viagra-deficient Cocktober.

  43. Herring_Burnit

    I don't know what all his other accusers looked like, but this one's going to be the nail in Herm's coffin. She's WHITE, blonde, pretty, young, and a fucking conservative teabagger.

    He's a dead man walking.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Republican Young Guns are in their 40s, and have you seen Sarah Palin in her muu muu?

      2. Herring_Burnit

        Oh, hon, she looks hot enough that *I'd* hit it, and MY dance card is pretty much booked. If Herm wanted to get away with hitting on a white gal, he needed to find one who would have to take out her dentures before blowing him.

        Every white racist in this country is going to look at that gal and think, "Why, that goddamn dirty bastard," while trying to smother a raging boner.

        1. BarackMyWorld

          Well, okay…there's "pretty", then there's "pretty enough". Get me a beer, and I'll take another look.

          1. Herring_Burnit

            As somebody else pointed out, this happened over a decade ago, she was probably in her mid-to-late 20s then, so, yeah, probably HELLA hotter. I mean, she's still fuckin' hot.

          2. Herring_Burnit

            Yeah, but for the conservatives, the ONLY thing that matters is that she is WHITE pussy and he is a BLACK man. Unless she's ugly as an old boot and toothless in addition, as far as they're concerned, it's a crime that he got to tap some blonde pussy.

    1. Guppy

      The only way this could have been worse is if she also had a hint of a Georgia drawl, to complete the image of Sacred Southern Womanhood.

    2. rickmaci

      Hey, remember, this was 14 years ago. Love to see some "then" pics. Bet she was a total vision of Chicago style blond hotness. If you have ever lived in Chicago, you know what I mean. Hottest blondes I have ever seen outside of Scandinavia and Russia. Kielbasa anyone??

      1. Herring_Burnit

        I wouldn't know a Chicago blondinka from a Siberian blondinka, but this lady looks just like a girl I had a HUGE crush on when I was 14 (except she wasn't blonde). She was 13, and a total troublemaker, but she had the nicest tits I'd ever seen in my life, and she was smokin'! And I never did it with her, which I will regret to my dying day.

      2. Negropolis

        Not really reading much about this, I was trying to place the accent and knew it was somewhere nearby to me.

  44. voodooeconomics

    who gives a fuuuuck about the deviant Jackson and his fucking doctor..

    talk about Cain, you stupid Wolf Blitzer. I hate CNN wishy washy bullshit

  45. MissTaken

    I'm a little bummed to learn that some seemingly grown-ass men still think it counts as foreplay to shove your head in their crotch for a bj. At least rub her nips for a bit first!

    1. Chichikovovich

      That's one of my first reactions whenever I hear a story like this about consistent, repeated actions actions like his: "Why do you do this? In your entire life, has this ever worked?" And then I think, well, yes it probably did. From the stories we're hearing, he was able to identify women who were vulnerable, who needed a job, or needed to keep a job, and he could make it happen or not. (Or at least, he could convince them that he could.) Some of them would no doubt be quite desperate. Frightened of the future, with children to support. So, yes, this approach probably "worked" many times, otherwise Cain probably would have adjusted the approach. And when my thoughts go in this direction, and I think of what it meant for the women involved, I get depressed.

      1. A_Z_0_9_and_

        It's telling that at the NRA he picked on women who made much, much less than him. He knew exactly what he was doing. Prick.

      2. Herring_Burnit

        I know. One of my girlfriends once worked for a guy who would follow her around stroking her hair. He never actually propositioned her or even hinted at anything sexual. But it was really fucking creepy to have that happen day after day after day, where he would either go to her office and stroke her hair, or call her into his office and stroke her hair. God alone knows what he was thinking. But she didn't want to make a "big deal" out of of it, and even managed to talk me out of visiting corporate headquarters so I could quietly strangle him and put an end to it. Instead, she quit her high-paying corporate job and spent six months looking for another.

        If it had happened in this bad economy, she would have had to take it, because we couldn't have afforded for her to quit her job.

  46. Gleem_McShineys

    So now we find out just that the "invisible hand of the market" is just Herman Cain in the dark?

  47. weejee

    Well this has to mean Hermie's 15 minutes as the Anti-Mittens is over. So now it's Uncle Newtie's chance to tackle the Teflon Mitt. Cancerous growth of Tiffany's jokes in 3, 2, 1

      1. RebelCountess

        Dear Herring,I stand corrected. Should have read more before I wrote.Go raibh maith agat! Rebel Countess—

  48. Herring_Burnit

    Thanks, Chich. I'm grateful that "here" exists. It's not easy because we live on different continents, so I can't just pack up and drive over. But being here keeps me from chewing my fingers into bloody stumps. I wasn't going to tell, but I'm glad I did. A-HEM!

    Back to our regularly scheduled programming. Erm, hug?

    1. fartknocker

      It's nice to have back on the block Herring. I hope your leg heals soon so you can make the trip across the pond to visit your sibling.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Gracias, Tits. I suspect I'll go like my Dad, clinging on to life at the age of 93 with all digits AND the beak. I just want to go before I lose too many more friends and family members. Sniff!

        Alright, enough with the self-pity. Whose asses can we kick, now?

  49. DahBoner

    "…And then he asked if she wanted that job or not."

    According to the educational videos I've seen, yes, that's how most job interviews in Canoga Park begin….

  50. owhatever

    You libtards cannot expect a man of Herman Cain's caliber to just masturbate all the time. As the good book says, "If thou ownest a pizza company, thou art entitled to free nookie, and not haveth to discuth it with thine enemies, nor verily exthplain it to thine wife."

  51. NYNYNYjr

    Wow– I can't believe you posted this racist video. You know Cain is black, right? Then talking about his sexual assault history is totes totes racist. Ask racist Rush Limbaugh.

    1. RavenRant

      If creeping a woman out with your grubby aggression and having your clumsy advances be summarily rejected = 'prowess'.

      Forgot. We're talking about Republicans. Prowess it is.

  52. MissTaken

    I cannot wait to read his book now, especially the chapter Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car

    1. DahBoner

      Especially the section entitled: "Here's ten dollars. Now go sit in the truck while I screw your sister"

  53. finallyhappy

    HEY, Kirsten, lay off the words "FAMEWHORE" for Gloria Allred- she went to the same HS as me- the Philadelphia HS for GIrls. our most infamous student was Terri Buford- Jim Jones and Mark Lane's lover- now there is a whore!

    1. ShitFilledExistence

      The C bus and subway were my lifeline to downtown in the early '90's. I especially remember Broad and Olney for the lack of transportation going north in the wee hours of the a.m…

  54. tessiee

    "He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” And then he asked if she wanted that job or not."

    Well, a blow job is *kind* of a job, I guess.

  55. tihond

    It's a shame Wayne Larrivee can't be used to announce "THERE IS YOUR DAGGER!" when someone's political aspirations are completely shot.

  56. RavenRant

    Some harmless hijinks, and the bitch has to get all bent out of shape. Geez, guys have to walk around on eggshells these days.

  57. iburl

    Imagine there's no pussy
    It's easy if you try
    No wife will blow us
    Her pussy's super-dry
    Imagine the hawt shorties
    Needing jobs today

    Imagine there's no morals
    It isn't hard to do
    Nothing to stop ol' Cornbread's
    Black Walnuts making spew
    Imagine all the pussy
    Working under me

    I may say that I'm a preacher
    But I'm just a pervy crook
    I hope someday you'll pay me
    And the world will buy my book

  58. Herring_Burnit

    Where the hell can you Google Tamil swear words, for goodness' sake? I NEED this information!

    At least the other Bangladeshis aren't calling him Lal Achmed, or whatever. The nicest Bangladeshi man I knew was named Kabir, and we always referred to him as Lal Kabir, because he was to the far left of Lenin. Srsly, these Bongs are just total fucking troublemakers, aren't they? My grandmother would have said "Oor madi soor, moina madi khoi," which is village talk, but essentially means, "Raising such a racket they're turning clay into sand," although it's far more colourful in Bangla, no?

    Just tell me if your shashuri knows how to make rosgulla, or mishti doi. Because then I'll have to pack my bags and come visit.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I'm afraid that my man isn't big on sweet stuff, and doesn't particularly know how to make any of it. Can make a mean pot roast, but even I may have surpassed him in that skill recently. He's too Westernized, I'm afraid (why he is referred to as a "Bong" by other Bongs is sort of beyond me). Not a head-bobble to be found on him.

      Bengalis in general, be they from the Indian or the Bangladeshi side, seem to be loud Communists. My type of people, frankly.

      1. Herring_Burnit


        Yeah, it's one of the few states that has reliably and routinely voted for the fucking Communists ever since the Communist Party was first founded. Nothing but troublemakers, and PROUD OF IT! Also one of the great centers of mother-worship, which is triff if you're female, but can be a bit crushing if you're male. OTOH, reading about Subhas Chandra Bose last night (another fucking Bangali, wouldn't you know), who appointed a female Cabinet Minister as his right-hand in the Free India movement, and insisted that she attend all Cabinet meetings with the Japanese at his side, in order to show them how women *should* be treated. Heady stuff!

  59. Hagar7

    Okay, it's time for Joel Bennett's Not Me to step up or shut up. Herman Cain is done, and I've always thought he was a shitpot anyway, but I'm also all about the opportunity to face your accuser, which means I'm pretty tired of hearing about the claims of Ann Onamis via her coy-ass attorney.

  60. AddHomonym

    Late-breaking! THE POLITICO quotes a Cain fundraising email:

    "I also had to make tough decisions during these years. I turned around a poorly performing region for Burger King, then turned around a struggling Godfather's Pizza organization. At some point during a career like this, someone will not like things you do, or how you do it. Someone will complain."

    That rat-bastard Ronald McDonald is behind this. I knew it!

  61. ttommyunger

    "He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” This may seem crass, but in fairness to Hermie, it always works when he's in a Limo with the Koch Brothers; 'course, he's the one giving the blowjob then, but…..

  62. Troglodeity

    Sorry if previously posted. Saw a great bumper sticker:

    Herman Cain 2012: You Want a Job, Don't You?

  63. schvitzatura

    Does Sharon enjoy her vegetables as much as Kortney does? She obvs did not want anything to do with Cain's dusky trouser trout..

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