SUCK HIS KOCH  3:47 pm November 7, 2011

Pervert Herman Cain Has Sexy Job Creation Plan For Ladies (VIDEO)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

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So much for all those helpfully vague harassment accusations leveled against serial sex creep sociopath Herman Cain! Here is the disturbingly graphic money quote from Sharon Bialek, a former National Restaurant Association employee who alleges she went to Cain in 1997 for help getting a new job: “He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” And then he asked if she wanted that job or not. So technically Herman Cain might be right when he keeps saying those “harassment” charges are false, in the sense that they are actually more like assault.

Oh let’s see, what else… Bialek also said, or maybe her famewhore lawyer Gloria Allred said during the press conference, we forget, that Bialek is a Republican who attends Tea Party meetings and is *otherwise* in non-rapey situations a giant Herman Cain fan, which means that uh, it counts?

This criminal behavior is not particularly original either, according to the lawyer for one of the other accusers, which means this Bialek lady’s vomit-inducing tale of one noxious idiot’s idea of “job creation” is probably true.

From the NYTimes:

In an interview after Ms. Bialek’s news conference, Joel P. Bennett, a lawyer for one of Mr. Cain’s anonymous accusers, said that Ms. Bialek’s claims were “very similar” in nature to the incident that occurred between his client and Mr. Cain.

His client has not said whether Mr. Cain touched her physically. In a statement Friday on her behalf, Mr. Bennett alleged that Mr. Cain had engaged in a “series of inappropriate behaviors and unwanted advances” toward his client.

“It corroborates the claim,” Mr. Bennett said of Ms. Bialek’s allegation. Asked whether that meant that Mr. Cain had physically touched his client inappropriately, Mr. Bennett said “I can’t get more specific” but added that “I can say it is corroborating.”

And all of this was still in the nineties, so we still have another decade’s worth of Herman Cain sexual assault claims to catch up on! Hooray for Blowvember! [TMZ/NYTimes]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 627 comments }

CliveWarren November 7, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Well, Herman… You want my vote, don't you?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm

You really *want* Cain to get busy on ya? Eww.

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Double bag it.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Actually, I think it pretty clear he doesn't really want your vote (any more than Sarah Palin did). He wants attention and he wants to sell his dumb book.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Sounds like he's already got plenty of material for the sequel.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm

This is Herman Cain's Sexual Assault Conviction!

DrunkIrishman November 7, 2011 at 3:48 pm

No, Herman, I do not want to try your Deep Dish.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

What about his 10-inch special?

Fare la Volpe November 7, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Why do I get the feeling that Herman isn't even packing half a bread stick?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Because you have that well-known Gay Men's Ability To Tell Who's Packing?

This guy ain't even pushing a nub, let alone a basket.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

This is just the kind of thing that makes libs mad, so expect the Hermanator's GOP pole numbers to go up.
~

Trannysurprise November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Someone's pole is going up. Hahaha – I'll be here all week.

LowProfileinGA November 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Beat me to it. The comment, that is.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Yeah, as in "the number of poles from which the teatard tighty-whitey-righties will want to string him up."

widestanceshakedown November 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm

You can change your name, but I still know who you are. Welcome back, and how's the leg, commenter formerly known by several other names?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Hey, there, my friend! My Pantalones are no longer so Pristine. ;-)

Actually, it was ntDewey's idea. He pointed out that every candidate whose name/av I adopted crashed shortly thereafter. He thought I should do Erin Burnett the honour. Bitch is still around, so, just to preserve my WINNING reputation, I need to switch to Herb Cain. ;-)

The leg sucks, and the insurance company is dragging out the surgery approval process, no surprise there. But, as if I didn't have enough shit on my plate, I just found out my sib is dangerously ill. So I hid out for a few days, and then figured, there's nothing I can do about it except be as nice and kind as possible to those around me, and fuck everything else.

Wonketz is where I come to save my life and sanity. (Hugs widestanceshakedown) It's good to be back.

widestanceshakedown November 7, 2011 at 5:22 pm

In a word: Dag. Sorry to read of the troubles, but at least you have teh wonx for sanity preservation. It's why we're all here.

Keep coming back.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Oh baby, I am so sorry that life is being tough , but welcome home.

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Just be glad that Obamacare hasn't gone into effect, or you and your sib would both already be dead. Possibly twice.

All snark aside, I'm thinking good thoughts into the aether for you & kin.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Sorry about the dark clouds above you. Re: the insurance bastards – no one who talks about 'free market solutions' for health care has ever dealt with a serious health problem and the organized crime cartels known as insurance companies. (Except millionaires and billionaires who never have to ask the price of anything.)

I have found that dropping, "Okay, I guess I'll have to contact the Insurance Commission," into the conversation sometimes moves things along. It might depend on the quality of your state's insurance commission.

Trannysurprise November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

And she still didn't get a job. Jobs plan = fail.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

He didn't get a job either. Public policy isn't his strong suit, apparently.

mrpuma2u November 8, 2011 at 8:11 am

Oh yes, and Herman, if you can't keep your pervy hands off of anyone around you, BLAME YOURSELF!

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

No Ladies left behind!

memzilla November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

"No Lady's behind left!"

/fixed

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Or maybe no ladies left alone.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Dammit, memzilla, *I* was gonna say that!

I'm *always* late to the party … mutter, grumble.

Wilcoxyz November 7, 2011 at 4:34 pm

No ladies' behinds left alone.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Recycled from Marcus's "No laddie's left behind."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:39 pm

You're a BAD, BAD Oldz, Geminisunmars.

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

And in other news, Mrs. Cain has been returned to the Stepford Industries Factory for an upgrade. Film at eleven.

CliveWarren November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

That creepy Herman smile at the end of his TV commercials just got a whole lot creepier…

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Didn't I SAY, when I saw that leer, that he looked like Chester-the-Molester, and I would NEVER leave young girls alone with him EVAH?

I did. And did anybody listen?

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Well, that does describe about 90% of Republican politicians, so it ain't that big a surprise somehow.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:26 pm

HA! (Hands HogeyeGrex The TeeShirt) Here's your prize. You win.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:22 pm

"that does describe about 90% of Republican politicians"

Not to nitpick, but "don't leave young BOYS alone with him EVAH" would describe 90% of Republican politicians.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Yaknow? Good point. Don't leave ANY LIFEFORM alone with a Republican politician! Especially if it's young and helpless!

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I think there is a 99.9% chance these allegations are true.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Oh, shit, yeah, now that there's SIX ladies all saying the same thing.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Is it a pattern yet?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:23 pm

I reckon after #3 stepped up, a pattern had been established. In an additional blow to Cain, the attorney for one of the women who had been paid off said that his client's allegations were very similar to Ms. Bialek's. Yeesh. Who knows how long this guy abused his power to mistreat women this way? I hope all the ladies who suffered at his hands will step up. And we wonder why young women still have self-esteem issues and starve themselves to death or cut themselves till they bleed.

NellCote71 November 7, 2011 at 6:46 pm

So, does this mean that every single adult old enough to have castigated Clinton back in the day will now recuse him or herself from voting? Including Newt? Who actually ended up marrying the, uh, person he was banging while bellowing for Clinton's impeachment.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:23 pm

"an additional blow to Cain"

(tee hee)

Dashboard_Jesus November 7, 2011 at 11:06 pm

yeah well Uncle Herman is giving a *press conference* tomorrow to address the allegations and I'm bettin' he says sumthin' like "the white whore bitch is LYING!" …and yet ironically/ coincidentally he will have NO facts to back it up

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Just the fact that she's a *white* woman means it will stay in the public eye, though. Because now every single racist teabagger is wondering about the ethnicity and skin colour of the OTHER FIVE victims.

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

"Do you wanna Fucki-Fucki-Fucki-Cain-Cain?"

CliveWarren November 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Moderator: "Before we move forward… A defined sexual assault or premium date rape?"

Cain: " A defined… …You go first Newt!"

Newt: "That is totally fair."

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Well played.

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Newt: "…but I believe that it would be wise to ask President Clinton to define 'sexual act' for us first."

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm

"That depends on your definition of what the "is" is…"

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 10:21 pm

The "isness" of this moment is so pregnant with WIN.

Dashboard_Jesus November 7, 2011 at 11:15 pm

WIN!

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Haters gonna' hate, lovers gonna' love.

This is so much better than Pepsi and pubes.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Makes Clarence seem like David Niven in a 1950s rom-com.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm

With that delightful Doris Day.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Nothing more dapper than a pencil-thin mustache …or so it used to seem.

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Nothing is better than Cokes and cunt hairs.

NOTHING.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I'm sure you have at least some acquaintance with the Tamil language. So to you, I say, "kundemaire."

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 7:21 pm

I actually only have the most passing knowledge of Bangla and enough Hindustani to catch the drift of most Bollywood movies. So… um, shukran?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Tai na ki? Ure baap-re! Tomar shami Bangali-ki?

"Kundemaire" is Tamil for "cunt hair." For reasons that now escape me, we thought it was hilarious to yell that at people when we were kids.

I used to speak Tamil, oncet, a long time ago. Hindi, not so much. Bangla, still pretty passable, though. :-)

ifthethunderdontgetya November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

So it's spelled Blovember, not Blowvember?

We need a Wonkette tag!
~

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I thought it was "No-Member." Obvs, I've been HAD.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Okay–you're it!

memzilla November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

GOP nomination?

Cain is not Able.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

He still has a shot… uh, no pun intended – his name still isn't "Mitt Romney".

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm

But he's going to have to figure out someway to spin that whole African-American thing, if he hopes to retain the base.

Indiepalin November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Maybe Ms. Bialek has some suggestions for keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of the Chinese…?

NotYerGaryBusey November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Best Cocktober/ Blowvember combo since '06! Lets hope it holds out through Dickcember.

memzilla November 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Maybe even through Jizzuary!

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I hope so. Last year I had no material for Fapruary.

jus_wonderin November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Poor March.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Oh, no, we Marched Fourth without a problem.

jqheywood November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Or Fapuary?

BarryOPotter November 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Jizzuary

OK, that made me laugh out loud!

CrunchyKnee November 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Ahhh, the HEADY days of '06.

berkeleyfarm November 8, 2011 at 12:22 am

OK, since I'm getting older and have the memory of a sieve … what happened in '06?

NotYerGaryBusey November 10, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Mark Foley, Larry Craig, the super conservative minister that the EMTs found dead in his wetsuit/ masturbatorium. The list goes on, and was then coupled with the solid asswhooping the Republicans got in that years elections.

Eve8Apples November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I want to see the dirty dress with the pizza sauce hand prints.

LowProfileinGA November 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm

The winner!

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

"He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch…"

Herman Cain, the (blow)job creator.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Yeah, except he didn't tell us it was *blow* jobs he was best at creating.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2011 at 6:22 pm

I found my Special Purpose!!!

Dashboard_Jesus November 8, 2011 at 2:20 am

damn, the blowjob jokes just keep cumming!

Slim_Pickins November 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Work Rule #0 is "NEVER get your pussy where you get your paycheck."

Maman November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

The corollary to "Don't shit where you eat"?

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Isn't that a Dirty Sanchez?

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm

What if you have an office at home?

Oh, still works.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Works better!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Pussy, dick, genitalia, in general. Don't mess your own bed. Because once the bed has been shat in, ain't no way you can unshit the bed.

GregComlish November 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Is there no way this can work out? Please explain because I have a friend who is considering doing a girl at work. She is flirting and giving him all the signals. This is a woman that wants to get bent and he is ready for deployment. (Note: he doesn't want to date her, just do the nasty).

Is my friend just blinded by his own lust and naivete for thinking this could possibly work out without serious complications?

MightySix November 7, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Yes.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Do we look like Dan Savage to you?

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:33 pm

You're much more dashing, Chet.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Agreed. And his music collection is to die for.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Yes. NEVER EVER fuck your colleagues. EVER. You have NO idea how or where the chips might fall.

Swampgas_Man November 7, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Never fuck your colleagues, unless you make sure they STAY fucked, ifyouknowwhatImean.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Hahaha. As in "where no one will EVAH find the bodies." Indeedy.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:32 pm

"I have a friend who is considering doing a girl at work. She is flirting and giving him all the signals."

I can see no way that this plan could possibly backfire.

Spurning Beer November 7, 2011 at 8:56 pm

I have this friend….

GregComlish November 8, 2011 at 7:38 am

In my friend's defense, he normally would have posted this as himself but his better judgement prevented him from doing that at his work computer

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 10:13 pm

I think I saw this in Letters to Wonkhouse a few years ago, but I forget the answer.

Guppy November 8, 2011 at 1:10 am

Nobody in your department and nobody in HR. And make sure you're not in each others' chain of command.

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 12:38 am

This comment currently has 69 upfists, which seems apropos.

UnholyMoses November 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm

I thought it was "Never get your meat where you get your bread."

It's so hard to keep up with the kids these days and their ever-changing lingo …

x111e7thst November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

But, but, Bill Clinton. Monica What's-hername, also.Too.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Many wingnuts have actually responded with this; apparently they don't understand the difference between a consensual affair and non-consensual sexual assault and quid-pro-quo harassment.

HogeyeGrex November 7, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Oh, they understand.

One involves a woman actually desiring sexual activity, and is therefore evil and full of Satan.

The other is the only way they ever get laid.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Upfisted for truth in telling.

Dashboard_Jesus November 8, 2011 at 2:25 am

fuck, that made me spew wine out my nose, AGAIN!

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Clinton's a cad, but that was at least consensual.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Let's see, leader of the free world and an intern. No power differential there!

♀ Sorry, but my femi-nazi sensibility was tweaked. ♀

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Yeah, but let's not forget that Monica went to DC intending to earn her Presidential knee-pads. That's VERY different from some dirty old sleazebag grabbing your pussy in a car.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I agree that it's different, but it is argued that when there is a power differential in a relationship, consent is not possible. All I'm sayin'.

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Right, but by the same token, there's problems with the notion that a power differential automatically==non-consensual. I think the existence of a differential necessarily opens these things to additional scrutiny, but don't think that means it automatically rises to the same level as a situation where there's implicit or explicit quid pro quo, as in the Herman Cain allegations, John Ensign affair, etc.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Agreed. Not automatic, but the person in a higher place of authority is, in my opinion, setting him/herself up for trouble……especially when there is DNA left on a dress…..

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Clinton was on trial for the sexual harassment of an employee, and he couldn't keep his dick out of the mouth of his lowliest employee in the workplace.

And what if you're the employee that's NOT sucking the boss's cock? How fair and friendly is your workplace?

Finally, let them bring Clinton up. And then we can point out the three year shitstorm tantrum they threw and how they impeached him and how he was filth unfit for office and a disgrace to the country and a despoiler of marriage and the family and human decency, so how could they possibly defend Cain? That is if 'we' ever got the hang of messaging. Nevermind.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I've got to join ProgressiveInga in the on-the-parade-raining. Setting aside Monica, there were an awful lot of apparently independent accounts of Clinton behaving in a fashion so inappropriate as to be comparable to what Cain is accused of here. Even if some of them were false or exaggerated, there were quite a few that I thought were credible.

Not that that makes what Cain did any better, or makes me feel that Clinton wasn't a better president than the alternatives, but those seem to be the facts.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

All fuckin' OVER the HufflePuffPoPos. Because to these yobs, sticking your hand up a strange woman's skirt is JUST EXACTLY like two adults having a consensual sexual encounter.

No wonder those Red State putzes never get laid.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Well, Ross Douthat couldn't get laid because 'chubby Reese Witherspoon' actually was willing and eager and had contraception, so he lost his 'chubby Ross Douthat.'

Consent does seem to be a turn off for these guys.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Ross Douchehat's disgusting essay on his encounter with that poor woman convinced me that, whatever he's got between *his* legs ain't that much different from whatever she's got between hers. I don't think he *can* have a chubby Ross Douchehat. Maybe more like a withered, wizened little pinky nibble. And thank Deity, I have managed to blot out of memory any recollection of the Young Republican who averred that ladyparts were EXACTLY like Playdoh and bacon.

Yeah, they're definitely more into the rapey, BSDM-y sorta thing, aren't they? Schmucks, the whole lot of 'em.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:41 pm

And not the fun, 'let's dress up' kind of BDSM. The relishing the whimpers, tears, and choking sobs BDSM.

Since we're talking 'bout sex crimes, anyone following the Penn State outrage? And this is a case where outrage is warranted.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I have to admit I'm not familiar with your reference, re: Douthat and Witherspoon.
But still, Douthat plus sex = EEEEEWWWW!!

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:36 pm

You must, must, MUST google "Ross Douthat" and "chunky Reese Witherspoon". Seriously, you must.

Seriously.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:53 pm

What RavenRant said. You MUST. And then you can wander over to Sadly, No! for a brilliant takedown of Ross Douchehat.

OccupyFnChicken November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Lady, why the fuck did you tell us what you were wearing?

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

She's trying to pre – empt the "what did she expect, dressed like that?" criticism. It will not work.

jus_wonderin November 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I understand the reasoning, but was just waiting for a description of panties.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 6:07 pm

What panties?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Y'all go commando, again?

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Still.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Yeah, I was preparing to jerk off, then she stopped. What a tease.

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Exactly what Spermin' Herman thought.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Typical…

rickmaci November 7, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Herm was checking to see if she is commando maybe?

Mahousu November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

America needs consistency and predictability. America needs Herman Cain.

Well, at least America knows what it would get from Herman Cain.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Boy, does it ever. "Bend over and hand me that lube, bitch."

Banelm November 8, 2011 at 3:32 am

So really then, more of the same. Except he's right up front about it, whereas Bush was all "Pass me the soap there buddy"

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Hold the sausage, please.

Eve8Apples November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

that's what HE said.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Tastes great, less willing.

Fare la Volpe November 7, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I'm sewing this on a pillow.

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Doesn't sound very "please-y". More like, 'is The Godfather gonna hafta smack a bitch up?'

Swampgas_Man November 7, 2011 at 6:40 pm

It's probably more like an anchovy.

chascates November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Meatza! Meatza!

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Fuck it, I'll say it…

WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT???

memzilla November 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Gloria Allred's reception desk.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:32 pm

You know, Cleavon Little said that, and you just know a few thousand white women wet their panties or fainted.

But Hermie? Not even with two brown paper bags over his head, and I don't care HOW big his dick is. The man is NOT handsome or sexy or any of that stuff. The man is SRSLY EW.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm

"WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT???"

It's even more remarkable when you consider that Herman Cain has never seen "Blazing Saddles".

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Really? He doesn't know what he's missed. Every time I get REALLY depressed, I stick that movie in the player. Damn, it still kills me laughing after all these years.

Blueb4sunrise November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

"Bialek also said that she is a Republican who attends Tea Party meetings…"

Dern it. Now I think she's gotta be lying about Herm.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Yeah, if she was trying to gain credibility, admitting to being a Tea Bagger Republiklan is an EPIC FAIL.

Blueb4sunrise November 7, 2011 at 10:03 pm

This might have been the first time I moused over your grav. It's a good-un.

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm

LIBRUL PLANT!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Water weekly!

tihond November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Somehow, the right will successfully blame this on Bill Clinton.

CliveWarren November 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

The Cain camp will probably say this woman is actually Rick Perry…

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

and they may be right – anyone seem Rick today?!

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm

It's a "culture of permissiveness". Plus, the alleged actions occurred during the Clinton presidency. QED!

NellCote71 November 7, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Or Obama. Somehow this has to be Obama's fault.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:22 pm

I wonder how they can possibly pin this on him? Not that I think they won't try, but much as I love the guy, he is THE ULTIMATE NERD. You just KNOW he never hit on women except with major lashings of Teh Shy, and he seems to have eyes only for his lovely wife. Yet, somehow, I'm sure they'll try to pin this on him.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm

"I wonder how they can possibly pin this on him?"

Um…
He's "urban", therefore his being Preznit sends the message that sexual harassment is OK?

You think I'm kidding? I had a jackass co-irker actually say, in my actual hearing, "I don't like Obama's morals". I didn't bother to ask what that even meant because I already know that by "morals", he meant "skin color".
*pinches bridge of nose*
You don't know how much I wish I were kidding.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Jeezus. Has there EVER been a MORE moral guy in office? I know he's bombing brown kids to death with drones, but that's sort of par for the course with American Presidents,judging from history. As far as that goes, he's killed far fewer people than any of the others so far, at least since this country became a Big enough Power to sit at the table with the rest of the murdering colonialist bastards. He's the only one who actually DOESN'T think all third world people are disgusting little mudbugs who should be crushed if they show any desire for independence. Unlike, say, Gee, Dumb? Yeah!, who thought bulldozing hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and burying them alive was, you know, something to *joke* about.

These people boggle my mind.

Goonemeritus November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Having been raised by Catholic immigrant parents I was taught to very deliberate and respectful when I was interested in getting to know a young lady. Parents were always involved in the early stages and unsupervised time only occurred after everyone was reassured of intensions. I can certainly see how shoving a women’s head towards my naughty bits would have been a real time saver.

FNMA November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

The priests didn't try to teach you that?

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Show me on the doll…

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:46 pm

"The priests didn't try to teach you that?"

Father Flotsky: Now Goonie, me lad, shoving a young lady's head towards your naughty bits may seem like a real time saver, but remember, it's a sin. Whenever you feel an impure impulse like that, shove MY head towards your naughty bits.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Usually, they wanted to shove YOUR head into THEIR crotch, IIRC. You know, it's not a sin if it's *done* to you, only if you *do it* to them.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

When first meeting the parents, know that they just want to be sure of your intentions. It's best to be completely honest and upfront with them.

"My intention, sir, is to fuck your daughter."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I don't know where you come from, son, but where I come from, that's just like handing her Dad a blunt knife and pointing at your balls. If you walk out of that room with your testicles NOT in your mouth, you've accomplished something.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Yeah, what's wrong with you for crying out loud? You don't say something so crude to your date's father! Say something positive and complimentary, like, "God bless, Mr. Smith, but that daughter of yours has one HELL of a shape on her! And your wife's not half bad, either!"
MUCH more subtle.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Yeah, back in OUR day, when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth, there was *always* a fucking chaperone around, and not a prayer of getting any, at least not from the pretty girls or the *good* girls.

Of course, the whole problem with wimmin is, they don't *like* having their faces stuffed in one's crotch. Don't understand why. It sure saves time, as you so aptly point out.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 4:44 pm

It is difficult to comprehend, when I spend the whole night hoping she'll grab my head and stuff my face into her crotch. Same thing, right?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:16 pm

You'd think, but the lay-deez do not share this opinion. "Hoping" is mostly as far as it gets — unless you have a silver tongue.

And you can take THAT any way you want.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 10:18 pm

So mebbe Hermie thinks he's Long Tongue Silver?

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 5:50 pm

There is a reason that chloroform and duct tape were invented.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Also, roofies.

Wut?

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Giggity.

KathrynSane November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Good thing America is enlightened enough to not have the national conversation surrounding these serious allegations of sexual assault degenerate into a clusterfuck of victim-blaming and misogyny.

Oh wait.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

"Well… she is hot! Did you see how she dresses?"

sati_demise November 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Well, a plaid pleated skirt is preferable to a black pleated skirt.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 5:51 pm

It does kind of add to the naughty Catholic school girl look.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Sean Assity, at least, has seen this coming and has been working around it all week — his angle is that zillions of liberals have called Cain an Uncle Tom and other things, therefore their accusations are based solely on racist attacks because he's left the "liberal plantation." Which speaks to the allegations not a bit, but it certainly distracts everyone from them while Assity goes on to blame liberals for all the allegations. Anyway expect more of that.

Fare la Volpe November 7, 2011 at 5:15 pm

They're also spouting the meme that all these allegations are coming out because Herman's a black man, and liberals are trying to paint him as a lusty negro, and thus all the allegations are false, forever!

Of course, their similar treatment of Clinton not 15 years ago was completely legitimate and called for, why would you ask that?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:36 pm

The thing I hate most about this sort of stuff is, there IS something to it. In the sense that, for decades, white people told themselves it was OK to treat black people like animals because black people were not ashamed of their bodies or sex, unlike white people, and were therefore "acting like animals." They used that reasoning to justify lynchings, the Civil War, slavery, the sale and brutalization of other human beings. There's a lot of guilt about that that has never been acknowledged or discussed, except occasionally by lefties.

So they take that little grain of underlying truth/xenophobia and they turn it on the very people who have actually tried to deal with it — liberals and lefties, black or white. Ignoring their own HISTORY of doing far worse. I mean, remember the Harold Ford campaign? They scuttled that man with one pretty blonde in a TV ad. And he's so light, PAPER looks dark next to him. That ONE DROP of an African ancestor's blood and his penchant for white ladies scuttled him.

Now they'll string Cain up and blame it on us. See if they don't.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:45 pm

"zillions of liberals have called Cain an Uncle Tom and other things, therefore their accusations are based solely on racist attacks because he's left the "liberal plantation." "

As contrasted with conservatives, who want to have an *actual* plantation.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:50 pm

And they've learned not to be so picky about color. EVERYBODY can be field slaves on the Brave New Plantation!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Er … progress?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Yes, and conservatives still seem to think they OWN the black people on *their* plantation, you know, as in "our blacks are better than their blacks"?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Herman's Farce of a Campaign suddenly discovers the meaning of "white (teabagger) flight."

neiltheblaze November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I hope this woman doesn't have granite counter tops.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I don't think Michelle Malkin will be driving by her house any time soon.

neiltheblaze November 7, 2011 at 4:58 pm

They're digging through her trash as we speak.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Oh god. I hope not.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

"You want a job–right, bitch?" "My black walnuts need some lickin'"…

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Ewwww.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Totally. I think I threw up in my mouth a little when typing that.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

MrLimeylizzie, who as an artist is always concerned with beauty in men and women, was watching Herman at one of the debates and suddenly said “That man is the colour of liver”.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm

There are people blacker than Cain who are very beautiful. In his case, the persistent, immoral ooze is the gravy on the liver and onions.

kingcocrazy November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

"Who do you have to fuck to get a job here? That'd be me, sweetie!"

MaxNeanderthal November 7, 2011 at 5:15 pm

"Ya like chicken? Suck this, it's fowl….."

Monsieur_Grumpe November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

My sympathy to Herman's wife.
What a scum sucking weasel.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Yeah, she can't be too happy about all the fit hitting the shan right now.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

He's probably been gaslighting her for years (now, Honey, you're just imagining that I'm trying to feel up every wimmen I meet) — and now she can be liberated from that marriage.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Yes, but the scales have surely fallen from her eyes now. And he's a preacher! I hope she does liberate herself from that marriage. And takes most of the bank accounts with her.

This explains why none of his family has EVER shown their faces on the campaign trail, I suspect. They knew, or know, that something's wrong, and they don't want to know any more about it.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Let's hope she pulls a Jenny Sandford, and not an "every other political wife standing by her man in lady suit and pearls." Or pretending her helpless husband got pussy-mugged against his will by a sex-crazed Jezebel, like sad Elizabeth Edwards.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:35 pm

I feel sorry for Elizabeth Edwards. She lost one child to an accident, and then found out she was dying and leaving her children in the care of a man who clearly was wandering away from his responsibilites LONG before her children were ready to lose both their parents. I can't second-guess her, although I feel she was wrong to cover up for him. But she was a dying woman, and now that I have a sibling in the same plight, the quality of mercy, which was somewhat strained in my selfish person, seems to have sprung to new life.

I'm very sorry for Mrs. Cain, but I hope she finds the strength to leave her husband and make her own way in life. It will be lonely and probably painful, but it would be worse to stay and suffer, in my humble opinion. Ultimately, I wish her well. On him, I wish a pox that will cause his weenie to shrivel up and fall off.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I get you about Elizabeth. She got served the worst of everything, with no let up.

I hope Mrs. Cain walks away with everything, including his 'Black Walnuts'.

Sue4466 November 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

If these ladies aren't rich or don't have jobs, don't blame Herman Cane. They should blame themselves.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Cain's defense: If attractive ladies are sexually harrassed/assaulted, they should blame themselves. Put 'em in a burka, and men don't HAVE to control themselves. Hard to tell what's under there!

Sue4466 November 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And in keeping with Cain's evident support of personal responsibility, if Herman Cain harasses women, blame someone else.

Never blame Herman Cain!

Cain/Personal Responsibility 2012. Do as I say!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Well, if they *wanted* the job that damn bad, they would've done what they needed to do, right? Bitches just want free money. (At least that's the tenor of the comments all over the Net from the RWNJs right now.)

Maman November 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

When will men learn that the hand on the head thing always backfires?

Monsieur_Grumpe November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

One word:
Teeth.

JustPixelz November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Men learn? That's a theory that is out there and it's got some gaps in it.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

No kidding, I am all for the oral, nay I love it, but get your fucking mitts off my skull , I know where your dick is there is absolutely no need to push me toward it.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Blushes.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Demurely.

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Once again, my favorite Brit lass.

I assume the head thing works in prison tho'. Maybe they're watching too many reruns of 'Oz'?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Yeah. The motorcycle-helmet-with-bicycle-handlebars-bolted-on works so much better, though it might muss the hair a little more.

finallyhappy November 7, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I remember that from many, many years ago- I didn't do it but I still dislike that guy(I wonder if he remembers?)

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:57 pm

THANK you!!

No matter how attractive the man, head pushing is a total turn off!

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Gawd, Wonkette, it took you an hour to post this story? My clicky-clicky fingers nearly fell off from the blueballs!

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

"Yer Honor, I'd like to plead insanity."
"Insanity?"
"Yeah, I'm just crazy 'bout pussy!"

Apologies to C&C.

OccupyFnChicken November 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Having never heard it, I would like to request that you replace my Dr. Pepper-soaked keyboard.

jus_wonderin November 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

We seriously need to invent and market Wonkette Brand Keyboard Covers.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Also, cat earplugs. I LOL'd while reading Wonketz snark this morning and scared the shit out of all the fucking cats. Poor li'l bastids! They regard the laptop, rightly, as an enemy, now.

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Cain's response:

"For the 4th Time, bitch set me up!"

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Sixth, hon. Sixth time. Sometime in 2009-2010, Herman Cain allegedly sexually harassed two female employees of Christian talk radio host Steve Deace: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2011/11/iowa

You can always brush off ONE complaint. SIX complaints, it's a little harder.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Steve Douche is an incredible asshat. He came out on the local news last week with his allegations. This is a man who it would not be surprising to hear call a Herb Cain a "filthy n*gger savage" who is preying on white women.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:00 pm

This is Steve Deace, a whole different guy, I hope. He sounds reasonably nice and respectful of Mr. Cain, and he never used the words "sexual harassment." He simply said that he felt Republicans needed to examine their candidates carefully, and that Mr. Cain was morally compromised because he, Deace, had actually been present at one of the incidents complained of, and it made him uncomfortable.

Edited to add: If this is the same guy, please let me know. I can't condone that kind of racist talk, not even by someone who shares my feelings about Cain.

stopthemovie November 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm

He just wanted to give her a position on his staff.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Winningest ever.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Agreed!!!

Banelm November 8, 2011 at 3:38 am

OT but, Holy Crap! The phantom of Krank-whore?!? That is so sweet! Brilliant avatar!

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Clearly Herm failed How to Abuse Your Power 101. Dude, you gotta make it clear on the phone before she even hops on the plane that there is going to be a little quid pro quo. A man's under a lot of stress headin' up the Restaurant Association, you know…. gotta ease the pressure before he can start thinking outside the box, so to speak.

BarryOPotter November 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

One must get in the box before one can think outside of it.
–The Art of Cain by Herm Tsu

bravo_sierra November 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

How does one run for President knowing this is in your past? Did he just hope it wouldn't come out?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

He apparently forgot about the women he groped who weren't sworn not to discuss it after getting a settlement.

Mahousu November 7, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Sounds more like he was hoping it would come out.

We're talking about his penis, right?

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Um, because he's not really running for president? Those books he sold (and bought w/ campaign $) are not refundable. He's smirking like a perv all the way to the bank….

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

By just making a vanity run that he never expected to go above a few percent in the polls, much less become front runner and invite the scrutiny of his past.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I don't know WHAT he was thinking, but Chris Wilson, the Republican pollster who witnessed one (or more) of the incidents said that they were common knowledge, they took place in front of a group of NRA employees, and that some of the other people in the group became so uncomfortable at what was going on that they actually asked Cain to stop.

When you have to tell your boss how to behave in public, let's just say it's not good. I expect even more people will come forward now.

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Because its the GOP. And bold lying denial usually just makes the party want you more.

donner_froh November 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

He hoped it would just slip right in.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Because he's counting on IOKIYAR?

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:51 pm

"How does one run for President knowing this is in your past?"

*sotto voce*
Maybe he's ot-nay oo-tay ight-bray, if you know what I mean.

CountryClubJihadi November 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Cain a N*ggah Get a (Round) Table Dance?

Rosie_Scenario November 7, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Wouldn't it be more correct to say that Herman Cain "really wanted that job?"

Irritated_Prof November 7, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Cain, Cain, go away
Harass someone you underpay!

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Sorry for the repost from the end of the last thread, but this item gives it a whole new dimension of meaning:
Last post, and comment:
"The ranks of America’s poor are greater than previously known, reaching a new level of 49.1 million"

The post misunderstands what the study was doing. It wasn't counting the number of poor people, but rather how highly individual poor people rank, on average, on the bamboozled scale (sometimes called the Poisson distribution). The scale measures how well a poor person conforms to the expectations of the oligarchy of the country in question. 100 points for blaming yourself for systematic unemployment, 100 points for despising any other person who suggests unionization or even just political action as a road to relief, 100 points for enthusiastically watching the oligarchy-approved propaganda channel for information,…..

As you can see, the US has left other countries in the dust for first place. Even kleptocracies like the Congo have a hard time breaking a million.

In the above post:
"Bialek also said that she is a Republican who attends Tea Party meetings and is *otherwise* … a giant Herman Cain fan"

Nothing to add.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Even conservative teabaggers have a right not to be sexually assaulted when looking for a job. I might not like her politics, but I will defend to the death her right to be free of sexual predators.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Absolutely – I certainly was not suggesting that because she's a tea party enthusiast, that makes it OK. Absolutely not. It was rather despair over learning that even an experience like this – a glimpse into the seamier side of the power dynamics that unrestrained capitalism has always featured – couldn't dislodge her enthusiasm for the "restrictions on job creators = BAD", blaming the unemployed for their situation, etc. crowd.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm

True. I should have known that you had a more complex analysis of the issue. Sorry for jumping the gun.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Well, his economics and politics are from the 19th century, so it's corroborative that his attitude about women is too. I'd add "assuming her accusations are true," but one would have to be a complete masochist to falsely accuse a GOP presidential candidate of what she's accused him of.

zappadoo76 November 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Did they do this a lot in the 19th century?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Maybe not in cars — but Tess of Hardy's Tess of the d'Urbervilles gets used and thrown away in a similarly cavalier fashion — I think it was in a rowboat.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Ditto Dreiser's "An American Tragedy". Only not so much with the power differential, as the power-wanna-be. And early 20th century.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I hope she's brave enough to endure the shit-storm she's about to enter. She's already exhibited extraordinary courage but they're going to dig up and publish and exaggerate every bit of imaginable dirt on her.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:49 pm

And if she's discovered to have ever had consensual sex – well, she's a slut, and therefore without credibility.

Only cloistered nuns with medical proof of virginity can be 'real' victims. (Oh, and Sarah 'The Real Victim' Palin, of course. She can be a victim from 1,000 miles away.)

NellCote71 November 7, 2011 at 7:01 pm

What century is that in Rick Perry terms?

tihond November 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Some on the right are just glad that Cain isn't a secret ghey.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I'd wait on that assessment until we see if Miche1e gets desperate enough for a boost in her poll numbers to let Marcus tell about the evenings he spent with Hermie.

JustPixelz November 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

She's got that blonde Fox-y look.

I'm pretty sure she's just reading from Letters to Penthouse. Needless to say.

Imagine what Rick Perry's gonna have to do to be Herman's running mate.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

'cept those letters always begin something like "this never happened to me before", but it happened at least twice before to Cain.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:46 pm

FIVE times. Two women at the NRA who filed complaints and were paid off; One woman at the NRA who never complained; Two women employees of Steve Deace in Iowa.

Ms. Bialek is the sixth woman to make such claims. Things ain't looking good for Uncle Ruckus.

finallyhappy November 7, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Hey, this is nothing like the guy with the goose(bird) in the sack from Penthouse Forum. .
Now if A goose comes forward and says Cain had him in a sack- ok, it still wouldn't matter to the GOP.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

After stating her allegations she faced forward and said, "back to you, Gretchen".

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

There but for the grace of Inheritance goes Megs McCain.

hunnybee November 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm

yup.

Guppy November 8, 2011 at 1:11 am

You want a blog-writing "career," don't you?

KotBR November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Cain's campaign is the greatest episode of Punk'd ever.

grandinquisitor November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Anyone else find it a little sad that TMZ has become one of America's better sources for political news?

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

In the same way that the only good investigative reporting takes place between the pages of Rolling Stone magazine, and critical analysis of political theater is best found on Comedy Central, this next step seems perfectly logical to me.

MissTaken November 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

And don't forget it was National Enquirer that exposed douchey John Edwards for the douchey douchebag he was.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:05 pm

I hope his ten-minute speedfuck with the bimbo was worth the total extinction of his legal and political career and the 20 years of child support he's paying. Douchey douchebag doesn't BEGIN to describe the schmuck.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

That's not exactly the kind of job creation we're looking for.

SheriffRoscoe November 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Herman's a troll. He upgraded the unemployed lady seeking his help to a suite. At what point does her ABORT MISSION sensor go off?

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm

From the look of her, she wasn't exactly a spring chicken in 1997. I think most women know from about age 8 whether a man has bad intentions in asking her to be alone.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 2:02 pm

She's about 50. 15 years ago, when this incident occurred, she was about 35. She's still not-bad-looking enough that I would hit it, although maybe after all the makeup comes off I might think again. But, hell, she's no worse-looking than Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann, and plenty of guys would do either of those two bitches in a heartbeat.

OccupyFnChicken November 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

"He parked the car down the block…" (They're on the way — together — to a hotel, but suddenly they're gonna stop and fuck in the car?!)

HuddledMass November 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

No, no, they were (supposedly) going to the NRA Office, not the hotel – he was going to "show her around."

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 4:56 pm

he was going to "show her around."

Around the World?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:06 pm

In Eighty Seconds.

weejee November 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm

You sayin' Hermie's not a 60 minute man?

NYNYNYjr November 7, 2011 at 6:39 pm

They had separate rooms at hotel- like a bullshitty yak yak NRA conference hook-up coke orgy.

edconley7 November 8, 2011 at 9:51 am

Who says romance is dead?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Herman Cain is my name and I asked her to pull the train,
Till so much media came, and tore up my 'scuse again.
In the Winter of '95, I was horny, libido totally alive
Paid her off, so the bitch wouldn't tell
It was I time, I don't remember very well.
The Night They Tore My Campaign Down…

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:47 pm

You're revealing hidden talents as a songwriter.

CrunchyKnee November 7, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I'd hit that.

McRibzgood November 7, 2011 at 4:06 pm

“He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.”

I do this with the lil' lady all the time and she never filed charges on me. Oh that's right it was consensual.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Exactly. Wimminz will put up with all kinds of shit if it's consensual. In other words, if you ASK your gf/wife/emergency-hot-lay if you can fuck them in the ass, chances are they'll say yes and even bring the lube. But if you grab some bitch's ass without asking, you'll be lucky to escape with your nuts intact.

MissTaken November 7, 2011 at 4:57 pm

In many circles its called foreplay. Those are consensual circles.

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

'cuz copping a feel always has such a positive effect.

She should have slapped the black off him.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 2:00 pm

That would take a hella lot of slapping.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

“He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.”

Hmp. I didn't know Cain was ambidextrous.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Yep. He can switch the channel to Dexter with either hand.

DerrickWildcat November 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Ok, I'm coming forward. Herman Cain sexually harassed me through the TV during one of those debate things. I can no longer stay silent!

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Me too. I walked by Herman Cain in a hallway once and he said "Hello.". And with him, you know what that means.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Listen, Mr. Cain was president of the National Restaurant Association. So clearly he had so check out how hot her oven was, and how much she could eat. This was perfectly legitimate.

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

"I don't know any Sharon Bial- Bial- Bial- Bialek. Do you?"

Pat_Pending November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

"I think her boyfriend's name was Stan- Stan- Stan, though…"

jqheywood November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

in the sense that they are actually more like assault.

Actually, a battery ("an offensive touching") in addition to an assault ("a threat or attempt to commit battery").

The more you know….

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

A salt AND battery? Worst pizza toppings, EVER.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

His campaign is Battery powered.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Attempted rape?

OneYieldRegular November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

It would really be a shame if, from now on, whenever Herman Cain uses the words "job creators" or "job creation," everyone in the audience starts coughing loudly.

Eve8Apples November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

or takes their pants off.

weejee November 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Would that be a gag reflex?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Especially if it were an "Animal House" cough.

*blowjob*
*eat me*

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:34 pm

That would be worth a Wonkette road trip.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Or blowing like crazy.

Clancy_Pants November 7, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Do you know why they call it a blow JOB? So it'll sound like there's a work ethic involved. Makes a person feel like they did something useful for the economy.

~ George Carlin

weejee November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Since the righteous feel Barry's SATs are fair game, will questions about Herman's oral exams will be flying at the next Rethug debates?

tihond November 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm

"He put his hand up on my hip, He dipped. I dipped. We dipped."

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I know if I had to do Cain, I would consider it to be hard work, so maybe this is a jobs plan after all. Making Pizza Man the first Republican to come up with one.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Just pointing out that neither of them got a job out of it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Think of all the lawyers, paralegals, legal assistants and clerks Mr. Cain helped employ. He is truly a job creator. And yet the liberals just want to tear him down with their regulations and law suits. Why does justice and behaving properly have such a liberal bias?

iburl November 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Have YOU ever been accused of Sexual Harassment? Hmm? Hmmm?

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:10 pm

As a matter of fact, …. um, no. 'Course, I was never a CEO (Cain Expects Orgasm?).

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Where are the blow jerbs?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

In Herman Cain's pants. Or Gloria Cain's Little Black Book of Herman's Sins.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Well did she need the job or not?

lochnessmonster November 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

drip, drip, drip… Trickle down accusations.

fartknocker November 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Keep it classy Herm…

I do wonder if her carpet matches her drapes.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Hey Herman!

Bite me!

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

It was a misunderstanding. He thought she was interested in a BLOW job.

CogitoErgoBibo November 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

What was killing me were all the reporters asking why Bialek hadn't reported the assault either to the police or the restaurant association. Gee. Unemployed woman chooses not to piss off/create problems with her prior employer/employment reference. Unthinkable!

carlgt1 November 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm

well he does seem like the typicall smarmy, sleazy businessman, i.e. at the level of a used-car salesman. of course "business executives" like this is what dittoheads think make great presidents. Like when you think of Washington, Adams, Jefferson, and Lincoln, the first thing you think of is their great corporate exerience…..

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Don't forget lobbyist. Somehow the press manages to say he was president of the National Restaurant Association without ever mentioning that it's a lobbying group. But it makes so much more sense when it's described that way.

carlgt1 November 7, 2011 at 5:00 pm

I know – a bigger story should be this third-rate lobbyist Cain grovelling at the feet of the Koch brothers. Kind of like if Eddie Murphy in "Trading Places" was kissing the feet of the evil old men controlling & ruining his life. And not to mention his campaign-finance scandal which is amazingly overlooked.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I'll have a lot more respect for him if he teams up with Jamie-Lee Curtis to take down the Koch brothers. Also, if we get to see her tits.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 10:00 pm

"this third-rate lobbyist Cain grovelling at the feet of the Koch brothers"

Maybe he thought the head pushing thing would be OK, since *he* spends so much time on his knees blowing the Koch brothers.

smoothmineral November 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm

When are all the women who didn't reject him gonna come forward?
I want to see some gory details.

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I want to see some gory details.
Be careful what you wish for …

neiltheblaze November 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

What about the public's right not to know?

Rotundo_ November 7, 2011 at 6:52 pm

I remember when the whore that Jimmy Swaggart rented out posed for Penthouse many years ago. Like that one, you might not want to see just what Herman has been tappin'. On the other hand I really feel for his wife who is a fine looking woman and really makes me wonder what the fuck he wanted or needed with these ladies when she would be most agreeable to come home to and have a candelight dinner and a good bottle of wine with in front of the fire on a cool autumn evening.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 7:11 pm

She probably wasn't putting up with that shoving head towards the crotch thing, either.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:11 pm

I don't know a whole lot about Mrs. Cain, but I'm told (by people more familiar with people like her) that she's a good, churchgoing Christian Southern Black lady who shuns public appearances and society and lives for her family and her church. I've seen photos of her, and she is a beautiful woman, gracious, dignified, and sweet in appearance. Now, she might be a harridan in her private life, but I kinda doubt that, because political campaigns, everyone's digging dirt, and if it was there we'd have heard about it.

But you're right. Why on earth would a man who has a good, loving, loyal, beautiful wife want to hit on women who work for him? If your wife no longer gives you the sexual satisfaction that is every human being's expectation of a marriage, there are professional ladies who will, for a sum of money, satisfy most of one's needs, however kinky. But to shame and humiliate the wife who has stood by you loyally for half a century by dragging your marriage into the public mud, groping young women, using your power to threaten and intimidate them into sex — the man deserves for his wife to throw him out on the street with nought but the clothes on his back.

I just have to wonder how much she's known all along. She must have known something, canceling her Fox appearance like that.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 7:30 pm

I think she was completely clueless, and she canceled when he finally had to fully disclose to her whatever might be discovered by the media. The poor lady already doesn't make public appearances, so she is probably at home, devastated.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Yeah, she spent forty years cleaning his shit, cooking, and raising her kids. And now she has to hear this. It's gotta hurt. I hope she's OK, and weathers this. It's one of those times when the atheist in me takes a back seat, because if anything could help her through the destruction of her marriage, it would be her faith, I expect.

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 4:18 pm

She said she was looking for a job and he just offered her a blowjob…what could be wrong with that?

YouBetcha November 7, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Is there something wrong? Whenever I'm in a vehicle with any person, be they male or female, I always push their head toward my crotch. My mother won't even ride in the car with me anymore. I think y'all are racist and targeting Herman because of his skin color.

Pat_Pending November 7, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Thanks for making me snerk my tea at work…

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Bet yer real popular with cab drivers.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Can I get a ride in your car, baby?

PuckStopsHere November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I'm sure Herm thought he was giving the lady a simple aptitude test.

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Don't the Republicans usually create blowjerbs for Lindsey Graham? I guess this makes Cain a true outsider.

meatlofer November 7, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Ohhh, so you can't do that. I'm BAD.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Has some apologist used the "she was wearing a short skirt, so she was asking for it" line of defense yet?

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

She got into the car, didn't she? I think the Mike Tyson defense is in order here. Or, like Newt, why didn't he just marry her?

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:15 pm

She was a woman, so she was asking for it.

She was breathing, so she was asking for it.

She was, so she was asking for it.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Is that Blossom?

Guppy November 8, 2011 at 1:16 am

This was a very, very special episode.

magic_titty November 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

From the looks of that screengrab, I'm sure he's still shocked she wouldn't blow him.

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I think Herm figured that he was a brother with another mother to the Koch, he'd share his with some lucky white wimmin.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

She didn't want to be Crazy Bred.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Oh, that's good.

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Wait, he just grabbed her head and pushed it at his crotch? Wow, this guy has game!

smitallica November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Sexy hot-for-teacher victim chick has me reaching for MY genitals.

SheriffRoscoe November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

"I upgraded you." Cain allegedly said. Then he added "You are under no obligation to suck my dick later, but I think you will agree that it would be the only courteous thing to do….."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:45 pm

You know, the people who worked at that hotel probably remember this. It's not every day some guy walks in — especially some lobbyist for the powerful NRA — and asks to upgrade the room of an unrelated but hot blonde chick.

Tundra Grifter November 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Last week, Sheer InSannity gave Mr. Cain a one-hour infomercial on his radio show.

InSannity asked him if there were any other women out there who might make any allegations and Mr. Cain's answer was "No."

Now a fourth woman appears.

Either there is a serious problem with Mr. Cain's memory, or…

Meanwhile, the one hand up the skirt, one hand behind the head move would appear to be practiced. While it's difficult to believe such a crude maneuver would ever "work," anyone would have to develop that over time to combine the two. In other words, this wasn't the first time.

neiltheblaze November 7, 2011 at 5:04 pm

My very first thought, this. My second thought was "I wonder how many times he got away with it."

Tundra Grifter November 7, 2011 at 7:50 pm

neiltheblaze:

One too few, apparently…

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Herman "Heywood Jablome" Cain…

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Getting manhandled by a creep: Worthless
Derailing the creep's presidential bid: Priceless

Beowoof November 7, 2011 at 6:26 pm

The schadenfreud of the karma coming back around is sweet.

Nostrildamus November 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Anyone figured out which hand did what?

Tundra Grifter November 7, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Offhand?

On the other hand?

Will you give him a hand?

A handup – not a handout?

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Turning towards her, his left groped, and right pushed. At least that was how my sexual harassers tried to pull this kind of shit.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I'm so sorry. I don't know a single woman who doesn't have a story like that, or worse. I'm just so sorry that it happens, sorry it happened to you, and to all the other lovely ladies who make our lives a little brighter just by being.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Of course, when she didn't get the job, it was all her fault.

Beowoof November 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Herman's campaign slogan? (with apology to Clevon Little) "Where da white women at"

Dürers Rhino November 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I said "No sausage, Herman".

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Where's Sonny when you need him?

Sonny's playin' 8-ball at the joint where Sherry works
When some drunken outta towner put his hand up Sherry's skirt
Sonny took his pool cue laid the drunk out on the floor
Stuffed a dollar in her tip jar and walked on out the door
She's runnin' right behind him reachin' for his hand
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

fartknocker November 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Robert Earl Keen approved that message…

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm

REK FTW!

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Haven't been to a REK show since he performed at Bush's inauguration. Is it wrong to hold that against him?

Diabeetis November 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I'm unsure how this will affect Pizza Man's future political prospects. On one hand, the white blonde lady making accusations may do him in, but having Gloria "Bats" Allred as her lawyer doesn't exactly help her credibility.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. Gloria Allred seldom loses a case. If I needed an attorney, I'd want someone like her. Tough, competent, a take-no-prisoners winner.

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm

I'm with you on this one. Allred has become a little too lawyer-as-celebrity-seeking-high-vis-cases for my personal taste, compared to her employee-rights origin, but I've seen no evidence of any erosion of her tenacity or general smarts.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:44 pm

She very rarely loses a case. And, most people don't know this, but most of her sexual harassment cases are pro bono. She takes no fees for defending women who have been victimized, in most cases. Naturally, in order for her partners to bear the cost of her pro bono cases, she has to ensure that they're high-profile enough to offset the loss of her very valuable time. She's a hella good lawyer, and if she's a publicity hound, at least she's doing some good for those who so desperately need it.

If I were a woman looking for an attorney to defend me, I'd definitely want her in my corner.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 8:48 pm

I think Gloria is a tough old bitch, and I'd want her on my side.

RavenRant November 8, 2011 at 12:03 am

Granted. But her 'stimulus' joke blew. Leave the comedy to the pros, Gloria.

carlgt1 November 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

would a good test be to lock Herman Cain & Ann Coulter in a room together for an hour?

Rotundo_ November 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Depending on the size of the room and how tightly sealed it is, it would be a possibility. Given how wide Herman is, they'd probably survive, even if it were a very snug fit. Now if a vacuum were applied, or some sort of inert gas, such as helium it might be a pretty good test indeed.

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Schroedinger's WIngnutz!!!

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:05 pm

"would a good test be to lock Herman Cain & Ann Coulter in a room together for an hour? "

I'm not sure what that would be a test *of*, but I'd enjoy the karmic justice of having Ann push Herman's head towards her schlong.

Blueb4sunrise November 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Wait. I know. It was the 'stop short' move from Seinfeld!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

meatlofer November 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Her attorney looks like a friendly-sort!

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:27 pm

P.S. You don't want a friendly attorney. You want a shark with frickin lasers.

Antispandex November 7, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Maybe he had just read that Velvet Jones book, "How to be a Ho", and he was trying to help her out with on the job training? He didn't say job creator, he said blowjob creator? Help me out here Hermie,I don't think they're buying it!

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I believe Jim Harbaugh tried this same maneuver on Lions Coach Jim Schwartz a couple of weeks ago.

weejee November 7, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I thought that was Jerry Sandusky at Penn State, but with a Cub Scout Pack. They got the sads in Happy Valley.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 4:57 pm

It's like some kind of Sexual Harassment Edition of "Clue."

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Colonel Mustard, in the study, with the remote controlled dildo.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Now I know they worship Joe Paterno over there, but didn't realize that he's actually in the same league as the Pope.

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:29 pm

And you get an upfist, and maybe Schwartz got one too?

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 10:49 pm

He tries that shit, again, and he'll be pulling back a stump, let me tell you.

widestanceshakedown November 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Cain doesn't seem like the kind of man who would try something like that–with a still-conscious woman.

mourningnmerica November 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm

"You know I have a boyfriend''……. ??!?!!?!!!!???? (Otherwise the attempted sexual assault would have been OK)

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I know I thought that was odd, but she is a Republican and looks like Jennifer Coolidge would play her on SNL, so all in all it's good.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I read that at first as Jennifer Flowers. I know, it was Gennifer, or some such. Anyway, they could be sisters, don' ya think.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Same type, all big hair, big tits and fake nails. True, natural beauties the pair of them.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 10:11 pm

As my dear sainted late mother might have said "I doubt that she is fuckin' self-actualized."

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 10:50 pm

I was thinking the exact same thing. She reminds me of Coolidge or one ofthe Tilleys.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I think that's the kind of thing girls say, as in, "Touch me again and I'll tell my boyfriend and he'll rip your nuts off and stuff them down your throat."

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:21 pm

I tried the "I have a boyfriend line," when a guy in car was following me down the street, badgering me for a 'date'.

His response: "I don't want to be your boyfriend. I just want you for an hour or two."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Sweet fucking CHRIST!! Where do these fucking moron bazoomlets get this shit? Does this work for them? Surely there's got to be the occasional woman who will pull a fucking gun and put a couple of holes where the guy's nuts used to be?

I'm vershmackt.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I'm vershmackt that I misplaced the quotation mark above. It drives me crazy when I can't correct my own typos. Grrrr.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 5:00 pm

It's the classic art of the brush-off, to reject a guy without hurting his feelings or making him think he just needs to try harder. The key to a good brush off is to make a guy accept it and give up immediately, and walk away thinking, "She totally would have gone for me, if it wasn't for ____." I should know, I've been on the receiving end of a few (though I never tried the face-in-the-crotch approach).

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:10 pm

You mean you *lied* to me about shoving their faces in your crotch?

Geez. I'm just crushed. Crushed.

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Not that I'm defending Cain here, but context matters. I've definitely *ahem* known a few ladies where the implication was less "… and that's why I'm not interested" and more, "… so he better not fucking find out what we're about to do". But then, that ambiguity is precisely why I don't really go for the hand-up-skirt, face-to-crotch way of showing interest, either.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Like I said, if you know how to talk to women, you could probably talk your way into the panties of most of them. Women have pretty much the same sexual needs and wants as men — they just need to be talked into doing whatever it is you would like to be doing with them. Not shoved or dragged into it. Treat the lady nice, and she'll give it up to ya. Shove her head in your crotch, be prepared to sew it back on.

CogitoErgoBibo November 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

My take on that was she was trying to find a way to politely stop a possible job-reference from turning things sexual without yelling, "Don't even think of going there, you perv!" (a statement which would have been much less likely to result in help finding future employment).

Terry November 7, 2011 at 4:42 pm

…and thus why the settlement was for a full year's salary. The NRA probably got off cheap, actually. A hearing would have cost them a lot more.

berkeleyfarm November 8, 2011 at 12:23 am

I'm thinking they did get off lucky.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 4:47 pm
ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Myass.

johnnyzhivago November 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Whaaddda scumbag!!!!

weejee November 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

With this and Jerry Sandusky at Penn State over in Happy Sad Valley, Blowvember is starting with a hurricane compared to Viagra-deficient Cocktober.

widestanceshakedown November 7, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I've almost re-acquired my gag reflex reading this account.

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 4:58 pm

In Cain's world scandal = fundraising?
http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/07/

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I don't know what all his other accusers looked like, but this one's going to be the nail in Herm's coffin. She's WHITE, blonde, pretty, young, and a fucking conservative teabagger.

He's a dead man walking.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Pretty…young…? Wait, whut?

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Republican Young Guns are in their 40s, and have you seen Sarah Palin in her muu muu?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Oh, hon, she looks hot enough that *I'd* hit it, and MY dance card is pretty much booked. If Herm wanted to get away with hitting on a white gal, he needed to find one who would have to take out her dentures before blowing him.

Every white racist in this country is going to look at that gal and think, "Why, that goddamn dirty bastard," while trying to smother a raging boner.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Well, okay…there's "pretty", then there's "pretty enough". Get me a beer, and I'll take another look.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:12 pm

As somebody else pointed out, this happened over a decade ago, she was probably in her mid-to-late 20s then, so, yeah, probably HELLA hotter. I mean, she's still fuckin' hot.

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:32 pm

And there's looking at it through 64-year-old eyes, which suggest, "Hmm".

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 5:32 pm

The only way this could have been worse is if she also had a hint of a Georgia drawl, to complete the image of Sacred Southern Womanhood.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Oh, HELL to the yeah. That would turn the entire cracker teabagger base against him TOUT SUITE!

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:44 pm

And suffered from a touch of the 'vapors' while telling the tale.

rickmaci November 7, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Hey, remember, this was 14 years ago. Love to see some "then" pics. Bet she was a total vision of Chicago style blond hotness. If you have ever lived in Chicago, you know what I mean. Hottest blondes I have ever seen outside of Scandinavia and Russia. Kielbasa anyone??

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I wouldn't know a Chicago blondinka from a Siberian blondinka, but this lady looks just like a girl I had a HUGE crush on when I was 14 (except she wasn't blonde). She was 13, and a total troublemaker, but she had the nicest tits I'd ever seen in my life, and she was smokin'! And I never did it with her, which I will regret to my dying day.

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Not really reading much about this, I was trying to place the accent and knew it was somewhere nearby to me.

cvdurhm November 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

As a pizza mogal, this brings a whole new meaning to a finger in every pie.

voodooeconomics November 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Bimbo eruptions.

Calling Bill Clinton
Calling Bill Clinton
Come in Bill. I need ya…

pdiddycornchips November 7, 2011 at 5:00 pm

He had her in mind for a position on his staff.

Thurman Munster IV November 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

From MSNBC:
New Koch problems for Cain?
Serious news indeed!

voodooeconomics November 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

who gives a fuuuuck about the deviant Jackson and his fucking doctor..

talk about Cain, you stupid Wolf Blitzer. I hate CNN wishy washy bullshit

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Even Tweetie led with that. Who gives a fuck?

MissTaken November 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I'm a little bummed to learn that some seemingly grown-ass men still think it counts as foreplay to shove your head in their crotch for a bj. At least rub her nips for a bit first!

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Guys his age are a lost cause.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 5:15 pm

That's one of my first reactions whenever I hear a story like this about consistent, repeated actions actions like his: "Why do you do this? In your entire life, has this ever worked?" And then I think, well, yes it probably did. From the stories we're hearing, he was able to identify women who were vulnerable, who needed a job, or needed to keep a job, and he could make it happen or not. (Or at least, he could convince them that he could.) Some of them would no doubt be quite desperate. Frightened of the future, with children to support. So, yes, this approach probably "worked" many times, otherwise Cain probably would have adjusted the approach. And when my thoughts go in this direction, and I think of what it meant for the women involved, I get depressed.

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 7, 2011 at 5:55 pm

It's telling that at the NRA he picked on women who made much, much less than him. He knew exactly what he was doing. Prick.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:16 pm

I know. One of my girlfriends once worked for a guy who would follow her around stroking her hair. He never actually propositioned her or even hinted at anything sexual. But it was really fucking creepy to have that happen day after day after day, where he would either go to her office and stroke her hair, or call her into his office and stroke her hair. God alone knows what he was thinking. But she didn't want to make a "big deal" out of of it, and even managed to talk me out of visiting corporate headquarters so I could quietly strangle him and put an end to it. Instead, she quit her high-paying corporate job and spent six months looking for another.

If it had happened in this bad economy, she would have had to take it, because we couldn't have afforded for her to quit her job.

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Couldn't she just have given him a rabbit, George?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Pat the Bunny, Dok?

No, not YOUR bunny, silly.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:17 pm

"consistent, repeated actions actions"

This may have been a typo, but it's awesome.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 9:40 pm

It was a typo, but damn, I wish it hadn't been.

Guppy November 8, 2011 at 1:16 am

Depends on the woman, but this still isn't exactly "first date material."

Gleem_McShineys November 7, 2011 at 5:05 pm

So now we find out just that the "invisible hand of the market" is just Herman Cain in the dark?

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Herman, when I said hold the sausage, this is not what I meant.

MMathS November 7, 2011 at 5:20 pm

NEEDS MOAR PUBIS ON COKE CAN.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Wrong black man. Let's try to keep our proponents straight, shall we? (Insofar as we can, them being Repubican preverts, and all.)

weejee November 7, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Well this has to mean Hermie's 15 minutes as the Anti-Mittens is over. So now it's Uncle Newtie's chance to tackle the Teflon Mitt. Cancerous growth of Tiffany's jokes in 3, 2, 1

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Newt still irrelevant

RebelCountess November 7, 2011 at 5:27 pm

But why would Cain offer to "show her the NRA office" if she was a former NRA employee?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm

It was the Washington office. Chances are, she was employed in his, regional, office before.

RebelCountess November 8, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Dear Herring,I stand corrected. Should have read more before I wrote.Go raibh maith agat! Rebel Countess—

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Dear Countess Markievicz,

il n'y a pas de quois.

Sincerely,
an admirer

Beetagger November 7, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Sugar-tits for VP!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Mel? Mel Gibson, is that you?

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:19 pm

"I will hire you… BUT YOU WILL BLOW ME FIRST!"

PhilippePetain November 7, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Also, hubba hubba.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Thanks, Chich. I'm grateful that "here" exists. It's not easy because we live on different continents, so I can't just pack up and drive over. But being here keeps me from chewing my fingers into bloody stumps. I wasn't going to tell, but I'm glad I did. A-HEM!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming. Erm, hug?

fartknocker November 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm

It's nice to have back on the block Herring. I hope your leg heals soon so you can make the trip across the pond to visit your sibling.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Thank you so much, fartknocker. Damn, you guys are the best.

(Hugs fartknocker)

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm

And here I thought you were just misspelling words to sound sophisticated.
Get better…

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Gracias, Tits. I suspect I'll go like my Dad, clinging on to life at the age of 93 with all digits AND the beak. I just want to go before I lose too many more friends and family members. Sniff!

Alright, enough with the self-pity. Whose asses can we kick, now?

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 9:18 pm

This is Wonkette. Asses are for raping up in here.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Jeezus, Tits, we're not usually so *blatant* about *saying* so, yaknow.

mrblifil November 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm

But..but..he's a pastor!

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Sounds like he didn't get pastor fuzz.

DahBoner November 7, 2011 at 6:00 pm

"…And then he asked if she wanted that job or not."

According to the educational videos I've seen, yes, that's how most job interviews in Canoga Park begin….

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Those aren't educational videos.

rickmaci November 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Fail 1. Thinking that he would get it on with a Repube woman.
Fail 2. See Fail 1.

TheMightyHaltor November 7, 2011 at 7:29 pm

And Fails 3 through 6 (at least)

meatlofer November 7, 2011 at 6:10 pm

She's got real purdy mouth!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:52 pm

So do you, I'll bet.

iburl November 7, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Herman Cain's new Populist slogan:
"You Want a Job, Right?'

owhatever November 7, 2011 at 6:12 pm

You libtards cannot expect a man of Herman Cain's caliber to just masturbate all the time. As the good book says, "If thou ownest a pizza company, thou art entitled to free nookie, and not haveth to discuth it with thine enemies, nor verily exthplain it to thine wife."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Yeah, well, Mrs. Wifey appears to have a different notion about all his shenanigans.

iburl November 7, 2011 at 9:09 pm

If Romney can have a made up American Bible, so should Cain be able to, verily.

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm

what book of the bible is that from? "Oblivious"?

fuflans November 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

this herman, THIS is a defined benefit plan.

NYNYNYjr November 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Wow– I can't believe you posted this racist video. You know Cain is black, right? Then talking about his sexual assault history is totes totes racist. Ask racist Rush Limbaugh.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Good thing Cain's not a Halfrican-American.

DahBoner November 7, 2011 at 8:29 pm

No, but he's got some Austin Powers in him, baby…

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Yeah, unlike that "immoral" guy in the WH.

iburl November 7, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I do consider El Flushbowl to be quite well versed in the subject of anti-black racism.

rocktonsam November 7, 2011 at 6:39 pm

this wouldn't be a big deal if Cain was French or Italian .

A hand job is still a job lady!

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Citing the Mandingo Theory, Republicans will decide to like him for his sexual prowess.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm

If creeping a woman out with your grubby aggression and having your clumsy advances be summarily rejected = 'prowess'.

Forgot. We're talking about Republicans. Prowess it is.

MissTaken November 7, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I cannot wait to read his book now, especially the chapter Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car

DahBoner November 7, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Especially the section entitled: "Here's ten dollars. Now go sit in the truck while I screw your sister"

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:37 pm

I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan, won't you step inside my car?
I got pictures, got candy, I'm a lovable man
I can take you to the nearest star …

Barrelhse November 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Bitch set me up.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:54 pm

All six of them did, apparently.

finallyhappy November 7, 2011 at 7:12 pm

HEY, Kirsten, lay off the words "FAMEWHORE" for Gloria Allred- she went to the same HS as me- the Philadelphia HS for GIrls. our most infamous student was Terri Buford- Jim Jones and Mark Lane's lover- now there is a whore!

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Mark Lane is one of the most loathsome creatures on the planet.

ShitFilledExistence November 8, 2011 at 2:39 am

The C bus and subway were my lifeline to downtown in the early '90's. I especially remember Broad and Olney for the lack of transportation going north in the wee hours of the a.m…

Eat The 1% November 7, 2011 at 7:14 pm

The party of NOvember.

tribbzthesquidz November 7, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Herman Cain's new rap name is TugzTheMonz.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:18 pm

"He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” And then he asked if she wanted that job or not."

Well, a blow job is *kind* of a job, I guess.

tihond November 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm

It's a shame Wayne Larrivee can't be used to announce "THERE IS YOUR DAGGER!" when someone's political aspirations are completely shot.

PuglyDoRight November 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Ah, Christmas came early.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 10:07 pm

So did…
,
,
,
Herman.

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Christmas will not come until Mitt gets caught in some creepy, awkward sex scandal.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:25 pm

With a dog tied to the roof of a car.

Chet Kincaid November 8, 2011 at 10:27 am

It's called "Mormonism."

Eat The 1% November 7, 2011 at 7:22 pm

As a show of solidarity with all my feminist friends, I will NEVER eat crappy pizza again.

TheMightyHaltor November 7, 2011 at 7:24 pm

If Herman couldn't get a job, he only has himself to blame.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Cain's wife drunk dials Ms. Bialek demanding an apology in 3… 2…

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Mrs. Cain has too much class and dignity for that. She's a Black woman who grew up in the racist south.

Now, Ginny Thomas, OTOH …

bflrtsplk November 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Hey Herman! Wanna suck on my large pepperoni … pizza?

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Some harmless hijinks, and the bitch has to get all bent out of shape. Geez, guys have to walk around on eggshells these days.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Isn't that what Randy Paul said? Bitchez just can't take a fuckin' joke — or a joke about fuckin'.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Yes. It's also what every abusive asshole says. That and, "Look what you made me do!"

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Exactly!

krazyvladimir November 7, 2011 at 9:04 pm

She did not want to try the flavor of the week.

iburl November 7, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Imagine there's no pussy
It's easy if you try
No wife will blow us
Her pussy's super-dry
Imagine the hawt shorties
Needing jobs today

Imagine there's no morals
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to stop ol' Cornbread's
Black Walnuts making spew
Imagine all the pussy
Working under me

I may say that I'm a preacher
But I'm just a pervy crook
I hope someday you'll pay me
And the world will buy my book

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Yoko wept.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Where the hell can you Google Tamil swear words, for goodness' sake? I NEED this information!

At least the other Bangladeshis aren't calling him Lal Achmed, or whatever. The nicest Bangladeshi man I knew was named Kabir, and we always referred to him as Lal Kabir, because he was to the far left of Lenin. Srsly, these Bongs are just total fucking troublemakers, aren't they? My grandmother would have said "Oor madi soor, moina madi khoi," which is village talk, but essentially means, "Raising such a racket they're turning clay into sand," although it's far more colourful in Bangla, no?

Just tell me if your shashuri knows how to make rosgulla, or mishti doi. Because then I'll have to pack my bags and come visit.

anniegetyerfun November 8, 2011 at 9:39 am

I'm afraid that my man isn't big on sweet stuff, and doesn't particularly know how to make any of it. Can make a mean pot roast, but even I may have surpassed him in that skill recently. He's too Westernized, I'm afraid (why he is referred to as a "Bong" by other Bongs is sort of beyond me). Not a head-bobble to be found on him.

Bengalis in general, be they from the Indian or the Bangladeshi side, seem to be loud Communists. My type of people, frankly.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Damnit.

Yeah, it's one of the few states that has reliably and routinely voted for the fucking Communists ever since the Communist Party was first founded. Nothing but troublemakers, and PROUD OF IT! Also one of the great centers of mother-worship, which is triff if you're female, but can be a bit crushing if you're male. OTOH, reading about Subhas Chandra Bose last night (another fucking Bangali, wouldn't you know), who appointed a female Cabinet Minister as his right-hand in the Free India movement, and insisted that she attend all Cabinet meetings with the Japanese at his side, in order to show them how women *should* be treated. Heady stuff!

Hagar7 November 7, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Okay, it's time for Joel Bennett's Not Me to step up or shut up. Herman Cain is done, and I've always thought he was a shitpot anyway, but I'm also all about the opportunity to face your accuser, which means I'm pretty tired of hearing about the claims of Ann Onamis via her coy-ass attorney.

AddHomonym November 7, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Late-breaking! THE POLITICO quotes a Cain fundraising email:

"I also had to make tough decisions during these years. I turned around a poorly performing region for Burger King, then turned around a struggling Godfather's Pizza organization. At some point during a career like this, someone will not like things you do, or how you do it. Someone will complain."

That rat-bastard Ronald McDonald is behind this. I knew it!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Pity he failed to mention that "turned around" in normalspeak means "fired a whole bunch of working schlubs so I could take home lots more $$$."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:36 pm

I thought those were love handles? No?

PoliticalJules November 8, 2011 at 2:35 am

$5 Million in an offshore bank account can do wonders for your future…
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2803812/

crybabyboehner November 8, 2011 at 7:12 am

This guy is one Smooth Operator, that's a fact.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 8, 2011 at 7:31 am

Looks like Cocktober is followed by No-remember.

ttommyunger November 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

"He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” This may seem crass, but in fairness to Hermie, it always works when he's in a Limo with the Koch Brothers; 'course, he's the one giving the blowjob then, but…..

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Good point. I guess he thinks turnabout is fair play. Pity he didn't try it on his "brothers from another mother" to see how well it would go over first.

Troglodeity November 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Sorry if previously posted. Saw a great bumper sticker:

Herman Cain 2012: You Want a Job, Don't You?

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Yeah, Barb posted a link to that on FB. MUST HAZ!

I think the bumper sticker will sink his campaign faster than all these talking-head outings.

Smithboy November 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Dear Lord man….do you know the meaning of the word…. foreplay?

schvitzatura November 8, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Does Sharon enjoy her vegetables as much as Kortney does? She obvs did not want anything to do with Cain's dusky trouser trout..

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I think MrLimeylizzie was thinking that he looked unhealthy, as his Location Manager in Chicago was very dark-skinned and Jack was always saying how beautiful he was.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm

It has nothing to do with the colour of his skin. Usain Bolt is a VERY black man, and he is BEAUTIFUL. I mean, eat-with-a-spoon beautiful. And god knows, David Gulpilil is a beautiful man, and there are millions of Africans and South Indians and Aboriginal Australians all blacker than Mr. Cain, and all stunningly, gorgeously beautiful.

Herman Cain is a shill and a hack, a shucker and a jiver, a clown who performs for the crumbs off the Koch Bros. table. As such, he is a disgrace to any person of colour. And THAT'S what makes him an ugly, ugly man.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

It's not that consent is not *possible,* it's just that the difference in power is assumed to more amenable to abuse. Which, in this case, it certainly was.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Do you mean that, morally speaking, all "consensual" sexual relationships must be between people of like power and influence? So, if a rich man and a poor woman fall in love, would sex between them be considered rape?
Absent evidence of coercion on Clinton's part – especially none that could stem from his unique position of power and influence – shall we nonetheless assume that the inherent power differential made Monical Lewinski unable to assert her consent?
Let's carry this further and look at it from a legal point of view: Good things could come from such a philosophy. For example, cell phone companies could be prohibited from making me sign a contract for their service. They've got the money and the lawyers on their side, and there's damned sure a power differential between us.
On the other hand, this philosophy, when applied legally, could prevent me from entering into any relationships (civil, professional, sexual, etc.) with anyone who has more or less "power" than I do. In other words, your argument flies in the face of the egalitarian philosophy upon which democractic institutions are based.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I seem to recall one of Monica's friends bringing the whole thing up… because Monica bragged about it to her. I would think if it had not been completely consensual and exciting she would not have been bragging about it and should not have saved the stains on the dress… it would seem.

MaxNeanderthal November 7, 2011 at 5:14 pm

My old college class mate, Kunle, was from Northern Nigeria, and he made everyone else in the world look like albinos. That bloke was B-L-A-C-K, and looked amazing. I thought I was alone in thinking Hermie is a very odd shade for a member of homo sapiens…

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:44 pm

There's something very tight and fine-grained and silky about really dark skin. My best bud says, "Black don't crack," talking about how black folks keep their beautiful skin well into old age. But yes, that dark purple-black, almost the colour of aubergine, is just visually gorgeous.

I had a lover with skin like that once. I used to love to run my hands up and down his entire body, just for the silky feel of his beautiful, beautiful skin.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 5:15 pm

You gave your cell phone company a BJ?

NotYerGaryBusey November 10, 2011 at 6:02 pm

C'mon man: more hedonism, less 'bot.

That aside. Nicely deconstructed.

Fare la Volpe November 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm

I hear April's First was just awkward.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I love that really blue-black skin colour, but Mr Cain looks like a smoker and a drinker , he is such a dead colour.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Too be fair, not nearly as odd as Speaker Oompah Loompah.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 5:24 pm

My cell phone company gives me a regular reaming, to be sure.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Following this argument further, democracy itself is illegitimate, because democracy depends upon the "consent of the governed," and there is an enormous power differential between the citizens and the government, thereby rendering that consent impossible.
In an ideal democracy, average citizens ARE the government. But, in reality, they're not.

Swampgas_Man November 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Hey, if it got me out of my bill. . . .

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:24 pm

They usually are.

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Not as awkward as Yes You "May" Touch It.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:29 pm

True. From the point of view of the person in power, it's a terrible mistake. From the POV of the person not, it's a great opportunity to give the fucker a virtual screwing, if not an actual one.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I love POV porn!

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2011 at 5:40 pm

We should all have friends like Linda Tripp.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Not a big fan of some of the camera angles. Too formulaic.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Thanks, it sure does feel like home being here. Have another hug.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Oh, darling girl! What would I do without you! Thanks so much.

(Hugs Limeylizzie) Any chance of sneaking in a quick kiss?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Great, I've annoyed the REAL film expert out of the woodwork.

I was joking! Only joking! No gators on the fence!

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Porn? Formulaic? Never!

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 6:05 pm

I'm puckering up, my love.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 6:25 pm

He could be a variation of olive green or burgundy (my two favorite colors) and he'd still be hideous to me for that reason.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 10:31 pm

That's eggsactly how I feel about Sarah Palin. She's actually not a bad-looking woman, and a real hottie in her teenagers pics, but I just can't look at her without feeling physically repulsed because … she's a shill and a hack, etc., etc.

Oh, and for the "best" of both worlds

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:25 pm

You are SUCH a sweetheart! No wonder I'm so madly in love with you. (Kisses the beautiful girl passionately)

There. I'll be enjoying my trouser-tent for the next few hours. Thank you.

teebob2000 November 8, 2011 at 10:50 am

I think she mean on the lips…

Oops, wait…

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 7, 2011 at 6:32 pm

*pant pant* Wait…that's it? C'mon where's the big 'finish?' I didn't read all the way down this thread for nothin'. You want followers, don't you?

Srly, welcome back, you seem to have some good friend-os here.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:38 pm

You SLUT!

Thanks. It's great to be home. (Hugs AynRandPaulTard fiercely)

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:47 pm

I'd drink to that, if I was still drinking.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:48 pm

That's my Limeylizzie, my English Rose.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Natch.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I'd be very surprised if Newt doesn't try to capitalize on the Sinking of the Good Ship Cain.

Remember, these are Republicans we're talking about here. There is no hypocrisy too hypocritical for the fuckers.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm

You ARE a bad, bad Oldz! So pleased to make your acquaintance!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Ya got me, tessiee!

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:03 pm

I suspect not.

Two can play at that game, weejee, my lad. :-)

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Thanks. (squeezes Dok extra-tightly)

Sib's living in Australia, where they have decent health care, but it's a rare form of cancer, with a 75% survival rate at 10 years, and the surgery is major. I'm trying to ignore the details, but every now and then it grips me in a death-grip. I could have only ten years left with this person, and we never had that much time together, because there's a big difference in our ages, and I was long gone before sib hit the teenage years. Also, I'm getting awfully tired of people dropping like flies all around me. I just fucking lost my Dad almost exactly a year ago, and my mother a few years before that, and I'd like a *teensy little* break before the next fucking funeral, but apparently that's too much to ask of life.

So I'm reading about World War II and the horrible treatment of the civilian population on the Death Railway. Cheerful! Next subject: The Vietnam war!

Why the fuck not? At least it's all unreal, distant, and the victims have long since turned to dust. I really need better reading material.

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Thanks. Nice to make yours. By the way, in my youth I went pantie-less because I liked to have fun. Now, sadly, it is just easier on laundry.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Thanks, Raven (hugs the little bird).

I sic'ced my lawyer on them. She's tough. Hopefully she'll step on their tentacles till they give in, but thanks for the tip.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 8:59 pm

As an ex-colleague of mine likes to say, "Easy ACCESS!" She's young, what does she know. By the time she gets to our age, she won't be wearing 'em because she won't remember where the fuck she put them, or how to put them on.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 9:30 pm

I hope she tears them a new one. Several new ones.

tessiee November 7, 2011 at 9:43 pm

The co-irker to whom I refer was an asshat in general, but that statement was a particularly stupid/indefensible one. If he'd said, for example, "I don't like Bill Clinton's morals because he cheated on his wife", I might have made the counter-argument that he's a lousy husband but a good President, or some such — but that comment would have at least had *some* relation to reality.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Gawdamighty.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Co-irker. I will be stealing that using that in homage to you.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 9:57 pm

But the conservatives seeing her and getting offended are seeing her how she looks today.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 10:05 pm

You need some humorous reading – I recommend Dead Souls by Gogol if you haven't already read it. But then you'd expect me to recommend that.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Yeah, but for the conservatives, the ONLY thing that matters is that she is WHITE pussy and he is a BLACK man. Unless she's ugly as an old boot and toothless in addition, as far as they're concerned, it's a crime that he got to tap some blonde pussy.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Hahaha, you thought I wouldn't know from whence you got your nom du Net, but have I got a surprise for you. My father was exceedingly fond of Russian literature and made his children read it to him on the pretext that his arms were too short to read those books. (Don't ask me, we were kids and easily bamboozled.)

I'm supposed to be reading a series of books on film next week, if I get done with all my dismal depressing war-related reading. Hopefully *some* of it will be light. There is one cool book about Muybridge and the art and science of film. Hope flames eternal, and all that.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Oh, pdog, you unregenerate slut! My funnybone appreciates your snark.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I don't even know your mother, and already I like her.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I'm very jealous. I was a complete addict for Russian lit. as a teenager, but I was really the only one in the neighborhood. My father was a wonderful and capable man, but not much for reading or book-learning.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I think if you'd been subjected to it as an eight-year-old, you'd feel different. I mean, I do love my Dad, and he's responsible for my love of reading, but geez, neither he nor my mother ever exercised any *thought* about what might be age-appropriate reading material for children. Between D.H. Lawrence and the exploits of the Nazis in WW II, I think I got an advanced edjumacation in the worst way. OTOH, he always said he made us read about the Nazis because he was doing his bit to ensure that never again would the world witness such a holocaust. And he gave me my first readings in human rights and labour history. But I've been (re)reading War and Peace for ten years now, and still haven't got past the first 50 pages. I blame Dad for that.

You're not Russian by any chance, are you? Of course not, how could you be? Your turn of phrase definitely marks you as "not-American," though. British?

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:07 pm

{Hugs the Raven again}

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Oh! Bad! Bad!

OK, maybe not so bad.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:20 pm

True. I'm ignoring it for fear I'll pop an artery. Fuckers, the lot of them.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 11:20 pm

No, not Russian. Grew up in one of the French-speaking regions of Canada, in the only English speaking family in an otherwise 100% French speaking town up north in the back woods, or what we call "the bush". So my education was split about half and half in each language. That, along with the residual English and Scottish influence on Canadian English speech and writing seems to have given me an unplaceable style.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:27 pm

I still get a laugh out of President Obama's comment that John Boner "is a man of color; just not one found in Nature."

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Obviously, I picked the wrong time to give up drinking. Or doing cocaine, speed, crack, heroin, and prescription meds. Or sniffing glue. Or paint.

Thank you very much for that horrible, horrible image. I will not forget you. As soon as I recover, I might even do something about it.

RavenRant November 7, 2011 at 11:34 pm

If your arteries are prone to popping, this would definitely pop them. So, use discretion.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Pas de quois, cher. Ze fingers zey cannot keep up viz ze brain.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Which would certainly explain your facility with French. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 11:55 pm

I have a whole squadron of friends who have promised to kick my ass if I read news after 9 pm, on the grounds that my arteries are prone to popping from reading about the injustices of this world. Sigh. I know it's about child sexual abuse, and I know that it involves covering it up for the sake of the athletic program. And even that is making me livid. Right. I think I'll just go torment the cats now.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 11:57 pm

I did. I put some gas in the ol' internet jalopy, fired it up, and went for a spin down Douthat/Chunky Witherspoon Lane.
And I discovered my first instinct was correct: EEEEWWWW!!
Sorry, it's just that I try really hard to ignore the right-wing apologists and propagandists in the media, especially bench warmers like Douthat.
It's like that old black guy said in "The Shining:" "They're just like pictures in a book, Danny." Ignore them, and they can't hurt you.

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 12:34 am

My day job means I'm late to the Wonkette party, but I can't think of a better way to wind down than reading these threads. Keep 'em coming, folks!

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 12:37 am

You're a strange one, snackypants. These heah threads always get me bouncing off the walls late at night.

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 12:41 am

It could also be the Xanax talking.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 12:44 am

Obvy, ai needs MOAR Xanax.

Sigh.

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 12:47 am

I have a good source if you want it, it's the same place I buy my replica Rolexes and my Canadian Cialis.

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 12:48 am

And just kidding about the Xanax. I haven't touched the stuff in years. I'm more of a gin and tonic kind of girl.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 12:52 am

Hahaha! Oh, snackypants, you so crazy!

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 12:54 am

Yeah, I figured. Besides, I don't think there's a drug in the world that would work on my anxiety. Except for pot. Mmmm-mmm, pot.

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 1:01 am

Ooh, I wish I could still handle pot but it just makes me paranoid and lazy, which is as bad of a combination as it sounds. Not too good when you're a high-strung control freak like me!

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 1:22 am

As a fellow high-strung control freak, let me reassure you: I use it for pain, and it is remarkably effective (if only because you don't think about pain too much afterwards). But these days, you can get all these different strains and it's not like the old days when it was pretty hit-and-miss whether you would get some good giggleweed or some of that nasty paranoid shit. These days you can get strains that will make you more creative, or put you to sleep, or relax your jumpy nerves, or make you all obsessive and control-freaky. Very interesting, not at all like the old days.

Of course, as an unemployed retired Oldz, I can be as freaky as I want, I guess, since nobody has to suffer for it but the cats (and who are they gonna complain to?).

Dashboard_Jesus November 8, 2011 at 2:19 am

funny but that's exactly how I've felt about pot ever since college, 'paranoid and lazy' is no way to go thru life…now cocaine is a whole different story/ substance…in the 80s I took to that shit like a duck to water and after almost becoming homeless/ bankrupt/ dead I finally got help and beat THAT *habit* (ok addiction) that shit's so bad I STILL had cocaine dreams almost 20 years later, now that's some POWERFUL drugs! (thanks for the *trip* down memory drugs lane :)

snackypants November 8, 2011 at 1:39 am

If the new pot alters reality to anything like this video, I'm going to get my medical card tomorrow! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

Thanks for making my night fun, Herring_Burnit.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 1:57 am

ZOMG, I was totally fucking ripped on some good creative-making weed, and that just … ohmyfuckinggod.

Thank you, snackypants. Whee!

DaRooster November 8, 2011 at 9:39 am

word

(knew I forgot something… dammit)

Geminisunmars November 8, 2011 at 11:32 am

Sigh. She was a bawdy, intelligent, narcissistic dame and I sure miss her. Her last years she was in dementia, and that was hell, but enough time has passed so that I'm remembering her in her finer moments. Sigh. Yah, you would have liked her.

Buckminster November 8, 2011 at 1:26 pm

True dat!

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I probably would have. I'm not sure if it's worse to have a REAL human being for a mother or what. Real human beings can be such a fucking PITA. My mother, for all her faults (and they were legion) was, at least, interesting. A royal bitch, even on her good days, but interesting. All my friends' mothers were sweet ladies, but very boring. Of course, as a kid, I wished MY mother would stay home and fix my lunch and dinner, instead of working outside the home and being politically active and taking trips to strange countries and all that weird shit.

Here's a hug, just because you miss your Mom. {}

Geminisunmars November 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I feel hugged. Thanks. (Sounds like our Mas were kindred spirits. As it seems we are too.) Hugs back at ya.

Herring_Burnit November 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm

We Vintage Oldz haz to stick together.

snackypants November 9, 2011 at 12:55 am

Glad to oblige your "trip" down that road, and glad to know you beat that evil evil white life ruining powder. For me, I've seen substances ruin too many people so I stick to the soft stuff and talk big. :)

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