OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  1:16 pm November 7, 2011

Report: America Even Better At Making Its People Poor Than It Thought

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

It is time to elect Canada president of the United States.While America nervously fidgets with excitement waiting to hear all the disgusting sexytime harassment details from a new Herman Cain accuser (the press conference hasn’t happened yet, but we promise, uh, it will be gross?), let’s scan some of the crappy “other news” clogging up the Internet and see… oh,  hm, what have we here? “The ranks of America’s poor are greater than previously known, reaching a new level of 49.1 million,” says a new revised census report. UGH, QUICK, BACK TO THE HERMAN CAIN TAB.

The U.S. Census Bureau nerds got their new number, up by nearly 3 million from September’s official report, by revising their crappy old formula to finally include things like, UH, “health care costs” and “transportation.” And just like that, millions more poor filthy hobos appear! IT’S MAGICK.

Broken down by groups, Americans 65 or older sustained the largest increases in poverty under the revised poverty formula — nearly doubling to 15.9 percent, or 1 in 6 — because of medical expenses that are not accounted for in the official rate. Those include rising Medicare premiums, deductibles and expenses for prescription drugs.

Working-age adults ages 18-64 also saw increases in poverty — from 13.7 percent to 15.2 percent — due mostly to commuting and child care costs.

This new number also now includes ameliorating factors like government non-cash aid like food stamps and housing assistance, without which the total would be even monstrously more enormous! Hooray, for capitalism! [RadarOnline/AP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 247 comments }

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 1:18 pm

So when does the 1% become the .5%?

weejee November 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

After #OWS moves on to knitting and things really start to roll.

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Yes, like heads, hopefully…

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Debtors prisons are the new Social Security.

mereoblivion November 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm

And "If you're lucky we'll let you keep your job till you die" is our new pension plan.

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

If only… at least they got food and shelter there. The real new social security is a monthly lottery ticket and a can of SPAM.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Debtors' prison doesn't scare me, despite being monstrously in debt. It's kind of like being condemned to Hell when I die: I know all my friends and family will be there, so it can't be that bad.

McRibzgood November 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Today we're ALL poor. I mean we really are all poor.

hollywooddood November 7, 2011 at 3:13 pm

I have it on good authority that it's our own fault.

Amo_of_Bogio November 7, 2011 at 3:21 pm

This is why we can't have nice things. No, literally this is why.

Buzz Feedback November 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Who put this pubic hair on my Hobo Beans?

weejee November 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Morning line says Hal – 9000:1..

Major Thom November 7, 2011 at 3:08 pm

It was Ginny Thomas, for sure.

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I for one welcome the company. Thanks Amurikka! Vote Koch! (also, too)

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

But they're the "richest" fattest hobos ever! US America exceptionalism! Wooo?

GunToting[Redacted] November 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm

With cable TV and an XBox.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

So, what you are saying is that poor houses and debtors prisons are a growth opportunity?

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

See the repugs are job creators too.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 3:42 pm

They're the only ones who have ever created a job, doncha know?

chascates November 7, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Texas' private prisons might have run themselves out of business if not for the events of September 11, 2001. The new wave of fear prompted a fresh demand for prisons to hold immigrants prior to deportation. Texas found itself back in the center of a private-prison gold rush. In the last five years, numerous new private prisons have been sited in Texas, some built in as few as 90 days. Now Texas is entering a new cycle of abuse, escapes, and mismanagement. http://www.texasprisonbidness.org/about-private-p

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Yet another example of how – in the long run – our reaction to the events of 9/11 hurt us far more than the terrorist attacks themselves.
And, any industry whose profits depend upon human misery should not be allowed to exist.

chascates November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

USA! USA! Take THAT Socialist Europe!

MaxNeanderthal November 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Let's make this real simple for y'all, huh. Socialise your healthcare or die.
End of.

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

This is Class Warfare indeed, started by the riches, and the poorz are getting their asses handed to them.

Alright, I'm going to lunch now…this shit is just too depressing…

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Enjoy the PBJ… elitist!

weejee November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

new, third Herman Cain accuser

Actually, the 4th. But whose counting. Well we are, at least 'til 10, or 20 if we're still wearing Mittens Brand filp-flops and can use our toes.

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Now with more Gloria Allred!

weejee November 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Gloria and a Cain-to cull – that's almost spiritual.

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Allred? Carpet AND Drapes?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Calling Ginger Gash…

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Is it against the law to be arrested so you can be sent to prison for the food and healthcare?

McRibzgood November 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm

"Against the law to be arrested"

You just blew my mind!

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Why not? It's illegal in many states to commit suicide.

HedonismBot November 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

So, the punishment would be… putting them back on to the streets? I can hear the judge now:
"Mr. Hamburglar, your sentence for robbing the McDonald's is five years in prison. Your punishment for intentional imprisonment is early release after two years."

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Yer too late. People are already doing it.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:32 pm

They have been doing it in the winter months around here (Nor-Cal) for years…

Jerri November 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Not yet. Better get in while the gettin's good.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm

AHA, so now we know the real motive behind the lazy, soshulist poorz trying to get themselves arrested at #OWS!

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Tell those hippies to get a job!

mormos November 8, 2011 at 12:01 pm

you didn't hear about that guy who robbed a bank for one dollar so he could get arrested and receive back surgery he desperately needed in prison?

That was a real thing that happened.

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

If they included fuel and food prices, it would go up even more!

PuckStopsHere November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Why don't they just go and get jobs? Geesh.

Beowoof November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I do think that travel agent to Shanghai would be the job of the future. As if others want a job that's where they would be.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Woohoo — I'm richer than I thought! Oh wait…

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

We're Number One!

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Well, nobody can't say America's the best there is at what we do…which is generate poverty, evidently.

LabRodent November 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

We're also good at killing each other with guns. Just one more positive to add to the growing list. USA! USA

emmelemm November 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

We are really, really fucking good at that.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm

We're also good at slowly killing ourselves with lard and corn syrup.

jqheywood November 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Mmmmmm….lard…..

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Sounds like we're just really good at killing…whatever the form.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm

At least some of us are also exceptionally good at promoting totally unqualified people to run for president.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

The only way to resolve this is to cut taxes for corporations and the Top 1%.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 1:54 pm

TAXING THE RICH WON'T HELP THE POOR!

Ohforcripessake November 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Well "d'uh"

littlebigdaddy November 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Yes, but how many of those newly poor think that they are rich enough to benefit from the Bush tax breaks if their, you know, non-existent business takes off and maybe they win the lotto?

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Check the Yahoo or RedState comments boards.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Please don't make me.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

When they first called it "Yahoo", I bet they had no idea…

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

But how many of those poorz have a refrigerator or a microwave oven?

Huh? How many?

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

If the fridge and microwave are part of the crappy two room walk up that a poor and seven members of his/her family are renting, the appliances are not really theirs anyways, so probably ZERO.

chascates November 7, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Fox's Jim Pinkerton Thinks That Someone Can't be Poor and Still Own a Car, House or VCR http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/foxs-

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

And don't forget, the poorz insult America and take munniez from the 1% every hour they spend watching the teevee machine (unless they're watching FOX Noise, of course).

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Ceiling fans, also too.

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Soylent Green — it's what's for dinner!

weejee November 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

A rendition rendering?

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:05 pm

It'll go further with Soylent Helper…

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 7, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Which, not so ironically, is made from soy. (With just traces amounts of insect parts and peeble anus, per FDA regulations)

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Mmm… anus…

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Hobo bein's are people, my friend!

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Just not people who should be voting.

ttommyunger November 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

"Report: America Even Better At Making Its People Poor Than It Thought." – Also exceeding expectations in the area of pissing its citizens off

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Corporations are people too, friend.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Can we make them poor, too?

Antispandex November 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

See? Those old folk ARE spoiled! Why can't they just go out and get jobs?….Oh, um, well, they should have planned for their retirement and had a pension plan…Well sure they lost those, but it's still their fault.

Dudleydidwrong November 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Us olds are going out to get jobz–and we're taking them away from you yungger peeples 'cuz you don't need 'em and we duz. You don't see any yunggers standing in the entrances of Walmart Superstores checking bagz and handing out cartz, do you? Eight dollarz an hour and all the out-of-date milk you can drink! Hot Damn!

By the way, that can of Hobo Beans–where'dya get it? I can't find the large economy size at my Salvation Army store.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

No snark: Right at this moment I am sitting in the waiting room of an outpatient physical therapy center, waiting to be told about all the medical care I will have to administer personally to my 99% of a mother who isn't allowed to stay in the hospital (even though she needs it). Her insurance company thinks (it's a person, so it can think) an 85-year-old should be functioning normally six days after major surgery and if she can't, well, her kids have to pick up the slack. After all, isn't that why she had kids? I don't remember getting a medical degree; apparently I forgot to do that at the same time I forgot to make a million dollars! I'm such a fuck up.

Antispandex November 7, 2011 at 4:44 pm

I'm really sorry to read that. They did something of the like to my mom, and she worked from the time she was sixteen, until she was 72. Fortunately for the poor folks running her god awful H.M.O. she didn't linger and cost them too much money. That way they didn't have to lay off a minimum wage clerical worrker. I'll just say good luck to you and your mom, because it would be illegal to suggest the course I would like to recommend.

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Thanks for the support. And I'm really sorry about your mom. I don't know too many people in our age group who aren't dealing with these depressing issues. My best friend is assisting a mother and an aunt who have dementia and when I feel sorry for myself I call her. She's got it worse.

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Blame yo'self!

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2011 at 1:24 pm

So you're saying that America has a wealth of poverty. How exceptional.

iburl November 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

American Jesus will provide for his flock. In Heaven. If you act like an American Taliban.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 1:37 pm

American Jesus! Stay away from me!!

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Hey! If Jesus can win an NFL game for Tim Tebow, what's a little eternal life for His Players!!!1!

donner_froh November 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

If the Census Bureau did its job the right way and eliminated expenditures for unnecessary items like food, clothing and shelter there would be fewer poor people.

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

If the Census Bureau didn't exceed its Constitutional mandate and only did a simple head count, we wouldn't even have to know all this depressing stuff!

RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! DON'T TREAD ON ME!!!!!

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Well, "they" say that money can't buy happiness.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:06 pm

We must be happy as fuck!

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 2:15 pm

"If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it." – Weird Al

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:25 pm

They say that money
can't buy you love in this world
But it'll get a half-pound of cocaine
and a sixteen year old girl
in a great big long limousine
on a hot September night
Now, that may not be love
But it is all right.

–R Newman, "It's Money That I Love"

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Liquor and/or Zoloft ain't free.

LionHeartSoyDog November 7, 2011 at 2:37 pm

"Can't buy me luhhhhhh-uv."

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Yeah, but who needs hapiness when you've got a Cadillac, blow and hookers?

LabRodent November 7, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Money cant buy all that happiness I see in their poor homeless eyes. Take that you Rich Fucks.

KathrynSane November 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

</snark> I've been unable to laugh at hobo beans jokes ever since I offered to buy an elderly homeless man something at the grocery store. He came in with me, picked up two cans of beans, and sheepishly asked if he could get a third. Dude was a veteran. The entire interaction was just…ugh. So sad. Fucking America, man.

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

That just broke my fucking heart. Thank goodness you were there.

LabRodent November 7, 2011 at 1:37 pm

The good part about that story is the next homeless guy/women who ask me for something today may get a shopping spree on me.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

That the saddest part, how many of the homeless are veterans. Republiklans are all about supporting the troops as long as they are killing brown people. But the minute they come home, fuck em, you're on your own.

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Standing in front of the Wall'o'Troops- good for campaign
Standing in front of homeless veterans- bad for campaign
Voting to raise taxes to pay for wars and veterans- bad for campaign contributions

Everybody's got that down

GorzoTheMighty November 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

But at least they are pro-life from conception to birth. They have that going for them. Sigh…

Rotundo_ November 7, 2011 at 5:16 pm

They're only "pro-life" to the minimal extent it takes to get the pigeons into the voting booth for another term. Not a one of them has any more respect for life than they do for their fellow man. As long as they can bamboozle them into the booth to press the magic button. If they truly were as rabidly "pro-life" as they act, they would have railroaded the right to choose while Dubya was in office if not before. They have the court stacked, they have everything they need, but they know if they pull the trigger the gimmick is gone and the lure of the voting booth is gone. Gun owners are almost as stupid a lot, played like a fucking harp from hell.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Obummer did sign some executive whachmacallit to help vets today.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm

BLESS YOU!!

fartknocker November 7, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Your a kind person.

My family sends money every month to the local food bank. Quarterly they send out a newsletter telling us how they are doing. What's sad is they have more and more demands for service, instead of the opposite.

For all the great things this Nation has to offer, one would think we would not have a problem with hunger and homelessness.

KathrynSane November 7, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Homelessness is one of those issues that just kills me, especially because NO ONE CARES. I live in a decent-sized city and the way people treat homeless people is just fucking disgusting. A homeless man got literally beaten to death in broad daylight in a busy tourist/business area here a few years back. No one cared enough to help.

memzilla November 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Let's see… increasing poverty of citizens… an exploited labor force… multiple wars… bloated defense spending… plutocrats getting plutocrattier… bribery of government officials… a shrinking state treasury… competition from foreigners… mindless entertainment to distract the masses from all of the above… yup, sounds like headlines torn from either the newspapers of 2011 or the Roman Daily Times of 395 A.D.

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:42 pm

The problem is that those Roman headlines started appearing in 65 BC (in one interpretation, Julius Caesar was the FDR of his time and Brutus the "malefactor of great wealth") and kept going for another 500 years. Unjust societies are often notoriously and annoyingly long-lived.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 1:54 pm

So then we can look forward to the elimination of democracy and 500 years of imperial expansion where we know longer pretend we're not just trying to take over the world?

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:27 pm

"look forward to"?

Oh, you were expecting an announcement.

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Well, except for the fact that with increased technological advancement everything gets sped up, including climbs and declines.

poorgradstudent November 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

The only thing missing is a crazy new religion that's a hit smash among the elite. Oh fuck, that could be either Scientology or Mormonism…

iburl November 7, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I think "Tax Cuts For The Rich" is practically a religion.

sati_demise November 7, 2011 at 2:15 pm

the Church of Trickle Down. yes, its membership is about half of America because of their excellent mainstream media.

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:28 pm

It's based solely on faith, after all.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

And the Conservatards are eagerly awaiting the resurrection of St Ronald.

Millennial Malaise November 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

What's sad is many of those headlines could have come from 500 years earlier, before the Republic was totally kaput.

I shudder to think how much farther we could go but our decline will probably go much faster since the United States is so awesome at things. Especially self-destruction.

MrFizzy November 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

That's what's going to happen when you're competing with a country like China, which has 1.3B laborers, a low standard of living, and no environmental regulations. Couple that with the fact that they have finally learned how to make things that are worth a shit, and it's big trouble. Oh, did I mention that they don't have buffoons like Herman Cain and Rick Perry trying to lead the country?

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Yeah…but they do have there own brand of buffoons, so there's that.

MrFizzy November 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I think our buffoons are really good, though. Nothing like a drunk, ignorant Texan to stir the imagination of the public, evidently.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

And a dumb-ass-pizza-guy…

(.com)

GeorgiaBurning November 7, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Theirs go to Macau or Vegas to paw whores, drink and gamble politely out of sight and in officially designated areas. I miss shame.

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Ah, but our buffoons are better* than their buffoons.

* More buffoony

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 11:49 pm

with the fact that they have finally learned how to make things that are worth a shit

I'm sorry, but for all that nation's improvement, they will be little more than the WalMart of the world for a very long time. China's only strength is its bulk, not its quality, and that's not going to change any time soon.

MrFizzy November 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

Absolutely true – unfortunately, if Walmart is the model, the Chinese are going to do just fine selling ordinary products to us, because no one in this country's going to have any money.

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Now I understand why the Republicans want to raise taxes for poor people. There are so many of them, after all, and if they would just pay income taxes on top of all the other taxes they pay, they'd stop being poor.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I suppose that at least everyone will be slimming down now. http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2011/11/07/362845/m

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

All the unemployed should be made to starve to death — it's a two-fer!

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Leave it to Michele to raise the bar on crazy.

Maman November 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

That is why the right is so against the "War on Christmas" because Christmas makes people forget their poverty. So we must be totally fucked according to the Burl Ives song I heard this morning.

chascates November 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Also Christmas is the time to think of the less fortunate so they don't need to rely on 'government handouts' but instead need to rely on 'charity'.

Mumbletypeg November 7, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"Christmas makes people forget their poverty"

Little Match Girl's ghost would like a word with you.

Goonemeritus November 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Capitalism the worst economic system in the world except for …… I got nothing, anyone got something worse?

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Feudalism wasn't so great either.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

You're tired of it too, eh?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Libertarianism, and capitalism with any/every laissez-faire tweak the current slate of GOP prez candidates is touting.

sati_demise November 7, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Crony capitalism. Our current system here in America.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I thought we were an autonomous collective.

jqheywood November 7, 2011 at 2:28 pm

You're fooling yourself…we're living in a dictatorship…

Smitros November 7, 2011 at 10:44 pm

We're kingless at any rate.

ShaveTheWhales November 7, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Most tries at state communism haven't really worked out that well.

Negropolis November 7, 2011 at 11:51 pm

The only thing that makes our kind of capitalism attractive is its sexy veneer, you know, it's ability to wrap a turd in diamonds. This is not a free market no matter how much they continue to parrot that bullshit.

CapnFatback November 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

The Invisible Hand of the Free Market is too busy jackin' it and giving the 1% pearl necklaces to be bothered.

KathrynSane November 7, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I'm pretty sure the Invisible Hand is busy punching the American working class in the face. Repeatedly.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I'm pretty sure it's pulling on an invisible latex glove, even as we speak.

Lucidamente1 November 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

At least during the Gilded Age, the Robber Barons built railroads; now that would just be socialistic infrastructure.

chascates November 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm

And some of those same Robber Barons donated huge sums to good works and I don't mean the finest in 300-foot yachts.

sati_demise November 7, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I like those Carnagie libraries.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Only till that one guy is out of the White House…

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

So it's really just the census bureau nerds making us poor. Damn you nerds!

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Look at yourself. Then look at five other people around you. One of you is living below the poverty line.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Of the tree people currently in the building, two of the them are below the poverty line. But they both work for me, so that's to be expected.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Tree people? What, you've got Ents working for you?

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Turmits?

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Things are bad alright, but returning to the trees after 10 million years on the ground is not the answer, poorz.

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 2:38 pm

But I'm reading this from the country club!

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Tote that bag!

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm

For some reason I find myself suddenly fresh out of snark.

Joshua Norton November 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm

"I can hire one-half of the working class to kill the other half."

– Jay Gould

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Right now I am typing this on an iPhone while wearing raggedy, fingerless gloves. Does that mean I am a dirt poor hobo or an elitist?

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Ironic hipster, if a vintage bicycle is somehow involved.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Schwinn Stingray FTW!

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Gloves are not ironic. I am at work and it is cold and need to use my fingers. Oh wait, I just answered my own question. Job = elitist.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Job which requires you to do something useful = not elitist.

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I make beer. Most useful thing ever!

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Yes…

sati_demise November 7, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Hollywood elite.

terriblyfamous November 7, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I think it means you're a tortured modernist. Good for you.

ThundercatHo November 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I can't wait for the latest GOP "War on Wealth" debate. It should be a frothy mixture of bullshit, snakeoil, ignorance and xtian zealotry.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2011 at 1:43 pm

This new number also now includes ameliorating factors like government non-cash aid like food stamps and housing assistance

Oh, man. You mean I have to poor to get this shit? What a ripoff.

Gubbmint handz offa my gubbmint assistance!

orygoon November 7, 2011 at 1:51 pm

You should read the book "It Takes a Pillage". No, you don't need to be poor to get gubmint munny. In fact, it's pretty much the other way around, when you're talking about the *real* gubmint munny.

GOPCrusher November 7, 2011 at 2:06 pm

During the Reagan Depression, we used to stand in line to get gubmint cheese and butter. Until some entitled students at the local University broadcasted to the world that they used the cheese to hold Wine And Cheese parties on campus.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Boone's Farm!

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Slightly OT, but now a fourth woman's come out saying Herman sexually harassed her. How did this guy ever manage to get any work done?

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Isn't "multitasking" one of the habits of Highly Effective Sexual Harassers?

imissopus November 7, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Sexual Harrasers are people too, my friend.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:13 pm

It was just that *smile* at the end of his ads that they found harassing.

terriblyfamous November 7, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Obviously he made the bitches do all his work for him after they refused to give him the Clinton treatment.

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Raising "Little Cain."

BlueStateLibel November 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Oh boy, you guys are going to have a field day when you find out the details on this one. This is the kind of stuff Wonkette was made for.

Blueb4sunrise November 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

12 pack of Hobo Soup with shipping is $35.00

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Is it made with Certified Organic hobos?

Blueb4sunrise November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"Bacon"

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Hey… baconzgood…

orygoon November 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

This makes me feel so much better about being poor.

Okay, I lied. Not really.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Welcome to Hobo-obo-obo-stan stan.

imissopus November 7, 2011 at 1:53 pm

The solution is obviously to cut government funding for the Census Bureau jobs that involve compiling these reports. Problem solved!

Blueb4sunrise November 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I wish that were funny. It will probably be on Cantor's website soon.

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

It worked for the FDA and others. Listeria, anyone?

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Just the name "Bureau of Labor Statistics" just says "dead meat" all over it. GOPers hate Bureaus, hate labor, and hate facts.

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

You should run for office.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

But our media elite still have no idea why the Occupy Wall Street people are so angry.

Also Kirsten, is Ken's pessimism rubbing off on you?

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Not only do the media elite not have any idea (or pretend not to have any idea) but the vacuum is being filled by 1% – certified Republican talking points as we speak. The protesters are saying "gimmie, gimmie" (really? I haven't heard anything like that). They differ from the tea party in that the tea party wants no bailouts at all, but the OWS people want their own bailout. (Says the teaparty Venus. And who exactly said that, half-gov? When?) And so on. Get ready for the 24/7 Fox drumbeat: OWS is all about getting money for the protesters from the government. I'm sure if they look hard enough and ask sufficiently booby-trapped questions, they can find some poor schlub who might even say something on camera that could be interpreted as saying he wants a bailout, or a handout,… Poor schlub's ten-second edited clip will be broadcast round the clock as the voice of a "representative of the movement". Republicans will appear on all shows, in a British square alternating fire/reload with their mates, repeating the baseless claim: these people are just out for their own cash-grab. And did you know there's a guy who used foodstamps to buy steak and lobster? Purportedly "moderate" and (sob) "left-wing" typists and the usual TV bavardeurs/bavardeuses will adopt the Republican framing……

This is how "consensus" is forged.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Check-down to the other definition of "forge" at the line of scrimmage.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Ah, good eye! I didn't see that ambiguity, but it's a nice one. True on either reading. William Empson would approve.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Stop being well-educated! Some of us are trying to fake it, here.

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Rubbing off? I thought it was a prerequisite for the jerb…

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Wow, Dok, what do you think this is, the National Restaurant Association?

Eve8Apples November 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm

This clearly demonstrates why we must cut taxes for billionaires and millionaires.

Oblios_Cap November 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I'm surprised that the USA is not a commonwealth. We have such a wealth of commoners.

subsum November 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm

We definitely need fewer poor people. Let's start another war so we can send them off to get killed.

sati_demise November 7, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Costs too much.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Hey, how 'bout if instead of "fighting them there" (too expensive), we just switch to "fighting them here"? Sure, might get a bit noisy, but just think of all the cannon fodder that we can throw at the enemy without breaking the bank.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Not true. Wars are free. So are aircraft carriers and fighter planes. Those staggeringly large dollar figures that get quoted are only for illustration of what they would cost if they weren't free. That's why taxes only go toward foodstamps, Medicare and schoolteacher salaries.

flamingpdog November 7, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Drones are people too, friend.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 2:20 pm

"Working-age adults ages 18-64 also saw increases in poverty…"

Well shit man, all categories will increase in poverty if you go adding in "costs"of things and "lack of jobs and raises"… fuck… what did you think would happen?

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 2:30 pm

That's why the consumer price index never including such pesky things as "food" and "fuel".

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Fuck 'em. Drop some McDonald's applications on their asses from predator drones!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/04/occupy-c

Chicago Traders, making sure they remain the #1 synonym for "asshole" in the thesaurus!

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

The Chicago Board of Trade continues to prove that money does indeed buy class.

Still, you have to give them credit for only being insane passive-aggressive assholes and also plagarists with all this stuff, instead of going Full Class Warfare, and mowing protestors down in luxury cars, or having the police shoot protestors, in the head.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 2:26 pm

And, it looks like Herman Cain harassed Loni Anderson. Put a hand up her skirt and "measured her height" rather aggressively.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57319854-5

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 2:29 pm

White and blond. Christ Cain…stereotype much?

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 2:38 pm

And I see it took the second comment before the sexual harassment justification came up:

"So let me understand this. This woman, who had no direct working connection to Hermain Cain says that Herman Cain made a pass at her, and when she asked him to stop, he did. "

This is what the commenter thinks is "making a pass": "he put his hand under her skirt and pushed her head toward his crotch after a dinner together". Um, no.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Ah, the ol' First Date USFB. It's his signature move. How do you think he met his wife?

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

It's a bit of a low bar of expectations for a presidential hopeful, but I guess we really should be glad he at least knows that nein means nien-nien

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

"he put his hand under her skirt and pushed her head toward his crotch."

In Italy, that's called "foreplay."

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

"Berlusconi is my brother from another mother!!"

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Nah, she was an adult at the time, not fourteen.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Loni Anderson? Secretary Jennifer in WKRP? Chased by Burt Reynolds, playing a NASCAR driver, in Stroker Ace? [Look, I didn't give it the title.] The time for snark is over: Herman Cain has been putting his hand up the skirt of AMERICA!

CogitoErgoBibo November 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm

"Put a hand up her skirt and "measured her height" rather aggressively. "

And then aggressively asked that she measure HIS "height," up close and personal.

Clancy_Pants November 7, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I swear that's Palin with a blonde wig. Way to stay current Sarah!

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Mmmm. Even I might like to harass her. JUST KIDDING, HONEY! PUT DOWN THE FRYING PAN! OW! OW!

x111e7thst November 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Not good enough! The Koch brothers will not be content until we have whole towns mining the dumps for stuff to eat and wear and live in.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 2:47 pm

You can still buy hobo beans at the company store.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Like Steve McQueen and Ali McGraw in "The Getaway".

Rotundo_ November 7, 2011 at 5:29 pm

And charging WalMart prices for the luxury of it all.

Come here a minute November 7, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Hooray, for capitalism!

Michele Bachmann told me it was Frugal Socialism.

Redhead November 7, 2011 at 3:00 pm

$11,000 is the poverty level for a single adult – and $22,000 for a family of four? Ummmm… for $11,000 annually in rent around here you can get a decentish place where you (probably) won't get shot and where most of the appliances work sometimes/most of the walls don't have (very much) mold.

HuddledMass November 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Around here, for $11K/year, you can get a hideous dump in a seriously dangerous neighborhood — but you can't heat it, or turn the lights on. Or eat.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm

It sounds like the rent really is too damn high where you too live; I pay around that much a year and have a pretty nice place for a single person.

jus_wonderin November 7, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I can't wait to get home tonight. It's Rock Soup Night on Abbey Lane.

owhatever November 7, 2011 at 3:04 pm

All the damn poors have to do is become CEO on Wall Street, be hired as a Washington lobbyist or invent an Internet, then they would have lots of money and stop whining.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Or get a job as a radio talkshow host or Fox News contributor.

meatlofer November 7, 2011 at 3:15 pm

There is a couple of good paying jobs open at Penn State!

Mahousu November 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I can cut our poverty rate in half:
1. Herman Cain raises millions of dollars.
2. He sexually harasses poor women.
3. He pays them "five-figure" settlements out of the money he's raised, enough to put them over the poverty line.
4. When word of this leaks, his supporters feel he is falsely accused.
5. Go to step 1.

user-of-owls November 7, 2011 at 3:30 pm

by revising their crappy old formula to finally include things like, UH, “health care costs” and “transportation.” And just like that, millions more poor filthy hobos appear!

Hey guys, you think we could try to plug in a new variable, like maybe social justice,' and see what happens? For the hobos, you know? Sort of a, 'Now ya see 'em, now ya don't' trick? I think a lot of people would like that.

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 3:41 pm

2.5 hours. I think we've mined this vein thoroughly. *folds arms, looks at watch impatiently, taps toe.*

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Five and a half YEARS, Baldar!…Oops, wrong election.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Sounds like Herm laid the full "Smoove B" treatment on Ms. Bialek:

Ms. Bialek said she sat next to Mr. Cain at several events during the association's convention a month earlier. "He was warm and attentive," Ms. Bialek said, reading from a prepared statement and noting that her boyfriend was present at one event.

When she contacted Mr. Cain after her termination, he agreed to meet with her in Washington, D.C., where the association has its national office, Ms. Bialek said.

When she arrived at her hotel to check in, Ms. Bialek said she was surprised to find that her room was a spacious suite. Later, she met Mr. Cain in the lobby for drinks, and he asked about the room, and when she told him it was nicer than expected, he "smirked and then said, 'I upgraded you,' " she said.

Afterwards, he offered to show her the association's offices, she said. "Instead of going in, he suddenly reached over and put his hand on my leg," Ms. Bialek said, adding that he reached up her skirt, then "grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch."

jus_wonderin November 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Was he practicing a wrestling move on Ms. Bialek?

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm

The Full Herman.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

"The ranks of America’s poor are greater than previously known, reaching a new level of 49.1 million"

The post misunderstands what the study was doing. It wasn't counting the number of poor people, but rather how highly individual poor people rank, on average, on the bamboozled scale (sometimes called the Poisson distribution). The scale measures how well a poor person conforms to the expectations of the oligarchy of the country in question. 100 points for blaming yourself for systematic unemployment, 100 points for despising any other person who suggests unionization or even just political action as a road to relief, 100 points for enthusiastically watching the oligarchy-approved propaganda channel for information,…..

As you can see, the US has left other countries in the dust for first place. Even kleptocracies like the Congo have a hard time breaking a million.

jus_wonderin November 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I bet he used this line on her, "With a name like Bialek, you've got to be good".

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Bah — according to a 2005 GOP-funded study, 95% of these so-called poors have refrigerators, and 97% of them still have two working kidneys.

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 4:42 pm

On a disgustingly – related note, supporters of the Keystone XL pipeline have a website called jobsforthe99.com. Never mind the poor, kill the environment…
Assholes.

Dok-cupy Everything November 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

"Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans."

bagofmice November 7, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Floating across a pond in the exact sort of way that a bowling ball wouldn't.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Cool. I was a brewmaster in a former life. The first brewer hired for these guys first location, in fact. It sure has gotten bigger/fancier since I was the guy shoveling barley out of the mash tun. I'm guessing that photo is actually one of their other locations. You must be in cellaring if you wear gloves for warmth. I always had gloves on, but just to keep my hands dry and safe from cleaning chemicals, etc.

Where do you work?

BigDumbRedDog November 7, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Nice! It's always good to talk to another beer person. I am actually a microbiologist, but a lot of my work (yeast propagation/handling, beer sampling) is pretty hands on. I also do beer/wort chemistry, sensory and a lot of data crunching. I'd rather not say where I work as it is a small enough company that it could blow my cover if the wrong person read this. The company is of the craft beer variety, but big enough to need the services of a microbiologist. I will leave it at that.

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