TRICK QUESTIONS  10:53 am November 7, 2011

Herman Cain Not Entirely Sure What This Medicare Thing Is

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Serial scumball Newt Gingrich and banal grifter idiot Herman Cain held some kind of “modified Lincoln Douglas style debate” Saturday night, which attracted exactly as much media attention as Newt Gingrich desperately blathering reasons why he deserves Herman Cain’s veep pick on a Saturday night as you’d expect. There was exactly one fun part, when Herman Cain was asked the world’s most incredibly basic question on whether he will keep Medicare (the current “defined benefits plan”) or destroy Medicare (Paul Ryan’s “premium support plan”). Herman Cain has no idea what any of that is, so he tries his usual tack of repeating a few of the words back for a few seconds and then just gives up and makes a weird “fatal server error” face. IS IT UR TURN ALREADY, NEWT?!?!

TalkingPointsMemo has a useful summary of the debate if you’re into that kind of horrorporn, but the problem was that Herman Cain was asked a question first. This is how the entire exchange went otherwise: Newt talked for six billion years and then Herman Cain said, “yeah, whutever Newt said.”

“If you’re dealing with something as big as Medicare, you can’t force people, because they will oppose you,” Gingrich said, then speaking at length about the need to fully re-examine entitlement programs, crack down on fraud and abuse, and get policymakers to think about the choices in front of them, before ending on a punchline: “And getting people in Washington to think is a very big challenge.”

Cain opened his own response by saying: “At this particular juncture I’m supposed to have a minute to disagree with something he said — but I don’t.”

Which is exactly what Abraham Lincoln would have said. [YouTube/TPM]

 

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{ 255 comments }

El Pinche November 7, 2011 at 10:55 am

Comeon libtards, leave Mr. Beckybeckybeckystan alone. He's the Kock brother from another planet.

Schmannnity November 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

Another planet? Uranus?

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Which Koch is that… David?

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

He's the Kochs' version of My Favorite Martian, except that he goes by "Uncle Tom."

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 10:56 am

Medicare? It helps the olds so lets get rid of it.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 11:20 am

The problem is that olds vote.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

There's a reason all the Republican plans to destroy Medicare and Social Security leave them in place for the current olds, just destroy them for the rest of us when we become old ourselves.

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Well, sure we do. What else do we have to do while waiting around to die?

Beowoof November 7, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Vote.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Tell the kids to get off your lawn and complain about much worse these kids today are than you were. And now, mourn that the quintessential grouchy old man is dead.

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 12:19 pm

And Ron Paul's eyebrows are molting in grief.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Play with a remote controlled pink dildo while watching tranny porn? Or is that just in the south?

iburl November 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

A problem that the GOP has plans to fix.

Pragmatist2 November 7, 2011 at 10:56 am

He wasn't stumped. he was staring at that short woman in the first row. The one about the same height as his wife.

forgracie November 7, 2011 at 10:59 am

One pizza–hold the sausage.

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 11:21 am

I wonder if Cain's favorite pizza is anchovy, especially cut in that wonderful delta shape.

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I tried that one, it tasted like shit. When I complained, he told me to turn it over…

tihond November 7, 2011 at 2:31 pm

"You want a spot here in the debate audience, don't you?" Cain said as he tried to hold the audience member's hand to his crotch.

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:21 am

#threadoftheweek

mereoblivion November 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

"If you're dealing with something as big as sex, you can't force people, because they will oppose you," Gingrich said ruefully, nudging Cain to wake him up and make sure he got the point.

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Newt would know.

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

Medicare? Needs more Palinesque death panels.

McRibzgood November 7, 2011 at 10:58 am

Who cares what the fuck it is? CUT IT!!!!

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

Except war spending. Oh, and tax cuts for billionaires and oil companies. And ADM. And WalMart.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

And Congressional salaries/benefits. Those are necessary, too. Also. So, you know, they won't be tempted to take lobbyist money.

philpjfry November 7, 2011 at 10:58 am

Medicare, yeah I have heard of that, doesn't that come with anchovies?

Schmannnity November 7, 2011 at 10:58 am

Celebrate the stupidity, you libtard bastards.

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 10:59 am
Schmannnity November 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

Hell hath no fury like a woman represented by Gloria "Limelight" Allred.

Diabeetis November 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

Allred on the scene arguably assures Cain the White House, unfortunately.

Schmannnity November 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

It did not work out so well for her clients versus O.J., Arnold Schwartzenegger, Tiger Woods, or Anthony Weiner.

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm

At least she's bi-partisan?

FlownOver November 7, 2011 at 11:01 am

Finally – full coverage on Entertainment Tonight. For a day and a half.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

And the Republican response has basically been to go full-on retrograde sexist, not merely content to call the women liars like they did with Anita Hill but to deny that sexual harassment is a problem and instead claim the problem is women complaining about it, because is should be perfectly OK for powerful men to harass their female employees. They're showing their true colors, just like with the overt racism that's slipped out in some of the attacks on Obama.

Also, see Amanda Marcotte's take:
http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/conse

Beowoof November 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

There is a sense that the republicans believe these women should have just shut up and fucked him Mad Men style.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

Ruh Roh!

Terry November 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

The floodgates are fixin' to open on old Herman. He doesn't have the staff structure to cover things up and spin. Stuff's gonna start sticking.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 12:10 pm

"But if you are about yea tall… I got the staff for that."

JustPixelz November 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

When your only tool is Gloria Allred, every problem looks someone who got nailed.

Occupy V572 November 7, 2011 at 11:51 am

Havn't you heard, L²? There's no such thing as sexual harassment anymore.

♪♫That was just a dream…♪♬

not that Dewey November 7, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Damn. Just removed my duplicate reference to that awesome article.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Dahlia Lithwick is as wonderful as her name.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Stop making her uncomfortable!

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 12:33 pm

How many is that now, twelve?

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2011 at 12:44 pm

I wish this would come out in Feb after a couple of the stupid caucuses/primaries. That way he would still be around extolling the stupid and koch-blocking the other candidates.

forgracie November 7, 2011 at 10:59 am

9-9-9?

One trick pony…

freakishlywrong November 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

Mine-mine-mine.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Zero trick pony. From the number of harassment suits, it looks like he never got laid.

FlownOver November 7, 2011 at 10:59 am

They meant Elmo Lincoln. Or maybe Hot Rod Lincoln. Or Lincoln Town Car.

And McDonnell-Douglas, obvs.

__kth__ November 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

They're definitely gonna drive me to drinkin (short drive, admittedly)

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

"Lincoln-Douglas style debate" my ass.
Looks closer to a Lincoln-Douglass debate, no?

(Admittedly, Knoot in the role of Lincoln is a hell of a stretch.)

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

See here son, yer gonna drive me to drinkin'
if you don't stop debating Abraham Lincoln

memzilla November 7, 2011 at 10:59 am

"Herman Cain Not Entirely Sure What This Medicare Thing Is"

Medicare is the gummint subsidy that keeps people alive who would otherwise have died from eating shi**y food like Godfather's Anus n' Corn Syrup Pizza.

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

"That's what Newt Said" the new internet meme.

"Oh my god, I'm shitting Tiffany Cufflinks" TWNS.
"I'm a big irrelevant failure who's an even bigger joke candidate than Michelle Bachmann" TWNS
"You got cancer? Fuck that I'm outta here!" TWNS
"Herman Cain's favorite suit is his sexual harassment suit from Saville Row." TWNS

See? It's "fun."

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 11:24 am

"Why does everyone think I'm such a loser?" TWNS

Not_So_Much November 7, 2011 at 11:29 am

"You gonna finish that pork roast?" TWNS

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

"Is she dead yet?" TWNS

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

"I'm old enough to be her what?" TWNS

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"I leered at that ass because I love America too much." TWNS

tihond November 7, 2011 at 2:37 pm

"Have you read my books about the Civil War? Neither have I." TWNS

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 11:01 am

"Madicare? In what respect, Charlie?

Sue4466 November 7, 2011 at 11:01 am

Huh. Somehow I must have missed all the olds lined up opposing their Medicare benefits.

Keep the guv'mint out of my Medicare!

Sue4466 November 7, 2011 at 11:02 am

Of course, in GOP circles, Newt is the smart one. The smart bar being set at subterranean.

El Pinche November 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

Ahhh He's the Brian Kilmeade of the GOP candidates.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

"Of course, in GOP circles, Newt is the smart one. "

Which is surprising since bodacious ta-tas are usually equated with nitwits.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Newt's the Smart One? Like Lennon? Who rounds out the other members of the Beatles Of Right-Wing Dreck?

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

They're really more of a Sergeant Pepper's album cover. The correct answer is "all of them Katie."

Fred_Wertham_Jr November 7, 2011 at 11:03 am

As someone who tackled many an essay question on topics he knew absolutely nothing about in college, I say that Herman Cain is a disgrace to all bullshitters. He's not even trying.

Occupy V572 November 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

Something I never thought I'd say: Palin could have done better than that.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 12:58 pm

No fair. The ink on his hand doesn't show up as well for Cain.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

You haven't looked at black folks' palms, have you? Let me help – (SMACK)

I keed because I love.

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:29 am

That made me physically shudder to see those words typed out.

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 11:03 am

This fuckwit was an "Executive" and doesn't know what a defined benefit plan is? No wonder the economy is in the mess it is.

Occupy V572 November 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

As an "executive" at the restaurant lobby, his job was to ensure that restaurant workers didn't ever get health insurance.

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 12:00 pm

And especially to prevent them from unionizing.

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

It was a trick question.

Callyson November 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm

He was lost when they used the term "benefit," without prefacing it with "executive – only."

donner_froh November 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

Does Herman Cain know anything about anything?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

He's got an MBA. So no.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

Ha!

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:30 am

Nice, mon ami. Nice.

Mahousu November 7, 2011 at 11:19 am

He knew that Ciao Baby Cucina had a decent happy-hour spread. And that it was only a short cab ride from there to his apartment. And that maybe you had had a little too much to drink.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:24 am

He'll remember recalling something about that one thing soon.

Terry November 7, 2011 at 11:35 am

Sure, he knows how to charm women in the workplace for a start…..

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Apparently he was about as good at that as he is responding to policy questions.

Come here a minute November 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

Herman Cain remembers his wife's height. She comes up to about here.

Occupy V572 November 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

For the moment. She might be somewhere else pretty soon.

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:32 am

I don't care how many times I see this new meme, I lough out loud every single time. "She comes up to about here" is this generation's "that what she said."

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

He knows how tall they have to be so he can use their head as a coaster.

samsuncle November 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

After the debate Newt and Herman went out bar hopping and Newt was Herman's wingman.

seppdecker November 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

There are the two greatest minds of the Republican Party.

orygoon November 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

These guys are up for the big votes as almost a Christmas present, the primaries are so early. In spite of endless debates, nobody is ready. Not the candidates. Not the voters. None of us poor schmoos. Mountain-o-fail.

SexySmurf November 7, 2011 at 11:06 am

You know who else was an unqualified Black man?

ManchuCandidate November 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

OJ!

nounverb911 November 7, 2011 at 11:08 am

Steve Martin?

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Apparently I can't read.

Schmannnity November 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

Gene Wilder (Stir Crazy)?

Monsieur_Grumpe November 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

Ann Coulter?

Geminisunmars November 7, 2011 at 12:47 pm

(S)he has The Best Blacks.

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

That's what (s)he said.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

Al Jolson?

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

Ted Danson?

OneDollarJuana November 7, 2011 at 11:31 am
SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

Steve Martin?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

Rent is Too Damn High Guy?

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Michael Jackson?

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

Cleavon "Sheriff Bart" Little?

fartknocker November 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Alvin Greene? No wait, he's more qualified than Herm.

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Conrad Black?
Jack Black?

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Clarence Thomas?

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 12:40 pm

FTW

gullywompr November 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

"All of them, Katie"
~ The Tea Party

PuckStopsHere November 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Donovan McNabb?

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Bill Clinton? George Clinton?

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:35 am

George Jefferson? Jefferson Davis? Thomas Jefferson? Dave Thomas?

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 12:42 pm

A dude playin' a dude disguised as another dude?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOu9TmWGKLg

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Michael Steele?

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 7, 2011 at 12:50 pm
chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Carl Lewis?

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

No, I do not. Do you know?

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

For the win!

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:33 am

Robert Downey, Jr.?

Honestly, I does not know. I does not know.

fartknocker November 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

I predict that the Napoleon of Pizza is about to meet his Waterloo. The fact that this shindig was held in The Woodlands confirms to me that these two shit stains were seeking nothing more than handjobs from the more radical side of the Republican Party.

Debate the President and lets see how this works out for the Napoleon of Pizza.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:14 am

Now that would be funny as fuck.

Chillwaver November 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

Hate to sound like the typical libtard, but I'm gonna have to agree with Rachael on this one.

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

She's say art project, I'm still going with The Producers.

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm

It's springtime for Herman and Iowa!

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Biel_ze_Bubba won this one a week ago:
Springtime for Herman and GOP
Winter, for libruls and gays!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the darker race!
Springtime for Herman and GOP
The middle class takes it up the ass, ev'ry time
Springtime for Herman and GOP
Watch out, Dems, it's nein nein nein!

bureaucrap November 7, 2011 at 11:08 am

Just another reason to go with Rachel Maddow's theory (which she espoused last Friday) that Herman Cain is running as a satirical joke. He's trying to determine HOW obviously moronic/ uninformed/ harassing/ simplistic he can be before the republican electorate calls him on it. And of course, every time he makes a new display of bad judgment or blithering stupidity, his numbers go UP! I'm now certain Rachel's "practical joke" theory is correct.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

I believe most of them are in it to up their speaking fees down the road.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

I wish him good luck with that — he's gonna have to invade Finland if he wants to outdo that last dumbass motherfucker.

emmelemm November 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Noooooooooo Leave Finland alone!

Redhead November 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Cain/Colbert 2012!!!

Mumbly_Occupado November 7, 2011 at 12:13 pm

And yet, Cain's on the record as saying that he will not put Borat Sagdiyev in his cabinet, if elected.

tcaalaw November 7, 2011 at 2:32 pm

I used to think that Michael Steele was some sort of gonzo performance artist too, but that one didn't pan out, so I'm not sure about your Cain = Andy Kaufman theory.

archikvetch November 7, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I don't see any of these poseurs dumping gold dust into the Seine anytime soon…Destroy assets or GTFO!

donner_froh November 7, 2011 at 11:08 am

Newt said he didn't have a clue on dealing with Medicare. Cain woke up and said "Yeah, that works for me."

SorosBot November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

Huh, I didn't realize that giving away free health insurance to old people was "forcing" them to do anything.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Oh, it's an insidious form of totalitarianism — in much the same way that not allowing companies to sell lead paint-covered toys, insanely polluting vehicles and listeria-infected food to consumers is "restricting your freedom of choice." And the GOP is on the front lines of this fight for your rights.

stopthemovie November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

If we could harness the power of Lincoln and Douglas spinning in there graves it would solve the energy problem.

weejee November 7, 2011 at 11:14 am

beat me my two hairs.

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:40 am

Que?

I think you mean "beat me, my two hares."

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:39 am

LOL!

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

That's just another gotcha question from the liberal — uhhh — Texas Patriots PAC. Those damn gotcha liberals are everywhere.

Pop_Socket November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

All he knows is that it costs 1.45% of his labor costs that he could be cheating his pizza parlor employees out of.

freakishlywrong November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

Conservatard event horizon. Flat tax, privatize "entitlements", fuck the poor, repeat in an endless loop for infinity.

SexySmurf November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

Whenever Newt and Herman are in the same room together, the Sheriff's Department should be required to go door-to-door alerting neighbors and putting up flyers near schools and playgrounds.

weejee November 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

♪♫ Roll over Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the newz
Cain's got the rockin' pneumonia,
He's gonna pay some political dues♫♪

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

So, these are the entitlement programs that we have paid for right?

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 11:17 am

Just cause you paid for them doesn't mean you're entitled to them…only Kochsukers like Herman Cain are entitled.

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 11:49 am

Well, just as long we don't let those people use the programs.

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Cataracts Cadillacs for everyone!

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Socialist! Get a job! Quit being such a parasite on the hardworking taxpayer! Why do you hate America, et cetera.

chascates November 7, 2011 at 11:14 am

Here's an idea: how about taking a look at the 'fraud and abuse' in the defense expenditures first before eliminating the only affordable medical care the elderly poor have available to them?

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

How 'bout we roll back military expenditures by a third….we don't need to have the military we have now.

HuddledMass November 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

Oh I think we could get a few bucks out of Medicare fraud IF WE KNEW WHERE TO LOOK. Like, in Republican governors' offices for a start– specifically Rick Scott:
http://news.injuryboard.com/medicare-frauds-rick-

NellCote71 November 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

And Rick Perry. Fact: Two counties in the United States account for more than half the Medicare fraud: Miami-Dade and Hidalgo.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 1:42 pm

If the people who charge the Pentagon $800 for a toilet seat were Democrats, the GOPtards would rootin' out the fraud like crazy. But guess what?

Joshua Norton November 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

The Medicare bill must have been more than 3 pages.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

Cain could have said I don't understand the question but nooooooooooooo.
I suspect Newt didn't understand the question either but that wouldn't stop him from acting like he knows the answer and spouting mounds of gibberish.

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

Cain: "Of course I care about Medics…who wouldn't?"

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:20 am

"Are they hot? How tall are they?"

hagajim November 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

About the same height as my wife. Come up to about here – perfect for a blowy!

proudgrampa November 7, 2011 at 11:19 am

What is it that attracts people to these scumbags? That's what I can't figure out.

Why would anyone waste even a half hour listening to or attending an event like this??? I mean, you have to really have nothing better to do…

I could:

…Wash my car in the rain, change my new guitar strings;
Mow the yard just the same, as I did yesterday.
I don't need to waste my time, listening to you;
…I've got better things to…

do. Check the air in my tires, straighten my stereo wires,
Count the stars in the sky or just get on with my life
I don't need to waste my time, I got better things to do…

mrblifil November 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

They are titillated by the very thought of Obama being unseated, and their sexual arousal is not precluded by thoughts of the comparative likelihood of such an event actually occurring. They also like to spend time with their cute lawn-jockey because they become bathed in self-righteous feelings of tolerance and post-racialness.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 7, 2011 at 11:19 am

Serial scumball Newt Gingrich and banal grifter idiot Herman Cain held some kind of “modified Lincoln Douglas style debate” Saturday night…

Nice, Kirsten.

The Washington Post called Newt Gingrich a "philosopher-politician" and Herman Cain a "businessman-preacher."

I went with "the Ebony and Ivory of Sleaze."
~

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 11:20 am

“And getting people in Washington to think is a very big challenge.”

Well Newt… you did get that right.

Redhead November 7, 2011 at 12:06 pm

"And getting people in Washington to think with the head that holds their brain and not the head of their dick is a very big challenge."

Fixed.

GuanoFaucet November 7, 2011 at 11:21 am

Every time Cain opens his mouth, all I hear is "My Mama always said life was like a box of pizzas."

DaRooster November 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

"Stupid is as I do…"

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Imagine!

MrFizzy November 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

OK Herm, time to head back to Uzbekibekibekihead.

Chichikovovich November 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

I think they mean "Lincoln – Douglas" not referring to the debate, but rather what it looks like when a Lincoln Town car smashes into a Douglas fir.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

My goodness, you and Mumbly_Occupado must be brothers from another mother!

Mahousu November 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

This was a modified Lincoln-Douglas debate in the same sense that Yahoo Serious was a modified Einstein.

__kth__ November 7, 2011 at 11:29 am

Fox News thought that the Lincoln-Douglas debates somehow involved Frederick Douglass, if that clears anything up.

Dudleydidwrong November 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

"We report–you decide" that Faux Snooze is run by imbeciles. I guess that's not news…

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Priceless

finallyhappy November 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Everyone knows it was Kirk Douglas- right, amirite?

Allmighty_Manos November 7, 2011 at 11:29 am

Serial scumball Newt Gingrich and banal grifter idiot Herman Cain held some kind of “modified Lincoln Douglas style debate”

Gingrich thought it was great idea, b/c he learned from Fox News that Douglas was black too.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 11:51 am

And because Fox News didn't think that whole "states rights" issue was completely settled in 1865.

IncenseDebate November 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Cain had an extra helping of [magic] mushrooms on his pizza.

widestanceshakedown November 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

At some point in the debate, Newt laughed this sick chirping sound and I had to rush to cover the dog's ears to prevent his having a seizure (not prone to having them, but why take a chance?).

As for the radio, it's been thrown into a volcano–it's the only way to be sure.

Tundra Grifter November 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Mr. Cain would be much better off limiting himself to questions such as "Would you like pepperoni with that?" That's one problem with people who particpate in Faux News infomericals and mistakenly conclude they have experience being interviewed. Sheer InSannity asks leading questions with the answer obvious to almost anyone.

Apparently anything more than "What's your favorite color?" stumps these folks.

Mr. Cain had previously announced he won't answer any more questions about the sexual harassment stuff.

Apparently he's now moved on to not answering questions about anything.

On the other hand, he could well have gone with "Both of them, Katie."

proudgrampa November 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

"And now, for the prize, here is the question: What is your name?"
"Hmmmm…"
"30 seconds, Bob."
"Hmmmm…"
"Begins with a B…."
"duuuhhh…"
"Ends with a b…."
"It's Bob!!!!!!"
"Congratulations,Bob!"

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Mr. Cain had previously announced he won't answer any more questions about the sexual harassment stuff.

Oh rillly? I have a feeling he'll have to backtrack on that one, too.

Tundra Grifter November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

That's red meat to the press corps. They have a dull assignment – each day the candidates say the same thing in a new place.

To be able to tease and otherwise harass a candidate by following up like this is pure entertainment.

Naked_Bunny November 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

Has attention-seeking internet trolling become some sort of LARP? I can't see any other way of explaining the GOP candidates this year.

SayItWithWookies November 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Most vanity presses don't have any cash for book tours, so this is a way for the know-nothing self-aggrandizing hacks to get the people to pay for their publicity.

widestanceshakedown November 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

Has Cain stated he did not have sex with that entitlement program?

Goonemeritus November 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

Newt is scared to attack Medicare and Herman doesn’t understand the difference between defined benefit and defined contribution hence the punt. The latest Republican plan is to raise the eligibility age gradually over time. I would guess they will propose raising it one year every year until it reaches a sustainable age of 120.

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Way better than extending the income cap.

Franknflower November 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

Even Palin could answer that one. "Both of them."

Come here a minute November 7, 2011 at 11:42 am

If your Medicare isn't delivered in thirty minutes or less, it's FREE!

Indiepalin November 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

Herman Cain's fund raising strategy now includes appearing in a series of Miller Lite commercials discussing the pros and cons of "tastes great" vs. "less filling".

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

This was an historic moment, though—first time ever a black person was allowed into the Woodlands Resort and Conference Center while not holding a mop or wearing a bellhop's uniform.

TitsOccupado November 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Candygram for Mongo!

Redhead November 7, 2011 at 11:48 am

It's like a madlibs: Herman Cain not entirely sure what ________ is; presidential candidates typically know what __________ is; Faux News talking heads respond by praising Cain for finding a way to sell crappy pizze and insisting he knows more about politics than ________ by virtue of being a Republican.

Isyaignert November 7, 2011 at 11:49 am

Butt, butt, Herman Cain is 70 fukking years old – he's been on Medicare for five years already.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 11:58 am

"Hmmmm… defined benefits or… Wow! Look at those tits! You take it from here, Newt."

meatlofer November 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Do not keep talking,thinking you will think of something to say….because….YOU FUCKING MAY NOT!

LowProfileinGA November 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"Which is exactly what Abraham Lincoln would have said" in blackface.

mrblifil November 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

God the pasty white questioner is unctuous. Thinks he's real cute coming up with obfuscatory language. When what he means is "kill Gramma now, or let 'er live a while?" I volunteer to be on this fucker's Death Panel.

littlebigdaddy November 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

medi-medi-medi-care

Troglodeity November 7, 2011 at 3:05 pm

You just beat me to it. A.K.A. great minds …

johnnyzhivago November 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

After seven days without power, tv and internet – all I can say is – HERMAN CAIN IS STILL RUNNING????????????????????????

BarackMyWorld November 7, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Cain fully endorsed Ryan’s plan, saying that if workers are given ownership of their money and responsibility for their costs, they will spend it more wisely than the government would.

Okay….whatthefuck?

I thought the Ryan "plan" was to give older people vouchers to buy private insurance with. (Which sounds oddly just like "Obamacare" but that's a different issue…)

Troglodeity November 7, 2011 at 12:15 pm

"Medi-Medi-Medi-Medi-Care-Care!"

DahBoner November 7, 2011 at 12:17 pm

This reminds me of the time where I married this guy, who I ended up divorcing after 15 minutes, after I found out he was gay.

I thought we had a Bromance going on…

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Should've used 'ask the audience'.

Generation[redacted] November 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Did he have any life lines left?

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Hermie. Are you smarter than a 3rd grader?

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Who wants to bet that if one or more of Cain's accusers turns out to be a white woman, his support plummets?

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Conventional wisdom says that would peel off a good chunk of support, but we are in bizarro world now. He prolly thinks he could dry hump Faith Hill during the Sunday Night Football theme song and see his contributions go up. I'd encourage him to try that, actually!

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I would pay good money to see that.

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:50 am

You make it Paula Deen, and I'd watch.

OccupytheDashboard November 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Especially with Clapping Old Seal Man

"His ideas are great…he tells it like it is…I'm gonna clap like crazy for this guy"

He slept with a white woman.

"Why that no good n**ger!"

HistoriCat November 7, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I don't know – these guys are completely down the rabbit hole now. "He slept with a white woman? Hell – I want to sleep with a white woman too. Or any woman."

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 7, 2011 at 3:08 pm

What if the white woman is a shameless hussy, though?

Huh, huh? Did you think about that?

MzNicky November 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Some of us are giddily hopeful that there are white wimmins involved. There would be no finer point with which to prick, and then watch shrivel away to nothing, the gasbaggery of the bloviating hypocritical racist faux-Cain supporters down here in deepest Redneckistan.

Diabeetis November 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm

One of them IS a white woman. I'm watching the press conference right now.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Ruh-roh! Cain drops to -3%.

PhilippePetain November 7, 2011 at 12:29 pm

This is what I love about the whole "has executive experience" thing. Dude was a CEO. Does that mean he knows one damn thing about any of his employee's health plans? has he ever had to worry about his own insurance? Of course not. Which is why it's so amazingly galling that someone like this thinks he deserves to lead anything.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

The dude ran a bunch of pizza shops — what could he possibly know about employee health plans? His plan is the equivalent of having all of America making pizzas for minimum wage, so corporations can sell them to China.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2011 at 12:33 pm

He absofuckinglutely represents the know-nothing, gleefully, willfully, beligerantly ignorant cocksuckers that the Republicans have intentionally come down to. He IS the lowest common denominator. Fuck you very much Herm.

El Pinche November 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Do some Perl string substituting and you go yourself the GOP 2012 ticket:

" _INSERT_NAME_ DRIVES YOU LIBRALS CRAZY, _INSERT_NAME_ 2012 !!! "

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

It is definitely working here. I mean CRAZY crazy.

ShitFilledExistence November 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

If you posed the same question to the average Republican voter (or sadly the average voter, period), they'd probably react the same way. So he'll gain stupidity points for that one.

Crowe2011 November 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

The hell? It's not even as if you'd need to know much to understand the question. All you'd need to know is that Medicare involves giving healthcare benefits to certain groups of people. Then the question is to you define certain benefits that the state will pay for or do you instead pay the money in the form of support for the premiums of private insurance. If you understand the voucher debate in education you understand this; it's the exact same argument with the exception that elderly voters are single issue voters (or dual issue voters if they're retired zionists) whereas children don't vote. If you're running for the GOP nomination you say something like 'I understand why Mr Ryan's plan was controversial and I wouldn't necessarily support it at this time but I think we should do some investigation as to whether it mightn't be better for everyone to provide medicare by way of support for private insurance; first because it deals with the problem of long term healthcare affordability, secondly because more people in the system will lower the cost of healthcare premiums for everyone (this is doubly not true as you've put a bunch of people with considerably healthcare needs and artificially increased buying power into the system) and finally because it's better for those people because they can choose the care that's best for them rather than having the government force them to accept a particular program deathpanels deathpanels'. It's not that he's uninformed, it's that he's apolitical – it's like he's never read a newspaper. He shouldn't have been running for Senate if that question stumped him, let alone be running for President, let alone being the frontrunner.

Ducksworthy November 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Please, somebody ask him the difference between Medicare and Medicaid. Hermie "How should I know what Medi Medi caid care stan stan is?"

fuflans November 7, 2011 at 12:57 pm

“fatal server error” face

lovely.

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm

The GOP wants to investigate fraud and abuse in the Medicare system so that the offenders can be installed as the Governor of Florida.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Didn't they already do that?

Guppy November 7, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Term limits haven't been repealed (yet), so they'll need a steady succession of such keen businessmen to continue to hold the office.

chicken_thief November 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Was he out of apples and oranges?

el_donaldo November 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Seems fair. I'm not entirely sure what this Herman Cain thing is other than a sign that things have gone horribly wrong somewhere.

CapnFatback November 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm

"You go first, Newt."

That's a switch. Usually Newt comes first.

And then he divorces his cancer-stricken wife.

A_Z_0_9_and_ November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

OMG, all his wives have cancer–Newt is Doc Manhattan!

owhatever November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Cain listened to the question, made a note, then let Newt take the lead. Herman's note, recovered afterward from the trash can, said "Once again, I agree with President Obama and the Democrats."

ttommyunger November 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Oh Shit! You mean I MISSED this event? OMG, I was SOOOOO looking forward to it, NOT!

Antispandex November 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

It's OK Hermie, we're all confused about the Teapublican plan.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 1:51 pm

“And getting people in Washington to think is a very big challenge.”

You should know, Newt — you helped put those non-thinking assholes into Congress.

Nesnora November 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm

In all fairness it's hard to find the right response from the Pokemon lexicon available…

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Apparently, the 4th woman looks like a Gennifer Flowers type, all bosoms and bleach, but she says the Herminator grabbed her vagina and pushed her head toward his crotch. The 69 plan.

Chet Kincaid November 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

The Cain Jobs Plan:

When she asked what he was doing, she said he responded by rhetorically asking her: "You want a job, right?"

Limeylizzie November 7, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Is that really what she said happened? Fabulous, if true. I told you he was a vile lecherous character, I have been sexually harassed more times than I care to remember.

finallyhappy November 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I must need Medicare now- I was at a senior fair and someone asked if I was signed up for Medicare- I said no- she asked why and I said "I am 58". She didn't look embarrassed.

deanbooth November 7, 2011 at 3:38 pm

You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's… and you feel it and… it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Apologies for the sincerity below.

This is why I will never understand the conservative love of "non-insiders" as political candidates. It's not like non-politicians have fewer sex scandals, and wouldn't you WANT your elected officials to have a basic grasp of how the government operates?

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:54 am

If you had a basic grasp of government, you'd understand it's usefulness, and to understand such a thing I'm pretty sure is a Christian sin of some sort.

anniegetyerfun November 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Godfather's pizza used to have this godawful "Taco Pizza" that we used to order, with sausage and chips and lettuce on top, along with salsa. Everything about that sentence now seems filthy and wrong, in addition to gross, thanks to Herman Cain.

HelmutNewton November 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I love how the stupid teabaggers just laugh after Cain passes the buck.

"Haha! It's fun to not know a damn thing about policy! We just love low-grade morons who make things up as they go along!"

Negropolis November 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

“If you’re dealing with something as big as Medicare, you can’t force people, because they will oppose you,” Gingrich said

Yeah, the olds have been fighting Medicare forever, huh? They've been fighting it so hard that it's become one of the most popular and successful government programs of all time.

These idiots will say anything. These two are brothers from other mother fuckers, I'll tell you what.

V572625694 November 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

How tall is she, anyway?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Those always turn out well.

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