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Watch Herman Cain Call Himself ‘Koch Bros. Brother From Another Mother’

God, what is the joke here even? It is getting harder and harder to type up Herman Cain lines, because here’s the thing: he is the joke. It’s just him. He looks so pleased with himself, so smug here: he made a rhyme! He’ll say it a few times in case your hearing aid is going in and out! He sucks Koch! “AND PROUD OF IT,” he says.

[Think Progress]

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213 comments

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Ah, but not ALL of them are from 1999. The dirty little bastid put the moves on two nice Christian ladies who work for talk radio host Steve Deace, sometime last year. How did the press come to find out about Deace's employees? MARK BLOCK, Cain's campaign manager, video producer, convicted felon, and sole employee apparently tipped them off.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      I mean, honestly, is he implying that the Koch's Daddy was slipping Mrs. Cain The Elder the old salami occasionally? Or hinting that his Pops was putting it to Mrs. Koch when not busy chauffeuring some rich white guy around?

      Either way, he's calling shenanigans on some bunch of bastids or other.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          You get a lot of eye-rolls from the kid, I bet.

          My kids give as good as they get. They're a lot of fun to hang out with. My two favorite unsolicited parenting tips to give out are

          1) teach your kids to sing as early as possible (it's nearly impossible to cry when you're singing)
          2) get them into wordplay as soon as they can talk (kids love terrible puns)

          And of course, it's more fun to be the silly parent than the serious one.

        1. RadioOcupados

          Guy goes to a doctor with a koch problem. Doc looks at it and jumps back, "OMG where have you been sticking that thing?"
          Guy says, "in beans."
          "In beans? What kind of beans?"
          "Uh, human beans."

        2. flamingpdog

          I wish I could get beer to come out of my nose. I have to get it out of a bottle or a keg. Can I borrow some of your genes?

  1. Redhead

    Just in case you forgot that he was black… but somehow better than that OTHER black guy running for preznit, who isn't a REAL black anyway (amirite, Coulter?)

      1. OccupytheDashboard

        "Darker the berry, sweeter the juice? "

        Well, given his response to criticism of his sexual indiscretion, I'd say that this juice produces a lot of whine.

    1. flamingpdog

      Waitaminute, if he's the brother with another mother, it means he haz a white daddy, and he's only half-near, just like Preznit Barry! Suck on that, Mann Coulter.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Dood, why you so quick to discount the other possibility? You don't think the Koch Bros. could be HALF BLACK? You don't think Mr. Cain's Daddy coulda been slipping Mrs. Koch the salami? It's not like HER husband hung around keeping her happy, yaknow.

  2. x111e7thst

    So when he told those ungrateful female people to be suck his Koch he was making a political statement that was 100% protected by the First Amendment.

  3. widestanceshakedown

    His mother must be so proud. Her son is running for president of the US and just called her a koch whore.

  4. Pragmatist2

    And i am sure they feel the same way about you, Herm. That is, the same way they think about their other servants.

    1. SorosBot

      Well it's sort of like how in the pre-Civil War South a lot of the rich white folk had half-brothers with different, black mothers…

    1. DustBowlBlues

      These old white folks are feelin' so down with the hipsters now that they've got a negro, just like the Democrats, except a better one. And since Cain is a Republic (when they call it the DemocratIC party, they'll get their an back), they know their Uncle Tom will be much more cooperative with the people-corporations than the smart negro currently in the WH.

      1. Neoyorquino

        I'd laugh more, but it hurts 'cause it hits too close to home. On a Facebook thread that started with something I posted regarding Occupy Oakland, "mother neoyorquino" ended a comment that was apropos of absolutely nothing in the comment thread with "Would love to see Herman Cain get the nomination…..not sure that would happen but sure would like to see it….So there I am not anti BLACK just anti Obama." (sigh/facepalm)

      2. Herring_Burnit

        And they OWN him, and they know it. "Our blacks," remember? They LOVE that the nation is slipping back into the language of the slavery mentality so easily. Makes them feel less scared of those scary brown peeps.

  5. Tundra Grifter

    Yesterday, Sheer InSannity gives Mr. Cain a one-hour infomercial for a patented Hannity Republican Rehab session. Softball leading questions, no questions about Mr. Cain's self-proclaimed business success, etc., etc.

    Today, InSannity's show is wall-to-wall Herman Cain for President commercials.

    We already know InSannity's radio show has a promo deal with The Heritage Foundation to promote it in a advertorial context. Did the show trade out yesterday's "interview" for today's bombardment of paid commercials?

    This is starting to make "Dick" Morris look ethical.

    1. emmelemm

      The most imporant question here is: WHY are you watching this "Hannity" show? Do you WANT to give yourself a stroke?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        e: That's a fair question. It's the radio show, actually. And I feel like the two Jewish guys before WWII. One asks "Why do you read the Nazi newspaper?"

        The other gentleman says "When I read the Jewish newspaper, the situation is hopeless. When I read the Nazi newspaper, we're running the world."

        When I listen to the right wing gasbags, liberals are in charge of everything and responsible for everything.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      This is starting to make "Dick" Morris look ethical.

      Don't believe it. Can't be done.

      The only good thing about Dick Morris is that it has long been proven that whatever he says, the opposite is true. I dread the day that he comes on FOX and announces that Obama will win the election.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, this should go over well with the completely independent, grassroots only-loosely-affiliated teaparty organizations that make up his base and who adamantly deny that they're led around by the nose with Koch money. Hell, even the Koch brothers don't run around yelling about how they're the Koch brothers — and now look, their loudmouth half-brother is going to ruin everything they've worked so hard to put together.

    1. DetectiveGrey

      Hearing him say this shit is like finding another dead white girl in front of O.J. Simpson's house. How the hell do you defend it?

  7. Callyson

    "I'm their brother from another mother"
    So, different mother but same father? Now I see where the Kochs inherited their tendency to indulge their promiscuous ways…only difference being they prefer cash to chicks…

  8. McRibzgood

    Herman. If you wern't in politics the closest the Koch brothers would let you near them would be to clean their bathroom.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        But they would have to warn guests that a negro had touched the toilet paper when he put it on the roll.

  9. DetectiveGrey

    As a computer scientist speaking for the well-mannered but slightly socially awkward members of my field, I am ashamed to have gotten the same degree as this man.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Well, looking at his CV he went to do graduate work at Purdue (pretty impressive, in that trade). Then he took four or five years and graduated with an MA? Anyone with exposure to Academia knows what that timetable means – try as he might, he just couldn't put together a project that anyone thought would be PhD worthy in four or five years. So they booted him and gave him a terminal MA as a consolation prize. That's my reading of the data, anyway. I've no facts to back it up….

      So you can console yourself with the observation that – though he did get a degree in computer science – he wasn't all that good.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        So you don't have any facts to back this up, Meh, In the new upside down, inside out and spun in circles until it pukes Republithug-created reality, if you're proven wrong, just say "that wasn't meant to be a factual statement."

      2. Negropolis

        For whatever his other faults, the guy has a BS in mathmatics and a Masters in computer science. That he even wanted to attempt to apply himself in such a field shows he's no intellectual slouch when it comes to numbers, and as a guy absolutely horrible in math, I find his credentials impressive enough, in fact, more impressive than the law degrees that litter the field of national politics.

        1. Chichikovovich

          I understand what you're driving at, Negropolis, and you're right. He did get real degrees in genuinely challenging subjects with unyielding standards. For all my snobbery above about the terminal MA, Purdue is a top-tier school in the areas he did graduate work in. Part of the difference in our attitudes I expect comes from background. I did a BSc in mathematics, and actually completed the PhD, in (roughly speaking) theoretical computer science. So that stuff doesn't impress me unless it's done incredibly well. To mention just two of the things that probably over-impress me: People who can paint, or compose music, even just competently, on the other hand, leave me speechless with wonder.

          Having spent a lot of time around PhD programs in mathematics and CSC, I have met some astonishingly smart and literate people there. But I can also tell you that it is possible to complete an excellent PhD in mathematics while being spectacularly thick in every other intellectual and social dimension of intelligence. (If you catch my wife at the right time, she'll tell you I'm proof of that.)

          1. Negropolis

            I did a BSc in mathematics, and actually completed the PhD, in (roughly speaking) theoretical computer science. So that stuff doesn't impress me unless it's done incredibly well. To mention just two of the things that probably over-impress me: People who can paint, or compose music, even just competently, on the other hand, leave me speechless with wonder.

            Thanks for expounding on that. I totally agree. Everything depends on from which direction you're approaching it. My only point is he's probably more educated and technical than most of the other people he's running against.

          1. Herring_Burnit

            Oh, yay, another fucking gay! (Hugs starfanglednut most gaily)

            Yeah, this fall back business fucks up my internal clock, not that my neverending case of insomnia needed any fucking help.

  10. McRibzgood

    Why don't you just come out and say "I'll suck you dick for a donation", like that crack head in Menace II Society?

  11. Occupy V572

    "The media made it sound like we go fishin together, and huntin together, and chasin pussy — oops, not that one! Haw! Haw! I was jes kiddin!'

  12. chicken_thief

    Maybe he/we are confusing "Koch" with "Coke". I ain't watching that vid, but wasn't Cain's pa the driver for some Coca-Cola executive? If so,…. let's see…. how would that work?… daddy Cain gave the exec's wife an infusion of diversity spawning little Herm?

  13. Lucidamente1

    Well, at least he didn't use Earl Butz's old line: "I'll tell you what the coloreds want. It's three things: first, a tight pussy; second, loose shoes; and third, a warm place to shit."

    1. flamingpdog

      They'd be shaking the rafters if he went Gallagher on them and started smashing watermelons with a sledge hammer.

    2. Negropolis

      Needz moar Eddie Murphy Delirious.

      From the opening paragraph on Wiki to describe the show:

      The word "fuck" is used a total of 230 times, and "shit" is used 171 times.

  14. widestanceshakedown

    I'm not buying this "other" mother story. Bitch the same damn woman what dropped the lot of these bastards.

  15. Occupy V572

    OT, but the Super-Duper Committee is planning to renege on the mandatory defense budget cuts when they fail to make a deal, cuz that would hurt defense contractors, and we can't have that! NYT:

    “If the joint select committee does not do what it needs to do,” said Representative K. Michael Conaway, Republican of Texas and a member of the House Armed Services Committee, “most of us will move heaven and earth to find an alternative that prevents a sequester from happening.”

    After listening to dire predictions by the Joint Chiefs of Staff about the effects of automatic cuts, Representative John Garamendi, Democrat of California, was even more blunt. “The sequester will never take place,” Mr. Garamendi said. “It’s not going to happen.”

    Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona, the No. 2 Republican in the Senate and a member of the deficit-reduction committee, has repeatedly said he has no intention of letting such cuts occur. Some House members said they were being urged by defense contractors and other military interests in their districts to avert such reductions.

    Dintya just know they were a bunch of reneggers?

      1. Callyson

        Now, now, there is *some* hope of getting rid of the slugs in Congress–the worst of them anyway. If Congressional approval ratings get any lower they'll have to start drilling to find the people who actually like this Congress.

    1. weejee

      Mmmm. Our beloved Patty Murry is the co-chair and what does Warshington have to do with defense? Eh, Boeing, Microsoft, Bremerton Shipyard, Underwater Warfare Center in Keyport, Bangor Trident sub base, Naval Air Station Whidbey Island, Indian Island Navy ammo dump, McCord Air Force Base, Fairchild Air Force Base, Fort Lewis, Yakima Training Center, and a tone of Coast Guard facilities. Oh, and weejee & the Associated, Associates. Would any of that impact her decision? Well, maybe. Just a little perhaps.

      1. emmelemm

        I know, I know. I get it. I do.

        I know that if Patty Murray doesn't bring home that bacon, she'll be out on the curb. But I guess I just had a little hope that she'd bring some reason in the form of "We can't make ALL the cuts on the backs of the poor. We have to spread the cuts to every corner."

        But I'm surely wrong; I usually am.

        1. weejee

          I hope she is Patty the Mohel, and gets serious with cuts for all. How about starting with circumcising oil depletion & the agrabiz scams?

      2. Occupy V572

        Whereas statesmen and women from VA and TX would undoubtedly vote their consciences even if it meant job losses at home. Death Merchant/Defense Contractor V572 & Associates is headquartered in Collifornya, which tooks its Peace Dividend licks under Clinton. But we’re sucking wind this FY already.

      3. Occupy V572

        Ever been to the Inn at Langley on the aforementioned Whidbey Island? Very cool neo-Zen-Japanese place purportedly designed by an archy-tetchure prof from U o W. I try to sneak up there whenever I have something at Lewis.

          1. Occupy V572

            Sweet! Corner suite w/spa looking out over both the Channel and the fireplace in the living room, I trust?

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      One could only hope that the Dems would hold this on the Republicans and force them to accept some sort of tax increase on the wealthy in order to keep their precious, bloated military. But, of course, it will be the poor who take it up the ass, and don't even get to charge congress like the whores do David Vitter.

    3. chicken_thief

      If I understand the situation correctly, the Republicans won't budge on a tax increase, however small; hopefully the Dems won't cave on axing entitlements; and now they are preparing us for the fact that the triggers aren't triggers.

      So nothing will get done. Can someone tell me why these assholes continue to draw a salary?

    4. Herring_Burnit

      I wish Americans would pronounce that fucking word properly, it's French, re-nayzh, not re-nig, as so many Americans (especially white Americans) seem to think.

      Not aimed at you personally, V. I'm just having a crabby day anaconda lots of other stuff.

  16. Beowoof

    The people cheering his comments on being an associate with people who are happily assfucking them is the most striking part of the video. The enthusiastic applause from the old guy is saying do me again and again and again.

    1. Beowoof

      Marc Thomas on XM referred to him as minstrel to keep the focus off of Romney until they get closer to the primaries. The nearest primary is only two months away so time to turn off the show.

  17. north_of_moscow

    Does the jive interpreter stand next to the sign language lady, or do they pipe her in over headphones like at the U.N.?

    1. BarackMyWorld

      When did having a black president give everyone permission to be prejudice against EVERYBODY again?

  18. fletc3her

    So Herman Cain is claiming to be the bastard sone of Fred Koch?! Surely the Koch brothers will realize that their father's love child deserves his fair share.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      I knew someone else said it.

      Someone should ask the Koch Boyz: So, did Herman's Dad slip it to your Mom, or was your Dad keeping Mrs. Herman Senior company while her old man was off chauffeuring?

      I'm guessing the Boyz' heads will explode like month-old boils.

  19. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    In all seriousness, it is time to pass the following Amendment to the Constitution which I will write on the fly right now:

    Only Citizens of the United States may spend money in any way related to politics. The Maximum any one citizen may spen on any and all forms of polticial speach is $2,000.00 total per year. Said money can only be spent on poltical campaigns in which the citizen can vote.

    1. flamingpdog

      That would have cut my political contributions in the 2010 election to zero, 'cause there wasn't a single politician in the square state I could stomach giving a single Amerco to, except for Jared Polis, and he's (1) rich, and (2) in a safe Democratic district, so what would have been the point?

    2. Negropolis

      I'd remove the word speech, altogether. I don't want to be playing around with their vocabulary.

      In all honesty, though, if there is anything to come out of OWS, I hope it is this. This would be a huge first step in the American reformation. We must strike while there is still an appetite to do this, and that has to be now seeing as how incredibly hard it is to amend our Constitution.

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      There is in fact a proposed amendment in the Congressional mill, introduced in both the House and Senate (by Democrats, needless to say.)

      Has about 80% public support, which may or may not matter to the GOPtards. Fingers crossed here; I think it would be cool if the Constitution were amended in my lifetime.

      The hard part will be battling the crooked lawmakers who'll be doing their best to riddle the amendment with loopholes. (You can be sure they'll want it to start out "No individual or non-oil-industry corporattion shall contribute…")

  20. MaxNeanderthal

    Wonder if Hermie gets tired of old white KKK teabaggers demanding he carries their bags at conferences? Or has he never heard of "Oblig n*g"?

  21. Neoyorquino

    Brother from another mother? Hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband, cuz the Koch Family rapin errbody out here.

    1. flamingpdog

      Time to call the waahmbulance!

      And what issues, exactly, were being discussed in that ad?

      Other than the pressing national issue of self-pity.

  22. Negropolis

    Needz moar blackface-knee-slapping-watermelon-ladden minstrel shows. Dance, moneky; dance. Zippity doo dah and all that shit.

    Have you no dignity? Have you no shame? I guess this is where white conservatives reaffirm their belief that "slavery wasn't all that bad", right? Keep giving them more reasons, Uncle Herm. Best. Slave. Auction. Evah.

    Cain, just STFU.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      It just makes me want to writhe my skin inside out. God forbid anyone should look at me and think that I share ANYTHING with this man who is willing to crawl and humiliate himself so to people who would not even let him use their fucking SIDEwalk if the law didn't force them to do so. What a disgrace he is to us all!

  23. STUKA88

    He's toast.why would he sexually harass a black sow named " Shekita " anyway? Negros are geneticly pre-disposed to spread murder rape and mayhem wherever they bed down on the planet.

      1. Gainsbourg69

        They're even accepting Italians and whitish hispanics in their little club now, so not so good.

        1. Negropolis

          Hell, the Michigan Militia has had such a hard time recruiting, up here, that I think their leader is now a whitish Arab.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      You sad, miserable piece of SHIT. Take your ugly ass out of here NOW because you're way out of your league, you ambulatory fecalwad. WAY out. Go back home and see if your wife will stop laughing at your pathetic little nub long enough to let you rub it up against her and pretend it's "sex." The lack of which is clearly manifesting in your hate-filled screed. Pusbag.

  24. ttommyunger

    Puleeeze let him get the Nomination or even a big third party effort. It would drive the racists nuts (either way, the Sheriff would be near) and assure Barry a second term.

    1. Herring_Burnit

      That would be my dream scenario, ttommy! Thank you for voicing it. If enough of us wish it, it will come true, right? Right?

      I'm gonna hold on to that thought for warmth tonight.

  25. Lucidamente1

    Rachel Maddow noted that "brother from another mother" is a line spoken by Chris Tucker in one the Rush Hour movies–she concludes his whole campaign is one giant bit of performance art. If only.

  26. OccupytheDashboard

    So…if Cain wanted to be whaler and wanted to align himself to Jonah, would he say, "I'm a lubber from a different blubber?

  27. Sharkey

    /snark off
    The first word in this post is entirely inappropriate, unnecessary, and insulting. Any competent editor would have deleted it.

    Kirsten, you were, are, and continue to be a very lame writer for Wonkett.

    Methinks the editors should step in more often with regards to your writing.

    1. OccupytheDashboard

      What's wrong with the word "watch" It's a fine word. Many people like to watch. It's perfectly normal. Hell, I like to watch sometimes. Also.

    1. OccupytheDashboard

      Actually, no. They were just off stage dangling the bag they keep his testicles in and giving him a thumbs-up.

      1. Herring_Burnit

        Considering that he's implying that either his Dad was slipping it to their mother, or that their Dad fucked his Mom, I'm figuring throwing up/plotting his early demise, myself. I mean, most white people don't even want to THINK that they might have so much as a shared remote ancestor with anyone who is even slightly, what's the word, bisque?

  28. OccupytheDashboard

    if Cain drove a semi, and he switched jobs, would he introduce himself as "the fucker from the other trucker"?

  29. Herring_Burnit

    Knowing y'all Wonketeerz, some other vile individual has probably already said it, but I have to anyway: So, is Herm implying that his Dad was slipping the sausage to the Koch boyz' momma? Or was their daddy slipping it to Herm's momma? C'mon, Herb, you're the one who said it. Which one a them old boys was the motherfucker?

  30. carlgt1

    so he's basically Eddie Murphy in "Trading Places" — but loves & embraces the devious old white guys controlling his life instead?

  31. HedonismBot

    Kitties! Puppies!
    BOOOOO!!
    Income disparity! Millions in poverty!
    YAAAYYY!!
    Smoothly-functioning, well-financed government looking out for the interests of average Americans.
    BOOOOOOOO!!
    Robber barons, no jobs/dead-end jobs forever, and dead brown children in loser countries!
    YAAAYYY!!!
    Gotta love GOP debate audiences.

  32. Negropolis

    I'm just waiting for his stupid ass to say of the one of them women he groped that he'd never do that because they're his "sister from another mister." The rat bastard.

  33. north_of_moscow

    After that clip ended, my morbid curiosity wouldn't let me not watch the clip of "Krista Branch sings I Am America."

    Wow. Don't miss the ominous "Blowing up skyscrapers" the DJ drops in after Herman does his MC duties at the end.

  34. Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    In an earlier post I cryptically/lazily wrote something along the lines of LHCBHC: Let Herman Cain Be Herman Cain. Sorry, I thought everyone followed my 'witticisms' like clues in the mystery of life.

  35. Herring_Burnit

    You have to wonder how somebody could be so fucking clueless about the world's MOST POPULOUS FUCKING NATION that also happens to be our largest creditor. And they've only had nuclear capability for SIXTY FUCKING YEARS. Geezus, Republicans are more wilfully ignorant than shit.

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