good job idiot

In Hopes Someone Will Pay Attention, Romney Proposes Killing Medicare

Bend over, old man. Doctor Mitt is here to fuck you over good!Dull little rich boy Mitt Romney can’t get Republicans to love him, because he loves the Wrong Jesus and also was the creator of Obamacare in Taxachusetts. The news media, meanwhile, will only write about where Herman Cain would’ve liked to stick his dong, and the money he paid to silence the ladies about his unseemly desires. So how can Mitt Romney get “back in the spotlight,” where he’s never really been except as the butt of jokes? By scaring the hell out of The Old People and proposing an end to Medicare! Oh don’t worry, 99% of Americans who will require this health care — Mitt’s going to privatize it! That way, some of Mitt’s favorite people (corporations) will still cash in while you die in the garbage behind the Senior Center.

The AP reports from some Tea Party event of old people:

The Republican presidential hopeful and former Massachusetts governor has released a broad plan to transform Medicare, the popular health-insurance program for the elderly.

[...]

On Medicare, Romney’s plan is remarkably similar to the controversial proposal released by Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan earlier in the year. Romney hasn’t finalized many details, but he would offer future Medicare recipients an effective voucher to spend on private insurance or a version of the traditional program.

“The idea instead is to set the Medicare payment to provide each senior with money that they can go out use to go and buy a plan,” a senior Romney adviser said before the speech.

Well this should be wildly popular with the old white people the Republicans depend upon to keep the 1% plutocrats in power. After all, it worked super-well when George W. Bush suggested a similar fuckover of Social Security, remember? Oh right, not even 9/11 could get that bullshit to smell better ….

Also while on the Eastern Seaboard, Romney decided to announce he would attack the very popular Amtrak train service that millions of people rely upon on the Eastern Seaboard. Good work, Mitt! You will make the news tonight, we bet! [AP/WaPo]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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186 comments

  1. YouBetcha

    What's Mittens's deal? Is he sabotaging himself out of the GOP ticket? He's going to beat the black one and the drunk one just by being white and sober. All he needs to do is keep his head down and his mouth shut for the next couple of months.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Sadly, most fundies do not find his membership in the Magic Underwear Cult to be kosher. In fact, they've noted in several polls that being Mormon is all it takes for them to vote for someone else — hell, anyone else, so long as they believe in the right Jesus.

      1. spinozasgod

        maybe, if we are lucky, if the choice is between the mormon and the muslin the tighty righties will stay home…..

        1. UnholyMoses

          Whomever you think would do the best job for the most Americans.

          I know, crazy-as-hell thought, but …

          On the bright side, you have the same chance of getting elected thanks to your beliefs as I do of being named the starting QB for the New England Patriots this weekend: http://atheism.about.com/b/2011/06/17/most-americ

          So if you've sexually harassed someone or sent private part pics via Twitter, no worries.

      2. LetUsBray

        I'm not buying it: Willard may not follow the religion they like, but he is the color they like.

        1. tessiee

          Hmmm…
          [looks at left hand]
          He's not a "real" Christian…
          [looks at right hand]
          He's tall…
          He's white…
          He has assloads of money…

          [ponders]
          I think we're gonna need a bigger snark.

          1. LetUsBray

            Well, if there's one thing they're good at (and there may well be), it's inexplicably hating people's fucking guts.

    2. Redhead

      Well look at Cain's ever-escalating efforts at self-sabotage and implosion… and look how he still seems to be the favorite. Maybe Mittens is trying to copy his (weird version of) success?

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Usually when a female celebutard gets this desperate for attention, they pose nude in Playboy.

    Looks like Mittens is going to have to pose in Playgirl in his Majik Undies or marry a Kardashian… hey, I hear Kim is free.

  3. SmutBoffin

    When Wonkette posts come this rapidly, I imagine one editor grabbing the mike and talking over the other.

    Am I too sensitive?

  4. prommie

    Last night, ah, yesternight, betwixt her lips and mine
    There fell thy shadow, Cynara! thy breath was shed
    Upon my soul between the kisses and the wine;
    And I was desolate and sick of an unseemly passion,
    Yea, I was desolate and bowed my head:
    I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my unseemly fashion.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Uh, wah, phwaats tha'. Oh, oh, the fudge packer's woken up has he? Lessee, wha's he talking about, healthcare is bad, tax is bad, mass rapid public transit is bad, yada, yada, yada. Any new policy ideas he hasn't got off of Ronnie Raygun by way of Dan Quayle? Er, no.
      OK, flip the pillow over to the cool side, see ya in the a.m…..

  5. coolhandnuke

    Had the wonderful opportunity to visit Gov. Romney's Proctology and Caramel Shop at Mall of Mormon in Salt Lake City.

  6. UnholyMoses

    THE LATEX-GLOVED HAND OF THE FREE MARKET WILL FIX EVERYTHING!!!!11!!

    And, yes, that'd be the same free market that causes 1,000,000+ people each year to go bankrupt or die simply because they got sick. And the GOP wants that to happen to old people.

    Guess they're actually okay with death panels, but only if they make a profit …

  7. MissTaken

    Will the Teabaggers accept 'gubmint hands on their medicare' if they are covered in rubber gloves?

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      I missed that one, but I did catch the more recent speech where he disavowed being against any plan that is against being for being against medicare.

  8. RedneckMuslin

    Sounds like he just got a lock on the nomination. Rich get richer. The poor get fucked. That's the way the repug voters like it. In opposite world from the way it should be.

  9. IncenseDebate

    His Amtrak proposal requres passengers traveling with their dogs to strap them to the roof of the train.

    1. Callyson

      Jon2012 girls or GTFO.
      /snark off
      Love this ad…hope Obama 2012 people have similar ads in the works…

  10. DaRooster

    There won't be a need for Medicare anyway… what with no ozone, clean water and no food… who's gonna want to live any longer.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, if you want to make Soylent Green with ingredients that dried out, you are going to have to re-hydrate them somehow.

    1. Occupy V572

      Can it be that being born rich, going to Harvard Law and B-schools, getting elected once as goobernor of Mass, and managing a hedge fund that destroys jobs world wide, doesn't mean you're smarter than other people?

      As Frazier once said, "Every time a Harvard man is wrong, the world makes a little less sense."

      1. SorosBot

        Of course he got in to Harvard on his own merits, I mean it's not like they have a history of accepting idiots because they're the children of rich and powerful politicians/businessmen.

        1. Occupy V572

          You mean affirmative action legacy admissions for rich white dumbfucks? A proud tradition to be sure!

      2. tessiee

        "Can it be that being born rich, going to Harvard Law and B-schools, getting elected once as goobernor of Mass"

        Don't be silly.
        Just because Mittens is a spoiled rich shit whose family bought him a place in Harvard and a governorship, doesn't mean that he's qualified to…

        Uh oh.

        1. Occupy V572

          I wouldn’t mind there being an upper class controlling all the wealth so much if they were good at something besides lacrosse. For instance, maybe they could be good at running banks and brokerage firms.

  11. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Well, as long as the corporations are assured their profits, this must be good for America.

  12. barto

    Mittens must be upset that Hermy's gettin all the tenshun, time to double down on the crazy! Stupid Amtrak just doesn't make any money like every highway in Amurka does.

  13. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Actually, if I can use my voucher to get some of that sweet, government produced medical marijuana, this might be a good deal.

    1. prommie

      The Canadian hydroponic is what you want, counselor. Thats what I hear, you know, guys talk, word gets around.

  14. SexySmurf

    At 12:40 PST, with 0% of precincts reporting, Barack Obama has just been reelected President of the United States.

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    I thought Friday was supposed to be the day when Rebublican candidates pushed for privatizing Social Security. I thought privatizing Medicare was on Tuesdays?

    And I can't remember what day is push Push-For-Taxcuts day.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Transferring the Soc Sec Trust Fund to Goldman
      Even more greatly empowering the corporations in our medical care
      Which one should I take?
      It's Friday. Friday!
      Bringing the 99% even lower
      Everybody's waiting for their life to end

  16. widestanceshakedown

    Nice try, Shit Mitten. If you really want to be taken seriously, you'll need to slaughter an Old at the next debate, as a chart on the screen shows the debt lowered by one millionth of a cent. After that, you can just chill out at home until you move into the White House.

  17. SmutBoffin

    If he wants to bump his poll numbers, Mitt should just get hisself accused of harassin' a Lady.

    Worked for Cain.

      1. Occupy V572

        "Aw c'mon, I was just kidding when I said the limo will pick you up after work and take you to the Willard Hotel, and the desk clerk will give you the key to room 417, and the champagne and strawberries will already be on the cart in the room along with the Victoria's Secret "Wild Weekend" package in a 36D when you get there at 6:15."

        "I know! But I'm still gonna sue your skinny white ass!"

    1. iburl

      What, killing the family pet and flip-flopping on every single major and minor political issue of the last 40 years is not enough scumbaggery for the GOP?

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Wait until someone tells Mittens that Saddam Hussein is trying to acquire nuclear weapons — that's when the fun really starts.

  19. McRibzgood

    HOLY EFFIN' SHIT!!!!! I just realized there were no Sarah Palin posts this week!!!! Could it be that her 15 min are up? (Gleam in Baconz eye).

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Nah. She did a financial analysis on any future political activity and decided her best move was to put her money in safe investments and retire. Diminishing returns, you know. She sold all her batshit crazy stock while the market is still hot.

  20. Wonderthing

    Cool. The oldz will have enough money to pay for those "magnetic" bracelets that are known to cure arthritis and piles.

    1. prommie

      "Piles," thats my favorite archaic ailment name, coming in a close second is "dipsomania." "I got the piles something awful" sounds like something Jackie Gleason would say in The Honeymooners, its the kind of ailment that someone who carries a lunchbox would have.

      1. tessiee

        ""I got the piles something awful" sounds like something Jackie Gleason would say in The Honeymooners, its the kind of ailment that someone who carries a lunchbox would have."

        Now, see, I was hearing it in the voice of a cranky old Jewish man, a la Jackie Mason or Mel Brooks.
        Old guy: Oy, my piles are acting up again!
        Old guy's wife: Izzy, what is it going to be with you, with these fecockteh piles?
        Old guy: What is it going to be? They're going to aggravate me, that's what it's going to be! Also, I've got the lumbago and the sciatica!

  21. Callyson

    Good work, Mitt! You will make the news tonight, we bet!
    Wasn't there an episode of "The West Wing" where they said that Friday is "take out the trash day," i.e. the day to announce bad news, since no one watches Friday night newscasts or reads the Saturday papers? Perfect day for Mittens to make headlines…

    1. proudgrampa

      White House, Friday, 7:00pm

      Jay Carney calls press conference.

      No WH correspondents show up.

      Jay whispers: "(we are launching an attack on Iran). (that's it). (questions? no?) (ok then)"

  22. Dok-cupy Everything

    I'm torn. Should I wait for the clarification of his position on this, or for the corrected clarification of his position? Or just see what crazy bullshit he says in the next debate? (There's always another one coming along… Like they used to say about "city buses" when those still existed…)

  23. SorosBot

    Mittens is trying to get rid of his reputation that's devastating among the Republican primary electorate, that of being sane.

  24. Chichikovovich

    "Well this should be wildly popular with the old white people the Republicans depend upon to keep the 1% plutocrats in power."

    They might be right in the end. I assume this plan explicitly exempts people currently 50 (or 55 or something) and older. Like Ryan's plan and every other such plan conceived by the Republicans since they raked in seats in 2010 by claiming that Obama was going to cut some pittance from Medicare. Sometimes the pandering becomes pathetic – how many times have you seen GOP flacks respond to angry olds by saying "But understand – your medicare won't change at all. Wink, wink." So far it isn't working, but the Republicans are nothing if not persistent. Who knows what 24/7 drum beating will do.

    Really what the Republicans want, but can't yet figure out a way to legally offer, is something like what rational choice theorists call a prisoner's dilemma:
    "Everyone who votes for us, keeps their medicare as it is; everyone who votes against gets the same chintzy vouchers future generations get." But so far their law team has kept saying no, so they have to do their divide-and-conquer some other way.

    1. Occupy V572

      Even us Olds within hailing distance of the Medicare gravy train know that if you take those benefits away from the Youngs, they won't support it any more. That's been the secret of Soshecurity: the checks to Olds who don't need it ensure that Olds who do need it still get checks, and that the Youngs keep paying FICA.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Pretty clever strategy. Get the olds to vote away benefits for the youngs, then get the youngs to vote away benefits for the olds.

  25. owhatever

    Romney also wants to you to know that when you die under his plan, you will be baptized as a Mormon whether you like it or not, and get your own planet, plus that first wife — the one you divorced because you couldn't stand the cheating wench — for eternity. How can anyone match that deal?

    1. Occupy V572

      So in the Mormon hereafter, you get to have only the amount of polygamy you want? That might make the magic underpants more appealing.

    2. tessiee

      "you will be baptized as a Mormon whether you like it or not, and get your own planet"

      He'll have to do better than that: I already have my own planet.

  26. orygoon

    My best friend had a pal in jr. high/HS whose parents actually said, at graduation time, do you want a car, or college money? And Babette took the car and went off to a life of flooziedom. I can't wait (maybe I'll change my affiliation and propose it myself) until someone takes the Ryan voucher plan and says "you can spend the money on the ponies and at "massage parlors", or health care, or strappy slingbacks–it's your money!"

    Really, ain't America great?

    1. Occupy V572

      Ha ha, they're never going to let you have the money directly. It'll be tax credit or a direct payment to Anthem or Aetna. It's for your own good!

    2. prommie

      I went to college, then law school, then grad school for public policy. Looking back, if I could do it all again, and I had that choice, I would have chosen the car and flooziedom. I was a floozie anyway, but a carless, school-going floozie.

  27. BigDumbRedDog

    My retirement plan already consists of dying in the garbage behind the senior center, so this doesn't really affect me.

  28. BklynIlluminati

    Keep fucking wit the olds Mittens. Nothing gets them to the polls faster than messing with medicare

  29. Occupy V572

    Instead of a nationwide single-payer medical care system with the power to negotiate rates with providers, us Olds will get a gift card and be empowered to negotiate with Blue Cross and Aetna on our own.This can't be anything but a terrific success.

    1. chicken_thief

      Yes, because comparing policies at various rates while evaluating your current with projected needs is such a piece of cake! I mean, they don't have to work, so they got all day to figure it out, right?

      1. Occupy V572

        Ha, ha… NO! You’ll get a “tax credit,” or Uncle Sam will send “your” money directly to Anthem or Aetna.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      And if they don't offer me the deal I want, I can exercise my power as a consumer and simply choose not to buy their product!

      I mean it's just like choosing to not buy the latest HDTV. I can wait until prices come down, right?

      1. Occupy V572

        Behold the majesty of the Invisible Hand of the Free Market at work. There’ll be winners and losers, of course, but on the average, many people will not die!

  30. SpiderCrab

    I'm happy that Mitt has proposed putting old people on ice floes, because now I can stop not hating him.

  31. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    I think that technically, Rick Santorum is the butt of more jokes than Mitt Romney ever will be.

    1. chicken_thief

      Poor Mitt, despite running last time and great name recognition, still gets no respect in the "Butt of Jokes" poll.

  32. chascates

    Why is it when rich Republican politicians suggest tax cuts for the rich and eliminating programs for everyone else the 90% of GOP voters who are middle and working class still support them? Do they think their children can get through college working a part-time job or that they'll have better lives than they do? Does it only take the dog whistle of gayz, gunz, and gawd to make them vote against their own interests? Maybe it's the constant diet of Faux News and talk radio that corrodes the thinking process.

    1. Occupy V572

      Yeah but now John of Orange is saying maybe the Super-Duper Committee can raise taxes after all, apparently because he was pissed when some journasaur implied that Grover Norquist was more powerful than the Speaker of the House of Representatives.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Actually, those sixty aren't agreeing with Mitt at all. They are suggesting it's reasonable at this time to make some cuts in Medicare, not privatize it. They support this on the condition of raising taxes at the same time.

      I'm OK with this, in principle, as are many who think Medicare is a great thing, but getting a little out of hand, and will probably continue to do so until we have a single-payer system for everyone, not just olds.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Keeping in mind that politics is the art of the possible, I can't get mad at Dems (and those few reasonable Reps) who are doing what they can to roll back some of those absurd tax cuts we've seen in the past thirty years. Which are the cause of our current unfortunate economic state.

      1. HistoriCat

        Mmm – maybe. But by the time the Rovian attack machine transforms it, the Democrats will be torching Medicare and gnawing on the bones of the olds.

  33. OccupyFnChicken

    Mitt should really just put it in neutral. It won't take long for Republicans to finally admit that their current "best friend that happens to be black" is not a suitable candidate.

  34. DetectiveGrey

    Romney will also be including an amendment to allow a voucher for personal lubricants, just in case the wind changes direction sometime during his presidency.

  35. voodooeconomics

    It is past my capacity to comprehend how , on God's green Earth, an old fart out there would vote Republican. I would vomit if i ever vote for a single Republican in my lifetime. Their ideas nauseate me. They make me ill.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      The Republican platform is the joke sign seen in many small businesses, "We cheat the other guy to save you money." Only it isn't a joke, they are serious and for them we're all the other guy. No matter how charming and gracious they may appear, any Republican candidate's face looks better splattered with a raw egg.

      1. voodooeconomics

        so true..just tonight i was listening to MIP and a caller mentioned the same exact thing.
        A fine example is the electorate in Florida. There you have a bunch of old people in a room , listening to a republican mention privatizing social security. These people have no idea the consequences to their retirement fund when Wall Street takes a dump. They have no idea that Wall Street is a gambling outfit.

  36. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Give old people a few hundred billion federal dollars, and then turn the health care and insurance industries loose on them. What could possibly go wrong?

  37. GorzoTheMighty

    Is Mittens trying to grab defeat out of jaws of victory? I highly approve of this strategy. Get that man another cup of koolaid stat! For myself a, tea glass of Cutty Sark pronto Jeeves.

  38. mavenmaven

    …And then, to create jobs, Romney will build secret factories to take all those dead people from the garbage bags behind the senior center and turn them into food…

  39. JackObin

    If I'm not mistaken, the Book of Mormon suggests eating more Doritos to improve one's health. Little Mitt prefers Nacho Cheese.

  40. datateday

    Mitt Romney also p'oed Hispanics in the course of his efforts. Pissing off everybody makes an ingenious campaign strategy!

  41. DemonicRage

    This is a delicious photo…the maniacal gleam in his eye as he gets ready to…do what…touch the fudge with a gloved hand….it's so wacky. But…it's an old photo. There must be something in the more recent months of campaigning that can become Mitt's new image. I don't know. When a photo is this good, does it become a man's eternal icon here?

  42. Walkinwiddaking

    " while you die in the garbage behind the Senior Center." I'm thinking a .40 cal in the brain pan."

        1. WootInTarnation

          I'm partial to a combination of the two scenarios: good drugs, a beautiful seat on a fallen laurel tree in the state park, a lovely sunset and a well-executed shot from that .40 cal.

          Sure minimizes costs and worry. And it's entirely free of $79 bed pans, the smell of cheap disinfectant and the barbed insults of a bitter, homophobic "caregiver."

  43. Toomush_Infer

    Yes, but I'm home now and I'm drinking: fuck Mitt and the two headed horse he rode in/out on….!

  44. donner_froh

    1. Attacks on Medicare equals class war.

    2. Medicare works–a single payer system with limited and managed participation by private insurance companies.

  45. labman57

    The health insurance lobby lackeys in the Republican Party have taken a "General MacArthur" approach to destroying our nation's Medicare system. They won't make it immediately die — they simply want it to slowly fade away.

    … and with it the ability of future senior citizens to obtain affordable chronic condition treatment and preventative health care.

    Romney — the GOP candidate who flip-flops more frequently than a freshly-caught fish on land — is more than willing to jump on the "privatize Medicare and kill (so-called) ObamaCare" bandwagon if he thinks it will garner a few extra points in the next round of Republican polls.

  46. onemoretime79

    Hope, is a fine thing.

    Except when you're a godless heathen, going against the grain.

    Much as I wanna like him as my opponent ? I can so see Herman or Rick in the starring role of evil villan.

    Besides, weirdo, you do worship the wrong Jesus. \1/
    So there

  47. Herring_Burnit

    Apparently, he didn't, tho, Ken Layne. Got buried by all the bootylicious Herman Cain stories and speculation about Rick Perry's drinking habit and the "Lincoln-Douglas-style 'debate'" attended by Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain.

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