Our most critical free speech rights continue to hang in the balance today: “The highly anticipated jury trial for a woman ticketed for dangling Bulls Balls from the trailer hitch of her truck has been postponed, for a third time,” according to, yes, ABC News. AMERICA WEEPS BITTERLY, because justice is elusive. And yet it rejoices, too, to learn that out of the sands of time and our nation’s enduring adventures in plastic novelty testicles there has arisen this marvelous thing the “Trial of the Truck Nutz” starring Virginia Tice, a 65-year-old South Carolina woman we heard about this summer who decided to fight her $445 public obscenity ticket by taking it to court.
Tice argues that her First Amendment rights allow her to hang decorative balls wherever she likes, whereas other town officials argue this is just a massive waste of time. WE ARE WITH TICE.
Chief Fuda said he does not see the humor in this eight inch life-like simulate of the male anatomy.
Bischoff said the case is a waste of town resources and time.
“It would seem very resonable to say they have spent more money than it is worth at this point,” he said.
He said he only continues his role because he believes his client has not done anything illegal and should not have to pay $445 of hard-earned money.
You’re welcome. Happy Friday. [ABC News; thanks to Wonkette Operative "Scott L."]
{ 190 comments }
Every man in SC wishes he had as big a pair as Tice has.
i thought South Carolina was the man boob capitol of the world?
Mississippi would contest that proposition, if they could spell "proposition."
NJ (#9 Least Obese) might have had a shot at Least Obese if not for the fat fuck Governor.
On behalf of womankind, let me remind you boys that we really don't care how big they are. In fact, the smaller they are, the bigger everything in their vicinity appears in relation to them.
Leave the large, dangling sacks for truckz.
"Hello, doc? Looks like I need to cancel my appointment for ball enlargement surgery. Turns out the li'l lady isn't going like my double-Ds after all"
Two (overly large) berries, one (proportionally small) twig is not this ghey's dream, either.
Hitler
Has only got one ball
Goerring
Has two, but very small
Himmler
Has something sim'lar
And poor old Goebbels
Has no balls
at all
(To the tune of "The Col. Bogey March")
I would donate a large sum of money to her favorite charity to see Lizzie singing this while wearing a French marquis outfit.
Sorry, should have included the gheys in my "on behalf of".
Don't give it a second thought, YB. Mostly, I just hadn't used the twig/berry analogy for some time, and you provided me the opportunity. And you are so right, who wants balls so big even one is more than a mouthful?
Ah, it's the thought that counts….
BALLS FREE OR DIE
If public bulls' balls were illegal, wouldn't they have to give a ticket to every cowboy in Texas?
Or even this shady character
2049462-the-famous-wall-street-bull-0.jpg (600×449) http://bit.ly/tdw8IA
Give Wall Street a ticket. They can mail in the fine or appear in court to plead no lo contendre, and get a reduced fine if they agree to put boxer shorts on it. It would be the most severe punishment yet.
from the photo, it's clear that people have been rubbing the bull's balls for good luck. Or just to see what happens.
One brass, the part most touched is always tarnish free. Those wall streeters re weird.
I prefer the lion's tail in front of the Chicago Art Institute.
And Marc Chagall’s windows – I’d hate to have the job cleaning them.
So it takes bronze balls to sell stocks and bonds?
Along with puts and calls, of course. But enough about Herman Cain.
"Along with puts and calls, of course. But enough about Herman Cain."
If we're talking about Herman Cain, it should be *putz* and calls.
tessiee:
Yes! Putz and call girls would have kept him out of trouble. Unless, of course, one of the working girls talked and he became Client # 9-9-9.
Not to mention putting BVDs, or at least a jockstrap, on all the bulls.
And shut down every restaurant that serves Rocky Mountain oysters? Or at least make suckers, er, peoplez wear blindfolds while eating them.
Now we know where Lindsey Graham's manhood went.
Right. Like he ever had a pair.
Hint: It's long and black and full of seaman.
A submarine?!
I've learned tons of toddlers are allergic to truck nutz.
'be careful' is all i'm saying.
People are feeding these to toddlers? They should be on trial.
Unless, of course, they have a sincere religious or moral conviction to do so.
The 'Trucknutz trial' will not be televised.
Welp, South Carolina, the balls're in your court.
She should take this case all the way to the Supreme Court, if necessary.
Wish the DNC could grow some of those.
I believe that may have been the subliminal message……….
Today we are all eight inch life-like simulates of the male anatomy.
"Two of us, two of us!"
I thought having a truck that big meant you had a small penis?
Maybe she does.
(But I ain't gonna check.)
Girl boners FTW!
She's a woman, so maybe compensating for small tits?
So mebbe this is what Limeylizzie drives?
In this case, maybe a floppy labia?
I hope this goes to the Supreme Court because I want to hear Scalia explain what the founding fathers thought about Truck Nutz.
that's sure to be quite a mouthful
Especially for the teabaggers.
And Clarence.
At least he would have a nice Coke to wash it down.
You know Scalia, he thinks The Federalist Papers are part of the constitution, and you know Alexander Hamilton was in favor of including the "Freedom of the Codsack" in the Bill of Rights, so, its pretty predictable what Scalia will say.
Also, George Washington was renowned for his wooden carriage bollocks.
Scrote v. Scotus?
It could produce one of the most entertaining Supreme Court opinions since Justice Souter discussed 2 Live Crew lyrics.
Ever since that case established a fair-use exception for parody, I've been hoping that somebody would bring out a perfectly legal edition of Air Pirates Funnies.
I would think the Founding Fathers would have spoken more directly to these.
I saw the URL and was hoping so hard that these were TruckNutz for horse-drawn carriages. I guess there wouldn't be much of a market for them, since the Amish are the only people who use them anymore and something tells me they wouldn't be big fans.
"hoping so hard that these were TruckNutz for horse-drawn carriages"
Wouldn't that be somewhat redundant?
It is a well establish fact that the Founders rebelled against King George because of his edict against "coach conkers" in 1775. This led to the first Tea Party Rebellion, where in patriots plunged their nuts into Boston Harbor.
Swing free or die!
I'll give you my bumper balls when you pry them from my cold, dead hands!
Can I dangle my balls where I would like? I would love to see those assholes on the SCOTUS rule that I can indeed dangle my balls wherever I like….as long as consent is involved of course.
You might have to get a ruling from SCROTUS.
After the trial of a dead pop star's crackpot doctor, this is the most important judicial event in our republic's history.
B-but he killed Jacko!
They can have my balls when they pry them from my cold dead fingers. Maybe. I might just want to hang on to them, even then. I'll get back to you on this.
It still takes brass balls to sell real estate!
If they ban Truck Nutz the only way I'll be able to spot those people is the sticker of Calvin peeing on a Ford/Chevy logo.
Around this dystopian hellscape, Ford/Chevy and Obama as well. Also.
I saw one with Calvin peeing on the words "Osama bin Laden". It was like they were too lazy to render his image. "Eh, fuck it," said the decal artiste. "I'm not sure that I even knows what an A-rab looks like."
So if ABC reported this…was is George Steponnutulus who was reporting?
"eight inch life-like simulate of the male anatomy." I don't want to live in a world where 8 inch balls are considered "life like."
It's like a tea bag to the eyes!
You've got Long Balls, Larry!
LongballsLarry will be the new name of a Wonketteer, I'll bet.
So does Cisco Adler.
I don't think Virginia Tice should be able to cram truck nutz down our throats. All that tea baggin' shit was bad enough.
This trial is totally nuts, it's balls-to-the-wall crazy.
…and…SO on!!
Testiclefy, brother!
They've got the whole package.
The key point to remember is that she is hanging these Trucknutz from her pickup out of a "sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction".
That's gay.
I thought we settled all this with Testicles United v. Federal Erection Commission.
Didn't that end with a hung jury?
Yup, it was 2-2.
Federal Erection Emission.
/fixed
That was enshrined in our national Penal Code.
"Didn't that end with a hung jury?"
Sheriff Bart's friend: They told me you was hung.
Sheriff Bart: And they was right!
But that decision just dealt with the low hanging fruit and not the meat of the matter.
Rod vs Chode, actually
She's 65 and she had these things hanging on her truck? Jesus, I'd hate to imagine what's hanging from her mouth.
I think we can safely rule out teeth. My money's on "Corn Cob Pipe." I'm quaint that way.
“It would seem very resonable to say they have spent more money than it is worth at this point,”
Just what is the financial worth to society of prosecuting TruckNutz? Can we even really put a price tag on this?
As Jimmy Cagney would ask, "What price glory?"
"Just what is the financial worth to society of prosecuting TruckNutz?"
Especially when you consider the value of TruckNutz to society as a warning.
Did I has a ban hammer? http://benniboi.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/20494…
I am planning to start selling Mojo Cojones, same concept just a slightly darker color.
Show us the birf certificat!
You can't yell "TRUCKNUTZ" in a crowded theater.
I saw a pickup truck with a "Rick Perry–Let's Fix America" bumper sticker. THAT was offensive. Truck Nutz not so much.
Really, what is the difference America?
"Rick Perry–Let's
FixFist America"fixed
And by "fix" I assume he meant "cut the nuts off"?
"Rick Perry – A Veterinarian for America's Restlessness"
THIS TRIAL WILL BE LIKE 'INHERIT THE WIND' + 'A FEW GOOD MEN' * 'TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD' TO THE POWER OF 'IDIOCRACY'.
NEEDS MORE "ARISTOCRATS"!!!!
This is the state that sent Jim DeMint and Jeff Duncan to Congress … how fussy can they be about public obscenities?
"free speech rights continue to hang in the balance."
Heh heh heh, she said hang.
Yes, Virginia, there is a ban on balls.
Upfist for scansion.
So, does this "free speech" thing of which you speak only apply to plastic testicles? 'Cuz I have a little message I'd like to deliver to Mitt Romney…
People, I just want to say, you know, can't we just all get it on?
$445? Thats almost 3 months pad rent for the double-wide.
Still cheaper than driving alone in the HOV lane, and mouthing off about it.
Jeebus would drive around in his trucknutz-enhanced Hummer, with a shotgun in the back, and Confederate flag rear window decal.
And then when they came for the truck clits, nobody said anything…
Probably because they couldn't find them.
Psst, dude, the canoe is up on the roof rack.
Maybe I should re-think buying that Prius vagina.
Or you could trade it in for a Ford Clit-Taurus.
anyway, this is fucking stupid. just let her have her fucking trucknutz. and nobody better say anything when i attach a larger-than-life size anatomically correct model of hermaphroditic human genitalia to the hood of my car or the side car that looks like a remote controlled pink dildo.
Tranny Van FTW!
Time for GM to release the "Ace & Gary" coupe
Open up, Eternal Lips, and swaller me…..
Oh Mrs. Tice…truly your balls DO hang low.
Didn't Perry say he'd be swinging those all over Washington?
TruckNutz on every vehicle in the Presidential motorcade.
And thus they join the hallowed ranks of Sweet Chariots and The Fat Tits of a Certain Nosy Cameraman.
Those are new to me.
♪ Hang down your balls, Tom Dooley. ♪
(OK, different Carolina, but those Carolinas all look alike.)
There is an important principle at stake here, freedom of gratuitous vulgarity.
Tice is one Gamecock.
Ruh roh…Drivers of Dodge autos may soon be in trouble:
http://cheezburger.com/View/1757897472
The legal precedent for this was settled long ago:
"Whatever hangs upon two nuts is an enemy."
She's 65 – they're not balls, they're her tits, and she really needs a car bra.
Behold, Scrotvember has begun.
'Tis the Christnutz season.
Sackrilidge, good sir!
You log…
Tee-Hee
"Nutz"
Defense attorney Scott Bischoff's office confirmed the continuance was issued at the court's request — possibly until December…Tice's case was originally scheduled to go to jury in August.
Dragging this out for months, are we? Looks like the DA is going balls – out on this case…
Anticipating a hung jury
This will go down in the pantheon of great SCOTUS decisions,
TruckNutz v. Board of Education,
TruckNutz v. Wade.
TruckNutz v. Gore…
Is TruckNutz v. Gore the reajudication of TruckBush v. Gore?
When this case does go to trial, I'll bet my left nut that it will end up in a hung jury.
When trucknutz are illegal, only criminals will have any balls.
If Ginny had just painted a Confederate flag on the fuckers there wouldn't be an issue.
How do we know they're human balls anyway. They look pretty big:
Is this corporate logo next on the (ahem) chopping block?
http://ceoworld.biz/ceo/wp-content/uploads/2008/1…
:::big motherfucking edit:::
Emasculating an F-150 and emasculating the First Amendment are one in the same!
Seriously, are we required to gird the testicles of dogs while walking them?
OCCUPY TRUCKNUTZ!
I keep telling them that I have a First Amendment right to hang my balls out when I go to the local park, but the cops just won't listen.
It will be a proud and victorious day in this land, when a pair of wingnutz are dangling from all of our trailer hitches.
Remember who else obsessed about having Non Standard Nutz (as a result of WW1 injuries)?
The name escapes me. But I do remember that one of his collaborators had two of them, but they were very small.
And a propagandist who had no balls at all. (Sounds a bit like some talk radio 'personalities').
John McCain. C'mon, ask a tougher one next time.
Madalf Heatlump (Who had only one).
Meatloaf Headlamp (who would do anything for love).
They can have my truck nutz when they repossess them from my cold, dead pickup.
#Occupy trailer hitches!
You want the TruckNutz? You can't handle the TruckNutz!
Did you order a code blue (balls)?!
My nuts, on the other hand ….
A stupid red neck society, being necessary to the humor and revulsion of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Truck Nutz, shall not be infringed.
The Founding Fathers were talking about nutz made of wood and brass, they never envisioned the advanced synthetic materials of today. One modern day truck can carry more nutz than an entire wagon train of their time.
Well no wonder. Wiminz aren't allowed to drive in SC.
"If you want a picture of the future, imagine an oversized pair of plastic novelty testicles teabagging a human face — forever"
George Orwell
Two skin bad! Foreskin good!
I can't even begin to tell you how much you've won for that.
Having a fake scrotum on my car = freedom.
Having a real scrotum on my chin = terrorists have won.
Plastic balls hanging from a truck = pornography. W, the President bumper sticker = free speech. Something not right with this.
Tice is a trailblazer. If she wins, I'm putting a Kortney cucumber on the hood of my car.
Well, no wonder it was put off. 'Public obscenity' is an obvious mistake. It should be 'privates obscenity'.
It's so hard to come up with a good pun, I'm racking my brain here and I got nuttin.
Admitting that could get you sacked.
I don't know whether I'm coming or going!
Really? There's a vas deferens between the two…
I'm tellin' ya, I'm sitting here dipping my teabag in this mug and scratching my head and zilch, nadda, nulla, nuttin…
Really? I've got a whole batch of 'em.
Are most of these decorative objects manufactured in China? Just wondering.
today, it really is a great day in south carolina.
suck on that nikki!
Bah! Humballs!
I look forward to TLC's seven part docudrama starring Lindsay Lohan.
I just want to take a hedge sheer to every Truck Nutz I see…
An excellent story for Nut-vember!
So, let me get this straight, attaching some false balls to your truck is a vulgarity and a crime, but there is absolutely nothing vulgar about flying the confederate flag over the capitol, or having those tacky-assed confederate flag stickers plastered all over your window or bumper?
Good to know.
It's freaking South Carolina; fake nuts are the LEAST offensive thing they drag behind trucks there.
I don't know why I should be, but I'm embarrassed for everybody involved in this unseemly misadventure.
First they came for the TruckNutz, but I didn't speak out, because I didn't have any TruckNutz. Then they came for the remote-controlled dildos….
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you well. Did you say he'd have a nice Koch to wash it down?
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