REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES  10:47 am November 4, 2011

Michigan GOP Approves Bullying Gay Kids As Long As It’s ‘Moral’

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

God's Own Party.Certainly our Lord and Savior has a special place in His heart for the rowdy youngsters who enjoy passing recess yelling vicious slurs at their gay school fellows, so Senate Republicans in the Michigan legislature have likewise carved out a special spot in the state’s new anti-bullying law to exempt kids with a “sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction” from the rules, so they might continue to freely remind the gay kids that American Jesus thinks they are losers.

From the Detroit News:

“Matt’s Safe School Law” passed 26-11 with all Democrats voting against it. The bill is named for Matt Eppling, an East Lansing 14-year-old who committed suicide after being bullied by classmates in 2002.

The law includes a section noting it doesn’t abridge First Amendment free speech rights or prohibit expression of religious or moral viewpoints — a provision Democrats fear could be used to justify harassment of gay, lesbian or transgender students.

“I am ashamed that this could be Michigan’s bill on anti-bullying when in fact it is a ‘bullying is OK in Michigan law,’” Kevin Eppling, Matt’s father, whose letter was read by Sen. Glenn Anderson during Wednesday’s session.

Blah blah, the closet cases at the AFA approve of this useless bill, because God loves a dead gay teenager almost as much as He loves a drone strike on a mud hut full of toddlers in Afghanistan, nuclear war, shitty country music, etc. [Detroit News]

 
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{ 245 comments }

Barb November 4, 2011 at 10:49 am

Can't we just pray the politicians away, instead of the gay?

Omophagist November 4, 2011 at 11:33 am

I don't think you want to do that, since I'm pretty sure "pray away the gay" is code for meth-fueled conservative gay sex orgy.

neiltheblaze November 4, 2011 at 5:05 pm

But, you know, I hear that strategy works. Every time they have one of those orgies they don't have gay sex again for two, sometimes three weeks.

WhatTheHeck November 4, 2011 at 11:36 am

’Fraid not, Barb, Without politicians, there would be no god.
Politicians discovered a long time ago that “god” was good for their business.

JustPixelz November 4, 2011 at 11:46 am

Nope, it doesn't work. And my knees hurt from trying.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 4, 2011 at 12:38 pm

As with many knee-hurting activities, perhaps you're just not trying hard enough?

AlterNewt November 4, 2011 at 10:51 am

America, we hardly knew ye.

ProudLibunatic November 4, 2011 at 11:53 am

Really.
This is one of those "Kill. Me. Now." posts.
When will our long national nightmare be over?
(This leaves me snark-less!)

BaldarTFlagass November 4, 2011 at 10:52 am

…an East Lansing 14-year-old who committed suicide after being bullied by classmates in 2002….

…‘bullying is OK in Michigan law,’…

And it only took them 9 years to get nothing done!

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 11:53 am

"….to get nothing done"

Actually, didn't they just legalize it?! But if they'd have dawdled just a little longer, they could have kneed the dead kid in the nuts with this law posthumously on the 10th Anniversary of his suicide. For freedumz!!!

Swampgas_Man November 4, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Imagine how much they could accomplish w/ just a few years more!

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Yep, knowing that the Democratic governor and house were trying to push a REAL anit-bullying bill over this time, the Senate held that up until they controlled all of the levers of government. The Michigan GOP, particularly the Senate, is probably the most nasty GOP group in the entire state. It's actually worse than the state party apparatus.

Chillwaver November 4, 2011 at 10:53 am

"Sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction”

In the rest of the civilized world, this is known as "Self-righteous Religious Twattery."

Terry November 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

I wonder if that clause applies to the sincerely held religious beliefs and moral convictions of the many Muslim people who live in the Detroit area?

HistoriCat November 4, 2011 at 11:31 am

Sharia-ly you can't be serious!

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 11:47 am

True story: my son had a high school soccer game at the Dearborn high school. At the concession stand I was delighted to learn I had the choice of halal or non-halal pizza (non-halal = with pepperoni) and hot dogs.

Terry November 4, 2011 at 11:51 am

Not halal at all, but Dearborn Sausage Company makes some of the best klobasy/kielbasa this side of Warsaw.

dennis1943 November 4, 2011 at 11:36 am

I thought my home state was reasonably rational (is that like a double negative)………but now i know better……

slithytoves November 4, 2011 at 10:53 am

There's your Fred Phelps lobby winning over hearts and minds.

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

“sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction” !?!

We are talking about bully kids right?

Dok-cupy Everything November 4, 2011 at 11:15 am

Bullies tend to be very sincere in their belief that someone needs a good beatdown.

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 11:57 am

Almost always someone half their size and defenseless.

Naked_Bunny November 4, 2011 at 1:50 pm

And (unlike the bully) alone.

Crank_Tango November 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

does this mean that if we have a sincerely held religious belief that christians are infidels they should be beheaded, then that's OK?

Backdoor Shariah Lawlzzzzzzzzzz

SorosBot November 4, 2011 at 11:26 am

Remember, these are hardcore conservatives; they actually think bullying is a good thing, just as they support child abuse.

LetUsBray November 4, 2011 at 11:35 am

Let my proclamation go out across the land: HA HA!

glamourdammerung November 4, 2011 at 12:03 pm

(Insert teatard comment about everyone having guns somehow making people polite despite reality here)

Dok-cupy Everything November 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I, for one, support the formation of a gay militia.

Toomush_Infer November 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

So the father of the kid the bill is named for says it sucks? Now that's the Michigan Legislature I've come to know and despise this last 12 years of citizen-ownership…..Go Lansing!…

Texan_Bulldog November 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

Hey, at least the Lions are winning because that's all that counts, right?

Come here a minute November 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

You didn't hear Jesus complaining when he was bullied by a bunch of Romans with sincerely held moral convictions.

jodyleek November 4, 2011 at 11:24 am

Uh, actually he did:

Matthew 27:45-46

"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour.
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

But maybe that's just in the liberal bible?

HistoriCat November 4, 2011 at 11:34 am

Conservative Jesus said "my God, my God – when will these tax rates be cut?"

Muscular Jesus flexed his muscles and ripped his bloody hands off of the cross. He then beat the shit out of the guards before nailing himself back on to the cross.

jodyleek November 4, 2011 at 11:47 am

Muscular Jesus: the Chuck Norris of his day!

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 11:59 am

But not Mike Huckleberry's gay love like modern day Chuck Norris.

Come here a minute November 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

I was thinking of the 'forgive them, for they know not what they do' thing, but maybe that was just my Jesus Christ Superstar Christian education.

Come here a minute November 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

I was thinking of the 'forgive them, for they know not what they do' thing, but maybe that was just my Jesus Christ Superstar Christian education.

jodyleek November 4, 2011 at 11:50 am

That line's been struck from the Conservative bible. Too ghey!

freakishlywrong November 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

So. In Conservative Jebusland, bullying="moral". Fuck the world.

archikvetch November 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

WWLKD? What would Larry Kramer Do?

SexySmurf November 4, 2011 at 9:54 am

I'd like to give Republicans in the Michigan Senate an atomic wedgie followed by an Indian burn, a purple-nirpple and a lemon swirly.

Not_So_Much November 4, 2011 at 10:59 am

Yep — these are the same fuckwads that now move corporate cronies into management positions of any struggling community and get rid of that pesky 'democracy' shit. Yay 'Murka!

SexySmurf November 4, 2011 at 11:03 am

I forgot about that. I'll upgrade it to a chocolate swirly.

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

Count me in.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 4, 2011 at 11:03 am

You certainly know your bully terminology.
*Backs away*

Salacious Crumb November 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

Looks like someone needs to start their own religion.

deelzebub November 4, 2011 at 11:38 am

I'm plan on spreading "the Michigan Legislature a total whore" rumors behind its back and not inviting it to any of the cool parties but loudly talking about how much fun they are right in front of them. Those assholes need some Mean Girl treatment.

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Marcus just blew a load in his pants in anticipation…

widestanceshakedown November 4, 2011 at 12:02 pm

And a wood shampoo*?

*aka billyclub beatdown to the head

miss_grundy November 7, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I would rather that they had a visit from the newly resurrected Cardinal Torquemada. Imagine all the fun he could have putting Repugnants in Iron Maidens, the Rack, etc.

Or perhaps we could defenestrate the Michigan legislature, I just don't know if there is a building tall enough in Lansing to make it worthwhile.

memzilla November 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

Imagine how much more dangerous teh gheys would be if they decided to unionize!

ManchuCandidate November 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

Does it mean that the bullied can retaliate by beating their bullies over the head with a bible? Or better yet, a Koran?

bikerlaureate November 4, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Someone with sincere beliefs wouldn't use their holy book in such a manner. But the bullies, of course, are free to exercise their sincere beliefs to abuse and denigrate the bullied.

Oh, and these asshat legislators get reelected easily…

(sigh)

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 10:57 am

Oh goody… more of that "Love Thy Neighbor" morality…

(Hey folks, Jesus does not approve)

Swampgas_Man November 4, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Bully and harass your neighbor — w/ love!

emmelemm November 4, 2011 at 1:40 pm

"The beatings will continue until morale improves."

x111e7thst November 4, 2011 at 10:57 am

If I sincerely feel that it is religiously correct to beat Repuke idiots with a stick, for the greater good and the glory of god, do I get to?

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 11:03 am

That would probably be OK with God… at least more so than this crap.

memzilla November 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

The only reasonable solution is to make breeders aware that someone is gay, so they won't be corrupted by teh gheyness. Maybe making gay people wear a distinctive identifying mark, like, say, a pink triangle. Perhaps setting aside certain sections of a city where only gay people can live and work: gayttos!

Salacious Crumb November 4, 2011 at 11:23 am

So, you've been to the Castro?

deelzebub November 4, 2011 at 11:40 am

West Hollywood?

SorosBot November 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

In Philly we're less creative and more blunt; our gay neighborhood is just The Gayborhood; and Chicago's similar with its' Boy's Town.

finallyhappy November 4, 2011 at 12:42 pm

So 13th and Sansom? I think that area looks so much better than it did when i lived in Philly!

AlterNewt November 4, 2011 at 11:48 am

…drinking their fancy Gayttoade.

DetectiveGrey November 4, 2011 at 3:48 pm

It'd certainly be the friendliest and best-dressed part of the city.

EatsBabyDingos November 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

In England, you smoke a fag because you crave nicotine. In Michigan, you smoke a fag because Jeebus hates fags.

Not_So_Much November 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

Beat teh ghey out of them and fuck the jeebus into them. What could go wrong?

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

Agnostics, Atheists, Humanists, Muslims: It's open season on Christians, so long as you are firm in your convictions! Make the system work for you!

ManchuCandidate November 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

According to thin skinned Xtians, it's already happened in Jeebusland. Pity the poor Xtian martyrs.

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Outsmarted themselves with this law then, didn't they?

Geminisunmars November 4, 2011 at 12:34 pm

You simply do not understand. There are no such things as sincerely held beliefs unless they are rooted in the Bible. Jeesh.

schvitzatura November 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

If only Marcus Flavius Valerius Constantius Herculius Augustus aka Constantius Chlorus (Constantine's papa) had declared some true pagan drinking buddy, instead of his bastard son (1st Xtian Emperor of Rome), as his successor to the Roman Empire, bullys in Michigan might never have had need of protection from the ghey.

Retina damaged eyes from looking at the sun…this is the basis of Christianity getting a foothold of legitimacy….In hoc signo vinces, beotches!

Joshua Norton November 4, 2011 at 11:00 am

Yeah, them damn queers. They have such an enormous effect on those poor bigot's life, hey? They have to go to bed worrying about em, wake up yelling about em, and in the interim, writing emails raving about 'em and spend the rest of their time thinking about the "gross" things they do!

Funny how most of the homophobes have more interest about being gay than 9/10 of the gay people I know.

Boojum_Reborn November 4, 2011 at 11:57 am

And by "thinking about" you mean "fapping to".

ThundercatHo November 4, 2011 at 11:00 am

Next time I'm in Michigan I'm going to ram my car into the back of someone with a McCain/Palin, Abortion Stops a Beating Heart, or Christians Aren't Perfect, Just Forgiven bumper sticker because of my deeply held moral convictions.

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm

HEY! That guy in Norway had deeply held moral convictions! So, let him go already!

ifthethunderdontgetya November 4, 2011 at 11:00 am

All their shrieking merely serves to confirm that they're the Gross Old Pervert party.

It's like some loser driving his shiny new dickmobile.
~

prommie November 4, 2011 at 11:00 am

Boogity boogity boogity Amen!

prommie November 4, 2011 at 11:45 am

Seriously, must-see-TV: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J74y88YuSJ8
"Lord, thank you for Sunoco Racing Fuel, and Goodyear tires, and my smoking hot wife. . . ."

Monsieur_Grumpe November 4, 2011 at 11:01 am

“Fists for Jesus” is kind of catchy.

LesPaultard November 4, 2011 at 11:27 am

"A Pastafarian Pounding"

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 10:04 pm

But not fisting for Jesus.

EatsBabyDingos November 4, 2011 at 11:02 am

And killing the browns in Iraq can't stop, because Churly Krauthammer says we won, and now Obama is going to miserably lose the war because we are pulling out.

Gaaaa, I'm going home, getting out the Big Blu Bong, and calling it the end of the epoch. Will the last sane person please turn out the lights, because I will be dozing and drooling.

prommie November 4, 2011 at 11:32 am

Kraphammer and his Likud overlords will not rest until we have killed every muslim within 12,000 miles of Israel. They're all a threat, you know, each and every single muslim, they are each and every one of them a dire threat to the continued existence of Israel. You disagree? You vile anti-semite.

Salacious Crumb November 4, 2011 at 11:50 am

Is it just me or does Chucky K look like he was born with double bells palsy? Krauthammer sounds like some kinda Inglorious Basterds role playing name also, too. So often.

glamourdammerung November 4, 2011 at 11:57 am

Keep in mind that Krauthammer crippled himself due to his own stupidity. It kind of suggests something about how worthwhile his advice is.

widestanceshakedown November 4, 2011 at 11:02 am

In the name of the lord, I beat some little lezzy bitch to death. Then we discover she was carrying her stepfather's baby, which also dies.

Does Jesus still give me eternal life? Huh? How about the dead girl and the dead fetus? Huh?

(This is not quality snark, ya'll, but I'm so mad, I can barely type.)

Plowmon November 4, 2011 at 11:38 am

Ya'll ALL goin' ta BURN IN THA FIRES OF HELL! Specially that lil' slut, she snuck in my bed and I thought she wuz her mama…

Sparky_McGruff November 4, 2011 at 12:05 pm

No, the girl and the fetus are going to burn in hell… but the stepfather will be elected as a GOP representative. Does that answer your question?

OkieDokieDog November 4, 2011 at 11:03 am

Sweet. They passed a law making it their God given right to persecute the little gay children. Family values USA!

orygoon November 4, 2011 at 11:03 am

What a twist THAT is going to be on "the Devil made me do it!"

Lascauxcaveman November 4, 2011 at 11:04 am

God loves a dead gay teenager almost as much as He loves a drone strike on a mud hut full of toddlers in Afghanistan, nuclear war, shitty country music, etc.

The LORD works in mysterious ways his wond'rous deeds to perform.

Still, I just don't get that country music bit. I mean, what the hell, God?

BigDumbRedDog November 4, 2011 at 11:04 am

I wonder what would happen if young republicans and evangelical christian teens started being bullied to death?

hagajim November 4, 2011 at 11:13 am

We can hope.

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 11:14 am

Death…

orygoon November 4, 2011 at 11:15 am

What happens when gay kids of staunch Republican parents, who still parentally love their children, are bullied by the thugs who take this out?

SorosBot November 4, 2011 at 11:36 am

Nah, these are Republican; they don't love their kids, and if they're gay they send them to be mentally tortured at "therapy" that's designed to turn them into self-loathing closet cases which they claim turns people straight.

widestanceshakedown November 4, 2011 at 11:34 am

All of them, Katie, all of them.

nounverb911 November 4, 2011 at 11:05 am

So does that mean that Michele can bully Marcus now?

DetectiveGrey November 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Only if she screams a Hail Mary first.

prommie November 4, 2011 at 11:05 am

By my reading, this law prohibits "bullying," but it does permit pogroms, crusades, jihads, and religion-based genocide. Because, you know, thats one of our precious constitutional liberties, the freedom to kill people who have different beliefs, whenever its our beleif that they need killing.

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 11:15 am

USA! USA!

prommie November 4, 2011 at 11:46 am

The bitch got in the way.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Congress shall make no law abridging my right to tell other people what to do. It's in the Constimitution!

freakishlywrong November 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

Yet we can't complain about being bullied by the minority assholes in the Senate who keep filibustering jobs bills and twatwaffles like Eric Cantor who keeps blaming the President. Grrrrrr…(strong urge to morally bully)..

Gratuitous World November 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

ah, another 'Small Penis' clause inserted by Michigan Republicans. Stay classy!

SorosBot November 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

As an atheist, if I had kids could I teach them to have "sincerely held moral conviction" that they need to beat all the Christian dumbasses?

DetectiveGrey November 4, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Unfortunately, that'd get you a pretty different kind of 'religious conviction'.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 11:07 am

If you're the kind of closeted GOPerv who'd vote for this thing, you probably got bullied into being that way and think it's an important part of your own socialization. You wouldn't want to deny it to future generations. "Dad made me go out for the football team even though I wanted to be in the orchestra. I learned so much in the locker room that's useful today. Then Coach had the guys take me out under the bleachers for some 'extra' training."

Boojum_Reborn November 4, 2011 at 12:00 pm

I still think about those hard, sweaty bodies, turning me into a man. Now, come here, son.

BigDumbRedDog November 4, 2011 at 11:07 am

The eleveth comandment "Thou shalt bully"

dudleydidwrong November 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm

“Thou shalt bully thy neighbor when thy neighbor’s beliefs differ from your correct, moral beliefs. I, the Lord, have spoken.” 1st Hypocrites, Chapter 2, vs 69. Yeah, it’s in the book.

spinozasgod November 4, 2011 at 11:09 am

it doesn't just allow other kids from bullying based on "religious moral conviction" it also allows the teachers and other school staff to bully based on "religious moral conviction"…..hey, it's all about being fair…..

LiveToServeYa November 4, 2011 at 11:09 am

Do they at least limit the thickness of the rod that can be used to beat teh gays?

Boojum_Reborn November 4, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Size matters.

Gunner Asch November 4, 2011 at 12:59 pm

As a rule of thumb, no.

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:01 pm

NO! Spare the rod and spoil the child!

Polythene_Pam November 4, 2011 at 11:11 am

This is a victory for kids who are morally opposed to losers who don't give up their lunch money!

Millennial Malaise November 4, 2011 at 11:12 am

I for one, and glad someone has finally legislated that children with “sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction" are free to terrorize those that make them (mostly their parents) feel icky.

Hilter youth can't be too far behind, right?

donner_froh November 4, 2011 at 11:12 am

It gets better–but not in Michigan.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 11:12 am

Michigan: a state in economic ruin, fully of dying cities, racial strife, and the utter weirdness of the Upper Peninsula. And this is how the legislature chooses to spend its time. Seems reasonable.

HistoriCat November 4, 2011 at 11:39 am

Not much different than Congress!

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 11:48 am

Take a walk down 8th Street in Escanaba, the sweetest part of the UP, with commanding views of Lake Michigan.

HuddledMass November 4, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Man, that is some depressing shit right there.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Extraction industries always leave a place worse than they found it.

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:26 pm

To be fair, Escanaba is like the taint of the UP.

weejee November 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Hey. I spent a wonderful summer in the UP after the Army let me go painting (taking daily baths in Penta) and staining ski chalets at Big Powderhorn. But hey, does drinking Penta lead to libtardedness?

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Mmm…sweet, sweet HAZMAT. Who knows where it all got buried? RECRA? CIRCLA? Yeah, right.1982 was a great vintage for PCBs, if you can afford them.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Well, this isn't the only thing they're spending their time on. They're also working tirelessly to hinder state agencies and universities in their efforts to effectively recruit and retain valued employees who happen to be gay by prohibiting them from offering unmarried second-person domestic partner benefits. And they're working hard finding spurious reasons not to build the desperately needed, jobs and trade-generating second bridge over the Detroit river, at the behest of the Ambassador bridge owner Maroun, who has bought and paid for the lot of them. So you should cut them some slack – they've got a lot on their plates.

[Postscript. No snark.The domestic partner thing especially burns me. They originally had an anti-gay marriage referendum some years ago, with an exceptionally broadly crafted proposition. People who pointed out that this proposition could be interpreted as banning domestic partner benefits (then offered by many state agencies and all universities) were scoffed at as "alarmists". The groups promoting the bill ran ads saying "it's about marriage, not about benefits". The State Attorney General opined likewise. Then after the proposition passed, within a couple of days, indicating that the suit had been in preparation for a long time, the Attorney General successfully sued to block domestic partner benefits, using the now passed bill as a basis. I know, politics and all that, but you don't usually see such unmasked, proud cynicism on display. Most people would have at least waited awhile, for memories of the referendum campaign to fade. These people actually seemed proud of how they had pulled a fast one with blatant lies.

So the University of Michigan (who has, as you might imagine, some quite skilled lawyers on campus) crafted a plan to offer benefits to any couples - same or opposite sex - who satisfied some list of conditions (shared bank accounts and living spaces, etc.) That passed muster with the courts, so now the legislature is working overtime to ban that too, citing "improper use of taxpayer dollars". Which is a transparent lie - it is in no way the reason, since Michigan state funding is (varying from year to year) only 10-20% of U of M's total budget. (Almost all comes from tuition, alumni support, return on endowment, Federal research grants, income from the medical centre, etc.) There would be no problem making sure that the money spent on benefits didn't come from tax revenue if it was really tax money, and not just plain hatred of gays that was the motive.

These people are so consumed with hate they just can't think about anything else. It's as if they feel they have been sent to the legislature solely to kick gay people and nothing more.]

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 1:36 pm

You bet I know that U of M has smart lawyers – what’s that woman’s name who’s saying vicious things on the teevee all the time? Oh yeah:  Ann Coulter “received herJ.D.from theUniversity of Michigan Law Schoolin 1988, where she achieved membership in theOrder of the Coifand was an editor of theMichigan Law Review.”Not fair, I know. Like judging Duke Law on Richard Nixon.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Yes indeed. I've told my UofM law friends that their motto should be: "U. of M. Law School – Even our Unfunny Hate-filled Transvestite Famewhores Fulfill Their Dreams" But so far they haven't gone for it. Same story with my math department chums and the unabomber.

Herman Cain's right – some people just have no sense of humour.

PuckStopsHere November 4, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I knew there was a reason I hated UM.

fuflans November 4, 2011 at 11:14 am

oh this so needs some Oakland Elmo action.

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2011 at 12:10 pm

"You know what's gon' happen to your 'convictions' if you put them in my face again? They gon' get BROKE, okay? There is too much of yo' fat, dumb ass for Jesus to love."

GuanoFaucet November 4, 2011 at 11:15 am

It is my sincerely held moral conviction, as an atheist, that these particular sky-fairy believing motherfuckers need to be booted the fuck out of polite society.

FraAnima November 4, 2011 at 11:16 am

America Jeebus is the BESTEST Jeebus!

hagajim November 4, 2011 at 11:16 am

Let me reword….did all the normal people move out of Michigan and Wisconsin and leave the asshats in charge?

LesPaultard November 4, 2011 at 11:37 am

Not yet.

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

No, they just assumed it's never important to vote.

ShaveTheWhales November 4, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Well, to be honest, some of us left. (stretching a point on "normal", I know).

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:29 pm

No, they just stopped voting. I can't for the life of me figure out how only 30-something percent of Detroiters chose to go to the polls in November of 2010. It blows my mind. Even double that percent and we'd have probably had a Democratic AG and SoS, and we'd have definitely retained control of the Supreme Court, and maybe kept the house. We'd have still lost the governors office and the senate, but the damaged would have at least been mitigated.

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 10:09 pm

"I can't for the life of me figure out how only 30-something percent of Detroiters chose to go to the polls in November of 2010"

Unwilling or unable to brave the eight feet of snow on the way?
Just a guess…

Negropolis November 5, 2011 at 1:58 am

I know a lot of folks think winter starts in September, here, lol, but we really don't get measurable snow until later in the month or into December, and not the real deep stuff until after New Years.

JackDempsey1 November 4, 2011 at 11:16 am

Looks like "they was askin' fer it" is constitutionally-preserved free speech.

EatsBabyDingos November 4, 2011 at 11:17 am

Important Jesus lessons:

"Love thy neighbor (unless he is gay, then ridicule him to death)"
"When struck, turn the other cheek, as it will confuse your enemy before your roundhouse kick to his face."
"Blame the poor, the elderly, the children, the sick, and the prisoners, because it is their own fault they are unworthy."

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 11:30 am

Bootstraps chillens…

jodyleek November 4, 2011 at 11:40 am

Also, too:

"It is easier for a welfare queen to drive her Cadillac through the eye of a needle than it is for a poor person to enter the gates of heaven. Praise be to Supply Side Jesus! Amen!"

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Supply Side Jesus. Hmmmm, I feel a new religion coming on.

RadioOcupados November 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

Aren't these christokids supposed to turn the other cheek? I guess they meant butt cheeks.

Dok-cupy Everything November 4, 2011 at 11:19 am

Let he who is without sin bully the first queer.

RadioOcupados November 4, 2011 at 11:36 am

You can't make Eggs Tyrone without first breaking some stained glass.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I was young, I needed bus fare, it was an entirely different thing.

Tundra Grifter November 4, 2011 at 11:20 am

From Amy Sullivan's excellent opinion piece about this:

"…social conservatives such as Gary Glenn, president of the American Family Association of Michigan, …referred to anti-bullying measures as 'a Trojan horse for the homosexual agenda.' In that time, at least ten Michigan students who were victims of bullying have killed themselves. "

"Trojan horse?" Is that new urban slang for his love muscle?

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm

You know those "Greeks" and their so-called "gifts."

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 12:31 pm

He wishes…

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:39 pm

"referred to anti-bullying measures as 'a Trojan horse for the homosexual agenda.' "

Yeah, because if we don't have the freedumb to beat them up, the next thing you know, they'll be gaying all over the place, or something.

SayItWithWookies November 4, 2011 at 11:26 am

Well it's so nice to see all these Michigan Republicans protecting adherents of the Bible Sharia law. Who knew they were so open to obeying the will of Allah?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 4, 2011 at 1:43 pm

So, in Michigan, it is now all right to stone the slutty blond girls? Who knew?

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm

This whole state is under Sharia. Well, at least that's the what the state Republicans believes with Dearborn and all. They love to refer to the place racistly as "Dearbonistan" despite the majority of the Arabs, here, still being Lebanese Christians and Iraqi (Catholic) Chaldeans. lol

widestanceshakedown November 4, 2011 at 11:27 am

Has any bully ever NOT been full of sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction?

meatlofer November 4, 2011 at 11:29 am

If a kid isn't pretty,is overweight,doesn't dress in the most fashionable way,or maybe even gay! Why in God's sake isn't he home-schooled?

proudgrampa November 4, 2011 at 11:33 am

Sad.

What else is there to say?

MrFizzy November 4, 2011 at 11:36 am

I have sincere and closely held belief that most of this country fucking sucks.

widestanceshakedown November 4, 2011 at 11:38 am

You know who else was full of sincerely held religious belief and/or moral conviction?

Twelve guys with box cutters.

LetUsBray November 4, 2011 at 11:42 am

Them, plus Hitler.

OccupytheDashboard November 4, 2011 at 11:46 am

Right fucking on.

poncho_pilot November 4, 2011 at 11:47 am

the third shift stockers at Wal Mart?

coolhandnuke November 4, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Tim McVeigh

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm

"Tim McVeigh"

Oh, listen to you!
*eyeroll*
*mocking singsong voice*
"Tim McVeigh"
It's TOTALLY DIFFERENT! Tim McVeigh was white and anti-government!

fuflans November 4, 2011 at 12:28 pm

sweeney todd?

HarryButtle November 4, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Torquemada?

emmelemm November 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm

+1

poncho_pilot November 4, 2011 at 11:41 am

i have a sincerely held religious belief that people with sincerely held religious beliefs are prone to being assholes and so they shouldn't be allowed to create any form of media and their churches shouldn't get tax breaks. also, Gitmo, too.

Salacious Crumb November 4, 2011 at 11:54 am

Or procreate.

Thurman Munster IV November 4, 2011 at 11:41 am

This is just gay.

glamourdammerung November 4, 2011 at 11:41 am

We just need to teach the kids to bully conservatives and their hatchlings. It would finally give conservatives credibility for their persecution complexes and some of the young ones might get something knocked back into the correct position to allow their brains to function. Win-win!

And it is not like it is hard to have "morality based" reasons to dislike conservatives.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 11:43 am

Jesus has two daddies? I think it's more like Jesus has three daddies, and one of them is himself.

What? Look, I didn't think it up – I'm just sayin'. Take it up with the Councils of Nicaea and Calcedon.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 12:09 pm

You'll burn for this, or one these, you filthy heretic.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 12:14 pm

It is helpful of IntenseDebate to keep track of all my Wonkette postings. It'll save plenty of time on Judgement day.

LetUsBray November 4, 2011 at 11:43 am

Does this mean that, if bullied kids feel a deeply and sincerely held moral conviction that they should go Columbine on the people who bully them, that's cool too?

Salacious Crumb November 4, 2011 at 11:59 am

Needz moar concealed carry permits in schoolz.

WhatTheHeck November 4, 2011 at 11:43 am

Now if Jesus were alive in Michigan today, he would only hang out with 12 of his best male friends. Go to the mall with them, play football and soccer with them and shower with them after gym. Then when he spoke to them in soft platitudes, he would get his ass kicked.
No big deal.

GhostBuggy November 4, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Having been a high schooler in Michigan and seen first-hand what happens in our football teams' locker rooms after practice, it wouldn't be "kicking" that Jesus would have to worry about re: his ass.

OccupytheDashboard November 4, 2011 at 11:48 am

sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction

RRRRRRrrrrRRRRR

DASHBOARD SMASH!!

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 11:49 am

"sincerely held religious beliefs"…… like Sharia Law, for example?!

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 11:50 am

Here's good news: the next GOP freak show presidential candidate debate will be in Michigan on Wednesday. Let's be sure to ask the candidates how many jobs bullying gay kids will create.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 12:00 pm

And don't forget to ask directly about whether or not Obama ought to have allowed GM and Chrysler to vanish without a bailout. Romney especially.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 12:10 pm

And some UAW members are waiting in the parking lot to chat with the candidates who would've said, "No problem." Funny, they don't look like Republicans.

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:14 pm

That question should be asked about forty eleven times. Real loud.

DetectiveGrey November 4, 2011 at 3:55 pm

All of them, Katie.

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Occupy Detroit needs to get down to this debate. For real.

Occupy V572 November 4, 2011 at 9:19 pm

They probably vet those audiences very carefully. Like so many evil things, this began with Nixon and Joe McGinness.

Negropolis November 5, 2011 at 1:55 am

I meant to make a spectacle in front of the event.

Dumbedup November 4, 2011 at 11:51 am

Of course ridiculing creationist fantasy, funny religious outfits or any of the stupid shit in the bible will still be off limits.

neiltheblaze November 4, 2011 at 11:54 am

So, I guess, if my moral convictions compel me to ridicule and intimidate religious conservatives because I believe they're a threat to humanity, then that's ok too, right?

glamourdammerung November 4, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I do not think conservatives have thought much about the ramifications of making it acceptable to intimidate and physically attack deviant lifestyles anymore than they thought about the ramifications of applauding the moron that drive over the OWS folks for "taunting him".

widestanceshakedown November 4, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"Ramifications" sounds too much like a gay sex act for them to think about.

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:47 pm

""Ramifications" sounds too much like a gay sex act for them to think about."

"Fortifications "means a large fort, therefore "Ramifications" must mean a large ram.

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 11:55 am

Terry Jones is packing his shit and moving to Michigan.

mavenmaven November 4, 2011 at 11:59 am

And if you have a sincerely held moral viewpoint on the moral supremacy of the white aryan nation, you can kick everyone in your class to death with your steel tip boots, and that's ok.

HistoriCat November 4, 2011 at 12:09 pm

You who else … oh – fuck it.

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Of course it's OK. It's *completely unlike* those threatening and scary urban youth and all their violence.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Short version: In Michigan, it's officially OK to be an asshole.

Lascauxcaveman November 4, 2011 at 12:43 pm

As codified by their newly-passed Don't Be An Asshole statute.

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I think the asshole is now the state bird.

SaintRond November 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm

After watching Gaddafi getting the shit beat out of him made me realize that not having guillotines running 24/7 for decade after decade is ultimately going to take 15 years off my life.

I feel so unfulfilled.

user-of-owls November 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm

My sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction says it's ok to call the AFA a sack full of greasy cunts.

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2011 at 12:14 pm

"Hey Little Dude From Across The Street! God says you gotta let me hold a dollar!"

proudgrampa November 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

My sincere advice to a kid being bullied:

I was in your shoes, once. I allowed a kid to threaten me and push me around. Even got to the point where he was taking money from me. I knew I had to do something and, finally, I resolved to say no. He threatened me, and hit me. I hit back. That shocked him. He never approached me again.

I was afraid of getting hurt, but found out that it didn't hurt that much.

I'm not saying this is every victim's solution, but don't be afraid. And don't be afraid to tell an adult that you are being bullied.

Callyson November 4, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Super thumbs up–I had the exact same experience and it finally ended when I stood up for myself and said no. In my case, I didn't even have to hit the bully to get her to stop.
Also, make sure your cell's camera is ready at a moment's notice. A few YouTube videos of how those with "sincerely held beliefs" treat people might just turn the public around…

WootInTarnation November 6, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Totally agree and I encourage my friends with kids who are perceived as "gay" to get them into martial arts classes.

+1 also for the video camera. Make sure its on tape, because the Zero Tolerance rules in schools will suspend the victim sooner than suspend the bully.

But the biggest danger is that these fucking tough-guy bullies, especially the ones who target gay kids, attack in packs. Almost every single macho bully attacks with his friends or has them there for back-up. They're growing up to be hypocritical rethuglicans. Never fight a fair fight because you just might lose.

Thus, my impassioned pleas to parents to get their kids training that will give them a chance against a group of attackers. I love these friends: they're considerate, they act ethically, they're compassionate and pacifist. However, these specific friends are also straight and were never harassed and beaten on a regular basis, either at home or in school. They abhor violence and are raising their kids to be caring and kind. I deeply respect that: their kids will grow up to make our society kinder and more just.

But I know what life is like for their kids and I want to see them safe. In a saner world, schools would not only adopt strict and fair anti-bullying policies, they'd also provide self-defense classes for any students who suffer harassment.

In the meantime, as the rethugs are fighting back tooth and nail against providing protections and rights for victimized populations, we've got to give our kids the skills to protect themselves. Then we need to be prepared to protect them from official punishment for standing up for themselves.

No snark, because this is too close to home for me. This right-wing backlash is getting worse and we've got to act to protect our kids.

fuflans November 4, 2011 at 12:31 pm

what we need here is a flash mob of 'born this way' barbarians.

coolhandnuke November 4, 2011 at 12:34 pm

So come next Jesusween in Michigan, any Fundie youth can loot the treats of any non-believer.

dennis1943 November 4, 2011 at 12:36 pm

If the Michigan GOP will countenance this, there is nothing they won't do…….NOTHING !

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm

"Countenance"?
If the Michigan GOP weren't so old, fat, and out of shape, they'd be beating up the gay kids themselves.

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 12:39 pm

So when they releasing the underwear bomber?

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:18 pm

And the guy from Norway. He's way sincere.

Callyson November 4, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Turns out that this law, if passed, might not stand:
Democrats tried unsuccessfully to attach an amendment to list characteristics — such as race, gender and sexual preference — that are off-limits for bullying. They said policies that include detailed lists have held up better when challenged before the U.S. Supreme Court.
"The Supreme Court … clearly says that enumeration is important," Anderson, D-Westland, told the chamber.
So, um, does that mean the Supremes might inadvertently do some good? I haz a confused…

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Don't worry, it's a mistake. They'll rectify this so that STATES RIGHTS! are protected.

It's good to remember what kind of people real states rights proponents are.

Redhead November 4, 2011 at 12:54 pm

So my future kids are still free, if we move to Michigan one day, to tell the bullies picking on the gay kids that they are the backwoods inbred spawn of satan, since that is our "sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction?"

chascates November 4, 2011 at 12:56 pm

It's not bullying if Jesus does it.

OhNoGuy November 4, 2011 at 7:22 pm

WWJD? Beat the shit out of that kid. Duh!

Redhead November 4, 2011 at 12:57 pm

And only slightly off topic… but I bet the fundies pushing for all the "marriage is between a man and a woman" crap didn't envision what happened in NC:
A cop got pulled over with another man in the car. The other man said the cop had picked him up and offered to pay him for anal and oral sex. The cop was arrested (and fired). But a judge found the (former) cop not guilty of soliciting prostitution because state law defines prostitution as involving intercourse for money, and defines intercourse as between a man and a woman.

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Try as I might, I cannot figure out whether this is A Good Thing or A Bad Thing.

CommieLibunatic November 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Just another day in Opposite Land, where Arnold Schwarzenegger ran California, torture is legal, spinach is poison, and bullying is morally motivated.

I hate it here.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 4, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I had a sincerely held religious belief that the fat spotty kid in middle school owed me his lunch money. I wonder if I can still sue the school district.

comrad_darkness November 4, 2011 at 1:10 pm

My religion, Eternal Atheism, requires my black belt holding kids to beat any Jesus freaks into the loose dust under the swing set.

I want my rights!

An_Outhouse November 4, 2011 at 1:24 pm

The Taliban have sincerely held religious beliefs.

Naked_Bunny November 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

the AFA approve of this useless bill

That would be all I needed to know to vote against it.

Preacher_Griz November 4, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Great news!! GIL!! PTL!!!
Conservative Christians will use this Strict Jeffersonian multi-Amendment Constitutionalism to go after the following:

1) gay homos
2) Jezebels
3) evolution non-deniers
4) ALL TEACHERS LIVING HIGH ON THE HOG w/ CUSHY GOVT PENSIONS

owhatever November 4, 2011 at 2:07 pm

So the bill is worthless, so long as the bully regularly attends church. This says so much about Republicans.

CommieLibunatic November 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm

I just read a couple yahoos on Yahoo going on about how the bullied kids need to toughen up and how that would solve everything. Makes me wonder what the point is if parents or teachers aren't able to do anything more than growl "get over it."

Furthermore, I've gotten the impression that Free Speech™ doesn't really apply so much in schools. That sounds pretty nasty at first, but when my middle school-aged niece says stupid shit like "I MAED A GAY BLACK DOOD IN MINECRAFT LOL," it makes me pause in consideration.

…I guess that was kinda dry for a Wonkette post. Sorry, my snark needle is bouncing on the bottom of the gauge.

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm

"Furthermore, I've gotten the impression that Free Speech™ doesn't really apply so much in schools."

My high school, which had a dress code and regular locker searches, had something called a "Freedom Shrine", which consisted of laminated copies of the Declaration of Independence and Constitution mounted on the wall in the hallway.

I don't have a problem with that, per se, except that talking in the halls was forbidden. I kept hoping that somebody would break the rule near the "Freedom Shrine" and get in trouble for talking while standing next to the Amendment that "guarantees" freedom of speech.

Gainsbourg69 November 4, 2011 at 2:45 pm

The free market has a solution for this. What say I start a company that hires out older, tougher kids, who can recite Ezekiel 25-17 by memory, to beat the shit out of these fundie's little fuck faced kids?

WootInTarnation November 6, 2011 at 9:19 pm

If you Kickstart that project, I'll be the first to donate.

dennis1943 November 4, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Dominionism…………..at it wor……..wait………..oh my God,it isn't its worst, is it ?

datateday November 4, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Michigan's the LAST place I'd expect this kind of gay bashing exemption… I guess that's what happens when you're neighbors with Canada & yourself?!?

tessiee November 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

"to exempt kids with a “sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction” from the rules"

Or, yknow, if "he was comin' right for us!"

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:19 pm

A little background…

The GOP has been in control of the Senate since the mid-1980's. That's right, they've been in power since Reagan was president. This is because Democrats, for whatever reason, have lost elections every time redistricting has come up. The state senate is so incredibly gerrymandered, that it's almost impossible for Dems to take control of it. Despite this being a pretty solidly blue state, the population spread is such that the cities are super Dem vote sinks.

It's really sad. The GOP has a super-majority in the state senate for the next three years, at least, and they in no way represent mainstream Michigan, again, given how the state votes at a state and national level. It sucks so bad.

BTW, the senate has been holding up this building for years, because we had a Democrat state house and governor, which would have never gone for this bullshit. I hope the hell that Snyder doesn't sign this piece of shit bill.

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Honestly, and people wonder why everyone else is moving to this state and no one wants to move in. Hey fellow Michigan voters? Yeah, this is what happens when you either selfishly or lazily decide to sit out an entire election in droves. Elections have consquences, you fuckers, and now we ALL have to suffer this shit.

You know, I honestly can't see Snyder signing this into law, but I'd not put money on that bet.

ttommyunger November 4, 2011 at 11:38 pm

This sort of hurtful idiocy is the direct result of the Right's relentless (and successful) push to gain seats in local governments. My only question is how much harm they will do before they overreach beyond the public's limit?

Antispandex November 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Well, like many things, I just don't get it. If we get rid of all of the gays, what will all of those GOP Senators and Rep's. do for rent boys?

WootInTarnation November 6, 2011 at 9:23 pm

And who'll be the new scapegoat? They've already used all the other minority populations. Sure, they can squeeze a little more mileage out of Cadillac welfare moms and immigrants, but people have watched those movies too many times already to get super het up over them.

TopLib November 6, 2011 at 12:42 am

Freedom of speech is wonderful for both sides of an agrument.

SaintRond November 9, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Jesus Christ, I can't even come up with a joke about this one. And I'm a guy who thinks executions are funny.

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