FOR SERIOUS THIS TIME  6:53 pm November 3, 2011

Rick Perry Pretty Much Compares Himself To Jesus On Teevee

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson


Here is Sean Hannity interviewing Rick Perry in a moodily lit room full of farming implements, and boy is there ever a lot of sexual tension. Just make out already, you two! But okay okay, if we had to choose our favorite Rick Perry pick-up line from this “gay hillbilly courtship rituals” documentary short, it’s this one (starting at 3:38) where he says, “The corporate tax lawyers in Washington D.C., they hate me the way, you know, the devil hates holy water,” only because it is a little bit unusual even for one of the egomaniacal brand of human who runs for U.S. President to basically equate himself to the evil-repelling tears of Jesus.

But that’s Rick Perry for you! And in the next breath he promises to be Shiva the Destroyer and “take a wrecking ball to Washington when it comes to those tax issues, when it comes to those regulations.” He is a warrior! And also holy. He is a holy warrior, or …a jihadist, you might say.

Rick Perry is going to do wrecking ball jihad on everything in America. Here he is in another interview published today with more of this balls business, in the San Francisco Chronicle:

In a wide-ranging interview with The Chronicle, the governor defined his embattled presidential campaign as one that offers voters a leader with “the courage to walk into Washington, D.C.,” and “take a wrecking ball, a sledgehammer – whatever it takes to break up the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality that is putting this country’s future in jeopardy.”

Is Rick Perry aware of anything he says at all? Because according to that last sentence, he would also smash his own head in if elected President. [News Hounds/ SFGate]

 
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{ 209 comments }

nounverb911 November 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm

"Rick Perry Pretty Much Compares Himself To Jesus On Teevee"
Then why is Texas still having a drought?

DrunkIrishman November 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

The sin of Austin.

Thurman Munster IV November 3, 2011 at 7:25 pm

…and Houston. Its mayor is gug-guh-gay.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:07 pm

…and Dallas with its cowboy queens.

DrunkIrishman November 4, 2011 at 1:14 am

And San Antonio with its Mexicans.

memzilla November 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Austin… but no Powers.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:08 pm

…oh, and because of the Mexicans. Also. How could we forget the sins of the Mexicans?

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:08 am

Oh yes, the Mexicans….the original owners of zer land.

HateMachine November 3, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Because Rick Perry moves in mysterious ways.

Especially while giving speeches in New Hampshire, high on maple syrup fumes.

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:10 am

L to the O to the L! I love the smell of smouldering Republicon dickshits in the a.m.

mayor_quimby November 4, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Because Tim Tebow does not approve of how public Perry is with his Jeebus talk?

nounverb911 November 3, 2011 at 6:55 pm

"Rick Perry Pretty Much Compares Himself To Jesus On Teevee"
Have you put out the fires in Texas yet?

Generation[redacted] November 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Beat me to it!

Maybe if we all pray to him.

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm

We pray to him, he preys on us. Never a miscommunication.

BlueStateLibel November 3, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Or walked on water? Not that there's probably any left in Texas.

DrunkIrishman November 3, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Rick Perry is to Jesus as Dane Cook is to comedy.

tcaalaw November 4, 2011 at 9:33 am

Stand-up comic libel!

prommie November 4, 2011 at 9:44 am

Chrsistianity is to Jesus as Dane Cook is to funny.

prommie November 4, 2011 at 9:45 am

Rick Perry is to Jesus as Tim Tebow is to an NFL Quarterback.

memzilla November 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Wait, what? Is Gubbner Goodhair saying that — like Jeebus — he's a Figgerhead?

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 7:17 pm

He's the Son of Clod.

Not_So_Much November 3, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Only at hunting camp.

jetjaguar November 3, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Does he also have two daddies?

nounverb911 November 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

"Rick Perry Pretty Much Compares Himself To Jesus On Teevee"
Then why did the Rangers lose the World Series?

Dok-cupy Everything November 3, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Jesus likes futbol

Occupy V572 November 3, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Ricky no like Chimpy, who used to own the Rangers. Ergo: Cardinals win.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 3, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Tim Teabow?

Callyson November 3, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, on a fundraising swing in California, spoke at length for the first time Wednesday about his eyebrow-raising address in New Hampshire last week that has gone viral on the Internet, saying it was "a pretty typical speech for me"
Incoherent, full of senseless drivel, and overrated…yep, that's pretty typical for Perry…

Tundra Grifter November 3, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Callyson:

You forgot to mention Perry got all googgly-eyed over a flask of maple syrup.

Callyson November 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm

True…I figured that one was too good to be repeated, but with The Rickster, you never know…

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

It's a Jesusween miracle!

Ducksworthy November 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

This is just the sort of behavior that has given homosexuality a bad name.

Callyson November 3, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Also, Hannity's laugh after Perry's holy water line is a gem. You can tell he is thinking "Butch, get over yourself." For once I agree with Hannity…

emmelemm November 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"Butch, get over yourself."

I'm hoping you meant Bitch. Either way, that's a funny typo.

SorosBot November 3, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Or maybe Perry reminded Hannity of Munsters and Liddsville star Butch Patrick.

schvitzatura November 4, 2011 at 12:55 am

Goodhair is the koo-koo-kookiest!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btpd8zg5VWA

Callyson November 3, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Actually, I like it either way.
Come to think of it, so do some Republicans…

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I'd say Perry is more of a femme, myself.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 3, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Just make out already, you two!

Even Blowvember couldn't handle that.
~

weejee November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Perry the droan is more fearful than the Predator Drone. He should just give in and reach over and grab Hannity's joy stick. Sean is so obvs saying "Fly this big boy."

Tundra Grifter November 3, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Say a few words to the folks.

Gurkman November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm

The only way to "secure the border" is to destroy the U.S. economy so much that there is no longer any incentive to cross the border. I wouldn't put that beyond today's GOP, though.

GunToting[Redacted] November 4, 2011 at 9:58 am

Almost there!

coolhandnuke November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Hannity and Clones.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Here he is in another interview published today with more of this balls business

Even Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho would be a better President.
~

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Needz moar missile firing from Austin to Warshington, D. C.

Lucidamente1 November 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"whatever it takes to break up the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality": said mentality being his area of expertise. http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/rick-pe

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:59 am

Left unsaid is what he'd bring in to replace the good-old-boy corporate lobbyists:
his own collection of good-old-boy corporate lobbyists.

Bush and Cheney's buddies had their big feed at the trough, now it's time for Perry's buddies to get in on the action.

Tundra Grifter November 3, 2011 at 7:09 pm

"…whatever it takes to break up the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality that is putting this country’s future in jeopardy.”

But enough about Herman Cain's previous career.

Do you believe he tried to bang that chick?

Dok-cupy Everything November 3, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Rickerhead is unable to see the appeal of ladies

JustPixelz November 3, 2011 at 7:10 pm

The government is out of money, so Ricky will have bring his own cross and nails to Washington.

In related news, Jesus shot himself today after watching the Perry interview. Friends shrugged the suicide off, saying "don't worry, he'll be back".

Another Republican who thinks he is or talks to Jesus. So what else is new?

OneYieldRegular November 3, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Perhaps one should take a page from psychologist Milton Erickson, and say to these sociopaths with Jesus complexes, "So I understand you're a carpenter – you know, I've been wanting to have some bookshelves built…"

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:12 am

That could be the most pure and holy thing I've ever read on the Internets. Gawd bless you.

coolhandnuke November 3, 2011 at 7:11 pm

The sexual tension in the room is so thick you could cut them with a chainsaw.

Nostrildamus November 3, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Sweet dreams tonight!

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I never could bring myself to watch "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". This version, I could watch.

user-of-owls November 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm

you could cut them with a chainsaw.

Now there's an attractive idea.

mayor_quimby November 4, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Well, that is one way to cut through all the damn man-crush wood in there.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 3, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Are you sure Perry was comparing himself to Jesus in the interview, or was he just saying "Oh God, Oh God!" as Hannity fellated him?

Terry November 3, 2011 at 7:11 pm

"whatever it takes to break up the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality that is putting this country’s future in jeopardy.”"

Psst. Rick. Over here. You know those guys who give you checks? Most of them are corporate lobbyists.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Exactly. And their mentality right as of this moment appears to be: "Let's start giving our checks to someone besides Rick Perry." No wonder Rick wants to crush that mentality quick and hard.

weejee November 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm

the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality

Terry, do you think Ricky was trying to be clever by not saying the good-old-cowboy lobbyist mentality? Nah, not by half.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 3, 2011 at 7:13 pm

You know a Conservative is in a big shit storm when they need to be Hannitized. In Conservative circles, it is sort of the same thing as a liberal being interviewed by Fred Rodgers, although with a whole lot more homoeroticism and a whole lot less intelligence.

OneYieldRegular November 3, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Something about Sean Hannity always, without fail, prompts me to picture him in drag.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:13 pm

He'd be the ugliest woman this side of the Mississippi.

user-of-owls November 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Funny, it always prompts me to think of him being dragged. By me. Over hot charcoals with shards of glass covered in habanero juice. And the charcoals have ricin in them. Oh, and polonium too. Oh, oh…and piranhas! Thousands of hungry little heat-resistant air-breathing piranhas. With metal teeth, like that Jaws guy in the Bond movie.

As you may have inferred, I don't particularly care for this gentleman.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 3:03 am

Jeez – what variety of mushroom did you saute last night?

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:15 am

Stop. Don't. Stop. Don't stop. Please Don't stop. etc.

Nostrildamus November 3, 2011 at 9:30 pm

…interviewed by Fred Rodgers…

I'm guessing both Perry and Hannity are sweaters.

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:16 am

Of the heavy sort. Winter's coming on, so they might cum in handy. Ewww. Sorry.

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 10:11 pm

I've always considered Rick Perry more appropriately interviewed by Roy Rogers.

Angry_Marmot November 4, 2011 at 2:54 am

On one of them, the host talks to puppets, and the other is a show for children.

spends2much November 3, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Jesus hates Texas. Just hates it. Like the devil hates holy water…

Pragmatist2 November 3, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Jesus had crappy hair.

SorosBot November 3, 2011 at 6:14 pm

If Perry really wants to be like Jesus, why doesn't he get someone to crucify him?

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 10:31 am

Well, he does have that cross on Niggerhead that they burn ritualisticly every year…

comrad_darkness November 4, 2011 at 10:45 am

More fun to fantasize you are already being crucified, for your beliefs. Free tix to heaven you know.

arihaya November 7, 2011 at 8:05 am

Crucifixion ? good, line on the left, one cross each

fletc3her November 3, 2011 at 7:15 pm

I wonder if the corporate lobbyists have heard about this?!

Occupy V572 November 3, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Heard about it? They wrote the Power Point he memorized before sitting down with his fellow center-parter.

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:19 am

Yeehah – it's almost Guy Fawkes day! Everyone remember to MOVE YOUR MONEY to a credit union or local bank. No more Wall St. banks.

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 7:15 pm

"throw in a flat tax corporately and personally"

Hold up a minute there, pardner, corporations are people! Closet soshulism!!

ThundercatHo November 3, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Hey, Rick. Wouldn't it be easier to bring some holy water to DC and just sprinkle the lawyers rather than a wrecking ball? I mean, you're already carting arounds some major league heuvos in your pants, obvs.

Come here a minute November 3, 2011 at 7:16 pm

If it wasn't for good old boys, Rick Perry would be 'waging jihad' in Afghanistan and Iraq.

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 7:19 pm
swordfis November 3, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I got through two minutes of this video hellscape before I gave up. Predator drones? Lava lakes? Boots on the ground? – Why is this man not institutionalized? Why is the other man not in a sheltered workshop for "special" newscasters? And they talk as if they're discussing rodent extermination. Rick's quite chipper about it, actually.

CapnFatback November 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm

"And the people love me, Rick Perry, as much as I love fire water!"

Not_So_Much November 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm

He does remind of jeebus. But only because every time I hear more word-salad fall out of his cakehole I mutter 'hayzoos-fucking-kreesto', and then beat the dog mercilessly.

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 7:22 pm

2,000 miles is a lot for the damn fence. i think we've seen some of this "strategic fencing" in California.

p.s. is "strategic fencing" some code word for the sword fight he had with Hannity before the interview?

proudgrampa November 3, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Holy Fuck. No. Really. Holy Fuck.

Barrelhse November 3, 2011 at 7:24 pm

But he ain't as popular as the Beatles.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 7:26 pm

"they hate me the way, you know, the devil hates holy water"

begin{Xtian_wingnut}
Oh, oh. Rick's strayed from the straight path. If he were really a born again believer, opening himself to God's word, through prayerful reading, Christian fellowship, and the guidance of a minister who is wise in the teachings of the Lord Jesus, he'd know that there is nothing special about water blessed by the mitre-hatted head of the Mary-worshiping Catholic cult. In fact, the devil loves "holy" water (falsely so-called), because it is a tool that may help tempt Christians from the one true road to salvation. As always, Brother Jack Chick gives simple guidance. Don't be misled by the comic book form, for the man is truly a fool for the Lord.
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01….
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0040/0040_01….
end{Xtian_wingnut}

[As you can see, I have spent an awful lot of my life in the (accidental) company of some seriously hard core members of the flock.]

TitsOccupado November 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Chick tracts still exist? Jeebus…

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 7:41 pm

on of my favorites:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0034/0034_01….

"we're gonna rock, rock, rock, rock with the rock." i'm totally stealing those lyrics for the next band i start.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Thanks! I thought I had read all of 'em, but this one was new to me. And Lewis (Lew) Siffer? Wow, that Jack Chick is a creative genius.

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 8:01 pm

That stuff is great Chich. Also, yesterday, Mumbletypeg, with her astounding vocabulary, pointed out a great word for this religious alchemy: syncret. They just keep re-inventing and rewarming the same old campfire stories for the last five millennium.

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2011 at 8:54 pm

You're too kind, Radio — I'm still getting around to viewing the Groucho vid you shared on that thread, btw~

Chich, I've spent much time in company w/ the same as you described, yet these chick tracts are totally new to me. Thanks for the belly laugh> Truly I did not expect to LOL, I guess it's been a while since I was exposed to their… mindset?

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 8:31 pm

in Texas, Jack Chick tracts are as common as roaches. and found in many of the same seemingly random locations. yeah, he's a regular Bill Shakespeare.

Lew Siffer? Lou Sarah? hmmm?

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2011 at 9:20 pm

That is lyrical genius worthy of a special guest band on the Flintstones or Jetsons.

Nostrildamus November 3, 2011 at 9:38 pm

"… Christian rock music is a powerful demonic force controlled by Satan …

No wonder it sucks.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I think the blame lies elsewhere. Satan may have his less admirable qualities, but the guy flat out knows how to rock. Maybe he farmed this job out to one of his less competent minions, like maybe that Screwtape guy C.S.Lewis wrote about.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 3:24 am

I'm a man of wealth and taste.
What part of "and" don't they understand?

GunToting[Redacted] November 4, 2011 at 10:10 am

That is flat-out AWESOME. I'm going to crank up some Slayer and read that again!

DerrickWildcat November 3, 2011 at 7:46 pm

HAW! HAW! HAW!

Ohforcripessake November 3, 2011 at 9:03 pm

"(Gasp) But I'm a virgin!"

BAAAAHAHAHAHAHA !!1!

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Oh, I do 'preciate your testimony and your strength in the Word, Brother Chich! Those poor, deceived Catholics are double-diddly-damned! Let's meet every morning, in the first Wonkette thread, and post daily devotions as an example to this wayward flock.

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 10:24 pm

The first Chick tract I ever saw was in a laundromat in Wmsburg, VA, in the early 70s. Big Daddy. I see it has been updated for the 21st century, so you can't say there's no "evolution" in the crazy-ass fundy world. Being an evilutionist myself, it's still my favorite.

FYI, in case you didn't know it, Chick Publications is listed as an "active general hate group" by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 3:15 am

This whole "hates holy water" thing has been blown completely out of proportion.
I mean, hundreds of people sticking their fingers in it… yuck. If you knew what was growing in that stuff, you'd avoid it too.

JackObin November 3, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Does this mean Little Ricky will be crucified? How appropriate for a Texas gubbener.

mavenmaven November 3, 2011 at 7:28 pm

He's going to swing his balls all over Washington?

snackypants November 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm

He's going to teabag Washington.

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 10:37 am

Miss Lindsay already has plans to keep Perry's attack more "centralized and focused".

Spurning Beer November 3, 2011 at 7:30 pm

I hate Rick Perry like Sarah Palin hates terminal G's.

Like Christine O'Donnell hates masturbation.

Like George Wallace hated pointy-headed liberals.

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 7:53 pm

I think George Wallace hated something else worse.

Spurning Beer November 3, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Nappy-headed liberals?

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Niggerheaded liberals, my friend.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2011 at 9:22 pm

If George Wallace were alive today, he'd be co-hosting the Rev. Al hour on MSNBC. He paved the way for Ed Schultz's reformed right wing douche act.

Spurning Beer November 3, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Agreed. It's not much of a step up, but George was probably always more of an opportunist than a racist. Black people in Alabama liked him for getting free textbooks in the public schools.

Not that he wasn't a racist. It's just a relative thing. For a privileged while Alabamian of his generation, he was less racist than average. Average was pretty nasty, though. If he were still alive, he might be to the left of Pat Buchanan on the MSNBC panel.

user-of-owls November 3, 2011 at 10:53 pm

If he were still alive, he might be to the left of Pat Buchanan on the MSNBC panel.

One might plausibly say the same thing for any number of dead folks, like say, Vlad the Impaler for example.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 11:59 pm

…he was less racist than average.

Of all of the ways I've heard Wallace described, this is a first. lol

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 10:40 am

And it only took one bullet!

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Actually, GW was a "man of the people" and it was pointy-headed intellectuals he derided.

He was also an opportunist.

In 1982, he ran for governor a fourth time. In a watershed moment, he admitted that he had been wrong about "race" all along. He was elected by a coalition represented by blacks, organized labor and forces seeking to advance public education. In that race, he carried all 10 of the state's counties with a majority black population, nine of them by a better than two-to-one margin. He retired four years later, an increasingly remote and physically tormented man.

"We thought [segregation] was in the best interests of all concerned. We were mistaken," he told a black group in 1982. "The Old South is gone," but "the New South is still opposed to government regulation of our lives."

Chet Kincaid November 4, 2011 at 1:07 am

That's what I'm talking about! Y'all act like I'm having an acid flashback, but I clearly recall Wallace being embraced by his old adversaries. Per wiki:

Wallace announced that he was a born-again Christian in the late 1970s, and apologized to black civil rights leaders for his earlier segregationist positions. He said that while he had once sought power and glory, he realized he needed to seek love and forgiveness.[note 3] In 1979, Wallace said of his stand in the schoolhouse door: "I was wrong. Those days are over and they ought to be over."[4] His final term as Governor (1983–1987) saw a record number of black appointments to government positions.[43] Also in his final term, Wallace was the first governor to appoint two black members in the same cabinet, a number that has been equalled but never surpassed.

finallyhappy November 3, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Devil and holy water- Literally Jesus H Christ! What morons ever elected this guy??
By the way, some of my close friends- Herman Cain and the Cock brothers -are coming to DC tomorrow for some conference so I guess I will be at the convention center at 6 PM for the protest. Can't leave all of this stuff to you kids.

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Dammit, some of us libruls have to work this weekend-evenings, otherwise we'd be there.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 8:13 pm

You work evenings and weekends too? Thank goodness, I thought I was doing something wrong. Because I kept hearing that it was only these sooper-tough traders and investment banker types that worked long hours. (Though, I will grant one of the guys who wrote rants that I usually will visit the washroom if I really need to. But if he is willing to live with the Febreze bill and his co-workers have nose plugs, I'm not going to judge. But I digress.)

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 8:50 pm

True story: Pretentious new stuffed shirt COO comes to department meeting last year and someone asks him, "why don't you come down some Sunday night to see what it's really like in the trenches?" Without a hitch, the fuckface blithely answered, "don't worry, you'll never see me there any night!"

HistoriCat November 4, 2011 at 10:03 am

Don't forget to file a report – tips@wonkette.com

BarackMyWorld November 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm

"…the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality…"

Isn't that usually just called being a Republican?

(And most Democrats too.)

crybabyboehner November 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm

As long as he doesn't compare hisself to John Lennon.

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Or Eric Clapton.

TitsOccupado November 3, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Imagine what Ricky could do with a punishing dildo mallet!

Schmannnity November 3, 2011 at 7:37 pm

His immigration policy is to "train enough Predator drone pilots?" He must be trying to discredit Cain by having him look like a moderate for massive voltage electric fence. The ball's in your court Bachmann: Nuke or no nuke?

DerrickWildcat November 3, 2011 at 7:45 pm

You can get Holy Water for 12.95 http://www.holylandmall.net/howafrhola.html

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 7:55 pm

That's just from the Jordan river! Gotta be blessed by the Pope, or it's just water. That's the problem with getting cut-rate, generic brand holy water: it's fine for baptizing babies and such – especially the smelly ones that you want to get wrapped up quick – but when you're trying to cast out a 3,000 year old demon, it'll let you down every time. Pay a few bucks extra for the name brand.

DerrickWildcat November 3, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Hey, like I did some research and it doesn't have to be the Pope. Any old Priest can sanctify some water into Holy Water. So if you have a friend that's a Priest and he owes you a favor or something, you might be able to get it for free.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Thanks DerrickW. You saved me a bundle!

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 9:08 pm

James Randi, one of my early skeptic anti-heroes, pre-Wonkette, of course, totally, completely debunked Peter Popoff (srsly, worst name ever). Now the urethral discharge is back selling, you guessed it, miracle water.

DerrickWildcat November 3, 2011 at 9:09 pm

No sweat. I try to be helpful.

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 7:49 pm

“take a wrecking ball, a sledgehammer – whatever it takes to break up the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality that is putting this country’s future in jeopardy.”

Sounds kind of OWS-ish Ricky, well, except the violence part.

Dok-cupy Everything November 3, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Oh yeah, those lobbyists he wants to eradicate? Maybe he should start with these guys. He won't even have to leave Texas.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 12:00 pm

It's the "mentality" he wants to eradicate — you know, the mentality that maybe they ought to be subtle about it.

Occupy V572 November 3, 2011 at 7:52 pm

OT, but must read from Jonathan Alter in Washington Monthly:

When Bill Clinton was running for reelection in 1996, I was a regular visitor to Dick Morris’s suite at the Jefferson Hotel. Morris was then a shadowy figure who almost never talked to the press. (When I interviewed him and his sidekick, Mark Penn, I had no idea that a few weeks later a supermarket tabloid would reveal that Morris was getting his toes sucked in the suite by a prostitute.)

No idea! Really!
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/magazine/novembe

ShaveTheWhales November 3, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Proving once again that there is nothing Jonathon Alter cannot overanalyze.

Although I did like

"Barack Obama and an intern? Highly unlikely. The first lady would kill him, cover it up, look fabulous at the state funeral—and no one would be any the wiser."

Occupy V572 November 3, 2011 at 9:49 pm

As an anodyne, go read noted goat-fellator Mickey Kaus' argument that Bill Clinton “got away” with his infidelities whereas St Ronnie didn't get away w/Iran-Contra. Refresh my memory: which one got impeached?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 11:59 am

Refresh my memory: which one was a felony?

An_Outhouse November 4, 2011 at 9:46 am

This is why we love Michelle. It would be even better if she were Vice-Pres. That would keep Barry on his toes.

iburl November 3, 2011 at 7:57 pm

"the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality"

Yes, that has nothing at all to do with the Republican Party.

bflrtsplk November 3, 2011 at 7:58 pm

I got a sledge hammer in the garage I ain't usin' if little Ricky wants to smash his own head.

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:07 am

Kewl!

chascates November 3, 2011 at 8:03 pm

I'm in favor he should be nailed to something.

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 8:56 pm

But first a little bungee-bungee, wait, Little Ricky might like that.

Blueb4sunrise November 3, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I'm hoping to quickly develop kidney stones and pass them to relieve the pain of watching that clip.

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:06 am

No need to sacrifice so much my dear Blue4sunriseperson. Time wounds all heels.

rocktonsam November 3, 2011 at 8:09 pm

that thunder from heaven is Molly laughing her ass off!!!

OneYieldRegular November 3, 2011 at 8:12 pm

And Perry represents the *moderate* Republican view on immigration? Referring to desperately poor people as "bad guys" and suggesting they be hunted down with predator drones? Please, Montezuma, answer my pagan prayers…

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:20 pm

And, yet, he was on John King USA on CNN, tonight, basically calling for amnesty, but chastizing the host for calling his amnesty plan amnesty. Truth is that on many issues on immigration, he's actually in the mainstream; hell, he sounds like most Democrats on the issue.

chicken_thief November 4, 2011 at 10:45 am

He trying to out-Mitt Mitt with the flexibility of his positions?….. wait, that sounds way gayer than I meant for it to.

On third though, it works either way.

snoopyfan2010 November 3, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Is Rick Perry aware of anything he says at all? Because according to that last sentence, he would also smash his own head in if elected President

That's something would vote for.

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 8:35 pm

as long as i can sit in the front row behind a plastic sheet when Rick "Watermelon" Perry's head is smashed to end lobbyist corruption.

HistoriCat November 4, 2011 at 10:07 am

Gallagher could finally perform a useful service to society.

Antispandex November 3, 2011 at 8:37 pm

This is the new Grandma's Old Panties party strategy of bait and switch politics. Raise your hand if you think there is a Teapublican in the world who will go to Washington and "take on those corporate interests". I didn't think so either. Oh, unless "take on" has something to do with stuffng more money in their pockets, blowing them, whatevs.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 3, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I might see a similarity if Perry was nailed to a cross…. maybe.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:06 pm

"whatever it takes to break up the good-old-boy corporate lobbyist mentality"

Excuse me while I laugh hystertically for the next half-hour. This fucker has become the very definition of a "good-old-boy" with a "corporate lobbyist mentality."

Joshua Norton November 3, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Suuuure. They all want to be Jesus, but none of them want to go through what he went through to end up as Jesus.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 9:22 pm

What, debate the Republican Pharisees? Make regular speeches around his country?

DustBowlBlues November 3, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Hang out with the 99%?

rocktonsam November 3, 2011 at 9:22 pm

think about how different the world would be if Bush Jr. would have been this stupid this early.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner November 3, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Did he get some work done, or a new haircut or something? Something looks different about his face in the last few weeks.

//he looks tired

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 10:44 pm

The alien spaceship just needs to back up to his bedroom window and recharge him.

Mahousu November 3, 2011 at 9:33 pm

At least according to some denominations, you can administer a valid baptism simply by licking your finger, touching the candidate's forehead, and saying the appropriate formula – that's enough water to do it.

I'd agree Rick Perry is like this sort of holy water – that is, he's worth about as much as a drop of warm spit.

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm

“It is so dry in Texas that the Baptists are sprinkling and the Methodists are using just a damp cloth.”

In more recent years, the joke has changed to have a new ending such as “the Methodists are spitting, and the Catholics are giving rain checks", so I guess Ricky is a Methodist.

user-of-owls November 3, 2011 at 9:52 pm

I pretty much lost all my fear of holy water back when I was an altar boy and saw the priest filling a plastic milk container labeled "Holy Water" from the tap. Satan's a real pussy.

p.s. You know those whole "Body of Christ" communion wafers? They're shipped in grubby little cardboard boxes from some Chicago industrial warehouse. Wrapped in plastic and tasting like it too.

fuflans November 3, 2011 at 10:02 pm

pink tie!

raygotaway November 3, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I just wanna see Rick talk about balls in chaps.

Walkinwiddaking November 3, 2011 at 10:06 pm

"The corporate tax lawyers in Washington D.C., they hate me the way, you know, the devil hates holy water,” . That should seal up the vote with the Pat Robertson rubes.

DaSandman November 3, 2011 at 10:08 pm

He's like a reptile right?

ttommyunger November 3, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Don't know about Jesus, but Samson comes to mind; he killed a shitload of Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Little Eagle Scout Ricky is killing his chances for the Nomination with the very same weapon.

ThundercatHo November 3, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Ooooh, nice one.

ttommyunger November 3, 2011 at 11:35 pm

One of the few nice things about being an old is that you can use old lines and youngsters will be impressed only because they haven't heard them before….but thanks.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

Now take Rick Perry….. Please!

ttommyunger November 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

You kill, Henny, you kill!

owhatever November 3, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Sean and Rick, the axle grease twins.

x111e7thst November 3, 2011 at 10:25 pm

it's not a real gay hillbilly courtship ritual until Perry hears " I bet you can squeal like a pig Rickey, Weeeeeeee!" or at the very least "Blow me and tell me the flavor bitch".

subsum November 3, 2011 at 10:32 pm

I'm not watching Sean Hannity. I don't care who's being interviewed.

Slim_Pickins November 3, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Is it too late to give Texas back to Mexico? That would solve a lot of problems. De-annex Texas!

valgal2342 November 3, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Perry is hitting the bottle no doubt about it.

snackypants November 3, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Why are they sitting in an abandoned barn with all the discarded farm equipment and corncobs on the ground?

unclejeems November 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Too bad there ain't no water left in Tay-hass for Rick to walk on.

fartknocker November 4, 2011 at 2:55 am

As a Native Texan I apologize to the US for Rick Perry. However, most of my people didn't invent him – it was the Teadickistanians from Teadickistan near Afhganistan. I apologize from the bottom of my UN heart as an American and Austin, Texan for Rick Perry.

I could close this snark with fuck Teadickistain but rather I will say "Really Rick – Do you Think America is that Stupid?" Answer: Yes some electorate are that stupid.

Isyaignert November 4, 2011 at 3:03 am

Rick – we hate you the way we hate all poser idiots who want to rule Amerika to ruin.
I said GOOD DAY sir! And please, fuk off too, because you're a fukkin' idiot and what's worse is that you're a fukkin' fool and you want to take the rest of us (400+M souls) down with you! Not gonna do it. I said GOOD DAY!!

WunkRocker November 4, 2011 at 7:57 am

Get on the cross, we really don't need the wood.

Redhead November 4, 2011 at 8:10 am

To be fair, Jesus drank a lot of wine with his disciples before giving speeches to them, so there is THAT similarity.

Tommy1733 November 4, 2011 at 9:09 am

I am really interested to learn more about this program to train drone pilots. Train. Drone. Pilots. Those planes that, um, don't actually have pilots. How will we train them?

johnnymeatworth November 4, 2011 at 9:13 am

"Rick Perry Says He's A Jew." Campaign over.

prommie November 4, 2011 at 9:48 am

Its Governor LePetomaine!

randomsausage November 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm

The rednecks will never go for it. And then again they might. Those little devils… they love toys!

bebecca2298 November 4, 2011 at 10:37 am

Is his hair getting more plastic-looking? It looks just like some wigs my sister and I got as a Christmas present when we were kids. They were plastic, hard plastic and shiny.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 10:43 am

So does this mean Perry is going to vanish from recorded history for an eighteen-year span? Excellent! When does it start?

DaRooster November 4, 2011 at 10:46 am

In that screen shot… he looks like… Reagan.

crybabyboehner November 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Yessiree, ol' Rick is all the time telling lobbyists to take a hike …

as in, get yer ass back there to the fridge on this here corporate jet and bring me a Dr. Pepper!

EBGrey November 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

The phrase "good-old-boy mentality" is best not used when uttered by a man with a heavy Texas accent.

Thedongsofwar November 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

"Building a large, double electric fence is expensive and excessive. We need to deploy soldiers and use remote weaponized aircraft instead"

randomsausage November 4, 2011 at 5:39 pm

The only thing vaguely Jesus-like about him is that he like hanging out with dudes

ttommyunger November 4, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Or Deadman?

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 3:30 am

…and Waco with its, well, everything sad and evil.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

And miracle manna, too!

Blatant fraud … but it's Christian mail fraud, so it's tolerated. Dumbya and the bible-humpers he put in charge of the DOJ wouldn't think of touching this con artist, and Obama's DOJ is probably afraid of the shitstorm they'd stir up among the Xtards.

comrad_darkness November 4, 2011 at 10:26 am

Wasn't there a movie starring chevy chase about this guy?

Yeah, I have IMDB, but that'd take all the fun out of it.

Chichikovovich November 4, 2011 at 11:14 am

I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I hate to see (mostly) poor, (exceptionlessly) stupid people taken advantage of. On the other, the money they use to buy miracle water and manna would otherwise be donated to Santorum or Bachmann. So at least it's being spent on garages full of garish big cars and industrial size tubs of makeup for Mrs. Popoff, instead of doing real damage.

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