usually it's just a metaphor

Elderly Iowa Candidate Caught Trying to Prostitute Himself

At least he has the 'politicians are whores' part right about running for office.Cocktober, you left us too quickly! So what is this now, “Nov-member?” Hm. We will have to work on the name. Meanwhile, here is the month’s inaugural illicit political sex story: Ben Clifford Dawson, smiling here like a wicked little minx, is an 83-year-old Centerville, Iowa city council candidate who was arrested for prostitution after allegedly offering up his wobbly ol’ haunches to a lady in lieu of a payment she owed him for a loan. In other words, about a “6″ on the political sex scandal meter, with points deducted for “dude on lady” but special extra credit added back in for “senior citizen gigolo.”

Dawson for his part is going with the “durn tricky women ‘n their devil wiles” defense, except much like in Herman Cain’s case, there’s annoyingly not just one woman who has accused him of this gross stuff. WOMEN, THEY ARE A CONSPIRACY.

From ABC News:

Ben Clifford Dawson, 83, is running unopposed for a city council seat in the Nov. 8 election in the small town of Centerville, Iowa.

“We had three previous reports of activity like this on him in years past,” said Tom Demry, Centerville police chief.  “This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

Dawson, who Demry said is well-known in the town where “everyone knows everyone,” told ABCNews.com that the charges were all a lie perpetrated by the alleged victim who owed him money.

Eh, screw City Council. This guy should be running for Senate. [ABC News]

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247 comments

  1. Plowmon

    Around here it's known as 'swapping out', pretty common now everyone is late with the rent money…

      1. MissTaken

        I've been trying to figure out where I've seen him before, you are absolutely right! I always knew something sexy was stashed in that Walmart bag.

    1. GOPCrusher

      As someone who lives in Iowa, I only wish that statement was true. Some of the things that go on there, even people from Missouri say "WTF?"

    1. DahBoner

      Have you ever driven the back roads in Iowa?

      They got a bunch of cock hiding in the grass next to the road….

        1. DahBoner

          Probably not.

          Not enough blacks in Iowa.

          A friend told me that Europeans have a smaller average dick size than Americans because African-Americans bring the average up….

  2. ThundercatHo

    This picture illustrates why they use guys like Mitt Romney in all those cock-hardening Rx ads.

    1. NotYerGaryBusey

      Oh Cocktober, you came too late and left too soon. Though, you certainly made up for your brevity with the absolute faceload of fun you left behind!

  3. mrpuma2u

    Now we know what happened to Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute, he changed his name, left Davenport and moved to Centerville. Hey don't dis old dude, what he lacks in charm or any actual charisma he makes up for in experience.

      1. SorosBot

        And she wouldn't let him! But look at that old man; what woman wouldn't want to fuck him for a reduction in her debt?

    1. Callyson

      …making this terrific news for comedians, not to mention Wonketteers. Can't wait to hear what this guy does next…

  4. Allmighty_Manos

    Hate to piss on people's parade but the story does sound like bullshit. Lady owed him and his wife a lot of money she couldn't pay. He threatens to take her to court and then all of a sudden, he's a ho. Please.

    1. HistoriCat

      Maybe but –

      “We had three previous reports of activity like this on him in years past,” said Tom Demry, Centerville police chief. “This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

      This doesn't look like a completely isolated incident.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Yeah, it'd be nice to hear a bit more solid evidence, ideally a tape recording. But if, as the police indicate, there have been previous accusations (independent? or people who know one another well?) that makes it a bit more likely.

    3. Nostrildamus

      The police noted a pattern of activity over several years, but said this is the first time they had enough evidence to bring charges. That evidence wasn't detailed in the story, but presumably is more than just "he said, she said".

  5. SheriffRoscoe

    I wonder if he can eat corn off the cob with his toothless gums. Just sumpin' the ladies might wish to consider.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    When my recently widowed granddad moved in with me, I asked him if maybe he wanted to go hang out at the local senior's center. He responded in the negative (he was 80 at the time) and told me that those place were full of "old bags looking for another husband; I've already buried two wives, and my pencil doesn't have any lead left in it anyway." Not a problem for this guy obviously, must be that invigorating country life.

    1. EatsBabyDingos

      "Green Acres is the life for me
      Spermatazoa earnin' scratch for me
      I may be dag nab 83
      But you can blow me for just $23"

      1. jus_wonderin

        "New York is where I'd rather stay,
        I get allergic smelling Ben Gay,
        I just abhor the thought of you,
        Dah-ling I'd fuck you but it would cost you Park Avenue."

    1. finallyhappy

      I understood from a friend's father(retired to Florida)that with the advent of Viagra and Cialis , old guys in Florida were using hookers, getting STDs and bringing them(the STDS) back to their "lady friends" at many senior living facillities in that state. My friend's dad assured me he didn't do that stuff(yea, his wife was still tough and would cure an STD by killing him)

  7. OurHoboSenator

    I don't understand why this is news. Chuck Grassley has been prostituting himself for years.

  8. Sue4466

    Not to nitpick, but to nitpick: if he's letting her pay off money she owes with sex, she's the prostitute cause he's paying for the sex.

    But either way, EW.

      1. Sue4466

        Glad to help. I was thinking, man, she had to pay him what she owed and fuck him? What is he, Bank of America?

    1. chicken_thief

      Musta' cornfused the cops, too. From the article it took them 10 days to conduct the investigation.

      1. deelzebub

        Got to keep them warm or the sperm stop swimming. How else could he hope to have one of those horrifying Larry King or Rod Stewart kids that should be grand or great grandkids?

        1. Rotundo_

          Not so much, part of the "brilliance" of the design is cooling provided by the dangle. Tighty Whities are one cause of low sperm counts and motility. This much being said, considering how far this old goat's sack probably hangs down, they probably do get a little cooler than nature intends. Besides which, given what his circulation is like, they're probably black as eight balls and due to fall off most any time.

        2. DahBoner

          Willy Nelson had a kid well into his sixties and Lukas turned out OK.

          Saw him play a couple years ago. Great blues player, humble, well-adjusted….

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Manscaping can get a little tricky when 80+ years of gravitational pull makes your balls hang to your knees.

  9. DahBoner

    allegedly offering up his wobbly ol’ haunches to a lady in lieu of a payment she owed him for a loan

    HEY BABY–WANNA SEE MY FLAT TAX?

    IT'S FLAT, JUST LIKE THE EARTH…

  10. chicken_thief

    **She owed him $6500 which he offered to let her repay in sex acts. **

    If he'd have suggested 65 acts instead of 6,500 he might be getting his ashes hauled as we speak.

  11. MissTaken

    The economy has really gone to shit when we no longer measure our hookers in Whore Diamonds, but in Whore Depends

      1. OccupytheDashboard

        Right with the rest of us, thank goodness. The major downside is that hell only has dialup.

  12. Preacher_Griz

    Seems to me if the lady owed him some money, this is the least she could do. I didn't realize Soeterro outlawed that too. We've become the Nanny State our Founders most hoped not to become.

  13. meatlofer

    The old Iowan women says,"Wow that ear of corn reminds me of my husband's cock" and the other women says."Wow it's that BIG!" "No!" says the first old lady," It's that dirty"

          1. deelzebub

            I was thinking more of herpes. You know, the gift that keeps giving that you never wanted in the first place.

  14. Blueb4sunrise

    This is also George Papandreou's alternative to holding a referendum on a bailout of Greece.

  15. Callyson

    Drew allegedly owed Dawson $6,500, an amount she had slowly racked up over the past few years by requesting money “to visit her sick mom” or to “get new tires,” Dawson said.
    I know I'd be insulted if this guy thought that was enough to get me to do him…

  16. ManchuCandidate

    Just a gigolo
    everywhere I go
    people know the part
    I'm playing

    Paid for every pill
    popping each Viagra
    every night some old man
    humping

    There will come a day
    Cries of eeewwww! come my way
    then what will they say
    about me

    When the end comes I know
    they'll say just a gigolo
    as life goes on
    without me

  17. Gleem_McShineys

    "We had three previous reports of activity like this on him in years past,” said Tom Demry, Centerville police chief. “This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

    Talk about Toxic Investments. I wonder whether Goldman Sachs has this kind of Credit Default Swap in their investment portfolios?

    1. hagajim

      Three reports and they finally got enough evidence…who is running the police station there – Barney Fife?

  18. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Absolute power corrupts absolutely — clearly a position on the Centreville city council just went to this guy's head.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Though perhaps in the version set in Centreville, Iowa, with Wilford Brimley playing MacBeth/Ben Dawson it won't exactly be his head that is lopped off.

    1. tessiee

      Once he owns Centerville, Iowa, he can take on the Photoshopping terrorists who run Medford, New Jersey.

  19. SheriffRoscoe

    Awww, guys…..he seems like a nice enough feller. Let's not make him the butt of our jokes. Okay, maybe a few more.

  20. YasserArraFeck

    "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"……except I don't think Hoverrounds have dashboards…do they?

      1. Limeylizzie

        I love “Bless his heart” said with a wee touch of malice, it's always effective, is that a Southern thing?

        1. HistoriCat

          I'm pretty sure it is. One of the native-born Southern Wonketteriat will have to confirm it though.

          1. emmelemm

            I think it's both a Southern thing and a gay thing, as the gays love their cattyness. My beloved Northern gays use that phrase plenty.

        2. fuflans

          mr fuflans confirms this. he is a southerner. while he is a very nice southerner, his sisters are not. they remained in they south, they use this term all the time and they almost never mean well by it.

          (he is on the phone with his family as i type and – bless his heart – all those drawls and homespun phrases are just plain pouring out of his mouth.)

    1. chicken_thief

      She didn't DENY it. So I guess the only reasonable conclusion is that Liz is, in fact, doing the dirty deed for money.

      Times are rough….

    2. Chichikovovich

      [Guy says he's been unemployed for a long time, then shouts insults including "socialist whore" at Elizabeth Warren.]

      Warren's response is just one more reason why I love the woman:

      After the meeting, the candidate told The Huffington Post that she “actually felt sorry for the guy.”
      “He’s been out of work now for a year and a half. And bless his heart, I mean, he thought somehow it would help to come here and yell names.”

      1. Rotundo_

        Doesn't that mean that since the government owns the means of production, that the government would be a pimp? Now that's a job for a republican if ever there was one.

    3. HarryButtle

      I read this earlier and you know, despite my long-time pacifist creds, I very much want to punch this stupid fuck right in the face.

    4. DahBoner

      What the hell is a "socialist" whore, as opposed to a "capatalistic" whore?

      Do they whore for the good of the people accepting only toilet paper as payment in kind?

      On the other hand, if "socialistic" whores look like Russian whores, I'm in…

    5. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Scott Brown is already up for reelection replacement?
      The GOP's owners must be freaking out – a Mass. contest is a test of whether or not the voters who sent teabaggers to Congress are fed up with Republican fucktardedness.

  21. FakaktaSouth

    Maybe I am confused or just a horrible person, but, is the problem that he offered to pay for something she wanted if she would do him? And this is bad/different from dating, how? I don't get it. She borrowed money she cdn't pay back and he offered a solution – did he threaten her with something besides an 83yr old pecker?

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Oh god, was he her cousin? Or do you think we got a buncha old dudes willing to help pay off my mortgage? You think I'd bitch about stuff so much if'n we did? I'm kidding…he's too old for me right now. ANYway, I'm not saying she should have done this old man, I'm just saying it's not a shock that a guy has found another way to try and get laid. Apparently more than once, so maybe it had worked at some point. I thought this stuff happened a lot.

        1. ttommyunger

          Don't backtrack, Fak. I'm wit you, sex is just not that big a deal-between friends-or lenders. Anyway, how long could it last? He didn't look like he was in great shape.

    1. Negropolis

      I mean, you know that you can't pay for stuff in sex, legally, and you sure as hell can't solicit for it, right?

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Yes. Whatever. Everybody's offended and it ain't even something to joke about. I get it. I get it. But this is the first time I've had a bunch of dudes tell me I was insensitive to the plight of women from dirty old men. My bad, my bad.

        1. Negropolis

          I think you're reading this wrong. I don't know anyone who has said or implied that they are offended. You asked a tongue-in-cheek legal question with a hint of seriousness, and everyone gave you an honest answer, some with a bit of snark.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Oh, (you have a very hard name to make into a nickname, so I will just call you darling. Or sir. Whichevs.) Anywho, I am just whining, because I'm a girl. But check out Chet's other posts. My man is PISSED about this – which of course only truly makes him the more admirable in my loving eyes…butcha gotta admit, it's a teensy bit funny that I'm the one blowing it all off (haha I am so funny) and the dudes here are ass kickers. I kinda love it today.

          2. Negropolis

            You must get out of Alabama, now!

            I'm not sure how you got out of that that he is PISSED (I actually thought it was clever snark), but even if he was you must put it into context since he's always pissed. :)

          3. FakaktaSouth

            Nooooooooooo OTHER posts – not that one. I am totally down with how ever he talks to me. I'm talking about the ones down there where he is upset about the way this is reported and whatnot. No, I promise, telling me I need to get out of here is sweet talk. I'm on his side, trust me. I love me some pissed Chet. It's good stuff.

  22. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "“This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

    I don't want to know what it was that finally constituted "enough".

  23. Generation[redacted]

    Okay, move along folks. Nothing to see here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs on the bed.

  24. flamingpdog

    Kirsten, Cocktober is OVER! How 'bout some sleazy stories from the distaff side, for Nomember?

    1. Chichikovovich

      Not a legal expert, especially not about Iowa, but I'd guess it would be something like solicitation of prostitution. Or maybe it is just a violation of Iowa Criminal Code Section IV a) 5.3 and 5.3.1:

      5.3 It is a misdemeanor, punishable by imprisonment and/or fines, to solicit the act of ….. Euugh! that's disgusting.

      5.3.1 Gawd, just look at that wrinkly old perv. I won't be able to do my domestic duty with the wife for a week.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        The article says he was arrested on "a prostitution charge and a charge of intent to commit sexual abuse", which makes more sense; being charged with pimping would be "a prostitution charge," and coercing unwanted sex with a debt is certainly sexual abuse.

  25. coolhandnuke

    The victim could not remember the perp's face, but said she had clear and total recall of his nutsack. The Centerville Police put together a police line-up comprised of Yogi Berra's old catchers mitt, a 12 pound bag of walnuts and a photo of Spiro T. Agnew.

    1. OccupytheDashboard

      "how she measures up to other powerful women such as Cleopatra, Jacqueline Kennedy, Margaret Thatcher, Eva Peron and Madonna by donning outfits inspired by them."

      What? No Mother Theresa?

  26. OccupytheDashboard

    Well, this pegged pretty high on the ewww scale, but look at his picture. He expression is all, "fuck you, I'm 83…what are gonna do to me?)

    Octogenarian does not give a shit.

  27. Lazy Media

    Wait, he's GETTING sex and PAYING money (by forgiving a loan), not prostituting himself. He's just a wannabe john. Journamalism is stupid.

  28. MiniMencken

    The Centerville police chief, Tom Demry, has just announced he is adding a new charge to the complaint, assault with a dead weapon.

  29. tessiee

    "Cocktober, you left us too quickly! So what is this now, “Nov-member?” Hm. We will have to work on the name."

    I thought it was Blow-vember.

  30. Negropolis

    Oh, I see he's going with "The bitch set me up!" defense.

    Marion Shepilov Barry Libel!

    Honestly, he should have just agreed to be paid in chickens. That's the Nevada model, at least.

  31. ttommyunger

    This old turd's expression is just too smug. I'll bet he's gotten a shitload of pussy that way for years.

Comments are closed.