USUALLY IT'S JUST A METAPHOR  3:53 pm November 3, 2011

Elderly Iowa Candidate Caught Trying to Prostitute Himself

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

At least he has the 'politicians are whores' part right about running for office.Cocktober, you left us too quickly! So what is this now, “Nov-member?” Hm. We will have to work on the name. Meanwhile, here is the month’s inaugural illicit political sex story: Ben Clifford Dawson, smiling here like a wicked little minx, is an 83-year-old Centerville, Iowa city council candidate who was arrested for prostitution after allegedly offering up his wobbly ol’ haunches to a lady in lieu of a payment she owed him for a loan. In other words, about a “6″ on the political sex scandal meter, with points deducted for “dude on lady” but special extra credit added back in for “senior citizen gigolo.”

Dawson for his part is going with the “durn tricky women ‘n their devil wiles” defense, except much like in Herman Cain’s case, there’s annoyingly not just one woman who has accused him of this gross stuff. WOMEN, THEY ARE A CONSPIRACY.

From ABC News:

Ben Clifford Dawson, 83, is running unopposed for a city council seat in the Nov. 8 election in the small town of Centerville, Iowa.

“We had three previous reports of activity like this on him in years past,” said Tom Demry, Centerville police chief.  “This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

Dawson, who Demry said is well-known in the town where “everyone knows everyone,” told ABCNews.com that the charges were all a lie perpetrated by the alleged victim who owed him money.

Eh, screw City Council. This guy should be running for Senate. [ABC News]

 
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{ 247 comments }

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Who knows, maybe he's got a baby's arm holding an apple.

HogeyeGrex November 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Possibly, but I suspect that in his case it would be in the barn or the freezer.

Gleem_McShineys November 3, 2011 at 4:22 pm

TOO BIG TO FAIL

Fare la Volpe November 3, 2011 at 4:32 pm

And after you see that, you should see his penis.

Not_So_Much November 3, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Maybe, but at age 83 it's probably boneless.

ShitFilledExistence November 3, 2011 at 5:15 pm

…and prunelike.

SpiderCrab November 3, 2011 at 5:21 pm

The most memorable thing ever said by Lenny Bruce.

TitsOccupado November 3, 2011 at 6:01 pm

And co-opted by The Tubes.

Ohforcripessake November 3, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Oh thanks for that imagery !!1! :-p

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 3:25 am

Not unless it's one of those Lady apples, dood.

Plowmon November 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Around here it's known as 'swapping out', pretty common now everyone is late with the rent money…

Barb November 3, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I wonder if they let him put his Depends back on before booking him?

McRibzgood November 3, 2011 at 2:56 pm

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I mean look at him.. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

horsedreamer_1 November 3, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Not a fan of LemonParty.com, I see.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 3:26 am

Srsly. That's what I call a TWO-bagger. Put two brown paper sacks over his wrinkly ol' haid before you get busy.

nounverb911 November 3, 2011 at 2:56 pm

The only thing he's sorry about is getting caught.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 4:13 pm

He looks like that Walmart plastic bag greeter, hmmm….

MissTaken November 3, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I've been trying to figure out where I've seen him before, you are absolutely right! I always knew something sexy was stashed in that Walmart bag.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 3, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I have a feeling the soliciteed would have regretted it more. I mean, he'd probably have to take a nap in the middle of it, fercryin'outloud.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:10 am

And he's sorry if it offended the woman for any reason, also.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 3:29 am

He's sorry she's such a mass of sensitive fifis that she got offended, that is.

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Dude should have got her to put out before he lent her the money.

Herring_Burnit November 7, 2011 at 3:29 am

She wouldn'ta borrowed it on those terms.

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Centerville, Iowa, also known as Bartertown.

Lucidamente1 November 3, 2011 at 3:57 pm

What happens in Centerville, Iowa stays in Centerville, Iowa.

chicken_thief November 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Until today….

Biel_ze_Bubba November 3, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I wish!

GOPCrusher November 3, 2011 at 5:48 pm

As someone who lives in Iowa, I only wish that statement was true. Some of the things that go on there, even people from Missouri say "WTF?"

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:12 am

"Don't show me that!"

Sincerely,
The Show-Me State

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm

But she bought a house over in Mystic.

You just can't trust them new age koo koos over there…

RadioOcupados November 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Just another blatant attack on a conservative oldz by the librul media.

mannacler November 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I'll bet Fox put a D by his name.

Mumbletypeg November 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Imagine if our elected ruminants did actually include moar "wicked little minks" in the mix — instead of filthy weasels like Dawson?

nounverb911 November 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Cain's found his perfect running mate.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I blame Karl Rove for this, too.

inapewetrust November 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm

well, he's got the making-bad-loans part down, but i guess he misunderstood exactly how the debtors subsequently get screwed.

Mondo_Cane November 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Dad?…

Lucidamente1 November 3, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Mom?

4TheTurnstiles November 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Iowa ditchweed makes a man limber. Pass the Fritos, Leda!

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Have you ever driven the back roads in Iowa?

They got a bunch of cock hiding in the grass next to the road….

GOPCrusher November 3, 2011 at 5:49 pm

That's why the state motto is "Iowa: Big Cock Country"

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Probably not.

Not enough blacks in Iowa.

A friend told me that Europeans have a smaller average dick size than Americans because African-Americans bring the average up….

ThundercatHo November 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm

This picture illustrates why they use guys like Mitt Romney in all those cock-hardening Rx ads.

GuanoFaucet November 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm

It's Blowvember, yay!

NotYerGaryBusey November 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Oh Cocktober, you came too late and left too soon. Though, you certainly made up for your brevity with the absolute faceload of fun you left behind!

mrpuma2u November 3, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Now we know what happened to Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute, he changed his name, left Davenport and moved to Centerville. Hey don't dis old dude, what he lacks in charm or any actual charisma he makes up for in experience.

Uniprober November 3, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Very obscure Dan Akyroyd reference. Thanks.

emmelemm November 3, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Not that obscure! And always welcome.

trondant November 3, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Sock suspenders make the man.

mrpuma2u November 3, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Don't forget the trusses!

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 6:21 pm

And old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

Swampgas_Man November 3, 2011 at 10:23 pm

And bonerz, apparently.

Grief_Lessons November 3, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Historically, it has been Blow-vember. Never Forget.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm

She comes up to here on me…

//flat hand level with crotch

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 10:25 pm

She cums up to here on me…

//fixed

SorosBot November 3, 2011 at 4:00 pm

This is great news for his opponent!

Wait, he's running unopposed and will get in anyway? Um…

MissTaken November 3, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Well, he tried to get in. Wocka wocka!

LesPaultard November 3, 2011 at 4:09 pm

If he had only waited until Tuesday…..it would have been a much better scandal.

SorosBot November 3, 2011 at 4:56 pm

And she wouldn't let him! But look at that old man; what woman wouldn't want to fuck him for a reduction in her debt?

MissTaken November 4, 2011 at 3:33 pm

This one.

Callyson November 3, 2011 at 4:21 pm

…making this terrific news for comedians, not to mention Wonketteers. Can't wait to hear what this guy does next…

Wilcoxyz November 3, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Well, I guess we all know how to get a parking ticket fixed in Centerville.

HogeyeGrex November 3, 2011 at 4:08 pm

What's a guy got to do to get a drink in this bar, anyway?…

Allmighty_Manos November 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Hate to piss on people's parade but the story does sound like bullshit. Lady owed him and his wife a lot of money she couldn't pay. He threatens to take her to court and then all of a sudden, he's a ho. Please.

HistoriCat November 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Maybe but –

“We had three previous reports of activity like this on him in years past,” said Tom Demry, Centerville police chief. “This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

This doesn't look like a completely isolated incident.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Sounds like he's a Ranlord.

Roh oh….

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Yeah, it'd be nice to hear a bit more solid evidence, ideally a tape recording. But if, as the police indicate, there have been previous accusations (independent? or people who know one another well?) that makes it a bit more likely.

Spurning Beer November 3, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Yes, I like my evidence hard.

Nostrildamus November 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm

The police noted a pattern of activity over several years, but said this is the first time they had enough evidence to bring charges. That evidence wasn't detailed in the story, but presumably is more than just "he said, she said".

Fare la Volpe November 3, 2011 at 4:42 pm

When has a little thing like "the truth" ever been a requirement for snark?

Come here a minute November 3, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Yes, this is the point.

SheriffRoscoe November 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I wonder if he can eat corn off the cob with his toothless gums. Just sumpin' the ladies might wish to consider.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm

You's about the same height as my wife of 43 years….

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm

When my recently widowed granddad moved in with me, I asked him if maybe he wanted to go hang out at the local senior's center. He responded in the negative (he was 80 at the time) and told me that those place were full of "old bags looking for another husband; I've already buried two wives, and my pencil doesn't have any lead left in it anyway." Not a problem for this guy obviously, must be that invigorating country life.

LesPaultard November 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Or Cialis.

EatsBabyDingos November 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm

"Green Acres is the life for me
Spermatazoa earnin' scratch for me
I may be dag nab 83
But you can blow me for just $23"

jus_wonderin November 3, 2011 at 5:24 pm

"New York is where I'd rather stay,
I get allergic smelling Ben Gay,
I just abhor the thought of you,
Dah-ling I'd fuck you but it would cost you Park Avenue."

mavenmaven November 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I'm impressed that an 83 year old scary looking dude can still get it on!

SorosBot November 3, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Curse you, Viagra!

finallyhappy November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I understood from a friend's father(retired to Florida)that with the advent of Viagra and Cialis , old guys in Florida were using hookers, getting STDs and bringing them(the STDS) back to their "lady friends" at many senior living facillities in that state. My friend's dad assured me he didn't do that stuff(yea, his wife was still tough and would cure an STD by killing him)

Spurning Beer November 3, 2011 at 6:42 pm

The area around The Villages (Disneyworld crossed with retirement community) is said to have one of the highest rates of STDs in Florida.

GuanoFaucet November 3, 2011 at 4:03 pm

My Own Private Iowa.

Wilcoxyz November 3, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Occupy Centerville is gonna be a lot of fun. Also.

Schmannnity November 3, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Is that a load in your pants or are you happy to see her?

EatsBabyDingos November 3, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Or a colostomy bag?

Schmannnity November 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm

From mile high club to hoveround club.

OurHoboSenator November 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I don't understand why this is news. Chuck Grassley has been prostituting himself for years.

hagajim November 3, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Yeah…but he's been taking it in the pooper from ADM.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 10:29 pm

ZING!

Sue4466 November 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Not to nitpick, but to nitpick: if he's letting her pay off money she owes with sex, she's the prostitute cause he's paying for the sex.

But either way, EW.

SheriffRoscoe November 3, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Thanks for the clarity. For some reason I was having trouble wrapping my brain around this.

emmelemm November 3, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Yeah, I was confuzzled myself.

Doesn't matter though: The takeaway is EWWWW GROSSSS EWWWWWWW

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Yeah, I was thinking "Isn't that solicitation of prostitution?"

Sue4466 November 3, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Glad to help. I was thinking, man, she had to pay him what she owed and fuck him? What is he, Bank of America?

Crank_Tango November 3, 2011 at 4:27 pm

yes. fucking prostitution, how does it work?

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Uh… dick goes in, dick goes out?

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 5:44 pm

and no one, not even Bill O'Reilly, knows why.

chicken_thief November 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Musta' cornfused the cops, too. From the article it took them 10 days to conduct the investigation.

deelzebub November 3, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Old balls…gross.

Not_So_Much November 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Nah, those are tucked in his tube-socks (one on each side).

deelzebub November 3, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Got to keep them warm or the sperm stop swimming. How else could he hope to have one of those horrifying Larry King or Rod Stewart kids that should be grand or great grandkids?

Rotundo_ November 3, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Not so much, part of the "brilliance" of the design is cooling provided by the dangle. Tighty Whities are one cause of low sperm counts and motility. This much being said, considering how far this old goat's sack probably hangs down, they probably do get a little cooler than nature intends. Besides which, given what his circulation is like, they're probably black as eight balls and due to fall off most any time.

yyyaz November 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Thank you SOOOO much for that image. ERp.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Willy Nelson had a kid well into his sixties and Lukas turned out OK.

Saw him play a couple years ago. Great blues player, humble, well-adjusted….

lefty74 November 3, 2011 at 4:07 pm

He broke up with his last 80 year old lady friend. She didn't want to keep it trimmed up for him.

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Manscaping can get a little tricky when 80+ years of gravitational pull makes your balls hang to your knees.

BornInATrailer November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I'd think that would make the manscaping easier.

Fare la Volpe November 3, 2011 at 4:40 pm

It's easier to mow a lawn than a golf course.

ShitFilledExistence November 3, 2011 at 4:07 pm

"…Arrest is Trick by Woman"
That woman is your trick..

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm

allegedly offering up his wobbly ol’ haunches to a lady in lieu of a payment she owed him for a loan

HEY BABY–WANNA SEE MY FLAT TAX?

IT'S FLAT, JUST LIKE THE EARTH…

chicken_thief November 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm

**She owed him $6500 which he offered to let her repay in sex acts. **

If he'd have suggested 65 acts instead of 6,500 he might be getting his ashes hauled as we speak.

MissTaken November 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm

The economy has really gone to shit when we no longer measure our hookers in Whore Diamonds, but in Whore Depends

Rotundo_ November 3, 2011 at 6:42 pm

There's a new selling point for them-No more wet spots to argue over…

SheriffRoscoe November 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm

She shouldn't have told him she had acute angina.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 3, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Yer going to hell, Roscoe.
~

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Right with the rest of us, thank goodness. The major downside is that hell only has dialup.

jus_wonderin November 3, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Nooooooo!!!!!!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:22 am

AOL, and Windows 3.0 — the whole package.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 4:39 pm

HENG????

lefty74 November 3, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Its a good thing she had acute angina, because her tits were sagging 40 long.

SheriffRoscoe November 3, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Ah, you've heard that one before too. I saw my opportunity, and I took it.

bureaucrap November 3, 2011 at 5:20 pm

many many multiple upfists.

Preacher_Griz November 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Seems to me if the lady owed him some money, this is the least she could do. I didn't realize Soeterro outlawed that too. We've become the Nanny State our Founders most hoped not to become.

Fare la Volpe November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Certainly not Benny "Bring on the Whores" Franklin.

Pragmatist2 November 3, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Hold it !!!!!!
Dod she say "yes"????
The story doesn't say.

meatlofer November 3, 2011 at 4:14 pm

The old Iowan women says,"Wow that ear of corn reminds me of my husband's cock" and the other women says."Wow it's that BIG!" "No!" says the first old lady," It's that dirty"

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

And yellow and bumpy?

deelzebub November 3, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Bumpy is never a good sign on a cock.

jqheywood November 3, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Unless its ribbed for your pleasure….

deelzebub November 3, 2011 at 6:07 pm

I was thinking more of herpes. You know, the gift that keeps giving that you never wanted in the first place.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm

And you have to shuck it first to get the hairs out?

Blueb4sunrise November 3, 2011 at 4:15 pm

This is also George Papandreou's alternative to holding a referendum on a bailout of Greece.

horsedreamer_1 November 3, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Hot sex with Angela Merkel? Hope George is into scat.

IncenseDebate November 3, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Cold shriveled member libel.

DerrickWildcat November 3, 2011 at 4:16 pm

But he's a pretty good Great Grandpa.

ShitFilledExistence November 3, 2011 at 4:17 pm

His grandkids think he's an ATM!

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 4:18 pm

World's Greatest, at least according to his coffee mug.

chicken_thief November 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Maybe not so much if you are his great granddaughter-in-law who owes him money.

Callyson November 3, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Drew allegedly owed Dawson $6,500, an amount she had slowly racked up over the past few years by requesting money “to visit her sick mom” or to “get new tires,” Dawson said.
I know I'd be insulted if this guy thought that was enough to get me to do him…

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Huh, huh.

You said "racked up"…

DerrickWildcat November 3, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Ass To Mouth?

EatsBabyDingos November 3, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Why stop at Senate? Elderly Santorum is funny!

IncenseDebate November 3, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Slow and sloppy get the moppy.

BigDumbRedDog November 3, 2011 at 4:21 pm

She must have owed him a LOT of money.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm

She put it all on lay-a-way…

BigDumbRedDog November 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm

This guy makes loansharks look downright reasonable.

ManchuCandidate November 3, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Just a gigolo
everywhere I go
people know the part
I'm playing

Paid for every pill
popping each Viagra
every night some old man
humping

There will come a day
Cries of eeewwww! come my way
then what will they say
about me

When the end comes I know
they'll say just a gigolo
as life goes on
without me

tessiee November 3, 2011 at 9:30 pm

In this guy's case, I think that should be spelled "jiggle low".

Gleem_McShineys November 3, 2011 at 4:25 pm

"We had three previous reports of activity like this on him in years past,” said Tom Demry, Centerville police chief. “This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

Talk about Toxic Investments. I wonder whether Goldman Sachs has this kind of Credit Default Swap in their investment portfolios?

hagajim November 3, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Three reports and they finally got enough evidence…who is running the police station there – Barney Fife?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 3, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Absolute power corrupts absolutely — clearly a position on the Centreville city council just went to this guy's head.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm

The tea-partier's Macbeth.

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 8:56 pm

thanks! now i'm chuckling to myself about this scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gomhWx017Sc

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Though perhaps in the version set in Centreville, Iowa, with Wilford Brimley playing MacBeth/Ben Dawson it won't exactly be his head that is lopped off.

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 9:14 pm

good point. i'm fine with that as long as the removed part still ends up on the business end of a pike and is waved around before a cheering crowd.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4LyaNgzy6U&fe

hagajim November 3, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Must have – given that its still working apparently.

tessiee November 3, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Once he owns Centerville, Iowa, he can take on the Photoshopping terrorists who run Medford, New Jersey.

IncenseDebate November 3, 2011 at 4:30 pm

It will never stand up in court.
Really. It will never stand up anywhere.

SheriffRoscoe November 3, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Awww, guys…..he seems like a nice enough feller. Let's not make him the butt of our jokes. Okay, maybe a few more.

YasserArraFeck November 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

"Paradise by the Dashboard Light"……except I don't think Hoverrounds have dashboards…do they?

BaldarTFlagass November 3, 2011 at 4:32 pm

"Hey, what's that old wrinkled-up thing on Gramma?"
"Oh, it's Grandpa!"

Limeylizzie November 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Talking of whores, this is a delightful little item.
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/11/03/tea-party-s

HistoriCat November 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Keeping it classy. Bless his heart.

Limeylizzie November 3, 2011 at 4:58 pm

I love “Bless his heart” said with a wee touch of malice, it's always effective, is that a Southern thing?

HistoriCat November 3, 2011 at 6:35 pm

I'm pretty sure it is. One of the native-born Southern Wonketteriat will have to confirm it though.

Limeylizzie November 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm

I bet Queeraselvis will know, I can imagine him using that phrase on a regular basis.

fuflans November 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm

mr fuflans confirms this. he is a southerner. while he is a very nice southerner, his sisters are not. they remained in they south, they use this term all the time and they almost never mean well by it.

(he is on the phone with his family as i type and – bless his heart – all those drawls and homespun phrases are just plain pouring out of his mouth.)

chicken_thief November 3, 2011 at 4:38 pm

She didn't DENY it. So I guess the only reasonable conclusion is that Liz is, in fact, doing the dirty deed for money.

Times are rough….

WunkRocker November 3, 2011 at 4:44 pm

What would $6,500 get ya. You know, hypothetically?

chicken_thief November 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Ben Clifford? You got more money to "lend"?

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 4:42 pm

[Guy says he's been unemployed for a long time, then shouts insults including "socialist whore" at Elizabeth Warren.]

Warren's response is just one more reason why I love the woman:

After the meeting, the candidate told The Huffington Post that she “actually felt sorry for the guy.”
“He’s been out of work now for a year and a half. And bless his heart, I mean, he thought somehow it would help to come here and yell names.”

GOPCrusher November 3, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Probably yells at the OWS protesters on his TV screen. "GET A JOB, YOU FILTHY HIPPIES!"

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 10:34 pm

That response is so incredibly awesome.

SorosBot November 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Wait, whores get paid for sex; wouldn't a socialist give it away for free?

Mumbly_Occupado November 3, 2011 at 5:13 pm

I, ah, clearly am friends with the wrong socialists, in that case.

Rotundo_ November 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Doesn't that mean that since the government owns the means of production, that the government would be a pimp? Now that's a job for a republican if ever there was one.

TitsOccupado November 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Why yes, to each according to their needs!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:28 am

"From each according to his abilities" might be the tricky part.

HarryButtle November 3, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I read this earlier and you know, despite my long-time pacifist creds, I very much want to punch this stupid fuck right in the face.

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:23 pm

What the hell is a "socialist" whore, as opposed to a "capatalistic" whore?

Do they whore for the good of the people accepting only toilet paper as payment in kind?

On the other hand, if "socialistic" whores look like Russian whores, I'm in…

mrblifil November 4, 2011 at 12:11 am

So unfair. She can't help that she's a socialist whore, now can she?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:36 am

Scott Brown is already up for reelection replacement?
The GOP's owners must be freaking out – a Mass. contest is a test of whether or not the voters who sent teabaggers to Congress are fed up with Republican fucktardedness.

actor212 November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

@Kristen,

Really? That's the best you could come up with? Nov-member?

Hovember!

ShitFilledExistence November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Ho-vember

actor212 November 3, 2011 at 4:53 pm

You gotta be quicker'n that.

ShitFilledExistence November 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Gah!! Wtf? Where did you come from? Get outta my head!! And stop posting my thoughts thirty seconds before I do!!

FakaktaSouth November 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Maybe I am confused or just a horrible person, but, is the problem that he offered to pay for something she wanted if she would do him? And this is bad/different from dating, how? I don't get it. She borrowed money she cdn't pay back and he offered a solution – did he threaten her with something besides an 83yr old pecker?

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2011 at 4:56 pm

You must get out of Alabama, now!

FakaktaSouth November 3, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Oh god, was he her cousin? Or do you think we got a buncha old dudes willing to help pay off my mortgage? You think I'd bitch about stuff so much if'n we did? I'm kidding…he's too old for me right now. ANYway, I'm not saying she should have done this old man, I'm just saying it's not a shock that a guy has found another way to try and get laid. Apparently more than once, so maybe it had worked at some point. I thought this stuff happened a lot.

ttommyunger November 3, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Don't backtrack, Fak. I'm wit you, sex is just not that big a deal-between friends-or lenders. Anyway, how long could it last? He didn't look like he was in great shape.

Barrelhse November 3, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Assault with a dead weapon.

hagajim November 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Isn't an 83-year old pecker threatening enough?!

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I mean, you know that you can't pay for stuff in sex, legally, and you sure as hell can't solicit for it, right?

FakaktaSouth November 3, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Yes. Whatever. Everybody's offended and it ain't even something to joke about. I get it. I get it. But this is the first time I've had a bunch of dudes tell me I was insensitive to the plight of women from dirty old men. My bad, my bad.

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 3:35 am

I think you're reading this wrong. I don't know anyone who has said or implied that they are offended. You asked a tongue-in-cheek legal question with a hint of seriousness, and everyone gave you an honest answer, some with a bit of snark.

FakaktaSouth November 4, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Oh, (you have a very hard name to make into a nickname, so I will just call you darling. Or sir. Whichevs.) Anywho, I am just whining, because I'm a girl. But check out Chet's other posts. My man is PISSED about this – which of course only truly makes him the more admirable in my loving eyes…butcha gotta admit, it's a teensy bit funny that I'm the one blowing it all off (haha I am so funny) and the dudes here are ass kickers. I kinda love it today.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm

"“This is just the first time we had enough to charge him.”

I don't want to know what it was that finally constituted "enough".

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 8:59 pm

pics or it didn't happen?

Generation[redacted] November 3, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Okay, move along folks. Nothing to see here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs on the bed.

hagajim November 3, 2011 at 6:21 pm

You mean elephant-foreskin rugs I assume.

tessiee November 3, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Futurama FTW!

BklynIlluminati November 3, 2011 at 4:38 pm

great job if you can get the work

iburl November 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Remember, remember the olds of Blowmember.

jqheywood November 3, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Guy Fawkes references are always upfisty!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:42 am

From The Fantasticks.
(Which I think is still playing…)

El Pinche November 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Vaginovember?

flamingpdog November 3, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Kirsten, Cocktober is OVER! How 'bout some sleazy stories from the distaff side, for Nomember?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 4, 2011 at 2:45 am

"No-member" for sure. I think Barb gifted that to us.

coolhandnuke November 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Cocktober–out like a hurricain, Blowvember in like a geriatric humdinger.

ExecutorElassus November 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Wonkette, I think the term you're looking for is "No-means-no!-vember"

owhatever November 3, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Build a Tea Party and they will come.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2011 at 4:52 pm

It's not prostituting YOURSELF if you demand sex from someone. One of you legal experts look up the proper statutory vileness.

Chichikovovich November 3, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Not a legal expert, especially not about Iowa, but I'd guess it would be something like solicitation of prostitution. Or maybe it is just a violation of Iowa Criminal Code Section IV a) 5.3 and 5.3.1:

5.3 It is a misdemeanor, punishable by imprisonment and/or fines, to solicit the act of ….. Euugh! that's disgusting.

5.3.1 Gawd, just look at that wrinkly old perv. I won't be able to do my domestic duty with the wife for a week.

Chet Kincaid November 3, 2011 at 5:04 pm

The article says he was arrested on "a prostitution charge and a charge of intent to commit sexual abuse", which makes more sense; being charged with pimping would be "a prostitution charge," and coercing unwanted sex with a debt is certainly sexual abuse.

Generation[redacted] November 3, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Herman Cain disagrees.

weejee November 3, 2011 at 6:07 pm

And Elizabeth Warren blesses both their wicked hearts.

jus_wonderin November 3, 2011 at 4:54 pm

"Eh, screw City Council."
You know how much that would cost???!!!!11

Nesnora November 3, 2011 at 5:03 pm

THEY TOLD ME GRANDPA DIED IN 1986 OF CANCER, WTF

>:|

Barrelhse November 3, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Bitch set me up.

coolhandnuke November 3, 2011 at 5:12 pm

The victim could not remember the perp's face, but said she had clear and total recall of his nutsack. The Centerville Police put together a police line-up comprised of Yogi Berra's old catchers mitt, a 12 pound bag of walnuts and a photo of Spiro T. Agnew.

Douché November 3, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Crap, I owe him 500 bucks. What is he going to expect from me?

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 9:00 pm

i think for under a thousand he just wants to go down on you.

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Unless you have false teeth…that will cover this AND next months rent.

johnnymeatworth November 3, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Get this man a pizza franchise!

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Just be glad his last name isn't Dover.

weejee November 3, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Like Smith's middle name over at the Drudge 2.0?

Numbat_Dundee November 3, 2011 at 6:01 pm

If he was a Romanian Cabinet Minister, this may have made sense.
http://www.theage.com.au/world/strangebuttrue/boo

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm

"how she measures up to other powerful women such as Cleopatra, Jacqueline Kennedy, Margaret Thatcher, Eva Peron and Madonna by donning outfits inspired by them."

What? No Mother Theresa?

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Well, this pegged pretty high on the ewww scale, but look at his picture. He expression is all, "fuck you, I'm 83…what are gonna do to me?)

Octogenarian does not give a shit.

poncho_pilot November 3, 2011 at 9:01 pm

you said pegged. hehe.

OccupytheDashboard November 3, 2011 at 9:49 pm

I did try to resist

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm

In other words, about a “6″…

That's about average for Americans…

Lazy Media November 3, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Wait, he's GETTING sex and PAYING money (by forgiving a loan), not prostituting himself. He's just a wannabe john. Journamalism is stupid.

Ms_E_Abernathy November 3, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Prostitution–ur doing it wrong.

MiniMencken November 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm

The Centerville police chief, Tom Demry, has just announced he is adding a new charge to the complaint, assault with a dead weapon.

tessiee November 3, 2011 at 9:10 pm

"Cocktober, you left us too quickly! So what is this now, “Nov-member?” Hm. We will have to work on the name."

I thought it was Blow-vember.

mrblifil November 4, 2011 at 12:13 am

I'm going with Knob-vember. Too cute?

tessiee November 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm

I say we chip in and buy ttommyunger a bus ticket to Iowa so he can kick this guy's ass.

ttommyunger November 3, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Actually, an 83 year-old horndog; I'd be more likely to inquire of his diet, etc.

tessiee November 3, 2011 at 9:40 pm

That pervy old shit looks WAY too pleased with himself.

Negropolis November 3, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Oh, I see he's going with "The bitch set me up!" defense.

Marion Shepilov Barry Libel!

Honestly, he should have just agreed to be paid in chickens. That's the Nevada model, at least.

ttommyunger November 3, 2011 at 10:27 pm

This old turd's expression is just too smug. I'll bet he's gotten a shitload of pussy that way for years.

teebob2000 November 4, 2011 at 11:10 am

Looking at this guy, I'd call it NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-vember

DahBoner November 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Ah, the old "consumer protection act"?

Is that what all the young kids are calling it?

emmelemm November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm

I think it's both a Southern thing and a gay thing, as the gays love their cattyness. My beloved Northern gays use that phrase plenty.

Negropolis November 4, 2011 at 7:42 pm

You must get out of Alabama, now!

I'm not sure how you got out of that that he is PISSED (I actually thought it was clever snark), but even if he was you must put it into context since he's always pissed. :)

FakaktaSouth November 4, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Nooooooooooo OTHER posts – not that one. I am totally down with how ever he talks to me. I'm talking about the ones down there where he is upset about the way this is reported and whatnot. No, I promise, telling me I need to get out of here is sweet talk. I'm on his side, trust me. I love me some pissed Chet. It's good stuff.

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