fail monsters

Rick Scott Has No Idea Where This ‘Tampa Bay’ Place Is

Don't even bother trying to ask him where Georgia is.Further proof Rick Scott is a demon robot from outer space: he has not yet not learned where one of the major urban areas in the state he governs is, because he arrived in Florida from his desolate home asteroid-space landfill too recently. When reporters from the St. Petersburg Times mentioned to him that the newspaper will soon change its name to the Tampa Bay Times to reflect the larger area that the paper now covers, Rick droned back in his hollow nasal way, “Does the region call itself the Tampa Bay region? Is that what it calls itself? The region does?” Uhhh.

Tampa Bay encompasses Tampa, St. Petersburg and Clearwater and is the state’s second-largest metropolitan area. His insane comment delivered with questionable English has a few people wondering whether or not he could possibly be quite this stupid. The official verdict is that, yes, probably yes.


Steve Bousquet, the Tallahassee Bureau Chief for the St. Petersburg Times, tells 10 News he and others were surprised by Scott’s answer.

“No he was not joking. He seemed to be a little bit unfamiliar with the term,” Bousquet said.

The Governor’s answer also surprised others after hearing about his response.

“It’s not something we can just laugh off,” Tampa council member Frank Reddick said. “I think the governor needs to go get a history lesson,” he added.

(A history lesson?) Anyway, maybe not laugh off, but certainly is the kind of thing we can, and must, laugh at. []

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  1. WhatTheHolyHeck

    “I think the governor needs to go get a history lesson,”

    Or maybe, you know, a geography lesson. Oh, Florida.

      1. WhatTheHolyHeck

        Well, you did use the word "taint" and that should count for something.

        The only image I could manage to invoke was that of the entire state of Florida grasping desperately to under-perform Mississ-iss-issippi-ippistan in education.

    1. Omophagist

      Give him a break, the guy was probably high on meth, which from what I understand is what 95% of the non-geriatric population of Florida is high on at any given time.

  2. Pragmatist2

    "is that near Tampa-tampa-tampa-tampastan?" responded Herman Cain when the matter was raised with him. "Some hot women down there, I hear."

    1. chicken_thief

      And then, putting his hand under his chin, showed about how tall they were compared to his wife.

  3. GunToting[Redacted]

    Actually, Frank, what the governor needs is a GEOGRAPHY lesson. And a good solid kick in the taint.

  4. slithytoves

    I think the governor needs to go get a history lesson

    He can't get a history lesson because he fired all the historians along with the anthropologists and archaeologists, and apparently, geographers.

    1. MegPasadena

      That's why he fired all the scholars who know and teach about things.
      This way soon nobody will realize that he always says dumb things.

  5. DaRooster

    "I think the governor needs to go get a history lesson…”
    "… and a Geography lesson… and some lessons on manners… he could stand to learn some math (since you know… people on welfare can't afford their own urine tests), throw some science in there… and round it off with just a plain ol' "I'm gonna teach you a lesson ya maggot." lessons."

      1. proudgrampa

        Given the current crop of Republicans / Tea Partiers / Right Wing Slobs, I am convinced that Ethics is an elective they would never take.

        1. Moonbatting Average

          Woah there! Don't confuse Kate Upton with Caitlin Upton! The comely lass you linked to is the former, and indeed quite "virtuous".

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Hitler? Assuming he really IS dead, I mean, and not actually living in Florida, hidden among the elderly Jews.

      1. WhatTheHeck

        But he sure knew his weather:
        “Springtime for Hitler ünd Germany. Winter for Poland ünd Hungary.”

    2. Kakkeltje

      I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some . . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children

  6. Occupy V572

    I was okay with everything he's done up until now, but not knowing the designation for the second largest SMA in Florida is obviously an impeachable offense.

  7. donner_froh

    “Does the region call itself the Tampa Bay region? Is that what it calls itself? The region does?”

    A self-aware "region" (whatever that means on his home galaxy) is something not seen before on the planet earth.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      “Does the region call itself the Tampa Bay region? Is that what it calls itself? The region does? The region? The."

      . . .and then he sputtered out on that train of thought.

  8. Mumbletypeg

    In other news: Governor McDonnell registers surprise regarding a region in VA he's barely acquainted with: "what, they don't grow apples exclusively in Apple-achia?"

  9. Chichikovovich

    For most people, this would be embarrassing. For Rick Scott, it might be the least stupid thing he's done all year.

  10. Biel_ze_Bubba

    If I lived in the Tampa Bay region, I'd be perfectlly happy if Rick Scott remained ignorant of the location (and perhaps the very existence) of the place.

    Because I hate those "uh-oh … that's not a moon" moments.

    1. Negropolis

      Nobody does, not even Floridians. I tell you, that has to be one of the most forgotten, most faceless metropolitan areas in the country.

  11. chicken_thief

    Christopher Columbus?

    Why is this here as well as under "You know how else can't answer basic geography questions? " where it really belongs?!

    1. Negropolis

      Oh, I don't know about that. He seems to have calculated how to get a shitload of money into his pockets at his previous jobs.

  12. FakaktaSouth

    "arrived in Florida from his desolate home asteroid-space landfill too recently"

    Lordy lordy poor old beat up on Texas… (you know, where he made his billions off of Medicare fraud before moving to Florida to be closer to his, um, customer base. fuckerfuckerfuckerfucker)

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Oh man I missed you today. I got my ass kicked by GUYS for making light of fucking for money, cause I'm a sexist. It was like 1990 all over again when this GUY (who was trying to get in my pants for christs sake) was all offended AT ME when I thought the RHCP song "party on your pussy" was a hilarious compliment and he thought I was insensitive to ? I dunno? Women with over partied upon vaginal regions? Anyway. I'm gonna start telling black people all about how bad racism is.

  13. SorosBot

    If no one refers to the Tampa Bay region, then how do you explain the existence of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Devil Rays?

      1. SorosBot

        Fundies can ruin everything, even baseball. Of course this is a team that wasn't able to sell out during the fucking World Series.

        1. prommie

          Wasn't the stadium Hoverround-accesible? The "Tampa Bay Area" is one of the universe's foulest assholes. This is a place where there truly is no "there." It is a desolate wasteland of the decrepit and tawdry and tacky and chintzy, mixed with shitty and stupid.

          1. SorosBot

            It's an asshole in the middle of a wang? I didn't know that was biologically possible.

            As the home of Scientology, though, Clearwater's got to have loads of gullible moronic douchebags.

  14. DerrickWildcat

    Well it's a bit confusing. It was St. Petersburg…then Petrograd and then Leningrad and then back to St. Petersburg and then they opened a new St. Petersburg in Florida which is now Tampa.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        & India is going nuts with the new names: Kolkata, Mumbai…

        & that NVA named a city after a prostitute!

  15. DaRooster

    “Does the region call itself the Tampa Bay region? Is that what it calls itself? The region does?”

    Um… also… too… regions do not talk, moron.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        It's where Rick Perry canceled his fundraiser this week because nobody wanted to attend.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      "Cobblestone, Cobblestone, Cobblestone Gov'n'r:
      Don't trouble w/ facts, but these facts are troubl'n.
      Ask him a riddle and he's bound to flub'ner;
      Cobblestone, Cobblestone, Cobblestone Gov'n'r."

  16. Crank_Tango

    Christ. And I am moving to Florida next week with a ring for a girl who says she doesn't want me any more.
    Ah, fuckit, one more sane voter, right? Or at least one more dem voter?

    1. SayItWithWookies

      You should consider yourself lucky that you have to go to Florida to find a chick who doesn't want you — I can find plenty of 'em right here. Shit, sell the ring and stay where you are or move someplace you'll like — it'll be better for both of you.

    2. HistoriCat

      moving to Florida next week with a ring for a girl who says she doesn't want me any more.

      Want to rethink that claim to sanity?

    3. deanbooth

      At least you know the score before going there. I had a friend who quit his job to follow his gf to middle Alaska, and then she promptly broke up with him.

      1. Crank_Tango

        Yeah I had a buddy who was working for the UN in Africa, and his wife wanted to go back to the states, understandably, and she got him to quit his job, go back to Chicago, where her family was from, not his, and then said she wanted a divorce. WTF.I know I got a long road ahead of me but if it don't work then I will know I tried.

      2. TitsOccupado

        That's exactly how I ended up in the Eastern High Sierra, and too broke to move again for about 24 years.

      1. Crank_Tango

        Well I know it is a pretty dumb idea, so super romantic? My problem is I am about 4 months too late…Sent from my iPhone

    4. Gainsbourg69

      The funny thing is that there are more dems than wingnuts down here. What fucks it up for us is the democrat's machine. If it weren't for them this dick head (literally) would've never been elected.

      Welcome to Florida, by the way. I hope you don't land in one of our numerous shit holes. And if it doesn't work out with your girl, at least you have the active Florida lifestyle to lok forward to.

      1. Crank_Tango

        I got a long row to hoe, but I think eventually I will get her back. thanks for your support, everybody!Sent from my iPhone

  17. Trannysurprise

    To be fair the name "Tampa Bay Region" does sound a lot better than "Tract Housing Hell Full of Racist Assholes" which was what they were going to call it, obvsly.

  18. Not_So_Much

    As long as he's doing his part to keep China from getting nukes, I'm willing to give him a pass on this.

  19. widestanceshakedown

    Since he has no idea where he is, let's slip a sack over his head in the middle of the night, ship him off to Gitmo, and tell him he's the emperor who must crush the rogue regime claiming to be in charge.

  20. DahBoner

    "Tampa Bay encompasses Tampa, St. Petersburg and Clearwater and is the state’s second-largest metropolitan area."


    Every Teabagger on Hillbilly Heroin knows that Tampa bay area is the "go to" place for Dr. Feelgood pill mills…

      1. prommie

        I hear its very sunny there. The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace, where hydrogen is turned into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees, you know.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          I heard a live version of this — also performed by They Might Be Giants — that sounded like really kooky OI! punk.

          Greatness, naturally.

  21. owhatever

    The St. Pete Times kicked the Gubernator Voldemort's ass around the block several times during his campaign. The right wingers, not caring about the crimes and history of their candidate, still elected him.

      1. Blueb4sunrise

        Yikes! Comments are …….Yikes!
        That's an event to keep an eye on.

        Wait, isn't Dayton in Ohio?

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Actually, the three stars are Florida, Texas, and Arizona. You know — the real states, where real 'merkins live.

          1. Blueb4sunrise

            As an Arizonan (weeps softly) I'd have to say that we're falling behind in the batshit crazy competition in favor of just pure assholinity.

  22. barto

    It's so amusing when those who are intellectualy challenged AND evil FAIL in their condescension. If only there were consequences for these poeple. But if a $600 million fine can't even stop this turd, probably nothing ever will.

  23. Arken

    You'll have to forgive Rick Scott. He thinks 'the bay' is something people bet on in that funny song the negroes sing.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's gotta be ready for those Iranians, who are about to mount an invasion across the border.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    Rick Scott doesn't need to know about Geography. Did Genghis Khan stop to ask what town he was in every time he stopped somewhere to rape and pillage and scrape the gold leaf off the domes? No — leave that shit for the scribes and historians, he's got more important things to do.

  25. SarahsBush

    "I see your not-knowing-what-Tampa-Bay is and raise you a take-a-history-lesson."

    Never, EVER, underestimate the stupidity of Floridians.

  26. HedonismBot

    All this time, I never thought he was stupid, just evil. Evil usually goes with smart, you know what I mean?

  27. dennis1943

    I'm proud to be yor Governor……..of the great state of…..uh…..uh……someone help me out here……

  28. Ramon X

    There has been some misunderstanding here. Actually, he was just interjecting a little lighthearted satire into the interview.

  29. proudgrampa

    So, seriously. How bad is Tampa Bay? Sounds like it's a horrible place to live, and an even worse place to visit. Does it have any redeeming qualities? At all? Is this a place where Jimmy Buffett would go???

    Inquiring minds want to know.

    1. prommie

      Seems to me that the funny thing about Jimmy Buffet is the gigantic chasm on the coolness spectrum between BEING Jimmy Buffet, which come on, admit it, is ultra-cool, and being a Jimmy Buffet FAN, which is so uncool, its almost the ultimate in dork-dom. Jimmy is the 70s version of Dave Mathews, but without the depth. But what he has done with it, and the life he has crafted for himself from the proceeds of his modest talent and simple likeability, thats is so cool.

        1. Negropolis

          You can probably find some Wall Street banker to put together such an arrangement for the right price.

  30. Fare la Volpe

    I was about to say this sounds exactly like the kind of thing that would be helped by drinking.

    Good luck, Crank! If she don't say yes, then find you a high class Miami mamacita and a round of tequila slammers. Lord knows you deserve it.

  31. 102415

    He was just fucking with them. He threw away the long awaited train link that was to be built there just about first thing as Governor. Everyone left and right set up a tremendous howl about it to no avail. Huge loss to the area and a great many jerbs down the toilet of Republcan't.

  32. ttommyunger

    Just how many times does an asshole in Florida have to tip his hand before the voters realize he' only holding three Jokers and a fucking Wild Card?

  33. Negropolis

    Silly me. Here I was thinking they called themselves "Tacky downtown office park surrounded by tacky foreclosures" region.

    He shouldn't feel bad. I forget Tampa on a regular basis. Flordia really does have some pretty shitty cities to be as wealthy a state as it is.

    That said, for your state's governor to not know what a major metropolitan area within that state calls itself is pretty scary.

  34. Negropolis

    You guys are all wrong. He was asking a rhetorical and existential question. Because, you see, what region really is able to call itself anything?

    Dude, I'm blowing my own mind, here…like, I'm all out there in the ether and such.

  35. NorthStarSpanx

    And the congressman who thought that the heavy physical weight of our armed forces on a S. Pacific Island was literally going to 'tip' it over.

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