Long ago, before he spent all his time fantasizing about being the President of the United States, poor little rich cultist boy Mitt Romney used to dream of having a real “working man” job. What if Mitt Romney was capable of doing something useful, and didn’t just spend his life shifting the assets of millionaires here and there? What if he was, say, a Deep Sea Fisherman, like Jesus? Or maybe a Factory Worker of some kind, assembling various machinery products? Hell, even serving hot dogs to fat people would be more useful than the way Mitt Romney really spent his life.
Thanks to Wonkette super-video operative “Andrew K.” for digging up this old Romney campaign ad from 2002.
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"What if Mitt Romney was capable of doing something useful"
AARRRGH – just that thought makes my head hurt. What if I won the lottery? No more hobo beans for me and the odds are about the same as Mittens doing something useful.
What if I won the lottery?
You wouldn't buy all the girls on yer block silver-plated six-shooters and quarts of Finest Highland Scotch?
Hobo beans are delicious if you add a little squirrel, and simmer them in a tin pan, over a flaming garbage pail.
Anything that couldn't wind up on "Dirty Jobs" is too good for Mittens.
Nothing says "Workin' Man" like doing construction in a button-down Oxford.
Nothing says Presidential like having your father say he was brainwashed during the course of his political career. Other than the callous remark that he himself was 'unemployed,' what is going to be Mitt's Brainwashed moment?
Mr. Unflappable has to have a weakness other than being Mr. Cellophane.
The thought of Mittens wearing Dickeys and punching a clock will sustain me for the rest of the day. I think if I met a Genie today I would wish for this.
Mitt and dickeys…is he like the rest of the GOP field (gay)
He's the one of all the candidates who is the most optimistic about the future. Well, there's a shock – a rich, white guy with $200 million in the bank. What does he have to worry about?
A short list for Romney to worry about:
- A change in tea suppliers at the Ritz.
- Shanking his tee shot.
- The coming shoals off the port side.
- Illegal Mexicans mowing his grass.
- Traffic jams in La Jolla.
- Running out of Grey Poupon.
- Mitt Romney.
Fireman, astronaut, policeman, doctor, fudge maker…
fudge maker or fudge packer?
All of them Katie…
he could've just held onto one of the jobs he sent overseas as part of his exorbitant finder's fee.
Mittens on a construction site? Amusing, but I won't be satisfied until he risks mussing up his hair and puts on a hard – hat.
When he grows up, he wants to be a firemanastronaut. Or a pony.
OMG! Ponies!
Up until a year or two ago, my youngest daughter was setting her sights on being a ballerina-astro-nun. She's come to realize the nun bit would be impractical, what with conflict of wearing a habit and a space suit. But the space suit with the tutu? She thinks that's doable.
that is adorable. I love the idea of a spacesuit/tutu.
"I wish I lived in Massachusetts…"
Yeah, because they have great healthcare, right, Mitt?
Wait!
We massholes are hip to Mitt and his bullshit. When he was governor, he spent something like 32 days a year in MA. He didn't care about the people here at all. He just did that healthcare thing to position himself for a presidential campaign. Ironic, isn't it?
A little dab'll do ya: even after getting biffed by flying cardboard @ :24, that helmet-coif bounces right back.
I drink my milk in the hot tub,
sing a little bit of these Mormon venture capitalist blues…
Man, that doesn't work on so many levels.
Hahahah gold star for you, don't tell Merle though.
The 1% all tend to think they're so much smarter than everybody else, but if those assholes ever decided to "Go Galt", they would all be dead in a week from trying to figure out how to feed themselves.
"Now how does this — what did you call it — 'can opener' work???"
If the poor did not work, the rich would eat money.
- old Russian proverb.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Mitt needs to take a page from fellow mellow-mannequin Scott Brown and start arriving at his campaign stops in a pickup truck. It sure seemed to endear Brown to some working class stooges at least long enough to get him what he was after.
Edit: Oops. How could I have forgotten? It was one of my favorite photos EVAR
He's a fudge maker and a sausage guy?
Goodness. It is almost like his programing is becoming sentient.
He does kind of remind me of Abraham Lincoln at Disney Land but without the charisma.
He looks just as awkward with the masturbatory fist-pumping gesture as he does smashing the shit out of his own thumb with that hammer.
Also hi fiving that startled hard-hat person.
I am sure he would not want to have a Union represent him if he did have a real job though.
Obviously he "makes (his) share of mistakes". The mother fucker can't hold a job for more than 6/10th of a second!!!!!!!! YOUR STACKING CARDBOARD PUTZ!!!! IT AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE!!!!!
"It won’t easy and I’ll sure make my share of mistakes."
Awww shucks Mittens, that's OK, anyone could have accidentally launched some nukes at England. You're only human.
I’ll sure make my share of mistakes.
"Like passing a comprehensive health care plan that brings affordable health insurance to everyone in Massachusetts? Now that was a huge mistake."
Mitt had a construction job erecting a Ponzi Scheme
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2011/11/01/31604...
Uh-oh, his magic underwear didn't work for this one.
"Mitt Romney Fantasizes About Having An Actual Job"
Don't we all.
Come on people.
Be fair.
Raiding corporate pension plans is hard work.
P.S. Related
~
I love this response from "Tengrain", my new hero…
Thank God it wasn’t Willard caught in the sex scandal, we’d be hearing about his magic panties on the news until 2012.
Here's a job, Mitt: A lubricated weather vane. To make it easier to shove up your oily ass.
Mitt Romney has wet dreams? Ewwwwww….
That underwear doesn't get magic on its own.
Mitt, you're welcome to do my job for a day, because you will probably (hopefully) die.
"Whew, that was hard work — makes me feel much better about laying these folks off and giving them a little time to enjoy their boat or just walk around their orchards and such."
You said it, Mitt. I've heard that people sometimes lose their homes after losing their jobs, but really, is it so bad to move into the cottage in Provence year-round? If the kids are out of the house, there's plenty of room for two, and it really is soothing there.
Well, if he wants to do my job and I get to take his money and move to Amsterdam, it's a deal.
Well, he IS just like the average Amurikin – fantasizing about what it must be like to be employed.
Oooh, what if Mittens was a magical fairy who flew around all day granting other people's wishes? I wonder what he would look like in a tutu…
I'm sure Marcus is free for a fitting. Haute couture for old white closet cases is her specialty!
I enjoy helping at a local soup kitchen because I get to play restaurant. Mitt would like it too because then he gets to wear those rubber gloves and play doctor too.
The church steeple in the background is a nice touch. Nothing screams "FERGIT I'M A MORMON WHACK JOB" like a nice Protestant church.
♪♫And Mittens was a sailor when he governed Massachusetts
Then he spent a long time thinking on his lonely golden planet
And just when he knew for certain only Herman Cain could beat him
He said, "All will vote Republican until the Second Coming!"
But he found himself defeated by his flipping and his flopping
And he sank down in the polls….like a stone.♪♬
So long Mormon man
It's time that we began
To laugh and laugh and and laugh and laugh
At your stupid ads
Then taking from his wallet an old schedule of trains, he said "I told you when I came here I was a Mormon"
Many fists of applause to you, and by association to mr. Cohen for penning this lovely ballad.
V572 is the one who deserves the applause.
I'm aware there are many more lines to the Stranger than what's featured in the opening of McCabe & Mrs. Miller, but I only know those — my first time viewing that film on VCR w/ a guy who *lurved* Altman — he was setting me up to enjoy the director's "masterpiece… look at the lighting, it's genius!" [referring to the d.p.'s scratched-lens-filter or whatever] — but I forgot to be excited about the film I was so mesmerized by the opening song, I later went and pause-replayed the movie cassette til I could copy those lines down and memorize them. The one you quoted was what I recognized.
"It won’t easy and I’ll sure make my share of mistakes."
Press the button, and Potty Barbie says "Toilet training adults is hard!"
Based on his popularity and personality- he'd make a good parking meter.
Only if "Doorstop" was already filled.
Nah, he'd be reaching into people's pockets to get every last quarter they have.
There was more phallic imagery in that commercial than in all of Antonioni's films combined.
I don't know what you're talking about. It's just an ad where in the span of 30 seconds Mitt Romney stands in front of a tall steeple, greets a man with a hard hat and a long piece of something, reaches out and pulls at a long rod, puts a hot dog into a bun, hands out his hot dog, wears a baggy protective device while rigging up something big and tall, and wears a hard hat himself while joining two pieces of wood.
Gosh Mitt, you sure are a manly man with the high-fives, using a hammer and flingin' that heavy cardboard. I'm sure all those right leaning ladies are getting all moist in their granny panties just looking at your chiseled features and perfect hair. Heck, I bet even Ann Coulter would give up her "virginity" for some of that real man meat if she was a woman.
Mitt's got 99 problems but a paycheck ain't one.
Thanks to this campaign ad, I almost forgot Mitt Romney lived somewhere on Earth…
I'll bet the Port-O-San guy from Woodstock has retired by now, so there's a sure-fire opening for Mitt.
aww, he thinks he's people. Isn't that cute
Oh fer fucks sake, that dick knob would get fired from a real job in about 5 seconds.
"My driver had trouble getting the limo started" would not suffice as a reson for lateness for any boss I've ever worked for.
This so-called "Mitt Romney" is a nothing more than a Ponzi scheme…
The part of the Joseph Smith story that I just cannot believe is where he buries the golden tablets again.
I'm going to have to put "McCabe and Mrs Miller" in my netflix queue. I didn't realize it was Altman, and that explains why there would be such good music in the soundtrack.
That is one of my all-time fave songs, though.
Like any dealer, he was watching for the card that was so high and wild, he'd never need to deal another.
Do queue it soon. A good wintertime film. Hard to typify, it's so unique. At times the characters mutter unintelligibly, hopefully this won't be annoying; I believe it's an intended realistic effect. Altman takes liberties with lengths of silence. Carradine is barely recognizeable. I always look forward to watch it again; cannot view this 'too many' times, I'll shut up now.
You won't be sorry. "McCabe and Mrs Miller" is my all-time single favorite movie. Being an old hippie, I knew Cohen's work from before, but it fits beautifully.
When my mom first caught me listening to Lenny, she said something like "that's what all the WEIRD people used to listen to in college".
Say “hi” to her for me! She always loved this one:♪♫I believe that you heard your master sing while I was sick in bed.I’m sure that he told you everything I must keep locked away in my head.Your master took you traveling (well at least that’s what you said),and now do you come back to bring your prisoner wine and bread? ♪♬
I ate and ate and ate,
no I did not miss a plate, well
How much do these suppers cost?
We'll take it out in hate.
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