Texas Governor Rick Perry had not been drinking in public or smoking marijuana in front of people or gobbling “back pills,” according to the leader of the conservative group that hosted Perry’s rambling, drunken speech over the weekend. “I can tell you unequivocally he wasn’t drinking at the event and he hadn’t been drinking prior to the event,” Cornerstone Action director Kevin Smith told congressional trade magazine The Hill. “I was sitting with him … he was very articulate.” Hundreds of thousands of people have watched Perry’s intoxicated jabbering on YouTube, because it is funny to laugh at a stupid drunk.
Smith, who has not endorsed any candidate, said that Perry drank “only water” at the event and that his speech was well-received by the audience. Smith spent much of the time before the speech with Perry, including dining with him at the event’s head table beforehand.
“When I started seeing all of the blog stuff going up on Sunday and the video going viral it caught me by surprise,” said Smith. “He was definitely more animated than we’ve seen him during the campaign but the reports that he was buzzed or whatever never crossed any of our minds …. The people there loved the speech. The reaction I was getting was ‘wow, he hit it out of the park’ — people were saying that was the Perry they wished they’d see during the debates.”
Following the speech, Perry invited the entire crowd to the bathroom with him to “get a little more fucked up” and then ordered 50 pizzas and insisted all the televisions in the lounge be turned to the same channel (HGTV) and turned up all the way. He then put a tablecloth over his head and went to sleep on a sofa in the hotel lobby. [The Hill]
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"Rick Perry Not Obviously Drunk Or High"
That just leaves stupid.
yeah.. are we supposed to be reassured that this is what the candidate comes across as, when sober?
Perry Campaign: [to the photo] I bid you namaste also, too.
Well, end-stage syphilis is another possibility.
Quick, someone do an STD test on Marcus.
FTW.
Or legal drug prescribed by multiply shopped medical professionals? Wooo big pharma in tha tank for P-dawg.
Rusty probably gave him a long list of contacts in the freelance pharmaceutical distribution biz.. After all, what are personal assistants, campaign workers etc. for if not to obtain recreational pharmaceutical products, young strapping lads searching for mentoring from strong Texas political leaders, etc. ad nauseum.
I resemble that remark.
Now that you mention it, the talk did seem about as comprehensible and coherent as the later chapters of Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
EDIT: As read by Yosemite Sam.
Good, ahem, conjecture.
While syphilis is classically known as the great imitator , we cannot completely rule out parasites, specifically, hookworm as he has been in close quarters with another less than intelligent governor.
This could, in turn, explain a lot about what's going on in Topeka lately.
nice job, leadoff batter hitting a home run is a great way to start the inning!
I trust Cornerstone Action director Kevin Smith implicitly and I know he did do a full blood/urine/follicle test on the Governor both before and after the "speech".
Meh, I haven't trusted Smith since I saw Clerks 2.
Step off, porch monkey.
did he check estrogen levels?
How come "Cornerstone Action" doesn't show up in IMDB? Is it like Alan Smithee except with titles?
They don't have gay porn on IMDB.
The people there loved the speech. The reaction I was getting was ‘wow, he hit it out of the park’ — people were saying that was the Perry they wished they’d see during the debates.
Perry might not have been drunk, but the audience obviously was.
"HIt it out of the park" was my reaction, too. Only the sport was not baseball, but demolition derby.
"and then ordered 50 pizzas"
From Godfather's?
"He was definitely more animated than we’ve seen him…"
Act like this in front of a cop and you're going to spend some time in the Graybar Hotel for Driving While Animated.
Perry is not drunk or high. The Texans who voted for him 3 times, however…
water = water of life
Kwisatz Dumbass.
I forget- who tweeted Dune live last week?
I just meant aqua vitae, but incidentally ended up making a Dune reference.. (who knew?!)
Don't you know?
EVERYTHING is about Dune!
Why, my husband re-reads the series EVERY year!
You could ask Perry to tell you of the waters of his homeland. But he'd be lying if he said there were any you could drink.
Strangely enough, Tito's is pretty good. Very refined–unlike Texas.
They have some mighty fine tasteless, flavorless, odorless 'water' in Tejas http://titosvodka.com/about/
Had me some a couple weeks back – fuck Ciroc and Belvedere.
Yeah. I worked in rehab for several years. The worst (best?) alkies drank either vodka or gin because they were convinced nobody could smell it on their breath. Sure, it looks like water…
“I was sitting with him … he was very articulate.”
Well, this observation is coming from someone who likely thought W was very intelligent, Nixon was very moral, and Saint Ronnie is very likely to return from the dead any day now…
"Only water" huh!
That's the vodka trick we alcoholics learned a long time ago.
На здоровье, товарищ! (gulp)
Hey man, nice driveway!!
Wonkers who now a foreign language, the harder the better (as evidenced above) can no more resist showing up the rest of us than the English majors and unemployed lawyers living in their mother's basement can fight the urge to make puns every chance they get.
Hey back off, mom let me have the room over the garage!
I live in my own basement, I'll have you know!
I live in my own nice driveway.
I cheat with Google Translate™, just like the kids do today!
Nastrovia!
If he took it as an enema, the effect would be magnified and even less chance of tavern breath.
I wish I had known that when I was drinking.
Well, if you are truly an alcoholic and not just playing one on the internet, it's probably just as well that you didn't know that….
Me too. I think I'll give a try. BRB, I'm off to buy some smirnoff and an enema.
*throws 8 yr chip out window
Tampon in the butt?
Dammit, I shoulda read further downthread!
So, he's just naturally confused and incoherent then?
Whatever the audience had, I want some of that primo shit.
"Following the speech, Perry … then ordered 50 pizzas "
Can we be sure they weren't ordered beforehand? This could be one explanation, that some Cain cronies spiked the mushroom toppings before delivery — or added a little, you know, "secret's in the sauce."
Don't order the Psylocibin Pspecial next time, Gubbner Goodhair.
The kitchen-help were wiping their asses with the crust and hocking lungers on the topping. Occupy GOP'ers pizza!
He was just high on life.
80 Proof life.
Don't you need one first?
Damn it, it's time for a man with feathered hair to take the White House!
Perry (or, whatever, Barry Gibb, I guess) 2012!
Gibb, by a landslide!
Chingachgook?
Big Bird 2012.
“I was sitting with him … he was very articulate.”
Dude totally misspelled 'ejaculate'.
Perry drank “only water”
Silly Kevin Smith, Ricky was ginning-up for his speech with that clear stuff in his tumbler.
"Stupid, stupid, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
But it is essential to be elected Governor of Texas, apparently.
Well, it's been a lock since Ann Richards left office, anyway.
It says somethign about dear ol' Texas that Ann didn't leave, but was voted out in favor of Bush the lesser and then Mr. Perry. Has anyone checked to see if they are putting lead into the water in Texas now?
Yeah, an amusement park.
CFB:
Unfortunately, he did hit it out of park. Into reverse.
FTW
Where'd all these goddamn sheep come from?
"Baa! That was just Baa!!"
Maybe he wanted to try the Ambassador Gibson trick, but got it totally backwards.
Too bad the wingtards are busy defending Cain today. They would have been in quite a pickle if they had to defend Perry being intoxicated, OK, he's wasn't hopped up on something, he's always that way….animated, yep, that's it, or maybe, excitable.
are they really defending cain?
i am far too cowardly to research this issue on my own.
I get the synopshits while I'm in the car. Russ, Innanity, Levine, the whole gang. Crap like, "Clinton never got this type of scrutiny," and "Cain is the victim." Usual tripe. The best thing is that this was probably leaked by Rove, et.al. anyhow.
Kevin Smith just hasn't been the same since that stupid "Jersey Girl" movie.
I thought that "Zack and Miri…" was cute.
Actually maybe it was just Elizabeth Banks…
He got off some good zingers in Too Fat for 40, but that isn't exactly a feature film, either.
He got hold of some of Hermie's roofies?
re: alt-text
Roofies are an excellent antidote for hangovers. At least that's what I've heard.
Kevin Smith went on to add, "I'm not even supposed to be here today!"
How can a cartoon character become even more animated? If Perry gets any more animated, he'd see tweeting birds every time an anvil is dropped on his head.
Who wants to test my theory?
Maybe he was a 70s Hanna-Barbera cartoon before.
Who Executed Roger Rabbit?
Prove up, y'all.
Also, Kevin, Tina is not the name of Rick's "wife."
The more you know.
"[B]ecause it is funny to laugh at a stupid drunk."
You Communist Pinko Liberal SKum. You have no idea of True Humor.
True Humor is watching a stupid drunk handling firearms . . . albeit, from a safe distance.
Over to you, former Vice President Richard "16-Gauge-In-The-Face" Cheney.
[That middle bit is his Sacred Lakota Tribal Name, don'tchaknow?]
Neilist "At Swim Two Birds" Neilist
Doesn't old yeller leader wear ear plugs and safety glasses when shooting his Red Ryder at N***erhead? His little pansy pal, Eddie the Eagle would be so proud. Remember Mr. Neilist: Safety 1st , 2nd Amendment .
Actually, several years ago I rather enjoyed watching a young man in the US Navy attempting to pick up a matchbook from the sidewalk.
Then there was the guy in a Haight pizza joint who, attempting to light a cigarette with a candle, extinguished the candle (while filling the cigarette with wax). When he got that baby going, it was most entertaining.
oh dear gawd, it;s not REALLY you again, is it?
You mean there is no excuse? It's just him being him? I'd rather be dumb as dirt than be the governor of Texas. Wait. Why can't I be both?
You can. In fact, it makes the job much easier.
Who knew we'd have our very own Baghdad Bob? “I can tell you unequivocally he wasn’t drinking at the event and he hadn’t been drinking prior to the event."
I believe him. My buddies and I drank a lot of "water" back in high school. We'd come to class with bottles full of "water" and drink it all day. In fact, our homeroom teacher set up a cot in her office so we could sleep off all that "water" we were drinking so we wouldn't drive home.
I drank a lot of Pepsi, too, from a can that was refilled constantly with Not-Pepsi.
Using actual bottles is for pussies. Real drunks use much more subtle means, like the binoculars full of "water" that they take to the game.
You must have had an awesome board of education, and obviously, union teachers.
Hydration is so important!
Way to dash our hopes that maybe if he sobered up he might not be a total moron.
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
(Ok…he's not fat, but it's part of the quote…)
However, he still faces three DWI charges–Debating While Ignorant.
He was given water but Jesus was in the room so….
hay, hey…I'd never *contribute* to this idiots campaign
You might, just in order to sabotage his campaign. All that mass praying in Texas must be getting on your nerves after all.
Most likely some savvy campaign manager just promised him some "rent boy time" if he "done good" with his speechifying. Kinda backfired a little…
just watched this train wreck and speaking from personal experience
…ahem…
if that's not drunk or high then i don't know what the fuck is.
or more specifically I know the difference between real real and drug real. but does Perry?
It's funny to laugh at a stupid drunk as long as he doesn't get "elected" Preznut.
Rick "Obama Wins" Perry.
High or not, this video is never going to go away; like little Ricky will now. He is toast.
The maple syrup that he so lovingly cradled will go great with that toast.
Sweets for the sweet; and Little Ricky sure acts sweet in this video.
it's kinda like the Dean *scream*, didn't really happen that way but fucker was gone in 24 hours (and Dean is one of the GOOD guys!)
Sometimes our innate shallowness and stupidity works in favor of the good, I guess.
This is definitely the Perry I want to see on the debates, too. Drunks could be a major political force in this election, if only the words on their ballots would stop moving around.
So Perry's done, Cain's done.
It's pretty much gonna be Mittens boring the shit out of everybody for another year.
~
Sara Benincasa has a book coming out that she's hustling. Sara/Michele/2012!
Jon Stewart nailed it last night.
Mitt Romney – the luckiest motherfucker on the planet.
(At least until the general election).
I dunno, rumour is he's involved in some shady financial shenanigans to the tune of $10M.
Hey – you're back! Good ta see ya!
I am, indeed, and it's good to see you too. I can't believe how much I missed my virtual home. (waves frantically)
I feared mebbe you had died and forgot to leave instructions in your will to notify the Wonkettez!
But Smith said that despite media reports to the contrary, he thought it was one of Perry's stronger speeches since he became a candidate.
I bet his breath was the strongest since he became a candidate, too.
Instead of using sanitizer, he blows on his hands.
He is the Drunkest Man In The World.
After six years of sober Governor Bush, Texas has to make up for lost time.
Has anyone looked up the effects of coming off of cocaine?
Or maybe he was just distracted by a pretty young boy in the audience?
He is so ready to be President. Sarkozy and Putin will love him. Both of them are equally over-the-top. This will be a golden era, similar to the European Rennaissance. China will probably upset the apple cart by demanding that every country open more 99 cent shops, so they can sell even more of their ingenious products, produced by slave workers.
but berlusconi, SILVIO will resent the competition.
Republicans would rather admit to being morons than having a drink. 'K.
A performance easily explained. At Texas A&M he got a D in "Writing for Professional Men" (yes, they were still teaching that in the 1970s) yet he was handily elected as "Yell Leader."
"not obviously drunk or stoned"- new campaign slogan for the GOP.
meh. Kim Delayney was funnier.
Imma let you finish, but Anna Nicole Smith had the best SWI (speaking-whilst-intoxicated) ever.
I tend to think that it's even worse that they like to think that this is what Rick Perry is like stone cold sober.
I drink only water all the time… it's just that the water has gin and tonic in it.
It's easy to say the altext in Rick Perry's voice!
I think he was just beside himself anticipating the choad he'd be guzzling later.
No, my friend, he hit that shit out of the solar system into some strange limbo realm. He was somewhere way out in the ether, man. Like, totally out there near the face of god or some shit.
Mr. Smith's words remind me of Amy Winehouses manager's after her totally fucked up and bizarre live shows where she was actually drinking and taking bumps of coke on stage. Homegirl was shit-faced drunk and/or high on stage and her band literally dragged her through the trainwreck on more than one occasion.
I like the way he's devolved into Pee Wee Herman's sociopathic twin.
According to this clip, when his meds wear off he's just like Ruprecht in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels."
They probably don't think Bush was drunk at the http://wonkette.com/401833/was-bush-falling-down-... either.
Smith, who has not endorsed any candidate, said that Perry drank “only water” at the event.
I'm willing to entertain the notion that this is true … and that this was the problem.
"Hundreds of thousands of people have watched Perry’s intoxicated jabbering on YouTube, because it is funny to laugh at a stupid drunk."
Thank you for that.
"Weirded out" does not begin to describe my reaction……..but then i was already having trouble taking him seriously……..especially without MY meds………..
The whole thing? Aren't there like 17 of them? I only really liked the 1st 2.
He reads the three original books over and over. Has read the later books by Frank Herbert once each, and hasn't bothered to read the ones by Herbert's son, Brian.
BTW: He says I'm totally exaggerating.
(I'm not, he's a total "Dunehead.")
Are you fucking kidding me, no way, if only because my collection of cast-off cat-claws and whiskers and ancient deer antlers needs a home. Let it not be said of me that nobody profited from the popping of my clogs, dood.
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