9-9-9 PROBLEMS  4:34 pm November 1, 2011

Herman Cain’s Problems: Buying Off Sex Charges ‘Cost of Doing Business’

by Ken Layne

Nein Nein NeinWhen you’re a multimillionaire executive with important responsibilities like serving up dangerously unhealthy anusburger pizza pie to obese chain-smoking Americans, there’s always some tramp yelling about how you hurt her feelings or sexually harassed her or whatever, because the little people are always nipping at the heels of the Important People. This is Herman Cain’s latest version of why he has to constantly pay off the ladies because he keeps trying to make sexytime on them, which they should just shut up and accept, because he is an Important Executive. God, women are such complainers.

Herman Cain is a shit-food merchant who is best known for shutting down half of the Godfather’s Pizza chain restaurants and putting all those employees out of work, and ruining lives, etc. This is how you become a “Job Creator” in America, by laying off as many people as possible so your major stockholders can “trickle down” a little of the dividend or whatever, maybe to buy a new sex slave from the Philippines. But in the course of Job Creation, sometimes an Important Executive comes across a nobody lady employee who might be attractive. In this case, it is both acceptable and admirable for the Job Creation Executive to sexually harass the lady. And if the lady sues because she doesn’t know to respect her betters, then paying off the tramp is just the “cost of doing business.” This is how CNN explains the complex issue to Dumb Americans who don’t understand the importance of Wall Street Executives.

When it comes to the bottom line, there are a few reasons that an employer might pay to sweep sexual harassment allegations under the rug instead of fighting them in the courtroom or the court of public opinion. Legal costs and damage control top the list, employment attorneys and workplace policy experts say. Even if the allegations seem baseless, it’s the cost of doing business, a quick fix to shield an employer from further allegations, boycotts or worse. But, on the flipside, settlements come with the risk of enabling someone to reoffend.

GOP presidential contender Herman Cain finds himself addressing allegations of inappropriate behavior, made by two former female employees of the National Restaurant Association when he led the organization in the 1990s. Cain said he was falsely accused and that a thorough investigation found the claims had no basis. He acknowledged Monday night that there was a settlement, contradicting a statement earlier in the day in which he said he had no knowledge of a settlement.

So, the pretend story today is that Herman Cain — who was never going to get the GOP nomination, ever — keeps changing his story about the ladies and the inappropriate behavior and the lawsuits and the secret settlements. But the real story is that the 99% just doesn’t understand the important and complicated lives of the Rich and Powerful. Come on, Americans! Let’s come together and start worshiping job-killing sociopaths in the executive suites again! The 1980s are Back to the Future! [CNN/CBS]

 

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{ 195 comments }

Barb November 1, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I'm still creeped out by his "one nation under GOD" sexual harassment. This man thinks he's God and I don't want to be under him.

Tundra Grifter November 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Barb:

I continue to chuckle thinking about your remark that Kim Kardashian wears a 10-gallon thong.

Barb November 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Thanks! She does have a big ole pretty butt, doesn't she?

Tundra Grifter November 1, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Barb:

Also, a pretty big ole butt; and a pretty, big ole butt.

Eats shoots and leaves.

elviouslyqueer November 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm

DO NOT WANT.

Barb November 1, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Elvis, you don't want to boink Ms Kardashian? That's Kimpossible! What, are ya gay or something?
You know when you walk into a Subway restaurant and it smells like yeast and Pine Sol? That's why I wouldn't boink Kim Kardashian. That smell lingers even after you finish your sammie. *shiver*

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Her brother does too. Though DWTS might work it off of him.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Why yes, yes she does indeed! (There – no "you're BLACK?!" responses should be required!)

CogitoErgoBibo November 1, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Obligatory "That's what she said" comment; of course, after she said that she also sued him. Good times!

OccupyFnChicken November 1, 2011 at 4:39 pm

…he said, after he justified it all in his mind three days later.

WunkRocker November 1, 2011 at 6:05 pm

when does he justify not knowing the (other) yellow peril has had nukes for most of his life? http://shanghaiist.com/2011/11/01/gop_presidentia

BarackMyWorld November 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

This happened while he was head of the National Restaurant Association, right?

It should be again noted, the association isn't an actual restaurant company that owns and operates restaurants, but a lobbying group for the restaurant industry. Their only "business" is to help the restaurant owners.

And apparently also to cover up its executives' mistakes.

Just sayin'.

MOG2410 November 1, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Yup, just like the one I work at covered up a similiar complaint the year before I came on board. Just the cost of doing business. Except in this case, they use the dues paid by their member to hush up the story. Somewhat different, yet more of the same.

BarackMyWorld November 1, 2011 at 5:11 pm

In addition to his history as a lobbyist, I'm still waiting for some pundit or reporter to mention he was also a rightwing Atlanta radio talkshow host for years, or the time he spent working for Americans for Prosperity. Those jobs shouldn't be considered too embarrassing… right?

mayor_quimby November 1, 2011 at 11:37 pm

He was not only a rightwing ATL host, but a host who had a show on about 8 pm on weeknights. Basically dead air time. Any asshole with vocal chords can get a show in that timeslot.
Also, he speaks in what may be the worst 'black' accent since Amos n Andy.
And he still has the taste of Neal Boortz's sac on his palate.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Herm missed the boat here. He should have been a lobbyist for the porn film industry. You'd probably have try pretty hard to get a complaint lodge against you in that group.

FlownOver November 1, 2011 at 5:55 pm

There's that, but there's a good chance an adverse response to unwanted sexual advances in that industry would involve a razor blade.

Not_So_Much November 1, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Woulda been a more interesting story if the NRA in question were the National Rifle Association and the settlement was for his repeated attempts to take a turn at LaPierre's sweet, affordably priced ass…

Nesnora November 1, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Yikes, the cafeteria in my building (NYC) is run by the "National Restaurant Association"… same people? Their little signs are everywhere.

Their wraps and broccoli are horrible. :/

TitsAkimbo November 1, 2011 at 8:40 pm

I think that means your cafeteria is a member of the Association, and their dues went to covering up Herb Cain's improprieties.

Tundra Grifter November 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Other than the obvious problem with Mr. Cain's various explanations of these events, I don't understand why he didn't fight back.

To say it's cost effective is a cop-out (although, to be fair, the decision to settle isn't always up to the person in the middle of the event).

What is money for if not to defend one's reputation?

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 4:46 pm

The decision to settle or not isn't always up to the person accused, but when it's the CEO himself I think he'll have some control over the decision.

Occupy V572 November 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Unless the lawyer is whispering in his year, "$30,000 makes this all go away…" and Herman doesn't listen long enough to hear "…for a while."

Crank_Tango November 1, 2011 at 6:08 pm

well to be fair to him at the time, who'da thought that he would be in the race for the GOP PRESIDENTIAL FUCKING NOMINATION now, or ever?

fletc3her November 1, 2011 at 7:48 pm

It's hush money. The accuser can't legally come forward so everyone is happy. Unless it becomes a big political story or something.

Tundra Grifter November 2, 2011 at 2:09 pm

SorosBot: You are, of course, correct. I had in mind doctors with malpractice insurance. A physician might want the insurance company to spend its last dollar defending her (or, him) – and the carrier settles to save money.

Basically, on my part it was a faux attempt to appear fair and balanced. And it was as transaparent to you as a gin and tonic.

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2011 at 5:36 pm

This is where Rick Perry has the advantage — he just executes his mistakes and then fires anyone who investigates afterward.

Tundra Grifter November 2, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Doctors bury their mistakes.

Attorneys visit their mistakes in prison.

Mortgage brokers stroll by their mistakes, living under a bridge like a troll.

McRibzgood November 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

"employment attorneys and workplace policy experts"? Yeah a franchise or the NRA would NEVER have those on retainer. NEVER!!!

P.S. I'm a part of the NRA and try to attend their show in Chicago every few years. It's a freakin' BLAST!!!!!!!!! (No pun intended. I meant the National Restaurant Association NRA and not the Sweaty Teddy NRA.)

OneDollarJuana November 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Just what is he wiping off his face?

Callyson November 1, 2011 at 4:44 pm

A frothy mix.

Swampgas_Man November 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Of pizza grease AND . . . ?

Gleem_McShineys November 1, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Sausage leavins.

EatsBabyDingos November 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Herm changes his story more often than a nine month old's diaper gets changed. And they are both about as poopy.

PuckStopsHere November 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm

The cost of doing monkey business is more like it.

BarackMyWorld November 1, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Hey, who you callin' a monkey? </conservative faux racial indignation>

TheMightyHaltor November 1, 2011 at 6:59 pm

GARY HART LIBEL!

GuanoFaucet November 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm

That picture of Cain is visual harassment.

Eve8Apples November 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm

All the pizza bitches were just beggin' to get their hands on Herman's sausage.

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Does Herman need to smack a bitch?

MOG2410 November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Uh, no. Assault is harder to "settle out of court". heh.

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Tell it to Meg Whitman.

MOG2410 November 1, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I would, but I need my front teeth.

Generation[redacted] November 1, 2011 at 4:49 pm

That's just the cost of doing business, youknowhatimsayin?

forgracie November 1, 2011 at 4:41 pm

And when you say "comes across a nobody lady employee" you're literal huh Ken?

Veritas78 November 1, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Hey, what happens at Wonkette stays at Wonkette!

Besides, the statute ran out on Jim and we haven't got long to wait on Riley and the stocking-stueffer.

CrunchyKnee November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Unwanted sexytime with our betters is the bible.

MOG2410 November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

First Leviathan 8:6-1105, under the "thou shalts".

Rotundo_ November 1, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Verily I say unto thee, If thou desirest gainful employment with me, come unto me, and let me come upon you. For blessed are those that doth not merely suck up to the boss, but suck the boss as well, they shall inherit a token of appreciation for their meek silence regarding such matters and forfeit-ith it if they speaketh of it before the public.

Negropolis November 1, 2011 at 11:39 pm

"Verily I say unto thee, If thou desirest gainful employment with me, come cum unto me, and let me come cum upon you."

/fixed

Indiepalin November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

So the electified fence initially had a totally different use.

Chillwaver November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

It's not over until the fat lady Herman sings.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Only Cain could make "Londonderry Air" sound as nasty as Prince. Or maybe that should be "London Derrierre".

finallyhappy November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Why is this a problem? There are not dead girls or live boys involved. Isn't this Iokiyar?

102415 November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

That includes some bitches.

Dr_Zoidberg November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Wait a minute – Cain's still around?

weejee November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Would you like extra roofies on that pizza?

Occupy V572 November 1, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Herman apparently couldn't quite pitch that upsell.

NellCote71 November 1, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Perry ate them all the other night before his speech. Also.

Callyson November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

When it comes to the bottom line, there are a few reasons that an employer might pay to sweep sexual harassment allegations under the rug instead of fighting them in the courtroom or the court of public opinion.
And the reasons that a former employee running for public office might first deny the charges outright, then ask the reporter if anyone has ever filed sexual harassment charges against *him*, then finally admit there was a settlement but claim the bitches set him up…?

whiterabid November 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

If I could know for certain that it wasn't Karl Rove who leaked the story, I would feel better about this. I don't ever want to be on the same side as Karl Rove.

Veritas78 November 1, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Guaranteed, this has Karl Rove all over it. In fact, you're soaking in it!

TitsAkimbo November 1, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Madge?

subsum November 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I think the sumbich is toast–not that he was gonna get the nomination in the first place–but I don't think he'll get his gig at Fox News. And it's not because of the charges (Murdoch don't give a shit about that) but because of all the mumbling and fumbling at the press conference yesterday. Even Fox has to have some standards, right?

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm

No.

EatsBabyDingos November 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm

"doocey"

elviouslyqueer November 1, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Even Fox has to have some standards, right?

Oh please, the only reason why Fox won't hire Hermie is because they've already hired their token darkie. Also, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, as well.

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Juan looks as if he as seen a ghost. Or a very think board is up his butt.

Swampgas_Man November 1, 2011 at 7:07 pm

He should be smacked upside the head w/ a "think board".

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 7:28 pm

ah, ya got me. but it works that way too!

PuckStopsHere November 1, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Even Fox has to have some standards, right?
Uh, r…i…g…h…t.

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Two words: Sarah Palin. Two more words: Refudiate. Squirmish.

ShaveTheWhales November 1, 2011 at 10:34 pm

T

Rotundo_ November 1, 2011 at 5:03 pm

O'Reilly, Loofah.

TitsAkimbo November 1, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Nein(x3)

Pragmatist2 November 1, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Just like that credit card charge reading "Exclusive Entertainment" is the cost of doing hookers.

Tundra Grifter November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I thought it was "stenography."

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:07 pm

stemography.

horsedreamer_1 November 1, 2011 at 7:33 pm

"Massage".

Tundra Grifter November 2, 2011 at 9:56 am

Sternography?

prommie November 1, 2011 at 4:44 pm

And then he woke up in a bathtub full of ice, and one of his kidneys was gone, and someone wrote in lipstick across the mirror "welcome to the world of AIDS." But he can't prove it up, but thats what he remembers.

Occupy V572 November 1, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Was the poodle in the microwave?

ManchuCandidate November 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm

It's called "Droit d'Execubot."

prommie November 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Herman's got 999 problems, and bitches are two of them.

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Jay Z ref FTW!

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 4:57 pm

N.I.C.E.

I likes it.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Herman and Clarence Carter—they both be Strokin'!!!

ManchuCandidate November 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Oh come on people. Those ladies were confused when he demanded that they should be "Raisin' Cain!"

NellCote71 November 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Granted, abuses of the system through false claims have occurred. However as a professional woman in her 60s, the amount of uninvited sexual harassment I had to put up with in the 70s and 80s more than make up for any male "victims." And I am sure I am not alone. It was not until the Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill case did a lot of powerful men realize they could be held accountable. I did not have the courage of Anita Hill, but I appreciate what she did.

hagajim November 1, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Clarence Thomas was held accountable? When?

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Not even when he admitted to falsifying his financial disclosure forms for 20 years.

Cuz who would have ever thought that you were supposed to disclose your finances on your financial disclosure forms?

Guppy November 1, 2011 at 5:02 pm

It sounds like you're trying to justify collective punishment.

NellCote71 November 1, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Hagajim, you are right; he was not held accountable, but it did cost him considerable embarrassment.

Guppy, yeah, maybe I am. Or at least a good dose of schadenfreude.

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Back in the 80s, I reported a guy at work for really egregious harassment. He was fired. Turns out he'd already been fired for incompetence, but had cried his way back on the job. They were chomping at the bit for an excuse to get rid of him.

From that point on, all the engineers, sexist douchebags, every man jack of them, would ostentatiously flinch and back up against the wall whenever I was around.

I loved it.

bureaucrap November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I don't want to say that the alleged harrasser is ALWAYS guilty, but generally these lawsuits don't just magically appear out of thin air on multiple occasions with multiple would-be plaintiffs. Therefore, I feel absolutely confident in declaring Hermie the love bug to be guilty in my personal court of public opinion. Off with his Heads (both of them)!

mereoblivion November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I inappropriately gestured at them over there so I wouldn't have to inappropriately gesture at them over here?
I was for forgetting that I paid them to shut up before I was for remembering that I paid them to shut up?
This is all a canard of the liberal cabal?
Running out of cliché variations . . .

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Those silly women, thinking that they should be treated with respect equal to that given to their co-workers with penises.

Pragmatist2 November 1, 2011 at 4:48 pm

You know, some part of my Jersey City soul asks: Is it actually possible that some Democrat was smart enough to figure that if he leaked this stuff, the Tea baggers would be dumb enough to blame liberals and that sympathies would up Cain's vote, get him the nomination and sweep Obama to victory?
The answer, of course, is that since LBJ died no Democrat has the brains or cojones to try that one.

Chichikovovich November 1, 2011 at 5:53 pm

LBJ, Sam Rayburn,… Oh for the days when some of the ruthless bastards were *our* ruthless bastards.

Veritas78 November 1, 2011 at 7:17 pm

That would be the fifth level of chess. This one goes to eleven.

horsedreamer_1 November 1, 2011 at 7:35 pm

11.11.11 Nigel Tufnel Day "Never Forget"

smashedinhat November 1, 2011 at 4:51 pm

In defence of pizza, after seven years of mayo on everything there would have to be a lot of anus before I turned away from a slice. As for the right's most important black person, someone please gift this dude a fleshlight, stat!

Ruhe November 1, 2011 at 4:51 pm

"Back to the Future"! Now where did I put my key to the BoomBoom Room?

prommie November 1, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Ah, the good old days, you could goose your receptionist when she brought you coffee, cop a feel, and send her on her way with a pat on the ass, the darkies had to sit on the back of the bus, and airline stewardesses said "coffee, tea, or me." Racist and sexist nostalgia is the new black, in the show bizness these days.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I'll give you "Playboy Club" for that, but I get tired of telling people that's not what "Mad Men" is about. As for "Pan Am", I get more of a boner from the idea of actually looking forward to commercial air travel than from the stews, because I haven't gotten any of THAT action in at least 10 years.

coolhandnuke November 1, 2011 at 4:53 pm

The NRA slogan. "You can have my chicken wings, but you must first pry my cold, greasy hands from the waitress' titties."

Chillwaver November 1, 2011 at 4:53 pm

By the same standard, aren't Titty Bars also part of the "cost of doing business"?

MOG2410 November 1, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Not according to the IRS.

NellCote71 November 1, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Flat tax?

MOG2410 November 1, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Not in this case.

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 5:05 pm

One of the 'Things We Learn From Movies': Every police investigation, at some point, must lead to a strip club.

elviouslyqueer November 1, 2011 at 5:28 pm

aren't Titty Bars also part of the "cost of doing business"?

I'm not sure, but they were mighty popular last night with the Trick or Treaters that showed up at our humble abode.

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I had one little tyke say "Twix or Tweets". I told him "if he wasn't happy with Snickers to get the fuck off my porch". I slammed the door on it and went back to watch DWTS, having just missed Nancy Grace's Halloween dance. Damn kids!!

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Also, Lesbian Bondage Bars are part of the cost of 'Conservative Christian, Family Values' campaigning.

horsedreamer_1 November 1, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Also the price of my erection.

Mumbletypeg November 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Prospectors who climb hastily toward the top have a million directions to fall, Cain, and none of those whom you stepped on along your way will offer to catch you. Just ask Yertle the Turtle. All it takes to topple your ill-charted course, conceivably, is a big ol' pizza relished burp!

hagajim November 1, 2011 at 4:57 pm

"Come on, Americans! Let’s come together and start worshipingdrawing and quartering job-killing sociopaths in the executive suites.." – There, fixed.

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 4:58 pm

God, women are such complainers.

Ain't that the truth.

CogitoErgoBibo November 1, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Here's the thing I find most unbelievable: the dude has been married to the same woman for more than 40 years. Does anyone think for a moment that he would ever be allowed to forget a single detail from those settled suits? Hell, no. He is forced to apologize every Christmas, anniversary, Valentine's Day and the odd Thursday when she's just pissed for no obvious reason.

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:40 pm

By that definition I was married for..uh, 60 months of Thursdays.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Why would he even have to tell her, until yesterday? He wasn't canned, and I'm sure they have the kind of pious, God-blessed marriage where he doesn't have to tell her a God-damned thing.

RadioOcupados November 1, 2011 at 5:01 pm

The women who were harassed spoke a little German and kept saying Nein, Nein, Nein.

fuflans November 1, 2011 at 5:01 pm

needz moar whore diamonds.

Occupy V572 November 1, 2011 at 5:02 pm

What's for dinner at Ken's house tonight?

Oh, and now hear this: Tweety's reporting that Herman's had his best day of fundraising evah over the last 24 hours. Man how we hate the elite liberal media and their politically correct harassment of a hardworking merchant of slow, tasty death!

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 6:15 pm

"I met Hermy at the Playboy Party!" (winks) "Call me!"

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Harold Ford?

Negropolis November 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Harold Ford of the prominent, Memphis-based Fucking Fords?

I get mad just thinking about the guy, in all seriousness. The only TN politicians I loathe more is the guy that beat him. Bobby Corker had the balls to drag his little ass up to the Detroit Auto Show a few years back after railing like no other against the auto loans.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Except any of the other candidates can top his haul on a bad day.

Guppy November 1, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Having to pay money for sex.

There's a term for this, I know it… Maybe David Vitter knows.

ManchuCandidate November 1, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Does pooping in a diaper count as sex?

Guppy November 1, 2011 at 5:27 pm

YKINMK

fuflans November 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

the republican field is reminding me of those bobbing birds that buy to amuse your four year old.

BklynIlluminati November 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Cain got 99 problems and a couple bitches. Jay-Z frowns on this behavior

102415 November 1, 2011 at 5:07 pm

I got to say that my wing nut landlord loves him some Cain as of yesterday afternoon and all he would say is that "He's so interesting!" " That harassment thing is bullshit!" The wagon's are circling. I just kept laughing at him. He's a big Rush Limbaugh freak.The question is why does Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter want Herman to go up seriously against Mittens?

Rotundo_ November 1, 2011 at 6:38 pm

The delusional fucks probably believe that it will bring in the african american vote and seal the doooooooooom of the demoncrap pardee! The logic of the conservative American is so like that of cartoon characters…

CapnFatback November 1, 2011 at 5:08 pm

it’s the cost of doing business

But, being a pizza place, such a cost comes with free Crazy Bread*!

*Bread not included.

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Cain Get No….Satisfaction.

Troglodeity November 1, 2011 at 5:21 pm

"Look, all I said was 'Can I put my hard, salty sausage on your hot, steamy pie' – and she totally misunderstood!"

OccupyFnChicken November 1, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I am of the opinion that it does not matter, because Republicans know they'll be hell to pay if one of their preferred white men were to win against Barry. Cain could blow a dog on camera, and (in their mind) he'd still be triply preferred over that sozhulist muslin.

…and black, to boot!

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Poor doggy.

Angry_Marmot November 2, 2011 at 5:50 am

That's how you get a pit bull to stop humping your leg.

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 5:25 pm

via someone at a pale blue blog that features economics, bad music, and cats…..

Lawyer: Cain accuser wants to tell her side of story
http://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/lawy

Geminisunmars November 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

My eyes….my eyes. Oy, I read some of the comments. The complainant just wants to make money and ruin a hard working man.

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 6:00 pm

hard
working

CogitoErgoBibo November 1, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Ruh row. Victim lady wants permission to air Cain's dirrrty, dirrrty laundry, if only her former employer will allow. Go, victim lady, go! http://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/lawy

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Martini?

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Yes but said lady has a degree from an Ivy League university. How long before Fox and other assorted idjits call her an elitist bitch.

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Elitist bitch, trailer trash tramp, or anywhere on the spectrum in between, bitches are always just asking for it. Didn't you get the memo?

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Aha. Yes, now it's clear. Female, Ivy, harassment……………..
3, 2, 1….
LEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZIE!

actor212 November 1, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Cost of doing monkey business, you mean.

BarackMyWorld November 1, 2011 at 7:17 pm

It was funnier on page 1.

meatlofer November 1, 2011 at 5:30 pm

The NRA has gone to shit since OL' Chuck Heston died……What?…. Oh fuck it!

jus_wonderin November 1, 2011 at 5:36 pm

'What's all this talk about sax and violins on TV?"

fuflans November 1, 2011 at 5:36 pm

and cartman is going to be the 1%.

this is a good week.

imissopus November 1, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Speaking of this mess, has anyone seen this bit of Coulter and Hannity analyzing it with their usual insight?

WARNING: Viewing this clip may result in the urge to yell "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" at the top of one's lungs.

not that Dewey November 1, 2011 at 5:59 pm

No thank you. I can get by just fine without knowing what the Spitting Man thinks about sexual harassment lawsuits.

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 6:22 pm

"Our blacks are better than their blacks." There is so much wrong with that.

TitsAkimbo November 1, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I've heard that said about major league sports teams, which I guess is what politics has become anyway.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Whoever picked that photo has a great sense of humor. Coulter sure can measure 'em!

TitsAkimbo November 1, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Jazz hands!

imissopus November 1, 2011 at 9:40 pm

"So then I says to the doctor, 'I want mine to be thiiiiiiis big.'"

Geminisunmars November 1, 2011 at 6:29 pm

I've already fulfilled my masochism quota for the week, so I won't be clicking it.

johnnymeatworth November 1, 2011 at 5:47 pm

So by Thursday they should be busting him for possession of crack?

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2011 at 5:49 pm

If so, the bitch will have set him up.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I believe the charges all stem from this particular musical number at the National Restaurant Association annual meeting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MLBfwblps8&fe

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 6:03 pm

"Cuck"?

But yeah, good one.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 1, 2011 at 5:55 pm

You know, if a rich and powerful man just wants to share some luvin' with the ladies, then the lawyers and insurance companies that get involved are just part of the price of doing business. Just like the lawyers and insurance companies that Exxon/Mobile needs because people get upset when they release a little oil in the ocean.

In other words, this is just another reason we need tort reform!

Buckminster November 1, 2011 at 5:56 pm

"Cost of doing business?" Like cement shoes for your competitors? Really?

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Can you write those off on your taxes?

(Oh, and I bet you can write off lawsuit settlements on your corprat taxes. Not that you'd have to pay any anyway.)

not that Dewey November 1, 2011 at 5:59 pm

He's running for office, for Pete's sake.

bflrtsplk November 1, 2011 at 6:05 pm

And this is the Repug frontrunner. Man, I am just completely at a loss. Guess that's why those crappy pies cost so much.

Generation[redacted] November 1, 2011 at 6:08 pm

So this is his "Journey to the White House." Who knew.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I would pay good money to see a Herman Cain vs. Jeremiah Wright debate. There would be some world class pulpit-clowning, of that you can be sure!

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Got to get the 'Rent is Too Damn High' dude in there for a three way.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Well, I'd leave the most obvious clown out of it. Mainly because I would like to see Wright wipe the floor with Cain. And Cain vs. Wright would be the ultimate remake of Booker T. vs. W.E.B.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 10:02 pm

My money's on the Rev., who would kick Cain's ass with one hand tied behind his back AND lockjaw.

tihond November 1, 2011 at 6:12 pm

If this involves a pube on a coke can, I'm quitting life.

Nostrildamus November 1, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Just a heads up, Herm. Goats don't sue.

Chichikovovich November 1, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Expect Cain to really double down on trying to get the Republican nomination. He's trapped into a corner, since his backup plan was to become leader of France's socialist party.

slowhansolo November 1, 2011 at 6:27 pm

I guess the money was worth it?

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 6:28 pm

I'll bet those lawyer types are working on that this very moment.

Chichikovovich November 1, 2011 at 6:35 pm

The harrassees can legally speak out, I would guess, it would just cost them a ton of money in civil court. No doubt their lawyers ensured that in exchange for silence they were extremely well compensated.

slowhansolo November 1, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Dr. Dre is the spiritual consiglieri to Herm's godfather? Bitches ain't shit, indeed.

horsedreamer_1 November 1, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Merely prostitutes and other recipients of monetary subterfuge.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard November 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm

This is a left-wing bitch hunt.

owhatever November 1, 2011 at 6:45 pm

And the name of your movie will not appear on your hotel bill.

ttommyunger November 1, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Jon Stewart says Mitt is the luckiest motherfucker in the world, going up against this gaggle of asshats and morons. I say Barry is – and I'm delighted.

Douché November 1, 2011 at 7:45 pm

He just made the girls an offer they couldn't refuse.

rocktonsam November 1, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I can't think of a reason why any of this dipshit's sexual advances would be wanted anyway

cripes almighty

Atlanta's own, Herb "coke" Cain

Negropolis November 1, 2011 at 10:53 pm

99 problems, and a bitch seems likely to be a a lot of them.

Negropolis November 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

Needz moar tax cuts.

OneDollarJuana November 2, 2011 at 9:58 am

Spermin Cain…

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That was unnecessarily vivid!

Negropolis November 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I take it that this isn't your first time imagining this…

Rotundo_ November 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm

And tonight on Action 37 News at 11: Lapdances; entertainment or gateway to prostitution, You be the judge, Bumbleshit Texas!!! An in-depth investigation by the Action 37 News commandos!

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