Oh for god’s sake. The fictional Occupy Toronto protester quote we posted about this morning also got snared in Rick Perry’s crippled reality-detection filter via some huffy wingnut spam his son forwarded him, so here Perry is righteously sermonizing about the terrible tale of sloth-monster protester “Jeremy, 38 years old” before concluding with a snicker, “I guess greed just makes you work hard.” Which is, what, the moral of the story for why Rick Perry is running for President?
Perry notes with a novel verb configuration that he is not sure if the quote can be “proved up,” but hey, can anyone prove up what’s in the Bible? God’s ancient wingnut scribes were not exactly into facts, either. They preferred magic, like Rick Perry. And they are such good yarns! That is the important point. [Crooks and Liars]
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Reminds me of the time Sarkozy called Sara Palin. Fool me once shame on me, fool me… how does that go again?
There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — [pauses] — shame on you. Fool me — [pauses] — You can't get fooled again.
I always thought it was-
"… a fool… cannot get fooled again… heh heh heh."
To be fair, the accuracy of that quote has always been misunderestimated.
It's best appreciated when embroidered on a pillow.
Fabulous. I haven't watched him for a while. I'll have to start doing so again.
We won't get fooled again.
*power rock cord*
Bahwang
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
*removes sunglasses*
YEEEAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I'll find it and I'll bring it back to ya, you betcha.
Perrytonitis
Priapism or, often spelled, Perrypism.
Perrynium
A fool and his ni**erheads are soon parted.
needs more guillotine.
Satire Libel, my friends.
~
“I guess greed just makes you work hard.”
Bribery too.
I'm guessing no one's claiming Perry is greedy here….
Yes, but can he 'prove up' whether The Barley House has the Best Burgers in America?
Not sure about that, but we know he is proven-up proficient with a foot-long!
Hyuck hyuck hyuck
“I guess greed just makes you work hard.”
Work hard at stealing from your clients/taxpayers/the public, Perry giggled to himself.
~
Yeah, I guess greed is just a deadly sin if it's a union.
to be fair, perry's worked harder than most of us at executing people.
Fucking satire, how does it work?
The ironic comes in. The moronic goes out. You can't explain it.
And the shits just keep on comin'!
Be nice if they could throw in some giggles as well.
Some Anderson Cooper type giggles.
Well there appear to be a few glowing embers in Mittens' finances that may turn into a knee slapping roast here in a bit. If I remember correctly this guy named Ponzi was a star on Happy Daze. Correctomundo?
Aaaaaaay! *thumbs up*
Kiss my grits!!! Oh, wait. Wrong era.
It's a darn tootin good thing Rick's parents got him all edumacated up!
Perry is just putting us on. Of course he knows the whole "Jeremy" thing is a goof. I mean, give the guy credit. He did, after all, graduate from Texas A & M.
You ever hear the one about the two Aggies and the camel? I am sure that Rick was the one at the back end of the camel.
"Greed makes you work hard" is…
a) The new sign posted over the entrance to Perry's hunting camp.
b) The new sign posted over the entrance to FEMA interment camps.
c) The best Republican campaign slogan ever.
arbeit macht frei
I'm going with C.
2011: Greed makes you work hard.
1940: Arbeit macht frei.
d) All of the above.
Jeeze, it's "all of the, Katie."
I am so ashamed.
"Gecko is welcome?"
Dear Gov. Perry;
I am being relative of former deposed Prince of Nigeria, who have left behind large campaign donation…
I got one of those from an ex-Qaddafi aide yesterday — spam scam ripped from the headlines!
Oh shit! That was spam?
Seemed on the up-and-up to me.
I hear he also has a certain birth certificate.
Rick's favorite extracurricular activity at A&M was Snipe Hunt.
I thought it was S&M.
So that is his excuse for hiding in the men's locker room.
I think Ricky is still looking for that metric crescent wrench and glo-rope from his days in the Boy Scouts.
He wrote his Animal Husbandry thesis on domesticating the Wild Haggis.
Snipe is an anagram for penis. just sayin'
Not putting farm animals in the Dean's office? I call shenanigans.
I call bullshit. There is no fucking way Rick Perry has a son, unless by "son" he means "My 17-year-old Justin Beiber lookalike boytoy."
"This is my youthful ward, Dick Grayson…."
"He is not sure if the quote can be “proved up,”
Not being able to "prove up" sure didn't stop other Texan from fucking shit up before, did it?
Needs more hydrocodone and room temp merlot.
Don't we all?
Dinner is served!
Sounds like the Polanski Special.
so what we're saying is that rick perry's son is as gullible as everybody else's shrieking wingnut uncle?
It's true you know. Thanks to Wall Street greed, a lot of families are working extra shifts to make ends meet.
Is it bad that I kind of agree with the satire? I mean, how can a person get any real drinking done if they have to get up that early?
Multi-flasking, son. Multi-flasking.
Hell, I'm up at 5:12 am everyday…
well, with my limited (and unpleasant) exposure to CBOT asshats i would have to say you kill the hangover with blow.
but the kids these days may have new methods.
Do what most i-Bankers do, and drink during your lunch break? Or a happy hour break before returning to the office?
I mean, seriously, whoop-dey-doo, entry-level kids in finance have 10 hour days because of hazing. They also have the sorts of jobs that don't really care if they drink during in between the work day, and they have catered office dinners when they stay late, and they make considerably more than plenty of the rest of us do while also working 50-60 hour weeks, even with time-and-a-half, despite creating virtually no value.
Yeah, cry me a fucking river.
"Greed makes my dork hard"
A Republican Texas evangelical governor who can't distinguish fact from fiction or reality from make believe…Who woulda thunk?
Looks like Perry's son inherited his profound mental capabilities.
Oh well, the world will always need ditch diggers.
Lettuce all Tebow for Rick Perry.
~
Following the interview, Perry relaxed with some classic Halloween radio, then abruptly announced he was suspending his campaign:
"At a time like this, men and women of America, we must set aside our differences to unite against the Martians invading New Jersey."
Holy mother of God Jesus Fucking Christ on a bicycle, thats one stupid fucker. Whats he going to do next, quote the Wonkette post from this morning about going over to the elementary school to perform abortions and convert kids to gheys?
from your mouth to god's ear.
As long as he gives Dok-cupy an upfist.
Would Dok-cupy enjoy that? It always sounded kinda painful to me, but, to each his own is what I say.
It's OK – Rick has a lot of experience with upfisting. He knows how to do it right.
"My parents believed in the value of education. Yet they realized pretty early on that the best I could do was Texas A&M, and even that I would just barely squeak through. So, heh, fuck it. Mom and dad ain't always right."
But at least Rick Perry did not leave a note when he found a dildo in the bag that said “Get your freak on girl”…
…OR DID HE?????
That note was addressed to him.
Here's a bottle of syrup he can have as a consolation prize.
I swear when I saw that clip of him fondling that bottle of syrup, I expected him to snap the neck off the bottle and start chugging it there on the stage.
Holy fek, put them on camera and this character & Rep. Bachmann Crazy Overdrive are like those Hallmark birthday cards–they automatically repeat whatever the last person who talked to them was saying.
Besides, we all know that Jeremy's problem isn't that lazy; it's that Daddy didn't give attention, to the fact that Mommy didn't ca-are.
Daddy's a lazy middle class intellectual.
Mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual.
He's a harmless little fuck.
Now of course the chance of this happening are less than those of the Leafs winning the Stanley Cup, but still, you can't be too careful with so much at stake:
Perry handlers – if you're reading this – please, PLEASE make sure your boss never reads "A Modest Proposal".
But imagine the speech he could derive from doing so!
Fear not. His reading comprehension levels aren't high enough for Swift.
I don't know about this Rick Parry guy… seems about a sharp as a beach ball.
Is that a Foghorn Leghorn quote?
What did he EAT and DRINK??
Goddammit!!!! REPORT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Really. I am tired of the hypothosizing.
Burgers and fries,
what kind of pie
A la mode, if you will
Just come in to join the crowd
Cos I had some time to kill …
Perry then signed the execution order for satire. When confronted by the National Lawyer's Guild and ACLU about the fact that "satire" is a concept, not a person, Perry responded "[Satire] is very clever, and I'm a doer."
I once thought Rick Perry was an ass….not I see clearly that he's a complete dumbass!
Ok, leaving aside the fact that the article says "Satire" at the top. If you read that article and got past the first six words without realizing it was in jest, you are a fucking moron who is too stupid to run a bar softball team, much less the country. Sweet Jesus.
Right, but it's not like a fellah named Gallileo could ever prove up his claims either, amirite?
Spent too much time looking into that Indigo sky.
So, all them murder convictions might not have "proved up" either, still, thems was all criminals, and they prob'ly done something bad anyhow.
I would pay all I have to see this guy and Palin in the octagon for a death-match, both go in, only one comes out alive. Talk about a bitchfight.
My money's on the bitch.
Even better – neither comes out.
Wait, didn't Bristol get 'proved up' with Levi? Oh no, that was fucked up then knocked up. Nevermind.
It doesn't matter if it's not true — by the time every conservative radio and tv host has repeated it, and it gets into the church bulletin, and every parent has told their children how awful those lazy protesters are, it'll be as true as the fact that "under God" is in the original pledge of allegiance.
Or Rick Perry is not a dumbass.
Or Marcus Bachmann is not a complete total limp-wristed power-bottoming cock-gobbler.
Upfist for faaabulous comment!
can't wait to hear his thoughts on the euro debt crisis.
Imma sure liking dem there Grecians, 'cuz they make that proved up fancy hair formula I use to make mah hair all shiny and purdy. But I can't as fer sure admire 'em for selling that stinky feetah type crumbly cheese, or for dressing their army up in dem faggy short skirts and makin 'em faht with dem there spears, like was in that 300 movie.
This could be a thing, you know; setting increasingly ridiculous traps for the irony impaired among us.
I think I'll see if I can prominently post a convincing, sad story from the viewpoint of a woman who is getting an abortion because her lazy husband won't drive her to the hospital (all the way across town!) so she's walking herself two blocks to the abortion clinic instead, where ACORN hands out certificates for free abortions to anyone who wants them. Besides, the check-cashing place where she takes her welfare check is right next door.
And the Korean grocer around the corner will take food stamps and/or WIC card for beer, wine, and cigarettes.
And its right across from the crackhouse.
"where ACORN hands out certificates for free abortions"
Hey, I thought it was buy one, get one free. Is it just my age??
Don't forget to mention the lazy husband is a government worker and belongs to a union. And that if you're black, ACORN not only gives you unlimited free abortion vouchers, but even slips you a few extra bucks later when you show them the receipt.
As part of the stimulus package, money has been made available to subsidize vanpools through the local metro system, who rents vans from Enterprise and we federal employees get vouchers for travelling to work which we turn over to Enterprise. Reduces congestion, saves fuel, plus the building where I work has 2800 on staff and only 2000 parking spaces, so no fistfights in the parking lot and no federal $$$ spent building a parking garage. But of course the sensationalist local news team chose to broadcast their interview of the stupidest person involved they could find. This is getting the locals in an uproar, as you might well imagine. http://www.ksat.com/news/29642066/detail.html
Or a giant bag of weed/case of malt liquor. Dealer's choice.
Is this where I get my abortion validated?
Don't they also provide a pre-filled-out ballot for all the Democrats on the ticket?
Cue Admiral Akbar!
”I love eating me some
IrishMexican babies. Grilled, deep fried, in chili, fajitas, any way really. When they're about a year old is the best time to cook one up.” –Rick PerryI am with that. Such a modest proposal.
Can we just Vote next week?
Naw, the sadists want us to feel the pain.
Y'know, even Galileo got outvoted for a spell. Too bad he didn't live in Dade County.
not sure if the quote can be “proved up,” but hey, can anyone prove up what’s in the Bible?
Yeesh, semantics. If the copyists were accurate they'd have us believing Yahweh's right hand long since fell asleep from his firstborn sitting on it lo these many years. This may or may not 'prove up' anything beyond Jesus being a kind of sock puppet, but that's where I draw the line on fist jokes — someone else can take over from there.
The Stranger. starring God and Jesus Christ.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=st...
Not too hard to pull out of their sacred texts that even their malevolent, capricious god-man wasn't too happy with greed:
Proverbs 15:27
A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live.
While our favorite male cheerleader giggles like a 3rd grade girl about it.
just so long as we don't have to watch him shake his pom poms.
Not to mention the commandment in Exodus 20:17 (King James Version) telling him not to covet his neighbor's ass.
If rumors are to be believed.
Wait until he hears that Zombie Reagan is back in town.
Now I remember where I have seen this flaming shitkicker doofus before; he was in that Borat video, in the back of the bar, singing "Throw The Jew Down The Well."
That's him!
How foolish are all these right wingers. Like there is a "Toronto" "Canada".
Meh. Doesn't matter anymore. The boy's toast after his rambling New Hampshire speech.
He was much more interesting when he was plastered drunk. Last week, was it?
"Hi, I'm Darryl, and this is my other brother, Darryl, an' this is our town idiot brother, Rick.
Reagan proved made-up comments don't matter.
Wonder when these "Very Serious Devout Christians" will remember that greed is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, and Jesus Christ had a lot more to say about the evils of greed than he ever did about sex in any form.
Oh. Wait. Never.
Weepie Jeebie.
He's got His reasons.
You'd weep too if your Dad put you through such an incredible bunch of shit to save shitkickers like these who deserve instead to be last seen screaming "Yeehaw!" as their planet hurtles towards a supernova-stage sun.
Luckily, Andrew Schlaffly is rewriting the Bible to take out all those parts that liberals have misinterpreted as supporting helping the poor and condemning the rich, to show that Jesus really loved the Free Market.
He didn't give those loaves and fishes away for free! He created a 'Loaves 'N' Fishes' franchise. $$$! Also, no lepers or cripples or whatnot got cured unless their health insurance was paid up and they had the copay in cash.
That water into wine dealio? KA-CHING!
When asked what he thought about about Occupy Torontos' strategy and execution, Perry responded "I'm all for it."
My pitchfork calls dibs on the 350 lb beer fart to Perry's left.
"This is not the beginning of the end of this story, but it is about the middle of the beginning close to half-way to the end intermission, and the end of the beginning end, like when the gas gauge reads empty, but you know there's a gallon left in there," he said, to clarify. God bless Texas.
To be fair to Perry, when was the last time you think he actually read something all the way through?
Remember when Bush went on about his respect for Canadian Prime Minister Jean Poutine? At least Bush got ambushed with that stuff. These guys are working overtime to sound like idiots w/o any prodding needed
"And Sarah, Foreign Minister Johnny Hallyday sends his best regards. "
Rick's favorite book? Gullibles Travels.
Oh, yeah, wasn't that Jill Johnston's masterpiece about her so-very-very gay journey through 'Murka?
If the word 'SATIRE' in giant print at the very top of the article isn't enough to clue them in, what would it take?
The entire article printed in comic sans, with stills from the Three Stooges captioned 'Just Kidding!' and 'No, really, it's a joke!' sprinkled in every sentence or two?
Would that be enough?
Of course not, silly.
Today, we are all Jeremy, 38 years old.
We are all imaginary playmates?
Thank goodness. If this was my real life – yikes.
I call BS on this Republican "primary" thingy. I am now convinced the whole thing is being scripted by Stephen Colbert for a Comedy Central special. The Repukey gene pool can't really be this shallow.
"Blessed are the avaricious." – Republicans 11:1.
Reminds me of back in the day when right wing nutz' sites such as "Newsbusters" would read something in The Onion and then repeat it as fact.
Good times!
Rachel Maddow did that once when she quoted from I satire site called 'Christwire'. Difference is, Rachel corrected herself on the air the next day, with apologies.
That is one of many differences. Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity and Off-the-Mark Levin accept money from the Heritgage Foundation to promote that institution on the air.
It's impossible to tell the difference between their lame commentary, advertisements, infomercials, softball "interviews" with fellow employees, and paid-for-endorsements as commentary.
Perhaps the latest gold selling debacle (GoldLine, again) will help clear this mess up.
Why should they have a problem with quoting falsehoods? Their whole "economic program" is clearly false but its the center of their campaign.
Their corporate overlords have swiftly turned this line into a widely parroted talking point, as they have with all their other lies.
Holy shit, this fuckwad is dumber than me. At least I know when to simply shut the fuck up.
And you certainly know better than to take your hat off in the presence of woodpeckers. Unlike that peckerwood.
Every time he opens his piehole in front of a camera he buries his ignorant ass a little deeper.
Too bad the Republican base thinks stupidity is adorable.
I think Dubya caused the Indies to OD on stupid, at least for a while.
Yes they are.
And now I can't correct the inexplicable 'from I satire site'. WTF? Typing/Proofreading skill FAIL.
And, he'd know hard being a hard ass-worker, and all.
Greed is good, all the time.
And all the time, greed is good.
- Bear Sterns 3:16
Now we have CNS – just as funny without meaning to be. Basically, without meaning period. Also.
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