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We are a little weary of reading the 999 million reports about Herman Cain’s futile efforts to get his dementia-laden storylines about those sexual harassment allegations to line up, so let us escape together briefly, for laffs, in our queer solar-powered time machines back to when Herman Cain was losing his other attempt at political office, a Senate run in Georgia. Here is Herman Cain in this 2004 campaign ad awkwardly hovering in front of a cheap Microsoft Office template graphic as he shrewdly explains that he is a “believer” who will not allow godless activist judges to fulfill their plot to overthrow the United States theocracy, if that is in fact what they are plotting.

His counterattack plan is to add some of his trademark confusion to the Constitution by throwing in an amendment requiring citizens to admit they live in “One Nation Under God,” helpfully inserted right after the establishment clause, probably.

And here he is in another campaign ad of the same crappy style showing us the origins of his famously obnoxious “999” tax policy plan, which as we discover began its mentally-challenged life as a “two words that are actually six words” plan:

And that is all the time travel we have energy for, right now! But there are more of them. That creepy old Herman Cain, he sure is a smooth talker, if you don’t listen to any of the words he is saying. [YouTube thanks to Wonkette operative “Andrew K.”]

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