• May 27, 2012

Dweeb Right-Wing Bloggers Fall For Clearly Fake #OWS Parody

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson  10:16 am November 1, 2011

That Stephen Colbert, he is almost as funny as the Bill O'Reilly!The Internet has a very important question for us today: can whiny conservative bloggers even read? There at the top of this Globe and Mail article about Occupy Toronto lies the ominous word: SATIRE. Beneath it follows a series of mocking fictional quotes by protesters such as, “I have taken to doing the human mic as an act of conscientious citizenry. I went home to have dinner with my parents and when my mother would speak, I would repeat it so that my dad could hear at the other end of the table.” The right-wingers were supposed to have a quaint laugh about it, protesters are so silly!, but the humorless mongrel abyss of their dark little souls failed to detect the comic hyperbole and instead sent them to work pooping out furious reactions, which in turn we may now laugh at. The cycle completes itself! What did they have to say?

The particular quote among many that seized attention was this one, from one “Jeremy, 38″:

“It’s weird protesting on Bay Street. You get there at 9 a.m. and the rich bankers who you want to hurl insults at and change their worldview have been at work for two hours already. And then when it’s time to go, they’re still there. I guess that’s why they call them the one per cent. I mean, who wants to work those kinds of hours? That’s the power of greed.”

And thus behold, from Mediate:

The “I Am The 53%” Facebook page posted the quote on Saturday and set off a string of comments that eventually led to people debating if morbidly obese people should get disability. Chris Future from FreedomBunker.com tore into Jeremy in a two-and-a-half minute video, based on the quote that he saw on Google+. Harris Kupperman from AdventuresInCapitalism.com passed it off to his readers as an “actual quote.” And Rob Port of the Say Anything Blog tagged poor Jeremy under “a**hats,” saying that, “Nothing undermines their own positions and philosophies so thoroughly as what they actually do and say.”

Check your sources, kids! That one extra click on the original article does not cost extra! “To be fair,” reading the entire story doesn’t seem to have made much of a difference for the nutjobs who did, via TPM:

The blog The American Spectator had a post titled “Self Parody Alert: Occupy Toronto Doesn’t Get It” by J.P. Freire, who wrote: “Those perceptive Canadians notice that a disparity of income isn’t the only thing that separates protesters from the so-called one percent.” In an “Update, five minutes later,” Freire qualifies the quote: “Is this a parody? Maybe? In which case, I solicit our readers to offer quotes that are just as wacky but true.”

IS IT PARODY? MAYBE? Like we said, “satire” is the first word that appears at the top of the article. Hurrrey for illiteralcy! [TPM/Mediaite]

{ 221 comments }

Barb November 1, 2011 at 10:19 am

The right-wingers need to occupy reality for a while.

valgal2342 November 1, 2011 at 10:26 am

and perhaps learn to read.

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 10:32 am

Reading is a sign that one is a librul leetist!

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Bet yo' ass!

GeorgiaBurning November 1, 2011 at 10:44 am

Reality hasn't always been kind to me, but it doesn't deserve that fate.

McRibzgood November 1, 2011 at 10:48 am

ECHO CHAMBER LIBEL!!!!

MozakiBlocks November 1, 2011 at 11:03 am

Reality has a librul bias.

BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:29 am

No way. You know we'd never get the pool clean again once we let "those people" use it.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 3:17 pm

The gene pool? Too late. The seven billionth one just popped last week.

Fare la Volpe November 1, 2011 at 12:02 pm

But reality is so scaaaaaary, Mama!

Schmannnity November 1, 2011 at 10:21 am

Satire?? I don't want to have anything to do with Satan or his minions.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:29 am

Satyr? I don't think I'm any hornier than the average American.

Schmannnity November 1, 2011 at 10:30 am

English be hard.

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2011 at 11:11 am

I'm satyr but not wiser myself.

Not_So_Much November 1, 2011 at 11:13 am

That's the half-man/half-horse thingy, right?

BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:30 am

Those old goats only wish they were half horse.

102415 November 1, 2011 at 3:57 pm

That reminds me, do we know the size of Herman's dick yet? Did his wife have to wear the blue suit of shame? Does he hang out with Clarence and Ginni? Oh, off topic, sorry.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2011 at 11:25 am

Well how about Jean Paul Sartre, then? Every thing he wrote was satire, right?

BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:31 am

Especially his IOUs. Hilarious!

NewtsUndies November 1, 2011 at 1:40 pm

What do you liberals have against onions?

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I call on you to renounce Stan and all his works!

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Do I have to renounce You, Becky, Becky, Becky, too?

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 8:57 pm

"I call on you to renounce Stan"

OK, but I'll never renounce Satin
*flamboyant gesture*
He's just too fabulous!

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 10:21 am

Anyone who thinks a banker (other than a teller) is at work at 7 AM is using better drugs than I have ever. That one quote should have been enough if your IQ was above room temp.

Schmannnity November 1, 2011 at 10:22 am

John Corzine and the MF traders will be coming in late today.

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Not late enough for those who lost millions . . .

BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:31 am

There are some who are there that early, but they are the ones who leave at 3 or earlier.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 3:19 pm

When I was a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed young sprog, "bankers' hours," in the common parlance, meant from around 10 am to 4 pm. So, yeah, your slacker-than-average slacker.

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Me too, but I hate to contribute to the image I suspect other Wonketteers have of me pushing a walker along muttering "Get these bankers off my lawn!"

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Oh, good, I'm not the oldest fart out here.

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 10:22 am

In fairness, people may have failed to realize it was parody because it wasn't funny. But then, these are wingnut commenters so they are also incredibly stupid.

ManchuCandidate November 1, 2011 at 10:31 am

Goes to show that not all us Canada City dwellers are funny (but it is the Globe… the paper of the 1%.)

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 10:59 am

But I thought all Canadians were hilarious, like that Mike Myers! I mean the way he keeps trying to chop up Jamie Lee Curtis is just hilarious.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2011 at 11:29 am

Howabout Lorne Greene vs. William Shatner in a cage fight. Who's your pick?

BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:37 am

In what era of their respective careers? Bonanza Lorne Green? Battlestar Galactica Lorne Green? Early Kirk Shatner? TJ Hooker "this girdle is too tight" Shatner? Drunk off his ass Comedy Central Roast Shatner?

Assuming we pick them both at their relative peak I see it as Greene with a clear reach and height advantage, if it stays on their feet, but Shatner showed himself to be quite a grappler in all those episodes he had to wrestle Spock or fight off a crazed Sulu or disarm a Romulan. So when it goes to the ground, Shatner has an edge. Unless he insists on wearing one of those toupees – then he'll spend the whole time trying to keep his hair on, and Greene wins in an easy match.

Chichikovovich November 1, 2011 at 11:27 am

Ah, the Globe and Mail. I've hated it since I was a p'ti-gar and we'd visit my grandfather, who subscribed to only that newspaper. It only carried five or six comic strips, and they all sucked: Blondie, Rex Morgan, Mary Worth… Clearly this "parody" article conforms to their traditional standards of humour.

But it was good for keeping track of what the rich were doing. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen Roy Thomson flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and….

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Did your grandpa wear an onion on his belt?

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2011 at 11:12 am

It's amazing what you can get away with if you play to the narcissism of your mark.

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 5:37 pm

You cannot con an honest man . . . .

LabRodent November 1, 2011 at 10:22 am

Fucking Morans.

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:22 am

You know, a conservative trying to be funny is like a mule with a spinning wheel; he doesn't know how to go about it, and damned if his readers will understand it.

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 10:26 am

Heh heh, mule.

FNMA November 1, 2011 at 10:50 am

MONORAIL!

McRibzgood November 1, 2011 at 10:50 am

I've sold conservative comedy to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum it put them on the Fox News!

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:58 am

I could explain the joke, Lisa, but then the only two people in the room who understand it will be you and me, including your teacher.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:59 am

Thanks for clearing that up.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2011 at 11:33 am

"Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all."

- Saml. Johnson

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:22 am

These are the people who take The Onion and Steven Colbert seriously.

Chillwaver November 1, 2011 at 10:34 am

"Shhhut up!"

– My Wingnut brother-in-law after I told him that Colbert is just playing a conservative character.

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:40 am

That chick's messing with our minds, man.

AnAmericanInTO November 1, 2011 at 12:28 pm

For some reason, I read that in Homer Simpson's voice. Is your brother in law, Homer Simpson?

Is he less likable,? Then Peter Griffin.

A total douche? Eric Cartman.

Chillwaver November 1, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I was thinking more like Stan's sister Shelly from South Park.

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 10:44 am
BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:41 am

Well, I'd say the amazing sales numbers were signs of a pact with the devil, but other than that, not so much.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 1, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Getting Snopes to cover my trail was one of my more brilliant moves, if I do say so myself.

Nostrildamus November 1, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Gosh, of all the demons around these days, you're the demoniest!

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 3:22 pm

And you do!

MrFizzy November 1, 2011 at 10:58 am

Yeah, so?

HempDogbane November 1, 2011 at 10:26 am

It was a trick. If it said "Satire Humor" they would have been in on the joke.

El Pinche November 1, 2011 at 10:29 am

Stupid dickholes.

Crank_Tango November 1, 2011 at 10:29 am

Satire? Needs Moar Bullit Holz!

Come here a minute November 1, 2011 at 10:29 am

American Spectator tagged their own article "self-parody alert", so they are satirizing their own stupidity? Maybe? Beuller?

SexySmurf November 1, 2011 at 10:29 am

How do you expect wingtards to know it's a satire if it doesn't include any jokes about Obama getting shot in his head?

AnAmericanInTO November 1, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Or if it doesn't include, "Git 'er done!" at the end.

kissawookiee November 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Please, "Obama shot in the head" is simply a light-hearted visual jape any child can understand, in the vein of "dog wearing a birthday hat" or "nanny pushing a tram containing a clawed, pig-headed demon child." Satire is deep and impenetrable by the wingtard brain without obvious clues like "this is really not real, despite reflecting your own preconceived notions and prejudices so precisely that you cannot perceive it as anything but reality." Satire generally exceeds the wingtard syllable-processing limit, also, too.

Chillwaver November 1, 2011 at 10:30 am

Homeschooling is the gift that keeps on giving.

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 10:30 am

Nothing undermines their own positions and philosophies so thoroughly as what they actually do and say

This quote applies quite nicely to the "Conservative Blogger community".

bikerlaureate November 1, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Props. The projection, it never ends…

Then again family values, personal responsibility and the pro-life movement never have been filtered with any consistency through Jesus' straightforward teachings.

Indiepalin November 1, 2011 at 10:31 am

The least we could do is buy one of Dave's fucking T-shirts.

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 11:05 am

I got one of Jesse's.

DaRooster November 1, 2011 at 11:41 am

Yep, Jesse's are below cost…
(Capitalism Fail)

Rosie_Scenario November 1, 2011 at 10:31 am

"The top story tonight. THE TOP STORY TONIGHT." Stupid 'baggers aren't hard of hearing, they are hard of thinking.

OneYieldRegular November 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Was I talking too fast, or are your ears just slow?

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 10:31 am

This outrages me so much that I am going to drive my Prius down to the elementary school where I will perform a bunch of abortions and recruit young people to become gay.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:35 am

Don't forget to pass out the Korans.

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 10:36 am

And then I will go home and collect my Welfare check and spend it on crack.

Andrew Drinker November 1, 2011 at 10:58 am

Don't spend it all on crack! There's always plenty of lobster and steak to buy!

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 3:24 pm

The dissonance between the two widely bifurcated positions you just espoused is inaudible to them.

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:07 pm

In order to have cognitive dissonance, you have to have cognition.

Andrew Drinker November 1, 2011 at 10:42 am

There was no mention of Paganism in your comment.

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 10:47 am

Damn, and I forgot to mention my plan to use a Dremel tool to grind "In God We Trust" off of all my coins. And then I'm going to go and prevent a Bible-believing Christian from winning the Republican primary.

flamingpdog November 1, 2011 at 11:42 am

You, sir, are obviously NOT one of the job creators!!1!

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:45 am

Don't forget to leave time in your schedule to oppress white christian males!

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 10:56 am

ghod know we need it.

DaRooster November 1, 2011 at 11:40 am

I think you mean Jihad?

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Worst typo ever.

Guppy November 1, 2011 at 11:07 am

Only the public elementary school. The power of Jesus will drive you away from the private ones.

natoslug November 1, 2011 at 11:32 am

Don't forget your punch-card. I've saved a bundle since I started getting that eleventh abortion free — almost enough to double my rohypnol and ketamine budget!

BerkeleyBear November 1, 2011 at 11:43 am

Make sure the school is only teaching the Godless approved curriculum.

And if you see anyone praying, for fuck's sake stop them!

Callyson November 1, 2011 at 1:27 pm

And promote socializm. Don''t forget the socializm.

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:08 pm

I'm going to have MY abortion performed by a lesbian under an endangered tree on an Indian reservation.
*smug*

ManchuCandidate November 1, 2011 at 10:32 am

Of course the wingnuts didn't find it funny. Nary a racist, homophobic or sexist comment.

bureaucrap November 1, 2011 at 10:33 am

Exactly — "satire humor" is wingnut for "overt racism" if someone calls them on it. Since there wasn't any racism in the piece, they took it at face value.

Pragmatist2 November 1, 2011 at 10:32 am

"Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time." – A.E. Houseman

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:42 am

Mithridates, he died old.

MrFizzy November 1, 2011 at 10:32 am

"Ham" Rove is the conservative poster child for sense of humor and irony.

An_Outhouse November 1, 2011 at 10:32 am

Rightard response: It isn't a parody if its true.

LabRodent November 1, 2011 at 10:33 am

Does Satire have a Liberal bias?

neiltheblaze November 1, 2011 at 10:50 am

Yes – as does reading comprehension.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 1, 2011 at 10:33 am

Tricksy Lieberal Media!

How dare it fool earnest wingnuts by saying a thing when it means the opposite thing.

NOT FAIR!
~

LesBontemps November 1, 2011 at 10:33 am

I keep saying that these are the people who killed satire and parody in a gruesome double murder, yet no one is bringing them to justice! Where are the comedy police????!!!?!?11?

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:37 am

Well, according to Tom Lehrer (PBUH), satire has been dead since they awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to Henry Kissinger, almost 40 years ago now…

paris biltong November 1, 2011 at 10:47 am

It's hard to satirize something that is already a parody of itself, and that includes pieces in the mainstream press under some heading that announces "this is a joke". Thank god we still have snark for relief.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Lehrer's still alive, far as I know. But PBUH anywho.

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 10:49 am

I believe they disbanded after their abject failure to keep Monty Python sketches from being altogether too silly.

samsuncle November 1, 2011 at 10:36 am

Snark off. There is a vast difference between "us" and "them" that goes way beyond mere political idiology.

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:43 am

Sentience?

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 11:07 am

Most of us quit bedwetting much earlier in life?

Fare la Volpe November 1, 2011 at 11:58 am

We don't see the world as a collection of dollar signs and Jesus tokens?

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Relative size of lizard brain, amirite?

EatsBabyDingos November 1, 2011 at 10:37 am

Ahh, the left reminding us that parodies are like Dungeons and Dragons: "D & D"

Dumb and Dumberer, too, also.

Guppy November 1, 2011 at 11:08 am

Parodies never get anyone laid?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 1, 2011 at 12:15 pm

A pair of D's usually works quite well.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Only on the right person, Biely.

McRibzgood November 1, 2011 at 10:37 am

What do you expect from people who think Rush Limburger and Glen "Bat Shit Crazy" Beck are "Funny" and "intelligent".

(No snark about the intelligent thing) I have 7X the education, probably 700,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000X the funny, than they have combined.

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:43 am

And one billion times the humility!

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Your estimates seem far too low.

(You have a lot of funny.)

x111e7thst November 1, 2011 at 10:38 am

To be fair "satire" is the sort of long hard word that can easily be misunderestimated.

starfanglednut November 1, 2011 at 11:23 am

Syllables are hard.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I see what you did there. Now Spanky and the Gang are gonna be sweating and writhing for an hour, working out all that long 'n hard.

weejee November 1, 2011 at 10:39 am

In Uncle Milty's words "ya gotta lap 'em."

shot of overly stiff banker babbling to bored Princess Coulter
switch to shot of cream pie on banquet table
pan to shot of smirking hippie
follow hippie walking to banquet table
back to banker – bored Princess Coulter at right edge of shot
back to smirking hippie who picks up the pie
back to babbling banker – some commotion just off to right of frame
pan to Princess Coulter wiping cream pie from her face.

gotta put the joke right in their lap

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:16 pm

???
You left out the part where the banker calls the cops, who cuff the hippie's hands behind his back, then tase him.

widestanceshakedown November 1, 2011 at 10:42 am

Guess they thought 'Satire' was the author's name, and some had inklings he might be some kind of French philosopher.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:43 am

"Satire? You mean William Satire, that commie pinko columnist for that commie pinko Jew York Times fer all them years? That Satire?"

LesBontemps November 1, 2011 at 10:49 am

No no, Jean-Paul Satire, that Frenchy guy.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:53 am

See my response to weejee below…

McRibzgood November 1, 2011 at 10:56 am

Troubled Sleep was fucking hilarious!!!!

prommie November 1, 2011 at 10:59 am

You mean Simone Bovine's lover?

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:17 pm

The only Satire they've ever heard of is the Kingfish's wife on Amos 'n' Andy.

kingcocrazy November 1, 2011 at 10:44 am

Satire is lost on extremists of any stripe. If you suspect someone you know has retreated to the far right (or left) fringe, check them for a sense of humor. If it's absent, they are a goner.

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:18 pm

"If it's absent, they are a goner."

But are they a goer? Eh?
*nudge nudge*
*wink wink*
Know what I mean?
Say no more!

Mumbletypeg November 1, 2011 at 10:45 am

On wonkette, every day is Satire-day.

weejee November 1, 2011 at 10:49 am

Just following the metalfizzuhcal lead of our philosopher idol Jean Paul Satire.

Commitment is an act, not a word.

Ergo, these Teatarded fundits should be committed.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 10:52 am

My favorite quote by that guy was "Hell is conservative people."

DerrickWildcat November 1, 2011 at 10:45 am

They go the the Drudge Report to fact check.

chicken_thief November 1, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Seems like they are pretty comfortable with the "I don't have any data to support this, but…." school of thought.

dennis1943 November 1, 2011 at 10:45 am

An interesting book i once read asserted that the aboriginals in a previously uncontacted tribe only hunted/gathered 8 hours a WEEK! The tribe had come to understand the implications of environmental stewardship………a lesson Wall Street needs to learn………

chicken_thief November 1, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Is that the tribe that discovered the wonders of peyote?

kissawookiee November 1, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I am an archaeologist by trade. Hunter-gatherers were the biggest slackers ever, enjoying life, then some asshole had to go discover farming and fucked up everything for everyone, forever.

doloras November 1, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Perhaps not that far, but hunter-gatherers are known to be able to hunt and gather enough for their needs in about four or five hours a day. The rest of the day is made up with telling stories, sunbathing, avoiding tigers and having sex.

They call that "primitive communism".

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 8:01 pm

That's why the Brits called 'em "red Indians"

ThundercatHo November 1, 2011 at 10:48 am

What do you expect? They probably don't read warning labels on their Oxycontin Rxs and ingredients labels on the crap they feed their kids either.

chascates November 1, 2011 at 10:49 am

I invite other former members of George Bush's administration to offer quotes about Saddam Hussein that are just as wacky but true.

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 10:49 am

It's not their fault; they were fooled by theat darned schatzker that wrote it.

Schwartzers, Schatzkers. They all look alike.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I absolutely REFUSE to resemble that remark.

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 10:50 am

Poe's Law strikes yet again.

See also http://www.poeslaw.com/

And then there's Conservapedia's take on it, which is clearly an example of Poe's Corollary….or…um. . . maybe not?

Indiepalin November 1, 2011 at 10:56 am

Actually, it's an example of Testicle's Deviate to Fudd's Law.

McRibzgood November 1, 2011 at 11:04 am

"Generally speaking, leading evolutionists generally no longer debate creation scientists because creation scientists tend to win the debates."

I didn't know saying "where did that come from…Then where DID THAT come from….Well where did THAT come from" ad nauseum, like my 6 year old, constituted "winning".

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 11:06 am

"Primates descend from trees, primates walk upright. How do you explain that?"

Redhead November 1, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Ooooh, so what you're saying is that it's VERY possible that Cain, Palin, Bachmann, et al are just the right's version of Stephen Colbert refusing to come out of character?

GunToting[Redacted] November 1, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I prefer Cole's Law.

freakishlywrong November 1, 2011 at 10:53 am

No. Our children isn't learning.

neiltheblaze November 1, 2011 at 10:54 am

More proof if more were needed that conservatives are the most thick-headed people on the planet.

If conservatives had constantly ruled the world since the dawn of man, we'd still be living in caves.

chicken_thief November 1, 2011 at 12:31 pm

But we'd still have guns and freedumz!!!

HistoriCat November 1, 2011 at 12:34 pm

If conservatives had constantly ruled the world since the dawn of man, we'd still be living in caves.

Well, 1% of us would be living in caves. The rest of us might be allowed to come into the caves to cook or clean but we would have to get out before the evening meal was eaten.

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:24 pm

And the dumbasses would be chiseling into a rock how they are the 53%.

fuflans November 1, 2011 at 10:59 am

canadians. who can explain it?

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 11:08 am

Their government must be putting floride in the water and something crazy in their poutine.

LesBontemps November 1, 2011 at 11:43 am

something crazy in their poutine.

Redundant.

iburl November 1, 2011 at 11:01 am

Right Winger's Dictionary:
Satire: A picture of Obama with a bullet hole in his head.
Irony: A picture of Obama eating a watermelon.
Slapstick: Curb-stomping an Obama Supporter.
Farce: A picture of Michele Obama as a chimp.

JustPixelz November 1, 2011 at 11:16 am

Satire : an all-weather radial re-used as a chair
Irony : how rusty water tastes
Slapstick : sadly underused corporeal punishment device
Farce : mysterious power uniting the GOP; e.g. "may the farce be with you"
Dictionary : book of dicks for fapping when rentboys are unavailable

BigDumbRedDog November 1, 2011 at 11:05 am

This just in: Stupid Teabaggers are Stupid!

BZ1 November 1, 2011 at 11:06 am

Obviously, people don't know that the Globe and Mail is entirely a satirical piece, not to be taken seriously, especially since they sold their souls as lapdogs for the Canjan version of the Teabag Party …

JustPixelz November 1, 2011 at 11:11 am

If the TP'ers and wingers are that gullible, I wonder what they "think" of wonkette and its brilliant commentariat.

CapnFatback November 1, 2011 at 11:29 am

Well, if the Trig meltdown was any indication, they think that we're not fit to consume Papa John's pizza.

Of course, I would argue that if you consume Pap John's pizza, you are not fit.

Mumbly_Occupado November 1, 2011 at 11:33 am

And to be fair, Papa "at least we're better than Godfather's" John's isn't really fit to be considered pizza.

CapnFatback November 1, 2011 at 11:57 am

Alas! That missing "A" from "Papa" will prove to be my scarlet un-letter, eternally not emblazoned upon the Interwebs.

fuflans November 1, 2011 at 11:12 am

The “I Am The 53%” Facebook page posted the quote on Saturday and set off a string of comments that eventually led to people debating if morbidly obese people should get disability.

from what i know of the 53% gang, they shouldn't be throwing those 'morbidly obsese' stones…

SorosBot November 1, 2011 at 11:15 am

Wasn't it started by Erik "size of 747" Erikson?

Guppy November 1, 2011 at 11:46 am

On the contrary, stone-throwing would be some badly-needed physical activity.

chicken_thief November 1, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I'd pay a reasonable fee for tickets just to watch them battle to fend off the head rush they'd get just from bending over to pick up the stones. I would be that NFL "I'm ok with a concussion" lineman times a thousand or so.

DaRooster November 1, 2011 at 11:18 am

"Like we said, “satire” is the first word that appears at the top of the article."

Well, y'all know how short our attention span… SQUIRREL!!

smitallica November 1, 2011 at 11:20 am

This reminds me of the time all those righties freaked out because someone had the audacity to try to cash in on 9-11 by naming the second Lord of the Rings movie "The Two Towers," a title most literate people have had on their bookshelves since 1954.

In short, rightwingers get upset about things because they are fucking idiots.

GunToting[Redacted] November 1, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Wait, this happened?

smitallica November 1, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Hell yes it did. Most of the protest sites have been taken down. But here's one that mentions it at the time:
http://www.michaelhanscom.com/eclecticism/2002/10...

comrad_darkness November 1, 2011 at 2:11 pm

My favorite is still the classic, ZOMG, Obama has created a flag with an O, he's running a cult to take over Amerikkkas! ZOMG. Help us! (When it was the state flag of Ohio he was photographed in front of)

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:28 pm

"rightwingers get upset about things because they are fucking idiots"

And let's not forget their huge, unearned persecution complex!

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 11:31 am

Is there nothing more interesting happening than this?

Chichikovovich November 1, 2011 at 11:40 am

Not in Canada, no.

Billmatic November 1, 2011 at 11:34 am

Why do people who are not the 1% or even really the 20% still hold on to this self-loathing concept that Capitalism is a meritocracy that rewards the brilliant and hard working?

I mean it would necessarily follow that if they aren't rich then they are stupid and lazy but they never follow the logic to it's inevitable conclusion.

CapnFatback November 1, 2011 at 11:38 am

It's far more fun to follow the logic into a maze of self-denial, KFC Double Downs, and semi-automatic weaponry.

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Mmm…. DoubleDowns.

Billmatic November 1, 2011 at 11:57 am

*its, the internets makes you stupid.

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 9:32 pm

"hold on to this self-loathing concept that Capitalism is a meritocracy"

Because they see their friends…
OK, start over…
Because they see their family members and neighbors discarded by the companies that they've worked hard for, for many years, for no apparent reason, and it scares the pee out of them (and rightly so), so they flail about for a rationalization, any rationalization.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 11:41 am

OT of this Canadian bullshit, finally I'm getting an answer on one of the things I keep harping on here, and I'm liking it. The House is take-able…
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2011/10/31/dems-pois...

…and the Senate can be strengthened…
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/...

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 1:21 pm

And they'll still let the GOP define the narrative.

Chet Kincaid November 1, 2011 at 1:41 pm

What are you going to do about it?

GFPcat November 1, 2011 at 11:48 am

For these humorless dim bulbs, if it doesn't appear in Readers Digest's "Laughter Is the Best Medicine" then it's not humor.

ifthethunderdontgetya November 1, 2011 at 11:51 am

O.K. Chet has the happy news. I'm here to give equal time to Doom and Gloom.

Our Congress is busy trying to figure out how to cut Social Security (without losing their jobs…latest gimmick "to reassure the markets".)
~

chicken_thief November 1, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Aren't the markets at pre-crash levels?! We've slashed taxes for the jerb creators for 30 yrs to get to 9% unemployment, lowered interest rates to the point that banks are better off sitting on capital than lending it, and now we want to help the bustling markets?

Blueb4sunrise November 1, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Also from the weekend Globe and Mail :

Why do men’s overcoats have only one inside pocket?

The answer WILL STARTLE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/fashion-and-b...

DahBoner November 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Psst!!!

‘The mice are feet down.’….

DahBoner November 1, 2011 at 12:25 pm

"The second you stuff a bag of chips and an iPhone into such a pocket…"

Now are we talking "chips" as in Fish N' Chips?

Yes, those could get messy. See why they only give blokes like that one pocket….

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I like how their sports section (which covers hockey and little else) is called "Sport."

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Well, they only have the one. Austerity measures and all.

DahBoner November 1, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I guess that’s why they call them the one per cent. I mean, who wants to work those kinds of hours?

Yeah, being unemployed has much better hours!

Asshole….

donner_froh November 1, 2011 at 12:41 pm

From "Power Line": In an update, Hinderaker clarified that the quote was fake, but still maintained that his larger point was correct: “Upon further review, prompted by my wife, I think the quotes attributed to occupiers at the linked site are jokes. Pretty funny ones, too. The point, I think, remains valid.”

The point is that you are stupid asshole and feel a need to prove it to whoever reads your crap.

bikerlaureate November 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Hinderaker doesn't have the facts to back this up, but he happens to believe that the occupiers are the spawn of Satan.

poncho_pilot November 1, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Glen: How many Polacks it take to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen. One?
Glen: Nope, it takes three.
[Glen laughs. H.I. doesn't]
Glen: Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over: How come it takes three Polacks to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen.
Glen: 'Cause they're so darn stupid!
[Glen laughs again. H.I. doesn't]
Glen: Shit, man, loosen up! Don't ya get it?
H.I.: No, Glen, I sure don't.
Glen: Shit, man, think about it! I guess it's what they call a "way homer."
H.I.: Why's that?
Glen: 'Cause you only get it on the way home.
H.I.: I'm already home, Glen.

ttommyunger November 1, 2011 at 7:52 pm

"Work's what always kept us together."

Redhead November 1, 2011 at 12:57 pm

You expect people who not only vote against but actively campaign against their own best interests – to the point of suggesting/threatening/inciting violence – and who get upset when DC doesn't provide enough subways to accommodate their Hoverounds during their protests against federal taxes/spending to actually know the definition of "satire?"

One_who_wanders November 1, 2011 at 12:59 pm

BoA Debit card fee what debit card fee?
http://www.baltimoresun.com/business/consuming-in...

“We have listened to our customers very closely over the last few weeks and recognize their concern with our proposed debit usage fee,” said David Darnell, co-chief operating officer. “Our customers’ voices are most important to us. As a result, we are not currently charging the fee and will not be moving forward with any additional plans to do so.”

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Oh, OK, then. Go home, everyone! No more worries about economic justice!

proudgrampa November 1, 2011 at 1:14 pm

What?

Oblios_Cap November 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Canadian wingers are trying to <a href ="http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/cdn-senator-request-no-more-beaver-prompts-country-130430739.html"> say no to Beavers!

Midway117 November 1, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Re: the photo. I really hate it when I see a Lamers Bus on the road because all I hear then is Tom Servo and Crow saying "Laaamers!" and that is not safe.

UnholyMoses November 1, 2011 at 1:43 pm

The dumb is strong with these people.

I mean, they really do possess a weapons-grade stupid that should be banned by something akin to the Geneva Conventions. Or something. I don't care what. Just do whatever it takes to stop the stupid from spreading like some virus that turns everyone into zombies … which wouldn't happen to conservatives since they lack BRANES! But still …

OneYieldRegular November 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Q: How many extremists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny.

emmelemm November 1, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I've never heard that one before, and it made me laugh. Many thanks.

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Back when I was a yoof, the troglodytes used to tell a version aimed at feminists.

Dok-cupy Everything November 1, 2011 at 2:48 pm

"No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up."–Lily Tomlin

Herring_Burnit November 1, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Dear god in heaven, why isn't literacy a litmus test for journalistic employment? What's that you say, imaginary friend? They're not journalists, they're pundits? Well, all RIGHTY, then!

(blows brains out in despair)

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Humor. Literacy. Conservatives.

♩♫ "One of these things is not like the others…" ♩♫

RavenRant November 1, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Geez. Take it easy on 'em. The article didn't have "Get it? Hennngghh? Get it!?!" between every quote.

glamourdammerung November 1, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Since there was not a mention of rape, racism, or violent murder, there was not anything a conservative "mind" could interpret as a "punchline".

JoeHoya November 1, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Is it a parody? Is global warming real? Does the moon cause the tides? Who knows?!?

ttommyunger November 1, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Satire comes in, satire goes out, ALWAYS a miscommunication.

tessiee November 1, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Wait… So is "satire" or "parody" the one with gunshot wounds to the head?

Negropolis November 2, 2011 at 2:18 am

Us US Americans don't get subtle Canadian humor, eh?

DaRooster November 1, 2011 at 1:25 pm

But your comment makes up for it…

Geminisunmars November 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

And the winner is Denny Crane!

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