Hmmm, so what has corrupt old coot Jon Corzine been doing with his time since New Jersey dumped his ass for sexy younger wife Chris Christie? Oh, you know, the former Goldman Sachs CEO just wanted to sorta work his way back into the old Wall Street swing of things. Mission accomplished! Which means, obviously, that he has “misplaced” (buried? incinerated?) hundreds of millions of dollars of other peoples’ money after bankrupting his behemoth brokerage firm MF Global in another one of these insane high-risk bond-trading scheme death spirals. Check out this hot mess:
Federal regulators have discovered that hundreds of millions of dollars in customer money have gone missing from MF Global in recent days, prompting an investigation into the company’s operations as it filed for bankruptcy on Monday, according to several people briefed on the matter.
The revelation of the missing money scuttled an 11th hour deal for MF Global to sell a major part of itself to a rival brokerage firm. MF Global, the powerhouse commodities brokerage run by Jon S. Corzine, had staked its survival on completing the deal.
Now, the investigation threatens to tarnish the reputation of Mr. Corzine, the former New Jersey Governor and Goldman Sachs chief who oversaw MF Global’s demise, making it the first American victim of Europe’s debt crisis.
He did wisely manage to find $500,000 in donations for Barack Obama’s re-election campaign, however, so this “investigation” will happily turn up tulips and roses for Jon Corzine, the end. [Deal Book via Wonkette operative "real dc native"]
{ 66 comments }
making it the first American victim of Europe’s debt crisis.
I would think losing all of your own firm's money would be a bigger issue than Europe's "debt crisis".
…investigation threatens to tarnish the reputation of Mr. Corzine.
You mean there was a spot on that turd that was not already tarnished? Was it the taint? I'll give you one guess what MF stands for.
That Jabba the Hutt looked like a better choice for governor tells you how much of an asshole Corzine is.
Mighty Fine?
Massive Fisting
Mulatto Fellatio?
Multitudinous Felching?
The 1%?
Mallard Fillmore?
monetary fugazi?
Doh… MF = Missing Funds.
Multi(ne)farious
Misappropriating Fuck-head?
Milton Friedman?
Morally fishy?
Millions in Flames?
Merkin Face?
Never would have seen this one coming…
Oh well…back through the old revolving door…
rotating through the old back door?
Wrong governor.
It is still unclear where the money went. At first, as much as $950 million was believed to be missing, but as the firm sorted through its bankruptcy, that figure fell to less than $700 million by late Monday, the people briefed on the matter said. Additional funds are expected to trickle in over the coming days.
Giving a whole new meaning to "trickle down economics."
In any case, what led to the unaccounted-for cash could violate a tenet of Wall Street regulation: Customers’ funds must be kept separate from company money. One of the basic duties of any brokerage firm is to keep track of customer accounts on a daily basis.
Meh–tracking accounts is for little people.
Mother Fucking Global in da House!
WOOP-WOOP (Baconz doing that raise the roof thing with his hands)
Oh, good. It's under $700 million, now. Everybody back to bed!
That buys a LOTTA puddin'.
This is a job for TIM TERRIFIC!!1!
And Manfred?
If you remember Mighty Manfred (yawn) the wonder dog, you're old!
Wait a minute…
At first, as much as $950 million was believed to be missing, but as the firm sorted through its bankruptcy, that figure fell to less than $700 million by late Monday, the people briefed on the matter said.
$700 million? Bernie Madoff is ROTFLHAO in prison. PIKERS!
Corzine was a Gollum Sacker? No wonder.
This is the same fucking asshole who was too stupid to wear a fucking seatbelt, causing him untold months of unnecessary suffering in a variety of hospitals after a horrific car crash. NOT EXACTLY RISK AVERSE…
Maybe he was a big Princess Die fan.
True innovators live outside the norm. (I don't know what that means exactly but it's 430 and my sinuses are fucking with me so I thought I'd get up and have a drink so I had that drink…well, almost done and I thought I'd say something)
Two words for you: Neti pot.
To what you say tho, there is something to that.
Well he was hurrying to a meeting with Don Imus and Rutgers Basketball team. If I had to meet with Don Imus, a car crash could be very, very tempting.
Makes you miss McGreevey, huh? I mean, alls he ever did was sex up his lover and give him a very important job in his administration.
Hand-job? Blow-job? Knob-job?
All of 'em, Katie.
Joe Nocera's column has even mo' better dirt. Why was Corzine so desperate to sell the firm? To save jerbs? Preserve capital? Safeguard customer accounts?
"…in less than two years, he took a $7-a-share stock and turned it into a $1.20 stock… If he left MF Global because, say, it was sold, his $11 million in stock options would immediately vest, and he would get a $12.1 million golden parachute."
And if you were a typical working-poor employee today, and were to drop a tray of 7 Dunkin' Donuts, and only save 1, and a dozen more had gone missing, what kind of "severance package" do you think you would get?
Proof positive that a**hattedness is truly bi-partisan.
So in this parable, Corzine is the leftover donut and Chris Christie ate the missing dozen, yes?
I have no doubt that he got "performance bonuses" for keeping such a sharp eye on operations that half a billion dollars fell through the cracks, and for running MF Global into the ground.
Now that I think of it, he ran New Jersey in pretty much the same way.
If we taxed or fined people like this, all that "talent" might just leave the banking industry, AND THEN WHAT?
AND THEN WHAT?
1. ____
2. ____
3. ????
4. Profit!!!!
This 1% is a job creator! I am sure he will get another CEO job shortly.
Maybe it's behind the couch cushions.
Jon Corzine for the Republican presidential nomination! They're running out of non-Romneys.
"tarnish the reputation of Mr. Corzine, the former New Jersey Governor and Goldman Sachs chief". FUCK with a resume like that you're already tarnished worse than my dead grandma's wedding silverware.
Wow, who does MF Global think they are, the Pentagon?
No, silly. The Pentagon can't file for bankruptcy.
No Bernie Madoff.
>the first American victim of Europe’s debt crisis.
Yeah, we have all the money and all the power but absolutely nothing is our fault.
"Sir, $950 million in customer money is missing."
"Europe did it!"
"Sir, $950 million in customer money is missing."
"They certainly are!"
FDIC & SPIC are both Feral insurance agencies.
FDIC: $250,000 per customer for CDs and bank accounts
SPIC: $500,000 per customer for investments
The income tax rate on earned income is much higher than the rate for capital gains. Mmmm, is there a pattern here? Get in front of a mirror sheeple and look on your backs for the Ferragamo shoe prints.
A quick check reveals that my asshole is Ferragamo sized.
Damn, first I lost my money to Madoff and now this Corzine fellow. If only, I had looked for the visible slime trail following them as they walked.
Jon Corzine = M.F.?!
Incontheivable.
"MF Global: They don't call us MF Global for nothing…."
The Goldman, Sachs folks are fond of saying "Anyone can destroy the economy. The hard trick is to make a buck on it."
I understand that Europe will apologize to Mr. Corzine for failing to live up to its expectations and causing him to lose zillions on his speculative investments.
"sexy younger wife Chris Christie"
Looks like New Jersey is much more into BBW than Cougars.
oh now, that's just unfair to bbws.
I like a woman with curves. The skinny girls remind me of 10 year old boys.
Those two aren't mutually exclusive, especially here in America.
money goes in, money goes out. who can explain it?
Fucking money: How does it work?
Comments on this entry are closed.